Choosing a Mate
Matthew 19:1-12
Introduction: People claim they “fall in love,” but I am here to tell you that you can fall into a hole or
into a ditch, but you cannot and will not fall into Biblical love. John Stott states, “Christian love is not
the victim of our emotions but the servant of our will.” We must understand several things about love
and making a lifelong choice because the consequences and impact upon the world are great.
A. Historical background, vs. 1-3
1. Perean ministry, last 3 months of His life
2. Trans-Jordan
3. Did many miracles
4. Pharisees, vs. 3
a. Test Him
b. “How do we get out of it?” – wrong question
B. Jesus’ standard, right answer, Matt. 19:3-12
1. God’s idea, vs. 4
2. Created, made, Aorist Active, vs. 4
3. Male and female, vs. 4
4. Leave parents, vs. 5
5. Cleave to mate, vs. 5
6. One fleshment, vs. 5
7. Until death parts, vs. 6-10
C. Purposes of marriage, Gen. 2:18
1. Equal companionship, Gen. 2:24
2. Enjoyment, Heb. 13:4
3. Completeness, Gen. 2:23
4. Fruitfulness, Gen. 1:28
5. Protection, Eph. 5:25; Titus 2:4-5
6. Typify Christ and His Bride, Eph. 5:31-33
D. Five kinds of touching
1. Spiritual
2. Emotional
3. Mental
4. Non-sexual
5. Sexual
E. Love
1. Emotional love
a. Three dimensions, Sternberg, 1986
i. Commitment
ii. Intimacy
iii. Passion
b. Four Greek words
i. Phileo – familial love, tender affection
ii. Storge – comfortable love, familial
iii. Eros – not in Bible, usually sexual
iv. Epithumia – long for, to desire, often sexual
2. Act of the will
a. Agape – slave of the will
b. Learn to set your love upon another
F. Absolutes
1. Born member of the opposite sex, Matt. 19:4
2. Born again believer, Jn. 3:3; Eph. 5:21
3. Person of moral character, SS 1-3
4. Deal with parents Biblically – honor and leave them, Eph. 6:2
5. Deal with anger Biblically, Eph. 4:26
6. Deal with money Biblically, I Tim 6:6-19
Conclusion: Marriage is God’s plan and has been since the beginning. He clearly lays out the standards
for marriage and He even gives us the perfect guidelines on how to stay married. Notice in His answer
there is nothing mentioned about love, looks, compatibility, commitment, happiness, or anything the
world reveres. It is about His plan of being a beautiful picture of His Son and His Bride the church.