Yunzhu Zhou
English 101
Instructor: Lorena Fuentes
April 24, 2014
2nd Essay Final Draft
Internet Friendship
Every day when we wake up, the first thing we do is not to think about what
we are going to do in a day or taking a shower, but taking out our cell phones and
laptops, checking Facebook, Instagram, or other social applications. The
interesting communications that we think on these social networking sites are not
more than just posting the latest status, sharing funny pictures, comments what
other people say, and finding “friends”. What is friendship? Is it still based on what
we think originally, which is based on heart to heart communications? Or even in
ancient Christianity, friendship is a way to build a true relationship between two
families. The meaning of friendship has totally changed these days by using social
networking sites. Social networking sites are not just a fad. They are changing, and
worsened the meaning friendship is, and also our abilities to communicate with
people face to face.
The essence of friendship has been changed. In William Deresiewicz’s
“Faux Friendship”, the author claims that these social networking sites create and
promote “untrue friendship” which is meaningless compared to “classical friendship”
in ancient times. The idea of friendship in ancient time is not difficult. Since the rise
of Christianity, Deresiewicz claims that “Christian thought discourages intense
personal bonds, for the heart should be turned to God”(p471). Friendship has been
transformed from rooted in virtue, which is rare and it is a treasure, into a bond of
religion to combine families together according to the religion requirements.
However, today, since the rise of social networking sites, Deresiewicz says: “We
have ‘Friends,’ just as we belong to ‘communities’” (p477). Friendship is supposed
to be a means of communications and a certainty between heart to heart, but
nowadays, friendship is more about flattering. When a friendship is based on
flattery, the values have changed. We flatter our friends by commenting their
statuses and pictures no matter they present good or bad. If one of our friends
refreshes his status says “This is the worst day ever…”, we will might comment like
this “Oh dear, what happened to you? Tell me so that I can do something for you.”
If he posts a picture of wearing Hawaii costumes, drinking coconut, and smiling
under the beautiful sunshine, we may first click the “like” bottom, and comment with
tons of happy faces, admiring faces and with words “I wish I were you! How lucky
you are! Enjoy…”. However, do we really think exact what we comment? Probably
not. Some of us may truly happy for the friend for having such a good chance to
relax, but some my just clicking the bottom and writing comments with no facial
expression at all. They write complements just like writing an essay. So having
friendships based on flattering means we are looking to become what others what
us to be, what others likes to see from our expressions and words rather than our
selves. We are free to choose who we want to be friend with, but we need to
realize that what kind of friendship it is.
Social networking sites worsened our abilities to find real friends.
Deresiewicz uses the example of Facebook that “Facebook’s very premise – and
promise – is that it makes out friendship circles visible. There they are, my friends,
all in the same place. Except, of course they’re not in the same place, or rather,
they’re not my friends”(p476). The way we decide who can be our friends is
basically according to these questions: Who has the same interest with me or the
same “like”, do we have memories together, and is he/ she a friend of my friend? If
we see the person who is a mutual friend of one of ours, then we add them without
saying “hello, this is …” to that person. We just simply send out friend requests.
Our standard is becoming shallow. Our ability to grow and to develop our
friendship solidly is weakening. We are no longer finding friends who can comfort
and encourage us when we step back, but friends who are not real. These unreal
friends are internet friends who only exist on social media websites. They live in
their area which is separated by this electronic wall standing in front of us. They
can never by our sides when we need them. We make friends today expand our
community bigger. The connection that we make on those social networking sites
is not exact connection, but only a sense of it, which is untouchable. As the result,
it seems that the number of our friends is increasing on social networking websites,
but in fact, the quality of our relationship is decreasing. Friendship becomes only a
frame, a vacant meaning.
Social networking sites shaped our identities when we start to posing
pictures, recent personal status, which actually don't make any sense to other
people. Deresiewicz says: “We are nothing to one other but what we choose to
become, and we can unbecome it whenever we want”(p472). Our intentions for
posting pictures and putting touchable words on social network websites are not
purely for sharing our feelings, but waiting for others’ compliments and to proof to
others that we do have a lot of friends who care about me and care about what we
have experienced. We would rather let other people to guess, comment and judge
our pictures and photos than telling close friends what is going on and who we
really are. There is no room for us to be honest when we focus to the impressions.
Deresiewicz is right that “We address ourselves not to a circle, but to a
cloud”(p477). Our “friends” today, are just the clouds in the sky. They are
everywhere, unpredictable, untouchable, always changing by the environment
climates, weather, even the tendency of wind. A sense of having a lot of friends
that hang out often; a sense of popularity on social networking sites, among
“friends” but in fact no one is really interested in what happened to you and how
do you feel at the moment when you share your privacy to the internet. We are
controlled by Facebook, Instagram and all the social networking sites. Our identity
is all about being friends with other people by pressing “like” button, but not about
virtue and the qualities of that friend.
In Conclusion, social networking sites not only change the real meaning of
friendship, but weaken our ability to find friends and change our identities when we
are trying to find common topics with our “friends”. Similarly, Deresiewicz says that
“We have given our hearts to machines, and now we are turning into machines”
(480). We create and accept the world for internet, for social media. We believe
that social networking sites can make our boundless world into a smaller one. We
believe that these social networking sites can gather our friends in every corner of
the world closer and easier to keep in touch. However, we are physically and
mindly controlled by them. We are the machines of the social cites. The way we
find friends, contact with them, and the way we be ourselves on social networking
sites are shaped; just like a program of a machine. We are no longer ourselves.