Emotional Intelligence:
for
Developing Leadership Competence
Dr Dinesh Pant
What makes a person successful in
leadership roles?

Environmental forces
Much of success / failure of a person is due
to the outside forces.

Personal competencies
Every one is personally responsible for his /
her success or failure.
Discover the 90/10 Principle

10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react

We cannot control a traffic red light while driving,
but we can control our reaction to the light.
Let's use an example:
 You are having breakfast with your family. Your
daughter knocks over a cup of tea onto your
business shirt. You have no control over what just
happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you
react.
One possible reaction: You curse
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in
tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the
cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm
upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been
crying not finishing breakfast and not getting ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your
daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph
speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing NRs 200 traffic fine away, you
arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the school building without saying “goodbye”. After arriving
at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has
started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward
to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find coolness in your relationships with your spouse
and daughter. Why? …..
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it? Because of how you reacted in the morning?
The other possible reaction: Here is what could have and
should have happened.
Tea pours over you. Your daughter is scared and about to
cry. You gently say, "Its Okay dear, you just need to be more
careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After
grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back
down in time to look through the window and see your child
getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5
minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss
comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended
different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
What makes a person successful?
Success requires a positive mindset !
Positive mindset includes all major
psychological properties and processes:




Thinking
Feeling
Willing
Doing (behaving)
New Areas of Managerial Competencies
Conventional meaning of Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is
based on cognitive skills (knowledge-based)
Such high IQ is not enough to perform managerial roles in
the modern world
Multi-intelligence is needed!
New intelligence typologies are:



Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Moral Intelligence (MQ)
Spiritual Intelligence (SQ)
All these help to build positive attitudes!
What is Emotion ?

A movement in our state of mind; …moved or
excited state of mind!

Any kind of feeling
- May manifest in many forms, e.g., love, fear,
anger, excitement, embarrassment, etc.
- Both expressed or suppressed!
- Argued to be both psychological and
biological or physiological!
Emotional intelligence
“one's ability to manage emotions in self and
others and use the emotions adaptively”
(Theorized first by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990
and then operationalised and popularized by Daniel
Goleman in late Nineties through the best selling books
…. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more
than IQ (1995) and Working with Emotional
Intelligence (1998).
Improving EQ in its Five Dimensions
1)
2)
Creating self-awareness (knowing one’s own
emotions)
Regulating or managing emotions (managing
feelings to behave according to the needs)
3)
Motivating “self” (self-motivation)
4)
Understanding emotions in others (empathy)
5)
Handling relations with others
Has expanded in many other forms, e.g., expression of /
access to emotion, etc.
Consequences of High EQ
High EQ generates feelings that build positive attitudes:








Motivation
Satisfaction / Happiness
Desire
Self-esteem
Self-control
Friendship
Appreciation
Peace

Attributing setback or failure to immediate environment,
temporal factor and external weakness (with optimism):

Laughing at own set back by taking different perspectives
Consequences of Low EQ
Low EQ generates feelings that build negative attitudes:

Anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, etc.

Loneliness, depression, stress, etc,

Fear, instability, etc.

Guilt, victimization, hurt, etc.
Attributing setback or failure to larger environment, permanent
factor and internal weakness (with low optimism)
Contributors for leadership / managerial success
Cognitive intelligence (IQ) - 20%
Emotional intelligence (EQ) and others - 80%

IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted

Both combines to make you success!

Older the happier – a recent research finding
One’s definition of happiness changes as he or she
grows older

Uses of EQ at workplace (team/organization)

Taking leadership or having leadership influences

Resolving interpersonal conflicts

Developing team spirit / promoting cooperation

Creating a positive work culture (where service-seekers and
staff feel safe, trusted, included, respected, valued, cared)

Promoting clientele relationships (making people feel
heard, helped, served, respected, etc.)

Dealing with situational pressures (uncertainty, irrationality,
injustice, inconsistence) with tolerance and optimism

Dealing with people resorting to agitation / aggression

Building positive mindsets (positive belief, optimism, desire,
thinking, feeling, coping with cynicism, etc.)

Improving productivity (with cooperation, collaboration, etc. )
Can we choose to feel?
Emotions (like anger, love, fear, guilt,
stress, etc.) are natural, spontaneous
human manifestation
But,
You can learn to choose what or how you
want to feel


Too much - Over-regulation?
Too little - Under-regulation?
Balancing is desirable!
Managing emotion: What and how?
Managing emotions is self-regulation of
emotions (both temporal and habitual)
according to the situational needs :
Managing emotions through:
- Knowing / Assessing your own emotional
state or traits (understanding)
- Using / Developing competencies to deal
with emotion (acting)
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
Self-Assessment Exercise
Common Demands Rating Scale
Below are some common demands people make. We call them the "Dirty Dozen" On a scale from 1-5, rate how these beliefs apply to you.
1. Very Seldom applies to me
2. Seldom applies to me
3. Sometimes applies to me
4. Often applies to me
5. Very often applies to me
(Note: You may want to photocopy this scale, fill it out, and place it in your notebook for future reference.)
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
I must be perfect and never make a mistake.
I should always be in control.
I must succeed. I can't stand failure
I should please and gain approval. Rejection is horrible.
I am a victim of my past or present circumstances and
therefore am doomed to suffer.
Life must be fair
People should give me my own way.
Some groups or people are inferior. ("All of them are ...."
"They should keep their place." Or, "They should not
exist.")
I must be right.
I must win: failure is unbearable.
Others should appreciate the things I do for them
Life should be easy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Incident 1
You have been ignored for a promotion by the
management for which you were eligible.
Moreover, one of your juniors has been
promoted. You are upset and feel frustrated.
What do you do?

Talk it over with your boss and ask for
reconsideration of the management's decision.

Start abusing the colleague who superseded you.

Move to court and obtain a stay order to get justice.

Identify your shortcomings and try to improve your
performance.
Incident 2
You get into an argument with your colleague in the
course of which you end up personally attacking
him/her. However, you never intended to tarnish the
image of your colleague. How will you tackle this ugly
situation?

Sit calm and consider what triggered off the argument and
was it possible to control your anger at that point of time.

Avoid future arguments and leave the scene.

Apologize to your colleague.

Continue with the argument till you reach some definite
conclusion.
Incident 3
Imagine that you are a security officer posted in a
sensitive area. You get information of violent ethnic
clashes between two religious communities in
which people have been killed from both sides and
property damaged. What action will you take?



Decide not to visit the spot personally as there may be a
danger to your life.
Relax – this is not the first time riots have occurred.

Try to handle the situation by taking all desired remedial
measures.

Reach the spot and empathize with the feelings of the
victims.
Incident 4
You are on an aircraft and suddenly the pilot
announces that it has been hijacked by the
terrorist. Everyone is in a state of shock.
What will be your reaction?

Blame yourself for choosing an inauspicious day for
traveling.

Be in emotional control and attend to the instructions of
the pilot/air hostess.

Continue to read your magazine and pay little attention to
the incident.

Cry out and vow not to travel by air in future.
Behavioral Guidelines for Improving EQ
and building positive attitudes
1) Creating Self-awareness:
- Respect yourself: e.g., accept your innermost
feelings
- Be positive: e.g., have confidence in your own
ability, avoid being cynical
- Be true to yourself: e.g., know strengths /
limitations and act accordingly – I need help!
Critical incident - 1
You have differences with someone in the
meeting. Afterwards, you heard being
openly commented. What do you do?
a)
Ring the person straight away and speak
out on it.
b)
Put down in writing why he has been a
subject of public criticism.
c)
Wait until the next time you meet that
person and talk about it then
Critical Incident 2
Someone challenges something you say. How do
you respond?

Say, "That is just the type of things I would
expect from you“

Ask the person, "what's wrong with my point of
view?“

Say "I have another option, but I would like to
hear what others have to say first".
Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ
2) Managing (Regulating) Emotions:
- Defer judgment; curb impulses
- Park the problems; detach yourself
- Be flexible: go with the flow: do not force
- Manage your non-verbal communication
Emotionally stable person is often happy!
Contd…. Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ
3) Motivating Self:
- Striving to improve / achieve high standards
- Being committed to achieve your goals
- Taking the initiative and seizing opportunity
- Being optimistic even in the face of
difficulties / setbacks
Contd… Behavioral Guidelines for …EQ
4) Understanding / responding to other’s emotions:
- Being sensitive towards and understanding other
people
- Making the needs and interests of others your
point of reference
- Furthering the development of other people
- Being tuned in socially and politically (rule of game)
Contd…behavioural guidelines for …EQ
5) Handling interpersonal relations:

Inspiring and guiding groups and people

Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a
shared vision and mission

Step forward to lead as needed

Guide the performance of others while
holding them accountable

Lead by example
Regulating specific emotions






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Anger
Stress (anxiety)
Hurt
Guilt
Love (affection)
Fear (shyness)
Joy
ANGER: A Self-Assessment Exercise
Anger Provocation Scale
We all have "anger buttons" or triggers – things that happen to which we give an angry response. Below, several situations with the
potential for stimulating anger are described. On a scale of 0-5, rate the level of provocation each situation has for you.
0. Does not provoke my anger
2. Seldom provokes my anger
4. Often provokes my anger
1. Very seldom provokes my anger
3. Sometimes provokes my anger
5. Very often provokes my anger
1. When I find things are unfair.
2. Being interrupted when I'm busy
3. When I am frightened.
4. When I am anxious.
5. When things don't happen when I want them to
6. When people don't do what I think they should do
7. When I don't live up to my own expectations
8. When things don't work the way I think they should.
9. When I'm in hurry.
10. When I'm under stress.
11. When I think I've been betrayed.
12. When I feel cornered.
13. When I make a mistake.
14. When I'm tired.
15. When I feel guilty
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Knowing your “anger” state

Subject-matter (source / triggers)

Frequency

Intensity

Duration

Type of expression
Strategies for managing “Anger”


Keep rating your anger
Manage your stress level self-talk phrases
(e.g., take it easy, relax, stay cool, maintain mutual
respect, work for win-win, etc.)






Use your sense of humor
Develop empathy to other’s concern
Pay attention to your body language
Get rid of the ghosts from the past
Develop a “list of things to do when I am
angry”
Express anger properly, if necessary
Guidelines for expressing anger
Make sure that anger:

is directed at the right person

satisfies your need to regain control and seek
justice

promotes a change in behavior or gives you
new information about the person’s behavior

has meaning to the other person

encourages cooperation rather than retaliation
Guidelines for managing “Hurt”

Engaging in physical exercises

Recalling past successes

Modeling: studying people who appear to be
effective in managing emotions

Interviewing with someone you admire / trust

Self-coaching, e.g., “Stay calm!”, “Take it easy”,
“You can do it”, “This too will pass”, “Let go, let
God!”

Using reminders and signals

Distracting yourself
Guidelines for managing “guilt”

Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must
be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change
Guidelines for managing “Joy”

Accepting and affirming

Building courage

Going for it – flowing with others

Making humor /making laughter

Promoting self-esteem and social interest

Valuing (developing your own value aided by self admiration)

Getting joy back in your life (like changing TV channel)
Guidelines for managing “Guilt”

Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must
be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change
Plan for Life- - Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered
-- Forgive them anyway.
 If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives
-- Be kind anyway.
 If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some
true enemies --Succeed anyway.
 If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you
-- Be honest and frank anyway.
 What you spend years building, someone might destroy
overnight -- Build anyway.
 If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous
-- Be happy anyway.
 The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow
-- Do good anyway.
 Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough
-- But give the world best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God; it was
never between you and them anyway.

Happiness

Live with integrity (being in line with your values, beliefs ....)

Live in the moment (enjoying the present …stop worrying about…)

Express gratitude (for the things you have ……)

Work in way that satisfies you

Enjoy harmony (being in peace with yourself and the world around)

Do not self-criticize

Avoid being afraid of changes

Enjoy simple things

Giving back to other (+ sharing with other..)

Do not take life too seriously
"Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's
not the end."