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The Impact of Divorce on Children
by:
Instructor Amy Johnson
Liberty University
10/31/2011
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Abstract
The impact of divorce on children is diverse and made up of many factors. There are
factors that affect them emotionally, socially, psychologically, physically, and economically.
Physical stressors for the child under eighteen include: situations such as changing schools, child
care, homes, etc. Socially, the children will also have to make adjustments to changes in
relationships with friends and extended family members. These changes that accompany divorce
can undermine a child’s sense of security and make them fearful of the future – about “what’s
next?” It is important, then, that parents have a clear idea of what exactly the psychological effects
of divorce on their children may be.
Children as young as infants can feel the effects of their parents divorcing, if the parents
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openly show their problems in the presence of the baby. The baby is at the very first rung of the
developmental ladder, and she needs to establish confidence in the world around her so that she
can build a strong foundation for mastering each milestone in her young life (Wallerstein &
Blakeslee, 2003). Babies and toddlers are especially sensitive to tensions and conflicts around
them. They begin to imitate adult facial expressions at the age of two months. A lost sense of
security at this point will only lead to problems later on. From a child’s perspective, the
unimaginable has happened – a parent is no longer at home. Children may be deeply afraid that the
other parent is going to “disappear” too and leave them alone in the world. At this age, for most
children, divorce will be the first major crisis of their lives (Emery, 2004). Such a crisis can effect
a child’s pre-pubescent years. As Shansky (2002) noted “there was a significant relationship
between divorce and child adjustment problems, then proceeded to assess the impact of the various
parental factors as mediating variables”. Divorce impairs a mother’s parenting abilities through
their depression and a father’s abilities through reduced involvement. Divorce was shown to be
inherently depressing for boys and significantly affected girls’ conduct (Shansky, 2002). Amato
(1993) noted “An unhappy home environment marked by high levels of marital discord is less than
optimal for the development of children, and numerous studies have indicated that marital conflict
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has a negative impact on children’s psychological adjustment” (pg. 30).
Adolescence begins early in divorced homes, and compared with that of children raised in
intact families, is more likely to include early sexual experiences for girls and higher alcohol and
drug use for boys and girls (Wallerstein, 2000). This will impact many children socially. They will
tend to cling to peers involved in similar activities such as underage sex, drug abuse, and underage
drinking. These behaviors lead to results that include car accidents from driving under the
influence, teen pregnancies, and commission of crimes.
In his book, Voices of Children of Divorce, 1999, Dr. David Royko interviewed over 1000
children of divorce. When asked “Will I get married and have kids?” Shari, 15 responded “I don’t
know how I trust people…I don’t wanna marry someone who’s going to not be around or is going
to divorce me or is gonna be a liar. I don’t wanna do that, and I’m not going to settle for that. I
don’t wanna be grabbing the kids and the furniture and everything, and have to worry about some
stupid guy” (pg. 163). Charlotte, 18, responded “In relationships that I’ve had, I realized the
position I’d always been in, and I said to myself, “This is not gonna do it. I can’t continue to do
this” (pg. 172). Children of divorce can face their own relationship and social problems, when
trying to develop their social lives. By comparing their parent’s relationship and thinking that is
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the way it is going to be, it can be difficult to think otherwise. Other factors that hinder the child’s
ability to expand his social life include physical upheaval to a different home due to the divorce.
Many divorces are impacted economically and result in having to change living arrangements.
Loss of contact with the non-custodial parent, a deterioration of their relationship with the
custodial parent, exposure to parental conflicts, and a decline in their standard of living are
stressors in their own right. Going further, events such as moving, changing schools, giving up
pets, and loss of contact with extended family members, and friends, will be distressing for
children (Amato, 1993). Children will run from their home lives and try to find some sort of
security from their friends and extended families. If these relationships are broken due to the
divorce, it is difficult for them to find this much needed security. A lower standard of living among
divorced families was found to be responsible for lower life satisfaction (Shansky, 2002).
Academics will suffer due to all the above mentioned stressors in children of divorce.
When school grades decline significantly, the first question that comes to a school counselor’s
mind is “How is this child’s home life going” or “What has changed at home?“ While parents are
wrapped up in their divorce and trying to repair their own lives, they will lose focus on their child’s
needs, one of them being supporting them in their school work. Lower academic achievement and
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classroom behavior can result form divorced families (Dykeman, 2003).
The mentioned in this paper are all negative. Yes the basic fact of parents divorcing is a
major crisis for the parents, and especially the children. After all, the children did not ask for this,
they were born into it, and being that they can not change things, they fell helpless. However, just
because the parents fail in marriage, does not mean they cannot succeed in divorce (Emery, 2004).
Parents should focus on making the divorce “easy on the kids”, just because they themselves are
suffering, they should think of how a child must cope with this major crisis. Arguing and
displaying conflicts in front of the children will only add to the already stressors set in place.
“…My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier,. My father scourged you with
whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.” (2 Chronicles 10:14). As you discuss your
responsibilities with your children, be sure that you temper words of complaint with words of joy.
Otherwise you may sour their attitudes toward the work you do and those you serve (The Holy
Bible-The Life Application Study Bible, NIV, 2005). Parents must be proactive with their children
during a divorce. To make the crisis less intense they should get educated on the effects of divorce
on the child. They should open up communications, nurture and present lots of love to their
children (Hughes, 2005). Not all children a negatively effected by their parents getting divorced.
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References
Amato, P. R. (1993). Children's adjustment to divorce: Theories, Hypotheses, and Empirical
Support. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1993, Vol. 55
Berger, K.S., (2008). The Developing Person Through the Life Span (7th Ed.) New York, NY:
Worth Publishers.
Clinton, T & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring for People God’s Way. Nashville, TN: Thomas
Nelson, Inc.
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Dykeman, Bruce F. (2003). The Effects of Family Conflict Resolution on Children's Classroom
Behavior. Journal of Instructional Psychology, Mar., 2003, Vol. 30 Issue 1
Emery, Robert E. (2004). The Truth about Children and Divorce. Dealing with the Emotions So
You and Your Children Can Thrive. New York, NY: Penguin Group
Hughes, R., Jr. (2005). The Effects of Divorce on Children. Urbana, IL: University of Illinois
Extension.
Royko, David. (1999). Voices of Children of Divorce. New York, NY: Golden Books
Shansky, Janet. (2002). Negative Effects of Divorce on Child and Adolescent Psychosocial
Adjustment Journal of Pastoral Counseling, 2002, Vol. 37
The Holy Bible-The Life Application Study Bible, NIV (2005). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House
Publishers
Wallerstein, Judith S. (2000). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: a 25 year Landmark Study 1st
Edition. New York, NY. Hyperion.
Wallerstein, Judith S. (2003). What about the Kids? : Raising Your Children Before, During, and
After Divorce. New York, NY. Hyperion
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