Chapter 7
Choosing a Marriage Partner
Chapter Outline
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Love and Marriage?
The Marriage Market
Homogamy: Narrowing the Pool of
Eligibles
Courtship in a Free-Choice Society
Mate Selection and Marriage Stability
Arranged Marriages
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Not uncommon in the less Westernized parts of
Europe, Asia, and Africa.
Couples in arranged marriages are expected to
develop a loving relationship after the marriage.
Arranged marriage developed in collectivist
societies based on strong extended family ties.
 In these societies, marriage unites two
kinship groups as well as two people.
Functions of Arranged
Marriages
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Affirms parent’s power over their children.
Helps keep family traditions and value
systems intact.
Helps consolidate and extend family
property.
Helps young people avoid the uncertainty
of searching for a mate.
“If a partner had the qualities you desired,
would you marry if you weren’t in love?”
Courtly Love
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Most marriages in the upper levels of society
during the Middle Ages were based on property
and family.
Tender emotions were expressed in nonmarital
relationships in which a knight worshipped his
lady, and ladies had their favorites.
These relationships involved idealization, were
not necessarily sexually consummated, and did
not require the parties to live together.
The Marriage Market
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People enter the marriage market and bargain
for the best buy they can get.
Sometimes the exchange involves a bride
price that the future groom pays the future
bride’s family so he can marry her.
More often the exchange is accompanied by a
dowry, money or property brought to the
marriage by the female.
Exchange Theory
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Individuals pick the relationship that is
most rewarding or least costly.
In romantic relationships individuals have
resources: beauty, personality, status,
skills, maturity, intellect, originality, etc.
Individuals also have costly attributes:
being demanding, low status, geographic
inaccessibility, etc.
The Traditional Exchange
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Women trade their ability to bear children
and perform domestic duties, along with
sexual accessibility and attractiveness, for
a man’s protection, status, and support.
Both women and men can experience
gender related disadvantages in the
traditional exchange.
The Marriage Gradient
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The tendency for women to marry “up”
with regard to age, education, occupation,
and earning potential.
In about 57% of U.S. married couples, the
husband is two or more years older than
his wife; however, the wife is older in only
11% of today’s unions.
Homogamy
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People tend to marry people of similar race,
age, education, religious background, and
social class.
 Endogamy: marrying within one’s social
group.
 Exogamy: marrying outside one’s group.
 Heterogamy, marrying someone dissimilar in
race, age, education, religion, or social class.
Reasons for Homogamy
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Live in close proximity.
Culture encourages people to marry
others similar to themselves.
People are more comfortable with others
from similar backgrounds.
People want to strike a fair exchange.
Examples of Heterogamy
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Interfaith Marriages
Interclass Marriages
Interracial/interethnic marriages
Interracial and Hispanic –nonHispanic Married Couples, 2002
% of Racially Homogamous
Marriages, 1990
No
High School Some College
Diploma
Diploma
College Diploma
Whites
Men (%)
98
98
98
98
Women (%)
97.5
98
98
98
African Americans
Men (%)
94
93
91
90
Women (%)
97
97
97
96
% of Racially Homogamous
Marriages, 1990
No
High School Some College
Diploma
Diploma
College Diploma
Hispanics
Men (%)
76
67
55
41
Women (%)
78
66
55
34
Asian Americans
Men (%)
0
21
31
52
Women (%)
14
11
32
42
Heterogamy and Marital
Stability
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Differences in values and interests can
result in a lack of mutual understanding.
Marriage may create conflict between the
partners and parents, relatives and
friends.
High divorce rate may reflect that the
partners have less conventional values.
SVR- Stimulus Values Roles
Filtering Sequence
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Stimulus stage - interaction depends on
physical attraction.
Values stage - partners compare values
and determine whether they are a match.
Role compatibility - prospective spouses
negotiate their marital and leisure roles.
Attachment Theory
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During infancy and childhood, individuals
develop a style of attaching to others.
Children learn and take for granted one of three
attachment styles:
 Children who trust that their needs will be
met form a secure attachment style.
 Children who feel abandoned are likely to
acquire an insecure/anxious or an avoidant
attachment style.
Purposes of Courtship
Patterns
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Romantic partners try to get to know each
other better.
Partners gain each other's progressive
commitment to marriage.
Dating
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Emerged at the beginning of the 20th century,
prevailed in the 1950s and early 1960s,
became less popular in the late 1960s and early
1970s, and became popular in the 1980s.
Consists of an exclusive relationship developed
through a series of appointed meetings.
Getting together is courtship in which groups of
women and men meet at a party or share an
activity.
Margaret Mead’s Criticisms
of Dating
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Encourages men and women to define
heterosexual relationships as situational
rather than ongoing.
Sex becomes depersonalized and
genitally oriented rather than oriented to
the whole person.
Margaret Mead’s Proposal:
Two-stage Marriage
Two stages each with a license, ceremony
and responsibilities:
1. Individual marriage - serious
commitment with limited responsibilities
and no children.
2. Parental marriage - follows if the couple
wants to continue a relationship and
have children.
Cohabitation and Marriage
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Marriages preceded by cohabitation are
more likely to end in divorce:
 People who cohabitate have liberal
attitudes and are accepting of divorce.
 Cohabitating affects individuals so they
are more likely to divorce.
Cohabiting Couples:
The Paths They Take
Type of
Relationship
in 1987–88
All unmarried
couples
Substitute for
marriage
Precursor to
marriage
% All
Couples
Still Live
Together
100
21
40
39
10
39
25
35
46
17
52
31
Married Separated
Cohabiting Couples:
The Paths They Take
Type of
Relationship
in 1987–88
% All
Couples
Still Live
Together
Trial marriage
15
21
28
51
Coresidential
dating
29
21
33
46
Married Separated
Indicators of Dating Violence
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Handles ordinary disagreements with
inappropriate anger or rage.
Struggles to regain self-control when a
minor issue triggers anger.
Goes into tirades.
Indicators of Dating Violence
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Quick to criticize or verbally mean.
Unduly jealous, restricting and controlling.
History of violence in previous
relationships.
Guidelines for Ending a
Relationship: David Knox
1.
2.
3.
Decide that terminating the relationship is what
you really want to do.
Assuming you have definitely determined to
break up, prepare yourself for wavering—but
don’t change your mind.
Plan the break-up discussion with your partner
in person, but at a location from which you can
readily withdraw.
Guidelines for Ending a
Relationship: David Knox
4.
5.
Explain your reasons for breaking up in terms
of our own values, rather than pointing out
what you think is wrong with the other person.
Seek out new relationships.
Critical Elements of Maturity
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Emotional maturity - sense of self-worth
allows intimacy and interdependence.
Economic maturity - able to support self
and a partner if necessary.
Value maturity- recognizes and feels
confident about own personal values.
Critical Elements of Maturity
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Relationship maturity
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Able to understand a partner’s point of
view.
Can make decisions about changing
behaviors a partner doesn’t like.
Able to explain own points of view and
ask for change in partner's behavior.
Quick Quiz
1. Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage
performs certain functions. Which of the
following is NOT one of these?
a) maintains sexual fidelity
b) affirms and strengthens parents’
power over their children
c) enhances the value of the kinship
group
d) helps keep the family traditions and
value systems intact
Answer: a
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Ahmed concludes that arranged marriage
performs certain functions. Maintaining
sexual fidelity is NOT one of these.
2. Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian
culture. She will soon marry. When she
does, Marikesh will bring to the marriage
a sum of money or property. This
custom is referred to as
a) marital exchange.
b) a dowry.
c) bride price.
d) endenturement.
Answer: b
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Marikesh belongs to Asian Indian culture.
She will soon marry. When she does,
Marikesh will bring to the marriage a sum
of money or property. This custom is
referred to as a dowry.
3. In the __________ stage of the SVR
process, prospective spouses test and
negotiate how they will play their
respective marital and leisure roles.
a) values
b) role compatibility
c) stimulus
d) socialization
Answer: b
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In the role compatibility stage of the
SVR process, prospective spouses test
and negotiate how they will play their
respective marital and leisure roles.
4. In Margaret Mead’s thinking,
_________ marriage involves “serious
commitment…in which each partner
would have a deep and continuing
concern for the happiness of the other.”
a) two-stage
b) individual
c) Conjugal
d) parental
Answer: b
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In Margaret Mead’s thinking,
individual marriage involves “serious
commitment…in which each partner
would have a deep and continuing
concern for the happiness of the other.”
4. Which of the following guidelines is offered by
sociologist David Knox for ending a
relationship?
a) Follow your initial thinking to its logical
conclusion.
b) Plan the breakup discussion with your
partner in person, but at a location from
which you can readily withdraw.
c) Avoid seeking out new relationships.
d) Be sure to make clear what you think is
wrong with the other person.
Answer: b
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Which of the following guidelines is
offered by sociologist David Knox for
ending a relationship is: Plan the
breakup discussion with your partner
in person, but at a location from
which you can readily withdraw.