College Application Essay Workshop
First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah!
 Read the ANECDOTE (not the rest of the essay)
 What sense do you get from the story (positive, negative)?
 Are you getting a sense of any “green” concepts?
 Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time?
Labeling
 Write your name at the top of their paper
 Read the entire essay. Do not comment on it yet, just read it.
 Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using your
highlighters
 Sample:
 Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (GREEN
CONCEPTS) = top of abstraction ladder
 Yellow=Telling = middle of abstraction ladder
 Pink=Showing = bottom of abstraction ladder
Thesis Check
 Does the writer have a thesis including three green words?
 Highlight and circle the three green words
 If thesis is missing, write that in the margins
 If thesis contains less three actual ‘green’ words, write that in
the margins
Showing vs. Telling
 Remember:
 Telling: (middle of ladder)
 Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,” “love”
 Telling about an example rather than telling the example like a story
 Showing: (bottom of ladder)
 Think back to the MLK Jr. speech. Remember when we highlighted
the CONCRETE details, the things from the BOTTOM of the
abstraction ladder? That’s what you are looking for in this essay.
 Paints a picture of what those abstract ideas look like
 Clear, concrete pictures
 Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now
Anecdotes/Green words continued
 Are the green words supported by the anecdote?
 Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY
SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words
are not shown and which ones need to be clearer.
“Showing” Evaluation
 Check for clichés
 “Quiet as a mouse,” “bored to tears,” “bright as the sun”
 Circle all clichés and suggest alternative phrasing for each
 Is it vague?
 You can easily answer this by looking at the percentage of “showing”
words you highlighted. If you highlighted more TELLING than
showing, then the story is probably vague. If you highlighted more
SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear
 Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling?
 If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this
 If yes, write how they achieved this
 Is it written in the appropriate register?
Characterization
 Box all the pieces of the anecdote that characterize the writer
(or if an impersonal prompt, characterize the issue)
 Should be parts that highlight who/what the writer/topic is
(green words)
 Do you get a clear image/idea from those green words? If not,
proceed to the next bullet
 If there is no characterization of the writer/issue, write in
the margins: “You need to characterize yourself ”
 Indicate where in anecdote he/she could add characterization
Is it Connected to the Prompt?
 Look at everything after the anecdote:
 Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt
(commentary)
 Circle areas that do not connect the anecdote to the prompt and
feel “out of place” or “off topic”
 Re-read the prompt
 Has the writer addressed what the prompt is asking for?
 If yes, write “fulfilled prompt” next to the prompt
 If no, write “did not address the prompt” or “missing part of the question”
next to the prompt. Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer has not
addressed.
Cut the LARD
 Read the paper again. Cross out anything that does not add
value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or
whole sentences)
 Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is
part of dialogue in the anecdote
Wonderful/Things to Consider
 At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that
he/she did really well
 Be specific and include details
 Everyone does at least two things right in every essay
 Write TWO things that he/she needs to improve upon
 Be specific AND offer ways to fix these. Always assume they
made an error, so you can focus on locating that/those error(s)
For tomorrow
 You must turn in ALL of the following to be consider
“complete” and “on-time.” They must be in this order:
 Final draft
 Original prompt
 Workshopped draft
 Turnitin.com receipt