College Application Essay Workshop
First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah!
Prompt
 Write your name at the top of their paper
 Look for the prompt. Is it typed at the top of the paper? If
not, write a note asking them to do so.
 Provide your partner with your prompt.
 Read the entire essay. Do not comment on it yet, just read it.
 Does the essay answer every aspect of the prompt?
Showing vs. Telling
 Remember from Monday/Tuesday:
 Telling: (middle of ladder)
 Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,” “love”
 Telling about an example rather than telling the example like a story
 Showing: (bottom of ladder)
 Think back to Beowulf. Remember when we highlighted the
CONCRETE details, the things from the BOTTOM of the abstraction
ladder? That’s what you are looking for in this essay.
 Paints a picture of what those abstract ideas look like
 Clear, concrete pictures
 Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now
Labeling the ANECDOTE
 Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using your
highlighters
 Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (GREEN
CONCEPTS)= top of abstraction ladder
 Blue=Telling= middle of abstraction ladder
 Pink=Showing= bottom of abstraction ladder
Based on the ANECDOTE (not the rest of the
essay)
 What sense do you get from the story (positive, negative)?
 Are you getting a sense of any “green” concepts? Jot them
down.
 Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time?
 Is it vague?
 You can easily answer this by looking at the percentage of “showing”
words you highlighted. If you highlighted more TELLING than
showing, then the story is probably vague. If you highlighted more
SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear
 Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling?
 If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this
 If yes, write how they achieved this
Thesis Check
 Does the writer have a thesis including three green words?
 Highlight and circle the three green words
 If thesis is missing, write that in the margins
 Are the green words in the thesis supported by the anecdote?
 In other words, do the green words you wrote in the margin
match the ones in the thesis? They don’t have to be exact, but
they should be similar.
 Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY
SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words
are not shown and which ones need to be clearer.
“Showing” Evaluation
 Check for clichés
 “Quiet as a mouse” “bored to tears” “bright as the sun”
 Circle all clichés and write a different way to phrase it next to each
 Is it written in the appropriate register?
Is it Connected to the Prompt?
 Look at everything after the anecdote:
 Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt
(commentary)
 Circle areas that don’t connect the anecdote to the prompt and
feel “out of place” or “off topic.”
Cut the Fluff
 Read the paper again. Cross out anything that doesn’t add
value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or
whole sentences)
 Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is
part of dialogue in the anecdote
Wonderful/Things to Consider
 At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that
they did really well
 Be specific
 Everyone does at least two things right in every essay
 Write TWO things that they need to improve
 Be specific AND offer a way to fix it. Always assume they made
an error because they don’t know how to do it.
For tomorrow
 You must turn in ALL of the following to be consider
“complete” and “on-time.”
 Final draft with prompt typed on it
 Turnitin.com receipt
 Workshopped draft
 Original anecdote with CROWN stamp