PREPARE
THYSELF…
A former
participant
enjoys
one of our
workshops!
Developing a Treatment
Framework for Internet
Infidelity Cases
Katherine M. Hertlein, Ph.D.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Department of Marriage and Family Therapy
Timothy S. Nelson, Ph.D.
Friends University
Master of Science in Family Therapy Program
Almost everybody is on the Web!
Learning Objectives
WHAT?
What Is Internet Infidelity &
What Do We Know About It? (Learning Objectives 1 & 2)
SO WHAT?
What Should/Do Therapists Know About Internet
Infidelity Treatment? (Learning Objective 3)
NOW WHAT?
What Will Your Treatment Framework For Internet
Infidelity Cases Look Like? (Learning Objective 4)
What Is Internet Infidelity?
What Do We Know About It?
Querulous Questions
1. How do Internet relationships compare
to face-to-face relationships?
2. How do Internet infidelity cases
compare to face-to-face infidelity cases?
Face-to-Face vs. Internet
Relationships

Similarities
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Self-presentation
Emotional intimacy
Shared time/interests
Shared data
Shared non-verbals
Development of rituals
“Everydayness” occurs

Differences


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Self-presentation edited
Manner in which data is
shared (i.e., CMC vs FTF)
Non-verbals through
emoticons ( ,,:*)
Internet is the medium
to conduct the ritual
“Everydayness” is
structured (i.e., choice)
Face-To-Face vs. Internet Affairs

 Differences - 4 “A’s”
Similarities
 Anonymity – I can present
 Pain; betrayal
whoever I want to be; privacy
 Secrecy
 Accessibility – Easy,
 Emotional intimacy
convenient, and everywhere
 Sexual chemistry (in
 Affordability – Cheap to stay
some cases)
connected
 Broken trust self/partner
 Approximation – Estimate a
 Affair can be used to
real-world context, fantasy, etc.
create a better union
 An environment where
spouses can share is
needed
 Boundaries
What Should/Do Therapists
Know About Internet Infidelity
Treatment?
Tim’s Method
 20 experts in extramarital affairs and sex
addiction reviewed the 3 vignettes & were
asked:
 To list the critical issues in each case
 What intervention strategies they would use
 How their responses might be different if the
genders were changed in each vignette

Experts then rated each other’s answers
Let’s Log On: Part I


View the video clip
Discuss with a pal/palette:

Why does this couple have these issues in
their marriage (i.e., what are the critical
issues in this case)?
Findings-1. Experts Reported Little
Consensus

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
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Not one expert mentioned the Internet as
a critical issue
Little agreement across specific critical
issues, intervention strategies, and gender
differences
Differential treatment is occurring in
Internet infidelity cases
Differential treatment = different values?
Findings-2. Your Stance on Key
Issues Affects What You’ll Do Next
•
•
•
•
•
Should I hold a secret that one spouse tells me?
Should I meet with one or both partners?
What amount & type of information is helpful for
the non-involved spouse to know?
Should I encourage the non-involved spouse to
monitor their partner’s activities after the infidelity
is discovered or disclosed?
Should I handle an Internet infidelity case
differently than I would a face-to-face affair (i.e.,
are different theoretical approaches more
effective)?
Let’s Log On: Part II


Using the video, choose any continua and
discuss with a pal/palette how your
placement affects what you do next?
For example, how does your placement on
the “secrecy” continuum affect what you
will do?
Kat’s Method

Phase I
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504 clinical members of AAMFT
Participants visited one of two websites (gender)
3 vignettes depicted Internet infidelity scenarios
Eleven assessment and treatment items followed each
vignette
Phase II


Follow up interviews conducted with a select group of
volunteers from Phase I
Interview solicited more detailed treatment strategies
Let’s Log On: Part III

Using the video, discuss with a
pal/palette…


Group 1: What client background
characteristics (i.e., age of the client, etc)
affect what you do next?
Group 2: What therapist background
characteristics (i.e., marital status) affect what
you do next?
Findings-3. Personal Variables
Affect What You Do Next

Client’s background characteristics

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Men = higher degree of sex addiction
Greater individual focus on male clients
Therapist’s background characteristics

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Younger therapists focus treatment on environment
Female therapists connect problem to larger issues in
the couple relationship
More religious therapists put greater focus on
environment and individual issues
The more negative your infidelity experience with
your partner, the greater focus on relational issues
Let’s Log On: Part IV

Using the video, discuss with a
pal/palette…

What are your treatment strategies for this
specific case?
Findings-4: First Order
Strategies Prescribed for
Second Order Problems

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Therapists commonly use first order
change strategies to manage the 4 A’s
4 A’s are not critical factors in treatment
decisions
Therapists create second order case
conceptualizations
Therapists make first order change
strategies
Syntax Error!

This is problematic because:



Second Order conceptualizations do not
match with First Order treatment strategies
Use the 4 A’s for case conceptualization
Use other elements for treatment
What Will Your Treatment Framework
For Internet Infidelity Cases Look
Like?
Developing Your Own
Framework
Intervene
Develop a treatment
With 1st and 2nd
order elements
Revised: why
does this
couple have
this problem?
Why does this
couple have
this problem?
Evaluate your
stance on how
the divisive
issues affect
what you’ll do
Evaluate how
the 4 A’s
affect
what you’ll do
Evaluate how
background
variables affect
what you’ll do
Building Your Hard Drive

Components:





Identify your CPU
Identify how your installed
software affects how your CPU
runs
Intervene from a second order
perspective
Running the Program (How
will you use the software?)
Output (How will your clients
benefit from the program?)
Let’s Log On: LAST TIME


View the video clip
Discuss with a pal/palette:





Why you think this couple had this problem
How might your placement on the divisive
issues affect what you do?
How might social background characteristics
affect what you do?
How might the 4 A’s affect what you do?
Given the things above, what will your
treatment framework look like?
Our Last “Byte”…

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No one “right way”
 Very important variables can affect your
treatment
Know where you stand on divisive
issues/continua
Know where you stand on how your personal
variables might affect your treatment
Attend to both the CLIENT and THERAPIST
systems
Questions? Comments?