WELCOME
Communicating Effectively
OVERVIEW: COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
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Self Assessment
Communication Basics
Five Axioms
Communication Influencers
Forms of Talk
Emotional Intelligence
Listen, Observe, Confront
Practice
Review and Reflect
GET SET: ASSESS YOURSELF
Rate Yourself on a 1-5 scale (1 is low, 5 is high)
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2
3
4
5
Sum
Rate your effectiveness in communicating with family.
Rate your perceived effectiveness in communication
with colleagues at work.
Rate your effectiveness when communicating with
your supervisor.
Rate your effectiveness when communicating in a
conflict situation.
Rate your overall effectiveness.
Total Score
MAX
25
DID YOU KNOW?
• Study by the American Communication
Association revealed that globally:
• On average, in developed nations we
speak some 16,000 words per day;
some of us as many as 47,000 words.
• 62% of us feel as if we are
communicating effectively to friends
and family.
• 57% feel we communicate effectively
with our boss.
Video
CONFLICT CAUSES AT HOME/WORK
REASONS WE DIVORCE
• Growing apart
• Unable to talk to each other
• Money
• Spouse’s personal problems
• Not enough attention
Michele Weiner-Davis
Author, Relationship Expert
REASONS WE DISAGREE
• Communication styles
• Role ambiguity
• Management/leadership style
• Business etiquette
• Disrespectful behavior or biases
University of Oklahoma
Communication is often the root cause of problems
both at home and at work.
COMMUNICATION BASICS
Why do we communicate?
• Discover ourselves
• Build relationships
• Influence others
• Survive and thrive
What does GOOD communication look like?
•
Relevant
•
Truthful
•
Clear
•
Consistent
•
Respectful
MESSAGE MECHANICS
“Meaning is found in people, not in words.”
David Berlo
Video
FIVE AXIOMS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
In face-to-face interactions:
1. Communication is inevitable; we can’t NOT communicate.
2. Communication always involves words and nonverbals.
3. Communication is always about content and relationship.
4. Communication is either symmetrical or complementary.
5. Communication is punctuated differently by each participant.
Pragmatics of Human Communication
Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson, 2011 ed.
EXAMINING THE FIVE AXIOMS
Pragmatics of Human
Communication
Watzlawick, Bavelas, Jackson
COMMUNICATION INFLUENCERS
•
Culture
o
o
•
Beliefs/values
Norms
Geography
o Where you’re from
•
Experiences
o
o
Video
What works/doesn’t
Positive/negative
GENDER AND GENERATIONAL COMMUNICATION
Gender
Generational
She focuses on relationship;
he focuses on the task.
Traditionalists
1925-63
Face to face communication
Formal, typed, or hand-written letters
She makes eye contact; he
glances about.
Baby Boomers
1946-64
Telephone; Face to face; Fax;
E-mail (and a lot of it!); cell for calling
more than text
She asks questions—it’s
conversation; he feels
threatened by anything NOT
related to the point.
GEN-X
1965-78
Let “me” choose my communication and
how often I do it; they know and
understand technology and want to use it.
She focuses on feelings; he
the task.
GEN-Y/
Millennials
1979-97
Text; Online social networks;
E-mail (but only for work or school);
Instant message
She interrupts to show
concern; he to control the
conversation.
THREE FORMS OF TALK
Connect—may be about nothing in particular, but in all cases,
it’s a bid for attention to us.
• Hi, how are you?
• Please pass the butter.
Control—commonly used when we have a problem to solve
(demand or command), beyond that which may be commonly
addressed by connect talk.
• We need to get our coats on now before we get a cold.
Dialogue—Used to solve problems, address issues that require
positive engagement of others to resolve.
• We have an issue to resolve, I need your help.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
•
•
•
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Identifying emotions
Using emotions
Understanding emotions
Managing emotions
E.I. is our ability to acquire and apply
knowledge from our emotions and the
emotions of others in order to solve
problems and live a more successful,
fulfilling life.
FOUR DOMAINS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
• Personal Competence (Intrapersonal):
How we manage ourselves
• Domain 1: Self-awareness
• Domain 2: Self-management
• Social Competence (Interpersonal):
How we manage relationships
• Domain 3: Social-awareness
• Domain 4: Relationship management
PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-AWARENESS
• Emotional self-awareness
• Accurate self-assessment
• Realistic self-confidence
PERSONAL COMPETENCE: SELF-MANAGEMENT
• Emotional self-control
• Transparency
• Optimism
• Adaptability
• Innovation
• Achievement
SOCIAL COMPETENCE: SOCIAL AWARENESS
• Empathy
• Organizational awareness
• Service
SOCIAL COMPETENCE: RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
• Inspiration
• Influence
• Developing others
• Change catalyst
• Conflict management
• Teamwork and collaboration
EQ AT WORK
“Experts now acknowledge that emotional intelligence
(EI) is perhaps the most crucial determinant of success in the workplace.
And unlike IQ or other traditional measures of intelligence,
EI can be developed and dramatically increased.”
Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, 2000, Emotional Intelligence at Work
Contribution to our success at work:
IQ: 20%
EQ: 80%
SURVEY TIME
Emotional Intelligence at Work
For each of the following items, rate how well you are able to
1 = Very Slight Ability
display the ability described. Before responding, think of
3 = Moderate Ability
actual situations in which you have had the opportunity to use
5 = Great Ability
the ability.
1. Associate different internal physiological cues with
different emotions.
1 LO
2
3
4
5 HI
2. Relax when under pressure in situations.
1
2
3
4
5
3. Gear up at will for a task.
1
2
3
4
5
4. Know the impact that your behavior will have on others.
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2
3
4
5
5. Initiate successful resolution of conflict with others.
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
…
25. Accurately reflect people’s feelings back to them.
Hendrie Weisinger, Emotional Intelligence at Work
ASSESSING YOUR RESULTS
Components:
Sum Questions:
Your Score: If you score:
Self-awareness
1, 6, 11, 16, 21
≤ 25
Managing Emotions
2, 7, 12, 17, 22
≤ 25
Motivating Yourself
3, 8, 13, 18, 23
≤ 25
Empathy
4, 9, 14, 19, 24
≤ 25
Social Skill
5, 10, 15, 20, 25
≤ 25
Total
≤ 125
>100, HIGH EQ
50 to 100 Good EQ
< 50 Rated below
average on EQ
For each of the five
components of EQ a
score above 20 is
considered high, while
a score below 10 is low.
WORKPLACE COMMUNICATION
Communication in the workplace is a constant challenge. The pressures to
perform and the chaos of constant change often create an environment which
makes a “meeting of the minds” seem like an oxymoron.
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•
•
•
Learn to listen
Focus on the issue(s)
Respect others
Be aware of the emotional
subtext (yours/others)
• Remember the 5 Axioms—
they still apply.
BE A BETTER LISTENER
• Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
• Be attentive, yet relaxed.
• Keep an open mind to the speaker’s message – try to feel what the
speaker is feeling.
• Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
• Do not interrupt and do not impose your "solutions."
• Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions - ask questions
only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding
questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought).
• Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings,
or simply say "uh huh."
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues - to feelings, tone of voice, inflection,
facial expressions, gestures, posture.
• Be aware of potential barriers that impact your ability to listen
effectively.
Video
MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AT WORK
USEFUL STRATEGIES
• Frustration/irritation
• Worry/nervousness
• Relax
• Reframe
• Anger/aggravation
• Dislike
• Disappointment
• Respect
• Refocus
• Regenerate
• Unhappiness
• Review
“Everything can be taken from a man but the last of human freedoms
– the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances,
to choose one's way.”
Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
APPLYING COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES
IMPACT OF GOOD COMMUNICATION
OBJECTIVE:
Ascertain whether the quality of
physician-patient communication makes
a significant difference to patient health
outcomes.
STUDY SELECTION:
Randomized controlled trials and
analytic studies of physician-patient
communication in which patient health
was an outcome variable.
CONCLUSIONS:
The outcomes affected were, in
descending order of frequency,
emotional health, symptom resolution,
function, physiologic measures (i.e.,
blood pressure and blood sugar level)
and pain control.
National Institute of Health
CONFLICT
“Anyone can become angry—that is easy.
But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree,
at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.”
Aristotle
• Conflict refers to a disagreement;
opposing points of view.
• Conflict occurs when two or more
people perceive their goals are
mutually exclusive.
• Conflict may be interpersonal or
intrapersonal.
• Conflict is inevitable in life; we
may encounter it both personally
and professionally.
THE MINDFUL APPROACH
Five steps:
• Reframe
• Recognize
• Rehearse
• Respond
• Reflect
COMPASSIONATE CONFRONTATION
REFRAME
• Adopt an appreciative mindset
• Value the other (Behavioral Style, etc.)
• Seek to make things better, not worse
RECOGNIZE
• What’s the issue?
• What’s at stake?
• How might you engage constructively?
REHEARSE
• Structured dialogue
• Have a plan; map out key points
• Organize your thoughts
RESPOND
• Choose a safe place and time
• Seek to understand more than blame
• Focus on the issue(s); be patient but persistent!
• Don’t absorb negative energy
• Work toward a solution; summarize key points
REFLECT and REVIEW
• Follow up!
REFRAME
• Adopt an appreciative
mindset.
• Value the other.
• Seek options to make
things better.
RECOGNIZE
• Core issues
• Conflict styles
• Emotional responses
• DiSC styles
• Conflict traps
YOUR RESPONE TO CONFLICT
CONFLICT MODEL
REHEARSE
• Plan ahead
• Organize thoughts
• Practice
• Structured dialogue
o AID
o GROW
• Minimal effective response
• Relationship reminders
USEFUL TOOLS
AID:
GROW:
• Action:
What happened and when and
what might it mean?
• Goal:
What needs to be
done/achieved?
• Impact:
What’s the consequence of the
action, why does it matter, and
to whom?
• Reality:
What necessitates action?
• Do:
What might be done to resolve
the issue or concern—what
does success look like?
• Options/Obstacles:
What might be done and
when?
• Will/Way Forward:
How will we measure
success?
PRACTICE TIME
• Think of a situation that required
or requires compassionate
confrontation.
• Pick one of the two tools
(AID/GROW) and think about how
you would apply it.
• Pick a partner and practice then
review and critique the process.
RESPOND
• Be proactive
• Remember Axioms
• Use effective dialogue
communication skills
•
•
•
•
Be aware of emotions
Stay focused
Be authentic
Be appreciative
GIVING FEEDBACK
• Be constructive.
• Focus on behavior rather than personality.
• Consider the needs of the listener; be helpful,
not vindictive.
• Concentrate on the issue(s) over which the
recipient has control.
• Engage in sharing of ideas and information.
• Address problems/issues as early as possible.
• Consider the amount of information the receiver
can actually use. Don’t overload people with
information.
• Be concerned with what and how things are said
and done.
• Be real, authentic, sincere!
• DON’T apologize for the need to engage in a
crucial conversation.
• Review expectations.
MINIMAL EFFECTIVE RESPONSE
DON’T expect to do it all in one
session.
Decide on one or two challenging
issues and deal with them, building
trust and confidence in the process
with the parties involved.
REFLECT
• Was I mindful?
• Did I attempt to reframe?
• Did I recognize core issues,
conflict styles, and traps?
• Did I respond effectively?
• What lessons have I learned as
I reflect on managing conflict
productively?
ONE MORE TOOL
Crucial Conversations
• Start with heart. Ask yourself what you
really want.
• Learn to look. Engage in dialogue talk.
• Make it safe. Create a comfortable
situation.
• Master your story. Think through your
emotions.
• State your path. Share your facts.
• Explore others’ paths. Look for areas
of agreement.
• Move to action. Decide what will
happen, document, and follow up.
SOCIAL MEDIA
The rules of social media:
• Have a say
• Meaningful dialogue
• Be engaged and involved in the
process
• Personal interactions with others
• Be listened to
• Help shape what they find useful
• Connect with others engaged in
similar activities
• Plain talk
REMEMBER THE AXIOMS
• We WILL communicate
• Content and relationship
• Verbal and nonverbal
• Symmetry and complementary
• Punctuation
XXXXX
• Communication is an essential
part of life at home, work, and
play.
• Good communication practices
may be observed and learned.
• The consequences of failing to
apply good communication
practices may be significant.
• Good communication requires
effort and diligence, but the
payoff is judged to be worth it.
BUILD A PERSONAL ALIGNMENT PLAN (PAP)
Plan
Responses
Core Purpose/Mission
Identity
Values/Beliefs
Capabilities/Strengths
Behaviors/DiSC Style
Constraints
Hopes/Dreams/
Expectations
What is the object of your desire regarding Complex
Role?
Measures
How will you document your progress?
WRITING AND REFLECTION