© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Introduction to Communication
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Watzlawick’s Five Axioms of Communication
These basic axioms are necessary to have a functioning communication between two
individuals. If one of these axioms is somehow disturbed, communication might fail.
It's not possible not to communicate: Every behaviour is a kind of communication.
Because behaviour does not have a counterpart (there is no anti-behaviour), it is not
possible not to communicate.
Every communication does have both a setting of content and one of relations: This
means that all communication includes, apart from the plain meaning of words, more
information - information on how the talker wants to be understood and how he himself
sees his relation to the receiver of information.
The nature of a relationship is dependent on the punctuation of the partners
communication procedures: Both the talker and the receiver of information structure the
communication flow differently and therefore interpret their own behaviour during
communicating as merely a reaction on the other's behaviour (i.e. every partner thinks
the other one is the cause of a specific behaviour). Human communication cannot be
de-solved into plain causation and reaction strings, communication rather appears to
be cyclic.
Human communication involves both digital and analogue modalities: Communication
does not involve the merely spoken words (digital communication), but non-verbal and
analogue-verbal communication as well.
Inter-human communication procedures are either symmetric or complementary,
depending on whether the relationship of the partners is based on differences or parity.
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The TA-model of communication (Transactional
analysis)
 Transactional analysis is a model of
human communication – discovered
from Eric Berne - in which the basic
element is a transaction: a signal from
one person – it doesn’t matter if it’s verbal
or non-verbal – and a response from
another person.
 From Watzlawick we know, that you
cannot have no communication: you are
sending signals if you are aware of it or
not. That is why it is so important to be
able to notice, who is sending what kind
of signals to you and what you are
sending to another person.
 Within the transactions we send well-liked
signals as praise, appreciation,
comforting, but we also give negative
signals like criticism, suffering words, and
reproach.
 In the TA model a person is considered in
3 parts:
critical
Parent
ego-state
nurturing
Adult
ego-state
Child
ego-state
free
adapted
rebellious
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The ego-states and some typical expressions
Critical
Parent (cP)
nurturing
Parents (nP)
Words: you should, must, never; you
cannot do that; that’s childish;
everybody knows that; how could
you?; proverbs, idioms, moralising
comments
Words: good, nice, lovely, you poor,
We’ll arrange/ manage this, what
kind of wishes do you have?, can I
help you? Don’t worry, don’t get
angry, ...
Voice: sharp, decisive, strained,
impatient, patronising, dressing-down
Voice: with love, smooth, comforting,
attentive, soothing
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Point-finger arouse, eyebrow high,
head trembling, shoulders stiff;
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Body towards the receiver, arms are
moving towards the r., stroking the
other’s hair, with understanding, …
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The ego-states and some typical expressions
Adult (A)
Words: what, why, how, where, who; correct; practical; what are the
facts?; What follows?; What is necessary, what fits?; I conclude …
Voice: objective, balanced, correct, monotone
Gesture, mimicry, attitude: thoughtful, observant, open, eye contact,
upright, open-minded, interested, perceptive, testing, concentrated
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The ego-state and some typical expressions
Words: phh; i didn’t do it; Rebellious
no!!; you must be joking!; child (rC)
Why me?; I won’t take
that; quit that!; you’re
nuts!; that’s none of your
*$!#ing business!
Voice: defiant,
demanding, moody, loud,
grumbling
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Closed up, chin and lips
forward, sprawled,
stamping, pouting, sticking
the tongue out,
refusing, protesting
Free child Words: Great!, nice!,
(fC)
*$!#ing great!; I need…; I don’t
like …; I’m angry,
Voice: loud, free, energetic
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Laughing, air-kissing, direct
anger, crying, bright-eyed,
open mouth, lively, excited,
adapted
relaxed, playful, spontaneous,
child (aC)
curious, expressing feelings
Words: thank you, please, perhaps, I hope so, i
would like to…, I don’t know, I’ll try, that’s unfair,
it’s always me…
Voice: monotone, humble, tearful, soft, pleading
Gesture, mimicry, attitude: restrained, sad,
pouting, closed, dejected, hanging shoulders,
downcast glance, crossed arms and legs,
shrugging, shy, fearful, gives in easily
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
TA-model of communication
 All these parts are included in every personality – but in different
percentages. It depends on education/ socialisation, on the
context, which part will dominate in a concrete situation. By
reflecting you will find out, which part ist more dominant in which
situation in your life and how useful this combination is for a
successful communication.
 In general, the combination of the adult ego-state, the nurgering
parental style and the free child ego-state makes working
together easier, since it improves information flow and feedback.
 With practice, the adult ego-state can take the role of an
arbitrator.

© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Transactions
In the TA model there are three patterns of transactions:
1.
A
B
2.
Parallel = complementary
transaction
A
B
Crossed
transaction
3.
A
B
transaction “under
the carpet”
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Your own experience
 Think about situations in your life, where you are using elements of
the different ego-states while communicating.
 What kind of experience have you made?
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What did you say? What did the other person say?
What kind of non-verbal signals were sent?
What is your hypothesis about the ego-states?
What was your inner reaction? (feelings, impulse to act or speak)
How have you and the other person behaved?
How successful was the communication?
which of your reactions have been appropiate/ which not?
 If you are thinking about a problem in your profession, try to
distinguish your sentences, which you are planning to say in such,
which will be appropriate to the parent-ego, to the child-ego
and to the adult ego; it will be a good preparation to avoid
misunderstanding or conflicts.
 You will see, if you reflect like this, that it is usually possible to
identify the ego-state: through your behaviour, both you and
your partner have an idea of what ego-state you are in and
what state you provoke in the other person (you can draw
conclusions from your automatic reaction to the other person’s
ego-state).
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Conclusions from the model
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Berne found out that some ego-states are more productive for our
communication than others (A, nP, fC)
The ego-state-model is a good instrument for the analysis of confusing
discussion situations and for finding solutions or decisions
The model widens the possibilities for making choices
It helps me guide my behaviour in a better way
Avoid putting people into boxes or categories
Become more aware of your own blind spots (that usually stem from
adult or child ego-states), e.g. use the Johari window
A mature personality is conscious of their current ego-state and is
able to change it – depending on the situation – in the interests of
positive communication
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The four-ears model of Schulz von Thun
Relationship Ear
Facts Ear
Self-disclosure Ear
Appeal Ear
Appeal
Sender
Facts
Message
Self-disclosure
Relationship
Receiver
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Relationship Side
What’s my attitude towards you and our relationship?
 Messages contain a statement about how one person views the other as well as
about the state of their relationship. This shows itself in
 The chosen formulation
 Cadence or tone of voice,
 Non-verbal expressions (e.g. mimic, gestures,)
 It is impossible to discuss on the facts level without in some way coming into contact
on the relationship level.
 The relationship level dominates the facts or information level (iceberg model
 If problems in the relationship sharpen, the only thing that helps is to talk about it: the
information must wait until the relationship is restored.
Mother
“Put on your jacket as well! It is cold outside.”
Sender
Selfdisclosure
Daughter
Facts / Content
Message
Appeal
Receiver
Relationship
You won’t make the right decision on your own!
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Facts Side
What am I informing about?
 Messages contain factual information, i.e. Concrete information about a particular
topic.
 Objectivity is a given when I can make myself understood by the receiver without
one of the other three sides gaining the upper-hand.
It is cold outside!
Mother
“Put on your jacket as well! It is cold outside.”
Sender
Selfdisclosure
Facts / Content
Message
Relationship
Appeal
Daughter
Receiver
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Self-disclosure Side
What am I saying about myself?
 A message also says something about the sender, the person speaking.
 This self-disclosure can either be conscious or unconscious.
Mother
“Put on your jacket as well! It is cold outside.”
Sender
Selfdisclosure
I’m concerned
about you!
Daughter
Facts / Content
Message
Relationship
Appeal
Receiver
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Appeal Side
What am I trying to induce you to do? What effect do I want to have?
 A message contains not only information, but also the intention to
influence the other person to do, not do, think or feel something. There
are three variants:
 Hidden Appeal The sender tries “softly, softly” to generate some “good
weather” for his undertaking, without his competitor noticing
 Paradox Appeal The sender says the opposite of what he intends to achieve,
since he knows that the receiver doubts his word anyway
 Open Appeal
A direct expression of wishes or demands
Mother
“Put on your jacket as well! It is cold outside.”
Sender
Selfdisclosure
Daughter
Facts / Content
Message
Relationship
Appeal
Put on your
jacket!
Receiver
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Questions for the Sender
Factual aspect
 How can I communicate the factual content clearly and without
misunderstanding?
Relationship aspect
 How do I treat other people through my style of communication?
Self-disclosure aspect
 What do I want to disclose about myself
Appeal aspect
 Do I induce someone to behave in a particular way due to my style of
communication, without realising it?
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
The Four Sides Of A Message – Example
Factual aspect
What I’m informing you
about:
“The traffic light is green”
Self-disclosure
aspect
Sender
(Husband)
The “message”
What I’m saying
about myself:
Appeal aspect
What I am trying to
induce you to do?
“Step on it!”
“I’m in a hurry”
The Situation:
Wife is driving, husband is
passenger
Relationship aspect
My attitude towards you
and our relationship
“You need my support”
Receiver
(Wife)
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Communication Tips
Facts
1. Remain factual
2. Speak understandably
3. Listen analytically
Appeal
Self-disclosure
7. Speak in the first person
Discussion
8. State your own opinion
10. Present convincing arguments
11. Ask questions
12. Steer fairly
9. Clarify intentions and goals
Relationship
4. Listen actively
5. Mention feelings
6. Give and receive feedback
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Facts
1. Remain objective

Place the topic as focus of the conversation, rather than yourself or
your own interests. The following behaviours could support
objectivity:
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Formulate the topic as a common problem-in-common
Analyse the problem
Collect various solution ideas
Ask for information
Designate opinions as personal evaluations
Compare estimates with current values
Discuss the consequences in several dimensions (financial, personnel,
technological, organisational)
2. Speak understandably

Messages are easier to understand when the speaker organises his
thoughts and presents them in a logical order. The following tips help:



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Use short, simple sentences with common words; explain foreign words
and jargon where necessary.
Present the information in a logically-constructed form, with a
recognisable path.
Keep the message short and concise, sticking to the important points.
Use additional stimuli: pictures, comparisons, illustrations (possibly also
visually).
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Facts
3. Listen analytically
 Factual content can be discussed more clearly when the
discussion partner listens analytically and not associatively.
Listening analytically means:
 Don’t lose your train of thought through stimulating words.
 Stick to the statements of your discussion partner and don‘t go on
tangents.
 Check the validity of the arguments rationally, don‘t let emotions deflect
you.
 Check the arguments for unspoken assumptions and superficially plausible
rationale.
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Relationship
4. Active listening
 Listening in people-centred discussions is called active, when it is
not limited to a passive reception of information, but rather involves
a range of highly active processes:
 To put oneself in the other person’s shoes, to think and feel from his
perspective
 To attempt to comprehend what the other person really means and
wants to say (i.e. not to get stuck on certain sayings or key words)
 Try to sense the emotional state and mood of the other person
 Keep back one’s own evaluations, suggestions and spontaneous
reactions or sometimes for a while knowingly suppress them
 Let the other person know that you’re following his statements by use of
body signals (eye contact, “hmm”, nodding)
 Actively listening is recognisable, when the listener
 Summarises the sender’s statements and attempts to repeat
 Notes the emotional state of the other person and addresses it;
 Sticks to the main message with open questions, or those that invite
further reflection;
 Can withstand pauses;
 Sends nonverbal signals (see above)
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Relationship
5. Discuss feelings directly
 Emotions are usually recognised and decoded from non-verbal
signals. Physical responses typically fall into one of three basic
categories:
 Like (joy, trust, sympathy, satisfaction, hope)
 Dislike (Aggression, Antipathy, defensiveness, discontent)
 Anxiety (fear, doubt, disappointment, pain, evasion)
 At work people are generally shy about mentioning the discussion
partner‘s emotions. It requires sensitivity and practice to formulate
the observed emotional state accurately and appropriately.
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Relationship
6. Give feedback
 One should lets one’s discussion partner know how you’re
experiencing the situation and the other person, after certain
episodes or passages. Such statements are helpful when there are
misunderstandings or conflicts.
 With feedback, you let the other person know how you have
understood his statements, what wishes you have, and how you
have experienced him. It is just as important to receive such
statements, as to give them, without reacting crossly, out of sorts or
defensively.
 Such responses are better received, when you
Describe content instead of passing judgement;
Formulate emotions directly instead of indirectly;
Speak in the first person (“I”) instead of third person (“One”, “it”);
Allow reciprocity, i.e. staff can speak to their manager in the manager
that he speaks to them.
 State your own wishes (concretely what the other person should do
differently)
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

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© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Self-disclosure
7. Speak in the first person
 A discussion partner seems more believable, when he
expresses his beliefs and emotions. It is particularly import in
conflict situations, to admit one’s feelings and discuss them
openly.
 Personal statements can be recognised since
 They are in the first person (“I’m annoyed every time that you’re
late.” “I don’t dare consult the director about this matter.”)
 Formulations in the second or third person are omitted. (“You
can never be on time!”)
 One leaves out “one” formulations. (“One cannot talk to the
director about such a matter!”) At work the focus is on concrete
decisions and individuals, not general pearls of wisdom
 Observations and wishes are expressed directly and in a timely
manner (not: “I could imagine you taking over this task...”, but: “I
want you to take over this task”).
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Self-disclosure
8. State one’s own opinion
 Every supervisor has his own opinion; some, however, believe they
should not state it (e.g. at evaluations) or that they have to align
themselves with the authorities (their supervisors or experts). Supervisors
are often recommended that they should withhold their opinion.
However, it helps their credibility and the teamwork, when the
supervisor
 Has the courage not to shy away from unpleasant messages and personal
statements;
 Develops a sense for when his opinion is needed or wanted, and when not;
 Doesn’t present his opinion as scientific truth, but lets people recognise the
subjectivity (“In my opinion …”, “My experience tells me …”)
9. Clarify intentions and goals
 Meetings can be shorter and more concentrated when the chair
states his intentions and goals clearly. For this he should
 State his personal ideas and goals
 Pay attention to the ambiguity of goals; they can have human, technical,
financial and organisational aspects
 Discuss conflicting goals (between people or different aspects) openly
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Appeal
10. Argue convincingly
 The persuasiveness of an argument is increased when it connects with the
listener’s ideas, frame of reference and motives. The following approach brings
someone to the required consequences:
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Set goals
Take expectations and experience of staff into account
Analyse approaches
Take positive and negative consequences into account
Determine concrete measures
11. Ask questions
 Questions mark the “royal path” through a discussion. Who asks questions,
forces his listener to answer. So that someone cannot avoid answering, you
should not ask several questions at the same time. One can distinguish between
closed, open, direct and indirect questions:
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Closed questions can only be answered with “yes, “no” or with facts (“Have you
finished the experiment?”)
Open questions allow the person questioned to give his view (“How far are you with
the experiment?”)
Direct questions explore what the questioner wants to know (“What do you think about
Smith’s suggestion?”)
Indirect questions follow a particular strategy (leading or ambiguous questions) (“Do
you not think Smith’s suggestion is too expensive?”)
© Dr. Conor John Fitzsimons (Baden-Baden), Dr. Klaus Wagenhals (Mühlheim/Main) (2005)
Tips for Conversations – Appeal
12. Steer fairly

The other person must be able to recognise what you intend and have
a chance to propose an alternative. The following behaviours differ
from manipulative techniques in that they are open and transparent:

Define and formulate issues: Where are we? What’s it about?

Propose the method for resolving the issue: a scheme for analysing the
problem, meeting minutes, facilitation, set a time limit etc.

Make suggestions and ask others to also.

Make statements concrete: request, clarify, refer to the topic

Ask for and give information

Summarise statements occasionally, and draw conclusions

Bring about a decision and make it binding.