1
Marriage and Money
JIM SUTHERLAND, RMNI.ORG, JIM@RMNI.ORG
Expectations

Life after the fall of Adam and Eve is not easy,
especially if the Trinity is not in our life.
 The
years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of
strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble;
they are soon gone, and we fly away. (Psa 90:10 ESV)
 Marriage
joins two selfish-by-nature sinners.
 Childbearing
and child raising are hard.
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Advantages of being Americans


3
Life could be much more difficult. In the USA we have:
 The rule of law, political freedom, balance of
government powers, and strong public institutions such
as schools, churches, healthcare, and a decent
infrastructure.
 Our biggest problems do not revolve around surviving
in a nation with unchecked corruption at every level,
and completely unrestrained leaders.
80% of Americans are satisfied with their standard of
living (6/6/14), while 22% of the global population lives on
$1.25/day or less (12/23/13).
http://www.gallup.com/poll/170999/standard-living-index-climbs-sixyear-high.aspx
 http://www.gallup.com/poll/166565/one-five-worldwide-living-extremepoverty.aspx

US cultural ungodliness




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Materialism: “preoccupation with or emphasis on material
objects, comforts, and considerations, with a disinterest in or
rejection of spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values.” Dictionary.com
Sexual immorality expressed or practiced virtually
everywhere.
Relativism. This is a denial of all absolutes (except that there
are no absolutes), leaving us with no point of reference for
what is right or wrong.
Scientism: “an exaggerated trust in the efficacy of the
methods of natural science applied to all areas of
investigation” www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/scientism
The Bible gives moral absolutes and
wise financial principles, which are
not generally accepted.

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Biblical marriage principles:

Two become one in marriage. (Mat 19:5). Have finances in common.

Two are stronger than one. (Ecc. 4:12)

“He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the
LORD.” (Pro 18:22). She brings him good all her days (Pro 31:12).

“…a wise man listens to advice.” (Pro 12:15)

The chain of headship: God, Christ, husband, wife (1 Cor 11:3).
Marriage is interdependent, but not a democracy.
The husband (servant-leader)
normally provides for his family.
 Adam
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provided-- Genesis 2:15 The LORD God took the man and put
him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Male
provision for the wife is illustrated in
 1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone [masculine in Greek] does not provide for
his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied
the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
 Hosea 2:7-8 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she
will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back
to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' 8 She
has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain,
the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold-which they used for Baal.
The husband may delegate
responsibility, not renounce it.

If the wife is better at handling and tracking
finances, let her do it, but the husband must
know the overall state of household finances
and intervene as needed.

The husband has final authority in finances, and
final responsibility.

Listen to your wife and husband. If either end of
the financial boat goes down, you both sink.
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General financial principles

We don’t know, but God does.

“I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and
there is none like me, declaring the end from the
beginning and from ancient times things not yet
done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will
accomplish all my purpose.” (Isa 46:9-10 ESV)
 If
any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives
generously to all without reproach, and it will be given
him. (Jam 1:5 ESV)

Always, we must balance current demands and
future demands. Only we don’t know the future.
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General financial principles

Always face reality (the providential truth).
 Often
people will avoid totaling their debts.
 People
will add a “faith” factor and ignore present truth.
 After
significant income or expense events, people fail to
adjust before they get into trouble.
 Some
people are perpetual dreamers, always chasing
something big, but not catching anything.
 Better
what the eye sees than the roving of the appetite. This too
is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (Ecc 6:9 NIV)
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Generosity
As for the rich in this present age, charge them
not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the
uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly
provides us with everything to enjoy.
 17
They are to do good, to be rich in good
works, to be generous and ready to share,
 18
thus storing up treasure for themselves as a
good foundation for the future, so that they may
take hold of that which is truly life. (1Ti 6:17-19
ESV)
 19
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A generous life

The median per person household income globally is $2,920.
In Liberia it is $118 and in the USA it is $15,725. Where do you
fall in the spectrum? Would you be considered “rich” in this
spectrum?



http://www.gallup.com/poll/166211/worldwide-median-household-income000.aspx accessed 6/26/14
Generosity should characterize our life at any point.
What would it take for someone to accuse you of being
generous?


What does your being generous look like to you?
We can give 10% of gross income, not be generous (and also love
money).
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A few other principles
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
Money, or wealth, is a leading, perhaps the leading idol. It is
singled out in competition with serving God (Luke 16:13).

Riches deceive and don’t provide ultimate security.

“Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show
restraint. 5 Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they
will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.” Pro 23:4 NIV

1 Timothy 6:9 People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a
trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into
ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of
evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith
and pierced themselves with many griefs.
Should Mom work outside the home?
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
A mother’s normal work is to nurture the children and to
manage the home.

1 Timothy 5:14 So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to

Titus 2:4-5 Then they [older women] can train the younger women to love their
manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be
kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of
God.
Mothers need to spend adequate time mothering.
 Malachi 2:15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his.
And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in
your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
 The Prov. 31 lady successfully met family needs and was a businesswoman

Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings
she plants a vineyard. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and
her lamp does not go out at night. 28 Her children arise and call her
blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do
noble things, but you surpass them all."
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Marital Stages
PREMARRIAGE
Disclosure before marriage

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What financial patterns were in my and your family
of origin—discipline, balance, panic?
Are we savers, spenders, or balanced?
What (total) debts do we have and what impact will
they have upon starting marriage?
Will we go into debt, and if so, for what?
What does each expect of the other with regard to
finances?
Who will work, when?
What Kingdom goals will we have? What giving
goals?
Will we live on a budget, and who will maintain it?
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Children

If you can, have children. The creation mandate is still in
force to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:22).


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If we can multiply, God can add. All four of our children graduated
with no school loans from four-year colleges.
God wants godly kids, not just kids (Mal 2:15).

Nurture of young children is normally the work of the mother, and is
more important than a higher standard of living.

I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their
households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. (1Ti 5:14 ESV)

They [older women] are to teach what is good, and so train the young
women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure,
working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the
word of God may not be reviled. (Tit 2:3-5 ESV)
Teaching children

This is also the job of the father.


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And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You [masculine in Hebrew] shall teach them diligently to your
children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and
when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you
rise. (Deu 6:6-7 ESV)
Teach through the book of Proverbs several times. These
are principles for living according to how God has
constructed our world, and give the greatest chances of
success if those principles are followed.

They will teach your children about the proper use of money and
sex.
Plan very early for children’s
education
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
Consider starting their bank account at birth and have
them contribute toward it as they grow.

Teach children a strong work ethic. This will enable them to
succeed regardless of barriers.
 “Pay-as-you-go”
 Teach
 Put

through college or technical schools.
them to excel academically, and to get scholarships.
them in environments where they are encouraged academically.
Seriously consider home schooling in some form.
College?

We are to train a child in the way he should go (Prov.
22:6), or the way in which he is “bent”.


College does not fit everyone’s gifting.
The average debt for college grads is about $23,500.
Total student debt surpasses credit card debt, at about
1 trillion dollars. Some retirees still have college debt.


William Bennett, Is College Worth It?, 2013, ISBN: 978-1595552792, p. 3-4.
Consider starting a 529 Plan, as offered in your state.

Startup and contributions can be small amounts, and others
can add to it.
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Young marrieds (20-40)
AVOID DEBT AND SAVE
Construct a financial timeline
through to age 70-80
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
Commit your plans to the Lord (Pro 16:3).

Those goals you have faith to pursue, put on graph
paper or spreadsheet, so that goals will be tied to an
exact year or range of years.
 Keep
 This
asking God to grant you success in these goals.
is how my wife and I got to Hawaii on our 20th anniversary.
Sample long-range goals: graph your
time left, based on 70-80 years
now
Have kids
Save 4
college
Save 4 car
Pay off all
consumer
debt.
Grad
school ?
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Pay off
house
Begin
business
Save 4
college
Save 4
weddings
Old age $
40
Debt-free
Estate and
Kingdom
goals
Old Age $
Second
career?
Finishers.
org
Old Age $
Travel &
mission
trips
Travel &
mission
trips
50
60
Kingdom
funding
Grandchildren
Praying
Encouraging
Get house
in order
70
80
Take a day or weekend with your spouse to pray over and plan for longterm
goals.
Focus upon savings, not your credit
score (access to more debt).
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
Breaking even is foolish—”devouring all” we have (Pro
21:20).

We save against future “evils,” such as breakdowns and
poor health (Pro 22:3; 27:12).
 Know

for what you are saving, to avoid hoarding.
Develop an emergency fund of perhaps 3-6 months.
Saving tips
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
To make it harder to “raid” your savings, make it
harder to access them.
 Automatically
debit your checking account to savings at a
bank account hard to access.

Automatically debit your checking account to invest
in the stock of a solid company through a dividend
reinvestment plan (DRIP). Such stock purchases may
cost little or nothing. Visit www.DirectInvesting.com for
details on how to establish this account.

Consider www.Sharebuilder.com for $4/month stock
purchases. It’s harder to liquidate shares than simply
draw out money.
Saving

Establish a “ladder” of savings.
Begin with a passbook savings account.
 When you have sufficient funds, transfer it to an out-oftown money market account with low fees (such as
Vanguard Prime Money Market Fund).
 From there move into higher-paying investments—
bonds, CD’s if interest rates are high, mutual funds and
stocks, or into tangible investments such as land.


Try to save at least 10% of your gross income. You
only think you are saving if it is not there at the
end of the month.
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Social Security Is Not Enough
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Currently, if you were born in 1960 or later, you will not be
eligible for full Social Security benefits until you’re 67.
 As of 2000, if you are a man and live to 65, you will live
another 13 years—to 78. That’s a lot of Christmases1.
 Women at 65 live an average of 17 more years—until they
are 82—4 years longer than men. Will you be able to take
care of both of you, and will your wife be provided for when
you’re gone?
 The average monthly Social Security payment in January
2012 was $1,229 for a retired worker and $1,184 for a
widow(er)2.

1 http://ssa.gov answer ID 418 2http://ssa.gov answer ID 310, accessed 9/7/06)
2 http://www.ssa.gov/pressoffice/colafacts.htm accessed 5/25/12
Save Early
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
The earlier you save and invest the better. If you
start investing $2,000 annually at 8% in an IRA at
25, you will have $606,487 at 65. If you delay
until 35, you’ll have only $266,427, a loss of
$340,0601.

If your employer offers matching retirement
money, utilize it.
1 Dean O. Webb, “Don’t delay, start saving today,” Christian Financial Concepts, Money
Matters, 10/99, p. 3
TWO APPROACHES
TO SPENDING
•
From a false assumption
•
•
•
of what “ought” to be able to spend.
“I owe it to myself!” “I deserve to be able
to ….”—a deductive approach
From actual income/provision
•
From within the circle of God’s
provision—an inductive approach
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Develop a budget-7 steps
1. Pray for wisdom (James 1:5) and for selfcontrol (Galatians 5:23). Habitual overspending
is a spiritual issue.
2. BEFORE spending, plan MONTHLY expenses
and LONG TERM GOALS (greater than 1 year,
requiring savings).
3. Record DAILY expenses in a columnar ledger
or software program—keep a running total in
each expense category (using the ledger or on
the outside of a cash envelope).
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Budgeting steps
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4. At month’s end, TOTAL expenses in each
category and compare with target figures,
and adjust for next month, if needed.
5. Compare ALL expenses and with ALL
income.
6. Move any surplus to savings, earmarking
it for a particular need.
7. Deduct any shortfall from your next pay
before spending it.
DEBT IS DISCOURAGED


The Bible discourages debt, but it isn’t a sin.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to
love one another….” Romans 13:8

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the
lender. Proverbs 22:7

[The alien] will lend to you, but you will not lend to him. He will
be the head, but you will be the tail. Deuteronomy 28:44

Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the
one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:42.
Bankruptcy should be avoided and all debts satisfied.

The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give
generously; Psalm 37:21
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Older Marrieds (40 onward)
GETTING AND KEEPING OUR HOUSE IN ORDER
Goal of financial freedom—no
anxiety about money, and are
prepared

The goal is to be completely free of consumer
debt, including autos and credit cards and
student loans.

Then work to pay off your home, normally, so
that is not an expense when retirement income
is usually less.

If Mom didn’t work due to children, she can
enter the marketplace, if you both agree.
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Consider long-term healthcare
insurance for catastrophic illness.

The earlier you purchase this, the less will be
monthly payments. The better your health, the
lower your rates (MassMutual).

God expects family to care for aged members
(1 Tim. 5:8), but sometimes it is too much, as with
advanced dementia. If we can’t afford this
insurance, God will provide.
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Try to work until age 70, in the USA

Currently your monthly Social Security payout will
increase 8% a year between the ages of 67 and
70.
 Of
course, if you do not live as long, you will be better
off to take payments are full retirement age of 67. We
don’t know the future, but longevity of our parents
and grandparents, as well as our personal health can
give indications. Again, only God knows the future
and He can guide each of us.
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Kingdom investing


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“Do your giving while you’re living, so you’re knowing
where it’s going.” Larry Burkett
Provide for your spouse, children and grandchildren (Pro
13:22).

Provide enough for them to do something, but not so much that
they can do nothing.

Our legal will should be current.

Our spouse and perhaps our executor should know how to locate
all assets, including websites, user names, and passwords (a paper
copy).
Aim for Level 6 giving.
6 LEVELS OF GIVING
1. Giving little or nothing. Among born-again
Americans, 24% gave nothing to churches in
20071.
2. Inadequate giving--giving less than 10%. Only
24% of evangelicals (the 7% most strongly
committed Christians) tithed in 20072.
3. Obedient giving. Giving a tithe.
4. Giving beyond obedience--beyond the tithe.
1,2 George Barna, “New Study Shows Trends in Tithing and Donating,”
http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/18-congregations/41-new-study-shows-trends-intithing-and-donating April 14, 2008, accessed 2/3/10
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6 LEVELS OF GIVING
5. Giving generously, being “willing to share”
1 Timothy 6:18 Command them to do good, to be
rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing
to share.
6. Surpassing generosity. Giving out of God’s
bounty, becoming a conduit of His blessing
2 Cor. 9:11 You will be made rich in every way so that
you can be generous on every occasion, and
through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving
to God.
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His and Hers
It’s generally better to have unity of finances. One
checkbook, one debit/credit card account, etc.
 Be careful that separate inheritances, if any, do not
divide the husband and wife.

 Forge
an agreement. For example, each has liberty to
spend it as s/he sees fit.
 If

there is separate money, split certain expenses.
Unless one is an addict or otherwise untrustworthy,
have assets in both names and have each other as
primary beneficiaries.
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Divorce—a financial disaster

Baby boomers continue to divorce at high rates. In
2010 about 46% of those aged 55-59 were divorced,
and about 43% of those aged 60-64 were divorced.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/03/27/divorce-is-actually-onthe-rise-and-its-the-baby-boomers-fault/
In general terms, those divorcing will have to live on
half the income, and maintain their own household
on that income, not considering any alimony.
 The
next worse thing is to divorce twice.
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Golden Years

Typically couples will spend more on travel
during early retirement, when their health is
good.

Every good gift comes from God. Continue to
pray about purchases as stewards of God’s
money.
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What if your personal income is more
than sufficient?

Are you a bucket or a funnel (L. Burkett). Will you
give at least a tithe of your income to the work of
God? Or will more money lead you away from
God (Matt. 11:14)?

Will you be more generous and a better steward
of your life and gifts, or simply enjoy personal
financial freedom with a focus upon this life?

Will we use resources to reach the 2 billion who
have never heard of Christ?