Happily Ever After?
Theme verses
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish (Ephesians
5:22-27, ESV)
But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9, ESV)
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they
may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure
conduct (1 Peter 3:1-2, ESV)
Our story
Once upon a time, when the world was new and all was as it should be, there was a wedding. A man,
son of the King and firstborn of all creation, awoke to see her – the most intoxicating, breathtaking
creature he had ever laid eyes on. Standing next to her, basking in the radiance and joy of newfound
love, was her Father; walking his daughter down the aisle in the garden of paradise was none other
than the Maker of the world. It was truly a match made in heaven. If ever there was to be a happilyever-after, this was it.
Alas, the story does not end there. Its opening chapters move quickly from the joys of a wedding to
the horrors of war. Ever been there? The Antagonist, the Dragon, moved his campaign from fighting
God and the angels in heavenly realms to attacking husband and wife on earth. If only it was a fairy
tale! Friends, we must understand that the context of marriage is war; as such, it will be assaulted.
Are we prepared to fight for our marriages? You see, our enemy hates all that bears the mark of the
Maker, and those things he seeks to either corrupt or undo. Marriage tops the hit list because in it is
seen a picture of the Gospel – the relationship between Jesus and his bride, the Church. Today we’re
examining that picture and the unique roles of husbands and wives in it [read Ephesians 5:22-27].
Let’s start with the men. You will notice that most of the directives here are addressed to husbands;
that’s because we are the primary bearers of responsibility for the relationship. After Adam and Eve
sinned, who did God call for? Adam [read verse]. Eve sinned first, but God held Adam responsible.
And the question he asked our first father he also asks of us: Where are you? Men, when it comes to
your marriage, where are you?
God appointed husbands to be the head of the relationship just as Jesus is the head of his union with
the Church [slide]. Gentlemen, our benchmark is Jesus; nervous yet? Our calling is to love our wives
in the same way that Jesus has loved us. So how does he love us? First, he saves [slide]. He rescued
us from peril and slavery to sin; he freed us from the things that would destroy us. In the same way,
you are your wife’s protector. Are you looking out for her wellbeing? Are you lovingly stepping in to
safeguard her from situations that would harm her? Spiritually speaking, there is a very real enemy
who prowls around, seeking an opportunity to destroy your wife. What are you doing to stop him?
Do you pray for her and with her? Do you make church and the Scriptures a priority in your home?
Do you ask her about her spiritual growth?
Second, he sacrifices [slide]. Jesus sought our good at his own expense. Men, can the same be said
of you? Do you seek what is best for your wife even if it costs you? Now, I don’t want you to think of
this as a burden but as a joy. The writer of Hebrews says that Jesus endured the agonies of the cross
because of the joys set before him (12:2). That joy was us – his bride, the Church. The joy that drives
you and gets you through any hardship as a husband should be this: seeing your wife thrive.
Third, he sanctifies [slide]. Another way of saying this is to make holy and set apart for God. Is your
wife a better person for having you as her husband? Is she holier? Inevitably there will be conflicts
and problems, but can you honestly affirm that she is better off for marrying you? If I would ask her,
what would she say? Part of sanctifying is making glorious; are you enabling her to radiate as God’s
image-bearer? Are you working with Jesus and the Holy Spirit to reveal that glory, or is it becoming
more tarnished under your leadership? Here’s the truth, men: Scripture says that your wife is your
glory (1 Corinthians 11:7). She is a reflection of your leadership; whether she flourishes or falters is
the verdict on you. How are you doing?
Ladies, it’s your turn. Allow me to begin by saying that I don’t write the mail, I just deliver it [slide].
These verses have been manipulated and mishandled along both sides of the aisle. Male chauvinists
and misogynists see in them a wife who is voiceless, inferior, and subservient to her husband; they
are wrong. Equally wrong are feminists who believe these and similar words were written by sexist
men to a culture where women were second-class citizens and, consequently, they no longer apply.
So what does it mean to submit to your husband? The Greek word offers some helpful guidelines: a
voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, or carrying a burden. I want to
emphasize voluntary; this implies you are on equal footing but choose to defer to his leadership. It
has absolutely nothing to do with being inferior or second-class.
Now the bottom line, the key is this phrase, “as to the Lord.” You are not worshiping your husband;
you are worshiping Jesus. You may be thinking, “My husband isn’t holding up his end of the bargain.
He doesn’t deserve my submission.” Maybe not; but Jesus does. Notice this isn’t conditional: “Wives,
submit to your husbands if they’re a good leader, if they’re the perfect man, if you agree with their
decisions.” This is an act of the will, a conscious choice; and at times it will likely conflict with what
you feel.
In the early Church, as the Gospel first began to spread, many women eagerly became followers of
Jesus. But suddenly they found themselves married to a man who didn’t share their beliefs. So they
began asking, “What should I do? I follow Jesus, he doesn’t. Should I take the lead? Should I nag him
until he comes to church with me? Should I write Bible verses on every mirror in the house?” Peter,
Jesus’ best friend, answered their questions [read verses]. Don’t nag, don’t be overbearing. Submit.
Love your husbands to the best of your ability, and let that win them over. Notice that in a very real
sense, you are calling your husband up. You are inviting him to step up and rise to the occasion. And
that is leadership – just in a different form.
This is not about being passive or silent or powerless, not at all. It simply means you are not fighting
for control of the wheel – but you can still help navigate. Ladies, I cannot emphasize this enough: In
every thriving, godly marriage I have ever had the blessing to observe, bar none, the husband holds
his wife in the highest regard – in a sense of awe, really. “Behind every great man is a great woman.”
So here we are, far away from Paradise and perfect marriages. But I submit to you this morning that
by implementing God’s framework, we can have that happily ever after…
Discussion
Ladies, how can your husband love you well?
Men, how can your wife follow you well?
Have you ever considered marriage as a portrait of the Gospel? How so?
When we don’t follow God’s plan for marriage, we distort the Gospel. Do you agree or disagree?