Module 11: Developing Friendships
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing
Targeted Social Emotional Supports
2014
Module 11: Developing Friendships
Objectives:
Participants will:
 Understand how to use instructional practices to help children develop friendships
 Understand how the classroom context promotes or inhibits friendship
 Understand how to involve families in helping their children develop friendships
 Understand how to conduct formative assessment related to children’s friendship skills
 Understand how to articulate the relationships between targeted instructional practices,
Foundations for Early Learning and Development, and NC Professional Teaching Standards in
regards to developing friendships
Pre-learning Assignment
 Instructions
 Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships: Teacher/Staff Self Checklist
 Caring about caring: What adults can do to promote young children’s prosocial skills
30 Minute Review of Pre-learning Assignment
90 Minute Face-to-Face Session
 Script and PowerPoint Presentation
 Supporting Materials:
o Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships: Teacher/Staff Self Checklist
o Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships: Observer Checklist
o iPoints for Teachers: Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships
o iPoints for Administrators: Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships
o Prosocial Behaviors Important for Developing Friendships
o Developing Friendships Formative Assessment
o Strategies to Support Children in Developing Friendships
o Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines
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Videos:
 Module 11: Developing Friendships video 1
 Module 11: Developing Friendships video 2
Post-learning Activities: Extension into the Classroom
 Instructions
 Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines
Materials and Supplies:
 Chart paper
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
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Chart markers
Index card with one friendship skill (i.e. organizing skills, sharing, being helpful, taking turns,
apologizing, giving compliments) listed for each table or pair of participants
Index card with disability or risk factor category (i.e. non-verbal, autistic, cerebral palsy, visually
impaired, hearing impaired, English language learner, etc. ) listed for each table or pair of
participants.
Collection of or index cards listing classroom toys such a blocks, dramatic play clothes, balls,
puppets, board games, play dough, art materials (i.e. paint brushes, paint, construction paper,
markers, glue, etc.), friendship books, journals/notebooks, jars/cans, musical instruments,
scripted stories, stuffed animals, baby dolls, etc.)
Supporting Materials:
 NC Professional Teaching Standards available at:
http://nceln.fpg.unc.edu/sites/nceln.fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/TeachingStandardsPOSTER.pdf
 NC Foundations at a Glance:
o Approaches to Play & Learning
o Emotional and Social Development
o Health and Physical Development
o Language Development and Communication
o Cognitive Development
 NC Foundations for Early Learning and Development-NC Standard Course of Study Crosswalks:
o Approaches to Play and Learning
o Emotional and Social Development
o Health and Physical Development
o Language Development and Communication
o Cognitive Development
 NC Foundations for Early Learning and Development available at:
http://nceln.fpg.unc.edu/sites/nceln.fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/NC%20Foundations%202013.p
df
 DEC recommended practices in early intervention/early childhood special education 2014
available at http://www.dec-sped.org/recommendedpractices
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports: Developing Friendships
Pre-learning Assignment:
1. Read Caring About Caring: What Adults Can Do to Promote Young Children’s Prosocial Skills - at
this link:
http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/201107/CaringAboutCaring_Hyson_OnlineJuly2011.pdf .
Respond to the questions below:
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In your own words define prosocial behavior. Why is it so important that the behavior be
voluntary?
Why is development of prosocial behavior important?
What strategies can be used to teach prosocial behavior?
Describe the process of induction in developing prosocial behavior?
How might culture / family impact prosocial behavior?
What information from this article can you share with families that would support their
child’s development of prosocial behavior?
2. Come to the upcoming face-to-face session on Developing Friendships prepared to discuss with
your colleagues prosocial behavior, why it is important, what strategies can be used to teach it,
and how you can share this information with families.
3. Assess your current practices related to Developing Friendships using the Instructional Practices
for Developing Friendships Teacher/Staff Checklist. Reflect on one practice(s) you wish to
improve in the current or upcoming school year. Be prepared to discuss in face-to-face session.
4. Select an instructional practice from the self-assessment on which you rated yourself as
implementing ‘almost always.’ Describe, in writing, a strategy you use to implement the
practice. Be prepared to share the strategy in the face-to-face session.
30 minute review of pre-learning assignment
1. Share your thoughts and reflections from the reading assignment
2. Share instructional strategies that you currently use related to a practice on the instructional
practices checklist
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
90 Minute module Face-to-Face session
Contact hours: 2 contact hours (90 minute session plus 30 minute pre-learning activity review)
[Trainer: Handouts you will need:
1- Prosocial Behaviors Important for Developing Friendships handout (Attachment 1)
2- Developing Friendships – Formative Assessment (Attachment 2)
3- Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships Checklist (Attachment 3)
4- NC Professional Teaching Standards – at this link:
http://nceln.fpg.unc.edu/sites/nceln.fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/TeachingStandards-POSTER.pdf
5- NC Foundations for Early Learning and Development – at this link:
http://nceln.fpg.unc.edu/sites/nceln.fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/NC%20Foundations%202013.pdf
6- iPoints (Attachment 4)
7- Strategies to Support Children in Developing Friendships (Attachment 5)
8- Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines (Attachment 6)
[Trainer note: don’t forget to discuss pre-learning assignment (instructional practices self-assessment,
reading, and reflection upon article – ‘Caring About Caring’ - See also introduction, below).]
Slide 1: Introduction
Hello and welcome to this session on developing friendship skills. Prior to this session you read the
article, Caring About Caring. Based on what you learned from this article, why is it important for us to
think about helping children build frienships in our classrooms?
[Allow participants to respond.]
Slide 2: Friendship Skills
In Merriam-Webster's dictionary a friend is defined as a person who you like and enjoy being with as
well as a person who helps or assists. It indicates that friends are attached to one another by affection
or esteem and are not hostile. A friend is a favored companion. (friend. 2014. In MerriamWebster.com.Retrieved August 25 from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/friend). As adults
we understand that the essential elements of friendship are reciprocity and commitment. However, we
have to remember that children often see friendships differently based on their developmental levels.
For instance, as infants and young children social play depends on proximity so 3-4 year old children
might define a friend as someone who happens to be near them or whose toys they like. A 5-6 year old
child continues to focus on their own needs but might realize that someone else may have a different
point of view. Around the age of 7-8 children begin to realize that friendships are personal and may be
based on common interests (Gurian, 2012).
Now let’s think about the skills needed to develop friendships among the children in your classroom.
Think about a child who plays well with a lot of other children. What characteristics does the child
demonstrate that makes him or her get along so well with others? Take a few minutes at your tables to
discuss your thoughts about what skills are needed to develop friendships. Jot down 3-5 characteristics
you would consider important in making friends. Also consider what the short-term and/or long-term
outcomes might be for these chidren.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
[Allow 5 minutes for discussion, ask groups to report out characteristics and chart responses. Prompt
as needed to include sharing, taking turns, creating play opportunities, humor, enthusiasm,
compliments other children, kind to others, and helps others. Expected outcomes might include
development of self-confidence, continual friendships, school success, and healthy adult adjustment.]
What happens when children don’t have these skills? Think about children in your classrooms who
don’t have these skills. What have you noticed about these children? What might the short-term and/or
long-term outcomes be for these children?
[Allow participants to respond. Prompt as needed to include challenging behaviors such as pushing
and grabbing, quiet, hovers arounds adults, shy, sad, plays alone, hesitant to approach other children.
Outcomes might include isolation, loneliness, and adult mental health issues.]
Slide 3: Why friendship skills are important
The single best childhood predictor of adult adaptation is not school grades, and not classroom
behavior, but rather, the adequacy with which the child gets along with other children.
-Willard Hartup, President of International Society
for the Study of Behavioral Development
Research suggests that young children who learn positive social skills are more likely to have positive
relationships, acceptance, and friendships later on in school and as adults (Eisenberg et al. 1991).
Competence in developing friendships also correlates with academic skills. For example, a recent Head
Start study showed that children scoring higher on prosocial competence were determined later in the
year to be the most “cognitively ready” for school (Bierman et al. 2009). Although many children
develop these positive social skills naturally, some children do not. Children who don’t develop these
skills naturally have difficulty interacting appropriately with their peers and are thus at risk for later
social problems. The good news is that adults can teach young children friendship skills – even to
children with very challenging behaviors. And in doing so, can make a tremendous difference in a child’s
life --potentially for a lifetime.
Slide 4: Objectives
Participants will:
 Understand how to use instructional practices to help children develop friendships
 Understand how the classroom context promotes or inhibits friendship
 Understand how to involve families in helping their children develop friendships
Slide 5: Objectives
Participants will:
 Understand how to conduct formative assessment related to children’s friendship skills
 Understand how to articulate the relationships between targeted instructional practices,
Foundations for Early Learning and Development, and NC Professional Teaching Standards.
In this session we’ll discuss strategies to help children develop friendships while helping them move
toward early learning and development standards [hold up Foundations].
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
We also want you to reflect on how your instructional practices, related to developing friendships,
demonstrate your proficiency as measured by the teaching standards in our teacher evaluation system
[hold up handout of teaching standards]. We’ll also talk about family involvement and formative
assessment.
Slide 6: Reciprocity and Lengthy Encounters are key
When children are successful at making friends, they have opportunities to learn and practice many
social skills such as cooperation, sharing, turn taking, helping others and giving compliments. Successful
social interactions also provide a context for our English Language Learners to become proficient in their
new language (Tabors, 1997). Two elements that have been shown to be important to the
development of relationships or friendships are reciprocity and having lengthy encounters or repeated
interactions. The Division of Early Childhood (DEC) Recommended Practices in Early Intervention/Early
Childhood Special Education (2014) “provide guidance to practitioners and families about the most
effective ways to improve learning outcomes and promote development of young children, birth
through five years of age, who have or are at-risk for developmental delays or disabilities”. In DEC
Recommended Practices (2014), Instructional Practice 10 states, “Practitioners implement the
frequency, intensity, and duration of instruction needed to address the child’s phase and pace of
learning”. To assist children in developing friendship, we need to not only provide instruction in how to
connect with other children but also give the appropriate amount of time and support within play
activities to develop each relationship.
Slide 7: What prosocial behaviors are important for developing friendships?
There are several discrete behaviors that young children engage in during play with each other that
seem to be directly related to having friends (Tremblay et al., 1981). That is, children who do more of
these behaviors are more likely to have friends and have more positive experiences playing together.
You hit on a lot of these in our previous discussion but to review the specific behaviors include giving
suggestions to organize play, sharing toys and other materials, taking turns, being helpful, being
affectionate, giving compliments, understanding how and when to give an apology and beginning to
empathize.
Slide 8: Handout – Formative Assessment
Now take out the handout Prosocial Behaviors Important for Developing Friendships [Attachment 1].
Take a few minutes to read through the descriptions for each behavior.
[Trainer note: Ask experienced teachers to bring ideas / suggestions related to formative assessment
of Developing Friendships and share with the group when reporting out on each skill area.]
[Allow participants 5 minutes to review handout.]
Let’s spend some time thinking about how we can conduct formative assessment around each of the
prosocial behaviors listed on this handout. We are going to divide into 6 groups by counting off by 6s.
Group 1 will focus on organizing play, group 2 will focus on sharing, group 3 will focus on being a team
player, group 4 on taking turns, group 5 on giving apologies, and group 6 on giving compliments. Each
group needs to write a definition of target skill (clear learning targets), list characteristics of target skill,
list examples and non-examples (define criterion for success), list evidences that can be used to
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
determine progress in this area (collect and analyze evidence). Document your work on handout 2
Developing Friendships – Formative Assessment [Attachment 2] and we will report back in 15 minutes.
[Allow 15 minutes to complete activity]
Can we have group 1: organizing play report out?
[Allow group 1 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Can we have group 2: sharing report out?
[Allow group 2 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Can we have group 3: being a team player report out?
[Allow group 3 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Can we have group 4: taking turns report out?
[Allow group 4 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Can we have group 5: giving apologies report out?
[Allow group 5 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Can we have group 6: giving compliments report out?
[Allow group 6 to report out definition, examples, non-examples and evidences]
Slide 9: Instructional Practices Checklist
Now look at the instructional practice checklist [Attachment 3] for developing friendships in your
handouts. This is the same checklist you used to assess your practices before attending today’s session.
The items on the checklist have been adapted from the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations
for Early Learning (CSEFEL) and the University of Iowa. The checklist items are part of the Teaching
Pyramid Observation Tool or TPOT. The SEFEL (Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning)
project has recognized that this information is research-based and shown to be effective in helping
children learn.
Slide 10: Video of Lisa promoting prosocial behavior in the block center
Let’s watch a video clip of a teacher as she helps two children start to learn how to play more
successfully together. To give you some background on this classroom at the time of the videotaping it
included 17 children age three to five. Four of the children were identified as Exceptional Children:
three as Developmental Delay and one as Speech Impaired. Several children were identified with social
emotional needs in the classroom including five children who had been referred for play therapy due to
severe emotional trauma. One child was a Dual Language Learner. The classroom staff included one
teacher and two assistants. At the time of the videotaping an additional support person was working in
the classroom. One of the students you will see in the video was new to the classroom and had
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
exhibited many extreme physically aggressive behaviors. The other child was identified as having
significant delays. As you watch think about what friendship skills Lisa is addressing as well as what
instructional practices she is using.
Find the Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships Observer Checklist [Attachment 3] from your
handouts and take a moment to review the instructional practices listed. We will look for these
practices when we observe the classroom.
[Show Module 11: Developing Friendships video 1.]
Ok, first let’s think about what friendship skills we see Lisa teaching. What did you notice about specific
skills addressed in this video?
[Allow participants to respond to include sharing, taking turns, being helpful, and organizing play.]
What clear, descriptive feedback did you hear her using? Are there any changes or adjustments you
would make to instruction?
Let’s again look at the instructional practices checklist for observers on Developing Friendships.To what
extent did you see these practices in the video you watched? What did you see that was evidence of
each of the practices on the checklists? Discuss this at your tables and we’ll come back and talk about it.
[Allow 5 minutes for participants to discuss what they saw and strategies they could recommend.]
Let’s come back together. What instructional practices did you see and what evidence of the practice
did you see? Is there anything you would have done differently?
[Groups report out. Prompt as needed to include:
 IP 1: Comment positively and descriptively on children who are working together,
helping each other or engaging in other friendship behaviors
 IP 2: Encourage children to play together
 IP 5: Provide increasing levels of assistance to help children enter and maintain
interactions with their peers
 IP 6: Explicitly teach or prompt children how to initiate and respond to their peers.
Slide 11: NC Professional Teaching Standards
Now pull out the handout that lists our NC Professional Teaching Standards. Put yourself in the shoes of
the principal who is observing Lisa’s classroom for evaluation purposes. Which teaching standard(s) did
the teacher demonstrate? Please talk at your tables, and we’ll come back and discuss.
[Allow 3 minutes for group discussion.]
What teaching standard did you see? What did the teacher do to demonstrate the teaching standard?
[Prompt as needed to include:
Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students]
Slide 12: Foundations
We’ll watch the video again and this time focus on the children’s actions and how they reflect the early
learning and development standard they’re working toward. First let’s split into groups each with an
assigned domain. That way you can focus your observation on actions related to the domain to which
you are assigned.
[Split large group into five subgroups – one group per each of the five Foundations’ developmental
domains.]
Take out your Foundations document. As you have learned in previous sessions, the standards are
organized around five different developmental domains. But we know that children integrate skills from
across areas of development to participate in day-to-day activities. So let’s think about what
developmental domains were addressed as the teacher guided the children to work out their
differences in the block center. Focus on the developmental domain to which you were assigned. After
the video, talk at your tables about the subdomains and goals you see represented. If you’re unsure
about the goal, read the text in the developmental indicators for more detail.
Slide 13: Developing Friendships Skills
[Show Module 7 Developing Friendships video 1 again.]
Okay – let’s come back together. What do you think? Were subdomains under Language Development
and Communication addressed?
[Have some participants report out. Prompt as needed to include:
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 LDC-4: Children speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.]
What subdomains under Approaches to Play and learning did you identify?
[Have some participants report out. Prompt as needed to include:
 APL-3: Children engage in increasingly complex play
 APL-7: Children demonstrate initiative]
What subdomains under Emotional and Social Development did you identify?
[Have some participants report out. Prompt as needed to include:
 ESD-2: Children express positive feelings about themselves and confidence in what they can do.
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.]
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
What subdomains under Cognitive Development did you identify?
[Have some participants report out. Prompt as needed to include:
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking
perspectives, and making decisions.
Slide 14: iPoints
iPoints are ‘Instructional Practices Observed IN Teaching Standards.’ You have two sets in your
handouts. They contain the same information, but iPoints for teachers are meant to facilitate teacher
self-reflection on the connection between practices, early learning and development standards, and
teaching standards. iPoints for administrators is meant to help them see the connections when they
observe a preschool classroom. Find the practices that we’ve talked about thus far in the session. Think
about the early learning standards and teaching standards identified on this handout.
[If time allows and /or not addressed in previous sessions, lead group in discussion regarding how
they might use this document to begin a discussion with administrators? With other teaching staff?]
Slide 15: Crosswalk showing standards addressed by using instructional practices for developing
friendships
Crosswalks, also in your handouts, show how the early learning and development standards align with
the NC Standard Course of Study (NC Essential Standards and the Common Core). The crosswalk is
meant to show that when we help children work on Language Development and Communication goal 2:
Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger group
interactions we are working on the Common Core Speaking and Listening Standards for kindergarten
goal 1: Participate in collaborative conversations with diverse partners about kindergarten topics and
texts with peers and adults in small and larger groups by following agreed upon rules for discussions.
You might also note a direct correlation between Language Development and Communication goal 4
and Common Core Speaking and Listening Standards for kindergarten goal 6 with both stating children
will speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.
Slide 16: Family Involvement
As noted in DEC Recommended Practices (2014), teachers should “provide the family with up-to-date,
comprehensive and unbiased information in a way that the family can understand and use to make
informed choices and decisions”. We support families in helping children develop friendships by sharing
relevant research information with them. For example, research indicates that when parents are explicit
about the type of behavior they expect to see, then children do in fact become more helpful and caring
than if expectations are not clear (Eisenberg et al., 2006). Other research indicates that offering
rewards for “being nice” does not lead to improved prosocial behavior but may cause children to
become less generous when the rewards are taken away ( Warneken & Tomasello, 2008). Teachers can
support parents by sharing this information and helping them think about how it might apply it to their
child’s development and their family’s practices. Teachers should also be aware of the cultural
differences associated with developing friendships. For example, many cultures emphasize the
importance of sharing and working together within the family and community (Hyson & Taylor, 2011).
These skills can help children develop friendships within the classroom.
Slide 17 : Setting the Stage
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Now let’s think about how we can be more intentional in teaching social skills in our classrooms. Prior
to teaching friendship skills, teachers need to set the stage by creating an inclusive environment by
having cooperative use toys and materials, planning to intentionally teach friendship skills, and creating
a friendly environment. This is supported by DEC Recommended Practices (2014) Environment Practice
3 which states, “Practitioners work with family and other adults to modify and adapt the physical (e.g.
space, equipment, and materials), social (e.g. interactions with peers, siblings and family members), and
temporal (e.g. sequence and length of routines and activities ) environments to promote each child’s
access to and participation in learning experiences”.
An inclusive environment where all children are meaningfully included in natural proportions is critical
to setting the stage for friendships (Guralnick, 1990). Friendships develop easier when all children feel
included. Take the time to learn about the similarities and differences of the children in your class.
Make sure your learning activities and daily routines are modified to support the needs of all children
including children of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds as well as children with disabilities. Let’s
take a look at a video that demonstrates the impact modifications can make in helping children develop
friendships. Dr. Cole Galloway, Program Director of Go Baby Go, has developed guidelines for modifying
off-the-shelf ride-on cars to increase exploration of kids with special needs. As you watch, think about
what friendships skills this child is able to develop that he may not have developed without increased
mobility.
[Show Module 11: Developing Friendships video 2.]
Ok, first let’s talk about what skills this child was or will be able to develop due to increased mobility.
What is the impact of increased mobility on this child’s ability to develop friendships?
[Allow participants to respond to include organizing play and being a team player.]
An example of modifications for children of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds is shared in an
article by Gillanders (2007). She describes one mono-lingual English-speaking teacher’s effort to build
social connection between Spanish-speaking and English-speaking peers. This teacher initiated the
process of learning Spanish by enrolling in classes, listening to CDs, and playing games on the internet.
She then began using her limited Spanish vocabulary as well as other Spanish materials to interact with
students in her classroom, creating an environment that valued the use of the Spanish language. As a
result, “speaking Spanish became a desirable skill” which increased the “Latino children’s social status
among their peers” (Gillanders, 2007).
Teachers can also help by including social interaction goals on the IEP. Although these goals are likely to
be the most critical for the child’s later development, they often do not appear on IEPs or IFSPs (Odom,
McConnell, & McEvoy, 1992), perhaps because many assessments do not include these skills as test
items. Assessment models such as Transdisciplinary Play-Based Assessment (TPBA) that include
observations in the child’s natural setting will assist in developing these goals. Assessment tools such as
the family checklist used in the TPBA process gives parents an opportunity to share in identifying and
developing these goals. Inclusion on the IEP will ensure that social interaction is recognized by all IEP
team members.
Can you think of modifications you could make to your environment / activities that might have this
level of impact for one or more children in your classroom?
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
[Allow participants to respond.]
Slide 18: Setting the Stage – Cooperative use toys / materials
Having cooperative use toys and materials increases the opportunities for social interaction.
Cooperative use toys are those that naturally lend themselves to two or more children playing together.
These toys give children real-life opportunities to practice developing friendship skills. Some examples of
cooperative use toys are balls, puppets, wagons, two telephones, dramatic play materials, and board
games. What types of cooperative use toys do you have in your classroom?
[Allow participants to share examples.]
Slide 19: Setting the Stage – planning to intentionally teach friendship skills
Remember friendship skills don’t just happen. Examine daily routines and embed friendship and social
interaction instruction and practice opportunities throughout the day. Plan time to teach friendships
skills just as you would literacy, math or any other skill. Design a flexible schedule which allows children
to become invested in partnership activities, plan time for cooperative activities (activities that require
at least 2 people) and use Peer Buddies during centers. In addition to taking advantage of naturally
occurring moments throughout the day teachers can intentionally embed instruction around friendship
development into almost any part of the daily schedule. For example, during small group you can plan
cooperative art projects such as marble painting. Within those activities, teachers can enhance
friendship skills by providing positive descriptive feedback. For instance, you may hear a teacher
reinforce sharing by saying “That’s so friendly. You shared your blocks with your friend. Then she traded
with you and gave you her car.”
Slide 20: Setting the stage – creating a friendly environment
Most importantly, teachers and caregivers need to devote energy toward creating an atmosphere of
friendship. When you walk into a classroom setting where an adult has successfully created this climate,
you see adults giving time and attention to children, you hear adults talking nicely to one another, and
you hear children supporting one another’s friendly behavior. Overall, you get a sense that friendship is
the ultimate goal. Additionally, teachers need to ensure they are not creating an unfriendly
environment by inhibiting opportunities of children with challenging behaviors for social interactions
(i.e. “quiet lunch”, denying children recess, letting them choose centers last, excluding a child from
circle, etc.). Sometimes we inadvertently create unfriendly environments by setting children up to use
negative social behaviors such as pushing to get ahead or yelling to be heard within a competitive
activity.
Slide 21: Handout - Strategies to Support Children in Developing Friendships
You have a handout titled Strategies to Support Children in Developing Friendships (Attachment 5). Take
some time to read over the information in the handout and discuss at your tables. Talk about what
strategies you are currently using to teach friendship skills and share examples with your table mates.
Think about what other strategies might benefit the children in your classroom including those children
with exceptionalities such as those with autism, cerebral palsy, hearing impairment , vision impairment
or learning English as a second language. As you discuss these strategies think about how you can
embed instruction into daily activities and how planning with related service personnel might be helpful.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
[Give participants time to review the handout and then allow them to respond. Allow participants to
share examples of how they use the strategies in their classrooms.]
Now we are going to take the information from the handout and give you the opportunity to develop an
activity for your classroom. On the table at the back you will find toys and materials that can be used in
teaching friendship skills. On each table you will find a card with one of the friendships skills listed (i.e. .
organizing play skills, sharing, being helpful, taking turns, apologizing, giving compliments) as well as a
card with a disability or risk factor category listed (i.e. non-verbal, autistic, cerebral palsy, visually
impaired, hearing impaired, English language learner, etc.). Each group needs to select an item from the
materials table and develop an activity that focuses on intentionally teaching the assigned skill. Also
consider how you might adapt it to address the disability or risk category assigned.
Slide 22: Develop iPoints document for activity developed
As you are developing your activity think about what you would include on an iPoints document for your
activity. So pull out the instructional practices checklist, your copy of the NC Teaching Standards
document and Foundations. As you look at the instructional practices checklist on Developing
Friendships – what practices would be addressed by implementing this activity in your classroom? What
is the evidence for each of the practices you selected? Next consider what teaching standards are
addressed by planning and implementing the activity. Finally think about what the children participating
in these activities are doing as it relates to the NC Foundations for Early Learning and Development. At
your table select one or two of the five developmental domains (i.e. Language and Communication
Development, Health and Physical Development, Emotional and Social Development, Approaches to
Play and Learning and Cognitive Development) and decide what early learning and development
standards are addressed by planning and implementing this activity. As you discuss these elements at
your tables, note the instructional practices and standards addressed so you can report out when we
come back together. Let’s take about 15 minutes to work on these activities and then we will report
out.
[Provide a variety of toys and materials common to most preschool classroom (see list below).Give
participants time to develop activity. Allow participants to share activities and how they plan to
implement in their classrooms.]
[Preschool classroom toys and materials list:
Blocks, dramatic play clothes, balls, puppets, board games, playdough, art materials (i.e. paint
brushes, paint, construction paper, markers, glue,etc), friendship books, journals/notebooks,
jars/cans, musical instruments, scripted stories, stuffed animals, baby dolls, etc)
Trainer Tip: You may ask participants to bring items on the list from their classrooms or simply write
the names of items on paper for participants to select. ]
[Allow 15 minutes for participants to develop activities and discuss at their table. Have participants
report out activities developed highlighting how they will intentionally develop friendship skills. Ask
them to share what instructional practices, teaching standards and early learning and development
standards would be addressed by implementing their activity. Prompt as needed to ensure
participants share supporting evidence for practices and standards.]
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Let’s come back together. Tell us about your activity, what skill area and disability or risk factor category
you were targeting. What instructional practices did you highlight? Give examples of strategies used to
address the practice. How are all teaching staff involved in successful implementation of these
strategies?
As you consider the NC Professional Teaching Standards. Which teaching standard would a teacher
demonstrate by planning and implementing this activity? How would the teaching standard be
demonstrated?
Discuss what early learning and development standards in that domain would children be working
toward?
Slide 23: Crosswalk showing standards addressed by using instructional practices for directions and
feedback
Now take a moment to look at the crosswalks between the early learning and development standards
and the NC Standard Course of Study (NC Essential Standards and the Common Core). Using the
Foundations domain you selected to review for your activity – can you identify what kindergarten skills
your activity would address?
[Allow 2-3 minutes for groups to discuss. Allow groups to report out.]
Slide 24: Planning for Implementation
We can see that developing friendship skills in preschool children can have a significant impact not only
on their success in kindergarten but also in life. As adults we value our friendships as a means to having
fun, dealing with stress, and problem-solving life situations. Developing friendships in our classrooms
should get as much attention as other academic areas in order to address the needs of the whole child.
We also must be careful not to arrange academic learning in such a way as to inhibit cooperative
learning and friendship.
So as we wrap up today, take a moment to identify one friendship skill you would like to target in your
classroom. Pull out the handout Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines (Attachment 6) and with
the person sitting next to you, discuss strategies you can use throughout the day to intentionally teach
the friendship skill you identified. Also consider how you can share this information with other teaching
staff and parents.
[Give participants time to talk for a few minutes. Then come back together and ask if participants
have questions.]
Slide 25: Questions
[Trainer tip – don’t forget to assign the post-learning activities – reflecting on ‘Developing Friendships’
etc. (see Post-learning Activities).]
References
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
NC Early Learning Network, a joint project of NC-DPI and UNC-FPG, 2014
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Chang, F., Crawford, G., Early, D., Bryant, D., Howes, C., Burchinal, M., Barbarin, O., Clifford, R., and
Pianta, R. (2007). Spanish-speaking children’s social and language development in prekindergarten classrooms. Early Education and Development, 18(2), 243-269.
CONNECT: The Center to Mobilize Early Childhood Knowledge. (n.d.). CONNECT modules. Module 4:
Family-Professional Partnerships. Retrieved from http://community.fpg.unc.edu/connectmodules/learners/module-4
Division for Early Childhood. (2014). DEC recommended practices in early intervention/early childhood
special education 2014. Retrieved from http://www.dec-sped.org/recommendedpractices
Eisenberg, N., Fabes, R. A. and Spinrad, T. L. (2006). Handbook of Child Psychology, Social, Emotional,
and Personality Development, Sixth Edition. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Gillanders, C. (2007). An English-speaking prekindergarten teacher for young Latino children:
Implications of the teacher-child relationship on second language learning. Early Childhood
Education Journal, 35(1), 47-54.
Guralnick, M.J. (1990). Peer interactions and the development of handicapped children’s social and
communicative competence. In H. Foot, M. Morgan, & R. Shute (Eds.), Children Helping Children
pp.275-305). Sussex, England: John Wiley & Sons.
Gurian, A. (2012, August). Friends and Friendships. Retrieved from
http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/friends_friendships
Hartup, W. W. (1992). Having friends, making friends, and keeping friends: Relationships as educational
contexts. ERIC Digest [Online]. Retrieved from http://ericeece.org/pubs/digests/
1992/hartup92.html
Hemmeter, M. L., Fox, L. K., & Snyder, P. (2014). Teaching Pyramid Observation Tool (TPOT™) for
Preschool Classrooms Manual, Research Edition. Baltimore, MD: Brookes Publishing Company.
Hyson, M., & Taylor, J. L. (2011). Caring about caring: What adults can do to promote young children’s
prosocial skills. Young Children, 66(4). Retrieved from
http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/201107/CaringAboutCaring_Hyson_OnlineJuly2011.pdf
Iowa State University Department of Human Development & Family Studies. (2013). Train-Coach-Train.
Retrieved from https://iastate.app.box.com/s/9rg5sxh5mfh43da7e05k
NationSwell. [NationSwell]. (2014, February 12). How One Man's Trip to Toys 'R' Us Brought Mobility to
Hundreds of Disabled Kids[Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNE7B0RTdA
North Carolina Department of Public Instruction. (2012). North Carolina Teacher Evaluation Process.
Retrieved from http://www.ncpublicschools.org/docs/effectivenessmodel/ncees/instruments/teach-eval-manual.pdf
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
North Carolina Foundations Task Force. (2013). North Carolina foundations for early learning and
development. Retreived from http://ncchildcare.nc.gov/pdf_forms/NC_foundations.pdf
Odom, S.L., McConnell, S.R., McEvoy, M.A. (Eds.) (1992). Social competence of young children with
disabilities: Issues and strategies for intervention. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes.
Smith, C. A. (2013). Beyond “I’m sorry”: The educator’s role in preschoolers’ emergence of conscience.
Young Children, 68 (1): 76-82.
Tremblay, A., Strain, P.S., Hendrickson, J.M., & Shores, R.E. (1981). Social interactions of normal
preschool children. Behavior Modification, 5, 237-253.
Warneken, F. & Tomasello, M. (2008). Extrinsic rewards undermine altruistic tendencies in 20-montholds. Developmental Psychology, 44 (6): 1785-88.
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Attachment 1
Prosocial Behaviors Important for Developing Friendships
Organizing Skills
 Children who are able to organize play situations can create play opportunities for themselves
and others. Play organizers might try to get a friend’s attention, give a friend a toy, or give an
idea of what they might do with a toy or material.
 With preschoolers, play organizers are usually “Let’s” statements, such as, “Let’s play trucks.”
Often these statements are followed by suggestions about roles (e.g., “You be the driver and I’ll
put the logs on the truck”) or specific activities (e.g., “Roll it to me.”).
 This skill can be demonstrated by role playing “right” and “wrong” ways to organize play
situations when you want other children to play with you.
 It is really important for us to provide opportunities for children to practice play organizing
within their daily interactions. We need to make sure that we are not only providing
opportunities for children to practice these skills, but that we are also promoting, supporting,
and encouraging children as they “try out” their new skills.
Sharing
 Children who are able to share have more positive experiences with peers. This skill allows them
to practice and experience positive social interactions. In turn, since having this skill allows them
opportunities to practice and experience positive social interactions, they also begin to learn
how to better handle situations when they don’t want to share what they are playing with.
 Children may offer to share materials they are using, respond to requests from others, ask
others to share, or refuse to share.
 As adults, we often expect young children to share without helping them understand what it
means to do so (Kemple, 2004). As teachers we need to be intentional about teaching sharing
and supporting children as they develop this skill in our classrooms.
Being Helpful / Team Player
 Being helpful is another skill that makes it easier for children to play and respond to others.
 Being helpful or assisting others takes many forms at the preschool level. Children might help
each other onto or off of an apparatus, they can tell or show a friend how to do something; or
they can assist someone in distress.
Taking Turns
 Forming friendships is dependent on two patterns of interaction.
 First, it is necessary for children to be reciprocal in their interactions. Reciprocity has two
dimensions. Initially, children need to be responsive to the social bids/requests of others. Also,
over a period of time (say several months), it is important that there be a relatively equal
number of occasions that each member of a friendship dyad starts an interaction.
 In addition to reciprocity, friendship patterns of interaction are also characterized by the length
of interaction occurrences. That is, friendship pairs engage in gradually longer play episodes and
interactions. When turn taking skills are high, the length of interactions increases.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships

Turn-taking might involve children playing a game where “you take a turn, I take a turn”, they
might ask for their turn with a toy, they might get a friend’s attention to initiate play by looking,
tapping, or calling them, or holding out their hand to indicate initiation of play and turn taking.
Give Apologies
 Learning when and how to give apologies, just like learning how to give compliments, can have
positive effects on the formation of friendships. Children begin to learn how to pay attention
and be more responsive to their friends’ feelings as well as how their behavior affects others.
 Adult guidance is often required to help children through situations that require an apology.
Smith (2013) states that “instead of telling the child to say ‘I’m sorry,’ emphasize the impact the
behavior has on the other child. Then give the child an opportunity to respond positively and
repair the wrong”. For example, if a child pushes another child down, help the child stop to see
that the other child is hurt and then guide them to offer assistance to help the child up. We
need to remember that the act of repairing the relationship is more important than the actual
verbal apology. The point is to be able to move forward and play together more successfully.
 Adults should not underestimate the power of modeling apologies in their interactions with
other teachers as well as with the children. A teacher being willing to apologize promotes
genuine relationship.
Giving compliments
 Unless teachers intentionally spend time developing the ability to give compliments they do not
often occur among preschoolers. However, this skill tends to have a powerful effect on the
formation of friendships.
 Preschoolers can compliment one another’s successes, buildings, and appearances. They might
say, “Good job Juan.” or “I like the way you painted that picture of your house.”
 When adults give compliments, it sets up an atmosphere in the classroom that promotes
complimenting each other. This can be a great model for children.
 Demonstrations and role playing can also help children learn what compliments are and what
words they might use to compliment someone. Role playing and having a compliment circle
where children can compliment each other about something that they did during the day allows
children opportunities to practice using compliments.
References
Kemple, M. K. (2004). Let’s Be Friends: Peer Competence and Social Inclusion in Early Childhood
Programs. New York: NY: Teachers College Press.
Iowa State University Department of Human Development & Family Studies. (2013). Train-Coach-Train.
Retrieved from https://iastate.app.box.com/s/9rg5sxh5mfh43da7e05k
Smith, C. A. (2013). Beyond “I’m sorry”: The educator’s role in preschoolers’ emergence of conscience.
Young Children, 68 (1): 76-82.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Developing Friendships
Formative Assessment
Clear Learning Target(s)
Criteria for Success
Documentation and
Analysis of Evidence
Descriptive Feedback
Change or Adjust
Instruction
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Attachment 3
Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships
Teacher/Staff Self-Assessment Checklist
To what extent do I:
Almost
always
Occasionally
Not yet
1. Comment positively and descriptively on children who are working together, helping each other or
engaging in friendship behaviors?
2. Encourage children to play together?
3. Use multiple strategies and materials (discussion, puppets, books) in group activities to teach
friendship skills (helping others, taking turns, organizing play)?
4. Provide children with planned opportunities to practice friendship skills (e.g. role playing,
pairing up with a buddy)?
5. Provide increasing levels of assistance to help children enter and maintain interactions with
their peers?
6. Explicitly teach or prompt children how to initiate and respond to their peers?
7. Use multiple strategies (peer buddies, structuring activities) to support children in learning and
practicing social skills?
8. Help children reflect on interactions with their peers?
9. Model friendship skills in interactions with children and other adults?
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Instructional Practices for Developing Friendships
Observer Checklist
To what extent does the teacher/staff person:
Almost
always
Occasionally
Not
yet
Not
observed
1. Comment positively and descriptively on children who are working together, helping
each other or engaging in friendship behaviors?
2. Encourage children to play together?
3. Use multiple strategies and materials (discussion, puppets, books) in group activities to
teach friendship skills (helping others, taking turns, organizing play)?
4. Provide children with planned opportunities to practice friendship skills (e.g. role
playing, pairing up with a buddy)?
5. Provide increasing levels of assistance to help children enter and maintain interactions
with their peers?
6. Explicitly teach or prompt children how to initiate and respond to their peers?
7. Use multiple strategies (peer buddies, structuring activities) to support children in
learning and practicing social skills?
8. Help children reflect on interactions with their peers?
9. Model friendship skills in interactions with children?
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Attachment 4
‘Instructional Practices Observed IN Teaching Standards’
for Administrators
Developing Friendships
Practice 1: When I observe a teacher consistently comment positively and descriptively on children
who are working together, helping each other or engaging in friendship behaviors…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 ESD-2: Children express positive feelings about themselves and confidence in what they can do.
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 2: When I observe a teacher consistently encourage children to play together…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 APL-3: Children engage in increasingly complex play
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 3: When I observe a teacher use multiple strategies and materials (discussion, puppets,
books) in group activities to teach friendship skills (helping others, taking turns, organizing play)…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 APL-4: Children demonstrate creativity, imagination, and inventiveness
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships



Developing Friendships
Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 4: When I observe a teacher provide children with planned opportunities to practice
friendship skills (e.g. role playing, pairing up with a buddy)…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 LDC-4: Children speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 5: When I observe a teacher provide increasing levels of assistance to help children enter and
maintain interactions with their peers…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 APL-3: Children engage in increasingly complex play
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking
perspectives, and making decisions.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 6: When I observe a teacher explicitly teach or prompt children how to initiate and respond
to their peers…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 APL-7: Children demonstrate initiative.
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 LDC-4: Children speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking perspectives,
and making decisions.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Developing Friendships
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 7: When I observe a teacher use multiple strategies (peer buddies, structuring activities) to
support children in learning and practicing social skills…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in groups.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 8: When I observe a teacher help children reflect on interactions with their peers…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 APL-2: Children actively seek to understand the world around them
 APL-6: Children use a variety of strategies to solve problems.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate
in groups.
 ESD-6: Children identify, manage, and express their feelings.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking
perspectives, and making decisions.
What teaching standards is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 9: When I observe a teacher modeling friendship skills in interactions with children and other
adults…
What early learning and development standards is he/she addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-6: Children identify, manage, and express their feelings.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
What teaching standard is he/she demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
‘Instructional Practices Observed IN Teaching Standards’
for Teachers
Developing Friendships
Practice 1: When I comment positively and descriptively on children who are working together,
helping each other or engaging in friendship behaviors…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 ESD-2: Children express positive feelings about themselves and confidence in what they can do.
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 2: When I encourage children to play together…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 APL-3: Children engage in increasingly complex play
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 3: When I use multiple strategies and materials (discussion, puppets, books) in group
activities to teach friendship skills (helping others, taking turns, organizing play)…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 APL-4: Children demonstrate creativity, imagination, and inventiveness
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Developing Friendships
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 4: When I provide children with planned opportunities to practice friendship skills (e.g.
role playing, pairing up with a buddy)…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 LDC-4: Children speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 5: When I provide increasing levels of assistance to help children enter and maintain
interactions with their peers…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 APL-3: Children engage in increasingly complex play
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking perspectives,
and making decisions.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 6: When I explicitly teach or prompt children how to initiate and respond to their peers…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 APL-7: Children demonstrate initiative.
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 LDC-2: Children participate in conversations with peers and adults in one-on-one, small, and larger
group interactions.
 LDC-4: Children speak audibly and express thoughts, feelings, and ideas clearly.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking perspectives,
and making decisions.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
Effective Teacher Practices for Providing Targeted Social Emotional Supports
NC Early Learning Network, a joint project of NC-DPI and UNC-FPG, 2014
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Module 11: Developing Friendships

Developing Friendships
Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 7: When I use multiple strategies (peer buddies, structuring activities) to support children in
learning and practicing social skills…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard III: Teachers know the content they teach
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 8: When I help children reflect on interactions with their peers…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 APL-2: Children actively seek to understand the world around them
 APL-6: Children use a variety of strategies to solve problems.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-6: Children identify, manage, and express their feelings.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
 CD-3: Children demonstrate the ability to think about their own thinking: reasoning, taking perspectives,
and making decisions.
What teaching standards am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
Practice 9: When I model friendship skills in interactions with children and other adults…
What early learning and development standards am I addressing?
 ESD-4: Children form relationships and interact positively with other children.
 ESD-5: Children demonstrate the social and behavioral skills needed to successfully participate in
groups.
 ESD-6: Children identify, manage, and express their feelings.
 ESD-7: Children recognize and respond to the needs and feelings of others.
 CD-2: Children recall information and use it for new situations and problems.
What teaching standard am I demonstrating?
 Standard I: Teachers demonstrate leadership
 Standard II: Teachers establish a respectful environment for a diverse population of students
 Standard IV: Teachers facilitate learning for their students
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Attachment 5
Strategies to Support Children in Developing Friendships
Ways to teach children friendship skills include teaching the concept, modeling appropriate behavior,
providing practice opportunities with feedback, and supporting children’s use of the behavior in
context.
Modeling: Modeling can include adults or peers demonstrating the friendship skill or video based
modeling with short vignettes of children engaging in friendly behavior (Webster-Stratton &
Hammond, 1997). Often, it is effective to model both examples and non-examples followed by
opportunities for correct responding. There are four guiding principles of effective role-play modeling
strategies:
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Use invisible support, that is, call on the child who you are confident will model the skill
appropriately before calling on a child who will need more support.
Sometimes when children are modeling the friendship skill in front of their peers, they can get
carried away with being silly or inappropriate. It is important to give children another chance and
more support so that they are successful in demonstrating the skill appropriately. This approach
allows them to receive encouragement from the teacher and other children for doing the skill.
Because role-plays typically involve only one or two children at a time, it is necessary to plan
ways for the rest of the children to be actively engaged. Strategies for including children who are
not involved in the role play include having them give a thumbs up for friendly behavior and a
thumbs down for unfriendly behavior; patting themselves on the back if this is a behavior they
do; clapping when the role-play is over; saying “ready, set, action” before the role-play begins; or
having a Popsicle stick sign with a happy face on one side and a sad face on the other (children
show the happy face when the behavior being modeled is friendly and the sad face when the
behavior being modeled is unfriendly). It is also important to keep track of who has had a chance
to role-play and ensure that all of the children in the class get a turn during the week.
Whenever possible, using small groups to teach these skills will be useful in terms of giving all
children opportunities for practice.
Modeling with Video: The use of video to help model friendship skills can be very effective with
young children. Video-based modeling is particularly effective for several reasons:
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Videos can capture real-life examples of children using friendly behavior. These examples can be
used to generate discussion about the friendly behavior and the context in which it is used in the
video. Video vignettes can also display non-examples. These vignettes can be used to teach
children to discriminate between friendly and unfriendly behavior and prompt children to
develop and share alternative behaviors and solutions if initial ideas are not effective.
Video clips can be paused, and children can be prompted to attend to the salient features of the
friendly behaviors and the context in which they occur. Children can also make predictions about
“what will happen next” when the child featured in the video uses a friendly or unfriendly
behavior.
Children love watching videos, which makes this format particularly powerful in engaging and
keeping children’s attention.
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Modeling with Puppets: Similar to videos, puppets are very engaging to young children:
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Because adults are in control of the puppet, the puppet can always be a responsive play partner.
The puppet can model friendly play and, when appropriate and planned, can model nonexamples. Puppets in the image of children are particularly effective because they provide a
proximate model. That is, children are more likely to emulate the behavior of models that look
like themselves. But, any puppet will work!
Additionally, some children will disclose more about their feelings and friendship problems to
puppets than to adults, especially if adults are historically not seen as trustworthy by the child.
Preparing Peer Partners: When typical children are assisting their peers with special needs to acquire
friendship skills, it is necessary for them to learn to suspend social rules in order to not feel rejected.
In the usual course of events, interactions between typical children are usually quite reciprocal. If
someone asks nicely to play, they usually get a positive response. On the other hand, as some
children begin to acquire peer interaction skills, they often reject the social overtures of their peers
and they may not initiate play. Using role play and rehearsal strategies, there is a well-researched set
of procedures for teaching children to be persistent with their social behavior while their peers are
becoming more fluent. For example, adults model peer rejection, provide verbal feedback (“That’s
what might happen when you ask kids to play.”), and then provide a behavioral alternative that they
reinforce (“If that happens, try again”—“good, you tried again.”).
Buddy System: Often it is helpful to utilize a “buddy system” when trying to increase the friendship
skills of children. Right before a free-play period, children are assigned to a buddy role, meaning that
they begin free play in some planned play activity with a certain child. In utilizing a buddy system,
there are several rules to follow.
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It is important to always have two or more buddies for each child who needs them. This
arrangement helps to keep the play interesting for the socially competent children, and it helps
to create the conditions for maximizing the number of diverse play ideas.
It is also important to rotate buddies for several reasons: First, rotating buddies helps to ensure
that children have the opportunity to engage in friendship skills with the widest variety of
playmates. Second, rotating helps to avoid buddy burnout, a condition in which children come to
respond negatively to their helper role because they always play with the same individual.
One can optimize the buddy system by pairing the most popular and liked children with those
who need the most help. This type of pairing can lead to other children simultaneously helping
their peers because the “cool” kids are doing it.
At the end of a play period, children should receive specific feedback for being buddies and be
provided with feedback that specifically enumerates the friendship skills they used in interacting
with their assigned partner.
Priming: Teachers can increase the likelihood of children using friendship skills with specific priming
strategies. For example, prior to a free-play period, teachers can ask children who they are going to
play with; they can ask what specific toy or material they are going to share; and they can provide
practice opportunities. A practice opportunity might include, “Hey, Jaymin, let’s pretend I am Cody
and you are going to ask me to play trucks.” Jaymin would then practice asking, with or without adult
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
prompting, and the adult would provide encouragement or feedback for Jaymin’s social initiation to
play. Other play ideas include the following.
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
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Teachers can increase the duration of peer play by providing suggestions or prompting role
reversals.
Expanding play ideas can occur by suggesting new ways of playing with the materials, new ways
for dramatic play to unfold, and new ways of including more children in a game or activity.
When a teacher notices that children are disengaging from play with one another, he or she can
prompt the children to reverse dramatic play roles (“How about you be the mom now and she
can be the baby?”). This strategy can reengage children in the play sequence and lead to more
lengthy social encounters.
Direct Modeling: Another way to keep children engaged in friendly play is to directly model desired
behaviors as a play partner. When teachers notice that children are becoming less engaged, they can
join the play and provide specific models of friendly behavior. For example, a parent might join two
children who are playing together and begin to share the materials available.
Encouragement: Although it is important to acknowledge children for their use of friendship skills, it
is also the case that the effective use of acknowledgement requires ongoing attention to several key
factors:
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Timing of encouragement and feedback is crucial. As long as children are engaged in friendly
behavior, it is a good idea to withhold feedback. Although this approach may seem
counterintuitive, evidence suggests that adults’ delivery of attention to children at play can have
the immediate effect of terminating their play. Given this fact, it is advisable to comment on
children’s friendly play shortly after the fact.
When commenting on children’s friendly play, it is essential to describe the specific friendly
behavior(s) that you observed. Instead of saying, “You’re playing so nicely together,” say, “You
are taking turns and saying nice things to each other.” This descriptive commenting provides
children with specific feedback about what they are doing well.
For many children, caregivers may need to provide lots of encouragement early on. Once children
start to use their friendly behaviors, however, adults need to begin the process of slowly
removing their specific feedback from the ongoing play. The goal is not to remove all adult
feedback, but to provide sufficient opportunity for friendly play in and of itself to become
rewarding for the child.
Activities to Support the Development of Friendship Skills
It is very important to point out that all of these activities build on the skills needed to develop
friendships and allow children opportunities to practice using these skills. They don’t just use the
word “friend.” These types of activities also help in establishing a classroom atmosphere of “being
friends,” sharing and helping each other out.
Friendship Can: During large group time, have children generate a list of different things they can do
to be a “friend”. Introduce the Friendship Can – which is a decorated can with names of all of the
children in the can. Have each child draw out a name. Children can then use their friendship skills to
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
do something with or for their friend throughout the day. They can make something special for their
friend, play with their friend, share with their friend, compliment their friend, help their friend, etc.
During the day (as well as summarizing at the end of the day), children and teachers can talk about
how they are using their friendship skills with their friend.
Planting Seeds of Friendship: Have children plant seeds in small cups throughout the year. As new
children join the classroom, children can give them one of their “friendship cups” to welcome them
to the classroom. Each “friendship cup” has a welcome note that was made by the children (along
with their teacher!). To introduce this activity, tell the children that you are all going to work together
to make “seeds of friendship” so that new children will feel welcome and be able to make new
friends! Talk about how hard it can be to be the “new” child! Ask children what friendship skills they
can use to help new children feel welcome (play with new child, share toys, help new child learn the
rules, schedule, names of other children, etc.).
Friendship Tree/Compliment Tree: Make a big tree without leaves that can be displayed on a wall.
Have leaves made from construction paper stacked by the tree. As adults and children notice others
using friendship skills, write the skill that was used on a leaf and add it to the tree. At the end of the
day, “celebrate” the new leaves that were added to the tree. Describe the specific friendship skills
that were used each day. You can also use the same idea to make a compliment tree.
Books about Friendship: Use books that talk about “friends” and what it means to be friends. Some
examples are: Fox Makes Friends, The Rainbow Fish, Big Al, and Making Friends. Ask participants to
share books that they have used that relate to friends. Teachers can talk about what friendly
behaviors the characters are using and have children guess what they think will happen next based
on what the characters are doing. Teachers can also help children write a story together or
individually about friendship.
Friendship Quilt: Children make a quilt out of construction paper squares that hang together on the
wall. Each square has pictures of children in the classroom (labeled with their names) as well as
pictures of children using friendship skills like sharing, playing together, or helping each other (which
are also labeled). This is a good activity to use at the beginning of the year to help children learn
everyone’s name as well as friendship skills. Squares are added to the quilt as children use their new
friendship skills. This is a great idea for home providers if they have children of different ages. They
can make pictures that show what children can do to be a good friend based on their age and skills.
Friendship Journal: Create a friendship journal that has friendship skills and pictures of the children in
the classroom using these skills. This journal can be added to the book area for children to look at
throughout the year.
Music/Songs: Teachers and children can make up songs about being friends. There are also
commercial CDs that have songs about being friends.
Super Friend: Super friend awards are often used as a means to encourage children to use their
friendship skills. One of the advantages of this type of approach is that children start noticing when
they see other children using friendship skills and what skills they used! You will often hear them say,
“Oh look, we have a super friend! Maria just shared her favorite toy with Cameron”. It is very
important to make sure that all children have opportunities to be successful in using friendship skills
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
in order to get the opportunity to wear the super friend cape. Teacher must be careful not to focus
on the extrinsic reward but to help children intrinsically process why being a super friend it good.
References
Iowa State University Department of Human Development & Family Studies. (2013). Train-CoachTrain. Retrieved from https://iastate.app.box.com/s/9rg5sxh5mfh43da7e05k
Webster-Stratton, C. & Hammond, M. (1997). Treating children with early-onset conduct problems: A
comparison of child and parent training interventions. Journal of Consulting and Clinical
Psychology, 65(1), 93-109. Doi: 10.1037/0022-006X.65.1.93
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Attachment 6
Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines
Directions: Identify one friendship skill you would like to target in your classroom. List strategies you can use
throughout the day to intentionally teach the friendship skill you identified.
Target Friendship Skill (Circle One): Organizing Play
Taking Turns
Activity
Sharing
Giving Compliments
Being a Team Player
Giving Apologies
Skill Practice
Arrival
Opening Circle
Time
Center Time
Meals
Small Group
Large Motor/
Outside
Closing Circle
Time
Transitions
Dismissal
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Module 11: Developing Friendships
Post-learning Activities: Extension into the Classroom
Instructions
[Trainer note -- the following activities may be used in Professional Learning Communities (PLCs) or
other follow-up sessions with participants.]
1.
Refer back to the handout titled Embedding Skill Practice into Daily Routines you started
working on at the end of the Developing Friendships face-to-face session.
2.
Review the notes you took on the handout regarding activities to target the development of
friendships in your classroom.
3.
Share this plan with other teaching staff in your classroom and decide how and when you will
implement the activities in your classroom.
4.
Be prepared to share and discuss the results of this plan with your colleagues.
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