“We Can Work It Out”
Song of Songs
Can We Really? HOW?
GREEN--LOW RISK
Things going well. Doing the right things. Lovin’ feeling
in tact. Any conflict is quickly averted or resolved.
BLUE--GENERAL RISK
Had some scuffles, irritation growing, conflicts turn into
arguments, concerned but not too worried. Read a
marriage book together and work on relationships.
Maybe attend a marriage retreat.
YELLOW—SIGNIFICANT RISK
After repeated attempts to resolve an issue,
distance growing, resentment grows, fight at the
drop of a hat. Are trying to get into counseling.
ORANGE--HIGH
Significant fights. Yelling, screaming, cussing-maybe even physical abuse. No sex, fun, or
friendship, pondering divorce. Tried multiple
counselors and none have worked so stopped.
RED—SEVERE RISK
You’ve given up-Planning to meet with a
divorce attorney or have already filed the
papers already. Separated. Can’t wait to
get out.
Questions to Answer
What is a proper attitude towards conflict?
How should we handle conflict?
How can we build strong marriages?
How can we rebuild a broken marriage?
My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
Song of Songs 2:14 NIV
Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.
Song of Songs 2:15 NIV
What are the Foxes?
Small problems that if not dealt with
can add up and grow and become
big problems.
“What if God designed marriage
to make us holy more than to
make us happy?”
Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage
Why Conflict?
• Helps us become more dependent on God
• Teaches us how to become more mature—
more like Jesus
• Deepens your love for your partner
You were taught, with regard to your former
way of life, to put off your old self, which is
being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be
made new in the attitude of your minds; and
to put on the new self, created to be like God
in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
REGENERATION
• Do it God’s way
• Do it Through God’s Power
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood
and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we
are all members of one body.
Ephesians 4:25 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
RENOVATION
• Truthfulness to your partner
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun
go down while you are still angry, and do not
give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
RENOVATION
• Truthfulness to your partner
• Controlling your anger
Anyone who has been stealing must steal no
longer, but must work, doing something
useful with their own hands, that they may
have something to share with those in need.
Ephesians 4:28 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
RENOVATION
• Truthfulness to your partner
• Controlling your anger
• A giving attitude
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs, that it may
benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the
Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:29-30 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
RENOVATION
•
•
•
•
Truthfulness to your partner
Controlling your anger
A giving attitude
A blessing tongue
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling
and slander, along with every form of malice. Be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV
How to deal with Conflict
RECONCILATION
• LOVING CONFRONTATION
• ACTIVE LISTENING
• CONFESSION
• FORGIVENESS
INTERVENTION
• Try to work it out yourself
• Take someone with you
• Take a church leader to help you
WHO DO YOU CALL??
counseling@lifechurchsouthfield.org
TAKE AWAYS
Make a commitment or renew your
commitment to do it God’s way in
God’s power.
TAKE AWAYS
Become active in the ways our church can help
–Join the lifechurch marriage group
–Men…Come to the 33 Series on Marriage
next Saturday
–Contact our counseling ministry
counseling@lifechurchsouthfield.org