Cybersex
For virtual cocktail hour
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
17 Parker Terrace Extension
Glastonbury, CT 06033
860-633-9862
Statistics on Cybersex (Cooper et
al 1999-2000)
• 9-15 million people access internet daily
• Sex is the most frequently searched topic
• Studies show that 70% of most e-porn traffic is hit
weekdays, between the hours of 9 and 5.
• 38% admit to explicit sex talk with someone online.
• 31% admit to having a sexual relationship with
someone they met online.
• 38% admit to masturbating while online.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Statistics
• Recent studies suggest that approximately 200,000
people already suffer from this disorder, but warn
that this may be an underestimate.
• 65% of all cases of cybersex abuse happen to
people with no prior history.
• Cybersex compulsives reported spending an
average of 35-40 hours per week online, with an
average of 15-25 hours pursuing online sexual
material.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Statistics
• Regardless of degree of sexual compulsivity, 6% of
employees use their work computer for sexual
purposes for about 1 to 10 hours per week.
• 20,000,000+ visitors monthly on the top 5 pay porn
websites.
• 100,000+ websites dedicated to selling sex and 200
sex-related websites added each day.
• Sex on the internet constitutes the third largest
economic sector on the web generating 1 billion
dollars annually.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Opportunities for Certain
Populations
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Women
Singles
Gay/lesbian
Individuals with physical and emotional
disabilities and physical illnesses
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
The Triple A Engine
• Three components combine to turbocharge on-line sexual interactions
• 1. Access
• 2. Affordability
• 3. Anonymity
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Different than normal courtship
• Flirtations and innuendo, staples of leisurely
seduction rapidly escalate.
• Frank sexual discussions and proposals on
the internet.
• This shift evokes intense reactions.
• The speed, magnitude and endless
possibilities are without precedent.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Addiction (Carnes)
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A pattern of out-of-control behavior
Severe consequences of sexual behavior
Inability to stop despite severe consequences
Persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high risk behavior
Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy
Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current
level of activity is no longer sufficient
Severe mood changes around sexual activity
Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual or
recovering from sexual experience
Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities
because of sexual behavior
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Feelings
Tend to have difficulty tolerating
own feelings and reactions
Irritability, anxiety, stress and
depression intolerable
emotional experiences for
addicts
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Chemical changes
• Chemicals and intensity based behaviors, (sexual
acting out, gambling or other risk taking behaviors)
provide the means to tolerate and get through the
challenges of emotional discomfort
• Like certain psychoactive chemicals, such as
cocaine or heroine, certain behaviors cause specific
chemical changes in the brain that are intense,
euphoric, powerful and arousing
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Chemistry cont.
• Consequently, the person becomes
addicted to the way this particular behavior
(cybersex, shopping etc) can influence
their own neurochemistry.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Self Produced Chemicals
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Adrenaline
Serotonin
Dopamine
Endorphins
• These create a distracting and intense
drug like state for behavior addicts
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Maintenance of Euphoric State
• The cybersex addict maintains the euphoric state by
the ongoing chatting, searching and downloading of
images.
• This continues for hours
• The distraction keeps them away from other
priorities, relationships and responsibilities
• Often ends with orgasm
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
A Drug Addiction
• people addicted to sex, gambling and
compulsive spending are drug addicted.
They have just found a way to induce the
chemical release within their own system
rather than introducing an external
substance. They are addicted to the
mood/mind altering experiences.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Consequences
• Self-statements/promises
• Time increases
• Goal of all the looking, cruising, contacting
and downloading often not orgasm…game
over/trance ended and reality sets in
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Resulting Feelings
Remorse
Guilt
Self-loathing
Depression
The
only way to feel better is to begin the
cycle all over again
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Paraphilic and Nonparaphilic
• Compulsive Sexual Behaviors (CSB) can be
nonparaphilic or paraphilic
• Nonparaphilic- conventional and normative sexual
behavior taken to a compulsive extreme
• Paraphilic- sexual arousal to atypical stimuli (a fetish
is a type of paraphilia
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Defenses used by cybersex addicts
• Minimization – “What’s the big deal? So many of my
friends are into it, it’s harmless, I can’t catch any
diseases.”
• Justification – “It’s what single people do.”
• Entitlement – “I work hard, give to everyone else, I
deserve it. It’s my only reward.”
• Rationalization – “I’m not having an affair like a lot of
people I know. No one really gets hurt.”
• Blame – “My partner is not interested in sex. If he or
she was I wouldn’t need it so much.”
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Preference for masturbation
• I can start when I want, come when I like
and stop when I want. I don’t have to
bother with foreplay, romantic lighting etc.
I don’t have to guess what she might like,
discuss it afterward and I can go to sleep
when I feel like it!
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Consequences
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Emotional
Self care
Relationships, Intimacy and Sexuality
Family life
Career
Finances
Legal
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Challenges to therapists
• Few grad programs provide much training
• Need to know yourself and your comfort zones with
sexuality and vocabulary
• Awareness that sexuality is a function of multiple
influences (social, cultural, biology, religious,
psychological)
• Avoid assumptions…don’t over pathologize
• Give self permission to have likes/dislikes
• Personal history of sexual abuse or other
sexual/relationship issues (transference and
countertransference
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Sexual Disorder NOS 302.9
• Marked feelings of inadequacy concerning sexual
performance or other traits related to self-imposed
standards of masculinity or femininity
• Distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships
involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by
the individual only as things to be used
• Persistent and marked distress about sexual orientation
• Not due to other medical condition, substance abuse or
another axis I or II disorder (consider norms of gender,
sexual orientation and sociocultural groups)
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Assessment
• Full psychological evaluation
• Sexual history
• Good lead in statement
• Don’t overwhelm patient in first session with
sexual questions
• Ask about masturbatory habits
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Screening for other CSB
• Do you chat on the internet in romantic or sexual
ways
• Have you engaged in any kind of cybersex or sex
via the internet
• Have you had any anonymous partners or one night
stands
• Have you ever used the telephone for sex related
purposes
• Have you ever paid anyone to have sex? (types of
prostitutes: male, female)
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Screening for other CSB
• How many times have you been to strip clubs
• How much money have you spent there
• Ask about other sexual behaviors including voyeurism,
cross-dressing, frotteurism, bisexuality
• Are there certain times of day or events that trigger these
behaviors
• Look for patterns the client may not have noticed
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Sex Offending and CSB
• Some but not all sex offenders have CSB
• But most cybersex addicts do not progress
to sex offending
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Treatment
• Based on Relapse prevention model
• This assumes relapse will occur
• Internal controls
• External controls
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Religious, Moral and Ethical conflicts
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Monitor your own competence
Monitor your comfort level
Monitor your biases, values, morals and religious beliefs
Do you have a bias in the relationship
How do you handle secrets
Be careful about confidentiality
Know your boundaries
Point out any dilemmas to client before during and after conflicts
arise
• Problem solve with the client.
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Key warning signs
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Minimizing the return to problematic situations
Lying to self or others
Skipping or devaluing feedback from others
Over confidence
Isolation
Blaming others
Feeling victimized
Ignoring previously agreed upon ground rules
Feeling entitled
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D
Summary
• Recognize the impact of behaviors on the partner
and family
• Break through the denial that a problem exists
• Stop the behaviors and associated lying
• Stop blaming the partner
• Learn problem solving techniques
• Develop strategies for dealing with sexual urges
• Defining and developing sexual health
• Understanding and building intimacy and trust
• Repairing the damage
Elaine Ducharme Ph.D