Series: Good Sex
Lesson: Boundaries (BOYS)
Small Group #1
How would you feel if you were getting married to a girl who had all those sexual partners?
How would you feel if you had many sexual partners and brought those experiences to your wedding?
Small Group #2
Here are some clues from the Bible that help us live so that we are not controlled by our lust.
1. Don’t give it a chance.
Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus: Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any
kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people (Ephesians 5:3). In other
words, when lust starts knocking on your door, don’t open it.
What do you think Paul means when he says “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of
any kind of impurity?” (Try not to let your mind and body even get close to anything sexual before you get
married. It could mean not staying at his girlfriend’s house until 3 in the morning in the bedroom with not lights
on and both on the bed – just “talking”.)
What can you do to keep yourself from even a hint? (have someone keep you accountable, fill your mind
with God’s word, don’t put yourself in places where hints might tempt you, etc.)
If you notice a hot girl running alongside the road in a top that’s barely there, don’t look. If you’ve already seen
her, don’t take a second glance. It’s the second look that will get you. If you’re flipping channels and run across
a movie that you know has an explicit sex scene, don’t sit there and justify watching the movie because you
want to know the story. Make the choice to be victorious over lust and change the channel or turn off the TV—
that is a sign of strength.
2. Go to extreme measures.
Jesus says: “Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what
you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to
live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile” (Matthew 5:29 MSG).
Jesus is serious when it comes to living a pure life. Jesus is using an extreme example to make an extreme
point—that lust will consume your life. It’s better for you not to have an eye or a hand then for you to continue
down that lustful path.
What is your biggest struggle when it comes to girls, sexuality? (see if there is one answer that is similar
among the group – let Bob know later what that might be – write it down).
Have you thought of any boundaries that you should set for yourself? If so what are they? (let students
share some of the boundaries that they have set. Most probably don’t have any boundaries – that is ok – go to
the next question)
As a group – what are some boundaries that could be healthy when you start dating girls? (let students
share but guide the discussion so that good advice is given – try to draw it out of the boys)
Small Group #3
Why is there a need for sexual boundaries in your life? Let teens respond. Listen to them. This question
may show you the lack of boundaries they have. Ultimately godly, sexual boundaries help preserve the gift.
Do you think the sexual boundaries you have for yourself, are consistent with God’s boundaries for sex?
Let teens explain why or why not. It’s one thing to have sexual boundaries – but if they don’t line up with what
God wants for your life – you need to change your boundaries.
As a teen, what boundaries below (on sheet in front of them/on screen) do you think honors God?
1) No touching of the person you’re dating/interested in
2) Having pure thoughts
3) Showing affection through non-physical ways
4) Hugs
5) Holding hands
6) Kissing
7) French Kisses
8 ) Oral sex
9) Sexual intercourse
10) Sex with someone you really love
11) Multiple sexual partners (as long as it’s not at the same time)
12) Anything should go sexually
Read I Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body,
but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your body.
What action and command is given to help protect Good Sex? Flee, Run, Get Away, Fight- to get away
from sexual sin. Why? You are bought at a price. Jesus paid for your sin and saved you so that you can honor
Him! We can honor Him, by not giving our bodies away sexually, unless in the bounds of marriage.
(1:20 GIRLS)
Series: Good Sex
Lesson: Boundaries
Resource: Good Sex by Jim Hancock and Kara Powell
Our 1:20 girls small group time will take place, once the Jam girls have left for their
small group time. High School girls will be staying in room 317 at tables. Please sit
near your group. We will continue our Q&A discussion with High School related
questions and then break for table discussions.
Read Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of
impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Godʼs holy people.
Table Questions
1:20 Girl Small Group Time
1) What do you think that “not even a hint” means? Let teens respond. For instance
it could mean a girl watches how modestly she dresses. For a guy it could mean not
staying at his girlfriends house until 3 in the morning.
2) Why do you think sexual sin is improper for Godʼs people? God doesnʼt want our
sexual lives to look exactly like what our culture says is okay. Just because something
is “normal” in our society doesnʼt mean that itʼs godly. God wants our lives, even our
sexual lives to be in alignment with his best for our lives. This ultimately brings him
glory!
Read Hebrews 13:3-5 (NIV)
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge
the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
*Leaders please note we will be addressing forgiveness God offers for sexual sin during
our Q&A time.
3) How can marriage be honored by all? Let teens respond. It could be anywhere
from not watching sex scenes in movies to not flirting with married people and a lot in
between.
4) What does keeping the marriage bed pure mean? This verse is saying is that
when we restrain from engaging in sexual activities, before marriage, we are keeping
our future marriage bed pure. Once we are married, God does desire for couples to
really enjoy one another sexually. However, there is still sexual boundaries within
marriage, like God does not want adultery to happen.
5) Can any of you share what your sexual boundaries are? (i.e. Only holding hands,
only dating Christians, everything is okay accept technical virginity.)
Re-Read Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of
impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Godʼs holy people.
6) Do you think the sexual boundaries you have for yourself, are consistent with
Godʼs boundaries for sex? Let teens explain why or why not.
7) If youʼre in a relationship with someone who wants you to cross sexual
boundaries what is that costing you? Is it worth it? Itʼs costing you emotional,
physical and spiritual intimacy that is being stolen from you and your future spouse.
Discuss Scenarioʼs at table: Have them try to answer Biblically.
Scenario 1: Iʼm not exactly pure as snow. Iʼve done everything else. At this point
virginity is just a technicality. I mean what difference does it make?
Scenario 2: Iʼm kind of new to this whole discussion. I already did it with the people I
went out with before I was a Christian. Itʼs not like I can take that back...even if I wanted
to. Anyway, Iʼm willing to listen to reason. What difference does it make?
Scenario 3: Not that itʼs anyoneʼs business, but weʼve been doing it almost as long as
weʼve been dating. Itʼs too late to turn back. What difference does it make?
Scenario 4: Honestly? Iʼm afraid Jesus will come back before I have sex, and I donʼt
want to miss out. Besides, I know God will forgive me- He has too, heʼs God, right?
What difference does it make?
JAM GIRLS
Series: Good Sex
Lesson: Boundaries
Resource: Good Sex by Jim Hancock and Kara Powell
Good Sex: Letʼs review from last week.
Read Proverbs 5:18-19
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving
doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated
by her love.
Leaders Read: Remember that Godʼs design for sex is GOOD!!!! His original design
was for us to have a safe, committed relationship within marriage. In this environment
He desires us to express the deepest form of intimacy and passion. So this week weʼre
going to talk about how to guard that!
Read Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of
impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Godʼs holy people.
What instruction is given to us to protect Good Sex? For there not to be even a hint
of sexual immorality.
What do you think that “not even a hint” means? Let teens respond. For instance it
could mean a girl watches how modestly she dresses. For a guy it could mean not
staying at his girlfriends house until 3 in the morning.
Why is there a need for sexual boundaries in your life? Let teens respond. Listen to
them. This question may show you the lack of boundaries they have. Ultimately godly,
sexual boundaries help preserve the gift. For instance, on Christmas day if youʼve
already opened your gift and played with it, itʼs not as exciting and fulling on Christmas
day.
Can any of you share what your sexual boundaries are? (i.e. Only holding hands,
only dating Christians, everything is okay accept technical virginity.)
Re-Read Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of
impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Godʼs holy people.
Do you think the sexual boundaries you have for yourself, are consistent with
Godʼs boundaries for sex? Let teens explain why or why not.
What would it be like to be in a relationship with someone who encourages you to
maintain healthy sexual boundaries? Freedom! Freedom to explore who each other
is emotionally and interest wise.
How might you talk with your friends or guys, about what your standards are? Itʼs
important to talk about what youʼre sexual boundaries are going to be, BEFORE you
may be in a situation where you may be tempted to go further sexually. Be proactive. If
you are dating someone, it would be wise to have that conversation early in youʼre
relationship.
Now read these scenarioʼs and try to answer the questions biblically. (Choose two
scenario that you think your teens might relate too and discuss)
Scenario 1: Iʼm not exactly pure as snow. Iʼve done everything else. At this point
virginity is just a technicality. I mean what difference does it make?
Scenario 2: Honestly? Iʼm afraid Jesus will come back before I have sex, and I donʼt
want to miss out. Besides, I know God will forgive me- He has too, heʼs God, right?
What difference does it make.
Close in Prayer: Asking God to help us to make godly, sexual boundaries to safeguard
Godʼs design for Good Sex within marriage!