The K-virus
By: Jaylen Link, Bondurant Middle School, Franklin Co, 8 th grade
My heart was beating at a thousand KPH, Metrix stuff you wouldn’t
understand. My palms were sweaty like M&M, I almost lost grasp of my
boomerang. I was surrounded by the world’s finest soldiers, “Rusty” an old short
man with a magnificent beard, he was from Greece, “Fat Man” he was from
Hungary and, “Jaxon Flaxon Waxon” well I don’t know where he was from. As I
admired the sea breeze an abrupt shake from the amphibious koala made “Rusty”
puke (for he suffered sea sickness), but he didn’t care for his ambitions were to
tell those wiper snappers a lesson about how Triremes where better than this
mad contraption, everyone laughed at what he said and so “Fat Man” said”Ha ha,
old man you and your foolish boats back in Hungary we used…Nothing for
Hungary’s a land locked nation. *sigh*” back and forth competition about whose
country is better. Finally, the boat embarked, our sergeant with his janky teeth, it
looked as if he was directing traffic with those bad boys (Probably he’s English).
Nether the less we had a mission and that mission was to save Australia so we
jolted out, but “rusty” fell from his back giving out, and “fat man” collapsed from
exhaustion, and “Jaxon Flaxon Waxon” well I don’t know where he went. Anyway
it was only me, I watched as the pouch boxes fired upon me and then suddenly
everything went black.
Thirty days earlier, the first day started as any other normal day, but what
was different was that people were talking about the end of the world. But, one
person I specifically remember, He was an old Canadian man who was very hairy,
he wore robes and a Hershey’s kisses on top of his head, he was talking about all
kinds of mumbo jumbo such as “End of the world is upon us for the maple syrup
gods are unpleased. For you foolish Australians have not imported enough maple
syrup, so they have conjured a virus… The What … Oh yes, the K-virus that gives
kangaroos the same brain functions of a human or even better.” The crowd spoke
“how can we stop this virus?” he replied “The gods pity you, but it may only be
reversed by amusement. In other words a fight to the death.” The crowd then
started uproar. Alas, I didn’t care I just wanted some outback. After that delicious
outback there happened to be a kangaroo parade.
The parade celebrated kangaroo day (Ironic and unpredictable) the
deranged ignorant mob saw the kangaroos, but they were actually people.
Boomerang’s flying, “This is madness!” said the kangaroos “NO. THIS. IS.
AUSTRALIA!” said the peasant and the peasant threw a boomerang at the
kangaroo and he fell down the random endless hole. It was far too chaotic so I
fled the scene and hoped for a better tomorrow.
Day two, the prophet was right the invasion is coming! With their K-pop
music, everyone loved it oddly enough, but I didn’t for I live in a cave. But, what
was odd was that everyone was mindlessly hopping around and drop kicking
people for no reason.
Day three, as me and my pet koala were enjoying our Boomana, we noticed
that there’s nothing interesting at this part of the story. So, we skipped a few
days.
Day twenty-seven, was the oddest of all days. When I went to my favorite
game at the arcade, hop hop Revolution, when I was playing there was gusts of
wind flying by me and the sound of things slamming, but I imagined that the
crowd was cheering me on with their recklessness. As I finished I found a pence,
or whatever Australian currency is. Anyway as I did that a sudden thud accrued
And someone was lying in front of me so at the kindness of my heart I assisted the
man and as I was doing of such a man taped me upon the shoulder and I was
curious like a little monkey anyway as I looked up I said “HI” He didn’t say
anything back, so squatted back down to my friend but, oddly enough he tried to
get up himself and as he was he got round housed kicked and I was so disgusted
and ire that my gia levels were over 9000 and so I falcon punched him into a
million pence “well that was fun, skadoodles” said I, then I skipped back home.
Day twenty-eight, this morning I made me and my pet koala some
pancakes, but alas I needed some maple syrup. So, I ventured forth to the brand
new maple syrup trading post. But, no one was there and it looked as if it was
raided, but I continued my searching of the dearest maple syrup. As I was
searching I noticed a bottle of maple syrup, but suddenly a Canadian logger pulled
me in, as I do recall his name was Paul bunion with his black bushy beard and his
flannel shirt, he said “what are you doing here, eh?” I replied “trying to find a
topping for my pancakes” “my George the last man who came here for maple
syrup got his hands stuck in the syrup and…” said Paul but interrupted with “they
had to cut his hand off, but then…” said I “No, are you mad, we aided him by
rinsing it with water, but it was really messy.” said Paul, as he coincidentally
finished his sentences something so unexpected you won’t guess what will
accrue, my pet koala picked up that jar of maple syrup and then, I bet you won’t
guess, cue the zombie clique, as he picked up the jar, the syrup siren went off and
a horde of kangaroos came out of nowhere, given the trading post is in the
boonies I’d say it doesn’t make much sense. After all of that judging I noticed that
tons of Canadian men in hokey gear popped out of the booths with their sticks
and pucks and charged into battle. I didn’t join for I didn’t feel like it. So I got
some popcorn and a soda, but Jaylen how did he get that popcorn and soda? Well
it’s because I’m the writer of the story, that’s why. Anyway, as the battle finished
there was one man standing, nope, not anymore, so I ran over to him and Paul
said “Theirs a fort 5 miles from here, you’ll be safe there… It’s dangerous to go
alone take
this…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..”  after that
long silence I realized that he was dead and I remembered that the only way to
resurrect a Canadian is with maple syrup, so I did what was right I got the maple
syrup for my pancakes and skipped back home.
After I ate those pancakes I went to the fort to find safety. When we started
our journey we bumped into a three feet river, but our wagon sunk (really three
feet). After that we stayed the night and someone stole five oxen now how do
you steal five oxen. But, the koala got dysentery. Finally, reached organ I mean
fort what’s yo face(I’m sorry that for that reference) once we entered the front
gates they checked for any signs of the k-virus, you know needs for hopping,
random noises, and drop kicking people. Me and my koala we’re approved. Once
you get in the fort there’s a weird game for new comers, a man in a military
uniform tagged me and said “You’re it. No tag backs” and the he took all of his
clothes off and gave it to me as fast as he could, then he ran off. After that
moment I was directed to my bunk, but I couldn’t find my koala they must have
taken him when the flasher came to me.
Day twenty-nine, the soldiers where having a meeting deciding their
actions for reconquering Sydney. General “Napoleon” (I bet you know what he
looks like) was saying “We could koala bomb them” captain “yella fella” (Is a
Simpson) said “how about we ask for their demands so, we may obtain peace”
everyone said “That’s stupid, you’re stupid” Sargent “Traffic tooth” said “do you
even find that interesting…no, well this is short story so it needs to actually be
interesting. So, we have to make a stupid plan like embarking on a heavily
fortified shore and have practically everyone killed on the rush!” “Napoleon” said
with excitement “hey that’s a great plan, let’s give it a go.”
Day thirty, nothing of great interest arisen beside the soldiers being
exported, a doctor who reference that I didn’t want to go through with, but the
most radiant of all is the spotting of the most beautiful kangaroo her name is
Shanna I knew it was love at first sight, we could do many things such as play hop
hop revolution together or eat at the outback, but I would have to meet her
parents and I would like to hop over those details.
Day thirty-one, the day has come, k-day the Reconquista of Sydney. As I
finally got on I felt as if something was watching over me. Once I boarded the
koala I heard the constant reminder of “I’ll watch your back” so I thought to
myself why would people watch each other’s backs, are they wanting to wash
their backs during the course of battle *sigh*. You know the other parts already
with “Rusty”, “Fat Man”, “Jaxen Flaxen Waxen” and the landing so I don’t need to
tell you everything, resuming… everything went black. Once I woke up the battle
was still raging on boomerangs and pouches were everywhere so I ran into a
costume store and luckily it was filled with kangaroo costumes. But, suddenly a
strange ghost like figure appeared so I said “Ben!?!?” “No, Paul Bunion.” he
replied “Anyway, go to the Sydney opera house there you shall find what you’re
looking for, and by the way why didn’t you give me that maple syrup, that’s not
cool bro.” then he vanished, after that I did as he pleased, but the question I was
pondering was what was the thing I was looking for? As I was heading to the
opera house I bumped into two kangaroos and I was fool proof with my
interactions “salutations comrades” said I “can you believe this guy, that’s the
fakest costume, you know let’s just let him by just to get a good laugh” kanganse
translated “Yep I’m a kangaroo” said I “Score they didn’t notice me stupid
kangaroos.”
When I came to the opera house I tried to get in but stopped with this
sentence “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Without admission.” So I replied “how much”
“two boomerangs” so I once more replied “two boomerangs!?!? *sigh* Fine.” So I
gave the old kangaroo the boomerangs. As I was about to enter my outback
senses were tingling so I examined the area and there it was the Outback, so I had
to make another big decision whether to go to outback or the Sydney opera
house… Many life’s depend on this decision so I picked the……………………… Opera
house.
Once I entered I immediately noticed that the kangaroos were playing
hoppy feet at first you say “Ah that’s a silly name.” But once you further digress it
makes you think about human civilization and its impact upon the world. Not
really it takes forever until it actually gets to its and its title doesn’t really match
with its meaning. Wait a minute it sounds very familiar. Anyway after the play was
ending I was surveying the area and to my surprise I saw a kangaroo with sun
glasses and a red coat so I thought to myself “wait just another minute is that
kangaroo Jack, he has to be what Paul Bunion was talking about.” So I examined
his observatory station and the number (8TH) .Here we go, as I was continuing a
sudden THUD accrued and everything went black once more (come on stop being
such a cliché)… As I woke up and came back to my senses and examined the room
then I saw kangaroo Jack so I said “Kangaroo Jack! I love your movies will you sign
my… uh… face?” so he replied “Oh I’ll defiantly sign your face with my feet.”
“Wait with your feet that’s unhygienic but whatever a kangaroos got to do”
replied I, “Pow right in the kisser” as he kicked or “signed his face” I said “OW!
That hurt” said I “anyway what’s your angle Jack” so he replied “My plan was to
hire mad men about the disapproval of the maple syrup gods so it would cause
disorder and riots and to get away with your desperate actions you would watch
our K-pop and then all of Australia would become all mine and soon the world
and no one would expect me to be behind this all.” This won’t end well for you”
said I “you don’t know me. Anyway I shall end you. *throws boomerang plus
members* as I dogged the boomerangs I said “Ha fooled you. OW OW OW!” I
exclaimed. As I was taking the barrage of boomerangs I recollected my memory
about the hockey stick, so I beat the crap of the guards and next was Jack, but
Jack was a formidable enemy even more so robust than I. Swing, block, swing,
block over and over again until my guard was down so he kicked me away and the
hockey stick slipped losing my grasp, so he picked it up and swung, but his
attempts were useless for I dodged it, but he slashed me so once more I was ire
so my gia levels were over 9000 and so I tadnokend him “Tadnoken” suddenly a
voice from the sky said finish him so I lined it up, but then I pulled my hammy so I
had to stretch it out, then I once more lined it up and then “Jaxon Flaxon Waxon”
tackled me and said “Don’t kill him.” so I said “Why?” “For he may cure them all.”
he replied “Ok” so as we progressed to the shore line a sudden zip came by, it was
a sniper kangaroo and then I saw Jaxon injured and Jack tied up and I couldn’t get
both for if I did Jack would easily over power me. The world depended on Jack
while Jaxon well I don’t know who he is exactly. Finally I decided Jack was far
more important… Jack so I ran away to the ship and left, but suddenly I saw Jack
get up so I… Just kidding this isn’t a Disney movie so we left with Jack, but without
those brave soldiers. As a conclusion it was a sad day.
Two years later, we finally defeated the Kangaroo resistance and kangaroo
Jack wasn’t proven guilty for everyone loved him even with such a horrid event
but, kangaroo Jack made another movie to cure everyone for they loved him.
With the curing and all I was finally reunited with Shanana and we went on a date
at outback and played hop hop revolution, but she doesn’t like that game so I
dumped her immediately (still a better love story than ‘Twilight’) and…
“Wake up Jacob!” said William “Where are we” said I “Don’t you
remember, were in the outback of course, your favorite. You just had a steak
comma.” Said William “I just had the weirdest dream, it was about kangaroos,
koalas, and tons of stereotypical things.” Said I “Ha ha that sounds stupid… I like
it, maybe you should put it in the form of a short story” said William “Maybe I
should.”