Student Example #2

A Drop of Poetry
A Drop of Poetry
White Humanities
March 15, 2010
Poem Topics
EQ 1
EQ 2
EQ 3
EQ 4
Felony is avoided, thus avoiding hell
Events are held daily to honor saints and Christianity
Attend mass often
Resignedly comply to orders
Feign agreement to avoid punishment
Unadulterated loyalty
Ludicrous ideas not put forward
EQ1 Acrostic
The rules of an acrostic is that you take one word and write it vertically,
and that word becomes your topic. The lines consisting of words or
phrases that you write describe the topic. Each line has to start with the
corresponding letter of the topic.
Through this poem, I wanted to give the reader a feeling of complexity,
so I decided to use words that aren’t used as often in everyday language.
For example, I used the word “felony” instead of crime because felony is
the technical term whereas crime is a word that someone would use in a
casual conversation. I also used the word “resignedly” because not very
often do you hear that word being said. I’ve only came across the word
resignedly a couple of times. “Unadulterated” is also a fairly complex
word that really helps to show the meaning that I wanted to express. The
word “unadulterated” just rolls on your tongue in a way that seems
confusing and hard to pronounce.
I used an acrostic to write about how fear affects people’s answers
because I think that when someone is in fear, they don’t have the time or
the care to create sentences with conjunctions that help to make their
ideas flow. That’s the same with and acrostic. There aren’t any
conjunctions in an acrostic, it’s just choppy words or phrases that
describe the topic.
Perfect, STUDENT. You nailed the EQ answer and the Middle Ages
connection. Well done.
Bound to the land,
Giving crops to those who demand,
Just living by the system.
A manor he is the owner,
When war comes he’s a goner,
Just living by the system.
Dressing in fancy garments,
Guiding the king through every moment,
Just living by the system.
Possesses all power,
Nobles he shall empower,
Just living by the system.
EQ2 Ballad
The first rule for writing a ballad is that it has to tell a story. All the
stanzas in a ballad are quatrains with a predictable rhyme scheme. The
rhyme scheme can vary amongst stanza to stanza, but the variation still
has to be a pattern. Lastly, ballads have a part of it that repeats over and
over again.
I chose to make the line “Just living by the system” repeat because that
was what people in the Middle Ages did. Nobody really questioned things,
they lived simply to what was expected of their class. Anyone who
questioned “Why?” were laughed at and probably scolded or hit for being
so stubborn. I chose the word “empower” in the line “Nobles he shall
empower”, because the king has the power to instill power in others, the
definition of empowerment. Plus, having the word “power” show up again
in the word empower really helps to emphasize to the great amount of
power the king possessed.
Through this poem, I wanted to let the reader know what social roles did
people play in life in the Middle Ages. The style of how a ballad consists of
quatrains is a good format for explaining the social roles of each social
class. Each social class’s roles can be summarized in every quatrain,
leaving the reader with a very clear idea of what the role of each social
class was.
I like the setup. It’s a smart way to cover everything. I think the word
choice could have been better. Your rhymes are too easy and not that
close of rhymes either.
The Church’s Impact
Cloths depicting Holy scenes
Hanukkah practitioners are shunned as devils
Uptight rules to avoid sinning
Reaching for God in times of trouble
Courtesy consists of saying grace
Happiness deprived during Lent
EQ3 Free Choice
The rules of an acrostic is that you take one word and write it vertically,
and that word becomes your topic. The lines consisting of words or
phrases that you write describe the topic. Each line has to start with the
corresponding letter of the topic.
Through this poem, I wanted the reader to have the feeling that they
were just stepping into the shoes of a Christian, so I decided to use words
wit meanings related to Christianity. For example, the word “Holy” is used
because God is often described as the Holy God, thus connecting the word
“Holy” with Christianity. I also used the word “grace” because almost all
Christians take a moment to say grace before a meal and thank God for
giving them food. I also referred to the Christian holiday Lent, which is
very bluntly connected with Christianity.
I used an acrostic to write about how a religious group impacts a society
because the way you can answer this poem is in a list of examples, which
is exactly what you can do with an acrostic poem. While writing this
poem, I used many examples shown in the book Catherine, Called Birdy
because in that book, the characters were quiet willing to let their religion
run their lives.
You have told me what people did. How did what they did affect and set
the path for life in the Middle Ages?
Fight for Power
There once was a young, brave knight,
Who yearned and lusted for a fight.
He went here and there,
And fought on his mare,
Thus gave everyone a big fright.
The men saw him as a great threat,
So punched and battled up a sweat.
As people picked sides,
Society died,
Left them in a state of regret.
EQ4 Limerick
The very first rule for a limerick is that it has to tell a story, and it’s often
funny. The first, second, and fifth lines in a limerick have to rhyme with
each other, and the third and fourth lines have to rhyme with each other.
As tempting as it is, you cannot make internal rhymes in a limerick. One
of the most important rules of a limerick is that it has to follow the correct
rhythm. Lines one, two, and five have to follow the stress pattern da-DAda-da-DA-da-da-DA. Lines three and four have to follow the stress
pattern da-Da-da-da-DA. Lines one, two, and five may have seven to ten
syllables each, and lines three and four may have five to seven syllables
each. The first line introduces the character and the setting. The second
line establishes the main character’s situation. Lines three and four show
how the situation went out of control, and line five resolves the story and
brings it to a close.
By writing this poem, I wanted the reader to have a good idea that the
setting was in the Middle Ages and how a simple piece of greed could tear
down an entire society. I used some words that are linked with the Middle
Ages such as “knight” and “mare”. I wrote the line “He went here and
there” to signify that the knight rode from one shire to another quiet
easily, because back then there was no immigration to go through. I used
the line “So punched and battled up a sweat”, because it gives you an
idea of how it started out as punches and small battles in a bar and then
turned into a massive war. I ended the poem with the word “regret”
because that’s a pretty powerful word that brings many different personal
examples of regret to a reader, so I think that’s a good way to wrap up
the poem.
I used a limerick to write about what can cause a society or civilization to
regress because that question can be answered in an example which can
be elaborated into a story, which is what a limerick does. Plus, the
example that I thought of was a silly thing to do in the knight’s place,
which is the type of thing a limerick is used to write about. Limericks,
personally, remind me of the type of poems and songs that medieval
minstrels would perform. Thus I used a limericks, which reminded me of
the Middle Ages.
Well done. When you do it right, you really do it right. This is masterfully
written. I appreciate all the thought that goes into your writing.
CCB Cinquain
Poised and cultured.
Living with a young duke,
But smitten with handsome, suave George.
A cinquain is a poem with five lines. The first line has two syllables and
states the poem’s topic. Line two has four syllables and describes the
topic. The third line has six syllables and expresses an action. Line four
has eight syllables and expresses feeling. Lastly, line five has two
syllables and describes the topic again.
I chose the words “poised” and “cultured” to describe Aelis because that’s
what everyone perceives her as, and that’s what she is most of the time.
I wouldn’t use words like “rebellious” and “free” to describe Aelis because
she’s quiet willing to bend with society, she just likes to enjoy certain
moments of freedom. I used the word “smitten” to describe her feelings
towards George, because Aelis was really keen on having a future with
George the moment she met him. George, to Aelis, is the dream man,
handsome and suave. However, when Aelis was ordered to marry a young
duke and George was betrothed to the widow Ethelfritha, Aelis was
feeling quite forlorn, wishing that she could be wed to George instead of a
duke that was still in the care of his mother.
I chose a cinquain to describe Aelis because she is quite full of emotions,
and a cinquain is a nice, concise way of describing all those emotions that
are swimming around in her head. When I think of Aelis, I just have to
sigh in sympathy. She’s in quiet a difficult situation, but she manages to
straighten her life together in the end.
I like the unique choice. I can honestly say that no one else wrote about
Aelis. Nice portrayal of a minor character. Excellent word choice.
Winter Wonderland
Free Verse: Free Choice
Water beads,
A land of blue,
Like a cold heart,
Like a clear sky.
Oh so cold.
My breath,
An innocent cloud floating in front of my face,
Another type of nature,
No warmth,
No birds chirping,
No breeze,
Just angry gales.
I think not.
For me,
This is wonderful.
This is,
There’s quiet a bit of liberty in a free verse poem. There isn’t a
requirement about rhyming, although you can rhyme if desired, and there
isn’t a specific rhythm. Similarly, there isn’t a specific syllable count for
each line, and you only need at least five lines. However, the one thing
that is concrete is that you are expressing feelings and emotions, not a
In this poem, I chose words that reminded me of the cold. Whenever I
think of the cold, I think of icicles, water beads dripping down the icicle,
snow, ice, frostbite, loneliness, fog from my breath, and angry gales. I
used these words in my poem in hope that it will give them the same kind
of feeling, coldness. However, I gave the poem a twist by saying that I
liked the cold and the loneliness. To express this point, I used the word
“paradox”, because this word is quiet confusing and frustrating to me and
that’s a feeling most people get when they’re in a snowy environment
with little or no people nearby.
I used a free verse poem to write about the cold, because I couldn’t think
of any other way to express the cold. A limerick was too upbeat, I don’t
think poems about the cold should rhyme, ruling out any rhyming poems,
so I stuck to a free verse poem where I had the freedom to create a
format for my poem that would be suitable.
Your best writing comes when you are free to express whatever you want
to express. That doesn’t mean your mandatory poems aren’t great, it’s
just that your free poems are exemplary.
Taking Advantage
Poetry Slam
It’s raining.
I watch the raindrops trickle down the shop window,
A boy walks in,
Sporting a grin.
“Gummy bears?”
He asks innocently.
I point towards the back shelf.
“Go help yourself.”
I narrow my eyes at him,
As he touches the jar’s shiny rim,
And sticks his slimy, sticky, snot-covered hand into the jar.
A sight I find quite bizarre,
For he is the mayor’s son,
And probably pampered quite a ton.
Ah well,
I think.
It’s no crime,
To be covered in slime.
That was before he gave me a dime,
Not two,
Just one.
And looks at me,
Like I should excuse him this one time.
I decided to just relax,
For he could bring up my tax.
And I could not risk that,
So I just told him to scat.
The next day he came,
Determined to play the same game.
And I did not exclaim,
But played along with shame.
This happened,
And again,
And again.
But one day I felt empowered,
And decided to stop this act most call absurd.
It was raining.
I watched the raindrops trickle down the shop window,
The boy walks in,
And reaches into the bin,
And places one dime on the counter,
Leaving me feeling quite bitter.
“One dime is going to get you half a handful.”
I stated.
He stared at me blankly,
Wondering why I was suddenly angry.
“Look, this has got to stop,
so please get out of my shop.”
He ran out,
I finally won a bout!
The sun was shining,
And the birds were chirping,
I chewed on some candy,
And didn’t feel any pity,
For the boy was staring at me.
Looking at me gloat,
And gloat,
And gloat.
A SLAM poem is a free verse poem. In a SLAM poem, there’s an element
that is repeated that lets the reader come back to the same central focus.
The entire SLAM poem is never completely rhyming, however rhymes are
used to direct the audience to a particular idea or theme. Alliteration and
repetition is used in the same way. A SLAM poem is written about
something you’re passionate about and has a certain stress factor.
However in the end of the poem, hope is provided.
I used the words “slimy”, “sticky”, and “snot-covered” to describe the
boy’s hand because I wanted to emphasize the fact that it was disgusting,
so I used alliteration. I used the word “exclaim” in the line “I did not
exclaim”, because that shows that I did not scream or yell at him for
trying the same thing again, but I “played along with shame”. I used the
word “scat” instead of “go away” because it is a much more powerful
word and really shows that I was annoyed and wanted the boy to go
away but didn’t want to scream at him completely.
Some people may be confused when they read my poem. “You never
owned a candy shop!” they might comment. However, this poem was
written completely in a metaphor. The idea that I was writing about was
people taking advantage of me. By nature I like to share what I have with
other people, but there’s a point when I get annoyed when people use
me. That’s when they do it too often. I get even more annoyed when they
don’t repay me in any way. This was symbolized with the boy paying me
one dime instead of two and looks at me like I should excuse him that
one time. The sad thing is, I find it hard to say “no”, and this often causes
me to carry a much bigger burden. This concept was symbolized by “The
next day he came,/ determined to play the same game./ and I did not
exclaim,/ but played along with shame.” However, in the cases where I
do manage to say “no”, I always feel liberated and free. This was
symbolized in the last stanza.
I like the imagery and sensory language in this poem. Your performance
was great, too. The metaphor goes on a little too long. I think it’s easy for
people to miss the point because of the story line obscuring the message.
3/9/2011 2:49:00 AM
Master (90-
*still unsure of
poem structure
*followed almost
all of the rules of
the poem
*followed the
rules of the
*does not have a
understanding of
the essential
*has a good
understanding of
the essential
*poems written
*has a thorough
understand of
the essential
*poems hastily
put together or
written with very
references to the
Middle Ages
with some
thought with
some references
to the Middle
written with
clear references
to the Middle
*very little
thought given to
word choice
*used the same
*most words
were well
chosen, clear
and accurate
*words well
chosen, clear,
visual, and
words over and
over again
*used tired out
clichés or
*words and
phrases so vivid
the reader won’t
soon forget them
*little evidence
of editing for
*some evidence
of editing for
editing for
Word Choice
STUDENT, your portfolio includes some of the best ones in the grade.
Still, there are a couple that don’t work perfectly. Again, I appreciate the
thought and work you put into this portfolio. The quality shows.