ESSAY REVISION: THREE CHOICES
1. Do nothing more and keep your essay grade as it now stands.
2. Do the “revision assignment” in which you rewrite your thesis and one body paragraph.
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The grade from the revision assignment and your original essay grade will be averaged for a
new grade.
Follow the instructions on the assignment and use the rubric for the “Revision Assignment”
3. Revise the whole essay.
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You will receive a new grade to replace the original essay grade.
Use the original essay rubric—I will have fresh copies available.
Write your question, exactly as it appears, on the rubric.
Make sure it has a title—major essays should always have a creative title.
BOTH THE REVISION ASSIGNMENT AND THE REWRITTEN ESSAY WILL BE DUE FRIDAY, MAY 23 RD.
REVISING YOUR ESSAY—HOW TO START
1. Look at your thesis and revise it, if necessary, so that it goes beyond recall and is specific.
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For example, “Polygamy leads to jealousy and competition” is accurate, but analyze it and
go deeper so that you have something to prove. Examine the stories to see how polygamy
itself leads to jealousy—see which characters actively aggravate the situation, and so on.
2. Write topic sentences that will support and allow you to develop (argue) your point. The topic
sentences must directly relate to the thesis, using key words / ideas from the thesis.
EXAMPLE:
THESIS: Because of societal expectations in Genesis, sibling rivalry between
brothers focuses on leadership and ambition while sisters struggle over the honor
that they derive from their men.
Topic Sentence #1: As a result of societal expectations of men in Genesis, the rivalry
between Jacob and Esau and between Joseph and his brothers is to gain power and
leadership in the tribe.
Topic Sentence #2: Because women are expected to take a subservient role to men in the
society of Genesis, the conflict between sisters Leah and Rachel is to gain the most love
and approval from their husband, expressed through success in childbearing
3. Next, develop the statements that you will use to support or argue your position.
 The statements should be your ideas, not facts from the plot.
 The statements must directly support the thesis.
EXAMPLE:
Topic Sentence: Because women are expected to take a subservient role to men in the
society of Genesis, the conflict between sisters Leah and Rachel is to gain the most love and
approval from their husband, expressed through success in childbearing
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Statements that support the topic sentence:
Societal expectations for women have their foundation in Eve’s punishment.
Childbearing, as a means of winning a man’s favor, is at the heart of Leah’s conflict with
her sister.
Rachel struggles with her sister out of her need to establish her own self-worth and
preserve her husband’s love by bearing for him.
4. Proof and Analysis—After organizing the statements, use examples from the plot to prove your
point and explain or analyze the examples to connect back to the topic sentence / thesis.
Example:
Topic Sentence: Because women are expected to take a subservient role to men in the
society of Genesis, the conflict between sisters Leah and Rachel is to gain the most love and
approval from their husband, expressed through success in childbearing
Statement:
 Societal expectations for women have their foundation in Eve’s punishment.
Proof:
 Eve represents all women when God deals out the consequence of her disobedience,
saying, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception” and that “thy desire shall
be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen 3:16).
Analysis:
 Thereafter, women in Genesis take a subservient role in society, dependent on the favor
of their husbands and on their own ability to provide children for their husbands. It also
incites conflict between women because their only means of gaining value relies on the
esteem they gain from men and from childbearing.
TRANSITION TO NEXT STATEMENT.
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As you are writing, decide the order of the statements—sometimes you need to present
them in a certain order because one idea builds on another, while other times they are
interchangeable.
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You can have more than one proof and analysis for a statement. Vary the organization as
you feel the need to, but make certain that you have approximately three clear statements
and adequate support and explanation / analysis for each statement.
Keep checking back with your thesis and topic sentence as you write. If you wander from the ideas in
your topic sentence, you can either get back on topic, or modify your topic sentence and thesis