The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
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You don’t know about me without you have read a book by
the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain’t
You wouldn’t have heard of me unless you’ve read a
book called The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. But that’s
no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he
told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched,
okay. Mr. Mark Twain wrote that book, and what he
wrote was mostly true. He exaggerated some things,
but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I never seen
anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt
but most of it was true. That’s not a big deal. I never
met anybody who hasn’t lied at one time or another,
Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt Polly—Tom’s Aunt
Polly, she is—and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is all told
except for maybe Aunt Polly, the widow, or Mary. Aunt
Polly—Tom’s Aunt Polly, that is—and Mary and the
about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some
stretchers, as I said before.
Widow Douglas are all in that book, which was mostly
true, except for some exaggerations, as I said before.
Now the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me
found the money that the robbers hid in the cave, and it
Now at the end of that book, Tom and I had found the
money that the robbers hid in the cave. That money
made us rich. We got six thousand dollars apiece—all gold.
It was an awful sight of money when it was piled up. Well,
made us rich. We got six thousand dollars each, all in
gold. It looked awesome when it was all piled up. Well,
Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out at interest, and it
fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year round—more
Judge Thatcher took that money and invested it. It
earned each of us a dollar a day for every day of the
than a body could tell what to do with. The Widow Douglas
she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me;
year, which was more money than we knew what to
do with. The Widow Douglas adopted me and said
but it was rough living in the house all the time, considering
how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her
she’d teach me manners, but it was really hard for me
to live in her house because she was so prim and
ways; and so when I couldn’t stand it no longer I lit out. I got
into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was
proper. When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I ran
away. I put on my old ratty clothes and hung out in my
free and satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and
said he was going to start a band of robbers, and I might join
favorite sugar barrel. I was happy and free again. But
then Tom Sawyer found me. He said he was forming a
if I would go back to the widow and be respectable. So I
went back.
band of robbers and that I could join if I returned to the
widow’s house and acted respectably. So I went back.
The widow she cried over me, and called me a poor lost
lamb, and she called me a lot of other names, too, but she
The widow cried when I came back. She called me a
poor lost lamb and a lot of other names, but she didn’t
never meant no harm by it. She put me in them new clothes
again, and I couldn’t do nothing but sweat and sweat, and
mean any harm. She made me wear those new
clothes, which made me sweat and feel cooped up all
feel all cramped up. Well, then, the old thing commenced
again. The widow rung a bell for supper, and you had to
over again. Then all the fuss over rules started up
again. For example, whenever the widow rang the
come to time. When you got to the table you couldn’t go
right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck
supper bell, you had to drop what you were doing and
come to the table. When you sat down to eat, you had
down her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though
there warn’t really anything the matter with them,—that is,
to wait for her to bow her head and pray, even though
there wasn’t anything wrong with the food—except for
nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of
odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the
the fact that she separated everything on the plate,
which doesn’t make the food taste as good as it does
juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.
when it gets jumbled together and the flavors mix.
After supper she got out her book and learned me about
After supper she got out her Bible and taught me all
Moses and the Bulrushers, and I was in a sweat to find out
all about him; but by and by she let it out that Moses had
about Moses and the Bulrushers. I was pretty excited
to hear about him, until she told me that he’d been
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been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn’t care no
more about him, because I don’t take no stock in dead
dead a long time. After that, I didn’t really care to hear
more, since I’m not interested in dead people.
people.
Pretty soon I wanted to smoke, and asked the widow to let
Pretty soon, I wanted a smoke, and I asked the widow
me. But she wouldn’t. She said it was a mean practice and
wasn’t clean, and I must try to not do it any more. That is
if that would be okay, but she said no. She said that
smoking was filthy and disgusting, and that I had to
just the way with some people. They get down on a thing
when they don’t know nothing about it. Here she was a-
stop. That’s just the way it is with some people—they
badmouth things they don’t know anything about.
bothering about Moses, which was no kin to her, and no use
to anybody, being gone, you see, yet finding a power of fault
Here she was going on and on about Moses, who
wasn’t related to her and couldn’t help anybody since
with me for doing a thing that had some good in it. And she
took snuff, too; of course that was all right, because she
he’s dead. But then she picks on me for trying to do
something that would have done me some good. And
done it herself.
she even takes snuff. Of course, she thought that was
okay because it was something she liked to do.
Her sister, Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with
goggles on, had just come to live with her, and took a set at
The widow’s sister, Miss Watson, had just moved in
with her. She was skinny old maid who wore glasses
me now with a spelling-book. She worked me middling hard
for about an hour, and then the widow made her ease up. I
and was pretty nice, I guess. One day she sat me
down and tried to teach me how to read out of a
couldn’t stood it much longer. Then for an hour it was deadly
dull, and I was fidgety. Miss Watson would say, “Don’t put
spelling book. She taught me for about an hour until
the widow made her stop, which was good since I
your feet up there, Huckleberry;” and “Don’t scrunch up like
that, Huckleberry—set up straight;” and pretty soon she
couldn’t take it any more. Another boring hour passed,
and I started fidgeting. So Miss Watson would say
would say, “Don’t gap and stretch like that, Huckleberry—
why don’t you try to behave?” Then she told me all about the
things like “Don’t put your feet on the table,
Huckleberry,” and “Don’t slouch, Huckleberry—sit up
bad place, and I said I wished I was there. She got mad
then, but I didn’t mean no harm. All I wanted was to go
straight.” Then she’d say, “Don’t yawn and stretch like
that, Huckleberry. Why don’t you behave?” Then she
somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn’t particular.
She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn’t
told me all about Hell, and I told her that I wished I
were there already. That made her angry, but I didn’t
say it for the whole world; she was going to live so as to go
to the good place. Well, I couldn’t see no advantage in going
really mean any harm. All I wanted was a change of
scenery—to go anywhere else. She said it was wicked
where she was going, so I made up my mind I wouldn’t try
for it. But I never said so, because it would only make
to say what I had said, and that she would never say
such a thing because she wanted to live a good life
trouble, and wouldn’t do no good.
and go to Heaven. Well, I didn’t see what going to
Heaven would get me, so I decided not to even try to
get there. I didn’t tell her this, though, because I
figured it wouldn’t do any good and would only get me
in trouble.
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Modern Text
Now she had got a start, and she went on and told me all
about the good place. She said all a body would have to do
Now that she had started, Miss Watson went on and
on about Heaven. She said the only thing people do
there was to go around all day long with a harp and sing,
forever and ever. So I didn’t think much of it. But I never said
there is sing and play the harp forever and ever. This
didn’t sound so great to me. I didn’t tell her this,
so. I asked her if she reckoned Tom Sawyer would go there,
and she said not by a considerable sight. I was glad about
though. I asked if she thought Tom Sawyer would go
to Heaven, and she said not by a long shot. This
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that, because I wanted him and me to be together.
made me happy, because I wanted the two of us to be
together.
Miss Watson she kept pecking at me, and it got tiresome
and lonesome. By and by they fetched the niggers in and
Miss Watson kept lecturing me, which made me tired
and lonely. Pretty soon they called the n------ in to say
had prayers, and then everybody was off to bed. I went up
to my room with a piece of candle, and put it on the table.
their prayers, and then everybody went off to bed. I
took a candle up to my room, and put it on the table.
Then I set down in a chair by the window and tried to think
of something cheerful, but it warn’t no use. I felt so
Then I sat down in a chair by the window and tried to
think of something cheerful, but it was no use. I felt so
lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining,
and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful; and I
lonely I wished I were dead. The stars were out and
the leaves were rustling sadly in the woods. I heard an
heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that
was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about
owl in the distance, hooting as if someone had died,
and a whippowill and a dog howling as if someone
somebody that was going to die; and the wind was trying to
whisper something to me, and I couldn’t make out what it
were going to die. I heard the wind blowing as if it was
trying to tell me something I couldn’t understand. It
was, and so it made the cold shivers run over me. Then
away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a
gave me the creeps. Then way out in the woods I
heard the kind of sound that a ghost makes when it
ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that’s on
its mind and can’t make itself understood, and so can’t rest
wants to tell you something important but can’t make
itself understood—this is why it can’t rest in peace and
easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night
grieving. I got so down-hearted and scared I did wish I had
is doomed to haunt the living forever. All this made me
feel so depressed and scared that I wished someone
some company. Pretty soon a spider went crawling up my
shoulder, and I flipped it off and it lit in the candle; and
were with me. Pretty soon a spider crawled up my
shoulder. I flicked it off, and it landed in the candle and
before I could budge it was all shriveled up. I didn’t need
anybody to tell me that that was an awful bad sign and
shriveled up before I could save it. I didn’t need
anyone to tell me that this was a bad sign and would
would fetch me some bad luck, so I was scared and most
shook the clothes off of me. I got up and turned around in
bring me bad luck, and so I felt even more scared. I
shivered so much that I nearly shook my clothes off. I
my tracks three times and crossed my breast every time;
and then I tied up a little lock of my hair with a thread to
stood up, turned around, and crossed myself three
times. Then I used a piece of thread to tie a bit of my
keep witches away. But I hadn’t no confidence. You do that
when you’ve lost a horseshoe that you’ve found, instead of
hair in a knot to keep away any witches. But this didn’t
make me feel any better, since that trick only works
nailing it up over the door, but I hadn’t ever heard anybody
say it was any way to keep off bad luck when you’d killed a
when you’ve lost a horseshoe that you’ve found,
instead of nailing it up over the doorway. I’d never
spider.
heard anyone say it would work to keep away the bad
luck when you’ve killed a spider.
I set down again, a-shaking all over, and got out my pipe for
a smoke; for the house was all as still as death now, and so
I sat down again, shaking all over. I pulled out my pipe
to have a smoke, since the house was quiet and the
the widow wouldn’t know. Well, after a long time I heard the
clock away off in the town go boom—boom—boom—twelve
widow wouldn’t find out. After a long while, I heard the
clock way off in the town chime twelve times. Then it
licks; and all still again—stiller than ever. Pretty soon I heard
a twig snap down in the dark amongst the trees—something
was still again, stiller than ever. Pretty soon I heard a
twig snap in the dark somewhere among the trees—
was a stirring. I set still and listened. Directly I could just
barely hear a “me-yow! me-yow!” down there. That was
something was moving around down there. I sat still
and listened until I could just barely make out a “Me-
good! Says I, “me-yow! me-yow!” as soft as I could, and
then I put out the light and scrambled out of the window on
yow! Me-yow!” That was good! I answered, “Me-yow!
“Me-yow!” back and then scrambled out the window
to the shed. Then I slipped down to the ground and crawled
and down onto the shed. I slipped down to the ground
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in among the trees, and, sure enough, there was Tom
Sawyer waiting for me.
and crawled into the woods. Sure enough, there was
Tom Sawyer waiting for me.
Chapter 2
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Modern Text
WE went tiptoeing along a path amongst the trees back
towards the end of the widow’s garden, stooping down so as
We tiptoed along a path that ran through the trees
toward the back of the widow’s garden, hunching over
the branches wouldn’t scrape our heads. When we was
passing by the kitchen I fell over a root and made a noise.
so the branches wouldn’t scrape our heads. Just as
we passed by the kitchen, I made a noise as I fell over
We scrouched down and laid still. Miss Watson’s big nigger,
named Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we could see
a tree root that was sticking up. We crouched down
and laid still. Miss Watson’s big n-----, Jim, was sitting
him pretty clear, because there was a light behind him. He
got up and stretched his neck out about a minute, listening.
in the kitchen doorway. There was a light behind him,
so we could see him pretty clearly. He got up,
Then he says:
stretched his neck out for a minute to listen.
“Who dah?”
Then he said, “Who’s that?”
He listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and
stood right between us; we could a touched him, nearly.
Jim listened some more, then he tiptoed toward us
until he was standing right between us. He was so
Well, likely it was minutes and minutes that there warn’t a
sound, and we all there so close together. There was a
close we could have almost reached out and touched
him. It seemed minutes passed without a sound. My
place on my ankle that got to itching, but I dasn’t scratch it;
and then my ear begun to itch; and next my back, right
ankle started to itch, but I couldn’t risk scratching it.
Then my ear began to itch and my back too, right
between my shoulders. Seemed like I’d die if I couldn’t
scratch. Well, I’ve noticed that thing plenty times since. If
between my shoulder blades. I itched so much I felt
like I was going to die. I’ve noticed this a lot, actually:
you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to
sleep when you ain’t sleepy—if you are anywheres where it
If you’re around important people or at a funeral or
trying to fall asleep when you’re not sleepy—basically,
won’t do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in
upwards of a thousand places. Pretty soon Jim says:
any place where you just can’t scratch—then your
body is going itch in a thousand places.
“Say, who is you? Whar is you? Dog my cats ef I didn’ hear
sumf’n. Well, I know what I’s gwyne to do: I’s gwyne to set
Pretty soon Jim said, “Say now, who’s there? Where
are you? I’ll be damned if I didn’t hear something.
down here and listen tell I hears it agin.”
Well, I know what I’m going to do—I’m going to sit
down right here and listen until I hear that sound
again.”
So he set down on the ground betwixt me and Tom. He
He sat down on the ground between me and Tom. He
leaned his back up against a tree, and stretched his legs out
till one of them most touched one of mine. My nose begun to
leaned up against a tree and stretched his legs out
until one of them almost touched mine. Then my nose
itch. It itched till the tears come into my eyes. But I dasn’t
scratch. Then it begun to itch on the inside. Next I got to
began to itch so much that I almost cried. But I
couldn’t risk scratching it. It began to itch on the inside
itching underneath. I didn’t know how I was going to set still.
This miserableness went on as much as six or seven
of my nose, then underneath. It was so bad I didn’t
know how I was going to stay still. This misery went on
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minutes; but it seemed a sight longer than that. I was itching
in eleven different places now. I reckoned I couldn’t stand it
for six or seven minutes, but it felt a lot longer than
that. Pretty soon I itched in eleven different places. I
more’n a minute longer, but I set my teeth hard and got
ready to try. Just then Jim begun to breathe heavy; next he
figured I couldn’t stand it any longer, but I gritted my
teeth and told myself to be patient. Just then Jim
begun to snore—and then I was pretty soon comfortable
again.
began to breathe heavily and then snore—and then I
could scratch all over and be comfortable again.
Tom he made a sign to me—kind of a little noise with his
mouth—and we went creeping away on our hands and
Tom signaled to me by making a little noise with his
mouth, and we crawled away on our hands and
knees. When we was ten foot off Tom whispered to me, and
wanted to tie Jim to the tree for fun. But I said no; he might
knees. When we’d crawled ten feet, Tom whispered
that he wanted to play a joke on Jim by tieing him up
wake and make a disturbance, and then they’d find out I
warn’t in. Then Tom said he hadn’t got candles enough, and
to the tree. I said we better not, because he might
wake up and start shouting, and then everyone would
he would slip in the kitchen and get some more. I didn’t want
him to try. I said Jim might wake up and come. But Tom
know I’d snuck out. Then Tom said that he didn’t have
enough candles, and that he’d sneak into the kitchen
wanted to resk it; so we slid in there and got three candles,
and Tom laid five cents on the table for pay. Then we got
to grab a few more. I didn’t want him to do it and said
that Jim might wake up and investigate. But Tom
out, and I was in a sweat to get away; but nothing would do
Tom but he must crawl to where Jim was, on his hands and
wanted to risk it, so we snuck into the kitchen and got
three candles. Before we left, Tom put five cents on
knees, and play something on him. I waited, and it seemed
a good while, everything was so still and lonesome.
the table to pay for them. I really wanted to leave, but
Tom wanted to play a joke on Jim. Tom crawled over
to him while I waited in the still and lonesome night for
what seemed like a really long time.
As soon as Tom was back we cut along the path, around the
garden fence, and by and by fetched up on the steep top of
As soon as Tom got back, we continued along the
path around the garden fence, and then headed up
the hill the other side of the house. Tom said he slipped
Jim’s hat off of his head and hung it on a limb right over him,
the hill behind the house. Tom said he’d taken Jim’s
hat off and hung it on a branch right above his head,
and Jim stirred a little, but he didn’t wake. Afterwards Jim
said the witches be witched him and put him in a trance, and
and that though Jim had stirred a little, he hadn’t
woken up. Later on, Jim explained the hat in the tree
rode him all over the State, and then set him under the trees
again, and hung his hat on a limb to show who done it. And
by claiming that witches cast a spell on him that put
him in a trance. He said they made him ride his horse
next time Jim told it he said they rode him down to New
Orleans; and, after that, every time he told it he spread it
all over the whole state before putting him back under
the tree. They had hung his hat on the branch to show
more and more, till by and by he said they rode him all over
the world, and tired him most to death, and his back was all
him what they’d done to him. The next time he told the
story, though, he said they’d made him go all the way
over saddle-boils. Jim was monstrous proud about it, and he
got so he wouldn’t hardly notice the other niggers. Niggers
down to New Orleans. Each time he told it, he seemed
to go a little further so that pretty soon he was saying
would come miles to hear Jim tell about it, and he was more
looked up to than any nigger in that country. Strange niggers
they’d made him ride all over the world, which gave
him saddle sores and nearly killed him. Jim was pretty
would stand with their mouths open and look him all over,
same as if he was a wonder. Niggers is always talking about
proud about all this, and he liked telling the story to
the other n------, who would come from miles away to
witches in the dark by the kitchen fire; but whenever one
was talking and letting on to know all about such things, Jim
hear it. He became the most respected n------ in the
county. Even n------ he didn’t know would stare at him
would happen in and say, “Hm! What you know ’bout
witches?” and that nigger was corked up and had to take a
with their mouths open as if he were a great wonder.
n------ love to sit in the dark around the kitchen fire and
back seat. Jim always kept that five-center piece round his
tell stories about witches. Whenever Jim would walk
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neck with a string, and said it was a charm the devil give to
him with his own hands, and told him he could cure anybody
into the room and hear someone else talking about
such things he’d say, “Hmph! What do you know
with it and fetch witches whenever he wanted to just by
saying something to it; but he never told what it was he said
about witches?” The n----- who was all talking would
have to sit down and let Jim have the floor. Jim always
to it. Niggers would come from all around there and give Jim
anything they had, just for a sight of that five-center piece;
kept Tom’s nickel around his neck with a string, saying
it was a charm that the devil himself had given to him.
but they wouldn’t touch it, because the devil had had his
hands on it. Jim was most ruined for a servant, because he
He said that he could cure anybody with that charm
and fetch witches whenever he wanted just by saying
got stuck up on account of having seen the devil and been
rode by witches.
a little chant—though he never told us what the chant
actually was. n------ would come from all over and give
Jim whatever they could just for a glimpse of that
nickel, but they’d never touch it because they believed
it had been touched by the devil. Jim became
worthless as a servant because he thought he was so
special for having seen the devil and been put in a
trance by witches.
Well, when Tom and me got to the edge of the hilltop we
looked away down into the village and could see three or
Well, when Tom and I got to the top of the hill, we
looked down at the village and could see three or four
four lights twinkling, where there was sick folks, maybe; and
the stars over us was sparkling ever so fine; and down by
lights twinkling, which might have been the homes of
sick people who were up late. The starts above us
the village was the river, a whole mile broad, and awful still
and grand. We went down the hill and found Jo Harper and
were sparkling so prettily, and down by the village you
could see the river, which was a whole mile wide, still
Ben Rogers, and two or three more of the boys, hid in the
old tanyard. So we unhitched a skiff and pulled down the
and grand. We went down the hill to the old tanyard,
where we found Jo Harper, Ben Rogers, and two or
river two mile and a half, to the big scar on the hillside, and
went ashore.
three other boys. We untied a skiff and floated down
the river for two and a half miles before going ashore
near the big scar on the hillside.
We went to a clump of bushes, and Tom made everybody
We went over to a clump of bushes. Tom made
swear to keep the secret, and then showed them a hole in
the hill, right in the thickest part of the bushes. Then we lit
everybody swear to secrecy, and then he showed us a
hole in the hill, right in the thickest part of the bushes.
the candles, and crawled in on our hands and knees. We
went about two hundred yards, and then the cave opened
We lit the candles and crawled into the hole on our
hands and knees. After about two hundred yards, the
up. Tom poked about amongst the passages, and pretty
soon ducked under a wall where you wouldn’t a noticed that
cave opened up. Tom explored some of the passages,
before finally ducking under a wall where you couldn’t
there was a hole. We went along a narrow place and got
into a kind of room, all damp and sweaty and cold, and there
even tell that there was a hole. We went along a
narrow passageway until we came to a kind of damp,
we stopped. Tom says:
cold room. We stopped there, and Tom said:
“Now, we’ll start this band of robbers and call it Tom
“Now, let’s start a band of robbers. We’ll call it Tom
Sawyer’s Gang. Everybody that wants to join has got to take
an oath, and write his name in blood.”
Sawyer’s Gang. Everybody who wants to join has got
to swear an oath and write his name in blood.”
Everybody was willing. So Tom got out a sheet of paper that
he had wrote the oath on, and read it. It swore every boy to
Everybody agreed, so Tom got out a sheet of paper
and read the oath he’d already written on it. The oath
stick to the band, and never tell any of the secrets; and if
anybody done anything to any boy in the band, whichever
declared that every boy in the gang had to stick to the
gang and never tell any of its secrets. If anyone else
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boy was ordered to kill that person and his family must do it,
and he mustn’t eat and he mustn’t sleep till he had killed
harmed a boy in the gang, then the gang would
choose one of its members to kill that person and his
them and hacked a cross in their breasts, which was the
sign of the band. And nobody that didn’t belong to the band
family. The boy would not be allowed to eat or sleep
until he’d killed them and hacked a cross on each of
could use that mark, and if he did he must be sued; and if he
done it again he must be killed. And if anybody that
their chests—the cross being the sign of the gang.
Only gang members could use that sign. Anyone else
belonged to the band told the secrets, he must have his
throat cut, and then have his carcass burnt up and the
who did would be sued, and if they did it again, they’d
be killed. If a member told the gang’s secrets, then his
ashes scattered all around, and his name blotted off of the
list with blood and never mentioned again by the gang, but
throat would be cut, his body burned, and his ashes
scattered everywhere. His name would be smeared
have a curse put on it and be forgot forever.
off the roster with blood and cursed so that it would be
forgotten forever.
Everybody said it was a real beautiful oath, and asked Tom
if he got it out of his own head. He said, some of it, but the
Everbody said that it was a wonderful oath and asked
Tom if he’d made it up himself. He said he’d made up
rest was out of pirate-books and robber-books, and every
gang that was high-toned had it.
some of it on his own, but got the rest from books
about pirates and robbers. He said that every proper,
first class gang used it.
Some thought it would be good to kill the FAMILIES of boys
Some of the boys thought it would be a good idea to
that told the secrets. Tom said it was a good idea, so he
took a pencil and wrote it in. Then Ben Rogers says:
also kill the FAMILIES of the boys who told the gang’s
secrets. Tom liked the idea, so he took a pencil and
added it in. Then Ben Rogers said:
“Here’s Huck Finn, he hain’t got no family; what you going to
“But what about Huck Finn? He ain’t got no family.
do ’bout him?”
What are you going to do about him?”
“Well, hain’t he got a father?” says Tom Sawyer.
“Well, ain’t he got a father?” asked Tom Sawyer.
“Yes, he’s got a father, but you can’t never find him these
days. He used to lay drunk with the hogs in the tanyard, but
“Yeah, he’s got a father, but nobody knows where to
find him these days. He used to lay with the hogs in
he hain’t been seen in these parts for a year or more.”
the tanyard when he was drunk, but no one has seen
him around here for more than a year.”
They talked it over, and they was going to rule me out,
because they said every boy must have a family or
They talked it over and were going to kick me out of
the gang. They said every boy had to have a family or
somebody to kill, or else it wouldn’t be fair and square for
the others. Well, nobody could think of anything to do—
someone to kill if he told the gang’s secrets.
Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair to the other boys. No one
everybody was stumped, and set still. I was most ready to
cry; but all at once I thought of a way, and so I offered them
could think of what to do—we were all stumped and
just sat there thinking. I was just about to cry, when I
Miss Watson—they could kill her. Everybody said:
thought of a solution. I said they could kill Miss
Watson if I told any secrets. Everbody said:
“Oh, she’ll do. That’s all right. Huck can come in.”
“Oh, perfect. She’ll do. Now Huck’s in the gang.”
Then they all stuck a pin in their fingers to get blood to sign
Then everyone stuck a needle in his finger to draw
with, and I made my mark on the paper.
blood to sign his name, and I made my mark on the
paper.
“Now,” says Ben Rogers, “what’s the line of business of this
Gang?”
“Now,” said Ben Rogers, “What’s the main purpose of
this gang?”
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“Nothing only robbery and murder,” Tom said.
“Nothing, except robbery and murder,” Tom said.
“But who are we going to rob?—houses, or cattle, or—”
“But whom are we going to rob? Houses or cattle
or….?”
“Stuff! stealing cattle and such things ain’t robbery; it’s
“Stuff! Stealing cattle and things like that ain’t
burglary,” says Tom Sawyer. “We ain’t burglars. That ain’t
no sort of style. We are highwaymen. We stop stages and
robbery—it’s burglary,” said Tom Sawyer. “We ain’t
burglers. Where’s the adventure in that? We’re
carriages on the road, with masks on, and kill the people
and take their watches and money.”
highwaymen. We wear masks and stop stagecoaches
and carriages on the road, kill people, and take their
watches and money.”
“Must we always kill the people?”
“Do we always have to kill the people?”
“Oh, certainly. It’s best. Some authorities think different, but
mostly it’s considered best to kill them—except some that
“Of course. That’s the best way. Some experts think
differently, but it’s generally considered best to kill
you bring to the cave here, and keep them till they’re
ransomed.”
them—except for the people you kidnap and bring
back to the cave until they’re ransomed.”
“Ransomed? What’s that?”
“Ransomed? What’s that?”
“I don’t know. But that’s what they do. I’ve seen it in books;
“I don’t know. But that’s what highwaymen do. I’ve
and so of course that’s what we’ve got to do.”
seen it in books, so of course that’s what we’ve got to
do.”
“But how can we do it if we don’t know what it is?”
“But how can we do it if we don’t even know what it
is?”
“Why, blame it all, we’ve GOT to do it. Don’t I tell you it’s in
the books? Do you want to go to doing different from what’s
“Why, darn it, we’ve GOT to do it. Didn’t I say that’s
what it says in the books? Do you want to do it
in the books, and get things all muddled up?”
differently than it’s done in the books and mess it all
up?”
“Oh, that’s all very fine to SAY, Tom Sawyer, but how in the
nation are these fellows going to be ransomed if we don’t
“Easier said than done, Tom Sawyer. What I’m trying
to say is how in the world are the people we kidnap
know how to do it to them? —that’s the thing I want to get at.
Now, what do you reckon it is?”
going to be ransomed if we don’t even know how to
ransom them? What do you think it means?”
“Well, I don’t know. But per’aps if we keep them till they’re
ransomed, it means that we keep them till they’re dead.”
“Well, I don’t know. But maybe it means that we keep
them til they’re dead.”
“Now, that’s something LIKE. That’ll answer. Why couldn’t
you said that before? We’ll keep them till they’re ransomed
“Now that makes sense. That’ll do. Why didn’t you just
say that before? We’ll keep them until they’re
to death; and a bothersome lot they’ll be, too—eating up
everything, and always trying to get loose.”
ransomed to death. And what a pain they’ll be too,
eating everything and always trying to escape.”
“How you talk, Ben Rogers. How can they get loose when
there’s a guard over them, ready to shoot them down if they
“Just listen to yourself, Ben Rogers. How can they get
loose when someone will be guarding them, ready to
move a peg?”
shoot them down if they move an inch?”
“A guard! Well, that IS good. So somebody’s got to set up all
“A guard! Well, that IS a good idea. So someone has
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night and never get any sleep, just so as to watch them. I
think that’s foolishness. Why can’t a body take a club and
got to stay up all night and never get any sleep, just to
keep an eye on them. I think that’s ridiculous. Why
ransom them as soon as they get here?”
can’t we just take a club and ransom them as soon as
they get here?”
“Because it ain’t in the books so—that’s why. Now, Ben
Rogers, do you want to do things regular, or don’t you?—
“Because that’s not how it’s done in the books, that’s
why. Now, Ben Rogers, do you want to do this right or
that’s the idea. Don’t you reckon that the people that made
the books knows what’s the correct thing to do? Do you
not? Don’t you think that the people who wrote the
books on robbers know what’s best? Do you think
reckon YOU can learn ’em anything? Not by a good deal.
No, sir, we’ll just go on and ransom them in the regular
YOU can teach them anything new? Not likely. No sir,
we’ll just go on and ransom them the way the book
way.”
says.”
“All right. I don’t mind; but I say it’s a fool way, anyhow. Say,
“All right. I don’t care. But I say it’s foolish anyway.
do we kill the women, too?”
Hey, are we going to kill the women, too?”
“Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn’t let
“Ben Rogers, if I were as dumb as you, I’d keep my
on. Kill the women? No; nobody ever saw anything in the
books like that. You fetch them to the cave, and you’re
mouth shut. Kill the women? No, none of the books
say anything about that. You bring them to the cave,
always as polite as pie to them; and by and by they fall in
love with you, and never want to go home any more.”
and you’re always as polite as you can be to them.
And pretty soon they fall in love with you and never
want to go back home.”
“Well, if that’s the way I’m agreed, but I don’t take no stock
“Well, it’s fine by me if that’s the way it is, but I don’t
in it.
want any part of it.
Mighty soon we’ll have the cave so cluttered up with women,
Pretty soon the cave will be so full of women and guys
and fellows waiting to be ransomed, that there won’t be no
place for the robbers. But go ahead, I ain’t got nothing to
waiting to be ransomed that there won’t be any space
left for us robbers. But go ahead, I’ve got nothing
say.”
more to say.”
Little Tommy Barnes was asleep now, and when they waked
Little Tommy Barnes had fallen asleep by this point,
him up he was scared, and cried, and said he wanted to go
home to his ma, and didn’t want to be a robber any more.
and when they woke him up he was scared and cried.
He said he wanted to go home to his mom and didn’t
want to be a robber any more.
So they all made fun of him, and called him cry-baby, and
Everyone made fun of him and called him a cry-baby.
that made him mad, and he said he would go straight and
tell all the secrets. But Tom give him five cents to keep
That made him mad. He said he would tell all the
gang’s secrets, so Tom gave him five cents to keep
quiet, and said we would all go home and meet next week,
and rob somebody and kill some people.
quiet. He said we would all go home until we met
again next week, when he’d rob somebody and kill
some people.
Ben Rogers said he couldn’t get out much, only Sundays,
Ben Rogers said he would only be able to meet on
and so he wanted to begin next Sunday; but all the boys
said it would be wicked to do it on Sunday, and that settled
Sundays and that he wanted our next meeting to be
next Sunday. But all the other boys said it would be
the thing. They agreed to get together and fix a day as soon
as they could, and then we elected Tom Sawyer first captain
wicked to rob and kill on a Sunday, so that was that.
Everyone agreed to get together and set a new date
and Jo Harper second captain of the Gang, and so started
home.
as soon as possible. We then elected Tom Sawyer
first captain and Jo Harper second captain of the
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Gang, and then everyone went home.
I clumb up the shed and crept into my window just before
I climbed back up the shed and crept through my
day was breaking. My new clothes was all greased up and
clayey, and I was dog-tired.
window just before dawn. My new clothes were all
sticky and smudged with dirt, and I was exhausted.
Chapter 3
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Modern Text
WELL, I got a good going-over in the morning from old Miss
Watson on account of my clothes; but the widow she didn’t
Well, old Miss Watson gave me a talking-to in the
morning when she saw my dirty clothes, but the widow
scold, but only cleaned off the grease and clay, and looked
so sorry that I thought I would behave awhile if I could. Then
only scrubbed off the grime without saying a word.
She looked so sad and disappointed that I decided to
Miss Watson she took me in the closet and prayed, but
nothing come of it. She told me to pray every day, and
try my best to behave for awhile. Then Miss Watson
took me into the closet to pray for me, but it didn’t
whatever I asked for I would get it. But it warn’t so. I tried it.
Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks. It warn’t any good to me
make a difference. She told me to pray every day, and
that I’d get whatever I prayed for if I did. But that
without hooks. I tried for the hooks three or four times, but
somehow I couldn’t make it work. By and by, one day, I
wasn’t true. I tried it. Once I got line for my fishing
pole, but not any fish hooks. What good is a line
asked Miss Watson to try for me, but she said I was a fool.
She never told me why, and I couldn’t make it out no way.
without hooks? I tried praying for hooks three or four
times, but I couldn’t make it work. One day I asked
Miss Watson to try and pray for hooks for me, but she
said I was a fool. She never told me why, and I never
really understood what she meant.
I set down one time back in the woods, and had a long think
I sat down in the woods one time and thought for a
about it. I says to myself, if a body can get anything they
pray for, why don’t Deacon Winn get back the money he lost
long time about it. If you can get whatever you pray
for, then I asked myself why Deacon Winn never
on pork? Why can’t the widow get back her silver snuffbox
that was stole? Why can’t Miss Watson fat up? No, says I to
prayed for the money he lost on pork? Or why can’t
the widow get back the silver snuff box that was stolen
my self, there ain’t nothing in it. I went and told the widow
about it, and she said the thing a body could get by praying
from her? Or why can’t Miss Watson gain any weight?
No, I said to myself, it just wasn’t true. I went and told
for it was “spiritual gifts.” This was too many for me, but she
told me what she meant—I must help other people, and do
this to the widow, and she said you can only get
“spiritual gifts” from praying. This was just too much
everything I could for other people, and look out for them all
the time, and never think about myself. This was including
for me, so she clarified that I have to do as much as I
could to help other people and not think about myself.
Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the woods and turned
it over in my mind a long time, but I couldn’t see no
I guess that included Miss Watson. I went out in the
woods and thought about it for a long time, but I
advantage about it—except for the other people; so at last I
reckoned I wouldn’t worry about it any more, but just let it
couldn’t see what good would come of it, except to the
other people. So I finally decided I would just forget
go. Sometimes the widow would take me one side and talk
about Providence in a way to make a body’s mouth water;
the whole thing and not worry about it any more.
Sometimes the widow would pull me aside and talk
but maybe next day Miss Watson would take hold and knock
it all down again. I judged I could see that there was two
about God in a way that would make me want to know
more, but then Miss Watson would talk about the
Providences, and a poor chap would stand considerable
show with the widow’s Providence, but if Miss Watson’s got
same thing and make me want to forget it all. I finally
decided that there were two Gods, and that a guy
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him there warn’t no help for him any more. I thought it all
out, and reckoned I would belong to the widow’s if he
couldn’t get enough of one if the widow was talking,
but was in trouble if Miss Watson started talking about
wanted me, though I couldn’t make out how he was a-going
to be any better off then than what he was before, seeing I
the other. I thought about it and reckoned I would
belong to the widow’s God if he wanted me, though I
was so ignorant, and so kind of low-down and ornery.
can’t imagine why he’d want me, since I’m so ignorant
and rough.
Pap he hadn’t been seen for more than a year, and that was
comfortable for me; I didn’t want to see him no more. He
No one had seen my Pap for more than a year. That
was fine by me, since I didn’t want to see him
used to always whale me when he was sober and could get
his hands on me; though I used to take to the woods most of
anymore. He used to always beat me when he was
sober and could catch me, though I usually just ran to
the time when he was around. Well, about this time he was
found in the river drownded, about twelve mile above town,
the woods whenever he was around. Well, about this
time he was found floating on his back along the river
so people said. They judged it was him, anyway; said this
drownded man was just his size, and was ragged, and had
about twelve miles upstream from town, dead from
having drowned. At least, people said it was him,
uncommon long hair, which was all like pap; but they
couldn’t make nothing out of the face, because it had been
since the drowned man was about the same size as
my father, wore ragged clothing, and had unusually
in the water so long it warn’t much like a face at all. They
said he was floating on his back in the water. They took him
long hair like my pap. But because the body had been
in the water so long, his face was unrecognizable, so
and buried him on the bank. But I warn’t comfortable long,
because I happened to think of something. I knowed mighty
they couldn’t idenify him. They pulled him from the
water and buried him along the riverbank. But
well that a drownded man don’t float on his back, but on his
face. So I knowed, then, that this warn’t pap, but a woman
something bothered me about it. I finally realized that
it was the fact that dead men float face-down, not
dressed up in a man’s clothes. So I was uncomfortable
again. I judged the old man would turn up again by and by,
face-up. So I knew then that the body wasn’t pap, but
a woman dressed up in man’s clothes. This put me on
though I wished he wouldn’t.
edge again, since I knew my old man would turn up
sooner or later, even though I wished he wouldn’t.
We played robber now and then about a month, and then I
resigned. All the boys did. We hadn’t robbed nobody, hadn’t
We played robber every now and then for about a
month, but then I quit. In fact, all the boys quit
killed any people, but only just pretended. We used to hop
out of the woods and go charging down on hog-drivers and
because we hadn’t robbed or killed anybody. We only
pretended. We would jump out of the woods and
women in carts taking garden stuff to market, but we never
hived any of them. Tom Sawyer called the hogs “ingots,”
charge at men herding hogs and women taking
vegetables to the market, but we never hurt any of
and he called the turnips and stuff “julery,” and we would go
to the cave and powwow over what we had done, and how
them. Tom Sawyer called the pigs “ingots,” and he
called the turnips “julery,” and we would go back to the
many people we had killed and marked. But I couldn’t see
no profit in it. One time Tom sent a boy to run about town
cave and talk about what we’d done and how many
people we’d killed and marked. But I didn’t see what
with a blazing stick, which he called a slogan (which was the
sign for the Gang to get together), and then he said he had
good any of it did. One time Tom sent a boy to run
around town with a stick he’d lit on fire as a sign for
got secret news by his spies that next day a whole parcel of
Spanish merchants and rich A-rabs was going to camp in
the Gang to gather. When we got together, he told us
that he’d gotten secret news from his spies that a
Cave Hollow with two hundred elephants, and six hundred
camels, and over a thousand “sumter” mules, all loaded
whole band of Spanish merchants and wealthy Arabs
were coming to town the next day. They were going to
down with di’monds, and they didn’t have only a guard of
four hundred soldiers, and so we would lay in ambuscade,
camp in Cave Hollow with two hundred elephants, six
hundred camels, and more than a thousand mules, all
as he called it, and kill the lot and scoop the things. He said
loaded down with diamonds, and guarded by four
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we must slick up our swords and guns, and get ready. He
never could go after even a turnip-cart but he must have the
hundred solider. We were going to lay in
ambuscade—as he called it—and kill them all and
swords and guns all scoured up for it, though they was only
lath and broomsticks, and you might scour at them till you
then take the loot. He said we had to prepare by
sharpening our swords and loading our guns. He’d
rotted, and then they warn’t worth a mouthful of ashes more
than what they was before. I didn’t believe we could lick
never been able to raid a turnip cart before, yet here
he was saying we needed to get our swords and guns
such a crowd of Spaniards and A-rabs, but I wanted to see
the camels and elephants, so I was on hand next day,
ready, even though our swords and guns were only
wooden laths and broomsticks. You could stare at
Saturday, in the ambuscade; and when we got the word we
rushed out of the woods and down the hill. But there warn’t
them all you wanted, but in the end that’s all they’d
be—laths and broomsticks. I didn’t think we could kill
no Spaniards and A-rabs, and there warn’t no camels nor no
elephants. It warn’t anything but a Sunday-school picnic,
such a large band of Spaniards and Arabs, but I
wanted to see the camels and elephants, so I joined in
and only a primer-class at that. We busted it up, and chased
the children up the hollow; but we never got anything but
the ambuscade the next day, which was a Saturday.
When we got word, we rushed out of the woods and
some doughnuts and jam, though Ben Rogers got a rag doll,
and Jo Harper got a hymn-book and a tract; and then the
down the hill. But there weren’t any Spaniards and
Arabs, and there weren’t any camels or elephants.
teacher charged in, and made us drop everything and cut. I
didn’t see no di’monds, and I told Tom Sawyer so. He said
There was only a picnic of Sunday school kids, and
little kids at that. We broke it up and chased the kids
there was loads of them there, anyway; and he said there
was A-rabs there, too, and elephants and things. I said, why
to the hollow, but we didn’t get anything from them
except some donuts and jam. Ben Rogers got a rag
couldn’t we see them, then? He said if I warn’t so ignorant,
but had read a book called Don Quixote, I would know
doll and Jo Harper got a hymnal and a Bible, but we
had to drop everything and run when the teacher
without asking. He said it was all done by enchantment. He
said there was hundreds of soldiers there, and elephants
came running over. I didn’t see any diamonds, and I
made sure Tom Sawyer knew it. But he said there
and treasure, and so on, but we had enemies which he
called magicians; and they had turned the whole thing into
were tons of them, as well as Arabs and elephants
and stuff. I asked why I couldn’t see them, and he said
an infant Sunday-school, just out of spite. I said, all right;
then the thing for us to do was to go for the magicians. Tom
I wouldn’t have to ask if I weren’t so ignorant and had
read a book called Don Quixote. He said it was all
Sawyer said I was a numskull.
done by magic. He said there were hundreds of
soldiers and elephants and treasure and so on. He
said we’d be able to see it all if our enemies, who
were magicians, hadn’t transformed the whole thing
into a Sunday school picnic, just so they could laugh
at us. So I said, okay, then we should go after the
magicians. Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull.
Chapter 3: Page 2
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Modern Text
“Why,” said he, “a magician could call up a lot of genies, and
“Why, a magician could summon a lot of genies,” he
they would hash you up like nothing before you could say
Jack Robinson. They are as tall as a tree and as big around
said, “and they would carve you up like mincemeat
before you could say Jack Robinson. They’re as tall
as a church.”
as a tree and as big around as a church.”
“Well,” I says, “s’pose we got some genies to help US—can’t
“Well,” I said, “suppose we got some of our own
we lick the other crowd then?”
genies. Wouldn’t we be able to beat the other genies
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then?”
“How you going to get them?”
“How are you going to get any genies?”
“I don’t know. How do THEY get them?”
“I don’t know. How did the magicians get them?”
“Why, they rub an old tin lamp or an iron ring, and then the
“Well, they rub an old tin lamp or an iron ring and then
genies come tearing in, with the thunder and lightning aripping around and the smoke a-rolling, and everything
the genies appear with a bang of thunder and
lightening and smoke. And they have to do everything
they’re told to do they up and do it. They don’t think nothing
of pulling a shot-tower up by the roots, and belting a
they’re told to do. They wouldn’t think twice about
pulling up a whole shot-tower and smacking a Sunday
Sunday-school superintendent over the head with it—or any
other man.”
school teacher or any other man over the head with
it.”
“Who makes them tear around so?”
“Who makes them do such things?”
“Why, whoever rubs the lamp or the ring. They belong to
“Whoever rubs the lamp or ring, that’s who. Whoever
whoever rubs the lamp or the ring, and they’ve got to do
whatever he says. If he tells them to build a palace forty
does the rubbing becomes the person in charge of the
genies, and they have to do whatever he says. If he
miles long out of di’monds, and fill it full of chewing-gum, or
whatever you want, and fetch an emperor’s daughter from
tells them to build a diamond palace that’s forty miles
long and fill it with chewing gum or whatever else you
China for you to marry, they’ve got to do it—and they’ve got
to do it before sun-up next morning, too. And more: they’ve
want and then get you a daughter of the emperor of
China for you to marry, then the genies have got to do
got to waltz that palace around over the country wherever
you want it, you understand.”
it—before sun-up the next day, too. What’s more,
they’ve got to put that palace anywhere you want it.”
“Well,” says I, “I think they are a pack of flat-heads for not
keeping the palace themselves ’stead of fooling them away
“Well,” I said. “I think they’re a bunch of idiots for
giving palaces away like that and not keeping them for
like that. And what’s more—if I was one of them I would see
a man in Jericho before I would drop my business and come
themselves. What’s more, if I were a genie I would
rather put any guy who rubbed my lamp in Jericho
to him for the rubbing of an old tin lamp.”
than have to drop whatever I was doing and come to
him.”
“How you talk, Huck Finn. Why, you’d HAVE to come when
he rubbed it, whether you wanted to or not.”
“Listen to yourself talk, Huck Finn! You’d HAVE to
come when he rubbed your lamp, whether you wanted
to or not.”
“What! and I as high as a tree and as big as a church? All
“Ha! With me as tall as a tree and as big as a church?
right, then; I WOULD come; but I lay I’d make that man
climb the highest tree there was in the country.”
Fine then: I WOULD come if he rubbed the lamp, but
I’d make him climb the highest tree in the whole
country.”
“Shucks, it ain’t no use to talk to you, Huck Finn. You don’t
“Geez, it’s no use talking to you, Huck Finn. You don’t
seem to know anything, somehow—perfect saphead.”
seem to know anything—you’re a perfect moron.”
I thought all this over for two or three days, and then I
I thought about all this for two ro three days, and then
reckoned I would see if there was anything in it. I got an old
tin lamp and an iron ring, and went out in the woods and
I reckoned I would see if there was anything to it. I got
an old tim lamp and an iron ring and went out into the
rubbed and rubbed till I sweat like an Injun, calculating to
build a palace and sell it; but it warn’t no use, none of the
woods and rubbed and rubbed until I was sweating
like an Indian. I figured I could build a palace so that I
genies come. So then I judged that all that stuff was only
could sell it. But it wasn’t any use—none of the genies
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just one of Tom Sawyer’s lies. I reckoned he believed in the
A-rabs and the elephants, but as for me I think different. It
came. I decided that all that stuff about genies was
just more of Tom Sawyer’s lies. I decided he actually
had all the marks of a Sunday-school.
believed in the Arabs and the elephants, but me, I
knew better. It sounded about as real as all that stuff
you learn about in Sunday school.
Chapter 4
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WELL, three or four months run along, and it was well into
Well, three or four months passed, and it was well into
the winter now. I had been to school most all the time and
could spell and read and write just a little, and could say the
winter. I had gone to school most of the time, and by
this point I could spell and read and write a little. I
multiplication table up to six times seven is thirty-five, and I
don’t reckon I could ever get any further than that if I was to
could also say the multiplication table up to six times
seven is thirty-five, but I don’t think I could get any
live forever. I don’t take no stock in mathematics, anyway.
farther than that even if I lived forever. I don’t think
mathematics is that useful anyway.
At first I hated the school, but by and by I got so I could
stand it. Whenever I got uncommon tired I played hookey,
At first I hated school, but after awhile I was able to
stand it. The longer I went to school, the easier it got
and the hiding I got next day done me good and cheered me
up. So the longer I went to school the easier it got to be. I
to be. I played hookey whenever I got bored. The
spanking I got next day would cheer me up and do me
was getting sort of used to the widow’s ways, too, and they
warn’t so raspy on me. Living in a house and sleeping in a
good. I was kind of getting used the widow’s ways,
too, and they didn’t bother me so much. Living in a
bed pulled on me pretty tight mostly, but before the cold
weather I used to slide out and sleep in the woods
house and sleeping in a bed felt confining, but I’d take
breaks from it by sneaking out and sleeping in the
sometimes, and so that was a rest to me. I liked the old
ways best, but I was getting so I liked the new ones, too, a
woods sometimes, at least until winter came. I liked
my old way of living best, but I also liked the new ways
little bit. The widow said I was coming along slow but sure,
and doing very satisfactory. She said she warn’t ashamed of
a little bit. The widow said I was making progress
slowly but surely. She was satisfied and said that she
me.
wasn’t ashamed of me.
One morning I happened to turn over the salt-cellar at
One morning I happened to knock over the salt shaker
breakfast. I reached for some of it as quick as I could to
throw over my left shoulder and keep off the bad luck, but
at breakfast. I reached for some of it as quick as I
could so that I could throw it over my shoulder to keep
Miss Watson was in ahead of me, and crossed me off. She
says, “Take your hands away, Huckleberry; what a mess
off the bad luck. But Miss Watson intercepted my
hand before I could. She said, “Keep your hands
you are always making!” The widow put in a good word for
me, but that warn’t going to keep off the bad luck, I knowed
away, Huckleberry. What a mess you’re always
making!” The widow put in a good word for me, but I
that well enough. I started out, after breakfast, feeling
worried and shaky, and wondering where it was going to fall
knew enough to know that wasn’t enough to keep off
the bad luck. I left the house after breakfast feeling
on me, and what it was going to be. There is ways to keep
off some kinds of bad luck, but this wasn’t one of them kind;
nervous. I wondering when the bad luck would strike
and what it would bring. There are ways to keep some
so I never tried to do anything, but just poked along lowspirited and on the watch-out.
kinds of bad luck away, but this wasn’t one of them.
So I didn’t take any risks, and just continued on my
way, glum but on the lookout.
I went down to the front garden and clumb over the stile
I went down to the garden in the front of the house
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where you go through the high board fence. There was an
inch of new snow on the ground, and I seen somebody’s
and climbed over the gate in the tall fence. There was
an inch of snow on the ground, and I spotted
tracks. They had come up from the quarry and stood around
the stile a while, and then went on around the garden fence.
somebody’s tracks. The person had come up from the
quarry and stood by the gate for awhile before going
It was funny they hadn’t come in, after standing around so. I
couldn’t make it out. It was very curious, somehow. I was
around the garden fence. It was funny that they just
stood there instead of coming in. It was defintely
going to follow around, but I stooped down to look at the
tracks first. I didn’t notice anything at first, but next I did.
strange, and I couldn’t figure it out. I was about to
follow the tracks around the fence, but decided to
There was a cross in the left boot-heel made with big nails,
to keep off the devil.
bend down and inspect them a bit closer. At first I
didn’t notice anything, but then I saw a cross made
with big nails hammered into the left boot-heel to keep
away the devil.
I was up in a second and shinning down the hill. I looked
over my shoulder every now and then, but I didn’t see
I got up quick and sprinted down the hill to Judge
Thatcher’s house as quick as I could. I kept looking
nobody. I was at Judge Thatcher’s as quick as I could get
there. He said:
over my shoulder every now and then, but I didn’t see
anybody. When I got there, Judge Thatcher said:
“Why, my boy, you are all out of breath. Did you come for
your interest?”
“Why you’re all out of breath, my boy. Did you come to
collect some of the interest you’ve made on your
money?”
“No, sir,” I says; “is there some for me?”
“No, sir,” I said. “Is there any?”
“Oh, yes, a half-yearly is in last night—over a hundred and
fifty dollars. Quite a fortune for you. You had better let me
“Oh yes, a half-yearly sum arrived last night. It came
to over a hundred and fifty dollars. That’s quite a
invest it along with your six thousand, because if you take it
you’ll spend it.”
fortune. You had better let me invest it along with your
six thousand, so you don’t go and spend it.”
“No, sir,” I says, “I don’t want to spend it. I don’t want it at
all—nor the six thousand, nuther. I want you to take it; I want
“No, sir,” I said. “I don’t want to spend it. I don’t want
any of it—not the interest or the six thousand. I want
to give it to you—the six thousand and all.”
you to take it. I want to give it all to you.”
He looked surprised. He couldn’t seem to make it out. He
He looked surprised, and didn’t seem to understand.
says:
He said:
“Why, what can you mean, my boy?”
“Why, what do you mean, my boy?”
I says, “Don’t you ask me no questions about it, please.
You’ll take it—won’t you?”
“Don’t ask me any questions about it, please,” I said.
“You’ll take it, though, won’t you?”
He says:
He said:
“Well, I’m puzzled. Is something the matter?”
“Well, I’m confused. Is something wrong?”
“Please take it,” says I, “and don’t ask me nothing—then I
won’t have to tell no lies.”
“Please take it,” I said, “and don’t as me any
questions, because I don’t want to have to lie to you.”
He studied a while, and then he says:
He thought for a moment, then said:
“Oho-o! I think I see. You want to SELL all your property to
“Ah ha! I think I understand. You want to SELL all your
me—not give it. That’s the correct idea.”
property to me, not give it away. That’s what you
Mean”
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Then he wrote something on a paper and read it over, and
says:
Then he wrote something on a piece of paper, looked
it over, and said:
“There; you see it says ’for a consideration.’ That means I
have bought it of you and paid you for it. Here’s a dollar for
“There. You see? It says, ‘for a consideration.’ That
means I have bought your property from you and paid
you. Now you sign it.”
you for it. Here’s a dollar for you. Now you sign it.”
So I signed it, and left.
So I signed it and then left.
Miss Watson’s nigger, Jim, had a hair-ball as big as your
fist, which had been took out of the fourth stomach of an ox,
Miss Watson’s n-----, Jim, had a hairball as big as your
fist. It was taken out of the fourth stomach of an ox.
and he used to do magic with it. He said there was a spirit
inside of it, and it knowed everything. So I went to him that
He used it for doing magic because he said there was
an all-knowing spirit inside of it. So I went to him that
night and told him pap was here again, for I found his tracks
in the snow. What I wanted to know was, what he was going
night and told him pap was back and that I’d seen his
tracks in the snow. I wanted to know what pap was
to do, and was he going to stay? Jim got out his hair-ball
and said something over it, and then he held it up and
going to do and if he was going to stay. Jim got out his
hairball, said something over it. Then he held it up and
dropped it on the floor. It fell pretty solid, and only rolled
about an inch. Jim tried it again, and then another time, and
dropped it on the floor. It fell like a rock and rolled
about an inch. Jim tried it again, and then a third time,
it acted just the same. Jim got down on his knees, and put
his ear against it and listened. But it warn’t no use; he said it
but it did the same thing each time. Jim got down on
his knees and put his ear against it and listened. But it
wouldn’t talk. He said sometimes it wouldn’t talk without
money. I told him I had an old slick counterfeit quarter that
wasn’t any use—he said it wouldn’t talk. He said
sometimes it wouldn’t talk unless you gave it money. I
warn’t no good because the brass showed through the silver
a little, and it wouldn’t pass nohow, even if the brass didn’t
told him I had an old smooth counterfeit quarter that
was worthless because the brass showed through the
show, because it was so slick it felt greasy, and so that
would tell on it every time. (I reckoned I wouldn’t say nothing
silver a little. In fact, it wouldn’t have been good even
if the brass didn’t show because it was so smooth it
about the dollar I got from the judge.) I said it was pretty bad
money, but maybe the hair-ball would take it, because
felt greasy. It would be spotted as a fake if anyone
tried to use it. (I figured I wouldn’t say anything about
maybe it wouldn’t know the difference. Jim smelt it and bit it
and rubbed it, and said he would manage so the hair-ball
the dollar the Judge had given to me.) I said it was a
pretty bad substitute for money, but maybe the hairball
would think it was good. He said he would split open a raw
Irish potato and stick the quarter in between and keep it
would take it without realizing the difference. Jim smelt
it and bit it and rubbed it, and said he’d make it so the
there all night, and next morning you couldn’t see no brass,
and it wouldn’t feel greasy no more, and so anybody in town
hairball would think it was real. He said he would stick
the quarter inside a raw Irish potato for the night. The
would take it in a minute, let alone a hair-ball. Well, I knowed
a potato would do that before, but I had forgot it.
next morning, you wouldn’t be able to see any of the
brass and the greasiness be gone. He said this would
fool anyone in town, let alone a hairball. I knew that I
could have fixed it with a potato—I’d just forgotten.
Jim put the quarter under the hair-ball, and got down and
listened again. This time he said the hair-ball was all right.
Jim put the fake quarter under the hairball and got
down and listened again. This time he said the hairball
He said it would tell my whole fortune if I wanted it to. I says,
go on. So the hair-ball talked to Jim, and Jim told it to me.
was okay and that it would tell me my whole fortune if
I wanted. I told it to go on, so the hairball talked to Jim.
He says:
Then Jim said:
“Yo’ ole father doan’ know yit what he’s a-gwyne to do.
“Your old pap doesn’t know yet what he’s going to do.
Sometimes he spec he’ll go ’way, en den agin he spec he’ll
Sometimes he thinks he’ll go away, but then changes
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stay. De bes’ way is to res’ easy en let de ole man take his
own way. Dey’s two angels hoverin’ roun’ ’bout him. One uv
his mind and thinks he’ll stay. The best thing for you to
do is to relax and let the old man do what he wants.
’em is white en shiny, en t’other one is black. De white one
gits him to go right a little while, den de black one sail in en
There are two angels hovering around him. One of
them is white and shiny and the other is black. The
bust it all up. A body can’t tell yit which one gwyne to fetch
him at de las’. But you is all right. You gwyne to have
white one gets him to do the right thing for awhile, but
then the black one pops up and ruins it. Nobody can
considable trouble in yo’ life, en considable joy. Sometimes
you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick;
tell which one is going to win in the end. But you’ll be
alright. You’re going to have considerable trouble in
but every time you’s gwyne to git well agin. Dey’s two gals
flyin’ ’bout you in yo’ life. One uv ’em’s light en t’other one is
your life and considerable joy. Sometimes you’re
going to get hurt and sometimes you’re going go get
dark. One is rich en t’other is po’. You’s gwyne to marry de
po’ one fust en de rich one by en by. You wants to keep
sick, but everytime you do, you’ll get well again. There
are two women in your life: One of them is light, and
’way fum de water as much as you kin, en don’t run no resk,
’kase it’s down in de bills dat you’s gwyne to git hung.”
the other is dark. One is rich, and the other is poor.
You’re going to marry the poor one first and the rich
one later on. You want to keep away from the water
as much as you can and not take any chances in case
it’s predestined that you’re going to get hanged.”
When I lit my candle and went up to my room that night
When I lit my candle and went up to my room that
there sat pap—his own self!
night, I found a man sitting there—it was pap!
Chapter 5
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Modern Text
I HAD shut the door to. Then I turned around and there he
I had already shut the door when I turned around and
was. I used to be scared of him all the time, he tanned me
so much. I reckoned I was scared now, too; but in a minute I
there he was. I used to be scared of him all the time
because he beat me so much. And I was scared now.
see I was mistaken—that is, after the first jolt, as you may
say, when my breath sort of hitched, he being so
But after a minute, when the first jolt of fear and shock
at seeing him had passed and I had caught my breath,
unexpected; but right away after I see I warn’t scared of him
worth bothring about.
I realized there wasn’t anything to be scared about.
He was most fifty, and he looked it. His hair was long and
tangled and greasy, and hung down, and you could see his
He was nearly fifty years old, and he looked it. His
hair, which hung low, was long and tangled and
eyes shining through like he was behind vines. It was all
black, no gray; so was his long, mixed-up whiskers. There
greasy, and you could see his eyes shining through it
like he was peering through vines. The hair was
warn’t no color in his face, where his face showed; it was
white; not like another man’s white, but a white to make a
completely black without any gray, as was his long
knotted beard. His face, where it showed through all
body sick, a white to make a body’s flesh crawl—a tree-toad
white, a fish-belly white. As for his clothes—just rags, that
the hair, was white—not like other men’s skin, but a
sickening pasty color like the color of a white tree toad
was all. He had one ankle resting on t’other knee; the boot
on that foot was busted, and two of his toes stuck through,
or the underside of a fish. It was enough to make your
skin crawl. As for his clothes, they were just rags. He
and he worked them now and then. His hat was laying on
the floor—an old black slouch with the top caved in, like a
had one leg up with the ankle resting on his knee. The
boot he wore on that foot was broken and you could
lid.
see two toes poking through, which he wiggled a little
bit. His hat—a droopy black hat with the top caved
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in—was lying on the floor.
I stood a-looking at him; he set there a-looking at me, with
I stood there looking at him, and he sat there looking
his chair tilted back a little. I set the candle down. I noticed
the window was up; so he had clumb in by the shed. He
at me as he tilted back in the chair. As I put my candle
down, I noticed that the window was open, which
kept a-looking me all over. By and by he says:
meant he probably got in by climbing up the shed. He
kept looking me up and down until he eventually said:
“Starchy clothes—very. You think you’re a good deal of a
big-bug, DON’T you?”
“Your clothes are all starched. You think you’re pretty
high and might, DON’T you?”
“Maybe I am, maybe I ain’t,” I says.
“Maybe I am, maybe I ain’t,” I said.
“Don’t you give me none o’ your lip,” says he. “You’ve put on
“Don’t you give me any lip,” he said. “You’ve been
considerable many frills since I been away. I’ll take you
down a peg before I get done with you. You’re educated,
putting on airs since I’ve been away. I’ll bring you
down a notch before I get done with you. They say
too, they say—can read and write. You think you’re better’n
your father, now, don’t you, because he can’t? I’LL take it
you’re educated now too, that you can read and write.
You think you’re better than your father now, don’t
out of you. Who told you you might meddle with such
hifalut’n foolishness, hey?—who told you you could?”
you, because he can’t read and write? I’ll teach you a
lesson. Who told you that you could dabble in such
ridiculous nonsense? Who told you, huh?”
“The widow. She told me.”
“The widow. She told me.”
“The widow, hey?—and who told the widow she could put in
her shovel about a thing that ain’t none of her business?”
“The widow, huh? And who told the widow she could
stick her nose in other people’s business?”
“Nobody never told her.”
“Nobody ever told her.”
“Well, I’ll learn her how to meddle. And looky here—you
“Well, I’ll teach her to interfere. And you listen to me—
drop that school, you hear? I’ll learn people to bring up a
boy to put on airs over his own father and let on to be
you stop going to school now, you hear? I’ll teach
them to raise a boy to put on airs over his own father
better’n what HE is. You lemme catch you fooling around
that school again, you hear? Your mother couldn’t read, and
and pretend to be better than what he is. If I catch you
around that school again, you’ll get it. Your mother
she couldn’t write, nuther, before she died. None of the
family couldn’t before THEY died. I can’t; and here you’re a-
couldn’t read or write when she died. And none of the
rest of your family could before they died. I can’t. Yet
swelling yourself up like this. I ain’t the man to stand it—you
hear? Say, lemme hear you read.”
here you are puffing yourself up. I won’t stand for it,
you hear? Now, let me hear you read something.”
I took up a book and begun something about General
Washington and the wars. When I’d read about a half a
I picked up a book and began to read something
about General George Washington and the
minute, he fetched the book a whack with his hand and
knocked it across the house. He says:
Revolutionary War. When I’d read for about thirty
seconds, he hit the book with his hand and knocked it
across the room. He said:
“It’s so. You can do it. I had my doubts when you told me.
“So it’s true. You can read. I didn’t believe you when
Now looky here; you stop that putting on frills. I won’t have
it. I’ll lay for you, my smarty; and if I catch you about that
you told me. Now you listen here—you stop putting on
airs. I won’t have it. I’ll be watching you, smartypants.
school I’ll tan you good. First you know you’ll get religion,
too. I never see such a son.”
And if I catch you around that school again I’ll beat
you good. Next you know you’ll be going to church
too. I never saw such a good-for-nothing son.”
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He took up a little blue and yaller picture of some cows and
a boy, and says:
He picked up a little blue and yellow picture of a boy
and some cows and said:
“What’s this?”
“What’s this?”
“It’s something they give me for learning my lessons good.”
“It’s just something the teachers gave me for learning
my lessons well.”
He tore it up, and says:
He tore it up and said:
“I’ll give you something better—I’ll give you a cowhide.”
“I’ll give you something better—I’ll give you a beating.”
He set there a-mumbling and a-growling a minute, and then
He sat there mumbling and growling for a minute
he says:
before saying:
“AIN’T you a sweet-scented dandy, though? A bed; and
“Ain’t you a sweet smelling little sissy. You’ve got a
bedclothes; and a look’n’-glass; and a piece of carpet on the
floor—and your own father got to sleep with the hogs in the
bed. And sheets. And a mirror and a rug on the floor.
You’ve got all that while your father sleeps with the
tanyard. I never see such a son. I bet I’ll take some o’ these
frills out o’ you before I’m done with you. Why, there ain’t no
pigs in the tanyard. I never saw such a son. I bet I can
beat some of this fanciness out of you before I’m
end to your airs—they say you’re rich. Hey?—how’s that?”
done. And that’s not all. They say you’re rich. How’d
that happen?”
Original Text
Modern Text
“They lie—that’s how.”
“That’s a lie—that’s how it happened.”
“Looky here—mind how you talk to me; I’m a-standing about
all I can stand now—so don’t gimme no sass. I’ve been in
“Now look here—watch how you talk to me. I’ve taken
about all I can take, so don’t sass me. I’ve been in
town two days, and I hain’t heard nothing but about you
bein’ rich. I heard about it away down the river, too. That’s
town only two days, but all I’ve heard about is how
you’ve gotten rich. I heard about it way down the river,
why I come. You git me that money to-morrow—I want it.”
too. That’s why I came back, because I want it. You
get me that money tomorrow.”
“I hain’t got no money.”
“But I ain’t got any money.”
“It’s a lie. Judge Thatcher’s got it. You git it. I want it.”
“That’s a lie. Judge Thatcher’s got it. So you go and
get it, because I want it.”
“I hain’t got no money, I tell you. You ask Judge Thatcher;
“I told you, I ain’t got any money. You ask Judge
he’ll tell you the same.”
Thatcher—he’ll tell you the same thing.”
“All right. I’ll ask him; and I’ll make him pungle, too, or I’ll
“Alright, I’ll ask him. And I’ll make him pay up too, or I’ll
know the reason why. Say, how much you got in your
pocket? I want it.”
find out why. Hey, how much you got in your pocket
right now? I want it.”
“I hain’t got only a dollar, and I want that to—”
“I only got a dollar, and I want that to….”
“It don’t make no difference what you want it for—you just
“I don’t care what you want it for—just give it to me.”
shell it out.”
He took it and bit it to see if it was good, and then he said he
He took it and bit it to see if it was real silver. Then he
was going down town to get some whisky; said he hadn’t
had a drink all day. When he had got out on the shed he put
said he was going down to the town to buy some
whisky because he hadn’t had a drink all day. When
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his head in again, and cussed me for putting on frills and
trying to be better than him; and when I reckoned he was
he’d climbed out the window and was standing on the
shed, he poked his head back in again and swore at
gone he come back and put his head in again, and told me
to mind about that school, because he was going to lay for
me for putting on airs and trying to be better than him.
And just when I thought he’d gone, he came back and
me and lick me if I didn’t drop that.
put his head in again and told me not to go back to
school because he’d be watching and beat me if I
didn’t stop.
Next day he was drunk, and he went to Judge Thatcher’s
Next day he went to Judge Thatcher’s house drunk,
and bullyragged him, and tried to make him give up the
money; but he couldn’t, and then he swore he’d make the
and harassed him and tried to make him pay up the
money. He didn’t have any luck, though, and he swore
law force him.
he’d sue him to make him pay.
The judge and the widow went to law to get the court to take
Judge Thatcher and the widow went to court to take
me away from him and let one of them be my guardian; but
it was a new judge that had just come, and he didn’t know
me away from my father and make one of them my
legal guardian. But the judge in the case was new in
the old man; so he said courts mustn’t interfere and
separate families if they could help it; said he’d druther not
town, and since he didn’t know my old man, he ruled
that the court shouldn’t interfere and break up families
take a child away from its father. So Judge Thatcher and the
widow had to quit on the business.
if they could help it. He said he didn’t want to take a
child away from his father, so Judge Thatcher and the
widow had no choice but to drop the matter.
That pleased the old man till he couldn’t rest. He said he’d
That pleased my old man to no end. He said he’d whip
cowhide me till I was black and blue if I didn’t raise some
money for him. I borrowed three dollars from Judge
me til I was black and blue if I didn’t get some money
for him. I borrowed three dollars from Judge Thatcher.
Thatcher, and pap took it and got drunk, and went a-blowing
around and cussing and whooping and carrying on; and he
Pap took it, got drunk, and went around yelling and
swearing and banging a tin pan all over town until the
kept it up all over town, with a tin pan, till most midnight;
then they jailed him, and next day they had him before court,
police put him in jail around midnight. They kept him
there for a week, but he said he was satisfied. He said
and jailed him again for a week. But he said HE was
satisfied; said he was boss of his son, and he’d make it
he was the boss of his son, and that he’d beat him.
warm for HIM.
When he got out the new judge said he was a-going to
When pap got out of jail, the new judge said he’d
make a man of him. So he took him to his own house, and
dressed him up clean and nice, and had him to breakfast
make a new man out of him. He took pap to his
house, dressed him up in nice clean clothes, and had
and dinner and supper with the family, and was just old pie
to him, so to speak. And after supper he talked to him about
him over for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the
family as if they were old friends. After supper he
temperance and such things till the old man cried, and said
he’d been a fool, and fooled away his life; but now he was a-
talked to pap about temperance and such things til my
old man cried. He said he’d been a fool and had
going to turn over a new leaf and be a man nobody wouldn’t
be ashamed of, and he hoped the judge would help him and
squandered away his entire life. But he said he would
turn over a new leaf and become the kind of man that
not look down on him. The judge said he could hug him for
them words; so he cried, and his wife she cried again; pap
other wouldn’t be ashamed of. He said he hoped the
new judge wouldn’t look down on him, but instead
said he’d been a man that had always been misunderstood
before, and the judge said he believed it. The old man said
would help him. The new judge said he was so proud
he could give pap a hug. He cried too and so did his
that what a man wanted that was down was sympathy, and
the judge said it was so; so they cried again. And when it
wife. Pap said he’d been misunderstood his whole life
and just needed some sympathy. The new judge
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was bedtime the old man rose up and held out his hand, and
says:
believed him, and they cried some more until it was
time for bed and my old man stood up, held out his
hand, and said:
“Look at it, gentlemen and ladies all; take a-hold of it; shake
“Look at my hand, ladies and gentlemen. Take it,
it. There’s a hand that was the hand of a hog; but it ain’t so
no more; it’s the hand of a man that’s started in on a new
shake it. This used to be the hand of a pig, but not any
more. Now it’s the hand of a man that’s begun a new
life, and’ll die before he’ll go back. You mark them words—
don’t forget I said them. It’s a clean hand now; shake it—
life, a man who’ll die before he goes back to his old
ways. You mark my words, and don’t forget that I said
don’t be afeard.”
them. This is a clean hand, now, so don’t be afraid.”
So they shook it, one after the other, all around, and cried.
So they each shook his hand, one after the other, and
The judge’s wife she kissed it. Then the old man he signed a
pledge—made his mark. The judge said it was the holiest
everyone cried. The new judge’s wife even kissed it.
Then my old man made his mark on a pledge. The
time on record, or something like that. Then they tucked the
old man into a beautiful room, which was the spare room,
new judge said this was one of the holiest moments,
or something like that. Then they showed my old man
and in the night some time he got powerful thirsty and clumb
out on to the porch-roof and slid down a stanchion and
to their beautiful spare bedroom. But in the night he
got thirsty for a drink, so he climbed out the window
traded his new coat for a jug of forty-rod, and clumb back
again and had a good old time; and towards daylight he
and onto the roof of the porch, and slid down a
stanchion to the street, where he traded his new coat
crawled out again, drunk as a fiddler, and rolled off the
porch and broke his left arm in two places, and was most
for a jug of moonshine. Then he climbed back into the
room and had a good old time. He crawled out the
froze to death when somebody found him after sun-up. And
when they come to look at that spare room they had to take
window again at dawn and was so drunk that he rolled
off the porch and broke his left arm in two places. He
soundings before they could navigate it.
was unconscious when they found him after sun-up.
When they finally looked in the spare bedroom, they
had a hard time making sense of all the damage he’d
done.
The judge he felt kind of sore. He said he reckoned a body
could reform the old man with a shotgun, maybe, but he
The new judge was angry. He said he guessed the
only way to reform my old man would be with a
didn’t know no other way.
shotgun.
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WELL, pretty soon the old man was up and around again,
Well, pretty soon my old man was up and about again.
and then he went for Judge Thatcher in the courts to make
him give up that money, and he went for me, too, for not
He sued Judge Thatcher for that money. He also went
after me for continuing to go to school. He caught me
stopping school. He catched me a couple of times and
thrashed me, but I went to school just the same, and dodged
a couple times and beat me fiercely, but I continued to
go to school just the same and usually just avoided
him or outrun him most of the time. I didn’t want to go to
school much before, but I reckoned I’d go now to spite pap.
pap or outran him. I didn’t really want to go to school
before, but I figured I’d go now just to spite pap. The
That law trial was a slow business—appeared like they
warn’t ever going to get started on it; so every now and then
lawsuit was slow, and it looked like they were never
going to start the process, so every now and then I’d
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I’d borrow two or three dollars off of the judge for him, to
keep from getting a cowhiding. Every time he got money he
borrow two or three dollars from Judge Thatcher to
keep pap from beating me. Every time he got money,
got drunk; and every time he got drunk he raised Cain
around town; and every time he raised Cain he got jailed.
he’d get drunk, and every time he got drunk, he tore
up the town. And every time he tore up the town, he
He was just suited—this kind of thing was right in his line.
got thrown in jail. This way of life suited him
perfectly—it was right in his line of work.
He got to hanging around the widow’s too much and so she
told him at last that if he didn’t quit using around there she
Pap started hanging around the widow’s house too
much, so she finally told him that if he didn’t stop,
would make trouble for him. Well, WASN’T he mad? He said
he would show who was Huck Finn’s boss. So he watched
she’d make life hard for him. That REALLY got him
mad. He said he would show her who was in charge
out for me one day in the spring, and catched me, and took
me up the river about three mile in a skiff, and crossed over
of Huck Finn. So he watched out for me, and caught
me one Spring day. He took me about three miles
to the Illinois shore where it was woody and there warn’t no
houses but an old log hut in a place where the timber was
upriver in a skiff, and we crossed over into the state of
Illinois. He took me to a secluded old log hut that was
so thick you couldn’t find it if you didn’t know where it was.
hidden away by trees so thick you wouldn’t be able to
find it unless you already knew it was there.
He kept me with him all the time, and I never got a chance
to run off. We lived in that old cabin, and he always locked
Pap kept me with him all the time, so I never got a
chance to run away. We lived in that old cabin, and he
the door and put the key under his head nights. He had a
gun which he had stole, I reckon, and we fished and hunted,
always locked the door and put the key under his
head at night. He had a gun—which he’d stolen, I
and that was what we lived on. Every little while he locked
me in and went down to the store, three miles, to the ferry,
guess—and lived on what we fished and hunted.
Every once in a while he’d lock me in the hut and take
and traded fish and game for whisky, and fetched it home
and got drunk and had a good time, and licked me. The
the ferry down to the store three miles away, where
he’d trade fish and game for whisky. He’d bring it
widow she found out where I was by and by, and she sent a
man over to try to get hold of me; but pap drove him off with
home and get drunk and have a goold old time. And
then he’d beat me. The widow eventually found out
the gun, and it warn’t long after that till I was used to being
where I was, and liked it—all but the cowhide part.
where I was, and she sent a man over to try and bring
me back. Pap drove him off with the gun, though. It
wasn’t long until I’d settled in and gotten used to life
there. I even liked it—except for the being beaten part.
It was kind of lazy and jolly, laying off comfortable all day,
smoking and fishing, and no books nor study. Two months
It was kind of fun and relaxing lounging around all day,
smoking and fishing and not having to read or study.
or more run along, and my clothes got to be all rags and dirt,
and I didn’t see how I’d ever got to like it so well at the
Two months or so passed and my clothes became all
raggedy and dirty. I didn’t understand how I could
widow’s, where you had to wash, and eat on a plate, and
comb up, and go to bed and get up regular, and be forever
have ever liked it so much at the widow’s house,
where you had to wash, eat on a plate, comb your
bothering over a book, and have old Miss Watson pecking at
you all the time. I didn’t want to go back no more. I had
hair, go to bed and get up at regular hours, fuss over
the Bible, and put up with Miss Watson picking on you
stopped cussing, because the widow didn’t like it; but now I
took to it again because pap hadn’t no objections. It was
all the time. I had stopped cussing because the widow
didn’t like it, but I started back up again because pap
pretty good times up in the woods there, take it all around.
didn’t care. All in all, it was pretty easy living in the
woods, and I didn’t want to go back.
But by and by pap got too handy with his hick’ry, and I
couldn’t stand it. I was all over welts. He got to going away
But after awhile pap started beating me more and
more and I couldn’t stand it any more. I had bruises all
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so much, too, and locking me in. Once he locked me in and
was gone three days. It was dreadful lonesome. I judged he
over. He started going away and locking me inside a
lot too. Once he locked me in and was gone for three
had got drowned, and I wasn’t ever going to get out any
more. I was scared. I made up my mind I would fix up some
days, which made me terribly lonely. I thought he’d
drowned, and that I’d never get out of the hut. I was
way to leave there. I had tried to get out of that cabin many
a time, but I couldn’t find no way. There warn’t a window to it
scared, and made up my mind to find some way out. I
had tried to get out of the cabin several times before,
big enough for a dog to get through. I couldn’t get up the
chimbly; it was too narrow. The door was thick, solid oak
but never found a way. The window wasn’t big enough
to fit a dog, and the chimney was too narrow for me to
slabs. Pap was pretty careful not to leave a knife or anything
in the cabin when he was away; I reckon I had hunted the
climb through. And the door was made of thick, solid
slabs of oak. I looked around the place at least a
place over as much as a hundred times; well, I was most all
the time at it, because it was about the only way to put in the
hundred times—it was pretty much the only thing for
me to do—but Pap was careful not to leave a knife or
time. But this time I found something at last; I found an old
rusty wood-saw without any handle; it was laid in between a
anything in the cabin when he was away. But this time
I found something—an old, rusty wood-saw that didn’t
rafter and the clapboards of the roof. I greased it up and
went to work. There was an old horse-blanket nailed against
have a handle. It was lying between one of the rafters
and the clapboards of the roof. I put some grease on
the logs at the far end of the cabin behind the table, to keep
the wind from blowing through the chinks and putting the
the blade and went to work. There was an old saddle
blanket nailed to the wall at the far end of the cabin
candle out. I got under the table and raised the blanket, and
went to work to saw a section of the big bottom log out—big
behind the table to keep the wind from coming in
through the chinks and blowing out the candle. I got
enough to let me through. Well, it was a good long job, but I
was getting towards the end of it when I heard pap’s gun in
under the table, lifted the blanket, and started sawing
a section at the base of the wall big enough for me to
the woods. I got rid of the signs of my work, and dropped the
blanket and hid my saw, and pretty soon pap come in.
crawl through. It took a long time, and when I was
almost done, I heard the sound of pap’s gun firing in
the woods. I covered up my work, lowered the blanket
again, and hid my saw. Pretty soon pap came in.
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Pap warn’t in a good humor—so he was his natural self. He
said he was down town, and everything was going wrong.
Pap wasn’t in a good mood—which meant he was
acting like his normal self. He said he’d gone to town,
His lawyer said he reckoned he would win his lawsuit and
get the money if they ever got started on the trial; but then
and that everything was all messed up. His lawyer
said he thought he’d win the lawsuit and get the
there was ways to put it off a long time, and Judge Thatcher
knowed how to do it. And he said people allowed there’d be
money if the trial ever started, but that Judge Thatcher
knew how to put it off a long time. He also said that
another trial to get me away from him and give me to the
widow for my guardian, and they guessed it would win this
people were saying there was going to be another trial
to try and take me away from pap and make the
time. This shook me up considerable, because I didn’t want
to go back to the widow’s any more and be so cramped up
widow my legal guarden, and that this time it would
actually work. This startled me because I didn’t want
and sivilized, as they called it. Then the old man got to
cussing, and cussed everything and everybody he could
to go back to the widow’s house, where Id’ be so
confined and civilized as they called it. The old man
think of, and then cussed them all over again to make sure
he hadn’t skipped any, and after that he polished off with a
started swearing and cussing everything and
everybody he could think of. Then he cussed them all
kind of a general cuss all round, including a considerable
over again just to make sure he hadn’t forgotten
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parcel of people which he didn’t know the names of, and so
called them what’s-his-name when he got to them, and went
anyone. After that, he finished up with some general
swearing at people whose names he didn’t even
right along with his cussing.
know, saying what’s-his-name and continuing right on
with his cussing.
He said he would like to see the widow get me. He said he
would watch out, and if they tried to come any such game
He said he’d like to see the widow become my
guardian. He said he’d be on the lookout for them and
on him he knowed of a place six or seven mile off to stow
me in, where they might hunt till they dropped and they
would stash me at this secret place six or seven miles
away where they wouldn’t find me no matter how hard
couldn’t find me. That made me pretty uneasy again, but
only for a minute; I reckoned I wouldn’t stay on hand till he
they looked. That made me nervous again, but only
for a minute because I figured that I wouldn’t be
got that chance.
around much longer for him to do that anyway.
The old man made me go to the skiff and fetch the things he
The old man made me go to the skiff to bring the stuff
had got. There was a fifty-pound sack of corn meal, and a
side of bacon, ammunition, and a four-gallon jug of whisky,
he’d gotten in town. There was a fifty-pound sack of
corn meal, a side of bacon, some ammunition, a four-
and an old book and two newspapers for wadding, besides
some tow. I toted up a load, and went back and set down on
gallon jug of whisky, an old book and two newspapers
for wadding, and some tow. I carried a load up to the
the bow of the skiff to rest. I thought it all over, and I
reckoned I would walk off with the gun and some lines, and
cabin, then went back and sat down in the bow to rest.
I thought about it for awhile and reckoned that I’d take
take to the woods when I run away. I guessed I wouldn’t
stay in one place, but just tramp right across the country,
the gun and some fishing line when I ran away into the
woods. I figured I wouldn’t stay in one place, but
mostly night times, and hunt and fish to keep alive, and so
get so far away that the old man nor the widow couldn’t ever
would just walk around the country, mostly at night,
and hunt and fish to stay alive. I’d get so far away that
find me any more. I judged I would saw out and leave that
night if pap got drunk enough, and I reckoned he would. I
neither my old man nor the widow would ever find me
again. I decided that if pap got drunk enough—which I
got so full of it I didn’t notice how long I was staying till the
old man hollered and asked me whether I was asleep or
figured he would—I would finish sawing through the
cabin wall that night. I sat there thinking so long that I
drownded.
didn’t realize how much time had passed until the old
man yelled at me and asked whether I’d fallen asleep
or drowned.
I got the things all up to the cabin, and then it was about
It was almost dark by the time I finished carrying
dark. While I was cooking supper the old man took a swig or
two and got sort of warmed up, and went to ripping again.
everything up to the cabin. While I was cooking
supper, the old man drank a gulp or two of whisky and
He had been drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all
night, and he was a sight to look at. A body would a thought
started cussing again. He had gotten drunk in town
and spent the night in the gutter, which made him look
he was Adam—he was just all mud. Whenever his liquor
begun to work he most always went for the govment, this
awful. You would have though he was Adam because
he was so covered in mud. Almost every time he got
time he says:
drunk, he attacked the government. This time he said:
“Call this a govment! why, just look at it and see what it’s
“They call this a government! Just look at it! The law is
like. Here’s the law a-standing ready to take a man’s son
away from him—a man’s own son, which he has had all the
going to let them take a man’s son away from him—
his own son, which he went to all the trouble and
trouble and all the anxiety and all the expense of raising.
Yes, just as that man has got that son raised at last, and
worry and expense to raise. Just when that son finally
grows up and is ready to work and do something for
ready to go to work and begin to do suthin’ for HIM and give
him a rest, the law up and goes for him. And they call THAT
HIM so that he can relax, the law tries to take him
away. They call that government! That ain’t nothing.
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govment! That ain’t all, nuther. The law backs that old Judge
Thatcher up and helps him to keep me out o’ my property.
The law is backing that old Judge Thatcher and
helping him keep me away from my own property. The
Here’s what the law does: The law takes a man worth six
thousand dollars and up’ards, and jams him into an old trap
law stuffs a man worth more than six thousand dollars
into this old trap of a cabin and lets him wear clothes
of a cabin like this, and lets him go round in clothes that ain’t
fitten for a hog. They call that govment! A man can’t get his
that ain’t fit for a pig. They call that government! A
man doesn’t have any rights under a government like
rights in a govment like this. Sometimes I’ve a mighty notion
to just leave the country for good and all. Yes, and I TOLD
this. Sometimes I just feel like leaving the country
once and for all. And I TOLD them that. I told this right
’em so; I told old Thatcher so to his face. Lots of ’em heard
me, and can tell what I said. Says I, for two cents I’d leave
to Judge Thatcher’s face. Lots of people heard me,
and can vouch for what I said. I said that for two cents
the blamed country and never come a-near it agin. Them’s
the very words. I says look at my hat—if you call it a hat—
I’d leave the damned country and never go near it
again. Those are the very words I used. I told them to
but the lid raises up and the rest of it goes down till it’s
below my chin, and then it ain’t rightly a hat at all, but more
look at my hat, if you can even call it that: The top
raises up and the rest droops down til it’s below my
like my head was shoved up through a jint o’ stove-pipe.
Look at it, says I—such a hat for me to wear—one of the
chin. It’s barely a hat at all anymore, but more like a
piece of stovepipe that my head has been shoved
wealthiest men in this town if I could git my rights.
into. Just look at it, I told them. What a fine hat for one
of the wealthiest men in town to wear—if I could just
get what’s rightfully mine.
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“Oh, yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful. Why, looky
“Oh yes, this government is wonderful, just wonderful.
here. There was a free nigger there from Ohio—a mulatter,
most as white as a white man. He had the whitest shirt on
Just listen to this: There was an elderly free n----- from
Ohio who was the nicest looking grey-haired man in
you ever see, too, and the shiniest hat; and there ain’t a
man in that town that’s got as fine clothes as what he had;
the state. He was a mulatto who looked as white as
any white man. We wore the whitest shirt you’ve ever
and he had a gold watch and chain, and a silver-headed
cane—the awfulest old gray-headed nabob in the State. And
seen and the shiniest hat too. He had a gold watch
and chain and a silver-headed cane. There wasn’t a
what do you think? They said he was a p’fessor in a college,
and could talk all kinds of languages, and knowed
man in town with clothes as fine as his. And do you
know what they said about him? They said he was a
everything. And that ain’t the wust. They said he could
VOTE when he was at home. Well, that let me out. Thinks I,
college professor, who could speak several different
languages and knew everything. But that isn’t the
what is the country a-coming to? It was ’lection day, and I
was just about to go and vote myself if I warn’t too drunk to
worst thing. They said he could VOTE in his home
state. Well that sure pissed me off. What’s this country
get there; but when they told me there was a State in this
country where they’d let that nigger vote, I drawed out. I
coming to, I asked myself. It was election day, and I
would have voted myself, if I hadn’t been too drunk to
says I’ll never vote agin. Them’s the very words I said; they
all heard me; and the country may rot for all me—I’ll never
get to the polls. But when they told me there was a
state in this country where a n----- could vote, I
vote agin as long as I live. And to see the cool way of that
nigger—why, he wouldn’t a give me the road if I hadn’t
stopped dead in my tracks. I said I’d never vote again
as long as I live. Those are the very words I used—
shoved him out o’ the way. I says to the people, why ain’t
this nigger put up at auction and sold?—that’s what I want to
everyone heard it. The country can rot for all I care.
And to see the confident way that n----- acted! He
know. And what do you reckon they said? Why, they said he
wouldn’t have even stepped aside had I shoved him
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couldn’t be sold till he’d been in the State six months, and
he hadn’t been there that long yet. There, now—that’s a
out of my way. I asked everyone why this n----- wasn’t
being put up for auction and sold into slavery? And do
specimen. They call that a govment that can’t sell a free
nigger till he’s been in the State six months. Here’s a
you know what they said? They said he could only be
sold into slavery after he’d been in the state for six
govment that calls itself a govment, and lets on to be a
govment, and thinks it is a govment, and yet’s got to set
months, and he hadn’t been here that long yet. Can
you believe it? That’s some kind of government that
stock-still for six whole months before it can take a hold of a
prowling, thieving, infernal, white-shirted free nigger, and—”
won’t even sell a free n----- til he’s been in the state for
six months. Here you’ve got a government that calls
itself a government and thinks it’s a government and
lets on like it’s a government, yet it refuses to act until
six months have passed before it can grab that
sneaky, thieving, blasted white-shirted free n-----—”
Pap was agoing on so he never noticed where his old limber
legs was taking him to, so he went head over heels over the
Pap went on and on, paying no attention to where he
was walking. Suddenly, he fell head over heels over
tub of salt pork and barked both shins, and the rest of his
speech was all the hottest kind of language—mostly hove at
the tub of salted pork and scraped both shins. Then
he started cussing and swearing at n-----, the
the nigger and the govment, though he give the tub some,
too, all along, here and there. He hopped around the cabin
government, and a little bit at the tub. He held his
shins and hopped around the cabin, first on one leg
considerable, first on one leg and then on the other, holding
first one shin and then the other one, and at last he let out
and then on the other, until he finally gave the tub a
swift kick. But that turned out to be a pretty dumb idea,
with his left foot all of a sudden and fetched the tub a rattling
kick. But it warn’t good judgment, because that was the boot
because the foot he lashed out with was the same one
where his toes stuck out the front of the boot. He let
that had a couple of his toes leaking out of the front end of it;
so now he raised a howl that fairly made a body’s hair raise,
off a hair-raising howl, fell down in the dirt, and rolled
around holding his toes and cussing more ferociously
and down he went in the dirt, and rolled there, and held his
toes; and the cussing he done then laid over anything he
than ever before. He even admitted it later on. He said
that he out-cussed even old Sowberry Hagan in his
had ever done previous. He said so his own self afterwards.
He had heard old Sowberry Hagan in his best days, and he
heydey. But I imagine he was just exaggerating.
said it laid over him, too; but I reckon that was sort of piling it
on, maybe.
After supper pap took the jug, and said he had enough
whisky there for two drunks and one delirium tremens. That
After supper pap took the jug of whisky and said he
had enough to get drunk twice and get the delirium
was always his word. I judged he would be blind drunk in
about an hour, and then I would steal the key, or saw myself
tremens once. That’s the word he always used. I
figured in about an hour he’d be so drunk he’d be
out, one or t’other. He drank and drank, and tumbled down
on his blankets by and by; but luck didn’t run my way. He
blind. This would be my chance to either steal the key
or finish sawing the hole in the wall and crawl out. He
didn’t go sound asleep, but was uneasy. He groaned and
moaned and thrashed around this way and that for a long
drank and drank and eventually tumbled down on to
his blankets. But luck wasn’t with me, since instead of
time. At last I got so sleepy I couldn’t keep my eyes open all
I could do, and so before I knowed what I was about I was
falling sound asleep, he just rolled around
uncomfortably. He groaned and moaned and thrashed
sound asleep, and the candle burning.
around for such a long time that I got sleepy just
waiting for him to sleep. Before I knew it, I’d fallen
sound asleep, and even left the candle burning.
I don’t know how long I was asleep, but all of a sudden there
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was an awful scream and I was up. There was pap looking
wild, and skipping around every which way and yelling about
suddenly heard this awful scream. There was pap
looking crazy, and jumping around everywhere. He
snakes. He said they was crawling up his legs; and then he
would give a jump and scream, and say one had bit him on
was yelling about snakes, saying they were crawling
up his legs. He even said one had bitten him on the
the cheek—but I couldn’t see no snakes. He started and run
round and round the cabin, hollering “Take him off! take him
cheek. I looked around, but I couldn’t see any snakes.
He ran around the cabin screaming, “Get him off! Get
off! he’s biting me on the neck!” I never see a man look so
wild in the eyes. Pretty soon he was all fagged out, and fell
him off! He’s biting me on the neck!” I never saw a
man whose eyes looked so wild and crazy. Pretty
down panting; then he rolled over and over wonderful fast,
kicking things every which way, and striking and grabbing at
soon he’d exhausted himself and fell down panting.
Then he rolled around as fast as lightening, kicking
the air with his hands, and screaming and saying there was
devils a-hold of him. He wore out by and by, and laid still a
things, punching, grabbing at the air with his hands.
He was screaming and saying that devils had gotten
while, moaning. Then he laid stiller, and didn’t make a
sound. I could hear the owls and the wolves away off in the
ahold of him. Pretty soon he’d worn himself out, and
lay still in the corner of the cabin, moaning. Then he
woods, and it seemed terrible still. He was laying over by the
corner. By and by he raised up part way and listened, with
lay perfectly still and didn’t make a sound. I could hear
the owls and the wolves off in the distant woods, and
his head to one side. He says, very low:
everything seemed incredibly still. Soon, though, he
raised himself half way up, cocked his head to one
side as if listening, and said:
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“Tramp—tramp—tramp; that’s the dead; tramp—tramp—
“Stomp, stomp, stomp. That’s the dead. Stomp,
tramp; they’re coming after me; but I won’t go. Oh, they’re
here! don’t touch me—don’t! hands off—they’re cold; let go.
stomp, stomp. They’re coming after me, but I won’t go.
Augh, they’re here! Don’t touch me! Take your cold
Oh, let a poor devil alone!”
hands off me! Just let this poor devil alone!”
Then he went down on all fours and crawled off, begging
Then he got down on all fours and crawled off,
them to let him alone, and he rolled himself up in his blanket
and wallowed in under the old pine table, still a-begging; and
begging his hallucinations to leave him alone. He
rolled himself up in his blanket and curled up under
then he went to crying. I could hear him through the blanket.
the old pine table, begging to be left alone. Then I
could hear him crying through the blanket.
By and by he rolled out and jumped up on his feet looking
wild, and he see me and went for me. He chased me round
Eventually he rolled out from under the table and
jumped up on his feet, looking crazy again. He saw
and round the place with a clasp-knife, calling me the Angel
of Death, and saying he would kill me, and then I couldn’t
me and came after me. He called me the Angel of
Death and chased me around the cabin with a pocket
come for him no more. I begged, and told him I was only
Huck; but he laughed SUCH a screechy laugh, and roared
knife. He was saying he was going to kill me so that I
couldn’t come after him. I begged him to stop and kept
and cussed, and kept on chasing me up. Once when I
turned short and dodged under his arm he made a grab and
saying that it was me, Huck. He just laughed—it was a
high pitched screech—and swore and continued
got me by the jacket between my shoulders, and I thought I
was gone; but I slid out of the jacket quick as lightning, and
chasing me. I stopped suddenly and tried to run under
his arm, but he grabbed my jacket between the
saved myself. Pretty soon he was all tired out, and dropped
down with his back against the door, and said he would rest
shoulders. I thought I was dead, but I slid out of the
jacket fast as lightning, which saved me. Pretty soon
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a minute and then kill me. He put his knife under him, and
said he would sleep and get strong, and then he would see
he was exhausted again, and he dropped down to the
ground with his back against the door. He said he’d
who was who.
rest just a minute and then kill me. He sat on his knife,
said he’d sleep to build up his strength. Then he would
show me who was boss.
So he dozed off pretty soon. By and by I got the old split-
He soon dozed off. After a bit, I pulled the split-bottom
bottom chair and clumb up as easy as I could, not to make
any noise, and got down the gun. I slipped the ramrod down
chair over, climbed on it carefully, so as not to make
any noise, and got the gun. I slipped the ramrod down
it to make sure it was loaded, then I laid it across the turnip
barrel, pointing towards pap, and set down behind it to wait
the barrel to make sure it was loaded. Then I laid it
across a barrel of turnips so that it was pointed at pap.
for him to stir. And how slow and still the time did drag
along.
I sat down behind it and waited for him to wake up.
Time dragged on slowly.
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“GIT up! What you ’bout?”
“Get up! What are you doing?”
I opened my eyes and looked around, trying to make out
I opened my eyes and looked around, trying to figure
where I was. It was after sun-up, and I had been sound
asleep. Pap was standing over me looking sour and sick,
out where I was. The sun had come up, and I had
been sound asleep. Pap was standing over me with a
too. He says:
sour, sick look on his face. He said:
“What you doin’ with this gun?”
“What are you doing with that gun?”
I judged he didn’t know nothing about what he had been
doing, so I says:
I figured that he didn’t remember what he’d done last
night, so I said:
“Somebody tried to get in, so I was laying for him.”
“Somebody tried to break in, so I was waiting for him
to come back.”
“Why didn’t you roust me out?”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“Well, I tried to, but I couldn’t; I couldn’t budge you.”
“Well, I tried to, but I couldn’t because you wouldn’t
budge.”
“Well, all right. Don’t stand there palavering all day, but out
“Well, alright. Don’t stand there babbling away all day.
with you and see if there’s a fish on the lines for breakfast.
I’ll be along in a minute.”
Go outside and see if there’s a fish on the fishing line
that we can eat for breakfast. I’ll be out in a minute.”
He unlocked the door, and I cleared out up the river-bank. I
noticed some pieces of limbs and such things floating down,
He unlocked the door, and I headed out up the
riverbank. I noticed some tree branches and debris
and a sprinkling of bark; so I knowed the river had begun to
rise. I reckoned I would have great times now if I was over at
floating down the river along with a sprinkling of tree
bark, so I knew that the river had begun to rise. I
the town. The June rise used to be always luck for me;
because as soon as that rise begins here comes cordwood
figured I’d be having a lot of fun if I were back in town
righ now. The annual rising of the river every June
floating down, and pieces of log rafts—sometimes a dozen
logs together; so all you have to do is to catch them and sell
was always a time of good luck for me, because of the
cordwood that floats down the river when the water
them to the wood-yards and the sawmill.
begins rising. Sometimes pieces of log rafts made up
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of a dozen logs tied together would float down. I could
catch them and then sell them to the lumber yards and
sawmill.
I went along up the bank with one eye out for pap and
I walked along the bank, keeping one eye out for Pap
t’other one out for what the rise might fetch along. Well, all
at once here comes a canoe; just a beauty, too, about
and the other for anything good that might float by.
Just then, a canoe came floating down. It was a
thirteen or fourteen foot long, riding high like a duck. I shot
head-first off of the bank like a frog, clothes and all on, and
beauty, about thirteen or fourteen feet long with a
shallow draft, like a duck. I jumped—clothes on and
struck out for the canoe. I just expected there’d be
somebody laying down in it, because people often done that
all—head-first off into the water, like a frog, and swam
toward the canoe. I expected there would be
to fool folks, and when a chap had pulled a skiff out most to
it they’d raise up and laugh at him. But it warn’t so this time.
somebody lying down inside it, like people sometimes
do as a prank, waiting for a boat to pull up to them so
It was a drift-canoe sure enough, and I clumb in and
paddled her ashore. Thinks I, the old man will be glad when
that they could pop out and laugh. But that wasn’t the
case this time. Sure enough, it was a canoe, so I
he sees this—she’s worth ten dollars. But when I got to
shore pap wasn’t in sight yet, and as I was running her into
climbed in and paddled it to the shore. My old man will
be glad when he sees this, I thought, because it’s
a little creek like a gully, all hung over with vines and
willows, I struck another idea: I judged I’d hide her good,
worth about ten dollars. I started paddling up a little
side creek, with vines and weeping willow branches
and then, ’stead of taking to the woods when I run off, I’d go
down the river about fifty mile and camp in one place for
hanging overhead. But when I saw that pap hadn’t
arrived, I got another idea. I figured, rather than run off
good, and not have such a rough time tramping on foot.
to the woods where I’d have to go a long way on foot,
I’d hide the canoe, then use it to go down river about
fifty miles and set up a permanent camp far away.
It was pretty close to the shanty, and I thought I heard the
I was pretty close to the cabin, and I kept thinking I
old man coming all the time; but I got her hid; and then I out
and looked around a bunch of willows, and there was the old
heard my old man coming. But I managed to hide the
canoe. When I was done, I peered through the willows
man down the path a piece just drawing a bead on a bird
with his gun. So he hadn’t seen anything.
and saw the old man down the path a little bit, aiming
at a bird with his gun. Great—he hadn’t seen anything.
When he got along I was hard at it taking up a “trot” line. He
abused me a little for being so slow; but I told him I fell in the
When he finally showed up, I was working hard to
make a “trot” line, and he chewed me out a little for
river, and that was what made me so long. I knowed he
would see I was wet, and then he would be asking
having taken so long. I knew he’d start asking
questions when he saw that I was wet, so I told him I’d
questions. We got five catfish off the lines and went home.
fallen in the river. We pulled five catfish off the fishing
lines and then went home.
While we laid off after breakfast to sleep up, both of us being
about wore out, I got to thinking that if I could fix up some
When we both settled down for a nap after
breakfast—we were so worn out. I started thinking that
way to keep pap and the widow from trying to follow me, it
would be a certainer thing than trusting to luck to get far
I should come up with a plan to keep pap and the
widow from looking for me after I ran away. This would
enough off before they missed me; you see, all kinds of
things might happen. Well, I didn’t see no way for a while,
give me more time to get far away before they realized
I was gone. I didn’t want to leave this up to chance,
but by and by pap raised up a minute to drink another barrel
of water, and he says:
since a lot of things could go wrong. I was struggling
with a plan when pap got up to drink another barrel of
water. He said:
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“Another time a man comes a-prowling round here you roust
me out, you hear? That man warn’t here for no good. I’d a
“Next time someone comes prowling around here you
wake me up, okay? That guy from last night wasn’t up
shot him. Next time you roust me out, you hear?”
to any good. I would have shot him. Next time, you
wake me up, okay?”
Then he dropped down and went to sleep again; but what
he had been saying give me the very idea I wanted. I says
Then he lay back down and went to sleep again. What
Pap had said, though, had given me an idea of how to
to myself, I can fix it now so nobody won’t think of following
me.
make it so that no one would think of following me.
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About twelve o’clock we turned out and went along up the
bank. The river was coming up pretty fast, and lots of
Around noon we woke up and went back out along the
riverbank. The river was rising pretty quickly, and lots
driftwood going by on the rise. By and by along comes part
of a log raft—nine logs fast together. We went out with the
of driftwood was floating down. Pretty soon, part of a
log raft made up of nine logs tied together came
skiff and towed it ashore. Then we had dinner. Anybody but
pap would a waited and seen the day through, so as to
floating past. We used the skiff to intercept it and tow
it ashore. Then we ate lunch. If pap were any other
catch more stuff; but that warn’t pap’s style. Nine logs was
enough for one time; he must shove right over to town and
man, he would have waited by the shore to see what
else floated down—but that’s not how pap’s style. He
sell. So he locked me in and took the skiff, and started off
towing the raft about half-past three. I judged he wouldn’t
figured nine logs was enough for one day, and he
needed to head to town right away to sell them.
come back that night. I waited till I reckoned he had got a
good start; then I out with my saw, and went to work on that
Around half-past three he locked me in the cabin, took
the skiff, and towed the raft downstream to town. I
log again. Before he was t’other side of the river I was out of
the hole; him and his raft was just a speck on the water
figured he wouldn’t be back that night. I waited until I
thought he was far enough away, then pulled out the
away off yonder.
saw and finished cutting that hole in the wall. I’d
scurried out before pap had even made it across the
river—he was just a speck way out on the water.
I took the sack of corn meal and took it to where the canoe
I put a sack of cornmeal, a side of bacon, and the
was hid, and shoved the vines and branches apart and put it
in; then I done the same with the side of bacon; then the
whisky jug in the canoe, shoving the vines and
branches aside as did so. I also took all the coffee and
whisky-jug. I took all the coffee and sugar there was, and all
the ammunition; I took the wadding; I took the bucket and
sugar, all the ammunition, the wadding for the gun, the
bucket and the gourd, a dipper and tin cup, the saw,
gourd; I took a dipper and a tin cup, and my old saw and two
blankets, and the skillet and the coffee-pot. I took fish-lines
two blankets, a frying pan, and the coffee pot. I
grabbed some fish lines and matches and everything
and matches and other things—everything that was worth a
cent. I cleaned out the place. I wanted an axe, but there
else that was worth any money. And finally, I put the
gun in the canoe. I cleaned out the place. I wanted to
wasn’t any, only the one out at the woodpile, and I knowed
why I was going to leave that. I fetched out the gun, and
take an axe, but the only one we had was the one
next to the woodpile, and I had a reason for leaving
now I was done.
that behind.
I had wore the ground a good deal crawling out of the hole
I’d worn a pretty clear path in the ground crawling out
and dragging out so many things. So I fixed that as good as
I could from the outside by scattering dust on the place,
of the hole and dragging so many things down to the
canoe, so I fixed it as best I could by scattering dust
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which covered up the smoothness and the sawdust. Then I
fixed the piece of log back into its place, and put two rocks
all over the place. This covered up the sawdust and
the worn dirt. Then I put back the piece of wall that I’d
under it and one against it to hold it there, for it was bent up
at that place and didn’t quite touch ground. If you stood four
cut out, and put two rocks under it one against it, to
hold it up since it didn’t quite touch the ground. When I
or five foot away and didn’t know it was sawed, you wouldn’t
never notice it; and besides, this was the back of the cabin,
finished, you couldn’t even tell there was a hole unless
you already know it was there and were standing
and it warn’t likely anybody would go fooling around there.
about four or five feet away. Besides, the hole was in
the rear of the cabin, and it wasn’t likely that anyone
would go poking around back there.
It was all grass clear to the canoe, so I hadn’t left a track. I
The ground from the cabin and the canoe was
followed around to see. I stood on the bank and looked out
over the river. All safe. So I took the gun and went up a
covered in grass, so I didn’t have to worry about
leaving tracks. I went back to check, though. I stood
piece into the woods, and was hunting around for some
birds when I see a wild pig; hogs soon went wild in them
on the riverbank and looked out. It looked safe, so I
tok the gun and went up into the woods a little bit. I
bottoms after they had got away from the prairie farms. I
shot this fellow and took him into camp.
was hunting around for some birds, when I saw a wild
pig. Hogs would go wild pretty soon after they’d gotten
away from prarie farms. I shot him and took him back
to the cabin.
I took the axe and smashed in the door. I beat it and hacked
it considerable a-doing it. I fetched the pig in, and took him
I took the axe and hacked down the door into pieces. I
brought the pig in, took him to the back of the cabin
back nearly to the table and hacked into his throat with the
axe, and laid him down on the ground to bleed; I say ground
near the table, and cut his throat with the axe. Then I
set him on the ground—I say ground because the floor
because it was ground—hard packed, and no boards. Well,
next I took an old sack and put a lot of big rocks in it—all I
was just hard packed dirt without any boards—to let
the blood drain. Then I took an old sack, placed it next
could drag—and I started it from the pig, and dragged it to
the door and through the woods down to the river and
to the pig, and filled it with as many big rocks as I
could handle. Then I dragged the sack from the pig
dumped it in, and down it sunk, out of sight. You could easy
see that something had been dragged over the ground. I did
across the cabin to the door, through the woods, and
down to the river, where I dumped it and watched it
wish Tom Sawyer was there; I knowed he would take an
interest in this kind of business, and throw in the fancy
sink out of sight. When I was done, you could easily
see that something had been dragged across the
touches. Nobody could spread himself like Tom Sawyer in
such a thing as that.
ground. I wished Tom Sawyer were there because I
knew he’d be interested in my plan and would add the
finishing touches. Nobody was better with those little
details than Tom Sawyer.
Well, last I pulled out some of my hair, and blooded the axe
good, and stuck it on the back side, and slung the axe in the
Finally, I pulled out some of my hair and stuck it to the
back of the axe with some pig blood, then put the axe
corner. Then I took up the pig and held him to my breast
with my jacket (so he couldn’t drip) till I got a good piece
in the corner of the cabin. I picked up the pig, held him
to my chest with my jacket so the blood wouldn’t drip,
below the house and then dumped him into the river. Now I
thought of something else. So I went and got the bag of
and walked down stream a good ways from the house
before dumping it in the river. Then I had another
meal and my old saw out of the canoe, and fetched them to
the house. I took the bag to where it used to stand, and
thought, so I went back to the canoe to grab the bag
of cornmeal and the saw. I took the cornmeal back to
ripped a hole in the bottom of it with the saw, for there warn’t
no knives and forks on the place —pap done everything with
its place in the cabin and used the saw to cut a hole in
the bottom of the sack. I had to use the saw because
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his clasp-knife about the cooking. Then I carried the sack
about a hundred yards across the grass and through the
there weren’t any knives or forks around—pap just
used his pocket knife to do the cooking. Then I carried
willows east of the house, to a shallow lake that was five
mile wide and full of rushes—and ducks too, you might say,
the sack about a hundred yards across the grass and
through the willows east of the house to a shallow
in the season. There was a slough or a creek leading out of
it on the other side that went miles away, I don’t know
lake. The lake was about five miles wide and full of
reeds—ducks, too, when they’re in season. On the
where, but it didn’t go to the river. The meal sifted out and
made a little track all the way to the lake. I dropped pap’s
other side of the lake there was a slough or creek that
lead miles and miles away. I’m not sure where it went,
whetstone there too, so as to look like it had been done by
accident. Then I tied up the rip in the meal sack with a
but it didn’t lead toward the river. The cornmeal spilled
out of the hole I’d cut, and made a little trail all the way
string, so it wouldn’t leak no more, and took it and my saw to
the canoe again.
down to the lake. I dropped pap’s whetstone there too
and made it looked like he’d left it accidentally. Then I
used some string to tie up the hole in the sack so that
it wouldn’t leak any more, and carried it and the saw
back to the canoe.
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It was about dark now; so I dropped the canoe down the
It was almost dark now, so I hid the canoe downriver
river under some willows that hung over the bank, and
waited for the moon to rise. I made fast to a willow; then I
under some willows that hung over the riverbank and
waited for the moon to rise. I huddled up against a
took a bite to eat, and by and by laid down in the canoe to
smoke a pipe and lay out a plan. I says to myself, they’ll
willow and a bit of food. Pretty soon, I lied down in the
canoe to smoke my pipe and finish making my plans.
follow the track of that sackful of rocks to the shore and then
drag the river for me. And they’ll follow that meal track to the
They’ll follow the track made from the sack of rocks to
the shore and then dredge the river looking for me, I
lake and go browsing down the creek that leads out of it to
find the robbers that killed me and took the things. They
said to myself. And they’ll follow that trail of cornmeal
to the lake and go looking up the creek for the robbers
won’t ever hunt the river for anything but my dead carcass.
They’ll soon get tired of that, and won’t bother no more
that killed me and stole all the stuff. They won’t bother
looking in the river except to find my dead body.
about me. All right; I can stop anywhere I want to. Jackson’s
Island is good enough for me; I know that island pretty well,
They’ll get tired of that pretty quickly, and will then
stop looking for me. This is great—I can now go
and nobody ever comes there. And then I can paddle over
to town nights, and slink around and pick up things I want.
anywhere I want. Jackson’s Island will suit me just
fine; I know that island pretty well, and nobody ever
Jackson’s Island’s the place.
goes there. If I lived there, then I could paddle back to
town in the canoe at night and prowl around and take
things that I find. Yep, Jackson Island is the place.
I was pretty tired, and the first thing I knowed I was asleep.
I was pretty tired, and before I knew it, I’d fallen
When I woke up I didn’t know where I was for a minute. I set
up and looked around, a little scared. Then I remembered.
asleep. When I woke up, I didn’t know where I was for
about a minute. I sat up and looked around, feeling a
The river looked miles and miles across. The moon was so
bright I could a counted the drift logs that went a-slipping
little bit scared. Then I remembered. The river looked
like it was miles and miles wide. The moon was
along, black and still, hundreds of yards out from shore.
Everything was dead quiet, and it looked late, and SMELT
shining so brightly that I could have counted the logs
that went drifting by, all black and still and hundreds of
late. You know what I mean—I don’t know the words to put it
yards away from the shore. It was late—everything
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in.
was dead quiet and it looked and even SMELLED like
it was late. I don’t know quite how to put it, but you
know what I mean.
I took a good gap and a stretch, and was just going to
I yawned a big yawn and stretched. I was just going to
unhitch and start when I heard a sound away over the water.
I listened. Pretty soon I made it out. It was that dull kind of a
unhitch the canoe and head out when suddenly I
heard a sound out on the water. I listened, and pretty
regular sound that comes from oars working in rowlocks
when it’s a still night. I peeped out through the willow
soon I heard it again. It was that dull kind of sound
that oars make in the still of the night when they work
branches, and there it was—a skiff, away across the water. I
couldn’t tell how many was in it. It kept a-coming, and when
against the rowlocks of a rowboat. I peered out
through the willow branches, and saw a skiff out on
it was abreast of me I see there warn’t but one man in it.
Think’s I, maybe it’s pap, though I warn’t expecting him. He
the water, though, I couldn’t tell how many people
where in it. It kept coming toward me, and when it had
dropped below me with the current, and by and by he came
a-swinging up shore in the easy water, and he went by so
pulled up near the canoe I could see that there was
only one man in it. Maybe it’s pap, I thought to myself,
close I could a reached out the gun and touched him. Well, it
WAS pap, sure enough—and sober, too, by the way he laid
though I wasn’t expecting him. The man in the boat
floated past me with the current and soon started
his oars.
rowing toward the shore when he was in calmer water.
He went so close past me that I could have reached
out with the gun and touched him. Turns out it WAS
pap—and I could tell that he was sober by the way he
laid his oars in the boat.
I didn’t lose no time. The next minute I was a-spinning down
I didn’t lose any time—the next minute I was paddling
stream soft but quick in the shade of the bank. I made two
mile and a half, and then struck out a quarter of a mile or
down stream in the shade of the riverbank quietly but
quickly. I went about two-and-a-half miles, then
more towards the middle of the river, because pretty soon I
would be passing the ferry landing, and people might see
paddled about a quarter of a mile or so toward the
middle of the river, to avoid the people at the nearby
me and hail me. I got out amongst the driftwood, and then
laid down in the bottom of the canoe and let her float. I laid
ferry landing that might see me and call out. I mixed in
with the driftwood, lay down in the bottom of the
there, and had a good rest and a smoke out of my pipe,
looking away into the sky; not a cloud in it. The sky looks
canoe, and floated downstream. I laid there looking up
at the cloudless sky, relaxing and smoking my pipe. I
ever so deep when you lay down on your back in the
moonshine; I never knowed it before. And how far a body
never knew how deep the sky looks in the moonlight
when you lay down on your back. And I was surprised
can hear on the water such nights! I heard people talking at
the ferry landing. I heard what they said, too—every word of
by how much I could hear out there on the water at
night! I heard people talking at the ferry landing. I
it. One man said it was getting towards the long days and
the short nights now. T’other one said THIS warn’t one of
could hear every word they were saying! One man
said it was getting to be that time of year when the
the short ones, he reckoned—and then they laughed, and
he said it over again, and they laughed again; then they
days are long and the nights are short. Another one
said that he reckoned tonight wasn’t one of the shorter
waked up another fellow and told him, and laughed, but he
didn’t laugh; he ripped out something brisk, and said let him
ones. Then they laughed and said the same thing over
again and laughed again. Then they woke up another
alone. The first fellow said he ’lowed to tell it to his old
woman—she would think it was pretty good; but he said that
guy and said it to him and laughed, but he didn’t laugh
back. He snapped at them and told them to leave him
warn’t nothing to some things he had said in his time. I
heard one man say it was nearly three o’clock, and he
alone. The first guy said he’d tell it to his old lady
because she’d think it was funny, even though it
hoped daylight wouldn’t wait more than about a week
wasn’t nearly as funny as some of the other things
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longer. After that the talk got further and further away, and I
couldn’t make out the words any more; but I could hear the
he’d told her. I heard one man say it was nearly three
o’clock in the morning and that he hoped it’d be light
mumble, and now and then a laugh, too, but it seemed a
long ways off.
soon. After that I drifted farther and farther away and
couldn’t make out any more of the words. I could still
hear the murmer of voices and the laughter every now
and then, but it seemed a long way off.
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I was away below the ferry now. I rose up, and there was
Jackson’s Island, about two mile and a half down stream,
I was pretty far downstream from the ferry now. I sat
up and saw Jackson’s Island rising up out of the
heavy timbered and standing up out of the middle of the
river, big and dark and solid, like a steamboat without any
middle of the river about two-and-a-half miles
downstream. It was big and dark and solid, and
lights. There warn’t any signs of the bar at the head—it was
all under water now.
covered in trees. There weren’t any signs of the
sandbar up ahead because it was all under water
now.
It didn’t take me long to get there. I shot past the head at a
It didn’t take me long to make my way to the island.
ripping rate, the current was so swift, and then I got into the
dead water and landed on the side towards the Illinois
The current was so swift that I quickly shot past the
head of the island. Then I reach the still waters and
shore. I run the canoe into a deep dent in the bank that I
knowed about; I had to part the willow branches to get in;
landed the canoe on the side of the island toward the
Illinois shoreline. I parted the willow branches and ran
and when I made fast nobody could a seen the canoe from
the outside.
the canoe into a deep dent in the riverbank that I knew
about. Nobody could have seen the canoe from the
water once I’d secured it in place.
I went up and set down on a log at the head of the island,
I went up the riverbank, sat down on a log at the head
and looked out on the big river and the black driftwood and
away over to the town, three mile away, where there was
of the island. I looked out over the big river and the
black driftwood, and I could see three or four lights
three or four lights twinkling. A monstrous big lumber-raft
was about a mile up stream, coming along down, with a
twinkling in the town about three miles away. About a
mile upriver I could see a giant log raft with a lantern
lantern in the middle of it. I watched it come creeping down,
and when it was most abreast of where I stood I heard a
in the middle. I watched it float slowly down. When it
was almost directly in front of me I heard a man say,
man say, “Stern oars, there! heave her head to stabboard!” I
heard that just as plain as if the man was by my side.
“Stern oars, there! Turn the boat to starboard!” just as
clearly as if he was standing right next to me.
There was a little gray in the sky now; so I stepped into the
woods, and laid down for a nap before breakfast.
The sky had turned a little bit gray by this time, so I
stepped into the woods and lay down for a nap before
breakfast.
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THE sun was up so high when I waked that I judged it was
When I woke up, the sun was up so high that I figured
after eight o’clock. I laid there in the grass and the cool
it was after eight o’clock in the morning. I lay there in
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shade thinking about things, and feeling rested and ruther
comfortable and satisfied. I could see the sun out at one or
the cool shade and the grass thinking about things. I
was feeling rested and rather comfortable and
two holes, but mostly it was big trees all about, and gloomy
in there amongst them. There was freckled places on the
satisfied. Through one or two holes I could see the
sun, but mostly I just saw big trees all around, and the
ground where the light sifted down through the leaves, and
the freckled places swapped about a little, showing there
gloom in the gaps between them. There were flecks of
light on the ground where the sun shone through the
was a little breeze up there. A couple of squirrels set on a
limb and jabbered at me very friendly.
leaves. The leaves moved around a little bit, which
suggested there was a light breeze blowing. A couple
of squirrels sat on a limb, squeaking at me in a friendly
way.
I was powerful lazy and comfortable—didn’t want to get up
and cook breakfast. Well, I was dozing off again when I
I was awfully lazy and comfortable, and I didn’t want to
get up and cook breakfast. I started dozing off again
thinks I hears a deep sound of “boom!” away up the river. I
rouses up, and rests on my elbow and listens; pretty soon I
when I thought I heard a loud “boom!” farther up the
river. I got up, rested on my elbows, and listened.
hears it again. I hopped up, and went and looked out at a
hole in the leaves, and I see a bunch of smoke laying on the
Pretty soon I heard it again. I hopped up and went to
look through a hole in the leaves. I saw a bunch of
water a long ways up—about abreast the ferry. And there
was the ferryboat full of people floating along down. I
smoke over the water a long ways upriver. If drifted
next to a ferryboat full people that was floating down
knowed what was the matter now. “Boom!” I see the white
smoke squirt out of the ferryboat’s side. You see, they was
the river. I knew what was wrong now. “Boom!” I saw
the white smoke squirt out of the ferry’s side. They
firing cannon over the water, trying to make my carcass
come to the top.
were firing cannon over the water, trying to make my
body rise to the surface.
I was pretty hungry, but it warn’t going to do for me to start a
fire, because they might see the smoke. So I set there and
I was pretty hungry, but it wouldn’t make sense for me
to start a fire since they might see the smoke. So I sat
watched the cannon-smoke and listened to the boom. The
river was a mile wide there, and it always looks pretty on a
there and watched the cannon smoke and listened to
the boom. The river was a mile wide at that point, and
summer morning—so I was having a good enough time
seeing them hunt for my remainders if I only had a bite to
it always looked pretty on a summer morning, so I was
enjoying watching them hunt for my remains. If only I
eat. Well, then I happened to think how they always put
quicksilver in loaves of bread and float them off, because
had a bite to eat. Just then I happened to remember
how people always put quicksilver in loaves of bread
they always go right to the drownded carcass and stop
there. So, says I, I’ll keep a lookout, and if any of them’s
and set them on the water, because they always go
straight to a drowned body and stop. So I told myself
floating around after me I’ll give them a show. I changed to
the Illinois edge of the island to see what luck I could have,
I’d keep a lookout and give them a good show if I see
any loaves floating by. I moved to the Illinois side of
and I warn’t disappointed. A big double loaf come along, and
I most got it with a long stick, but my foot slipped and she
the island to try my luck over there, and I wasn’t
disappointed. A big double loaf came along, and I was
floated out further. Of course I was where the current set in
the closest to the shore—I knowed enough for that. But by
able to use a long stick to pull it toward me. But my
foot slipped, pushing it further away. Of course, I was
and by along comes another one, and this time I won. I took
out the plug and shook out the little dab of quicksilver, and
standing where the current came closest to the
shore—I knew enough to know that. Pretty soon
set my teeth in. It was “baker’s bread"—what the quality eat;
none of your low-down corn-pone.
another one came along, and this time I got it. I took
out the plug, shook out the little dab of quicksilver, and
took a bite. It was “baker’s bread”—the kind of bread
made from wheat that rich people eat. It wasn’t the
cheap stuff, like corn pone, that the poor folk eat.
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I got a good place amongst the leaves, and set there on a
log, munching the bread and watching the ferry-boat, and
I settled down in a good place on a log among the
leaves, munching the bread and watching the ferry. I
very well satisfied. And then something struck me. I says,
now I reckon the widow or the parson or somebody prayed
was feeling pretty good. And then something struck
me. I figured the widow or the parson or someone else
that this bread would find me, and here it has gone and
done it. So there ain’t no doubt but there is something in that
prayed that this bread would find me. And it did. So
there isn’t any doubt that there’s something to prayer;
thing—that is, there’s something in it when a body like the
widow or the parson prays, but it don’t work for me, and I
that is, there’s something to it when a person like the
widow or the parson prays. It doesn’t work for me, and
reckon it don’t work for only just the right kind.
I figure it only works for the right kind of people.
I lit a pipe and had a good long smoke, and went on
I lit a pipe and had a good long smoke and kept on
watching. The ferryboat was floating with the current, and I
allowed I’d have a chance to see who was aboard when she
watching. The ferry was floating with the current, and I
figured it would come so close to where I was sitting,
come along, because she would come in close, where the
bread did. When she’d got pretty well along down towards
just like the bread had, that I’d have a chance to see
who was on board. When it got close, I put out my
me, I put out my pipe and went to where I fished out the
bread, and laid down behind a log on the bank in a little
pipe and went to the spot where I pulled out the bread
and laid down behind a log on the bank in a little open
open place. Where the log forked I could peep through.
place. I could peer through in the spot where the log
forked.
By and by she come along, and she drifted in so close that
they could a run out a plank and walked ashore. Most
Pretty soon the ferry came along. It got so close to me
that they could have extended a plank and walked to
everybody was on the boat. Pap, and Judge Thatcher, and
Bessie Thatcher, and Jo Harper, and Tom Sawyer, and his
shore. Almost everyone I knew was on board: pap,
Judge Thatcher, Bessie Thatcher, Jo Harper, Tom
old Aunt Polly, and Sid and Mary, and plenty more.
Everybody was talking about the murder, but the captain
Sawyer and his old Aunt Polly, Sid and Mary, and
plenty of others. Everyone was talking about the
broke in and says:
murder, until the captain interrupted and said:
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“Look sharp, now; the current sets in the closest here, and
“Look sharp now. The current comes closest to land
maybe he’s washed ashore and got tangled amongst the
brush at the water’s edge. I hope so, anyway.”
here, and maybe he has washed ashore and gotten
tangled among the brush at the water’s edge. I hope
so anyway.”
I didn’t hope so. They all crowded up and leaned over the
I didn’t hope so. They all crowded around and leaned
rails, nearly in my face, and kept still, watching with all their
might. I could see them first-rate, but they couldn’t see me.
over the railing until it seemed like they were right up
in my face. They kept still, looking with all their might. I
Then the captain sung out:
could see them perfectly clearly, but they couldn’t see
me. Then the captain called out:
“Stand away!” and the cannon let off such a blast right
before me that it made me deef with the noise and pretty
“Fire!” The cannon let off such a loud blast right in
front of me that it made me deaf and almost blind with
near blind with the smoke, and I judged I was gone. If they’d
a had some bullets in, I reckon they’d a got the corpse they
noise and smoke. I thought I was a dead man. If
they’d actually put a cannon ball in there, I imagine
was after. Well, I see I warn’t hurt, thanks to goodness. The
they would’ve found the corpse they were looking for.
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boat floated on and went out of sight around the shoulder of
the island. I could hear the booming now and then, further
Well, I saw I wasn’t hurt, thank goodness. The boat
floated on down the river and disappeared around the
and further off, and by and by, after an hour, I didn’t hear it
no more. The island was three mile long. I judged they had
shoulder of the island. I could hear the booming now
and then but it got farther and farther away. After an
got to the foot, and was giving it up. But they didn’t yet a
while. They turned around the foot of the island and started
hour or so I couldn’t hear it any more. The island was
three miles long, and I’d figured they’d reached the
up the channel on the Missouri side, under steam, and
booming once in a while as they went. I crossed over to that
foot of it and had given up the search. But, no, they
continued for awhile longer. They turned around the
side and watched them. When they got abreast the head of
the island they quit shooting and dropped over to the
foot of the island and used steam power to move up
the channel on the Missouri side of the river. They
Missouri shore and went home to the town.
boomed once in a while as they went. I crossed over
to that side and watched them. When they reached
the head of the isand, they stopped shooting and went
over to the Missouri shore to head back to town.
I knowed I was all right now. Nobody else would come ahunting after me. I got my traps out of the canoe and made
I knew I was all right now—no one would be coming
looking for me any more. I got my traps out of the
me a nice camp in the thick woods. I made a kind of a tent
out of my blankets to put my things under so the rain
canoe and made a nice little camp in the thick woods.
I used my blankets to fashion a makeshift tent to put
couldn’t get at them. I catched a catfish and haggled him
open with my saw, and towards sundown I started my camp
my things under so that the rain wouldn’t get them
wet. I caught a catfish and cut it open with my saw.
fire and had supper. Then I set out a line to catch some fish
for breakfast.
Toward sundown, I lit my campfire and had supper.
Then I set up a fishing line to catch some fish for
breakfast.
When it was dark I set by my camp fire smoking, and feeling
When it got dark, I sat by my campfire smoking and
pretty well satisfied; but by and by it got sort of lonesome,
and so I went and set on the bank and listened to the
feeling pretty good about things. But pretty soon I got
kind of lonely, so I went and sat on the bank and
current swashing along, and counted the stars and drift logs
and rafts that come down, and then went to bed; there ain’t
listened to the sound of the current. I counted the
stars and the driftwood and rafts that floated down the
no better way to put in time when you are lonesome; you
can’t stay so, you soon get over it.
river. Then I went to bed. There’s no better way of
passing time when you’re lonely than going to bed.
You can’t stay lonely when you’re sleeping, so the
feeling soon passes.
And so for three days and nights. No difference—just the
same thing. But the next day I went exploring around down
Three days and nights passed this way. Nothing
changed—everything stayed the same. On the fourth
through the island. I was boss of it; it all belonged to me, so
to say, and I wanted to know all about it; but mainly I wanted
day I explored the island. I was boss of the island—it
all belonged to me, so to speak, and I wanted to know
to put in the time. I found plenty strawberries, ripe and
prime; and green summer grapes, and green razberries; and
all about it. Mainly, I just wanted to kill some time. I
found plenty of ripe strawberries. I also found green
the green blackberries was just beginning to show. They
would all come handy by and by, I judged.
summer grapes. The green raspberries and
blackberries were just beginning to show, and I figured
they’d ripened soon so I could eat them.
Well, I went fooling along in the deep woods till I judged I
I wandered around in the deep woods until I figured I
warn’t far from the foot of the island. I had my gun along, but
I hadn’t shot nothing; it was for protection; thought I would
wasn’t too far from the foot of the island. I had my gun
with me, but I hadn’t shot anything—I kept it for
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kill some game nigh home. About this time I mighty near
stepped on a good-sized snake, and it went sliding off
protection. Maybe I’d kill some game on the way
home. Around this time I almost stepped on a good-
through the grass and flowers, and I after it, trying to get a
shot at it. I clipped along, and all of a sudden I bounded right
sized snake. It went sliding off through the grass and
flowers, and I chased after it, trying to get a shot at it. I
on to the ashes of a camp fire that was still smoking.
ran along until all of a sudden I came to the ashes of a
campfire that were still smoking.
My heart jumped up amongst my lungs. I never waited for to
look further, but uncocked my gun and went sneaking back
My heart jump up into my lungs. I didn’t hesitate a
moment, but uncocked my gun and backtracked on
on my tiptoes as fast as ever I could. Every now and then I
stopped a second amongst the thick leaves and listened, but
my tiptoes as fast as I could. Every now and then I
stopped briefly among the thick leaves and listened,
my breath come so hard I couldn’t hear nothing else. I slunk
along another piece further, then listened again; and so on,
but I was breathing so hard that I couldn’t hear
anything else. I slunk a little ways further, then
and so on. If I see a stump, I took it for a man; if I trod on a
stick and broke it, it made me feel like a person had cut one
listened again. I did this again and again. If I saw a
stump, I thought it was a man. If I stepped on a stick
of my breaths in two and I only got half, and the short half,
too.
and broke it, I lost my breath. I felt like someone had
chopped my breath into two uneven pieces and given
me the short half.
When I got to camp I warn’t feeling very brash, there warn’t
I wasn’t feeling too good about the situation when I got
much sand in my craw; but I says, this ain’t no time to be
fooling around. So I got all my traps into my canoe again so
back to my camp. I wasn’t panicking, but I figured this
wasn’t the time to take any chances. So I got all my
as to have them out of sight, and I put out the fire and
scattered the ashes around to look like an old last year’s
traps into my canoe and made sure they were hidden.
I put out the fire and scattered the ashes around to
camp, and then clumb a tree.
make it look like the remains of an old camp. Then I
climbed a tree.
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I reckon I was up in the tree two hours; but I didn’t see
nothing, I didn’t hear nothing—I only THOUGHT I heard and
I bet I was up in that tree for two hours. I didn’t see or
hear anything, but I THOUGHT I saw and heard about
seen as much as a thousand things. Well, I couldn’t stay up
there forever; so at last I got down, but I kept in the thick
a thousand different things. I figured I couldn’t stay up
there forever, so I finally got down, but I stayed in the
woods and on the lookout all the time. All I could get to eat
was berries and what was left over from breakfast.
thick woods and kept a close watch all the time. All I
had to eat were berries and what was left over from
breakfast.
By the time it was night I was pretty hungry. So when it was
I was pretty hungry by nightfall. So before moonrise,
good and dark I slid out from shore before moonrise and
paddled over to the Illinois bank—about a quarter of a mile. I
when it was still really dark, I slid the canoe out from
shore and paddled about a quarter of a mile over to
went out in the woods and cooked a supper, and I had about
made up my mind I would stay there all night when I hear a
the Illinois bank. I went out in the woods and cooked
supper. I’d almost made up my mind to stay there for
PLUNKETY-PLUNK, PLUNKETY-PLUNK, and says to
myself, horses coming; and next I hear people’s voices. I got
the night when I heard a PLUNKETY-PLUNK,
PLUNKETY-PLUNK sound. Horses are coming, I said
everything into the canoe as quick as I could, and then went
creeping through the woods to see what I could find out. I
to myself, and then I heard people’s voices. I got
everything into the canoe as fast as I could, and then
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hadn’t got far when I hear a man say:
crept through the woods to see what was going on. I
hadn’t gotten far when I heard a man say:
“We better camp here if we can find a good place; the
horses is about beat out. Let’s look around.”
“We better camp here if we can find a good place. The
horses are pretty much beat. Let’s look around.”
I didn’t wait, but shoved out and paddled away easy. I tied
up in the old place, and reckoned I would sleep in the
I didn’t wait, but shoved off and paddled away. I tied
the canoe up back in the old place on the island, and
canoe.
reckoned I’d just sleep in it.
I didn’t sleep much. I couldn’t, somehow, for thinking. And
I didn’t sleep much. I couldn’t because I was thinking
every time I waked up I thought somebody had me by the
neck. So the sleep didn’t do me no good. By and by I says
so much. And every time I woke up I thought someone
had be by the neck. So the sleep wasn’t very sound.
to myself, I can’t live this way; I’m a-going to find out who it
is that’s here on the island with me; I’ll find it out or bust.
Pretty soon I told myself that I couldn’t live this way
any more. I told myself that I’d find out who was on the
Well, I felt better right off.
island with me. Well, that made me feel better right
away.
So I took my paddle and slid out from shore just a step or
two, and then let the canoe drop along down amongst the
So I took my paddle and slid out from shore just a step
or two, then let the canoe drop down among the
shadows. The moon was shining, and outside of the
shadows it made it most as light as day. I poked along well
shadows. The moon was shining, and outside the
shadows it made everything almost as bright as day. I
on to an hour, everything still as rocks and sound asleep.
Well, by this time I was most down to the foot of the island.
drifted along for about an hour. Everything was
deathly still and quiet. By this time I’d reach the foot of
A little ripply, cool breeze begun to blow, and that was as
good as saying the night was about done. I give her a turn
the island. A cool, fluttering breeze began to blow,
which told me that the night was just about over. I
with the paddle and brung her nose to shore; then I got my
gun and slipped out and into the edge of the woods. I sat
paddled the canoe toward the shore. Then I got out
my gun and slipped out of the canoe and toward the
down there on a log, and looked out through the leaves. I
see the moon go off watch, and the darkness begin to
edge of the woods. I sat down on a log and looked
through the leaves. I saw the moon set and darkness
blanket the river. But in a little while I see a pale streak over
the treetops, and knowed the day was coming. So I took my
blanket the river. It wasn’t too long before I saw a pale
streak of light over the tree tops. I knew the day was
gun and slipped off towards where I had run across that
camp fire, stopping every minute or two to listen. But I hadn’t
coming, so I took my gun and headed toward the
campfire I’d seen before, stopping every minute or two
no luck somehow; I couldn’t seem to find the place. But by
and by, sure enough, I catched a glimpse of fire away
to listen. I wasn’t having any luck finding the place.
Pretty soon, though, I caught a glimpse of a fire far off
through the trees. I went for it, cautious and slow. By and by
I was close enough to have a look, and there laid a man on
through the trees. I went toward it, cautiously and
slowly. Eventually I was close enough to be able to
the ground. It most give me the fantods. He had a blanket
around his head, and his head was nearly in the fire. I set
look around, and I saw a man on the ground. I almost
had a fit. The man had a blanket around his head,
there behind a clump of bushes in about six foot of him, and
kept my eyes on him steady. It was getting gray daylight
which was almost resting in the fire. I sat there behind
a clump of bushes about six feet away from him, and
now. Pretty soon he gapped and stretched himself and hove
off the blanket, and it was Miss Watson’s Jim! I bet I was
didn’t take my eyes off him. The sky was turning grey
with daylight now. Pretty soon he yawned and
glad to see him. I says:
stretched and shoved off the blanket. It was Miss
Watson’s slave Jim! I was sure glad to see it was him!
I said:
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“Hello, Jim!” and skipped out.
“Hello, Jim!” and jumped out from my hiding place in
the bushes.
He bounced up and stared at me wild. Then he drops down
on his knees, and puts his hands together and says:
He jumped up and stared at me wildly. Then he
dropped down to his knees, put his hands together,
and said:
“Doan’ hurt me—don’t! I hain’t ever done no harm to a
“Don’t hurt me! Don’t! I’ve never harmed a ghost. I’ve
ghos’. I alwuz liked dead people, en done all I could for ’em.
You go en git in de river agin, whah you b’longs, en doan’ do
always liked dead people, and done all I could for
them. You go and get in the river where you belong,
nuffn to Ole Jim, ’at ’uz awluz yo’ fren’.”
and don’t do nothing to Ol’ Jim, who was always your
friend.”
Well, I warn’t long making him understand I warn’t dead. I
was ever so glad to see Jim. I warn’t lonesome now. I told
Well, it didn’t take long to mke him see I wasn’t dead. I
was so glad to see him—now I wouldn’t be lonely. I
him I warn’t afraid of HIM telling the people where I was. I
talked along, but he only set there and looked at me; never
told him I wasn’t afraid of HIM telling everyone where I
was. I talked quite a while, but he only sat there
said nothing. Then I says:
looking at me without saying anything. I said:
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“It’s good daylight. Le’s get breakfast. Make up your camp
“It’s full daylight now. Let’s get breakfast. Why don’t
fire good.”
you get the fire going again?”
“What’s de use er makin’ up de camp fire to cook strawbries
“What’s the use making up a campfire to cook
en sich truck? But you got a gun, hain’t you? Den we kin git
sumfn better den strawbries.”
strawberries and the like? You have a gun, don't you?
If you had a gun, we could get something better than
strawberries.”
“Strawberries and such truck,” I says. “Is that what you live
“Stawberries and stuff,” I repeated. “Is that what you
on?”
live on?”
“I couldn’ git nuffn else,” he says.
“I couldn’t get anything else,” he said.
“Why, how long you been on the island, Jim?”
“Why, how long have you been on the island, Jim?”
“I come heah de night arter you’s killed.”
“I came here the night after you were killed.”
“What, all that time?”
“What? You’ve been here all that time?”
“Yes—indeedy.”
“Yes indeed.”
“And ain’t you had nothing but that kind of rubbage to eat?”
“And you haven’t had anything to eat but that kind of
junk?”
“No, sah—nuffn else.”
“No sir, nothing else.”
“Well, you must be most starved, ain’t you?”
“Well, you must be almost starved then, aren’t you?”
“I reck’n I could eat a hoss. I think I could. How long you ben
on de islan’?”
“I bet I could eat a horse. I really could. How long have
you been on the island?”
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“Since the night I got killed.”
“Since the night I got killed.”
“No! W’y, what has you lived on? But you got a gun. Oh,
“No! What have you been eating? Oh, but you have a
yes, you got a gun. Dat’s good. Now you kill sumfn en I’ll
make up de fire.”
gun. Yep, you have a gun. That’s good. Now you go
and kill something, and I’ll cook it up on the fire.”
So we went over to where the canoe was, and while he built
a fire in a grassy open place amongst the trees, I fetched
So we went over to where the canoe was, and while
he built a fire in a grassy opening among the trees, I
meal and bacon and coffee, and coffee-pot and frying-pan,
and sugar and tin cups, and the nigger was set back
pulled out some cornmeal, bacon, and coffee. I also
grabbed the coffee pot, the frying pan, sugar, and tin
considerable, because he reckoned it was all done with
witchcraft. I catched a good big catfish, too, and Jim cleaned
cups. Jim was amazed, since he thought I’d gotten all
that stuff through magic. I caught a nice big catfish,
him with his knife, and fried him.
and Jim cleaned it with his knife before frying it.
When breakfast was ready we lolled on the grass and eat it
When breakfast was ready, we lounged on the grass
smoking hot. Jim laid it in with all his might, for he was most
about starved. Then when we had got pretty well stuffed, we
and ate it while it was still smoking hot. Since Jim was
half-starved, he set to eating with all his might. Once
laid off and lazied. By and by Jim says:
we were stuffed, he lazed about. Eventually, Jim said:
“But looky here, Huck, who wuz it dat ’uz killed in dat shanty
“But look here, Huck. If you weren’t killed in the
ef it warn’t you?”
shanty, then who was?”
Then I told him the whole thing, and he said it was smart. He
I told him the whole story, and he said it was pretty
said Tom Sawyer couldn’t get up no better plan than what I
had. Then I says:
smart. He said Tom Sawyer couldn’t have come up
with a better plan than that. Then I said:
“How do you come to be here, Jim, and how’d you get
here?”
“Why are you here, Jim? And how’d you get here?”
He looked pretty uneasy, and didn’t say nothing for a
minute. Then he says:
He looked pretty uncomfortable, and didn’t say
anything for a minute. Then he said:
“Maybe I better not tell.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”
“Why, Jim?”
“Why, Jim?”
“Well, dey’s reasons. But you wouldn’ tell on me ef I uz to
tell you, would you, Huck?”
“Well, I have my reasons. But you wouldn’t tell on me
if I were to tell you, would you, Huck?
“Blamed if I would, Jim.”
“I’ll be damned if I would, Jim.”
“Well, I b’lieve you, Huck. I—I RUN OFF.”
“Well, I believe you, Huck. I… I ran away.”
“Jim!”
“Jim!”
“But mind, you said you wouldn’ tell—you know you said you
“But remember, you said you wouldn’t tell! You know
wouldn’ tell, Huck.”
you said you wouldn’t tell, Huck.”
“Well, I did. I said I wouldn’t, and I’ll stick to it. Honest
“That’s right, I did say that. I said I wouldn’t, and I’ll
INJUN, I will. People would call me a low-down Abolitionist
and despise me for keeping mum—but that don’t make no
keep my word. Honest to God, I will. People would call
me a low-down abolitionist and despise me for not
difference. I ain’t a-going to tell, and I ain’t a-going back
there, anyways. So, now, le’s know all about it.”
telling, but I don’t care. I’m not going to tell. Besides,
I’m not going back home either. So, now, tell me all
about it.
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“Well, you see, it ’uz dis way. Ole missus—dat’s Miss
Watson—she pecks on me all de time, en treats me pooty
Well, it happened like this. Old Missus—I mean, Miss
Watson—picks on me all the time and treats me pretty
rough, but she awluz said she wouldn’ sell me down to
Orleans. But I noticed dey wuz a nigger trader roun’ de
rough, but she always said she wouldn’t sell me down
to New Orleans. But then I noticed that there was a n--
place considable lately, en I begin to git oneasy. Well, one
night I creeps to de do’ pooty late, en de do’ warn’t quite
--- trader hanging around the house a lot, and I began
to worry. Well, late one night, I crept to the door, which
shet, en I hear old missus tell de widder she gwyne to sell
me down to Orleans, but she didn’ want to, but she could git
wasn’t quite shut, and I heard old missus tell the
widow that she was going to sell me down to New
eight hund’d dollars for me, en it ’uz sich a big stack o’
money she couldn’ resis’. De widder she try to git her to say
Orleans. She didn’t want to, but she said she could
get eight hundred dollars for me, which was too much
she wouldn’ do it, but I never waited to hear de res’. I lit out
mighty quick, I tell you.
money that to resist. The widow tried to talk her out of
it, but I didn’t wait around to hear the rest. I ran away
pretty fast, I tell you.
“I tuck out en shin down de hill, en ’spec to steal a skift ’long
“I booked it down the hill, expecting to steal a skiff
de sho’ som’ers ’bove de town, but dey wuz people a-stirring
yit, so I hid in de ole tumble-down cooper-shop on de bank
along the shore somewhere above town. But there
were people around, so I hid inn the old cooper’s shop
to wait for everybody to go ’way. Well, I wuz dah all night.
Dey wuz somebody roun’ all de time. ’Long ’bout six in de
on the bank and waited for everyone to leave. Well,
since there was always someone around, I stayed
mawnin’ skifts begin to go by, en ’bout eight er nine every
skift dat went ’long wuz talkin’ ’bout how yo’ pap come over
there all night. Skiffs began to go by starting around
about six in the morning, and by about eight or nine,
to de town en say you’s killed. Dese las’ skifts wuz full o’
ladies en genlmen a-goin’ over for to see de place.
everyone was buzzing about how your pap had come
to town saying you’d been killed. These last skiffs
Sometimes dey’d pull up at de sho’ en take a res’ b’fo’ dey
started acrost, so by de talk I got to know all ’bout de killin’. I
were full of ladies and gentlemen headed over to see
the murder scene. Sometimes they’d pull ashore to
’uz powerful sorry you’s killed, Huck, but I ain’t no mo’ now.
rest before starting across the river. Through their
conversation I learned all about the murder. I was
really sorry to hear you’d been killed, Huck, but I’m not
anymore.
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“I laid dah under de shavin’s all day. I ’uz hungry, but I
warn’t afeard; bekase I knowed ole missus en de widder
“I lay under the wood shavings all day. I was hungry,
but I wasn’t afraid. I knew the old missus and the
wuz goin’ to start to de camp-meet’n’ right arter breakfas’ en
be gone all day, en dey knows I goes off wid de cattle ’bout
widow were heading to a camp meeting right after
breakfast and would be gone all day. They know that I
daylight, so dey wouldn’ ’spec to see me roun’ de place, en
so dey wouldn’ miss me tell arter dark in de evenin’. De
take the cattle out at around sunrise, so they wouldn’t
expect to see me around. They wouldn’t miss me until
yuther servants wouldn’ miss me, kase dey’d shin out en
take holiday soon as de ole folks ’uz out’n de way.
nightfall. The other servants wouldn’t miss me
because they take the day off whenever the widow
and missus leave.
“Well, when it come dark I tuck out up de river road, en went
“Well, when it got dark, I snuck up the river road and
’bout two mile er more to whah dey warn’t no houses. I’d
made up my mine ’bout what I’s agwyne to do. You see, ef I
went about two miles or more to where there weren’t
any houses. I’d made up my mind about what I was
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kep’ on tryin’ to git away afoot, de dogs ’ud track me; ef I
stole a skift to cross over, dey’d miss dat skift, you see, en
going to do. You see, if I kept trying to run away on
foot, the dogs would track me down. But if I stole a
dey’d know ’bout whah I’d lan’ on de yuther side, en whah to
pick up my track. So I says, a raff is what I’s arter; it doan’
skiff to cross the river, they’d miss the skiff and would
know I’d landed on the other side. Then they would be
MAKE no track.
able to pick up my tracks. So, I said to myself, I need a
raft because it won’t leave ANY tracks.
“I see a light a-comin’ roun’ de p’int bymeby, so I wade’ in en
shove’ a log ahead o’ me en swum more’n half way acrost
“Pretty soon I saw light coming around the point, so I
waded out into the river and shoved a log ahead of me
de river, en got in ’mongst de drift-wood, en kep’ my head
down low, en kinder swum agin de current tell de raff come
to help me swim. I swam more than halfway across
the river, so I could mix in with the driftwood. I kept my
along. Den I swum to de stern uv it en tuck a-holt. It clouded
up en ’uz pooty dark for a little while. So I clumb up en laid
head down low and swam against the current until a
raft came along. I swam to the back of it and grabbed
down on de planks. De men ’uz all ’way yonder in de middle,
whah de lantern wuz. De river wuz a-risin’, en dey wuz a
hold. It got really dark and cloudy for awhile, but I
climbed on board and laid down on the planks. There
good current; so I reck’n’d ’at by fo’ in de mawnin’ I’d be
twenty-five mile down de river, en den I’d slip in jis b’fo’
were men on board, but they were over by the lantern
in the middle of the raft. The river was rising and there
daylight en swim asho’, en take to de woods on de Illinois
side.
was a good current, so I figured I’d be about twentyfive miles down the river by about four in the morning.
Then I’d slip back into the water just before daylight
and swim ashore to hide in the woods on the Illinois
side of the river.”
“But I didn’ have no luck. When we ’uz mos’ down to de
“But I didn’t have any luck. When we were almost at
head er de islan’ a man begin to come aft wid de lantern, I
see it warn’t no use fer to wait, so I slid overboard en struck
the head of the island, a man with a lantern began to
walk toward the back of the raft. I saw that it wasn’t
out fer de islan’. Well, I had a notion I could lan’ mos’
anywhers, but I couldn’t—bank too bluff. I ’uz mos’ to de foot
any use to wait, so I slid overboard and started
swimming toward the island. I thought I could land
er de islan’ b’fo’ I found’ a good place. I went into de woods
en jedged I wouldn’ fool wid raffs no mo’, long as dey move
anywhere, but it turned out the bank was too steep. I
was almost to the foot of the island before I found a
de lantern roun’ so. I had my pipe en a plug er dog-leg, en
some matches in my cap, en dey warn’t wet, so I ’uz all
good place. I went into the wood and decided not to
bother with rafts any more because of the men with
right.”
lanterns. I had my pipe and some tobacco and
matches in my cap. They weren’t wet, so I was okay.”
“And so you ain’t had no meat nor bread to eat all this time?
Why didn’t you get mud-turkles?”
“So all this time you haven’t had any meat or bread to
eat? Why didn’t you get some mud turtles?”
“How you gwyne to git ’m? You can’t slip up on um en grab
um; en how’s a body gwyne to hit um wid a rock? How could
“How was I supposed to get them? You can’t sneak
up on them and grab them. And what was I going to
a body do it in de night? En I warn’t gwyne to show mysef
on de bank in de daytime.”
hit them with? A rock? How could anyone do that at
night? I wasn’t about to show myself on the bank in
the daytime.”
“Well, that’s so. You’ve had to keep in the woods all the
“Well, that’s true. You’ve had to stay in the woods this
time, of course. Did you hear ’em shooting the cannon?”
whole time, of course. Did you hear them shooting the
cannon?”
“Oh, yes. I knowed dey was arter you. I see um go by
“Oh yes. I knew they were looking for you. I saw them
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heah—watched um thoo de bushes.”
go by here—I watched them through the bushes.”
Some young birds come along, flying a yard or two at a time
Some young birds came along and flew in stints about
and lighting. Jim said it was a sign it was going to rain. He
said it was a sign when young chickens flew that way, and
a yard or two before landing on branches. Jim said
this was a sign that it was going to rain. He said it was
so he reckoned it was the same way when young birds done
it. I was going to catch some of them, but Jim wouldn’t let
a sign when young chickens flew that way, and he
figured it was the same was true for young birds. I was
me. He said it was death. He said his father laid mighty sick
once, and some of them catched a bird, and his old granny
going to catch some of them, but Jim wouldn’t let me.
He said it would only bring death. He said his father
said his father would die, and he did.
had been really sick once. After some people caught a
few birds, Jim’s granny said his father would die and
he did.
And Jim said you mustn’t count the things you are going to
Jim also said if was bad luck to count the things that
cook for dinner, because that would bring bad luck. The
same if you shook the table-cloth after sundown. And he
you are going to cook for dinner. The same thing
would happen if you shook out the tablecloth after
said if a man owned a beehive and that man died, the bees
must be told about it before sun-up next morning, or else the
sundown. And he said that if a man who owned a
beehive died, the bees had to be told about it before
bees would all weaken down and quit work and die. Jim said
bees wouldn’t sting idiots; but I didn’t believe that, because I
sun up the next morning. Otherwise the bees would
be so weak that they would quit work and die. Jim said
had tried them lots of times myself, and they wouldn’t sting
me.
bees wouldn’t sting idiots, but I didn’t believe that
because I’d played around with bees lots of times and
they never stung me.
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I had heard about some of these things before, but not all of
I’d heard some of these superstitions before, but not
them. Jim knowed all kinds of signs. He said he knowed
most everything. I said it looked to me like all the signs was
all of them. Jim knew about all kinds of signs. He said
he knew almost all of them. I said it seemed to me that
about bad luck, and so I asked him if there warn’t any goodluck signs. He says:
all the signs were about bad luck, so I asked him if
there were any good luck signs. He said:
“Mighty few—an’ DEY ain’t no use to a body. What you want
to know when good luck’s a-comin’ for? Want to keep it off?”
“Only a few—but they aren’t much use to anyone.
Why would you want to know when good luck’s
And he said: “Ef you’s got hairy arms en a hairy breas’, it’s a
sign dat you’s agwyne to be rich. Well, dey’s some use in a
coming? So you can keep it away?” Then he said: “If
you’ve got hairy arms and a hairy chest, it’s a sign that
sign like dat, ’kase it’s so fur ahead. You see, maybe you’s
got to be po’ a long time fust, en so you might git
you’re going to be rich. Well, there is some use in a
sign like that because it gives you a glimpse into the
discourage’ en kill yo’sef ’f you didn’ know by de sign dat
you gwyne to be rich bymeby.”
distant future. Then you’d know that you were going to
be rich even if you had to be poor for a while at first. It
might keep you from getting discouraged and killing
yourself.”
“Have you got hairy arms and a hairy breast, Jim?”
“Do you have hairy arms and a hairy chest, Jim?”
“What’s de use to ax dat question? Don’t you see I has?”
“Why ask that question? Can’t you see that I do?”
“Well, are you rich?”
“Well, are you rich?”
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“No, but I ben rich wunst, and gwyne to be rich agin. Wunst I
had foteen dollars, but I tuck to specalat’n’, en got busted
“No, but I was rich once, and I’m going to be rich
again. Once I had fourteen dollars. But I lost it all on
out.”
bad investments.”
“What did you speculate in, Jim?”
“What did you invest in, Jim?”
“Well, fust I tackled stock.”
“Well, first I bought some stock.”
“What kind of stock?”
“What kind of stock?”
“Why, live stock—cattle, you know. I put ten dollars in a cow.
But I ain’ gwyne to resk no mo’ money in stock. De cow up
“Livestock—cattle. I invested ten dollars in a cow. But
I’m not going to risk any more money in stock. The
’n’ died on my han’s.”
cow up and died before it went to market.”
“So you lost the ten dollars.”
“So you lost the ten dollars?”
“No, I didn’t lose it all. I on’y los’ ’bout nine of it. I sole de
hide en taller for a dollar en ten cents.”
“No, I didn’t lose it all. I only lost about nine of it. I sold
the hide and tail for a dollar and ten cents.”
“You had five dollars and ten cents left. Did you speculate
any more?”
“So you have five dollars and ten cents left. Did you
invest any more after that?”
“Yes. You know that one-laigged nigger dat b’longs to old
Misto Bradish? Well, he sot up a bank, en say anybody dat
“Yes. You know that one-legged n----- that belongs to
old Mister Bradish? Well, he set up his own bank and
put in a dollar would git fo’ dollars mo’ at de en’ er de year.
Well, all de niggers went in, but dey didn’t have much. I wuz
said anyone that invested a dollar would get back four
dollars more at the end of the year. Well, all the n------
de on’y one dat had much. So I stuck out for mo’ dan fo’
dollars, en I said ’f I didn’ git it I’d start a bank mysef. Well, o’
put their money in the bank, even though they didn’t
have much. I was the only one that had a lot. So I held
course dat nigger want’ to keep me out er de business,
bekase he says dey warn’t business ’nough for two banks,
out for a better interest rate than four dollars and said
I’d start my own bank if he didn’t give me more. Of
so he say I could put in my five dollars en he pay me thirtyfive at de en’ er de year.
course, that n----- wanted to keep me out of business
because he said there wasn’t enough business for two
banks. He said if I put in my five he’d pay me thirty-five
dollars at the end of the year.
“So I done it. Den I reck’n’d I’d inves’ de thirty-five dollars
right off en keep things a-movin’. Dey wuz a nigger name’
“So I did. Then I figured I’d invest the thirty-five dollars
initially to keep things moving. There was a n-----
Bob, dat had ketched a wood-flat, en his marster didn’ know
it; en I bought it off’n him en told him to take de thirty-five
named Bob that had caught a wooden flat in the river
without his master’s knowledge. I bought it off him and
dollars when de en’ er de year come; but somebody stole de
wood-flat dat night, en nex day de one-laigged nigger say de
told him I’d give him thirty-five dollars at the end of the
year. But someone stole the flat that night, and the
bank’s busted. So dey didn’ none uv us git no money.”
next day the one-legged n----- said the bank had gone
bust. So none of us got our money back.”
“What did you do with the ten cents, Jim?”
“So what did you do with the remaining ten cents,
Jim?”
“Well, I ’uz gwyne to spen’ it, but I had a dream, en de
dream tole me to give it to a nigger name’ Balum—Balum’s
“Well, I was going to spend it, but I had a dream that
told me to give it to a n----- named Balum. His
Ass dey call him for short; he’s one er dem chuckleheads,
you know. But he’s lucky, dey say, en I see I warn’t lucky.
nickname was Balum’s Ass, because he’s a
chucklehead, you know. But they say he’s lucky, and I
De dream say let Balum inves’ de ten cents en he’d make a
knew I certainly wasn’t lucky. The dream said to let
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raise for me. Well, Balum he tuck de money, en when he
wuz in church he hear de preacher say dat whoever give to
Balum invest the ten cents for me so that I could make
a profit. Well, Balum had heard a preacher in church
de po’ len’ to de Lord, en boun’ to git his money back a
hund’d times. So Balum he tuck en give de ten cents to de
who said that whoever gave money to the poor was
lending to the Lord and was bound to get his money
po’, en laid low to see what wuz gwyne to come of it.”
back a hundred times over. So he donated the ten
cents and then waited to see what would happen.”
“Well, what did come of it, Jim?”
“And what happened, Jim?”
“Nuffn never come of it. I couldn’ manage to k’leck dat
“Nothing. I couldn’t manage to collect that money, and
money no way; en Balum he couldn’. I ain’ gwyne to len’ no
mo’ money ’dout I see de security. Boun’ to git yo’ money
neither could Balum. I’m never going to lend money
unless I’m sure it’s safe. Bound to get your money
back a hund’d times, de preacher says! Ef I could git de ten
CENTS back, I’d call it squah, en be glad er de chanst.”
back a hundred times, the preacher said! If I could get
ten CENTS back, I’d call us even and would be glad of
it.”
“Well, it’s all right anyway, Jim, long as you’re going to be
“Well, it’s okay anyway, Jim, as long as you’re going to
rich again some time or other.”
be rich again at some point.”
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“Yes; en I’s rich now, come to look at it. I owns mysef, en I’s
“Yes. And I’m rich now when I think about it. I own
wuth eight hund’d dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn’
want no mo’.”
myself, and I’m worth eight hundred dollars. I wish I
had the money. Then I wouldn’t ever want anything
else.
Chapter 9
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I WANTED to go and look at a place right about the middle
I wanted to go and look at a spot in the middle of the
of the island that I’d found when I was exploring; so we
started and soon got to it, because the island was only three
island that I’d found while exploring. We set out and,
since the island was only three miles long and a
miles long and a quarter of a mile wide.
quarter of a mile wide, we got to it in no time.
This place was a tolerable long, steep hill or ridge about
This place I wanted to go back to was a long, steep
forty foot high. We had a rough time getting to the top, the
sides was so steep and the bushes so thick. We tramped
hill or ridge that was about forty feet tall. We had a
tough time climbing to the top because the sides were
and clumb around all over it, and by and by found a good
big cavern in the rock, most up to the top on the side
so steep and the bushes so thick. We hiked and
climbed all over it until we found a large cave in the
towards Illinois. The cavern was as big as two or three
rooms bunched together, and Jim could stand up straight in
rocks at the top on the side that faces toward Illinois.
The cave was about the size of two or three rooms,
it. It was cool in there. Jim was for putting our traps in there
right away, but I said we didn’t want to be climbing up and
and Jim could stand up straight in it. The temperature
was cool inside. Jim wanted to put our traps in there
down there all the time.
right away, but I said we didn’t want to be climbing up
and down the hill all the time.
Jim said if we had the canoe hid in a good place, and had all
Jim said that if we hid the canoe well and put all the
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the traps in the cavern, we could rush there if anybody was
to come to the island, and they would never find us without
traps in the cave, we could hide there if anyone came
to the island. No one would ever find us unless they
dogs. And, besides, he said them little birds had said it was
going to rain, and did I want the things to get wet?
had dogs. Besides, he reminded me that those little
birds had said it was going to rain and asked if I
wanted everything to get wet.
So we went back and got the canoe, and paddled up
So we went back and got the canoe and paddled to a
abreast the cavern, and lugged all the traps up there. Then
we hunted up a place close by to hide the canoe in,
spot below the cave. Then we lugged all the traps up.
Then we looked for a place in the willows nearby
amongst the thick willows. We took some fish off of the lines
and set them again, and begun to get ready for dinner.
where we could hide the canoe. We took some fish off
the fishing lines, baited the lines again, and started to
get ready for dinner.
The door of the cavern was big enough to roll a hogshead
The door of the cave was big enough to roll a
in, and on one side of the door the floor stuck out a little bit,
and was flat and a good place to build a fire on. So we built
hogshead in. The floor stuck out a little bit on one side
of the door. It was flat and made a good place to build
it there and cooked dinner.
a fire on, so we built it there and cooked dinner.
We spread the blankets inside for a carpet, and eat our
We spread the blankets inside the cave to use as a
dinner in there. We put all the other things handy at the back
of the cavern. Pretty soon it darkened up, and begun to
carpet and ate our dinner in there. We put everything
else in the back of the cave where we could get to it
thunder and lighten; so the birds was right about it. Directly it
begun to rain, and it rained like all fury, too, and I never see
easily. Pretty soon it got dark and began to thunder
and lightning. It was a real summer storm. So I guess
the wind blow so. It was one of these regular summer
storms. It would get so dark that it looked all blue-black
the birds were right. Then it began to rain furiously. I’d
never seen the wind blow so hard. It got so dark that it
outside, and lovely; and the rain would thrash along by so
thick that the trees off a little ways looked dim and spider-
looked all blue-black outside. It was lovely in a way.
The rain would thrash along so heavy that the trees a
webby; and here would come a blast of wind that would
bend the trees down and turn up the pale underside of the
little way off in the distance looked dim and the
branches like spider webs. A blast of wind would
leaves; and then a perfect ripper of a gust would follow
along and set the branches to tossing their arms as if they
come that would bend the trees down, exposing the
pale underside of the leaves. And then an enormous
was just wild; and next, when it was just about the bluest
and blackest—FST! it was as bright as glory, and you’d
gust of wind would follow and stir up the branches so
that the trees looked like they were waving their arms
have a little glimpse of tree-tops a-plunging about away off
yonder in the storm, hundreds of yards further than you
wildly. And then, just when the sky was bluest and
blackest—bang! It would be as bright as if the
could see before; dark as sin again in a second, and now
you’d hear the thunder let go with an awful crash, and then
heavens opened up, and you’d catch a glimpse of the
tree tops falling down in the storm way off in the
go rumbling, grumbling, tumbling, down the sky towards the
under side of the world, like rolling empty barrels down
distance, hundreds of yards further than you coul see
before. In another second, it’d be dark as hell, and
stairs—where it’s long stairs and they bounce a good deal,
you know.
you’d hear the thunder clap with an awful crash before
rumbling, grumbling, and tumbling all the way from the
sky to the underside of the world. It sounded like
barrels rolling and bouncing down a long flight of
stairs.
“Jim, this is nice,” I says. “I wouldn’t want to be nowhere
“Jim, this is nice,” I said. “I don’t want to be anywhere
else but here. Pass me along another hunk of fish and some
hot corn-bread.”
else but here. Pass me another hunk of fish and some
hot cornbread.”
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“Well, you wouldn’t a ben here ’f it hadn’t a ben for Jim.
You’d a ben down dah in de woods widout any dinner, en
“Well, you wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for Jim.
You’d have been down in the woods without any
gittn’ mos’ drownded, too; dat you would, honey. Chickens
knows when it’s gwyne to rain, en so do de birds, chile.”
dinner and getting soaked, too. Yep, you sure would,
man. Chickens know when it’s going to rain and so do
the birds, kid.”
The river went on raising and raising for ten or twelve days,
The river kept rising for ten or twelve days until it had
till at last it was over the banks. The water was three or four
foot deep on the island in the low places and on the Illinois
finally flowed over the banks. The water was three or
four feet deep on the lower parts of the island and on
bottom. On that side it was a good many miles wide, but on
the Missouri side it was the same old distance across—a
the Illinois side of the island. It was several miles wide
on the Illinois side, but it was the same distance
half a mile—because the Missouri shore was just a wall of
high bluffs.
across as it normally was on the Missouri side—about
half a mile—because the Missouri shore was nothing
but high bluffs.
Daytimes we paddled all over the island in the canoe. It was
During the day we paddled all over the flooded island
mighty cool and shady in the deep woods, even if the sun
was blazing outside. We went winding in and out amongst
in the canoe. It was pretty cool and shady in the deep
woods, even when the sun was blazing. We’d paddled
the trees, and sometimes the vines hung so thick we had to
back away and go some other way. Well, on every old
in and out among the trees. Sometimes the vines
were so thick that we had to back up and find another
broken-down tree you could see rabbits and snakes and
such things; and when the island had been overflowed a day
route. You could see rabbits and snakes and other
animals on every old, broken down tree. When the
or two they got so tame, on account of being hungry, that
you could paddle right up and put your hand on them if you
island had been flooded for a day or two, hunger
would make the animals so tame that you could
wanted to; but not the snakes and turtles—they would slide
off in the water. The ridge our cavern was in was full of
paddle right up to them and put your hand on them if
you wanted too. Well, not the snakes and turtles—
them. We could a had pets enough if we’d wanted them.
they’d just slide off into the water. The ridge our cave
was in was full of them. We could have had tons of
pets if we’d wanted them.
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One night we catched a little section of a lumber raft—nice
pine planks. It was twelve foot wide and about fifteen or
One night we caught a small portion of a log raft made
out of some fine pine planks. It was twelve feet wide
sixteen foot long, and the top stood above water six or
seven inches—a solid, level floor. We could see saw-logs go
and about fifteen or sixteen feet long, and the top rose
above the water about six or seven inches to make a
by in the daylight sometimes, but we let them go; we didn’t
show ourselves in daylight.
solid, level floor. We could see boards like these float
by sometimes during the day, but we’d let them go
because we didn’t ever show ourselves in the daylight.
Another night when we was up at the head of the island, just
Another night when we were up at the head of the
before daylight, here comes a frame-house down, on the
west side. She was a two-story, and tilted over considerable.
island just before dawn, a frame house came floating
down the river on the west side of the island. It was a
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We paddled out and got aboard—clumb in at an upstairs
window. But it was too dark to see yet, so we made the
two-story house that was tilted over to one side. We
paddled out to it and climbed in through an upstairs
canoe fast and set in her to wait for daylight.
window. But it was still too dark to see anything, so we
hid the canoe and sat inside to wait for daylight.
The light begun to come before we got to the foot of the
island. Then we looked in at the window. We could make out
Daylight began to creep in before we reached the foot
of the island. We looked in through one window and
a bed, and a table, and two old chairs, and lots of things
around about on the floor, and there was clothes hanging
could make out a bed, a table, two old chairs, some
clothes hanging against the wall, and lots of things
against the wall. There was something laying on the floor in
the far corner that looked like a man. So Jim says:
scattered on the floor. There was something that
looked like a man lying on the floor in the far corner.
Jim said:
“Hello, you!”
“Hello there!”
But it didn’t budge. So I hollered again, and then Jim says:
But it didn’t budge. So I yelled again, and then Jim
said:
“De man ain’t asleep—he’s dead. You hold still—I’ll go en
see.”
“That man isn’t asleep—he’s dead. You hold the
canoe still, and I’ll go and see.”
He went, and bent down and looked, and says:
He went over to the man, bend down and looked, and
said:
“It’s a dead man. Yes, indeedy; naked, too. He’s ben shot in
de back. I reck’n he’s ben dead two er three days. Come in,
“It’s a dead man. Yes, indeed. He’s naked too. He’s
been shot in the back. I reckon he’s been dead two or
Huck, but doan’ look at his face—it’s too gashly.”
three days. Come on in, Huck, but don’t look at his
face—it’s too ghastly.”
I didn’t look at him at all. Jim throwed some old rags over
him, but he needn’t done it; I didn’t want to see him. There
I didn’t look at the man at all. Jim threw some old rags
over him, but he didn’t need to because I didn’t want
was heaps of old greasy cards scattered around over the
floor, and old whisky bottles, and a couple of masks made
to see him. There were piles of old, greasy cards
scattered all over the floor along with old whisky
out of black cloth; and all over the walls was the ignorantest
kind of words and pictures made with charcoal. There was
bottles and a couple of masks made out of black cloth.
And the stupidest kinds of words and pictures were
two old dirty calico dresses, and a sun-bonnet, and some
women’s underclothes hanging against the wall, and some
written all over the walls in charcoal. There were two
old, dirty calico dresses, a sun bonnet, and some
men’s clothing, too. We put the lot into the canoe—it might
come good. There was a boy’s old speckled straw hat on
women’s underclothes hanging against the wall along
with some men’s clothing. We put all of this stuff into
the floor; I took that, too. And there was a bottle that had
had milk in it, and it had a rag stopper for a baby to suck.
the canoe, since it might come in handy. There was a
boy’s old speckled straw hat on the floor, and I tookt
We would a took the bottle, but it was broke. There was a
seedy old chest, and an old hair trunk with the hinges broke.
hat too. There was a rag stopper for a baby to suck
and a bottle that had once had milk in it, which we
They stood open, but there warn’t nothing left in them that
was any account. The way things was scattered about we
would have taken had it not been broken. There was
also a worn out old chest and and old hair trunk with
reckoned the people left in a hurry, and warn’t fixed so as to
carry off most of their stuff.
broken hinges. They stood open, but there wasn’t
anything of value left in them. The way everything was
scattered around made us think that the people had
left in a hurry and were unable to take most of their
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stuff.
We got an old tin lantern, and a butcher-knife without any
We got an old tin lantern, a butcher knife that didn’t
handle, and a bran-new Barlow knife worth two bits in any
store, and a lot of tallow candles, and a tin candlestick, and
have a handle, some tallow candles, a tin candlestick,
a hatchet, some nails, a fishline as thick as my little
a gourd, and a tin cup, and a ratty old bedquilt off the bed,
and a reticule with needles and pins and beeswax and
finger that had some giant fishhooks on it, a roll of
buckskin, a leather dog collar, a horseshoe, some
buttons and thread and all such truck in it, and a hatchet and
some nails, and a fishline as thick as my little finger with
vials of unlabeled medicine, a gourd, a tin cup, a ratty
old bed quilt off the bed, and a brand new Barlow
some monstrous hooks on it, and a roll of buckskin, and a
leather dog-collar, and a horseshoe, and some vials of
pocket knife that would sell for twenty-five cents at any
store. We also got a handbag that had needles, pins,
medicine that didn’t have no label on them; and just as we
was leaving I found a tolerable good curry-comb, and Jim he
beeswax, buttons, thread, and a bunch of other stuff in
it. And just as we were leaving I found a good curry-
found a ratty old fiddle-bow, and a wooden leg. The straps
was broke off of it, but, barring that, it was a good enough
comb, and Jim found a ratty old bow-fiddle and a
wooden leg. The straps were broken off it, but other
leg, though it was too long for me and not long enough for
Jim, and we couldn’t find the other one, though we hunted
than that, it was a decent leg even though it was too
long for me and not long enough for Jim. We looked
all around.
all over the place, but we couldn’t find the other one.
And so, take it all around, we made a good haul. When we
All in all, we made a good haul. By the time we were
was ready to shove off we was a quarter of a mile below the
island, and it was pretty broad day; so I made Jim lay down
ready to shove off, we had floated a quarter of a mile
below the island. It was a fairly clear day, so I made
in the canoe and cover up with the quilt, because if he set
up people could tell he was a nigger a good ways off. I
Jim lie down in the canoe, underneath the quilt.
People would notice that he was a n----- if he were
paddled over to the Illinois shore, and drifted down most a
half a mile doing it. I crept up the dead water under the
sitting up. I paddled over to the Illinois shore and
drifted downstream about a half a mile in the process.
bank, and hadn’t no accidents and didn’t see nobody. We
got home all safe.
I paddled slowly through the still water under the
riverbank. I didn’t get into any accidents or see
anybody. We got home safe.
Chapter 10
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AFTER breakfast I wanted to talk about the dead man and
After breakfast I wanted to talk about the dead man, to
guess out how he come to be killed, but Jim didn’t want to.
He said it would fetch bad luck; and besides, he said, he
figure out how he had gotten killed. But Jim didn’t
want to talk about it. He said it would bring bad luck.
might come and ha’nt us; he said a man that warn’t buried
was more likely to go a-ha’nting around than one that was
Besides, he said, the dead man might come and
haunt us. He said that a man that hadn’t been buried
planted and comfortable. That sounded pretty reasonable,
so I didn’t say no more; but I couldn’t keep from studying
was more likely to haunt people than one that was
planted comfortably in the ground. That sounded
over it and wishing I knowed who shot the man, and what
they done it for.
reasonable, so I kept quiet about it. Still, I couldn’t
help but think it over and wish I knew who had shot
the man and why.
We rummaged the clothes we’d got, and found eight dollars
We rummaged through the clothes we’d gotten and
in silver sewed up in the lining of an old blanket overcoat.
Jim said he reckoned the people in that house stole the
found eight dollars in silver coins sewn up in the lining
of an old blanket overcoat. Jim said he figured the
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coat, because if they’d a knowed the money was there they
wouldn’t a left it. I said I reckoned they killed him, too; but
people in that house had stolen the coat because they
wouldn’t have left it behind if they knew there was
Jim didn’t want to talk about that. I says:
money in it. I said I figured they killed the dead man
too, but Jim didn’t want to talk about that. I said:
“Now you think it’s bad luck; but what did you say when I
fetched in the snake-skin that I found on the top of the ridge
“Now you think it’s bad luck. But what did you say
when I brought in the snakeskin that I found on the top
day before yesterday? You said it was the worst bad luck in
the world to touch a snake-skin with my hands. Well, here’s
of the ridge the day before yesterday? You said it was
the worst luck in the world to touch a snakeskin with
your bad luck! We’ve raked in all this truck and eight dollars
besides. I wish we could have some bad luck like this every
my hands. Well, here’s your bad luck! We’ve raked in
all this loot and an extra eight dollars to go with it. I
day, Jim.”
wish we could have had some bad luck like this every
day, Jim.”
“Never you mind, honey, never you mind. Don’t you git too
peart. It’s a-comin’. Mind I tell you, it’s a-comin’.”
“Nevermind, honey, nevermind. Don’t get all worked
up. The bad luck is coming, mind you. It’s coming.”
It did come, too. It was a Tuesday that we had that talk.
Well, after dinner Friday we was laying around in the grass
It did come. It was Tuesday when we had that
conversation. Well, after dinner on Friday we were
at the upper end of the ridge, and got out of tobacco. I went
to the cavern to get some, and found a rattlesnake in there. I
lying around in the grass at the upper end of the ridge
and we ran out of tobacco. I went to the cave to get
killed him, and curled him up on the foot of Jim’s blanket,
ever so natural, thinking there’d be some fun when Jim
some more and I found a rattlesnake inside. I killed it
and curled him up at the foot of Jim’s blanket. I made
found him there. Well, by night I forgot all about the snake,
and when Jim flung himself down on the blanket while I
it look like it was alive, thinking it would make a good
prank to play on Jim. Well, by night I had forgotten all
struck a light the snake’s mate was there, and bit him.
about the snake. When Jim plopped down on the
blanket while I lit the lantern, another snake, which
had followed after its mate, was there and bit it him.
He jumped up yelling, and the first thing the light showed
He jumped up yelling. The first thing the light of the
was the varmint curled up and ready for another spring. I
laid him out in a second with a stick, and Jim grabbed pap’s
lamp showed was the critter curled up and ready to
strike again. I killed it in a second with a stick. Jim
whisky-jug and begun to pour it down.
grabbed pap’s jug of whisky and began to drink it in
gulps.
He was barefooted, and the snake bit him right on the heel.
That all comes of my being such a fool as to not remember
Jim was barefoot, and the snake had bitten him right
on the heel. And it all happened because I’d been a
that wherever you leave a dead snake its mate always
comes there and curls around it. Jim told me to chop off the
fool and forgotten that a dead snake’s mate always
comes and curls around it. Jim told me to chop off the
snake’s head and throw it away, and then skin the body and
roast a piece of it. I done it, and he eat it and said it would
snake’s head and throw it away and then skin the
body and roast a piece of it. He said it would help cure
help cure him. He made me take off the rattles and tie them
around his wrist, too. He said that that would help. Then I
him. I did this, and he ate it. He also made me take off
the rattles and tie them around his wrist; he said that
slid out quiet and throwed the snakes clear away amongst
the bushes; for I warn’t going to let Jim find out it was all my
would help. Then I quietly left the cave and threw the
snakes far away in the bushes. I wasn’t about tot let
fault, not if I could help it.
Jim find out that this was all my fault if I could help it.
Jim sucked and sucked at the jug, and now and then he got
Jim drank and drank from the jug. He would lose his
out of his head and pitched around and yelled; but every
mind and yell and jerk around every now and then.
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time he come to himself he went to sucking at the jug again.
His foot swelled up pretty big, and so did his leg; but by and
Every time he’d come to, he’d start drinking from the
jug again. His foot and leg swelled up pretty big. But
by the drunk begun to come, and so I judged he was all
right; but I’d druther been bit with a snake than pap’s whisky.
after he got good and drunk, I figured he was okay.
Still, I’d rather be bitten by a snake than get drunk off
pap’s whisky.
Jim was laid up for four days and nights. Then the swelling
Jim was sick for four day and four nights. Then the
was all gone and he was around again. I made up my mind I
wouldn’t ever take a-holt of a snake-skin again with my
swelling went down and he was able to move around
again. Now that I’d seen the bad luck that came from
hands, now that I see what had come of it. Jim said he
reckoned I would believe him next time. And he said that
it, I made up my mind never to handle a snakeskin
with my bare hands again. Jim said he bet I would
handling a snake-skin was such awful bad luck that maybe
we hadn’t got to the end of it yet. He said he druther see the
belive him next time. He said we might even be in for
some more bad luck because handling a snakeskin
new moon over his left shoulder as much as a thousand
times than take up a snake-skin in his hand. Well, I was
brought so much of it. He said he’d rather see a new
moon over his left shoulder a thousand times than
getting to feel that way myself, though I’ve always reckoned
that looking at the new moon over your left shoulder is one
pick up a snakeskin with his hand. Well, I was starting
to feel that way myself, even though I’d always felt
of the carelessest and foolishest things a body can do. Old
Hank Bunker done it once, and bragged about it; and in less
that looking at a new moon over your left shoulder
was one of the most careless and foolish things a
than two years he got drunk and fell off of the shot-tower,
and spread himself out so that he was just a kind of a layer,
person could do. Old Hank Bunker did it once and
bragged about it. In less than two years, he got so
as you may say; and they slid him edgeways between two
barn doors for a coffin, and buried him so, so they say, but I
drunk that he fell off the shot-tower. He landed so hard
that his body spread out over the ground and formed a
didn’t see it. Pap told me. But anyway it all come of looking
at the moon that way, like a fool.
flat layer, you could say. They had to bury him in the
space between two barn doors because he was too
flat for a coffin. That’s what pap said anyway, but I
didn’t see it. Well, whatever the case, it happened
because he’d been a foolish enough to look at the
new moon that way.
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Well, the days went along, and the river went down between
its banks again; and about the first thing we done was to bait
Well, the days passed and the river receded to normal
levels again. The first thing we did was to bait one of
one of the big hooks with a skinned rabbit and set it and
catch a catfish that was as big as a man, being six foot two
the big fishhooks with a skinned rabbit and catch a
catfish as big as a man. It was six feet two inches long
inches long, and weighed over two hundred pounds. We
couldn’t handle him, of course; he would a flung us into
and weighed over 200 pounds. We couldn’t handle
him, of course—he would have tossed us all the way
Illinois. We just set there and watched him rip and tear
around till he drownded. We found a brass button in his
to Illinois. Instead, we just sat there and watched him
thrash about until he died. We cut him open and found
stomach and a round ball, and lots of rubbage. We split the
ball open with the hatchet, and there was a spool in it. Jim
a brass button and a round ball, along with other junk,
in his stomach. We split the ball open with the hatchet
said he’d had it there a long time, to coat it over so and
make a ball of it. It was as big a fish as was ever catched in
and found a spool of thread in it. Jim said the fish
must have had the spool in his stomach for a long
the Mississippi, I reckon. Jim said he hadn’t ever seen a
time for it to get coated and form a ball like that. Jim
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bigger one. He would a been worth a good deal over at the
village. They peddle out such a fish as that by the pound in
said he’d never seen a bigger fish, and I figured it was
the biggest fish that had ever been caught in the
the market-house there; everybody buys some of him; his
meat’s as white as snow and makes a good fry.
Mississippi River. It would have been worth a lot of
money in the village, where they sell fish by the pound
in the market house. Everyone would buy some it
because his meat was as white as snow and fried up
pretty well.
Next morning I said it was getting slow and dull, and I
The next morning I said things were getting pretty
wanted to get a stirring up some way. I said I reckoned I
would slip over the river and find out what was going on. Jim
boring and that I wanted to get up and do something. I
said I figured I’d cross the river to see what was going
liked that notion; but he said I must go in the dark and look
sharp. Then he studied it over and said, couldn’t I put on
on. Jim liked that idea, but said I should go in the dark
and be careful. He thought about it for awhile and
some of them old things and dress up like a girl? That was a
good notion, too. So we shortened up one of the calico
suggested I dress up like a girl by putting on some of
the old clothes we’d found. That was a pretty good
gowns, and I turned up my trouser-legs to my knees and got
into it. Jim hitched it behind with the hooks, and it was a fair
idea. We adjusted the length of one of the calico
dresses, and I rolled up my pant legs and put it on.
fit. I put on the sun-bonnet and tied it under my chin, and
then for a body to look in and see my face was like looking
Jim tied me up in the back with the hooks. It fit pretty
well. I also put on the sunbonnet and tied it under my
down a joint of stove-pipe. Jim said nobody would know me,
even in the daytime, hardly. I practiced around all day to get
chin, which made it seem like my face was down in a
stovepipe. Jim said people wouldn’t recognize even if
the hang of the things, and by and by I could do pretty well
in them, only Jim said I didn’t walk like a girl; and he said I
it was daytime. I practiced pretending to be a girl all
day to get the hang of it. Eventually, I started doing
must quit pulling up my gown to get at my britches-pocket. I
took notice, and done better.
pretty well. Jim said I didn’t walk like a girl, though,
and said I had to stop pulling up my dress to reach
into my pants pocket. I took his advice and started
doing better.
I started up the Illinois shore in the canoe just after dark.
After dark, I took the canoe over to the Illinois shore.
I started across to the town from a little below the ferry-
I headed toward the town that was just below the ferry
landing, and the drift of the current fetched me in at the
bottom of the town. I tied up and started along the bank.
landing, and the current took me right to the southern
tip. I tied up the canoe, got out, and head up the
There was a light burning in a little shanty that hadn’t been
lived in for a long time, and I wondered who had took up
riverbank. There was a light burning in a little cabin
that had been abandoned for some time, and I
quarters there. I slipped up and peeped in at the window.
There was a woman about forty year old in there knitting by
wondered who had started living there. I snuck up and
peered in the window. Inside was a woman about forty
a candle that was on a pine table. I didn’t know her face; she
was a stranger, for you couldn’t start a face in that town that
years old inside knitting and a pine table with a candle
on it. I didn’t recognize her—she was a stranger, since
I didn’t know. Now this was lucky, because I was
weakening; I was getting afraid I had come; people might
there wasn’t a person in that town that I didn’t know.
This was lucky for me because I was starting to lose
know my voice and find me out. But if this woman had been
in such a little town two days she could tell me all I wanted
my nerve. I was starting to regret having come, since
people might recognize my voice and figure out who I
to know; so I knocked at the door, and made up my mind I
wouldn’t forget I was a girl.
was. But this woman could tell me everything I wanted
to know, even if she’d only been in our tiny town a
couple days. So, I told myself not to forget that I was a
girl, and then I knocked on the door.
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“COME in,” says the woman, and I did. She says: “Take a
cheer.”
“Come in,” said the woman. I went in, and she said:
“Have a seat.”
I done it. She looked me all over with her little shiny eyes,
and says:
I sat down. She looked me up and down with her
shiny little eyes and said:
“What might your name be?”
“What might your name be?”
“Sarah Williams.”
“Sarah Williams.”
“Where ’bouts do you live? In this neighborhood?’
“Where do you live? In this neighborhood?”
“No’m. In Hookerville, seven mile below. I’ve walked all the
“No, ma’am. I live in Hookerville, seven miles down
way and I’m all tired out.”
stream. I walked all the way here, and I’m exhausted.”
“Hungry, too, I reckon. I’ll find you something.”
“You’re hungry, too, I imagine. I’ll find you something
to eat.”
“No’m, I ain’t hungry. I was so hungry I had to stop two miles
“No, ma’am, I’m not hungry. I was so hungry that I
below here at a farm; so I ain’t hungry no more. It’s what
makes me so late. My mother’s down sick, and out of money
stopped at a farm two miles back. I ate there, so I’m
not hungry any more. That’s why I’m so late getting
and everything, and I come to tell my uncle Abner Moore.
He lives at the upper end of the town, she says. I hain’t ever
here. My mother’s sick in bed, and I’ve come here to
tell my uncle Abner Moore that she’s run out of
been here before. Do you know him?”
money. She said that he lives at the north end of town.
I’ve never been here before. Do you know him?”
“No; but I don’t know everybody yet. I haven’t lived here
quite two weeks. It’s a considerable ways to the upper end
“No, but I don’t know everyone in town yet. I’ve lived
here just under two weeks. It’s pretty far from here to
of the town. You better stay here all night. Take off your
bonnet.”
the north end of town. You better stay here tonight.
Take off your bonnet.”
“No,” I says; “I’ll rest a while, I reckon, and go on. I ain’t
afeared of the dark.”
“No,” I said. “I’ll rest awhile, I figure, and then go on.
I’m not afraid of the dark.”
She said she wouldn’t let me go by myself, but her husband
would be in by and by, maybe in a hour and a half, and
She said she wouldn’t let me go by myself, but would
have her husband go with me when he got home in
she’d send him along with me. Then she got to talking about
her husband, and about her relations up the river, and her
about an hour and a half. Then she started talking
about her husband and all her relatives up and down
relations down the river, and about how much better off they
used to was, and how they didn’t know but they’d made a
the river. She talked a lot about how much better off
financially they used to be, but they made a mistake in
mistake coming to our town, instead of letting well alone—
and so on and so on, till I was afeard I had made a mistake
moving to this town instead of staying where they
were. She talked on an on, and I started to think I’d
coming to her to find out what was going on in the town; but
by and by she dropped on to pap and the murder, and then I
made a mistake in coming to her to find out what was
going on about town. Pretty soon, though, she started
was pretty willing to let her clatter right along. She told about
me and Tom Sawyer finding the six thousand dollars (only
talking about my pap and the murder, so I was happy
to let her chatter on. She told me about how Tom
she got it ten) and all about pap and what a hard lot he was,
Sawyer had found the six thousand dollars (only she
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and what a hard lot I was, and at last she got down to where
I was murdered. I says:
thought it was ten thousand). Then she talked about
pap and what an unpleasant character he was, and
what an unpleasant sort his son, Huckleberry, was. At
last she got to my murder. I said:
“Who done it? We’ve heard considerable about these goings
on down in Hookerville, but we don’t know who ’twas that
“Who did it? We’ve heard a lot about the murder down
in Hookerville, but we don’t know who killed Huck
killed Huck Finn.”
Finn.”
“Well, I reckon there’s a right smart chance of people HERE
“Well, I imagine there are quite a few people HERE
that’d like to know who killed him. Some think old Finn done
it himself.”
who’d like to know who killed him, too. Some think old
man Finn killed Huck himself.”
“No—is that so?”
“No—is that so?”
“Most everybody thought it at first. He’ll never know how
“That’s what almost everyone thought at first. He’ll
nigh he come to getting lynched. But before night they
changed around and judged it was done by a runaway
never know how close he was to being hanged. But
before nightfall, they changed their minds and figured
nigger named Jim.”
that Huck had been killed by a runaway n----- named
Jim.”
“Why HE—”
“But he…”
I stopped. I reckoned I better keep still. She run on, and
I stopped myself, figuring I had better shut up. She
never noticed I had put in at all:
kept on talking without noticing that I had started to
interrupt her:
“The nigger run off the very night Huck Finn was killed. So
there’s a reward out for him—three hundred dollars. And
“The n----- ran away the same night that Huck Finn
was killed, so there’s a reward of three hundred
there’s a reward out for old Finn, too—two hundred dollars.
You see, he come to town the morning after the murder, and
dollars out for him. And there’s a two hundred dollar
reward out for old man Finn, too. You see, he came in
told about it, and was out with ’em on the ferryboat hunt, and
right away after he up and left. Before night they wanted to
to town the morning after the murder and told
everyone about it. He even went out with them on the
lynch him, but he was gone, you see. Well, next day they
found out the nigger was gone; they found out he hadn’t ben
ferryboat to hunt for the body, but right after, he left.
By nightfall they wanted to hang him, but he was
seen sence ten o’clock the night the murder was done. So
then they put it on him, you see; and while they was full of it,
gone. Well, the next day they found out that the n----was missing and hadn’t been seen since ten o’clock
next day, back comes old Finn, and went boo-hooing to
Judge Thatcher to get money to hunt for the nigger all over
on the night of the murder. So they pinned it on him,
you see. And that’s when old man Finn appears again
Illinois with. The judge gave him some, and that evening he
got drunk, and was around till after midnight with a couple of
and goes crying to Judge Thatcher to give him money
to hunt for that n----- all over Illinois. The judge gave
mighty hard-looking strangers, and then went off with them.
Well, he hain’t come back sence, and they ain’t looking for
him some money, but that night, he got drunk and out
til well past midnight with couple of tough looking men.
him back till this thing blows over a little, for people thinks
now that he killed his boy and fixed things so folks would
He went off with them, and he hasn’t come back
since. And he probably won’t come back until this
think robbers done it, and then he’d get Huck’s money
without having to bother a long time with a lawsuit. People
whole thing blows over, since everyone now thinks
that he killed his boy and arranged everything to look
do say he warn’t any too good to do it. Oh, he’s sly, I reckon.
If he don’t come back for a year he’ll be all right. You can’t
like robbers had done it. That way, he could get
Huck’s money without having to waste time filing
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prove anything on him, you know; everything will be quieted
down then, and he’ll walk in Huck’s money as easy as
another lawsuit. Everyone says it wouldn’t be beneath
him to do something like that. Oh, he’s pretty clever.
nothing.”
He knows that no one can prove he did it. He’ll be fine
if he just stays away for a year or so. Then everything
will have quited down, and he’ll be able to get Huck’s
money pretty easily.”
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“Yes, I reckon so, ’m. I don’t see nothing in the way of it.
Has everybody quit thinking the nigger done it?”
“Yes, I guess so, ma’am. I don’t see what would stop
him. Has everyone stopped thinking that the n----- did
it, then?”
“Oh, no, not everybody. A good many thinks he done it. But
“Oh, no, not everyone. A lot of people still think he did
they’ll get the nigger pretty soon now, and maybe they can
scare it out of him.”
it. But they’ll catch that n----- pretty soon, and then
maybe they can scare a confession out of him”
“Why, are they after him yet?”
“Well, have they started looking for him yet?”
“Well, you’re innocent, ain’t you! Does three hundred dollars
“Why, you’re pretty naïve, aren’t you! It isn’t every day
lay around every day for people to pick up? Some folks think
the nigger ain’t far from here. I’m one of them—but I hain’t
that there’s a reward of three hundred dollars just
waiting to be claimed! Some folks think the n----- isn’t
talked it around. A few days ago I was talking with an old
couple that lives next door in the log shanty, and they
far from here. That’s what I think, but I haven’t talked
to many people about it. A few days ago I was talking
happened to say hardly anybody ever goes to that island
over yonder that they call Jackson’s Island. Don’t anybody
with an older couple that lives in the log cabin next
door, and they said that hardly anybody ever goes to
live there? says I. No, nobody, says they. I didn’t say any
more, but I done some thinking. I was pretty near certain I’d
that island over there called Jackson’s Island. Doesn’t
anyone live there? I asked. No, no one, they said. I
seen smoke over there, about the head of the island, a day
or two before that, so I says to myself, like as not that
didn’t say any more, but I did some thinking. I’m pretty
sure I saw some smoke at the head of the island
nigger’s hiding over there; anyway, says I, it’s worth the
trouble to give the place a hunt. I hain’t seen any smoke
about a day or two ago. I said to myself that it’s likely
the n------ is hiding over there. Anyway, I said, it’s
sence, so I reckon maybe he’s gone, if it was him; but
husband’s going over to see—him and another man. He
worth the trouble to look around the island a bit. I
haven’t seen any smoke since then, so I guess maybe
was gone up the river; but he got back to-day, and I told him
as soon as he got here two hours ago.”
he’s gone, if it was even him in the first place. My
husband and another man went over there to check.
He had been up river, but he got back today. I told him
all about it as soon as he got here two hours ago.”
I had got so uneasy I couldn’t set still. I had to do something
with my hands; so I took up a needle off of the table and
I’d gotten so nervous I couldn’t sit still. I had to do
something with my hands, so I took up a needle off
went to threading it. My hands shook, and I was making a
bad job of it. When the woman stopped talking I looked up,
the table and started threading it. My hands shook,
and I was doing a pretty bad job with the needle.
and she was looking at me pretty curious and smiling a little.
I put down the needle and thread, and let on to be
When the woman stopped talking, I looked up, and
she was looking at me funny and smiling a little. I put
interested—and I was, too—and says:
down the needle and thread, and started to act more
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interested in what she was saying—which I was—and
said:
“Three hundred dollars is a power of money. I wish my
mother could get it. Is your husband going over there to-
“Three hundred dollars is an awful lot of money. I wish
my mother could get it. Is your husband over there
night?”
tonight?”
“Oh, yes. He went up-town with the man I was telling you of,
“Why, yes. He went to the north of town with the other
to get a boat and see if they could borrow another gun.
They’ll go over after midnight.”
man I was telling you about to see if they could get a
boat and borrow another gun. They’ll go over after
midnight.”
“Couldn’t they see better if they was to wait till daytime?”
“Won’t they be able to see better if they wait until the
daytime?”
“Yes. And couldn’t the nigger see better, too? After midnight
“Yes, but that n----- will be able to see better too? He’ll
he’ll likely be asleep, and they can slip around through the
woods and hunt up his camp fire all the better for the dark, if
likely be asleep after midnight, and in the dark they’ll
be able to sneak through the woods and spot his
he’s got one.”
camp fire better, if he has one.”
“I didn’t think of that.”
“I didn’t think of that.”
The woman kept looking at me pretty curious, and I didn’t
feel a bit comfortable. Pretty soon she says,
The woman kept looking at me funny, which made me
feel really uneasy. Pretty soon she said:
“What did you say your name was, honey?”
“What did you say your name was, honey?”
“M—Mary Williams.”
“M—Mary Williams.”
Somehow it didn’t seem to me that I said it was Mary before,
so I didn’t look up—seemed to me I said it was Sarah; so I
Somehow, Mary didn’t seem like the name I’d given
before. It seemed to me I’d said it was Sarah. I sort of
felt sort of cornered, and was afeared maybe I was looking
it, too. I wished the woman would say something more; the
felt cornered and was afraid that I looked cornered
too, so I didn’t look up. I wished the woman would say
longer she set still the uneasier I was. But now she says:
something—the longer she sat still the worse I felt. But
then she said:
“Honey, I thought you said it was Sarah when you first come
in?”
“Honey, I thought you said your name was Sarah
when you first came in.”
“Oh, yes’m, I did. Sarah Mary Williams. Sarah’s my first
name. Some calls me Sarah, some calls me Mary.”
“Oh yes, ma’am, I did. Sarah Mary Williams. Sarah’s
my first name. Some people call me Sarah, others call
me Mary.”
“Oh, that’s the way of it?”
“Oh, that’s how it is?”
“Yes’m.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I was feeling better then, but I wished I was out of there,
I felt better then, but I still wished I wasn’t there
anyway. I couldn’t look up yet.
anymore. I still couldn’t look up.
Well, the woman fell to talking about how hard times was,
Well, the woman started talking about what such hard
and how poor they had to live, and how the rats was as free
as if they owned the place, and so forth and so on, and then
times these were and how poor she and her husband
were and how the rats ran around as if they owned the
I got easy again. She was right about the rats. You’d see
place. She went on an on and I started to relax again.
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one stick his nose out of a hole in the corner every little
while. She said she had to have things handy to throw at
She was right about the rats—every once in a while
you could see one stick his nose out of a hole in the
them when she was alone, or they wouldn’t give her no
peace. She showed me a bar of lead twisted up into a knot,
corner. She said she had to keep things on hand to
throw at them when she was by herself or else they’d
and said she was a good shot with it generly, but she’d
wrenched her arm a day or two ago, and didn’t know
take over. She showed me a bar of lead that was
twisted up into a knot. She said she was usually a
whether she could throw true now. But she watched for a
chance, and directly banged away at a rat; but she missed
pretty good shot with it, but that she’d twisted her arm
a day or two ago. She didn’t know whether she could
him wide, and said “Ouch!” it hurt her arm so. Then she told
me to try for the next one. I wanted to be getting away
throw it at the rats anymore. She waited for an
opportunity, then tried to hit a rat with it. She missed
before the old man got back, but of course I didn’t let on. I
got the thing, and the first rat that showed his nose I let
him, and said “Ouch!” from the pain in her arm. She
told me to try and hit the next one. I wanted to leave
drive, and if he’d a stayed where he was he’d a been a
tolerable sick rat. She said that was first-rate, and she
before the old man got back, but I didn’t let on, of
course. I picked up the lead bar and threw it at the first
reckoned I would hive the next one. She went and got the
lump of lead and fetched it back, and brought along a hank
rat that showed its nose. If it had stayed put, it would
have been badly hurt, but it got away. The woman
of yarn which she wanted me to help her with. I held up my
two hands and she put the hank over them, and went on
said that that had been a fine throw and that she was
sure I’d get the next one. She went and got the lead
talking about her and her husband’s matters. But she broke
off to say:
bar and brought it back along with a skein of yarn she
wanted me to help her with. I held up my two hands
and she started winding the yarn over them and went
on talking about her husband’s business. She stopped
at one point to say:
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“Keep your eye on the rats. You better have the lead in your
“Keep your eye on the rats. You better have the lead
lap, handy.”
bar ready in your lap.”
So she dropped the lump into my lap just at that moment,
Then she dropped the lead bar in my lap. I clapped
and I clapped my legs together on it and she went on
talking. But only about a minute. Then she took off the hank
my legs together to catch it as she kept on talking.
She talked for only about a minute more. Then she
and looked me straight in the face, and very pleasant, and
says:
took the yarn off my hands, looked me straight in the
face, and very kindly said:
“Come, now, what’s your real name?”
“Come on now, what’s your real name?”
“Wh—what, mum?”
“Wh—what, ma’am?”
“What’s your real name? Is it Bill, or Tom, or Bob?—or what
is it?”
“What’s your real name? Is it Bill or Tom or Bob? What
is it?”
I reckon I shook like a leaf, and I didn’t know hardly what to
do. But I says:
I likely started shaking like a leaf. I could’t figure out
what to do. But I said:
“Please to don’t poke fun at a poor girl like me, mum. If I’m
in the way here, I’ll—”
“Please don’t poke fun at a poor girl like me, ma’am. If
I’m causing trouble, I’ll….”
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“No, you won’t. Set down and stay where you are. I ain’t
going to hurt you, and I ain’t going to tell on you, nuther. You
“No, you won’t. Sit down and stay where you are. I’m
not going to hurt you, and I’m not going to tell on you.
just tell me your secret, and trust me. I’ll keep it; and, what’s
more, I’ll help you. So’ll my old man if you want him to. You
Just trust me with your secret. I’ll keep it. I’ll even help
you. So will my husband, if you want. I think you’re a
see, you’re a runaway ’prentice, that’s all. It ain’t anything.
There ain’t no harm in it. You’ve been treated bad, and you
runaway apprentice, that’s all. That isn’t a big deal.
There ain’t no harm in it. You’ve been treated poory,
made up your mind to cut. Bless you, child, I wouldn’t tell on
you. Tell me all about it now, that’s a good boy.”
so you decided to run away. Bless you, child. I
wouldn’t tell on you. Be a good boy, now, and tell me
all about it.”
So I said it wouldn’t be no use to try to play it any longer,
So I said it wouldn’t be any use to try and fool her any
and I would just make a clean breast and tell her everything,
but she musn’t go back on her promise. Then I told her my
longer, and that I’d get everything off my chest if she
promised to never tell anyone. I told her that my father
father and mother was dead, and the law had bound me out
to a mean old farmer in the country thirty mile back from the
and mother were both dead. The law had sent me to
work for a mean old farmer who lived out in the
river, and he treated me so bad I couldn’t stand it no longer;
he went away to be gone a couple of days, and so I took my
country thirty miles from the river. He treated me so
badly that I couldn’t stand it any longer. I took my
chance and stole some of his daughter’s old clothes and
cleared out, and I had been three nights coming the thirty
chance when he went away for a couple of days. I
stole some of his daughter’s old clothes and ran away.
miles. I traveled nights, and hid daytimes and slept, and the
bag of bread and meat I carried from home lasted me all the
It took me three nights to travel the thirty miles. I
traveled at night, hiding and sleeping during the day. A
way, and I had a-plenty. I said I believed my uncle Abner
Moore would take care of me, and so that was why I struck
bag of bread and meat that carried from the farmer’s
house had lasted all this way, so I’d had plenty to eat.
out for this town of Goshen.
I said I thought my uncle Abner Moore would take
care of me. That was why I was headed for the town
of Goshen.
“Goshen, child? This ain’t Goshen. This is St. Petersburg.
“Goshen, child? This ain’t Goshen. This is St.
Goshen’s ten mile further up the river. Who told you this was
Goshen?”
Petersburg. Goshen’s ten miles further up the river.
Who told you this was Goshen?”
“Why, a man I met at daybreak this morning, just as I was
going to turn into the woods for my regular sleep. He told me
“Why, a man I met at dawn this morning, just as I was
heading into the woods to sleep. He told me that when
when the roads forked I must take the right hand, and five
mile would fetch me to Goshen.”
I came to a fork in the road I had to veer right and it
would be only five miles to Goshen.”
“He was drunk, I reckon. He told you just exactly wrong.”
“He was drunk, I’ll bet. He told you the exact opposite
of what you should have done.”
“Well, he did act like he was drunk, but it ain’t no matter
now. I got to be moving along. I’ll fetch Goshen before
“Well, he did act drunk. But it doesn’t matter now. I’d
better get moving so I can reach Goshen before
daylight.”
daylight.”
“Hold on a minute. I’ll put you up a snack to eat. You might
“Hold on a minute. I’ll pack you a snack to eat. You
want it.”
might want it later.”
So she put me up a snack, and says:
She packed a snak for me, then said:
“Say, when a cow’s laying down, which end of her gets up
first? Answer up prompt now—don’t stop to study over it.
“Hey, if a cow is lying down, which end of its body
does it lift first when it gets up? Answer quickly now—
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Which end gets up first?”
don’t think. Which end gets up first?”
“The hind end, mum.”
“The rear end, ma’am.”
“Well, then, a horse?”
“What about a horse?”
“The for’rard end, mum.”
“The front end, ma’am.”
“Which side of a tree does the moss grow on?”
“Which side of a tree does moss grow on?”
“North side.”
“The north side.”
“If fifteen cows is browsing on a hillside, how many of them
eats with their heads pointed the same direction?”
“If fifteen cows are grazing on a hillside, how many of
them eat with their heads pointed in the same
direction?”
“The whole fifteen, mum.”
“All fifteen, ma’am.”
“Well, I reckon you HAVE lived in the country. I thought
maybe you was trying to hocus me again. What’s your real
“Well, I guess you HAVE lived in the country. I thought
maybe you were lying again. What’s your real name,
name, now?”
now?”
“George Peters, mum.”
“George Peters, ma’am.”
“Well, try to remember it, George. Don’t forget and tell me
it’s Elexander before you go, and then get out by saying it’s
Well, try to remember your name, George. Don’t slip
and tell me it’s Alexander before you leave, then
George Elexander when I catch you. And don’t go about
women in that old calico. You do a girl tolerable poor, but
explain that it’s George Alexander when I catch you in
your lie. And don’t go around women wearing that old
you might fool men, maybe. Bless you, child, when you set
out to thread a needle don’t hold the thread still and fetch
calico. You might fool a man, but you make a pretty
awful girl. Poor child, when you start to thread a
the needle up to it; hold the needle still and poke the thread
at it; that’s the way a woman most always does, but a man
needle, don’t hold the thread still and bring the needle
up to it. Instead, hold the needle still and poke the
always does t’other way. And when you throw at a rat or
anything, hitch yourself up a tiptoe and fetch your hand up
thread throught it—that’s the way women usually do it,
but men do it the other way. And when you throw
over your head as awkward as you can, and miss your rat
about six or seven foot. Throw stiff-armed from the shoulder,
something at a rat or anything else, stand up on your
tiptoes and bring your hand up over your head as
like there was a pivot there for it to turn on, like a girl; not
from the wrist and elbow, with your arm out to one side, like
awkwardly as you can. And miss the rat by about six
or seven feet. Throw stiff-armed from the shoulder,
a boy. And, mind you, when a girl tries to catch anything in
her lap she throws her knees apart; she don’t clap them
like there was a pivot for you to turn on. That’s how a
girl would throw. Don’t throw from the wrist and elbow,
together, the way you did when you catched the lump of
lead. Why, I spotted you for a boy when you was threading
with your arm out to one side, like a boy does. And,
listen, when a girl tries to catch anything in her lap,
the needle; and I contrived the other things just to make
certain. Now trot along to your uncle, Sarah Mary Williams
she spreads her knees apart. Don’t clasp them
together the way you did when you caught the bar of
George Elexander Peters, and if you get into trouble you
send word to Mrs. Judith Loftus, which is me, and I’ll do
lead. Why, I could tell you were a boy when you were
threading the needle. I came up with the other stuff to
what I can to get you out of it. Keep the river road all the
way, and next time you tramp take shoes and socks with
trick you, just to make sure. Now, go along to your
uncle, Sarah Mary Williams George Alexander Peters.
you. The river road’s a rocky one, and your feet’ll be in a
condition when you get to Goshen, I reckon.”
If you get into any trouble, send word to Mrs. Judith
Loftus—that’s me—and I’ll do what I can to help. Stay
on the road that runs by the river. And next time you
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hike thirty miles, be sure to take shoes and socks with
you. The river road’s pretty rocky, and your feet will be
all torn up when you get to Goshen, I bet.”
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I went up the bank about fifty yards, and then I doubled on
I went about fifty yards up the riverbank. Then I turned
my tracks and slipped back to where my canoe was, a good
piece below the house. I jumped in, and was off in a hurry. I
around and retraced my steps back to the canoe,
which was a good ways downstream from the house. I
went up-stream far enough to make the head of the island,
and then started across. I took off the sun-bonnet, for I didn’t
jumped in and hurry away. I went upstream far
enough to reach the head of the island, and then I
want no blinders on then. When I was about the middle I
heard the clock begin to strike, so I stops and listens; the
started paddling across. I took off the sunbonnet so
that I could have a full view. About the time I reached
sound come faint over the water but clear—eleven. When I
struck the head of the island I never waited to blow, though I
the middle of the river, I heard the clock strike. I
stopped paddling and listened. The sound was faint as
was most winded, but I shoved right into the timber where
my old camp used to be, and started a good fire there on a
it traveled over the water, but it was clear—eleven
strikes. I was winded when I reached the head of the
high and dry spot.
island, but I didn’t pause to catch my breath. Instead, I
headed right into the woods where my old camp used
to be and started a good fire there on a high and dry
spot.
Then I jumped in the canoe and dug out for our place, a mile
and a half below, as hard as I could go. I landed, and
After that, I jumped in the canoe and started paddling
as hard as I could toward our new place about a mile
slopped through the timber and up the ridge and into the
cavern. There Jim laid, sound asleep on the ground. I
and a half downstream. I landed and ran through the
woods and up the ridge into the cave. Jim was there,
roused him out and says:
lying fast asleep. I woke him up, and said:
“Git up and hump yourself, Jim! There ain’t a minute to lose.
“Get up and get going, Jim! There’s not a minute to
They’re after us!”
lose. They’re after us!”
Jim never asked no questions, he never said a word; but the
Jim didn’t ask any questions or say a word. The way
way he worked for the next half an hour showed about how
he was scared. By that time everything we had in the world
he worked for the next half an hour demonstrated just
how scared he was. Within thirty minutes we had
was on our raft, and she was ready to be shoved out from
the willow cove where she was hid. We put out the camp fire
everything we owned on our raft, and we were ready
to shove off from the cove of willow trees where it was
at the cavern the first thing, and didn’t show a candle
outside after that.
hidden. We put out the campfire in cave right away.
After that, we didn’t even light a candle outside.
I took the canoe out from the shore a little piece, and took a
look; but if there was a boat around I couldn’t see it, for stars
I paddled the canoe out from the shore a little ways to
see what I could see. If there was a boat nearby, I
and shadows ain’t good to see by. Then we got out the raft
and slipped along down in the shade, past the foot of the
couldn’t see it by just the light of the stars and
shadows. Then we untied the raft and paddled it
island dead still—never saying a word.
downstream in the shade, past the foot of the island,
as quietly as we could, never saying a word
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IT must a been close on to one o’clock when we got below
the island at last, and the raft did seem to go mighty slow. If
The raft seemed to go incredibly slow. It must have
been nearly one o’clock in the morning by the time we
a boat was to come along we was going to take to the canoe
and break for the Illinois shore; and it was well a boat didn’t
finally passed the island. We decided that if a boat
came along, we were going to jump into the canoe
come, for we hadn’t ever thought to put the gun in the
canoe, or a fishing-line, or anything to eat. We was in ruther
and make a break for the Illinois shore. It was a good
thing no boat ever came, though, because we hadn’t
too much of a sweat to think of so many things. It warn’t
good judgment to put EVERYTHING on the raft.
thought to put the gun or a fishing line or anything to
eat in the canoe. We were panicking too much to think
of all those things. It sure wasn’t good judgment to put
EVERYTHING on the raft.
If the men went to the island I just expect they found the
camp fire I built, and watched it all night for Jim to come.
If those men did go to the island, my guess is they
found the campfire I built. They probably watched it all
Anyways, they stayed away from us, and if my building the
fire never fooled them it warn’t no fault of mine. I played it as
night waiting for Jim to come back. Well, whatever the
reason, they stayed away from us. If my fake campfire
low down on them as I could.
didn’t fool them, then you can’t say I didn’t try. I did my
best to fool them.
When the first streak of day began to show we tied up to a
towhead in a big bend on the Illinois side, and hacked off
When the first ray of sunlight stretched over the
horizon, we tied the canoe up to a towhead—a
cottonwood branches with the hatchet, and covered up the
raft with them so she looked like there had been a cave-in in
sandbar covered in thick groves of cottonwood trees—
in a big bend on the Illinois side of the river. We
the bank there. A tow-head is a sandbar that has
cottonwoods on it as thick as harrow-teeth.
hacked off some cottonwood branches with the
hatchet, and used them to covered up the raft so it
looked like there had been a cave-in on the riverbank.
We had mountains on the Missouri shore and heavy timber
There were mountains on the shore on the Missouri
on the Illinois side, and the channel was down the Missouri
shore at that place, so we warn’t afraid of anybody running
side of the river and thick forest on the Illinois side.
The channel ran down the Missouri shore around
across us. We laid there all day, and watched the rafts and
steamboats spin down the Missouri shore, and up-bound
there, so we weren’t afraid of anyone running into us.
We lay there all day and watched the rafts and
steamboats fight the big river in the middle. I told Jim all
about the time I had jabbering with that woman; and Jim
steamboats float down along the Missouri shoreline.
And we watched other steamboats chug against the
said she was a smart one, and if she was to start after us
herself she wouldn’t set down and watch a camp fire—no,
current in the middle of the river. I told Jim everything
the woman in the cabin had told me. Jim said she
sir, she’d fetch a dog. Well, then, I said, why couldn’t she tell
her husband to fetch a dog? Jim said he bet she did think of
must have been pretty smart. He said that if she had
decided to come after us herself, she would have
it by the time the men was ready to start, and he believed
they must a gone up-town to get a dog and so they lost all
used a dog instead of wasting time watching
campfires. I asked why she didn’t suggest that to her
that time, or else we wouldn’t be here on a towhead sixteen
husband. He said she probably did. He’d probably had
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or seventeen mile below the village—no, indeedy, we would
be in that same old town again. So I said I didn’t care what
to go back upriver into town to get a dog. That’s why
we were able to escape to this towhead sixteen or
was the reason they didn’t get us as long as they didn’t.
seventeen miles downstream. Otherwise we’d have
been caught. So I said it didn’t matter how we’d gotten
away, so long as we had.
When it was beginning to come on dark we poked our heads
When it started to get dark, we poked our heads out of
out of the cottonwood thicket, and looked up and down and
across; nothing in sight; so Jim took up some of the top
the thicket of cottonwood trees. We looked all around,
but couldn’t see anything. Jim took some of the planks
planks of the raft and built a snug wigwam to get under in
blazing weather and rainy, and to keep the things dry. Jim
from the raft to build a snug little wigwam to get out of
the rain and keep our things dry. Jim made a floor for
made a floor for the wigwam, and raised it a foot or more
above the level of the raft, so now the blankets and all the
the wigwam and raised it at least a foot above the
deck of the raft. This kept the blankets and traps from
traps was out of reach of steamboat waves. Right in the
middle of the wigwam we made a layer of dirt about five or
getting soaked by the waves made by the passing
steamboats. We put a layer of dirt about five or six
six inches deep with a frame around it for to hold it to its
place; this was to build a fire on in sloppy weather or chilly;
inches deep inside a little wooden frame in the middle
of the wigwam. We could build a fire there that
the wigwam would keep it from being seen. We made an
extra steering-oar, too, because one of the others might get
wouldn’t be seen or get drenched by the rain. We
made an extra steering oar, too, in case one of the
broke on a snag or something. We fixed up a short forked
stick to hang the old lantern on, because we must always
others broke or got caught in a snag in the water or
something. We hung the lantern on a short forked
light the lantern whenever we see a steamboat coming
down-stream, to keep from getting run over; but we wouldn’t
stick so that the steamboats coming downstream
wouldn’t hit us. We’d only have to light it, though, if we
have to light it for up-stream boats unless we see we was in
what they call a “crossing"; for the river was pretty high yet,
were in what they call a “crossing.” You see, the river
was high enough that boat traveling up river didn’t
very low banks being still a little under water; so up-bound
boats didn’t always run the channel, but hunted easy water.
have to run the channel, but could look for easier
waters.
This second night we run between seven and eight hours,
with a current that was making over four mile an hour. We
We floated for about seven or eight hours in the
current on this second night. We were moving about
catched fish and talked, and we took a swim now and then
to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down
four miles an hour or so. We caught fish and talked
and swum now and then to stay awake. It was kind of
the big, still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars,
and we didn’t ever feel like talking loud, and it warn’t often
solemn, drifting down the big, still river, lying on our
backs and looking up at the stars. We didn’t ever feel
that we laughed—only a little kind of a low chuckle. We had
mighty good weather as a general thing, and nothing ever
like talking too loudly, and we rarely laughed—we just
chuckled a little. The weather was excellent, for the
happened to us at all—that night, nor the next, nor the next.
most part, and nothing much happened to us that
night, the next night, or the one after that.
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Every night we passed towns, some of them away up on
black hillsides, nothing but just a shiny bed of lights; not a
We passed a few towns each night. The towns way up
on the hillsides looked light nothing but patches of
house could you see. The fifth night we passed St. Louis,
and it was like the whole world lit up. In St. Petersburg they
shiny lights because you couldn’t see any houses. On
the fifth night, we passed St. Louis. It was so bright
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used to say there was twenty or thirty thousand people in St.
Louis, but I never believed it till I see that wonderful spread
that it looked like the whole world was lit up. People in
St. Petersburg used to say that there were twenty or
of lights at two o’clock that still night. There warn’t a sound
there; everybody was asleep.
thirty thousand people in St. Louis. I never believed
them until I saw all those amazing lights at two o’clock
that quiet night. Everyone was asleep and you
couldn’t hear a sound.
Every night now I used to slip ashore towards ten o’clock at
some little village, and buy ten or fifteen cents’ worth of meal
Around ten o’clock every night, I’d swim ashore to
whatever little village we’d happen to be passing. I’d
or bacon or other stuff to eat; and sometimes I lifted a
chicken that warn’t roosting comfortable, and took him
buy ten or fifteen cents worth of corn meal or bacon or
other food. Sometimes I even stole a chicken that
along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get a
chance, because if you don’t want him yourself you can
wasn’t roosting comfortably. Pap always said to take a
chicken when you had the chance because you can
easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain’t ever
forgot. I never see pap when he didn’t want the chicken
always give it away if you don’t want to eat it. Then
that person will owe you a favor. I never knew pap to
himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway.
actually turn down a chicken, but that’s what he used
to say.
Mornings before daylight I slipped into cornfields and
borrowed a watermelon, or a mushmelon, or a punkin, or
Every morning just before dawn I’d sneak into
cornfields and borrow some watermelon, mushmelon,
some new corn, or things of that kind. Pap always said it
warn’t no harm to borrow things if you was meaning to pay
pumpkins, corn, or something like that. Pap always
said there wasn’t any harm in borrowing things if you
them back some time; but the widow said it warn’t anything
but a soft name for stealing, and no decent body would do it.
meant to pay them back at some point. The widow,
though, said borrwing was just a nicer way of saying
Jim said he reckoned the widow was partly right and pap
was partly right; so the best way would be for us to pick out
stealing, which decent people didn’t do. Jim said he
figured that pap and the widow were both right. He
two or three things from the list and say we wouldn’t borrow
them any more—then he reckoned it wouldn’t be no harm to
said it’d be best if we compromised by promising
ourselves that we just wouldn’t borrow certain things
borrow the others. So we talked it over all one night, drifting
along down the river, trying to make up our minds whether
anymore but continue borrowing others. So we talked
about it one night while we were drifting down the
to drop the watermelons, or the cantelopes, or the
mushmelons, or what. But towards daylight we got it all
river. We tried to decide whether we’d give up
watermelon, cantaloup, or mushmelons. By dawn,
settled satisfactory, and concluded to drop crabapples and
p’simmons. We warn’t feeling just right before that, but it
we’d decided to give up borrowing crabapples and
persimmons. We’d been feeling a little guilty before,
was all comfortable now. I was glad the way it come out,
too, because crabapples ain’t ever good, and the p’simmons
but now we felt much better about things. I was glad
that we hadd settled this way, since crabapples never
wouldn’t be ripe for two or three months yet.
taste and persimmons wouldn’t be ripe for another two
or three months.
We shot a water-fowl now and then that got up too early in
the morning or didn’t go to bed early enough in the evening.
Every now and then we’d shoot a waterfowl that woke
up too early or went to bed too late. All in all, we lived
Take it all round, we lived pretty high.
pretty well.
The fifth night below St. Louis we had a big storm after
A big storm hit just after midnight on the fifth night
midnight, with a power of thunder and lightning, and the rain
poured down in a solid sheet. We stayed in the wigwam and
after we’d passed St. Louis. There was lots of thunder
and lightning, and the rain came down in a solid sheet.
let the raft take care of itself. When the lightning glared out
we could see a big straight river ahead, and high, rocky
We stayed in the wigwam and let the raft take care of
itself. When the lightning flashed, we could see the big
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bluffs on both sides. By and by says I, “Hel-LO, Jim, looky
yonder!” It was a steamboat that had killed herself on a rock.
river straight ahead and high, rocky cliffs on both
sides. At one point I said, “Hey, Jim! Look over there!”
We was drifting straight down for her. The lightning showed
her very distinct. She was leaning over, with part of her
I pointed to a steamboat that had run aground on a
rock directly in our path. We could see the boat clearly
upper deck above water, and you could see every little
chimbly-guy clean and clear, and a chair by the big bell, with
each time the lightning flashed. The boat was leaning
over to one side, with only part of the topmost deck
an old slouch hat hanging on the back of it, when the flashes
come.
above water. You could see each little smokestack
and a chair by the big bell that had an old hat hanging
on the back of it.
Well, it being away in the night and stormy, and all so
Since the storm made things dark and spooky, I felt
mysterious-like, I felt just the way any other boy would a felt
when I see that wreck laying there so mournful and
like any other boy would feel if he saw that shipwreck
just listing there so lonely in the middle of the river: I
lonesome in the middle of the river. I wanted to get aboard
of her and slink around a little, and see what there was
just had to get aboard and explore! So I said,
there. So I says:
“Let’s land on her, Jim.”
“Let’s land on it, Jim.”
But Jim was dead against it at first. He says:
Jim didn’t want to at first. He said,
“I doan’ want to go fool’n ’long er no wrack. We’s doin’
“I don’t want to go fooling around on that wreck. We’re
blame’ well, en we better let blame’ well alone, as de good
book says. Like as not dey’s a watchman on dat wrack.”
doing fine without it, and we’d better let it alone, like
the Bible says. More likely than not there are guards
protecting that wreck.”
“Watchman your grandmother,” I says; “there ain’t nothing to
“Guards, my butt,” I said. “There’s nothing for guards
watch but the texas and the pilot-house; and do you reckon
anybody’s going to resk his life for a texas and a pilot-house
to watch for but the cabins and the pilothouse. Do you
think anyone would risk his neck to protect a cabin
such a night as this, when it’s likely to break up and wash off
down the river any minute?” Jim couldn’t say nothing to that,
and a pilothouse on a night like this, when the whole
boat is about to break up and float down the river any
so he didn’t try. “And besides,” I says, “we might borrow
something worth having out of the captain’s stateroom.
minute?” Jim didn’t have a response, so he said
nothing. “Besides,” I said. “We might find something in
Seegars, I bet you—and cost five cents apiece, solid cash.
Steamboat captains is always rich, and get sixty dollars a
the captain’s quarters that’s worth borrowing. I bet we
find cigars worth five dollars in cash each. All
month, and THEY don’t care a cent what a thing costs, you
know, long as they want it. Stick a candle in your pocket; I
steamboat captains are rich. They get paid sixty
dollars a month, and they don’t care what anything
can’t rest, Jim, till we give her a rummaging. Do you reckon
Tom Sawyer would ever go by this thing? Not for pie, he
costs. They just buy whatever they want. Here, put a
candle in your pocket, Jim. I’m not going to be able to
wouldn’t. He’d call it an adventure—that’s what he’d call it;
and he’d land on that wreck if it was his last act. And
sleep until we rummage around. Do you think Tom
Sawyer would ever pass up an opportunity like this?
wouldn’t he throw style into it?—wouldn’t he spread himself,
nor nothing? Why, you’d think it was Christopher C’lumbus
Not for anything, he wouldn’t. He’d call it an
adventure. He’d board that wreck if he knew it’d be the
discovering Kingdom-Come. I wish Tom Sawyer WAS here.”
last thing he did before he died. He’d do it in style, too.
Why, you’d swear he was Christopher Columbus
discovering the New World. Man, I wish Tom Sawyer
WERE here.”
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Jim he grumbled a little, but give in. He said we mustn’t talk
any more than we could help, and then talk mighty low. The
Jim grumbled a bit, but he gave in. He said we mustn’t
talk anymore than was absolutely necessary, and only
lightning showed us the wreck again just in time, and we
fetched the stabboard derrick, and made fast there.
then in low voices. The lightning flashes showed us
the way to the wreck, and we grabbed hold of the
starboard derrick and tied the raft to it.
The deck was high out here. We went sneaking down the
The deck of the steamboat was pretty high above the
slope of it to labboard, in the dark, towards the texas, feeling
our way slow with our feet, and spreading our hands out to
water. We pulled up to the boat’s port side. We snuck
in the dark toward the cabins, slowly feeling our way
fend off the guys, for it was so dark we couldn’t see no sign
of them. Pretty soon we struck the forward end of the
along the deck with our feet and spreading our hands
out in front to fend off any guards. It was so dark that
skylight, and clumb on to it; and the next step fetched us in
front of the captain’s door, which was open, and by Jimminy,
we wouldn’t have seen any sign of them. Pretty soon
we got to the front end of the skylight, so we climbed
away down through the texas-hall we see a light! and all in
the same second we seem to hear low voices in yonder!
on to it. Our next step brought us to the open door of
the captain’s quarters. We looked in, and by golly, we
saw a light down in the cabin! And we could hear
voices down in there, too!
Jim whispered and said he was feeling powerful sick, and
told me to come along. I says, all right, and was going to
Jim whispered to me that he had a bad feeling about
this. He told me we better get going. I agreed and was
start for the raft; but just then I heard a voice wail out and
say:
about to head for the raft when I heard a voice from
below cry out:
“Oh, please don’t, boys; I swear I won’t ever tell!”
“Oh please don’t, guys. I swear I won’t ever tell!”
Another voice said, pretty loud:
Another voice then said pretty loudly:
“It’s a lie, Jim Turner. You’ve acted this way before. You
always want more’n your share of the truck, and you’ve
“You’re lying, Jim Turner. You’ve acted like this
before. You always want more than your share of the
always got it, too, because you’ve swore ’t if you didn’t you’d
tell. But this time you’ve said it jest one time too many.
loot, and you always get it, because you’ve sworn
you’d tell if you didn’t get it. Well, you’ve joked around
You’re the meanest, treacherousest hound in this country.”
one too many times. You’re the most awful, most
treacherous rascal around.”
By this time Jim was gone for the raft. I was just a-biling with
curiosity; and I says to myself, Tom Sawyer wouldn’t back
By this time Jim had gone to the raft. My curiousity
was killing me, though. I told myself that Tom Sawyer
out now, and so I won’t either; I’m a-going to see what’s
going on here. So I dropped on my hands and knees in the
wouldn’t back out now, so I decided that I wouldn’t
either. I was going to see what was going on down
little passage, and crept aft in the dark till there warn’t but
one stateroom betwixt me and the cross-hall of the texas.
there. I dropped to my hands and knees inside the
little passageway and crept in the dark toward the
Then in there I see a man stretched on the floor and tied
hand and foot, and two men standing over him, and one of
back of the ship. I got to where there was only one
stateroom between me and the cabin hallway. I
them had a dim lantern in his hand, and the other one had a
pistol. This one kept pointing the pistol at the man’s head on
peeked in and saw a man stretched out on the floor
with his hands and feet bound. There were two men
the floor, and saying:
standing over him, one of them holding a dim lantern.
The other man had a pistol, and he kept pointing it at
the head of the man on the floor, saying:
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“I’d LIKE to! And I orter, too—a mean skunk!”
“I’d LIKE to shoot you! And I ought to, you damned
skunk!”
The man on the floor would shrivel up and say, “Oh, please
don’t, Bill; I hain’t ever goin’ to tell.”
The man on the floor would curl up and say things
like, “Oh, please don’t, Bill! I’m not ever going to tell!”
And every time he said that the man with the lantern would
laugh and say:
And every time he said that the man with the lantern
would laugh and say:
“’Deed you AIN’T! You never said no truer thing ’n that, you
bet you.” And once he said: “Hear him beg! and yit if we
“Indeed you won’t! You’ve never said a truer word
than that!” Once he said: “Listen to him beg! But if we
hadn’t got the best of him and tied him he’d a killed us both.
And what FOR? Jist for noth’n. Jist because we stood on
hadn’t beaten him and tied him up, he would’ve killed
us both. And what FOR? Because he could. Just
our RIGHTS—that’s what for. But I lay you ain’t a-goin’ to
threaten nobody any more, Jim Turner. Put UP that pistol,
because we stood up for our RIGHTS, that’s why. But
I swear you aren’t going to threaten anybody ever
Bill.”
again, Jim Turner. Put that pistol away, Bill.”
Bill says:
Bill said:
“I don’t want to, Jake Packard. I’m for killin’ him—and didn’t
he kill old Hatfield jist the same way—and don’t he deserve
“I don’t want to put it away, Jake Packard. I want to kill
him. Didn’t he kill old Hatfield the same way? Doesn’t
it?”
he deserve to die?”
“But I don’t WANT him killed, and I’ve got my reasons for it.”
“But I’ve got my reasons for not wanting him killed.”
“Bless yo’ heart for them words, Jake Packard! I’ll never
forgit you long’s I live!” says the man on the floor, sort of
“Bless you, Jake Packard! I’ll never forget you as long
as I live,” blubbered the man on the floor.
blubbering.
Packard didn’t take no notice of that, but hung up his lantern
Packard didn’t notice him, but hung his lantern on a
on a nail and started towards where I was there in the dark,
and motioned Bill to come. I crawfished as fast as I could
nail. He started walking toward where I was hiding and
motioned for Bill to follow. I crawled as fast as I could
about two yards, but the boat slanted so that I couldn’t make
very good time; so to keep from getting run over and
for about two yards. It took me longer than it normally
would since the boat was slanted to one side. I
catched I crawled into a stateroom on the upper side. The
man came a-pawing along in the dark, and when Packard
crawled up the slant and into a stateroom to avoid
getting stepped on and caught. The other man came
got to my stateroom, he says:
walking up in the dark, and when Packard got to the
stateroom, he said:
“Here—come in here.”
“Hey—come in here.”
And in he come, and Bill after him. But before they got in I
He and Bill came inside, but I had crawled in the
was up in the upper berth, cornered, and sorry I come. Then
they stood there, with their hands on the ledge of the berth,
upper birth before they arrived. I was cornered and
regretted my decision to stay on the boat. They stood
and talked. I couldn’t see them, but I could tell where they
was by the whisky they’d been having. I was glad I didn’t
there talking, their hands on the ledge of the berth. I
couldn’t see them, but I could tell where they were by
drink whisky; but it wouldn’t made much difference anyway,
because most of the time they couldn’t a treed me because I
the whisky on their breath. I was glad I hadn’t drunk
any whiskey myself, but it wouldn’t have made much
didn’t breathe. I was too scared. And, besides, a body
COULDN’T breathe and hear such talk. They talked low and
of a difference since I was holding my breath. I was so
scared. But even if I wasn’t scared, I wouldn’t be able
earnest. Bill wanted to kill Turner. He says:
to hear them talking if I breathed. They talked in low
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but earnest voices. Bill wanted to kill Turner. He said:
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“He’s said he’ll tell, and he will. If we was to give both our
“He said he’ll tell, and he will. Even if we gave both
shares to him NOW it wouldn’t make no difference after the
row and the way we’ve served him. Shore’s you’re born,
our shares to him now, it wouldn’t make any
difference, now that we’ve fought him and tied him up.
he’ll turn State’s evidence; now you hear ME. I’m for putting
him out of his troubles.”
I’m sure he’ll turn state’s evidence and testify against
us. Now you listen. I say we put him out of his misery.”
“So’m I,” says Packard, very quiet.
“I agree,” said Packard quietly.
“Blame it, I’d sorter begun to think you wasn’t. Well, then,
“Damn it, I was beginning to think you weren’t. Well
that’s all right. Le’s go and do it.”
then, that’s that. Let’s go and do it.”
“Hold on a minute; I hain’t had my say yit. You listen to me.
“Hold on a minute—I haven’t said everything I want to
Shooting’s good, but there’s quieter ways if the thing’s GOT
to be done. But what I say is this: it ain’t good sense to go
say yet. Listen to me. Shooting a man is fine, but there
are quieter ways to kill him. I don’t think it makes any
court’n around after a halter if you can git at what you’re up
to in some way that’s jist as good and at the same time don’t
sense to invite trouble if you can do the same thing
with less risk. Am I right?”
bring you into no resks. Ain’t that so?”
“You bet it is. But how you goin’ to manage it this time?”
“You bet. But how are you thinking of killing him?”
“Well, my idea is this: we’ll rustle around and gather up
whatever pickins we’ve overlooked in the staterooms, and
“Well, we can rummage around the boat and gather
up anything else in the staterooms that we
shove for shore and hide the truck. Then we’ll wait. Now I
say it ain’t a-goin’ to be more’n two hours befo’ this wrack
overlooked. Then we can head to shore and hide our
loot. Then we’ll wait. I don’t think it’s going to be more
breaks up and washes off down the river. See? He’ll be
drownded, and won’t have nobody to blame for it but his
than two hours before this wreck breaks up and
washes down river. See what I mean? He’ll drown,
own self. I reckon that’s a considerble sight better ’n killin’ of
him. I’m unfavorable to killin’ a man as long as you can git
and everyone will blame him for his own death. I think
that’s much better than killing him. I’m against killing
aroun’ it; it ain’t good sense, it ain’t good morals. Ain’t I
right?”
anyone if you can get around it. It’s not good sense.
It’s not good morals. Am I right?”
“Yes, I reck’n you are. But s’pose she DON’T break up and
wash off?”
“Yes, I suppose you are. But what if the boat doesn’t
break up and wash away?”
“Well, we can wait the two hours anyway and see, can’t
we?”
“Well, we can wait a couple hours and see, can’t we?”
“All right, then; come along.”
“All right then, let’s go.”
So they started, and I lit out, all in a cold sweat, and
They started off, and I hurried out. I was in a cold
scrambled forward. It was dark as pitch there; but I said, in a
kind of a coarse whisper, “Jim!” and he answered up, right at
sweat as I scrambled forward in the pitch dark. I
whispered, “Jim!” and he answered me with a soart of
my elbow, with a sort of a moan, and I says:
moan right at my elbow. I said:
“Quick, Jim, it ain’t no time for fooling around and moaning;
“Quick, Jim. This isn’t a time for fooling around and
there’s a gang of murderers in yonder, and if we don’t hunt
up their boat and set her drifting down the river so these
moaning. There’s a gang of murderers inside. If we
don’t find their boat and set it loose so these guys
fellows can’t get away from the wreck there’s one of ’em
can’t get away, one of them is going to get murdered.
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going to be in a bad fix. But if we find their boat we can put
ALL of ’em in a bad fix—for the sheriff ’ll get ’em. Quick—
But if we find their boat, then they’ll all be stuck and
the sheriff can arrest them. Quick, hurry! I’ll look for
hurry! I’ll hunt the labboard side, you hunt the stabboard.
You start at the raft, and—”
their boat on the port side, and you hunt on the
starboard side. Get the raft ready, and….”
“Oh, my lordy, lordy! RAF’? Dey ain’ no raf’ no mo’; she
done broke loose en gone I—en here we is!”
“Oh lordy, lordy! Raft?! There’s no raft! It’s broken
loose and gone. Now we’re stuck on this wreck, too!”
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WELL, I catched my breath and most fainted. Shut up on a
wreck with such a gang as that! But it warn’t no time to be
I caught my breath and almost fainted. We were
trapped on a wrecked ship with a gang of murderers!
sentimentering. We’d GOT to find that boat now—had to
have it for ourselves. So we went a-quaking and shaking
But this wasn’t the time to get emotional. We HAD to
find that boat so that we could escape. We made our
down the stabboard side, and slow work it was, too—
seemed a week before we got to the stern. No sign of a
way down the starboard side, shaking with fear as we
went. It was slow work, and it seemed like a week
boat. Jim said he didn’t believe he could go any further—so
scared he hadn’t hardly any strength left, he said. But I said,
passed before we made it to the stern. No sign of a
boat, though. Jim said he didn’t believe he could make
come on, if we get left on this wreck we are in a fix, sure. So
on we prowled again. We struck for the stern of the texas,
it any further. He said he was so scared he hardly had
any strength left. But I said we had to continue
and found it, and then scrabbled along forwards on the
skylight, hanging on from shutter to shutter, for the edge of
because we’d be in trouble if we stayed on this wreck.
So we continued on. We headed toward the stern of
the skylight was in the water. When we got pretty close to
the cross-hall door there was the skiff, sure enough! I could
the cabin area. When we got there, we scrabbled
along toward the skylight in front. We hung on to the
just barely see her. I felt ever so thankful. In another second
I would a been aboard of her, but just then the door opened.
shutters because the edge of the skylight was in the
water. When we got pretty close to the hallway door,
One of the men stuck his head out only about a couple of
foot from me, and I thought I was gone; but he jerked it in
we saw the skiff! I could just make it out. I felt so
thankful that we’d found it. I was a second away from
again, and says:
climbing aboard when just then the door opened. One
of the men stuck his head out just a couple of feet
from me. I thought I was a deadman, but he jerked it
back in and said:
“Heave that blame lantern out o’ sight, Bill!”
“Put that damn lantern out, Bill!”
He flung a bag of something into the boat, and then got in
He flung a bag of something into the boat, and then
himself and set down. It was Packard. Then Bill HE come
out and got in. Packard says, in a low voice:
climbed in and sat down. It was Packard. Then Bill
came out and climbed aboard. Packard said in a low
voice:
“All ready—shove off!”
“All right—off we go!”
I couldn’t hardly hang on to the shutters, I was so weak. But
Bill says:
I was so weak that I could barely hang onto the
shutters. But I heard Bill say:
“Hold on—’d you go through him?”
“Hold on—did you do it?”
“No. Didn’t you?”
“No. Didn’t you?”
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“No. So he’s got his share o’ the cash yet.”
“No. So he’s still got his share of the cash?”
“Well, then, come along; no use to take truck and leave
“Well, come on then. No use in taking loot and leaving
money.”
money behind.”
“Say, won’t he suspicion what we’re up to?”
“Hey, won’t he suspect that we’re up to something?”
“Maybe he won’t. But we got to have it anyway. Come
along.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But we’ve got to get it—can’t just
leave it here. Come on.”
So they got out and went in.
So they got out of the boat, climbed back on board the
steamboat, and went back inside the cabins.
The door slammed to because it was on the careened side;
and in a half second I was in the boat, and Jim come
The door slammed shut because it was on the side of
the boat that was tilted upward. I jumped in the boat in
tumbling after me. I out with my knife and cut the rope, and
away we went!
a split second, and Jim came running after me. I got
out my knife, cut the rope, and away we went!
We didn’t touch an oar, and we didn’t speak nor whisper,
nor hardly even breathe. We went gliding swift along, dead
We didn’t touch the oars and we didn’t speak—not
even a whisper. We barely breathed. We glided along
silent, past the tip of the paddle-box, and past the stern;
then in a second or two more we was a hundred yards
quickly, dead silent, past the tip of the paddlewheel at
the stern. A second or two more and we were a
below the wreck, and the darkness soaked her up, every
last sign of her, and we was safe, and knowed it.
hundred yards downstream from the wreck. The
darkness swallowed it up, every bit of her. We e knew
we were safe.
When we was three or four hundred yards down-stream we
When we were three or four hundred yards
see the lantern show like a little spark at the texas door for a
second, and we knowed by that that the rascals had missed
downstream, we saw the lantern appear like a spark in
the darkness at the cabin door. We knew that the
their boat, and was beginning to understand that they was in
just as much trouble now as Jim Turner was.
scoundrels had realized their boat was gone and that
they were now in just as much trouble as Jim Turner.
Then Jim manned the oars, and we took out after our raft.
Now was the first time that I begun to worry about the
Jim started rowing, and we took off after our raft. I
began to worry about the men on the wreck—I guess I
men—I reckon I hadn’t had time to before. I begun to think
how dreadful it was, even for murderers, to be in such a fix. I
hadn’t had time to think about them before. I began to
think how awful it would be to be in their position, even
says to myself, there ain’t no telling but I might come to be a
murderer myself yet, and then how would I like it? So says I
if they were murderers. After all, I might become a
murderer like them one day? How would I like to be
to Jim:
stranded like that? So I turned to Jim and said:
“The first light we see we’ll land a hundred yards below it or
“The first light on shore that we see we’ll go back and
above it, in a place where it’s a good hiding-place for you
and the skiff, and then I’ll go and fix up some kind of a yarn,
land a hundred yards up or downstream from it. We’ll
find a good hiding place for you and the skiff. Then I’ll
and get somebody to go for that gang and get them out of
their scrape, so they can be hung when their time comes.”
make up a good story to convince somebody to go out
to that wreck to rescue the gang. That way, they can
be hanged when their time comes.”
But that idea was a failure; for pretty soon it begun to storm
But that idea turned out to be a failure. The storm
again, and this time worse than ever. The rain poured down,
and never a light showed; everybody in bed, I reckon. We
soon picked up again, and this time it was worse than
before. The rain poured down, we couldn’t see any
boomed along down the river, watching for lights and
lights on shore. I suppose everyone was in bed. We
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watching for our raft. After a long time the rain let up, but the
clouds stayed, and the lightning kept whimpering, and by
drifted downstream, watching for lights and our raft.
After a long time, the rain finally left up. The clouds
and by a flash showed us a black thing ahead, floating, and
we made for it.
remained, though, and the lightning kept flashing.
Pretty soon we could see something black floating
ahead of us in the river. We headed for it.
It was the raft, and mighty glad was we to get aboard of it
It was the raft. We were so glad to get back on board.
again. We seen a light now away down to the right, on
shore. So I said I would go for it. The skiff was half full of
We saw a light to the right on the shore, so I said we
should head toward it. The skiff was half full of the loot
plunder which that gang had stole there on the wreck. We
hustled it on to the raft in a pile, and I told Jim to float along
that the gang had stolen from the wreck, so we piled
all up on the raft. I told Jim to stay on the raft and float
down, and show a light when he judged he had gone about
two mile, and keep it burning till I come; then I manned my
about two miles downstream. There, he should make
a fire and keep it burning til I came back. I picked up
oars and shoved for the light. As I got down towards it three
or four more showed—up on a hillside. It was a village. I
the oars in the skiff and started rowing toward the light
on the shore. As I got closer, I could see a few more
closed in above the shore light, and laid on my oars and
floated. As I went by I see it was a lantern hanging on the
lights and realized it was a village up on a hillside. I
continued heading toward the light and as I got closer,
jackstaff of a double-hull ferryboat. I skimmed around for the
watchman, a-wondering whereabouts he slept; and by and
I saw that it was a lantern hangingin on a ferry. I
looked for the ferry’s watchman, wondering where
by I found him roosting on the bitts forward, with his head
down between his knees. I gave his shoulder two or three
he’d be sleeping. Eventually I found him sitting near
the bitts at the front of the boat. He was asleep with
little shoves, and begun to cry.
his head resting between his knees. I nudged his
shoulder two or three times and began to cry.
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He stirred up in a kind of a startlish way; but when he see it
was only me he took a good gap and stretch, and then he
He woke up startled, but when he saw who it was, he
only yawned and stretched. Then he said:
says:
“Hello, what’s up? Don’t cry, bub. What’s the trouble?”
“Hey, what’s up? Don’t cry, kid. What’s the matter?”
I says:
I said:
“Pap, and mam, and sis, and—”
“Pap and mom and my sis, and….”
Then I broke down. He says:
Then I broke down in tears. He said:
“Oh, dang it now, DON’T take on so; we all has to have our
“Come now, don’t cry like that. We all have our
troubles, and this ’n ’ll come out all right. What’s the matter
with ’em?”
problems, and yours will work out in the end. What’s
the matter with your family?”
“They’re—they’re—are you the watchman of the boat?”
“They’re… they’re…. Are you the watchman of the
boat?”
“Yes,” he says, kind of pretty-well-satisfied like. “I’m the
captain and the owner and the mate and the pilot and
“Yes,” he said in a self-satisified way. “I’m the captain,
owner, mate, pilot, watchman, and head deck-hand of
watchman and head deck-hand; and sometimes I’m the
freight and passengers. I ain’t as rich as old Jim Hornback,
this ferry. And sometimes I’m the cargo and the
passengers too. I’m not as rich as that guy Jim
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and I can’t be so blame’ generous and good to Tom, Dick,
and Harry as what he is, and slam around money the way
Hornback, and I can’t go throwing money around to
every Tom, Dick, and Harry like he can. But I’ve told
he does; but I’ve told him a many a time ’t I wouldn’t trade
places with him; for, says I, a sailor’s life’s the life for me,
him many times that I would never trade places with
him. I say the sailor’s life is the life for me, and I’ll be
and I’m derned if I’D live two mile out o’ town, where there
ain’t nothing ever goin’ on, not for all his spondulicks and as
darned if I’d live two miles out of town where nothing
exciting ever happens. No, I wouldn’t, not for all the
much more on top of it. Says I—”
riches in the world, says I….”
I broke in and says:
I interrupted him and said:
“They’re in an awful peck of trouble, and—”
“They’re in an awful lot of trouble and….”
“WHO is?”
“WHO is?”
“Why, pap and mam and sis and Miss Hooker; and if you’d
take your ferryboat and go up there—”
“My pap and mom and sis and Miss Hooker. And if
you’d take your ferryboat and go up there….”
“Up where? Where are they?”
“Up where? Where are they?”
“On the wreck.”
“On the wreck.”
“What wreck?”
“What wreck?”
“Why, there ain’t but one.”
“Well, there’s only one!”
“What, you don’t mean the Walter Scott?”
“What, you don’t mean the wreck of the steamboat
Walter Scott?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Good land! what are they doin’ THERE, for gracious
“Good God! What are they doing there, for goodness
sakes?”
sake?”
“Well, they didn’t go there a-purpose.”
“Well, they didn’t go there on purpose.”
“I bet they didn’t! Why, great goodness, there ain’t no
chance for ’em if they don’t git off mighty quick! Why, how in
“I’m sure they didn’t! My God, they don’t stand a
chance if I don’t get them off there fast enough! Why,
the nation did they ever git into such a scrape?”
how in the world did they ever get into such a mess?”
“Easy enough. Miss Hooker was a-visiting up there to the
“Well, Miss Hooker visiting in the town up there….”
town—”
“Yes, Booth’s Landing—go on.”
“You mean Booth’s Landing. Go on.”
“She was a-visiting there at Booth’s Landing, and just in the
edge of the evening she started over with her nigger woman
“She was visiting Booth’s Landing, and around
evening she started to head back across the river in
in the horse-ferry to stay all night at her friend’s house, Miss
What-you-may-call-her I disremember her name—and they
the horse ferry with her n----- woman to stay the night
with her friend, Miss What’s-her-name—I can’t
lost their steering-oar, and swung around and went afloating down, stern first, about two mile, and saddle-
remember. Anyway, the ferry lost its steering oar and
swung around and went floating down the river, stern
baggsed on the wreck, and the ferryman and the nigger
woman and the horses was all lost, but Miss Hooker she
first, for about two miles until it ran into the wreck. The
ferryman and the n----- woman and the horses were
made a grab and got aboard the wreck. Well, about an hour
after dark we come along down in our trading-scow, and it
lost, but Miss Hooker was able to grab hold of the
wreck and climb aboard. About an hour after nightfall
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was so dark we didn’t notice the wreck till we was right on it;
and so WE saddle-baggsed; but all of us was saved but Bill
my family and I came along on our trading skiff. It was
so dark that we didn’t notice the wreck until we’d run
Whipple—and oh, he WAS the best cretur!—I most wish ’t it
had been me, I do.”
into it ourselves. Everyone survived, except Bill
Whipple—oh, he was the nicest guy! I wish I’d died
instead of him!”
“My George! It’s the beatenest thing I ever struck. And
“My word! That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!
THEN what did you all do?”
What did you all do after that?”
“Well, we hollered and took on, but it’s so wide there we
“Well, we yelled and carried on to get someone’s
couldn’t make nobody hear. So pap said somebody got to
get ashore and get help somehow. I was the only one that
attention, but the river is so wide that no one could
hear us. So pap said someone had to go ashore to get
could swim, so I made a dash for it, and Miss Hooker she
said if I didn’t strike help sooner, come here and hunt up her
help. I was the only one that could swim, so I went for
it. Miss Hooker said that if I couldn’t get anyone to
uncle, and he’d fix the thing. I made the land about a mile
below, and been fooling along ever since, trying to get
help me, I should come here and find her uncle, who’d
help. I reached the shore about a mile downstream,
people to do something, but they said, ’What, in such a night
and such a current? There ain’t no sense in it; go for the
and have been running around trying to get someone
to help. But no one would help me. They just say,
steam ferry.’ Now if you’ll go and—”
‘What? On a night like this with the current as strong
as it is? It wouldn’t be any use trying. Go for the steam
ferry.’ Now, if you’d go and….”
“By Jackson, I’d LIKE to, and, blame it, I don’t know but I
“By George, I’d LIKE to help you, but, darn it, I don’t
will; but who in the dingnation’s a-going’ to PAY for it? Do
you reckon your pap—”
know if I can. But who in the world is going to PAY for
it? You imagine your pap can….”
“Why THAT’S all right. Miss Hooker she tole me,
PARTICULAR, that her uncle Hornback—”
“Oh that’s no problem. Miss Hooker told me
specifically that her Uncle Hornback….”
“Great guns! is HE her uncle? Looky here, you break for that
light over yonder-way, and turn out west when you git there,
“Great God! Hornback is her uncle? Look here, then.
You head for that light over there. Turn west and go
and about a quarter of a mile out you’ll come to the tavern;
tell ’em to dart you out to Jim Hornback’s, and he’ll foot the
for about a quarter of a mile until you come to the
tavern. Tell them to send you out to Jim Hornback’s,
bill. And don’t you fool around any, because he’ll want to
know the news. Tell him I’ll have his niece all safe before he
and he’ll pay the bill. And don’t waste any time getting
there, because he’ll want to hear the news. Tell him
can get to town. Hump yourself, now; I’m a-going up around
the corner here to roust out my engineer.”
that I’ll have his niece safe and sound before he can
get to town. Hurry up now. I’m going up around the
corner to wake up my engineer.”
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I struck for the light, but as soon as he turned the corner I
I headed out toward the light, but, as soon as he
went back and got into my skiff and bailed her out, and then
pulled up shore in the easy water about six hundred yards,
turned the corner, I went back and got into the skiff. I
drifted in the smooth water along the shore for about
and tucked myself in among some woodboats; for I couldn’t
rest easy till I could see the ferryboat start. But take it all
six hundred yards, then wedged the skiff in among
some other wooden boats. I wasn’t going to be able to
around, I was feeling ruther comfortable on accounts of
taking all this trouble for that gang, for not many would a
relax until I actually saw the ferry leave. For the most
part, I was feeling pretty good for having gone out of
done it. I wished the widow knowed about it. I judged she
my way to rescue that gang. Not many people would
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would be proud of me for helping these rapscallions,
because rapscallions and dead beats is the kind the widow
have done it. I wished the widow knew what I had
done. I thought she’d be proud of me for helping those
and good people takes the most interest in.
scoundrels, because scoundrels and deadbeats are
the kinds of people that the widow and other good
people are the most interested in helping.
Well, before long here comes the wreck, dim and dusky,
Well, before long I saw the steamboat wreck itself
sliding along down! A kind of cold shiver went through me,
and then I struck out for her. She was very deep, and I see
come floating down the river! A cold shiver ran
through me, and I took the skiff and headed toward
in a minute there warn’t much chance for anybody being
alive in her. I pulled all around her and hollered a little, but
her. The boat had sunk pretty deep, and I knew in a
moment that anyone inside was probably dead. I
there wasn’t any answer; all dead still. I felt a little bit heavyhearted about the gang, but not much, for I reckoned if they
rowed all around the wreck, calling out to anyone still
inside, but I didn’t get an answer. Everything was
could stand it I could.
dead quiet. I felt a little heavy-hearted about the gang,
but not for long. I figured that if they could be firm
about these things, so could I.
Then here comes the ferryboat; so I shoved for the middle of
Then I saw the ferryboat coming along, so I headed,
the river on a long down-stream slant; and when I judged I
was out of eye-reach I laid on my oars, and looked back and
pointed diagonally, out toward the middle of the river.
When I figured I was out of sight, I started rowing. I
see her go and smell around the wreck for Miss Hooker’s
remainders, because the captain would know her uncle
looked back and saw the ferry searching for any sign
of Miss Hooker’s remains, since the captain knew her
Hornback would want them; and then pretty soon the
ferryboat give it up and went for the shore, and I laid into my
uncle Hornback would want them. Eventually, the ferry
gave up and went back to shore. I focused on rowing
work and went a-booming down the river.
and went zipping down the river.
It did seem a powerful long time before Jim’s light showed
It seemed a might long time before I saw Jim’s light. It
up; and when it did show it looked like it was a thousand
mile off. By the time I got there the sky was beginning to get
seemed a thousand miles away when I finally saw it.
The sky was beginning to get a little gray in the east
a little gray in the east; so we struck for an island, and hid
the raft, and sunk the skiff, and turned in and slept like dead
by the time I got there, so we headed for an island.
We hid the raft, sunk the skiff, went to bed, and slept
people.
like the dead.
Chapter 14
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BY and by, when we got up, we turned over the truck the
After we woke up, we looked through the loot the gang
gang had stole off of the wreck, and found boots, and
blankets, and clothes, and all sorts of other things, and a lot
had stolen from the wreck. We found boots, blankets,
clothes, books, a spyglass, three boxes of cigars, and
of books, and a spyglass, and three boxes of seegars. We
hadn’t ever been this rich before in neither of our lives. The
all sorts of other things. Neither of us had ever in our
lives been this rich before. The cigars were excellent.
seegars was prime. We laid off all the afternoon in the
woods talking, and me reading the books, and having a
We spent the entire afternoon talking in the woods. I
read the books, and we had a great time. I told Jim
general good time. I told Jim all about what happened inside
the wreck and at the ferryboat, and I said these kinds of
everything that had happened in the wreck and at the
ferry. I explained that these were adventures, but he
things was adventures; but he said he didn’t want no more
adventures. He said that when I went in the texas and he
said he didn’t want to have any more adventures. He
said that he’d nearly died when I went in the cabin and
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crawled back to get on the raft and found her gone he nearly
died, because he judged it was all up with HIM anyway it
when he crawled back to the raft and found it gone.
He figured he was screwed either way: If no one was
could be fixed; for if he didn’t get saved he would get
drownded; and if he did get saved, whoever saved him
around to save him he’d drown, but if someone did
save him then they’d turn him in to collect the reward.
would send him back home so as to get the reward, and
then Miss Watson would sell him South, sure. Well, he was
Then Miss Watson would definitely sell him to
someone in the South. Well, he was right, as usual.
right; he was most always right; he had an uncommon level
head for a nigger.
That’s pretty much what would have happened. He
was pretty smart for a n-----.
I read considerable to Jim about kings and dukes and earls
and such, and how gaudy they dressed, and how much style
I read to Jim quite a lot about kings and dukes and
earls and all. I read about how they dressed flashy,
they put on, and called each other your majesty, and your
grace, and your lordship, and so on, ’stead of mister; and
put on airs, and called each other names like your
majesty, your grace, your lordship, instead of mister.
Jim’s eyes bugged out, and he was interested. He says:
Jim was so interested that his eyes bugged out. He
said:
“I didn’ know dey was so many un um. I hain’t hearn ’bout
none un um, skasely, but ole King Sollermun, onless you
“I didn’t know there were so many of them. I’ve hardly
heard of any royalty, except old King Solomon. That
counts dem kings dat’s in a pack er k’yards. How much do a
king git?”
is, unless you count the kings that are in a pack of
cards. How much money does a king make?”
“Get?” I says; “why, they get a thousand dollars a month if
they want it; they can have just as much as they want;
“Make?” I said. “Why, they can make a thousand
dollars a month if they want. They can have all the
everything belongs to them.”
money they want since everything belongs to them.”
“AIN’ dat gay? En what dey got to do, Huck?”
“Isn’t that something? And what do they have to do to
get that money, Huck?”
“THEY don’t do nothing! Why, how you talk! They just set
“What are you talking about?! THEY don’t do
around.”
anything! They just sit around.”
“No; is dat so?”
“No way! Really?”
“Of course it is. They just set around—except, maybe, when
there’s a war; then they go to the war. But other times they
“Of course. They just sit around, except maybe when
there’s a war. Then they go to war. But usually they
just lazy around; or go hawking—just hawking and sp—
Sh!—d’ you hear a noise?”
just sit around being lazy. Or they go hawking and
sp…. Sh! Did you hear a noise?”
We skipped out and looked; but it warn’t nothing but the
flutter of a steamboat’s wheel away down, coming around
We left our hiding spot and looked around, but the
noise turned out to be the flutter of the paddles on a
the point; so we come back.
distant steamboat that just coming around the point.
So we went back.
“Yes,” says I, “and other times, when things is dull, they fuss
with the parlyment; and if everybody don’t go just so he
“Yes,” I said. “And other times, when things get slow
and boring, they mess around with parliament. And if
whacks their heads off. But mostly they hang round the
harem.”
the people don’t do exactly what he says, he just
whacks off their heads. But usually they just hang out
in the harem.”
“Roun’ de which?”
“Hang out where?”
“Harem.”
“The harem.”
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“What’s de harem?”
“What’s the harem?”
“The place where he keeps his wives. Don’t you know about
“That’s the place where the king keeps his wives.
the harem? Solomon had one; he had about a million
wives.”
Don’t you know about harems? Solomon had one with
about a million wives.”
“Why, yes, dat’s so; I—I’d done forgot it. A harem’s a bo’d’nhouse, I reck’n. Mos’ likely dey has rackety times in de
“Yeah, that’s true. I’d completely forgotten about that.
A harem is a boarding house, I guess. The nursery is
nussery. En I reck’n de wives quarrels considable; en dat
’crease de racket. Yit dey say Sollermun de wises’ man dat
probably pretty noisy. And I bet the wives fight all the
time, making it even noisier. And still they say
ever live’. I doan’ take no stock in dat. Bekase why would a
wise man want to live in de mids’ er sich a blim-blammin’ all
Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived. I don’t
believe it. Why would a wise man want to live in the
de time? No—’deed he wouldn’t. A wise man ’ud take en
buil’ a biler-factry; en den he could shet DOWN de biler-
midst of all that craziness? No, he probably wouldn’t.
A wise man would build himself a boiler factory where
factry when he want to res’.”
he could go when he wanted to rest.”
“Well, but he WAS the wisest man, anyway; because the
“Well, whatever. He WAS the wisest man, since that’s
widow she told me so, her own self.”
what the widow told me so herself.”
“I doan k’yer what de widder say, he WARN’T no wise man
“He wasn’t a wise man. I don’t care what the widow
nuther. He had some er de dad-fetchedes’ ways I ever see.
Does you know ’bout dat chile dat he ’uz gwyne to chop in
says. He had the strangest ways of doing things that
I’ve ever heard of. You know about that child that he
two?”
was going to chop in two?”
“Yes, the widow told me all about it.”
“Yes, the widow told me about that.”
“WELL, den! Warn’ dat de beatenes’ notion in de worl’? You
jes’ take en look at it a minute. Dah’s de stump, dah—dat’s
“Well there you go! Wasn’t that the craziest thing in
the whole world? Just think about it a minute. Let’s
one er de women; heah’s you—dat’s de yuther one; I’s
Sollermun; en dish yer dollar bill’s de chile. Bofe un you
say that stump over there was one of the women, and
that other one was you. I’m Solomon, and this dollar
claims it. What does I do? Does I shin aroun’ mongs’ de
neighbors en fine out which un you de bill DO b’long to, en
bill is the child. Both you and the other woman say it’s
yours. What do I do? Do I ask all the neighbors to find
han’ it over to de right one, all safe en soun’, de way dat
anybody dat had any gumption would? No; I take en whack
out which one of you the bill belongs to and then give
it safe and sound to the right one? That’s what any
de bill in TWO, en give half un it to you, en de yuther half to
de yuther woman. Dat’s de way Sollermun was gwyne to do
person with common sense would do. But, no.
Instead, I’d whack the bill in two and give one half to
wid de chile. Now I want to ast you: what’s de use er dat half
a bill?—can’t buy noth’n wid it. En what use is a half a chile?
you and one half to the other woman. That’s what
Solomon was going to do with the child. Now I ask
I wouldn’ give a dern for a million un um.”
you: What’s the use of half a dollar bill? You can’t buy
anything with it. And what’s the use of half a child? I
wouldn’t care for a million of them.”
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“But hang it, Jim, you’ve clean missed the point—blame it,
“But, man, Jim. You missed the whole point—missed it
you’ve missed it a thousand mile.”
by a thousand miles.”
“Who? Me? Go ’long. Doan’ talk to me ’bout yo’ pints. I
“Who? Me? Get outta here. Don’t talk to me about
reck’n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain’ no sense in
sich doin’s as dat. De ’spute warn’t ’bout a half a chile, de
your points. I imagine I know common sense when I
see it, and there isn’t any sense in that. The women’s
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’spute was ’bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin
settle a ’spute ’bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan’
dispute wasn’t about half a child, it was about a whole
child. And any man who thinks he can settle a dispute
know enough to come in out’n de rain. Doan’ talk to me
’bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back.”
about a whole child by giving a woman half a child
wouldn’t be smart enough to know to come inside
when it rains. Don’t talk to man any more about
Solomon, Huck. I know enough already.”
“But I tell you you don’t get the point.”
“But I’m telling you you’re not getting the point.”
“Blame de point! I reck’n I knows what I knows. En mine
“Damn the point! I know what I know. Besides, the real
you, de REAL pint is down furder—it’s down deeper. It lays
in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat’s got
point is even deeper than that. It all goes back to the
way Solomon was raised. For example, take a man
on’y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o’
chillen? No, he ain’t; he can’t ’ford it. HE know how to value
who’s got only one or two children. Is that man going
to be wasteful with kids? No, he isn’t—he can’t afford
’em. But you take a man dat’s got ’bout five million chillen
runnin’ roun’ de house, en it’s diffunt. HE as soon chop a
to be. He knows the value of a child. But it’s different
with a man who’s got about five million children
chile in two as a cat. Dey’s plenty mo’. A chile er two, mo’ er
less, warn’t no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!”
running around the house. HE would just as soon
chop a child in two as he would a cat, since he has
plenty of other kids. A child or two aren’t that important
to Solomon, darn it.”
I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head
once, there warn’t no getting it out again. He was the most
I never saw such a n-----. Once he got an idea in his
head, there was no use trying to get it out. He disliked
down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to
talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about
Solomon more than any other n----- I ever knew. So I
dropped the topic of Solomon and started talking
Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time
ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a
about other kings. I told him about Louis XVI, who got
his head chopped off in France a long time ago. And I
king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he
died there.
talked about his son, the dolphin, who would have
been king if he hadn’t been shut up in jail. Some say
he died there.
“Po’ little chap.”
“Poor little kid.”
“But some says he got out and got away, and come to
America.”
“But others say he escaped and came to America.”
“Dat’s good! But he’ll be pooty lonesome—dey ain’ no kings
here, is dey, Huck?”
“Well that’s good! But he’ll be pretty lonesome here.
There aren’t any kings here, are there, Huck?”
“No.”
“No.”
“Den he cain’t git no situation. What he gwyne to do?”
“Then he can’t go back to the way of life he’s used to.
What’s he going to do?”
“Well, I don’t know. Some of them gets on the police, and
“Well, I don’t know. Some of them become policemen
some of them learns people how to talk French.”
and others teach people how to speak French.”
“Why, Huck, doan’ de French people talk de same way we
“What do you mean, Huck? Don’t the French people
does?”
talk the same way we do?”
“NO, Jim; you couldn’t understand a word they said—not a
“NO, Jim. You can’t understand a word the French
single word.”
say. Not a single word.”
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“Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?”
“Well I’ll be damned! How did that come to be?”
“I don’t know; but it’s so. I got some of their jabber out of a
“I don’t know, but it’s true. I learned some of their
book. S’pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voofranzy—what would you think?”
nonsense out of a book. Suppose a man came up to
you and said, Polly voo franzy. What would you think
about that?”
“I wouldn’ think nuff’n; I’d take en bust him over de head—
“I wouldn’t think at all. I’d hit him over the head—if
dat is, if he warn’t white. I wouldn’t ’low no nigger to call me
dat.”
he’s not a white man, that is. I wouldn’t allow a n----- to
call me a name like that.”
“Shucks, it ain’t calling you anything. It’s only saying, do you
know how to talk French?”
“Shucks, Jim. He wouldn’t be calling you a name. He’d
only be saying, ‘Do you speak French?’”
“Well, den, why couldn’t he SAY it?”
“Well then why wouldn’t he just SAY that?”
“Why, he IS a-saying it. That’s a Frenchman’s WAY of
“But he IS saying that. That’s the way a Frenchman
saying it.”
says it.”
“Well, it’s a blame ridicklous way, en I doan’ want to hear no
“Well, he’s got a pretty ridiculous way of talking then.
mo’ ’bout it. Dey ain’ no sense in it.”
And I don’t want to hear any more about it. It doesn’t
make any sense.”
“Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?”
“Look, Jim. Does a cat talk like we do?”
“No, a cat don’t.”
“No, a cat doesn’t.”
“Well, does a cow?”
“Well, does a cow talk like we do?”
“No, a cow don’t, nuther.”
“No, a cow doesn’t either.”
“Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?”
“Does a cat talk like a cow? Does a cow talk like a
cat?”
“No, dey don’t.”
“No, they don’t.”
“It’s natural and right for ’em to talk different from each
“Isn’t it natural and proper that they talk differently
other, ain’t it?”
than each other?”
“Course.”
“Of course.”
“And ain’t it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk
different from US?”
“And isn’t it natural and proper that a cat and cow talk
differently from humans?”
“Why, mos’ sholy it is.”
“Why, of course it is.”
“Well, then, why ain’t it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN
“Well then, why isn’t it natural and proper for a
to talk different from us? You answer me that.”
Frenchman to talk differently than us? Answer me
that.”
“Is a cat a man, Huck?”
“Is a cat a man, Huck?”
“No.”
“No.”
“Well, den, dey ain’t no sense in a cat talkin’ like a man. Is a
cow a man?—er is a cow a cat?”
“Well then, it wouldn’t make any sense for a cat to talk
like a man. Is a cow a man? I mean, is a cow a cat?”
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“No, she ain’t either of them.”
“No, a cow is neither a man nor a cat.”
“Well, den, she ain’t got no business to talk like either one er
“Well then, a cow’s got no business talking like either
the yuther of ’em. Is a Frenchman a man?”
one of them. Is a Frenchman a man?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan’ he TALK like a man?
You answer me DAT!”
“Well, there you go! Darn it, then why doesn’t a
Frenchman TALK like a man? Answer me THAT!”
I see it warn’t no use wasting words—you can’t learn a
nigger to argue. So I quit.
I saw it was no use wasting words—you can’t teach a
n----- how to argue. So I quit.
Chapter 15
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WE judged that three nights more would fetch us to Cairo, at
the bottom of Illinois, where the Ohio River comes in, and
We figured that it would take three more nights to
reach the city of Cairo in southern Illinois. That’s
that was what we was after. We would sell the raft and get
on a steamboat and go way up the Ohio amongst the free
where the Ohio River empties into the Mississippi, and
it was the Ohio River we wanted. We could sell the raft
States, and then be out of trouble.
and take a steamboat up the Ohio River and into the
free states. Then we’d be out of trouble.
Well, the second night a fog begun to come on, and we
made for a towhead to tie to, for it wouldn’t do to try to run in
On the second night, it began to get foggy. It wouldn’t
make any sense to navigate in the fog, so we headed
a fog; but when I paddled ahead in the canoe, with the line
to make fast, there warn’t anything but little saplings to tie to.
toward a towhead to wait it out. I paddled ahead in the
canoe with a rope to tie the raft, but when I got ot the
I passed the line around one of them right on the edge of the
cut bank, but there was a stiff current, and the raft come
towhead, I found only little saplings. I threw the rope
around one of the saplings on the edge of the bank,
booming down so lively she tore it out by the roots and away
she went. I see the fog closing down, and it made me so
but the current was so strong that the raft came
zooming down and tore out the sapling by the roots. I
sick and scared I couldn’t budge for most a half a minute it
seemed to me—and then there warn’t no raft in sight; you
got sick and scared as the fog closed in and the raft
disappeared. I couldn’t see twenty yards ahead. I
couldn’t see twenty yards. I jumped into the canoe and run
back to the stern, and grabbed the paddle and set her back
stood frozen with fear for a moment, then I jumped
back into the canoe, ran to the stern, grabbed the oar,
a stroke. But she didn’t come. I was in such a hurry I hadn’t
untied her. I got up and tried to untie her, but I was so
and started paddling. But the canoe didn’t move. I’d
been in such a hurry that I forgot to untie it. I got out
excited my hands shook so I couldn’t hardly do anything
with them.
and tried to untie the canoe, but I was shaking so
much from excitement that my hands were useless.
As soon as I got started I took out after the raft, hot and
heavy, right down the towhead. That was all right as far as it
As soon as I got the canoe untied, I took off after the
raft. I paddled furiously along the bank of the towhead.
went, but the towhead warn’t sixty yards long, and the
minute I flew by the foot of it I shot out into the solid white
That part went fine, but the towhead wasn’t longer
than sixty yards, and the minute I got past the foot of,
fog, and hadn’t no more idea which way I was going than a
dead man.
it I shot out into the solid white fog. A dead man would
have had no better idea of which way he was going
than I did.
Thinks I, it won’t do to paddle; first I know I’ll run into the
I figured I’d be more likely to run into a bank or
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bank or a towhead or something; I got to set still and float,
and yet it’s mighty fidgety business to have to hold your
towhead if I paddled, so I didn’t. I decided to just sit
still and float, even though it was pretty nerve
hands still at such a time. I whooped and listened. Away
down there somewheres I hears a small whoop, and up
wracking to have to hold my hands still at a time like
that. I heard a small whooping sound from farther
comes my spirits. I went tearing after it, listening sharp to
hear it again. The next time it come I see I warn’t heading
down the river, and my spirits lifted. I started paddling
after it, listening carefully to hear it again. The next
for it, but heading away to the right of it. And the next time I
was heading away to the left of it—and not gaining on it
time I heard it, I realized I wasn’t headed straight
toward it, but away and to the right from it. The time
much either, for I was flying around, this way and that and
t’other, but it was going straight ahead all the time.
after that, I was heading to the left of it. And I wasn’t
gaining on it much, since I was paddling all over the
place instead of just heading straight for it.
I did wish the fool would think to beat a tin pan, and beat it
I wished that the fool would think to beat repeatedly on
all the time, but he never did, and it was the still places
between the whoops that was making the trouble for me.
a tin pan. The quiet times between the whoops are
what made it hard for me to steer. But he never did. I
Well, I fought along, and directly I hears the whoop BEHIND
me. I was tangled good now. That was somebody else’s
continued paddling until pretty soon I hear the whoops
BEHIND me. I was in a fix now. EitherI was hearing
whoop, or else I was turned around.
someone else’s whooping or I was turned completely
around.
I throwed the paddle down. I heard the whoop again; it was
behind me yet, but in a different place; it kept coming, and
I threw the paddle down. I heard the whoop again; it
was still behind me but in a different place. It kept
kept changing its place, and I kept answering, till by and by
it was in front of me again, and I knowed the current had
coming toward me, and changing its place. I kept
answering, and soon enough it was in front of me
swung the canoe’s head down-stream, and I was all right if
that was Jim and not some other raftsman hollering. I
again. Now I knew the current had swung the canoe’s
head down stream, and that I’d be alright as long as
couldn’t tell nothing about voices in a fog, for nothing don’t
look natural nor sound natural in a fog.
Jim was the one whooping and not some other guy. It
was hard to identify voices in the fog, since things
don’t look or sound natural.
The whooping went on, and in about a minute I come a-
The whooping continued. In a minute or so I realized I
booming down on a cut bank with smoky ghosts of big trees
on it, and the current throwed me off to the left and shot by,
was sliding across a steep bank with the smoky
ghosts of big trees on it. The current had thrown me
amongst a lot of snags that fairly roared, the currrent was
tearing by them so swift.
off to the left and was shooting by. The water was
roaring loudly as it passed through some snags.
In another second or two it was solid white and still again. I
set perfectly still then, listening to my heart thump, and I
After a second or two, things became solid white and
still again. I sat perfectly still, listening to my heart
reckon I didn’t draw a breath while it thumped a hundred.
thump. I held my breath and I’ll bet my heart thumped
a hundred times before I breathed again.
I just give up then. I knowed what the matter was. That cut
bank was an island, and Jim had gone down t’other side of
At that point, I gave up. I figured out what was going
on. The steep bank was on an island, and Jim had
it. It warn’t no towhead that you could float by in ten minutes.
It had the big timber of a regular island; it might be five or six
floated down the other side of it. This wasn’t a
towhead that you could float past in ten minutes. It
miles long and more than half a mile wide.
was a regular island with big trees on it. It might be
five or six miles long and more than half a mile wide.
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I kept quiet, with my ears cocked, about fifteen minutes, I
reckon. I was floating along, of course, four or five miles an
I kept quiet with my ears cocked for what I imagine
was about fifteen minutes. I was still floating along at
hour; but you don’t ever think of that. No, you FEEL like you
are laying dead still on the water; and if a little glimpse of a
about four or five miles an hour, though I wasn’t really
didn’t notice. At a time like that, you FEEL like you’re
snag slips by you don’t think to yourself how fast YOU’RE
going, but you catch your breath and think, my! how that
sitting still on the water. If a see a snag slip past you
don’t think to yourself how fast YOU’RE going.
snag’s tearing along. If you think it ain’t dismal and
lonesome out in a fog that way by yourself in the night, you
Instead, you catch your breath and think about how
fast that snag is moving. If you don’t think it isn’t sad
try it once—you’ll see.
and loney being out in a fog by yourself at night, then
try it sometime. You’ll see what I mean.
Next, for about a half an hour, I whoops now and then; at
last I hears the answer a long ways off, and tries to follow it,
Well, I whooped every now and then for about half
and hour. At last, I heard another whoop answer me
but I couldn’t do it, and directly I judged I’d got into a nest of
towheads, for I had little dim glimpses of them on both sides
from a long ways off. I tried to follow it, but I couldn’t. I
figured I’d gotten caught in a patch of towheads, since
of me—sometimes just a narrow channel between, and
some that I couldn’t see I knowed was there because I’d
sometimes I’d catch little glimpses of the narrow little
channel between them. There were others that I
hear the wash of the current against the old dead brush and
trash that hung over the banks. Well, I warn’t long loosing
couldn’t see, but I could hear the sound of the current
against the old dead brush and trash that hung over
the whoops down amongst the towheads; and I only tried to
chase them a little while, anyway, because it was worse
their banks. Well, it wasn’t long before I lost the
whoops completely in the towheads. I briefly tried
than chasing a Jack-o’-lantern. You never knowed a sound
dodge around so, and swap places so quick and so much.
going after them, but it was harder to chase them than
it was a Jack o’lantern. You can’t imagine how much
the sound jumped around and changed places.
I had to claw away from the bank pretty lively four or five
I had to work to claw myself away from the bank four
times, to keep from knocking the islands out of the river; and
so I judged the raft must be butting into the bank every now
or five time, to keep from knocking too hard against
the towheads. I figured the raft must also be bumping
and then, or else it would get further ahead and clear out of
hearing—it was floating a little faster than what I was.
into the bank every now and then, otherwise it would
have gotten farther ahead and would have been clear
out of hearing range. The raft was floating a little
faster than I was.
Well, I seemed to be in the open river again by and by, but I
couldn’t hear no sign of a whoop nowheres. I reckoned Jim
Well, after a little while, I seemed to be back in the
open river, but I couldn’t hear any whooping sounds. I
had fetched up on a snag, maybe, and it was all up with him.
I was good and tired, so I laid down in the canoe and said I
figured Jim had gotten caught on a snag and that he
was a goner. I was pretty tired, so I lay back in the
wouldn’t bother no more. I didn’t want to go to sleep, of
course; but I was so sleepy I couldn’t help it; so I thought I
canoe and said it was no use trying anymore. I didn’t
want to go to sleep, of course. But I was so sleepy
would take jest one little cat-nap.
that I just couldn’t help it, so I decided to take a little
catnap.
But I reckon it was more than a cat-nap, for when I waked
up the stars was shining bright, the fog was all gone, and I
It turned out to be more than a cat nap, though. When
I woke up, the stars were shining bright. The fog was
was spinning down a big bend stern first. First I didn’t know
where I was; I thought I was dreaming; and when things
all gone, and I was spinning around a big bend stern
first. At first I didn’t know where I was, and I thought I
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began to come back to me they seemed to come up dim out
of last week.
was dreaming. But then things began to slowly come
back to me, as if everything that had happened took
place a long time ago.
It was a monstrous big river here, with the tallest and the
The river was extremely wide at this point. The tall,
thickest kind of timber on both banks; just a solid wall, as
well as I could see by the stars. I looked away down-stream,
thick trees growing on both riverbanks formted a solid
wall that blocked out the stars. I looked far down
and seen a black speck on the water. I took after it; but
when I got to it it warn’t nothing but a couple of sawlogs
stream and saw a black speck on the water. I took off
after it, but when I reached it, I saw that it was only a
made fast together. Then I see another speck, and chased
that; then another, and this time I was right. It was the raft.
couple of sawed logs stuck together. Then I saw
another speck and chased after that one too. This
time I was right—it was the raft.
When I got to it Jim was setting there with his head down
When I got to it, Jim was sitting there asleep with his
between his knees, asleep, with his right arm hanging over
the steering-oar. The other oar was smashed off, and the
head down between his knees and his right arm
hanging over the steering oar. The other oar had
raft was littered up with leaves and branches and dirt. So
she’d had a rough time.
smashed off, and the raft was littered with leaves and
branches and dirt. The raft looked like it’d had rough
time coming down the river.
I made fast and laid down under Jim’s nose on the raft, and
I tied the canoe to the raft, then lay down on the raft at
began to gap, and stretch my fists out against Jim, and
says:
Jim’s feet. I began to yawn, and I stretched my fists
out against Jim and said:
“Hello, Jim, have I been asleep? Why didn’t you stir me up?”
“Hello, Jim. Have I been asleep? Why didn’t you wake
me up?”
“Goodness gracious, is dat you, Huck? En you ain’ dead—
you ain’ drownded—you’s back agin? It’s too good for true,
“Goodness gracious! Is that you, Huck? And you
aren’t dead—you didn’t drown. You’re back? It’s too
honey, it’s too good for true. Lemme look at you chile,
lemme feel o’ you. No, you ain’ dead! you’s back agin, ’live
good to be true, pal, too good to be true. Let me look
at you, child. Let me feel you. No, you aren’t dead!
en soun’, jis de same ole Huck—de same ole Huck, thanks
to goodness!”
You’re back, alive and well. You’re just the same old
Huck—the same old Huck! Thank God!”
“What’s the matter with you, Jim? You been a-drinking?”
“What’s the matter with you, Jim? Have you been
drinking?”
“Drinkin’? Has I ben a-drinkin’? Has I had a chance to be adrinkin’?”
“Drinking? Have I been drinking? Have I had the
chance to drink?”
“Well, then, what makes you talk so wild?”
“Well then, why are you talking so crazy?”
“How does I talk wild?”
“What do you mean crazy? Do I sound like I’m crazy?”
“HOW? Why, hain’t you been talking about my coming back,
and all that stuff, as if I’d been gone away?”
“DO YOU? Haven’t you been talking about me coming
back and all? As if I’d been gone?”
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“Huck—Huck Finn, you look me in de eye; look me in de
“Huck. Huck Finn. You look me in the eye. Look me in
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eye. HAIN’T you ben gone away?”
the eye. HAVEN’T you been gone?”
“Gone away? Why, what in the nation do you mean? I hain’t
“Gone? Why, what do you mean? I haven’t been gone
been gone anywheres. Where would I go to?”
at all. Where would I go?”
“Well, looky here, boss, dey’s sumf’n wrong, dey is. Is I ME,
“Well, look here, boss. There’s something funny going
or who IS I? Is I heah, or whah IS I? Now dat’s what I wants
to know.”
on, there sure is. Am I ME? Who AM me? Am I here
or not? Now that’s what I want to know.”
“Well, I think you’re here, plain enough, but I think you’re a
tangle-headed old fool, Jim.”
“Well, it’s pretty obvious you’re here, but I think you’re
a mixed up old fool, Jim.”
“I is, is I? Well, you answer me dis: Didn’t you tote out de
line in de canoe fer to make fas’ to de tow-head?”
“I am, am I? Well, answer me this: Didn’t you get out
the rope in the canoe so that we could tie ourselves
up to the towhead?”
“No, I didn’t. What tow-head? I hain’t see no tow-head.”
“No, I didn’t. What towhead? I haven’t seen any
towheads.”
“You hain’t seen no towhead? Looky here, didn’t de line pull
“You haven’t seen any towheads? Look here. Didn’t
loose en de raf’ go a-hummin’ down de river, en leave you
en de canoe behine in de fog?”
the rope pull loose and the raft go sliding down the
river and leave you and the canoe behind in the fog?”
“What fog?”
“What fog?”
“Why, de fog!—de fog dat’s been aroun’ all night. En didn’t
“Why, the fog! The fog that’s been around all night.
you whoop, en didn’t I whoop, tell we got mix’ up in de
islands en one un us got los’ en t’other one was jis’ as good
Didn’t you whoop, and didn’t I whoop until we got
mixed up in the islands? And then one of us got lost
as los’, ’kase he didn’ know whah he wuz? En didn’t I bust
up agin a lot er dem islands en have a terrible time en mos’
and the other one was as good as lost since he didn’t
know where he was? And didn’t I almost drown getting
git drownded? Now ain’ dat so, boss—ain’t it so? You
answer me dat.”
the raft through those islands? Now isn’t that what
happened, boss? Isn’t it? Answer me.”
“Well, this is too many for me, Jim. I hain’t seen no fog, nor
no islands, nor no troubles, nor nothing. I been setting here
“This is too much for me, Jim. I haven’t seen any fog,
or any islands, or trouble, or anything. I was sitting
talking with you all night till you went to sleep about ten
minutes ago, and I reckon I done the same. You couldn’t a
here talking with you all night until you went to sleep
about ten minutes ago. Then I suppose I did the
got drunk in that time, so of course you’ve been dreaming.”
same. You couldn’t have gotten drunk in that time, so
you must have been dreaming.”
“Dad fetch it, how is I gwyne to dream all dat in ten
minutes?”
“Come on, how could I dream all that in ten minutes?”
“Well, hang it all, you did dream it, because there didn’t any
of it happen.”
“Well, darn it, you did dream it because none of it
happened.”
“But, Huck, it’s all jis’ as plain to me as—”
“But Huck, it all seemed so real to me, just as plain
as….”
“It don’t make no difference how plain it is; there ain’t
nothing in it. I know, because I’ve been here all the time.”
“It doesn’t matter how plain it seemed. Your story isn’t.
I know because I’ve been here the whole time.”
Jim didn’t say nothing for about five minutes, but set there
Jim didn’t say anything for about five minutes. He just
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studying over it. Then he says:
sat there thinking it over. Then he said:
“Well, den, I reck’n I did dream it, Huck; but dog my cats ef it
“Well, then, I guess I did dream it, Huck. But I’ll be
ain’t de powerfullest dream I ever see. En I hain’t ever had
no dream b’fo’ dat’s tired me like dis one.”
damned if that wasn’t the most intense dream I’ve
ever had. And I’ve never had a dream before that’s
made me as tired as this one did.”
“Oh, well, that’s all right, because a dream does tire a body
“Oh, well that’s alright because dreams can really
like everything sometimes. But this one was a staving
dream; tell me all about it, Jim.”
wear you out sometimes. This one seems to have
been a doozy, though. Tell me all about it, Jim.”
So Jim went to work and told me the whole thing right
through, just as it happened, only he painted it up
So Jim started to tell me the whole story from
beginning to end. He told it just the way it had
considerable. Then he said he must start in and “’terpret” it,
because it was sent for a warning. He said the first towhead
happened, though he exaggerated quite a bit. Then he
said he needed to interpret the dream, because it was
stood for a man that would try to do us some good, but the
current was another man that would get us away from him.
meant to be some kind of warning. He said that the
first towhead represented a man that would try to help
The whoops was warnings that would come to us every now
and then, and if we didn’t try hard to make out to understand
us, but the current was another man that would take
us away from the first man. The whoops were
them they’d just take us into bad luck, ’stead of keeping us
out of it. The lot of towheads was troubles we was going to
warnings that would come to us every now and then. If
we didn’t try hard to figure out what they meant, we
get into with quarrelsome people and all kinds of mean folks,
but if we minded our business and didn’t talk back and
would end up having bad luck instead of good luck.
The area with a lot of towheads represented trouble
aggravate them, we would pull through and get out of the
fog and into the big clear river, which was the free States,
we were going to get into with some bad people. But if
we minded our own business and didn’t talk back or
and wouldn’t have no more trouble.
do anything to aggravate them, then we would pull
through the fog. We would make it into the open river,
which represented the free states.
It had clouded up pretty dark just after I got on to the raft,
It had gotten pretty cloudy shortly after I’d gotten on
but it was clearing up again now.
the raft, but it was starting to clear up again.
“Oh, well, that’s all interpreted well enough as far as it goes,
“Well, your interpretation is pretty good, Jim,” I said.
Jim,” I says; “but what does THESE things stand for?”
“But what do THESE things stand for?”
It was the leaves and rubbish on the raft and the smashed
I was referring to the smashed oar and the leaves and
oar. You could see them first-rate now.
debris on the raft. You could see them pretty clearly
now.
Jim looked at the trash, and then looked at me, and back at
the trash again. He had got the dream fixed so strong in his
Jim looked at the debris, then at me, then back at the
debris again. He’d gotten the dream fixed so firmly in
head that he couldn’t seem to shake it loose and get the
facts back into its place again right away. But when he did
his mind that he couldn’t let go of it and confront the
facts. But when he did piece it together and he
get the thing straightened around he looked at me steady
without ever smiling, and says:
realized what had really happened, he looked at me
with a serious expression and said:
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“What do dey stan’ for? I’se gwyne to tell you. When I got all
wore out wid work, en wid de callin’ for you, en went to
“What do they stand for? I’ll tell you. When I’d worn
myself out working so hard to call for you that I fell
sleep, my heart wuz mos’ broke bekase you wuz los’, en I
didn’ k’yer no’ mo’ what become er me en de raf’. En when I
asleep, my heart was completely broken because you
were lost. I didn’t care anymore about myself or the
wake up en fine you back agin, all safe en soun’, de tears
come, en I could a got down on my knees en kiss yo’ foot,
raft. Then I woke up and found you back again all safe
and sound, and I cried. I was so thankful that I could
I’s so thankful. En all you wuz thinkin’ ’bout wuz how you
could make a fool uv ole Jim wid a lie. Dat truck dah is
have gotten down on my knees and kissed your feet.
And all you were thinking about was how you could
TRASH; en trash is what people is dat puts dirt on de head
er dey fren’s en makes ’em ashamed.”
make a fool out of old Jim by lying to him. This stuff
here is TRASH. And trash is what people are who play
dirty tricks on their friends and make them feel
ashamed.”
Then he got up slow and walked to the wigwam, and went in
there without saying anything but that. But that was enough.
Then he got up slowly and walked to the wigwam. He
went in without saying another word, but what he’d
It made me feel so mean I could almost kissed HIS foot to
get him to take it back.
said had been enough. I felt so awful that I almost
kissed HIS feet to get him to take back what he’d said.
It was fifteen minutes before I could work myself up to go
and humble myself to a nigger; but I done it, and I warn’t
It took me fifteen minutes to work myself up to
apologize to a n-----. But I did it, and I wasn’t ashamed
ever sorry for it afterwards, neither. I didn’t do him no more
mean tricks, and I wouldn’t done that one if I’d a knowed it
of it afterwards. I never played any more mean tricks
on him after that, and I would have never played that
would make him feel that way.
one if I had known it would make him feel that way.
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WE slept most all day, and started out at night, a little ways
We slept most of the day and started out at night. We
behind monstrous long raft that was as long going by as a
procession. She had four long sweeps at each end, so we
were a little ways behind a monstrously long raft that
seemed as long as a funeral procession. It had four
judged she carried as many as thirty men, likely. She had
five big wigwams aboard, wide apart, and an open camp fire
long oars at each end, so we figured it could probably
carry about thirty men. On the deck were five big
in the middle, and a tall flag-pole at each end. There was a
power of style about her. It AMOUNTED to something being
wigwams spaced widely apart and an open campfire
in the middle. There were tall flagpoles at each end. It
a raftsman on such a craft as that.
had an impressive style to it. You were really
SOMEBODY if you were a raftsman on a raft like that.
We went drifting down into a big bend, and the night clouded
up and got hot. The river was very wide, and was walled
As the night was getting hot and cloudy, we drifted
down into a big bend. The river was very wide, and
with solid timber on both sides; you couldn’t see a break in it
hardly ever, or a light. We talked about Cairo, and wondered
thick forests formed a wall along both banks. You
could barely any light through the breaks in the trees.
whether we would know it when we got to it. I said likely we
wouldn’t, because I had heard say there warn’t but about a
We talked about the city of Cairo and wondered
whether we would know it when we reached it. I said
dozen houses there, and if they didn’t happen to have them
lit up, how was we going to know we was passing a town?
we probably wouldn’t because I’d heard that there
weren’t even a dozen houses there. If those houses
Jim said if the two big rivers joined together there, that
would show. But I said maybe we might think we was
weren’t lit up, how would we know we were passing
the town? Jim said we would know because the two
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passing the foot of an island and coming into the same old
river again. That disturbed Jim—and me too. So the
big rivers joined together there. I said that we might
mistakenly think we were passing the foot of an island
question was, what to do? I said, paddle ashore the first
time a light showed, and tell them pap was behind, coming
that runs down the middle of the river. That bothered
both of us. So the question was, what should we do? I
along with a trading-scow, and was a green hand at the
business, and wanted to know how far it was to Cairo. Jim
said that we should paddle ashore at first light and tell
everyone that pap was following us in a trading barge.
thought it was a good idea, so we took a smoke on it and
waited.
We could say that he was new to the business and
wanted to know how far it was to Cairo. Jim liked the
idea, so we had ourselves a smoke while we waited.
There warn’t nothing to do now but to look out sharp for the
All we could do at this point was to keep a sharp eye
town, and not pass it without seeing it. He said he’d be
mighty sure to see it, because he’d be a free man the
out for the town so as not to miss it. Jim said he
wouldn’t miss it because he’d be a free man the
minute he seen it, but if he missed it he’d be in a slave
country again and no more show for freedom. Every little
minute he saw it, but would be back in slave country
again without an ounce of freedom if he missed it.
while he jumps up and says:
Every now and then he’d jump up and say:
“Dah she is?”
“Is that it?”
But it warn’t. It was Jack-o’-lanterns, or lightning bugs; so he
set down again, and went to watching, same as before. Jim
But it wasn’t. It would only be jack o’lanterns or
lighting bugs. So he sat down and went back to
said it made him all over trembly and feverish to be so close
to freedom. Well, I can tell you it made me all over trembly
watching. Jim said it made him anxious and excited to
be so close to freedom. I can tell you, it made me
and feverish, too, to hear him, because I begun to get it
through my head that he WAS most free—and who was to
anxious and excited as well to hear him talk about it. I
began to start thinking that he WAS free. And who
blame for it? Why, ME. I couldn’t get that out of my
conscience, no how nor no way. It got to troubling me so I
was to blame for setting him free? ME. My conscience
was nagging me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t
couldn’t rest; I couldn’t stay still in one place. It hadn’t ever
come home to me before, what this thing was that I was
stop thinking about it. It bothered me so much that I
couldn’t relax; I couldn’t sit still. What I was doing
doing. But now it did; and it stayed with me, and scorched
me more and more. I tried to make out to myself that I warn’t
hadn’t dawned on me before, but now it did, and it
burned my conscience. I tried to convince myself that I
to blame, because I didn’t run Jim off from his rightful owner;
but it warn’t no use, conscience up and says, every time,
wasn’t to blame for setting Jim free because I didn’t
steal him from his rightful owner. But that didn’t help.
“But you knowed he was running for his freedom, and you
could a paddled ashore and told somebody.” That was so—I
My conscience kept saying, “But you knew he was
running toward freedom. You could have paddled him
couldn’t get around that noway. That was where it pinched.
Conscience says to me, “What had poor Miss Watson done
back to town and told someone.” This was true—I
couldn’t deny it no matter how hard I tried, and that’s
to you that you could see her nigger go off right under your
eyes and never say one single word? What did that poor old
what was bothering me. My conscience said to me,
“What did poor Miss Watson ever do to you that would
woman do to you that you could treat her so mean? Why,
she tried to learn you your book, she tried to learn you your
make you watch her n----- run away right in front of
your eyes and never say a word? What did that poor
manners, she tried to be good to you every way she knowed
how. THAT’S what she done.”
old woman do to you that could make you treat her so
badly? Why, she even tried to teach you how to read.
She tried to teach you manners. And she tried to be
good to you in every way she knew how. THAT’S what
she did.”
I got to feeling so mean and so miserable I most wished I
I started feeling so sad and so miserable that I almost
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was dead. I fidgeted up and down the raft, abusing myself to
myself, and Jim was fidgeting up and down past me. We
wished I were dead. I fidgeted and paced up and
down the raft, berating myself. Jim fidgeted and paced
neither of us could keep still. Every time he danced around
and says, “Dah’s Cairo!” it went through me like a shot, and I
up and down right along with me. Neither of us could
keep still. Every time he jumped around and said,
thought if it WAS Cairo I reckoned I would die of
miserableness.
“There’s Cairo!” it went through me like a gunshot. I
thought that if it WAS Cairo, I would die of sadness.
Jim talked out loud all the time while I was talking to myself.
He was saying how the first thing he would do when he got
Jim constantly talked out loud while I talked to myself.
He would say that the first thing he’d do when he got
to a free State he would go to saving up money and never
spend a single cent, and when he got enough he would buy
to a free state would be to start saving up money by
not spending a single cent. When he had saved
his wife, which was owned on a farm close to where Miss
Watson lived; and then they would both work to buy the two
enough money, he would buy his wife, who was
owned by a farm close to where Miss Watson lived.
children, and if their master wouldn’t sell them, they’d get an
Ab’litionist to go and steal them.
Then they would both work to buy their two children.
And if their master wouldn’t sell them, they’d get an
abolitionist to steal them.
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It most froze me to hear such talk. He wouldn’t ever dared to
It terrified me to hear such talk. He wouldn’t have
talk such talk in his life before. Just see what a difference it
made in him the minute he judged he was about free. It was
dared to say things like that before. You could just see
what a difference the idea of almost being free made
according to the old saying, “Give a nigger an inch and he’ll
take an ell.” Thinks I, this is what comes of my not thinking.
in him. It’s like the old saying, “Give a n----- an inch
and he’ll take a yard.” That’s what happens when you
Here was this nigger, which I had as good as helped to run
away, coming right out flat-footed and saying he would steal
don’t think, I thought to myself. Here was this n-----,
whom I’d helped to run away, saying flat out that he
his children—children that belonged to a man I didn’t even
know; a man that hadn’t ever done me no harm.
would steal his children—children that belonged to a
man I didn’t even know, a man that hadn’t harmed me
in any way.
I was sorry to hear Jim say that, it was such a lowering of
I was sorry to hear Jim talk like this. It made me lower
him. My conscience got to stirring me up hotter than ever,
until at last I says to it, “Let up on me—it ain’t too late yet—
my opinion of him. My conscience got to bothering me
more than ever until I finally told it, “Enough already.
I’ll paddle ashore at the first light and tell.” I felt easy and
happy and light as a feather right off. All my troubles was
Stop bothering me. It isn’t too late yet. I’ll paddle
ashore at the first light and tell someone.” Right away,
gone. I went to looking out sharp for a light, and sort of
singing to myself. By and by one showed. Jim sings out:
I felt much better. I felt as light as a feather, as if all my
troubles were gone. I began singing to myself as I
looked for any sign of light on the shore. Pretty soon, I
spotted one. Jim sang out:
“We’s safe, Huck, we’s safe! Jump up and crack yo’ heels!
Dat’s de good ole Cairo at las’, I jis knows it!”
“We’re safe, Huck, we’re safe! Jump up and dance!
There’s the good old city of Cairo at last, I just know
it!”
I says:
I said:
“I’ll take the canoe and go and see, Jim. It mightn’t be, you
“I’ll take the canoe and go and see, Jim. It might not
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know.”
be Cairo, you know.”
He jumped and got the canoe ready, and put his old coat in
He jumped up and got the canoe ready. He put his old
the bottom for me to set on, and give me the paddle; and as
I shoved off, he says:
coat in the bottom of it for me to sit on. He gave me
the paddle, and as I shoved off, he said:
“Pooty soon I’ll be a-shout’n’ for joy, en I’ll say, it’s all on
accounts o’ Huck; I’s a free man, en I couldn’t ever ben free
“Pretty soon, I’ll be shouting for joy, and I’ll say it’s all
because of Huck. I’m a free man, and I couldn’t have
ef it hadn’ ben for Huck; Huck done it. Jim won’t ever forgit
you, Huck; you’s de bes’ fren’ Jim’s ever had; en you’s de
been free if it hadn’t been for Huck—it was all Huck.
Jim won’t ever forget you, Huck. You’re the best friend
ONLY fren’ ole Jim’s got now.”
Jim’s ever had, and you’re the ONLY friend old Jim’s
got now.”
I was paddling off, all in a sweat to tell on him; but when he
says this, it seemed to kind of take the tuck all out of me. I
I was paddling off, anxious to tell on him, but when he
said this, it seemed to take the zip out of me. I went
went along slow then, and I warn’t right down certain
whether I was glad I started or whether I warn’t. When I was
along slowly after that. I was no longer sure whether
or not I was glad that I’d decided go ashore. When I
fifty yards off, Jim says:
was fifty yards away from the raft, Jim said:
“Dah you goes, de ole true Huck; de on’y white genlman dat
“There you go, that honest old Huck—the only white
ever kep’ his promise to ole Jim.”
gentleman that ever kept his promise to old Jim.”
Well, I just felt sick. But I says, I GOT to do it—I can’t get
Well, I just felt sick. But I told myself that I HAD to do
OUT of it. Right then along comes a skiff with two men in it
with guns, and they stopped and I stopped. One of them
turn him in—there was no getting out of it. Right then
a skiff came along with two men in it with guns. They
says:
stopped, and I stopped. One of them said:
“What’s that yonder?”
“What’s that over there?”
“A piece of a raft,” I says.
“A piece of a raft,” I said.
“Do you belong on it?”
“Does it belong to you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Any men on it?”
“Any men on it?”
“Only one, sir.”
“Only one, sir.”
“Well, there’s five niggers run off to-night up yonder, above
“Well, five n------ ran off tonight just up the river, above
the head of the bend. Is your man white or black?”
the head of the bend. Is your man white or black?”
I didn’t answer up prompt. I tried to, but the words wouldn’t
I didn’t answer promptly. I tried, but the words wouldn’t
come. I tried for a second or two to brace up and out with it,
but I warn’t man enough—hadn’t the spunk of a rabbit. I see
come. I tried for a second or two to brace myself and
just say it. But I wasn’t man enough—I didn’t have the
I was weakening; so I just give up trying, and up and says:
courage of a rabbit. I saw I was losing my strength, so
I just gave up trying, and said:
“He’s white.”
“He’s white.”
“I reckon we’ll go and see for ourselves.”
“I reckon we’ll go and see for ourselves.”
“I wish you would,” says I, “because it’s pap that’s there, and
maybe you’d help me tow the raft ashore where the light is.
“I wish you would,” I said, “because it’s my pap.
Maybe you could help me tow the raft ashore to that
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He’s sick—and so is mam and Mary Ann.”
light over there. He’s sick—and so is my mom and
Mary Ann.”
“Oh, the devil! we’re in a hurry, boy. But I s’pose we’ve got
to. Come, buckle to your paddle, and let’s get along.”
“The devil with you! We’re in a hurry, boy. But I
suppose we’ve got to. Come, start paddling, and let’s
get moving.”
I buckled to my paddle and they laid to their oars. When we
“I started paddling, and they began rowing with their
had made a stroke or two, I says:
oars. When we had made a couple of strokes, I said:
“Pap’ll be mighty much obleeged to you, I can tell you.
“Pap will be grateful to you, I promise. Everybody
Everybody goes away when I want them to help me tow the
raft ashore, and I can’t do it by myself.”
goes away when I ask them to help me get the raft
ashore. I can’t do it by myself.”
“Well, that’s infernal mean. Odd, too. Say, boy, what’s the
matter with your father?”
“Well, that’s awfully mean. Strange, too. Say, boy,
what’s the matter with your father?”
“It’s the—a—the—well, it ain’t anything much.”
“It’s the… ah… the uh… well… it’s not much.”
They stopped pulling. It warn’t but a mighty little ways to the
They stopped rowing. They were just
raft now. One says:
Q1111q`Chapter 17
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IN about a minute somebody spoke out of a window without
In a minute, a voice called out from an open window:
putting his head out, and says:
“Be done, boys! Who’s there?”
“That’s enough, boys! Who’s there?”
I says:
I said:
“It’s me.”
“It’s me.”
“Who’s me?”
“Who’s me?”
“George Jackson, sir.”
“George Jackson, sir.”
“What do you want?”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t want nothing, sir. I only want to go along by, but the
“I don’t want anything, sir. I was just walking by, but
dogs won’t let me.”
your dogs won’t let me.”
“What are you prowling around here this time of night for—
“What are you doing prowling around here at this time
hey?”
of night, huh?”
“I warn’t prowling around, sir, I fell overboard off of the
“I wasn’t prowling around, sir. I fell overboard off the
steamboat.”
steamboat.”
“Oh, you did, did you? Strike a light there, somebody. What
“Oh, really? Will someone strike a match and light a
did you say your name was?”
lantern? What did you say your name was?”
“George Jackson, sir. I’m only a boy.”
“George Jackson, sir. I’m only a boy.”
“Look here, if you’re telling the truth you needn’t be afraid—
“Look here. If you’re telling the truth, then you needn’t
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nobody’ll hurt you. But don’t try to budge; stand right where
you are. Rouse out Bob and Tom, some of you, and fetch
be afraid—nobody will hurt you. But don’t try to move.
Stand right where you are. One of you, go wake up
the guns. George Jackson, is there anybody with you?”
Bob and Tom and bring the guns. George Jackson, is
there anyone with you?”
“No, sir, nobody.”
“No, sir, nobody.”
I heard the people stirring around in the house now, and see
By now I could hear people stirring around in the
a light. The man sung out:
house, and I saw a light. A man called out:
“Snatch that light away, Betsy, you old fool—ain’t you got
“Snuff that light out, Besty, you old fool. Don’t you
any sense? Put it on the floor behind the front door. Bob, if
you and Tom are ready, take your places.”
have any common sense? Put it on the floor behind
the door. Bob, if you and Tom are ready, take your
places.
“All ready.”
“All ready.”
“Now, George Jackson, do you know the Shepherdsons?”
“Now, George Jackson, do you know the
Shepherdons?”
“No, sir; I never heard of them.”
“No, sir. I’ve never heard of them.”
“Well, that may be so, and it mayn’t. Now, all ready. Step
“Well, that might be true—then it again, it might not.
forward, George Jackson. And mind, don’t you hurry—come
mighty slow. If there’s anybody with you, let him keep
Okay, we’re all ready. Step forward, George Jackson.
And I warn you—don’t hurry. Come over here slowly.
back—if he shows himself he’ll be shot. Come along now.
Come slow; push the door open yourself—just enough to
If there’s anybody with you, he should keep his
distance. If he shows himself, he’ll get shot. Come on
squeeze in, d’ you hear?”
now. Approach slowly. Push the door open a little bit
by yourself—just squeeze in, okay?”
I didn’t hurry; I couldn’t if I’d a wanted to. I took one slow
step at a time and there warn’t a sound, only I thought I
I didn’t hurry. I couldn’t have, even if wanted to. I took
one slow step at a time. I didn’t make a sound, though
could hear my heart. The dogs were as still as the humans,
but they followed a little behind me. When I got to the three
I thought I could hear my own heart beating. The dogs
were as quiet as the people, but they followed a little
log doorsteps I heard them unlocking and unbarring and
unbolting. I put my hand on the door and pushed it a little
behind me. When I got to the three log doorsteps I
heard the people inside unlocking, unbarring, and
and a little more till somebody said, “There, that’s enough—
put your head in.” I done it, but I judged they would take it
unbolting the doors. I put my hand on the door and
pushed it little by little until somebody said, “That’s far
off.
enough—poke your head in.” I did, but I figured they’d
probably shoot it off.
The candle was on the floor, and there they all was, looking
at me, and me at them, for about a quarter of a minute:
There was a candle on the floor. For a few seconds,
everyone in the room was looking at me and I was
Three big men with guns pointed at me, which made me
wince, I tell you; the oldest, gray and about sixty, the other
looking at them. There were three big men with guns
pointed at me. This sure made me wince. The oldest
two thirty or more—all of them fine and handsome—and the
sweetest old gray-headed lady, and back of her two young
one had gray hair and looked about sixty. The other
two were about thirty years old or so. All of them
women which I couldn’t see right well. The old gentleman
says:
looked strong and handsome. There was also a sweet
old gray-haired lady. Behind her were two young
women, but I couldn’t see them very well. The old
gentleman said:
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“There; I reckon it’s all right. Come in.”
“Okay, I suppose it’s all right. Come on in.”
As soon as I was in the old gentleman he locked the door
As soon as I was inside the old gentleman locked the
and barred it and bolted it, and told the young men to come
in with their guns, and they all went in a big parlor that had a
door, barred it, and bolted it. He told the young men to
come in with their guns, and they all went in a big
new rag carpet on the floor, and got together in a corner that
was out of the range of the front windows—there warn’t
parlor that had a new rag carpet on the floor. They got
together in a corner that was out of range of the front
none on the side. They held the candle, and took a good
look at me, and all said, “Why, HE ain’t a Shepherdson—no,
windows—there weren’t any windows on the sides.
They held the candle and took a good look at me, and
there ain’t any Shepherdson about him.” Then the old man
said he hoped I wouldn’t mind being searched for arms,
they all said, “Why, HE’S not a Shepherdson. No,
there isn’t anything about him that looks like a
because he didn’t mean no harm by it—it was only to make
sure. So he didn’t pry into my pockets, but only felt outside
Shepherdson.” Then the old man said he hoped I
wouldn’t mind being searched for weapons, because
with his hands, and said it was all right. He told me to make
myself easy and at home, and tell all about myself; but the
he didn’t mean any harm by it—he only wanted to
make sure. He didn’t look in my pockets, but just felt
old lady says:
the outside with his hands before saying it was all
right. He told me to make myself comfortable and at
home and tell them all about myself. But the old lady
said:
“Why, bless you, Saul, the poor thing’s as wet as he can be;
and don’t you reckon it may be he’s hungry?”
“Bless you, Saul, the poor thing is as wet as he can
be! And don’t you think he’s hungry?”
“True for you, Rachel—I forgot.”
“You’re right, Rachel, I forgot.”
So the old lady says:
So the old lady said:
“Betsy” (this was a nigger woman), “you fly around and get
him something to eat as quick as you can, poor thing; and
“Betsy,” (she was referring to the n----- woman) “Go
and get him something to eat as quick as you can, the
one of you girls go and wake up Buck and tell him—oh, here
he is himself. Buck, take this little stranger and get the wet
poor thing. And one of you girls go and wake up Buck
and tell him… oh, here he comes. Buck, take this little
clothes off from him and dress him up in some of yours
that’s dry.”
stranger and get the wet clothes off him. Lend him
some of your dry clothes.”
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Buck looked about as old as me—thirteen or fourteen or
along there, though he was a little bigger than me. He hadn’t
Buck looked to be around my age—thirteen or
fourteen or so—though he was bigger than me. He
on anything but a shirt, and he was very frowzy-headed. He
came in gaping and digging one fist into his eyes, and he
was only wearing a shirt, and he was pretty groggy
from having been woken up. He came in yawning and
was dragging a gun along with the other one. He says:
rubbing his eyes with one fist and dragging a gun
along with the other hand. He said:
“Ain’t they no Shepherdsons around?”
“There aren’t any Shepherdsons around?”
They said, no, ’twas a false alarm.
The said, no, that it was a false alarm.
“Well,” he says, “if they’d a ben some, I reckon I’d a got
one.”
“Well,” he said, “if there had been some, I imagine I
would have killed one.”
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They all laughed, and Bob says:
They all laughed, and Bob said:
“Why, Buck, they might have scalped us all, you’ve been so
“Why, Buck, you were so slow in getting here they
slow in coming.”
might have scalped us all.”
“Well, nobody come after me, and it ain’t right I’m always
“Well, nobody came and woke me up. It isn’t right that
kept down; I don’t get no show.”
I’m always held back. I never get to see the action.”
“Never mind, Buck, my boy,” says the old man, “you’ll have
“Never mind, Buck, my boy,” said the old man. “You’ll
show enough, all in good time, don’t you fret about that. Go
’long with you now, and do as your mother told you.”
see plenty of action in good time. Don’t you worry
about it. Go on now, and do as your mother told you.”
When we got up-stairs to his room he got me a coarse shirt
and aroundabout and pants of his, and I put them on. While
When we got upstairs to his room, he gave me a
coarse shirt, a jacket, and some pants. I put them on.
I was at it he asked me what my name was, but before I
could tell him he started to tell me about a bluejay and a
While I was doing that, he asked me what my name
was. But before I could tell him, he started to tell me
young rabbit he had catched in the woods day before
yesterday, and he asked me where Moses was when the
about a bluejay and young rabbit he had caught in the
woods the day before yesterday. Then he asked me
candle went out. I said I didn’t know; I hadn’t heard about it
before, no way.
where Moses was when the candle went out. I said I
didn’t know because I’d never heard anything about
Moses and a candle.
“Well, guess,” he says.
“Well, guess,” he said.
“How’m I going to guess,” says I, “when I never heard tell of
it before?”
“How can I guess,” I asked, “if I’ve never heard of any
of this before?”
“But you can guess, can’t you? It’s just as easy.”
“But you can guess, can’t you? It’s easy.”
“WHICH candle?” I says.
“WHICH candle?” I asked.
“Why, any candle,” he says.
“Well, any candle,” he said.
“I don’t know where he was,” says I; “where was he?”
“I don’t know where he was,” I said. “Where was he?”
“Why, he was in the DARK! That’s where he was!”
“Why, he was in the DARK! That’s where he was!”
“Well, if you knowed where he was, what did you ask me
“Well, if you knew where he was, why did you ask
for?”
me?”
“Why, blame it, it’s a riddle, don’t you see? Say, how long
“Darn it, it’s a riddle. Don’t you get it? Hey, how long
are you going to stay here? You got to stay always. We can
just have booming times—they don’t have no school now.
are you going to stay here? You should stay here
forever. We can have a lot of fun together—there isn’t
Do you own a dog? I’ve got a dog—and he’ll go in the river
and bring out chips that you throw in. Do you like to comb up
any school now. Do you have a dog? I’ve got a dog,
and he’ll go in the river and fetch wood chips that you
Sundays, and all that kind of foolishness? You bet I don’t,
but ma she makes me. Confound these ole britches! I
throw in. Do you like to get all dress up on Sundays
and do all that kind of nonsense? You can be sure I
reckon I’d better put ’em on, but I’d ruther not, it’s so warm.
Are you all ready? All right. Come along, old hoss.”
don’t like to, but ma makes me. Darn these awful
pants! I guess I’d better put them on, but I’d rather not
because it’s so warm. Are you all set? All right, come
along, you old horse.”
Cold corn-pone, cold corn-beef, butter and buttermilk—that
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is what they had for me down there, and there ain’t nothing
better that ever I’ve come across yet. Buck and his ma and
and buttermilk waiting for me. It was the best of that
food I’ve ever had. Buck, his ma, and the rest of them
all of them smoked cob pipes, except the nigger woman,
which was gone, and the two young women. They all
smoked cob pipes, except for the two young women
and the n----- woman, who was gone. They all smoked
smoked and talked, and I eat and talked. The young women
had quilts around them, and their hair down their backs.
and talked, and I ate and talked. The young women
had their hair loose, and it hung down their backs.
They all asked me questions, and I told them how pap and
me and all the family was living on a little farm down at the
They also had quilts wrapped around them. They all
asked me questions. I told them how pap and me and
bottom of Arkansaw, and my sister Mary Ann run off and got
married and never was heard of no more, and Bill went to
the family were living on a little farm at the bottom of
Arkansas. I told them how my sister Mary Ann had run
hunt them and he warn’t heard of no more, and Tom and
Mort died, and then there warn’t nobody but just me and pap
off and gotten married and that we hadn’t heard from
her since, and how Bill had gone off to find them and
left, and he was just trimmed down to nothing, on account of
his troubles; so when he died I took what there was left,
we hadn’t heard from HIM since. I told them about
how Tom and Mort died leaving just me and pap, who
because the farm didn’t belong to us, and started up the
river, deck passage, and fell overboard; and that was how I
was just skin and bones because of all our troubles.
When he died, I took what was left, because the farm
come to be here. So they said I could have a home there as
long as I wanted it. Then it was most daylight and everybody
didn’t belong to us, and booked deck passage on the
steamboat headed up the river. Then I’d fallen
went to bed, and I went to bed with Buck, and when I waked
up in the morning, drat it all, I had forgot what my name was.
overboard. That was how I’d come to be here. They
said I could live with them as I long I wanted. By then
So I laid there about an hour trying to think, and when Buck
waked up I says:
it was almost daylight, so everyone went to bed. I
went to bed with Buck. When I woke in the morning,
darn it, I’d forgotten what I’d said my name was. I laid
there for about an hour trying to remember. When
Buck woke up, I said:
“Can you spell, Buck?”
“Can you spell, Buck?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Yes,” he said.
“I bet you can’t spell my name,” says I.
“I bet you can’t spell my name,” I said.
“I bet you what you dare I can,” says he.
“I bet you I can, even if you think I can’t,” he said.
“All right,” says I, “go ahead.”
“All right,” I said. “Go ahead.”
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“G-e-o-r-g-e J-a-x-o-n—there now,” he says.
“G-e-o-r-g-e J-a-x-o-n. There now,” he said.
“Well,” says I, “you done it, but I didn’t think you could. It
“Well,” I said. “You did it, even though I thought you
ain’t no slouch of a name to spell—right off without
studying.”
couldn’t. It’s not an easy name to spell either,
especially right off the top of your head, without
studying.”
I set it down, private, because somebody might want ME to
I wrote it down in private in case anyone ever wanted
spell it next, and so I wanted to be handy with it and rattle it
off like I was used to it.
ME to spell it for them. I wanted it handy so that I
could rattle it off smoothly, as if I was used to spelling
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it.
It was a mighty nice family, and a mighty nice house, too. I
They were a really nice family and they lived in a really
hadn’t seen no house out in the country before that was so
nice and had so much style. It didn’t have an iron latch on
nice house. I had never seen a country house that
was so nice and had so much style. It didn’t have an
the front door, nor a wooden one with a buckskin string, but
a brass knob to turn, the same as houses in town. There
iron latch on the front door. It didn’t even have a
wooden one with a buckskin string. It had a real brass
warn’t no bed in the parlor, nor a sign of a bed; but heaps of
parlors in towns has beds in them. There was a big fireplace
knob that turned, just like the houses in town. There
wasn’t a bed in the parlor. There wasn’t even a sign
that was bricked on the bottom, and the bricks was kept
clean and red by pouring water on them and scrubbing them
that a bed had once been there, even though plenty of
houses in town had a bed in the parlor. There was a
with another brick; sometimes they wash them over with red
water-paint that they call Spanish-brown, same as they do in
big fireplace with a brick base. They kept the bricks
clean and red by pouring water on them and
town. They had big brass dog-irons that could hold up a
saw-log. There was a clock on the middle of the
scrubbing them with another brick. Sometimes they
washed them all over with red paint mixed with
mantelpiece, with a picture of a town painted on the bottom
half of the glass front, and a round place in the middle of it
water—what they call Spanish brown—which is
exactly how they do it in town. They had big brass dog
for the sun, and you could see the pendulum swinging
behind it. It was beautiful to hear that clock tick; and
irons that could hold a sawlog. There was a clock on
the middle of the mantel; the bottom half of the glass
sometimes when one of these peddlers had been along and
scoured her up and got her in good shape, she would start
front had a painted picture of a town on it. The clock
also had a round place in the middle for the sun, and
in and strike a hundred and fifty before she got tuckered out.
They wouldn’t took any money for her.
you could see the pendulum swinging behind. It was
beautiful to hear that clock tick. Sometimes, when one
of those traveling fix-it men came along to clean and
fix it, the clock would chime a hundred and fifty times
before stopping. They wouldn’t have sold that clock for
anything.
Well, there was a big outlandish parrot on each side of the
clock, made out of something like chalk, and painted up
On each side of the clock, there was a big gaudy
parrot made out of some chalk-like substance. There
gaudy. By one of the parrots was a cat made of crockery,
and a crockery dog by the other; and when you pressed
was a little clay cat next to one parrot and a little clay
dog next to the other. A squeaking noise came out
down on them they squeaked, but didn’t open their mouths
nor look different nor interested. They squeaked through
from under them whenever you pressed down on
them, but they didn’t open their mouths or look
underneath. There was a couple of big wild-turkey-wing fans
spread out behind those things. On the table in the middle of
interested or anything. Behind them sat a couple of
big fans spread out that looked like the wings of wild
the room was a kind of a lovely crockery basket that had
apples and oranges and peaches and grapes piled up in it,
turkeys. On the table in the middle of the room was a
lovely clay basket that had apples and oranges and
which was much redder and yellower and prettier than real
ones is, but they warn’t real because you could see where
peaches and grapes piled up in it. They were much
more red and yellow and prettier than real fruits, but
pieces had got chipped off and showed the white chalk, or
whatever it was, underneath.
you could tell they were fake because you could see
where pieces of clay had chipped off, showing the
white chalk or whatever underneath.
This table had a cover made out of beautiful oilcloth, with a
The table had a beautiful tablecloth made of oilcloth. It
red and blue spread-eagle painted on it, and a painted
border all around. It come all the way from Philadelphia,
had a red and blue spread-eagle painted on it, and a
painted border all the way around. They said it had
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they said. There was some books, too, piled up perfectly
exact, on each corner of the table. One was a big family
come all the way from Philadelphia. There were also
some books piled up neatly on each corner of the
Bible full of pictures. One was Pilgrim’s Progress, about a
man that left his family, it didn’t say why. I read considerable
table. One was a big family Bible filled with pictures.
Another was Pilgrim’s Progress, a book about a man
in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but
tough. Another was Friendship’s Offering, full of beautiful
who left his family, though it didn’t say why. I read it
every now and then, and got through quite a bit of it.
stuff and poetry; but I didn’t read the poetry. Another was
Henry Clay’s Speeches, and another was Dr. Gunn’s Family
The sentences were interesting, but difficult to get
through. Another was Friendship’s Offering, which
Medicine, which told you all about what to do if a body was
sick or dead. There was a hymn book, and a lot of other
was full of poetry and other pretty writing, though I
didn’t read the poetry. They also had a book of Henry
books. And there was nice split-bottom chairs, and perfectly
sound, too—not bagged down in the middle and busted, like
Clay’s Speeches, and another of Dr. Gunn’s Family
Medicine, which told you all about what to do if
an old basket.
someone was sick or dead. There was a hymnal, and
several other books. They also had nice split-bottom
chairs. They were well made, and didn’t sag in the
middle like a busted old basket.
They had pictures hung on the walls—mainly Washingtons
and Lafayettes, and battles, and Highland Marys, and one
They had pictures on the walls. Most of them were of
Washington and Lafayette, battles, and Highland
called “Signing the Declaration.” There was some that they
called crayons, which one of the daughters which was dead
Mary. One was a picture called “Signing the
Declaration.” There were some portraits that they
made her own self when she was only fifteen years old.
They was different from any pictures I ever see before—
called crayons, which were drawn by one of their
daughters who had died had made of herself. She had
blacker, mostly, than is common. One was a woman in a
slim black dress, belted small under the armpits, with bulges
drawn them when she was only fifteen years old.
These pictures were different from any I’d ever seen;
like a cabbage in the middle of the sleeves, and a large
black scoop-shovel bonnet with a black veil, and white slim
they were darker than usual. One was of a woman in
a slim black dress that was belted tightly under the
ankles crossed about with black tape, and very wee black
slippers, like a chisel, and she was leaning pensive on a
armpits and had bulges that looked like cabbages in
the middle of the sleeves. She wore a large black
tombstone on her right elbow, under a weeping willow, and
her other hand hanging down her side holding a white
scoop-shovel bonnet with a black veil, and she had
tiny black slippers, which looked like chisels, with
handkerchief and a reticule, and underneath the picture it
said “Shall I Never See Thee More Alas.” Another one was a
black tape crisscrossing her slim white ankles. She
was standing under a weeping willow, leaning
young lady with her hair all combed up straight to the top of
her head, and knotted there in front of a comb like a chair-
pensively with her right elbow on a tombstone. Her
other hand hung down by her side and held a white
back, and she was crying into a handkerchief and had a
dead bird laying on its back in her other hand with its heels
handkerchief and a purse. Underneath the picture it
said, “Shall I Never See The More Alas.”. Another
up, and underneath the picture it said “I Shall Never Hear
Thy Sweet Chirrup More Alas.” There was one where a
picture showed a young lady with her hair combed
straight and tied in a knot at the top of her head in
young lady was at a window looking up at the moon, and
tears running down her cheeks; and she had an open letter
front of a comb, making it look like the back of a chair.
She was crying into a handkerchief and holding in one
in one hand with black sealing wax showing on one edge of
it, and she was mashing a locket with a chain to it against
hand a dead bird lying on its back with its heels up.
Underneath that picture it said, “I Shall Never Hear
her mouth, and underneath the picture it said “And Art Thou
Gone Yes Thou Art Gone Alas.” These was all nice pictures,
Thy Sweet Chirrup More Alas.” There was another
one of a young lady with tears running down her
I reckon, but I didn’t somehow seem to take to them,
cheeks looking out of a window at the moon. She had
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because if ever I was down a little they always give me the
fan-tods. Everybody was sorry she died, because she had
an open letter in one hand with a black wax seal
visible on one edge. She was pressing a locket and
laid out a lot more of these pictures to do, and a body could
see by what she had done what they had lost. But I
chain against her mouth, and underneath the picture it
said, “And Art Though Gone Yes Thou Art Gone Alas.”
reckoned that with her disposition she was having a better
time in the graveyard. She was at work on what they said
They were all nice pictures, I suppose. But I didn’t
really like them very much. They would give me the
was her greatest picture when she took sick, and every day
and every night it was her prayer to be allowed to live till she
chills whenever I was feeling a little down. Everyone
was sad that she had died, because she had planning
got it done, but she never got the chance. It was a picture of
a young woman in a long white gown, standing on the rail of
to draw a lot more of these pictures. You could see by
the ones she had drawn what a great loss it had been.
a bridge all ready to jump off, with her hair all down her
back, and looking up to the moon, with the tears running
But I suppose, given her disposition, she was having a
much better time in the graveyard. She had said that
down her face, and she had two arms folded across her
breast, and two arms stretched out in front, and two more
she was working on her greatest picture when she fell
sick, and that she prayed every day and night that she
reaching up towards the moon—and the idea was to see
which pair would look best, and then scratch out all the other
could live long enough to finish. But she never didn’t.
She was working on a picture of a young woman in a
arms; but, as I was saying, she died before she got her mind
made up, and now they kept this picture over the head of
long white gown standing on the rail of a bridge. Her
hair was falling down her back and she was looking up
the bed in her room, and every time her birthday come they
hung flowers on it. Other times it was hid with a little curtain.
at the moon with tears running down her face. She
was getting ready to jump off. She had two arms
The young woman in the picture had a kind of a nice sweet
face, but there was so many arms it made her look too
folded across her chest, two arms stretched out in
front, and two more reaching up toward the moon. The
spidery, seemed to me.
young woman in the picture had a nice, sweet face,
but she had so many arms that she looked like a
spider. The daughter was going to see which pair
would look best and then scratch out all the others.
But, as I said, she died before she had the chance to
make up her mind. They kept this picture over the
head of the bed in her room, and they hung flowers on
it every time her birthday came around. At other times
It was partially hidden behind a curtains.
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This young girl kept a scrap-book when she was alive, and
used to paste obituaries and accidents and cases of patient
When she was alive, this young girl had kept a
scrapbook where she used to paste obituaries and
suffering in it out of the Presbyterian Observer, and write
poetry after them out of her own head. It was very good
reports of accidents and stories of suffering patients
from the Presbyterian Observer. She’d also write
poetry. This is what she wrote about a boy by the name of
Stephen Dowling Bots that fell down a well and was
poetry about these articles. It was very good poetry.
For example, here’s what she wrote about a boy
drownded:
named Stephen Dowling Bots, who had fallen down a
well and drowned:
ODE TO STEPHEN DOWLING BOTS, DEC’D
ODE TO STEPHEN DOWLING BOTS, DECEASED
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And did young Stephen sicken,
And did young Stephen sicken,
And did young Stephen die?
And did young Stephen die?
And did the sad hearts thicken,
And did the sad hearts thicken,
And did the mourners cry?
And did the mourners cry?
No; such was not the fate of,
No; such was not the fate of,
Young Stephen Dowling Bots;
Young Stephen Dowling Bots;
Though sad hearts round him thickened,
Though sad hearts round him thickened,
’Twas not from sickness’ shots.
‘Twas not from sickness’s shots.
No whooping-cough did rack his frame,
No whooping cough did rack his frame,
Nor measles drear with spots;
Nor measles drear with spots;
Not these impaired the sacred name,
Not thes impaired the sacred name,
Of Stephen Dowling Bots.
Of Stephen Dowling Bots.
Despised love struck not with woe,
Despised love struck not with woe,
That head of curly knots;
That head of curly knots;
Nor stomach troubles laid him low,
Nor stomach troubles laid him low,
Young Stephen Dowling Bots.
Young Stephen Dowling Bots.
O no. Then list with tearful eye,
Oh no. Then listen with tearful eye,
Whilst I his fate do tell.
Whilst I his fate do tell.
His soul did from this cold world fly,
His soul did from this cold world fly
By falling down a well.
By falling down a well.
They got him out and emptied him;
They got him out and emptied him;
Alas it was too late;
Alas, it was to late;
His spirit was gone for to sport aloft,
His spirit was gone to sport aloft,
In the realms of the good and great.
In the realms of the good and great.
If Emmeline Grangerford could make poetry like that before
she was fourteen, there ain’t no telling what she could a
If Emmeline Grangerford could write poetry like that
before she was fourteen, there’s not telling what she
done by and by. Buck said she could rattle off poetry like
nothing. She didn’t ever have to stop to think. He said she
could have done had she lived. Buck said she could
rattle off poetry like it was nothing. She didn’t even
would slap down a line, and if she couldn’t find anything to
rhyme with it would just scratch it out and slap down another
have to stop and think about it first. He said she would
write down a line and then just scratch it out and write
one, and go ahead. She warn’t particular; she could write
about anything you choose to give her to write about just so
another one if she couldn’t come up with anything to
rhyme with it. She wasn’t particular—she could write
it was sadful. Every time a man died, or a woman died, or a
child died, she would be on hand with her “tribute” before he
about anything you wanted, just so long as it was sad.
Every time a man, woman, or child died, she would be
was cold. She called them tributes. The neighbors said it
right there with her “tribute” before the body was even
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was the doctor first, then Emmeline, then the undertaker—
the undertaker never got in ahead of Emmeline but once,
cold. She called them tributes, you know. The
neighbors said that if someone died, they’d first expect
and then she hung fire on a rhyme for the dead person’s
name, which was Whistler. She warn’t ever the same after
the doctor, then Emmeline, then the undertaker, who
only once got in before Emmeline. This so traumatized
that; she never complained, but she kinder pined away and
did not live long. Poor thing, many’s the time I made myself
Emmeline that she delayed writing a tribute for the
deceased, a guy named Whistler. She wasn’t the
go up to the little room that used to be hers and get out her
poor old scrap-book and read in it when her pictures had
same after that. She never complained, but she kind
of pined away and didn’t live much longer. Poor thing.
been aggravating me and I had soured on her a little. I liked
all that family, dead ones and all, and warn’t going to let
Many times, when her pictures started bothering me
and I started thinking less of her, I made myself go up
anything come between us. Poor Emmeline made poetry
about all the dead people when she was alive, and it didn’t
to her old bedroom to read from her old scrapbook. I
liked the whole family—those dead and alive—and
seem right that there warn’t nobody to make some about her
now she was gone; so I tried to sweat out a verse or two
wasn’t going to let anything come between us. Poor
Emmeline had written poetry about dead people when
myself, but I couldn’t seem to make it go somehow. They
kept Emmeline’s room trim and nice, and all the things fixed
she’d been alive, and it didn’t seem right that there
wasn’t anyone to write poems for her now that she
in it just the way she liked to have them when she was alive,
and nobody ever slept there. The old lady took care of the
was dead. I tried to come up with a verse or two on my
own, but I just couldn’t do it for some reason. The
room herself, though there was plenty of niggers, and she
sewed there a good deal and read her Bible there mostly.
family kept Emmeline’s room nice and clean, with
everything arranged just the way she had liked having
them when she’d been alive. No one ever slept there.
Even though they owned plenty of n------, the old lady
took care of the room herself. She often sewed and
read her Bible in there.
Well, as I was saying about the parlor, there was beautiful
curtains on the windows: white, with pictures painted on
Well, as I said before, there were beautiful curtains on
the windows of the parlor. They were white, and they
them of castles with vines all down the walls, and cattle
coming down to drink. There was a little old piano, too, that
had pictures of vine-covered castles and cattle coming
to drink from the moat painted on them. There was
had tin pans in it, I reckon, and nothing was ever so lovely
as to hear the young ladies sing “The Last Link is Broken”
also a little old piano in the room that had in pans in it.
There wasn’t anything nicer than listening to the ladies
and play “The Battle of Prague” on it. The walls of all the
rooms was plastered, and most had carpets on the floors,
sing “The Last Link is Broken” and play “The Battle of
Prague” on that piano. The walls of all the rooms were
and the whole house was whitewashed on the outside.
plastered, and most rooms had carpets on the floors.
The whole house was whitewashed on the outside.
It was a double house, and the big open place betwixt them
was roofed and floored, and sometimes the table was set
The house was a duplex, and the big open space
between the two parts had a floor and roof. This space
there in the middle of the day, and it was a cool, comfortable
place. Nothing couldn’t be better. And warn’t the cooking
was cool and comfortable, and sometimes in the
middle of the day, they set up a table there. Nothing
good, and just bushels of it too!
could be better. Plus, the cooking was good, and there
was a ton of it!
Chapter 18
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COL. GRANGERFORD was a gentleman, you see. He was
a gentleman all over; and so was his family. He was well
Colonel Grangerford was a gentleman, you see. He
was pure gentleman, and his family was just as noble.
born, as the saying is, and that’s worth as much in a man as
it is in a horse, so the Widow Douglas said, and nobody ever
He was of good breeding, as the saying goes, and the
widow Douglas always said breeding is just as
denied that she was of the first aristocracy in our town; and
pap he always said it, too, though he warn’t no more quality
valuable for a man as it is for a racehorse. No one
ever denied that she was of the finest aristocratic
than a mudcat himself. Col. Grangerford was very tall and
very slim, and had a darkish-paly complexion, not a sign of
stock in our town, either. Pap had always said that
too, though he was from about as fine a quality
red in it anywheres; he was cleanvshaved every morning all
over his thin face, and he had the thinnest kind of lips, and
lineage as a catfish. Col. Grangerford was very tall
and very slim, and he had a gray complexion. There
the thinnest kind of nostrils, and a high nose, and heavy
eyebrows, and the blackest kind of eyes, sunk so deep back
was no sign of red anywhere in his face. He sahved
his face clean every morning. He had very thin lips
that they seemed like they was looking out of caverns at
you, as you may say. His forehead was high, and his hair
and nostrils, a high nose, heavy eyebrows, and very
black eyes sunk so deeply into his head that you
was black and straight and hung to his shoulders. His hands
was long and thin, and every day of his life he put on a clean
would swear they were looking out at you from within
a cavern. He had a high forehead, his hair was black
shirt and a full suit from head to foot made out of linen so
white it hurt your eyes to look at it; and on Sundays he wore
and straight and fell to his shoulders, and his hands
were long and thin. Every day he put on a clean shirt
a blue tail-coat with brass buttons on it. He carried a
mahogany cane with a silver head to it. There warn’t no
and a full suit that was made out of linen so white it
hurt your eyes when you looked at it. On Sundays, he
frivolishness about him, not a bit, and he warn’t ever loud.
He was as kind as he could be—you could feel that, you
wore a suit with blue tailcoats and brass buttons. He
carried a mahogany cane that had a silver head.
know, and so you had confidence. Sometimes he smiled,
and it was good to see; but when he straightened himself up
There was nothing frivolous about him, not one bit.
And he was never loud. He was as kind as a person
like a liberty-pole, and the lightning begun to flicker out from
under his eyebrows, you wanted to climb a tree first, and
could be—you could just feel that, you know, and so
you could rest at ease a bit. Sometimes he smiled,
find out what the matter was afterwards. He didn’t ever have
to tell anybody to mind their manners—everybody was
which was good to see. But whenever he straightened
himself up like a liberty pole and the lightning began to
always good-mannered where he was. Everybody loved to
have him around, too; he was sunshine most always—I
flicker out from under his eyebrows, you wanted to
climb a tree first and ask questions later. He never
mean he made it seem like good weather. When he turned
into a cloudbank it was awful dark for half a minute, and that
had to remind anyone to mind their manners, because
everyone was always on their best behavior around
was enough; there wouldn’t nothing go wrong again for a
week.
him. Everyone loved to have him around, too. He was
fairly sunny most of the time—I mean, he made you
feel like there was good weather about. When his
mood became stormy, things would be awfully dark for
a moment. But then his mood clear up, and everything
would be fine again for about a week.
When him and the old lady come down in the morning all the
family got up out of their chairs and give them good-day,
When he and the old lady came downstairs in the
morning, the whole family got out of their chairs to say
and didn’t set down again till they had set down. Then Tom
and Bob went to the sideboard where the decanter was, and
good morning to them, and they wouldn’t sit down
again until the two of them had sat down. Then Tom
mixed a glass of bitters and handed it to him, and he held it
in his hand and waited till Tom’s and Bob’s was mixed, and
and Bob mixed a glass of bitters from the decanter on
the counter and handed it to him. He held it in his
then they bowed and said, “Our duty to you, sir, and
hand and waited until Tom and Bob’s drinks were
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madam;” and THEY bowed the least bit in the world and
said thank you, and so they drank, all three, and Bob and
mixed. Then they all bowed and said, “Our duty to
you, sir and madam.” And then THEY made a small
Tom poured a spoonful of water on the sugar and the mite
of whisky or apple brandy in the bottom of their tumblers,
bow, said thank you, and all three of them drank. Then
Bob and Tom poured a spoonful of water on the sugar
and give it to me and Buck, and we drank to the old people
too.
and smidge of whisky or apple brandy that was in the
bottom of their tumblers, and gave it to Buck and me.
Then we toasted and drank to the old people, too.
Bob was the oldest and Tom next—tall, beautiful men with
Bob was the oldest, and Tom was the second oldest.
very broad shoulders and brown faces, and long black hair
and black eyes. They dressed in white linen from head to
They were tall, beautiful men with very broad
shoulders, brown faces, long black hair, and black
foot, like the old gentleman, and wore broad Panama hats.
eyes. They dressed in white linen from head to toe,
just like the old gentleman, and they wore Panama
hats.
Then there was Miss Charlotte; she was twenty-five, and tall
Then there was Miss Charlotte. She was twenty-five
and proud and grand, but as good as she could be when
she warn’t stirred up; but when she was she had a look that
years old, tall, proud, and grand. She was as good as
a person could be when she wasn’t worked up, but
would make you wilt in your tracks, like her father. She was
beautiful.
when something stirred her, she could give you a look
that would make you wilt on the spot, just like her
father could. She was beautiful.
So was her sister, Miss Sophia, but it was a different kind.
Her sister, Miss Sophia, was also beautiful, but it a
She was gentle and sweet like a dove, and she was only
twenty.
different kind of beautiful. She was as gentle and
sweet as a dove, and she was only twenty.
Each person had their own nigger to wait on them—Buck
too. My nigger had a monstrous easy time, because I warn’t
Each person had their own n----- to wait on them—
even Buck. My n----- had it pretty easy, because I
used to having anybody do anything for me, but Buck’s was
on the jump most of the time.
wasn’t used to having someone do things for me.
Buck’s n-----, however, was on the go most of the
time.
This was all there was of the family now, but there used to
That was all that was left of the family, but there used
be more—three sons; they got killed; and Emmeline that
died.
to be more—three sons had been killed, and
Emmeline had died.
The old gentleman owned a lot of farms and over a hundred
niggers. Sometimes a stack of people would come there,
The old gentleman owned a lot of farms and over a
hundred n------. Sometimes a ton of people would
horseback, from ten or fifteen mile around, and stay five or
six days, and have such junketings round about and on the
come to the house, having traveled on horseback from
ten or fifteen miles away. They’d stay five or six days,
river, and dances and picnics in the woods daytimes, and
balls at the house nights. These people was mostly kinfolks
and make such a ruckus around the house and river.
They would dance and picnic in the woods during the
of the family. The men brought their guns with them. It was a
handsome lot of quality, I tell you.
day, and throw balls at the house at night. Most of
these people were relatives. The men brought their
guns with them. They were a finely-bred group, let me
tell you.
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There was another clan of aristocracy around there—five or
six families—mostly of the name of Shepherdson. They was
There was another aristocratic clan around those
parts—made up of five or six families—by the name of
as high-toned and well born and rich and grand as the tribe
of Grangerfords. The Shepherdsons and Grangerfords used
Shepherdson. They were as high class, wellborn, rich,
and grand as the Grangerfords. The Shepherdsons
the same steamboat landing, which was about two mile
above our house; so sometimes when I went up there with a
and the Grangerfords used the same steamboat
landing, which was about two miles up the river from
lot of our folks I used to see a lot of the Shepherdsons there
on their fine horses.
our house. So sometimes when I went up there with a
lot of our folks, I would see a lot of the Shepherdsons
riding their fine horses there.
One day Buck and me was away out in the woods hunting,
One day Buck and I were deep in the woods hunting.
and heard a horse coming. We was crossing the road. Buck
says:
We heard a horse coming as we were crossing the
road. Buck said:
“Quick! Jump for the woods!”
“Quick! Into the woods!”
We done it, and then peeped down the woods through the
We dove into the woods, and then peered out through
leaves. Pretty soon a splendid young man come galloping
down the road, setting his horse easy and looking like a
the leaves. Pretty soon, a splendid young man came
galloping down the road, riding his horse gracefully
soldier. He had his gun across his pommel. I had seen him
before. It was young Harney Shepherdson. I heard Buck’s
and looking like a soldier. He had his gun resting
across the horn of his saddle. I’d seen him before—it
gun go off at my ear, and Harney’s hat tumbled off from his
head. He grabbed his gun and rode straight to the place
was young Harney Shepherdson. I heard Buck’s gun
go off next to my ear, and saw Harney’s hat tumble off
where we was hid. But we didn’t wait. We started through
the woods on a run. The woods warn’t thick, so I looked
his head. He grabbed his gun and rode straight to the
spot where we were hiding. But we didn’t wait—we
over my shoulder to dodge the bullet, and twice I seen
Harney cover Buck with his gun; and then he rode away the
started running through the woods. The woods weren’t
thick, so I looked over my shoulder to dodge the
way he come—to get his hat, I reckon, but I couldn’t see.
We never stopped running till we got home. The old
bullets. Twice I saw Harney aim his gun at Buck. Then
he rode back the way he’d come—to get his hat I
gentleman’s eyes blazed a minute—’twas pleasure, mainly, I
judged—then his face sort of smoothed down, and he says,
guess, though I couldn’t see. We didn’t stop running
until we got home. The old gentleman’s eyes blazed
kind of gentle:
for a minute—mainly because he was pleased, I
think—then his face calmed down, and he said gently:
“I don’t like that shooting from behind a bush. Why didn’t you
step into the road, my boy?”
“I don’t like the fact that you shot him from behind the
bush. Why didn’t you step out into the road, my boy?”
“The Shepherdsons don’t, father. They always take
advantage.”
“The Shepherdsons don’t do that, father. They always
take any advantage they can get.”
Miss Charlotte she held her head up like a queen while Buck
was telling his tale, and her nostrils spread and her eyes
Miss Charlotte held her head up like a queen while
Buck was telling the story. Her nostrils flared and her
snapped. The two young men looked dark, but never said
nothing. Miss Sophia she turned pale, but the color come
eyes snapped. The two young men brooded, but they
didn’t say anything. Miss Sophia turned pale, but her
back when she found the man warn’t hurt.
color came back when she found out that the man
hadn’t been hurt.
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Soon as I could get Buck down by the corn-cribs under the
trees by ourselves, I says:
As soon as I could get Buck alone by the corn cribs
under the trees, I said:
“Did you want to kill him, Buck?”
“Did you want to kill him, Buck?”
“Well, I bet I did.”
“You bet I did.”
“What did he do to you?”
“Why? What did he do to you?”
“Him? He never done nothing to me.”
“Him? He never did anything to me.”
“Well, then, what did you want to kill him for?”
“Well, why did you want to kill him, then?”
“Why, nothing—only it’s on account of the feud.”
“No reason—just because of the feud.”
“What’s a feud?”
“What’s a feud?”
“Why, where was you raised? Don’t you know what a feud
“What? Where were you raised? Don’t you know what
is?”
a feud is?”
“Never heard of it before—tell me about it.”
“I’ve never heard of it before—tell me about it.”
“Well,” says Buck, “a feud is this way: A man has a quarrel
with another man, and kills him; then that other man’s
“Well,” Buck said, “a feud works like this: A man gets
in a fight with another man and kills him. Then that
brother kills HIM; then the other brothers, on both sides,
goes for one another; then the COUSINS chip in—and by
other man’s brother kills HIM. Then the rest of the
brothers from both sides go after each other. Then the
and by everybody’s killed off, and there ain’t no more feud.
But it’s kind of slow, and takes a long time.”
cousins get involved. Pretty soon, everyone’s been
killed off, and the feud’s over. This all happens kind of
slowly, and takes place over a long time.”
“Has this one been going on long, Buck?”
“Has this one been going on for a long time, Buck?”
“Well, I should RECKON! It started thirty year ago, or
som’ers along there. There was trouble ’bout something,
“I would say so! It started around thirty years ago.
There was a fight over something, and then a lawsuit
and then a lawsuit to settle it; and the suit went agin one of
the men, and so he up and shot the man that won the suit—
to settle it. The suit went against one guy, so he went
and shot the man that won the suit—which he had to
which he would naturally do, of course. Anybody would.”
do, of course. Any man would have done the same.”
“What was the trouble about, Buck?—land?”
“What was the fight about, Buck? Was it over land?”
“I reckon maybe—I don’t know.”
“I suppose it was—I don’t know.”
“Well, who done the shooting? Was it a Grangerford or a
“Well, who did the shooting? Was it a Grangerford or a
Shepherdson?”
Shepherdson?”
“Laws, how do I know? It was so long ago.”
“Lord, how should I know? It was so long ago.”
“Don’t anybody know?”
“Doesn’t anyone know?”
“Oh, yes, pa knows, I reckon, and some of the other old
“Oh sure, I’d guess pa knows, and some of the other
people; but they don’t know now what the row was about in
the first place.”
old people. But they’ve probably forgotten what the
fight was about in the first place.”
“Has there been many killed, Buck?”
“Have a lot of people been killed, Buck?”
“Yes; right smart chance of funerals. But they don’t always
“Yes. there’s been many funerals. But people don’t
kill. Pa’s got a few buckshot in him; but he don’t mind it ’cuz
always die when they get shot. Pa has some buckshot
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he don’t weigh much, anyway. Bob’s been carved up some
with a bowie, and Tom’s been hurt once or twice.”
in him, but he doesn’t mind because it doesn’t weigh
much. Bob’s been carved up with a Bowie knife
before, and Tom’s been hurt once or twice.”
“Has anybody been killed this year, Buck?”
“Has anyone been killed this year, Buck?”
“Yes; we got one and they got one. ’Bout three months ago
my cousin Bud, fourteen year old, was riding through the
“Yes—we killed one, and they killed one. About three
months ago, my fourteen year old cousin, Bud, was
woods on t’other side of the river, and didn’t have no
weapon with him, which was blame’ foolishness, and in a
riding through the woods on the other side of the river.
He wasn’t carrying any weapons, which was plain
lonesome place he hears a horse a-coming behind him, and
sees old Baldy Shepherdson a-linkin’ after him with his gun
foolish. He was in a secluded spot when he suddenly
heard a horse coming up from behind. He saw it was
in his hand and his white hair a-flying in the wind; and ’stead
of jumping off and taking to the brush, Bud ’lowed he could
old Baldy Shepherdson riding up with, gun in his hand
and white hair flying in the wind. Instead of
out-run him; so they had it, nip and tuck, for five mile or
more, the old man a-gaining all the time; so at last Bud seen
dismounting and running into the bush, Bud decided
to try and outrun him. The chase went on for about
it warn’t any use, so he stopped and faced around so as to
have the bullet holes in front, you know, and the old man he
five miles, with the old man gaining on him the whole
time. Bud finally realized it wouldn’t be any use to
rode up and shot him down. But he didn’t git much chance
to enjoy his luck, for inside of a week our folks laid HIM out.”
keep running. He stopped and turned to face the old
man, so that the bullet holes would be in the front of
his body, you know. The old man just rode up and
shot him down. He didn’t get much chance to
celebrate, though. Our people killed him within the
week.”
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“I reckon that old man was a coward, Buck.”
“It sounds to me like that old man was a coward,
Buck.”
“I reckon he WARN’T a coward. Not by a blame’ sight.
There ain’t a coward amongst them Shepherdsons—not a
“I would say he WASN’T a coward. Not by a long shot.
There isn’t a coward among those Shepherdsons—
one. And there ain’t no cowards amongst the Grangerfords
either. Why, that old man kep’ up his end in a fight one day
not one. And there aren’t any cowards among the
Grangerfords either. Why, that old man fought for half
for half an hour against three Grangerfords, and come out
winner. They was all a-horseback; he lit off of his horse and
an hour again three Grangerfords—and he came out
the winner. They were all on horseback. He jumped
got behind a little woodpile, and kep’ his horse before him to
stop the bullets; but the Grangerfords stayed on their horses
off his horse and ducked behind a little pile of wood,
keeping his horse in front of him to block the bullets.
and capered around the old man, and peppered away at
him, and he peppered away at them. Him and his horse both
But the Grangerfords stayed on their horses, circling
the old man and shooting at him, and the old man kept
went home pretty leaky and crippled, but the Grangerfords
had to be FETCHED home—and one of ’em was dead, and
shooting back. He and his horse were both shot up
when they got back home, but the Grangerfords had
another died the next day. No, sir; if a body’s out hunting for
cowards he don’t want to fool away any time amongst them
to be BROUGHT home—one of them was dead and
another died the next day. No, sir—if you’re looking for
Shepherdsons, becuz they don’t breed any of that KIND.”
cowards, don’t waste your time looking among the
Shepherdsons. You won’t find them.”
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Next Sunday we all went to church, about three mile,
everybody a-horseback. The men took their guns along, so
On the next Sunday, we all went to church about three
miles away. Everyone rode on horseback. The men
did Buck, and kept them between their knees or stood them
handy against the wall. The Shepherdsons done the same.
brought their guns with them, as did Buck. They kept
the guns between their knees or leaned against the
It was pretty ornery preaching—all about brotherly love, and
such-like tiresomeness; but everybody said it was a good
wall to keep them accessible. The Shepherdsons did
the same. The sermon was terrible—all about
sermon, and they all talked it over going home, and had
such a powerful lot to say about faith and good works and
brotherly love and other nonsense—but everyone said
it was a good sermon and talked about it the whole
free grace and preforeordestination, and I don’t know what
all, that it did seem to me to be one of the roughest Sundays
way home. They had a lot to say about faith, good
deeds, grace, preforeordestination, and I don’t know
I had run across yet.
what all else. It seemed to me to be one of the worst
Sundays I’d ever had.
About an hour after dinner everybody was dozing around,
some in their chairs and some in their rooms, and it got to
Everyone started dozing off about an hour after
dinner, some in their chairs and some in their rooms.
be pretty dull. Buck and a dog was stretched out on the
grass in the sun sound asleep. I went up to our room, and
Things were getting pretty dull. Buck and his dog were
stretched out asleep on the grass in the sun. I went up
judged I would take a nap myself. I found that sweet Miss
Sophia standing in her door, which was next to ours, and
to our room, planning to take a nap myself. I found
sweet Miss Sophia standing in the doorway of her
she took me in her room and shut the door very soft, and
asked me if I liked her, and I said I did; and she asked me if
room, which was next to ours. She took me into her
room and shut the door. She asked me if I liked her,
I would do something for her and not tell anybody, and I said
I would. Then she said she’d forgot her Testament, and left
and I said I did. Then she asked me if I would do
something for her and not tell anyone. I said I would.
it in the seat at church between two other books, and would
I slip out quiet and go there and fetch it to her, and not say
She said she’d accidentally left her Bible at the
church. It was in her seat, between two other books.
nothing to nobody. I said I would. So I slid out and slipped
off up the road, and there warn’t anybody at the church,
She asked if I could sneak out and bring it back to her
without saying anything to anyone. I said I would, and
except maybe a hog or two, for there warn’t any lock on the
door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time
I snuck out and headed down the road. There wasn’t
anyone in the church, except maybe a hog or two. The
because it’s cool. If you notice, most folks don’t go to church
only when they’ve got to; but a hog is different.
door had no lock, and pigs like to lie on the cool
hardwood floors in the summer. If you pay attention,
you’ll notice that most folks don’t go to church unless
they have to. Pigs are different, though.
Says I to myself, something’s up; it ain’t natural for a girl to
be in such a sweat about a Testament. So I give it a shake,
Something’s up, I said to myself. It’s not normal for a
girl to be so worried about a Bible. So I picked up the
and out drops a little piece of paper with “HALF-PAST TWO”
wrote on it with a pencil. I ransacked it, but couldn’t find
book, shook it a bit, and a piece of paper fell out. It
said “HALF PAST TWO O’CLOCK” in pencil. I looked
anything else. I couldn’t make anything out of that, so I put
the paper in the book again, and when I got home and
through the rest of the book, but couldn’t find anything
else. I didn’t understand what the message meant, so
upstairs there was Miss Sophia in her door waiting for me.
She pulled me in and shut the door; then she looked in the
I put the paper back inside, and headed back home.
When I got there, Miss Sophia was waiting for me up
Testament till she found the paper, and as soon as she read
it she looked glad; and before a body could think she
in her room. She pulled me inside and shut the door.
Then she looked in the Bible until she found the
grabbed me and give me a squeeze, and said I was the best
boy in the world, and not to tell anybody. She was mighty
paper. She looked glad as she read it. Before I knew
it, she had grabbed me and squeezed me tightly and
red in the face for a minute, and her eyes lighted up, and it
said I was the best boy in the world. She also
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made her powerful pretty. I was a good deal astonished, but
when I got my breath I asked her what the paper was about,
reminded me not to tell anyone. Her face was red for a
minute. When I got my breath back, I asked her what
and she asked me if I had read it, and I said no, and she
asked me if I could read writing, and I told her “no, only
the paper was all about. She asked me if I had read it,
and I said no. And then she asked me if I could read
coarse-hand,” and then she said the paper warn’t anything
but a book-mark to keep her place, and I might go and play
at all, and I said, “Not really—only coarse hand.” Then
she said the paper was only a bookmark to help keep
now.
her place. Then she said that I could go and play now.
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I went off down to the river, studying over this thing, and
I headed off down to the river, thinking this over.
pretty soon I noticed that my nigger was following along
behind. When we was out of sight of the house he looked
Pretty soon, I noticed that my n----- was following me.
When we were out of view of the house, he looked all
back and around a second, and then comes a-running, and
says:
around for a second, and then ran up to me saying:
“Mars Jawge, if you’ll come down into de swamp I’ll show
you a whole stack o’ water-moccasins.”
“Master George, if you come down to the swamp, I’ll
show a whole bunch ofwater moccasins.”
Thinks I, that’s mighty curious; he said that yesterday. He
oughter know a body don’t love water-moccasins enough to
That’s odd, I thought, he said the same thing
yesterday. He should know no one likes water
go around hunting for them. What is he up to, anyway? So I
says:
moccasins enough to go hunting for them. I wondered
what he was up to, so I said:
“All right; trot ahead.”
“All right, lead the way.”
I followed a half a mile; then he struck out over the swamp,
I followed him for about half a mile, and then he
and waded ankle deep as much as another half-mile. We
come to a little flat piece of land which was dry and very
started heading across the swamp. We waded in
ankle-deep water for about another half mile until we
thick with trees and bushes and vines, and he says:
came to a flat little piece of land. It was dry and thick
with trees, bushes, and vines. He said:
“You shove right in dah jist a few steps, Mars Jawge; dah’s
whah dey is. I’s seed ’m befo’; I don’t k’yer to see ’em no
“Go right in there just a few feet, Master George.
That’s where they are. I’ve seen them before, and I
mo’.”
don’t care to see them anymore.”
Then he slopped right along and went away, and pretty soon
Then he started walking away, and pretty soon he
the trees hid him. I poked into the place a-ways and come to
a little open patch as big as a bedroom all hung around with
disappeared into the trees. I headed in the direction
he’d pointed until I came to an open space about the
vines, and found a man laying there asleep—and, by jings, it
was my old Jim!
size of a bedroom. It was draped with hanging vines
and there was a man lying there fast asleep. By golly,
it was my old Jim!”
I waked him up, and I reckoned it was going to be a grand
I woke him up. I imagined he was going to be really
surprise to him to see me again, but it warn’t. He nearly
cried he was so glad, but he warn’t surprised. Said he swum
surprised to see me again, but he wasn’t. He was so
glad that he nearly cried, but he wasn’t surprised. He
along behind me that night, and heard me yell every time,
but dasn’t answer, because he didn’t want nobody to pick
said he’d swum along behind me the night the boat hit
us. He heard me yelling, but he didn’t answer because
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HIM up and take him into slavery again. Says he:
he didn’t want anyone to catch HIM and reenslave
him. He said:
“I got hurt a little, en couldn’t swim fas’, so I wuz a
considable ways behine you towards de las’; when you
“I’d been injured just a little and couldn’t swim very
fast, so I was far behind you. After you’d landed, I
landed I reck’ned I could ketch up wid you on de lan’ ’dout
havin’ to shout at you, but when I see dat house I begin to
figured I could catch up with you on land without
having to shout to you. But I slowed down when I saw
go slow. I ’uz off too fur to hear what dey say to you—I wuz
’fraid o’ de dogs; but when it ’uz all quiet agin I knowed you’s
that house. I was too far away to hear what they said
to you, and I was afraid of the dogs. But when things
in de house, so I struck out for de woods to wait for day.
Early in de mawnin’ some er de niggers come along, gwyne
quieted down again and I knew you were in the house,
I headed out into the woods to wait for a day. Some n-
to de fields, en dey tuk me en showed me dis place, whah
de dogs can’t track me on accounts o’ de water, en dey
----- passed by early in the morning as they were
headed out to the fields. They helped me and showed
brings me truck to eat every night, en tells me how you’s agitt’n along.”
me this place where the dogs wouldn’t find me
because of the water. They brought me food to eat
every night and told me how you were doing.”
“Why didn’t you tell my Jack to fetch me here sooner, Jim?”
“Why didn’t you tell my Jack to bring me here sooner?”
“Well, ’twarn’t no use to ’sturb you, Huck, tell we could do
sumfn—but we’s all right now. I ben a-buyin’ pots en pans
“Well, it wasn’t any use to bother you, Huck, until we
could do something. But we’re okay now. I bought
en vittles, as I got a chanst, en a-patchin’ up de raf’ nights
when—”
pots and pans and food when I got the chance and
I’ve been patching up the raft at night when….”
“WHAT raft, Jim?”
“WHAT raft, Jim?”
“Our ole raf’.”
“Our old raft.”
“You mean to say our old raft warn’t smashed all to
flinders?”
“Are you telling me that our raft wasn’t smashed to
pieces?”
“No, she warn’t. She was tore up a good deal—one en’ of
her was; but dey warn’t no great harm done, on’y our traps
“No, it wasn’t. It had been torn up an awful lot,
especially one end of it. The damage wasn’t serious,
was mos’ all los’. Ef we hadn’ dive’ so deep en swum so fur
under water, en de night hadn’ ben so dark, en we warn’t so
though we did lose most of our traps. We’d have been
able to see the raft if we hadn’t dove so deep and
sk’yerd, en ben sich punkin-heads, as de sayin’ is, we’d a
seed de raf’. But it’s jis’ as well we didn’t, ’kase now she’s all
swum so far under the water, and if the night hadn’t
been so dark and we weren’t scared out of our minds.
fixed up agin mos’ as good as new, en we’s got a new lot o’
stuff, in de place o’ what ’uz los’.”
But it’s just as well that we didn’t see it, because now
it’s all fixed up and almost as good as new. And we’ve
got a lot of new stuff to replace what was lost.”
“Why, how did you get hold of the raft again, Jim—did you
“But how did you get the raft back again, Jim—did you
catch her?”
catch it?”
“How I gwyne to ketch her en I out in de woods? No; some
“How would I be able to catch it when I’ve been in the
er de niggers foun’ her ketched on a snag along heah in de
ben’, en dey hid her in a crick ’mongst de willows, en dey
woods? No, some of the n------ found it on a nearby
snag at a bend in the river. They hid it in a creek
wuz so much jawin’ ’bout which un ’um she b’long to de
mos’ dat I come to heah ’bout it pooty soon, so I ups en
among the willows. They were talking so much about
which of them now owned it that pretty soon I heard
settles de trouble by tellin’ ’um she don’t b’long to none uv
um, but to you en me; en I ast ’m if dey gwyne to grab a
about it too. I set them all straight by telling them that
it didn’t belong to any of them because it was ours. I
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young white genlman’s propaty, en git a hid’n for it? Den I
gin ’m ten cents apiece, en dey ’uz mighty well satisfied, en
asked them if they were going to steal a young white
gentleman’s property and get beaten for it. Then I
wisht some mo’ raf’s ’ud come along en make ’m rich agin.
Dey’s mighty good to me, dese niggers is, en whatever I
gave them ten cents each. They were happy with that
and wished more rafts would come along and make
wants ’m to do fur me I doan’ have to ast ’m twice, honey.
Dat Jack’s a good nigger, en pooty smart.”
them rich. They’ve been really good to me, these n-----. I don’t ever have to ask them twice to help me with
whatever I need, kid. Your n-----’s a good one, and
pretty smart.”
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“Yes, he is. He ain’t ever told me you was here; told me to
come, and he’d show me a lot of water-moccasins. If
“Yes, he is. He didn’t even tell me that you were
here—he told me to follow him so that he could show
anything happens HE ain’t mixed up in it. He can say he
never seen us together, and it ’ll be the truth.”
me some water moccasins. That way, if anything bad
happens, he won’t be in trouble. He can honestly say
he’s never seen us together.”
I don’t want to talk much about the next day. I reckon I’ll cut
I don’t want to talk much about the day that followed,
it pretty short. I waked up about dawn, and was a-going to
turn over and go to sleep again when I noticed how still it
so I guess I’ll just sum it up quickly. I woke up at dawn
and was going to roll over and go back to sleep when I
was—didn’t seem to be anybody stirring. That warn’t usual.
Next I noticed that Buck was up and gone. Well, I gets up, a-
noticed how quiet everything was—there didn’t seem
to be anyone else stirring in the house. That wasn’t
wondering, and goes down stairs—nobody around;
everything as still as a mouse. Just the same outside.
normal. Then I noticed that Buck was gone. I got up,
wondering what was going on. I went downstairs, but
Thinks I, what does it mean? Down by the wood-pile I
comes across my Jack, and says:
there wasn’t anyone around. Everything was as still as
a mouse. It was just the same outside. What’s going
on, I wondered. I ran across my Jack down by the
woodpile. I said:
“What’s it all about?”
“What’s going on?”
Says he:
He said:
“Don’t you know, Mars Jawge?”
“Don’t you know, Master George?”
“No,” says I, “I don’t.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t.”
“Well, den, Miss Sophia’s run off! ’deed she has. She run off
in de night some time—nobody don’t know jis’ when; run off
“Well, Miss Sophia has run away! Yes sir, she has!
She ran off sometime in the middle of the night. No
to get married to dat young Harney Shepherdson, you
know—leastways, so dey ’spec. De fambly foun’ it out ’bout
one knows where she went. They think she just ran off
to get married to that young Harney Shepherdson.
half an hour ago—maybe a little mo’—en’ I TELL you dey
warn’t no time los’. Sich another hurryin’ up guns en hosses
The family found out about it about half an hour ago or
so. I TELL you they didn’t waste any time taking
YOU never see! De women folks has gone for to stir up de
relations, en ole Mars Saul en de boys tuck dey guns en
action. You’ve never seen such a flurry of guns and
horses! The women went gather the rest of the
rode up de river road for to try to ketch dat young man en kill
him ’fo’ he kin git acrost de river wid Miss Sophia. I reck’n
relatives, and old Master Saul and the boys took the
guns and went up the river road to catch that young
dey’s gwyne to be mighty rough times.”
man and kill him before he can get across the river
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with Miss Sophia. I’d bet it’s about to get rough.”
“Buck went off ’thout waking me up.”
“Buck left without waking me up?”
“Well, I reck’n he DID! Dey warn’t gwyne to mix you up in it.
Mars Buck he loaded up his gun en ’lowed he’s gwyne to
“Well, sure he did! They weren’t going to mix you up in
this business. Master Buck loaded his gun and said he
fetch home a Shepherdson or bust. Well, dey’ll be plenty un
’m dah, I reck’n, en you bet you he’ll fetch one ef he gits a
was going to kill a Shepherdson or die trying. Well,
there will be plenty of them, I imagine, an you can bet
chanst.”
he’ll kill one if he gets the chance.”
I took up the river road as hard as I could put. By and by I
I ran up the river road as fast as I could. Pretty soon I
begin to hear guns a good ways off. When I came in sight of
the log store and the woodpile where the steamboats lands I
began to hear guns firing way off in the woods. When I
came within sight of the log store and the woodpile
worked along under the trees and brush till I got to a good
place, and then I clumb up into the forks of a cottonwood
where the steamboats land, I began to follow along
the treeline and brush until I found a good spot. I was
that was out of reach, and watched. There was a wood-rank
four foot high a little ways in front of the tree, and first I was
about to hide behind a four-foot high pile of boards
that was a little in front of a cottonwood tree, but I
going to hide behind that; but maybe it was luckier I didn’t.
decided to climb a tree instead. I climbed up into the
forked branches to watch, and it was a lucky thing that
I did.
There was four or five men cavorting around on their horses
There were four or five men galloping around on their
in the open place before the log store, cussing and yelling,
and trying to get at a couple of young chaps that was behind
horses in open space in front of the log store. They
were swearing and yelling and trying to get at a couple
the wood-rank alongside of the steamboat landing; but they
couldn’t come it. Every time one of them showed himself on
of young guys who were hiding behind another
woodpile near the steamboat landing. They couldn’t
the river side of the woodpile he got shot at. The two boys
was squatting back to back behind the pile, so they could
make it to the landing, though, because they were
getting shot at every time they showed themselves on
watch both ways.
the river side of the woodpile. The two guys were
squatting back to back behind the pile, so they could
see in both directions.
By and by the men stopped cavorting around and yelling.
Pretty soon the men stopped galloping around and
They started riding towards the store; then up gets one of
the boys, draws a steady bead over the wood-rank, and
yelling. They started riding toward the store. One of
the guys behind the woodpile got up, drew a steady
drops one of them out of his saddle. All the men jumped off
of their horses and grabbed the hurt one and started to carry
bead with his gun over the woodpile, and shot. One of
the men on horseback fell out of his saddle. The men
him to the store; and that minute the two boys started on the
run. They got half way to the tree I was in before the men
jumped off their horses, grabbed the injured man, and
started to carry him to the store. That’s when the two
noticed. Then the men see them, and jumped on their
horses and took out after them. They gained on the boys,
guys behind the woodpile started to run. They got
halfway to the tree where I was hiding before the other
but it didn’t do no good, the boys had too good a start; they
got to the woodpile that was in front of my tree, and slipped
men noticed them. The men jumped on their horses
and charged after them. They gained quickly, but it
in behind it, and so they had the bulge on the men again.
One of the boys was Buck, and the other was a slim young
didn’t do any good because the guys had such a good
head start. The two men reached the woodpile right in
chap about nineteen years old.
front of my tree and slipped behind it. This gave them
the upper hand again. One of the boys was Buck, and
the other was a skinny kid about nineteent years old.
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The men ripped around awhile, and then rode away. As
soon as they was out of sight I sung out to Buck and told
The men galloped around some more, then rode
away. As soon as they were out of sight I called down
him. He didn’t know what to make of my voice coming out of
the tree at first. He was awful surprised. He told me to watch
to Buck. He couldn’t see me, so he was awfully
surprised—he didn’t know what to make of my voice
out sharp and let him know when the men come in sight
again; said they was up to some devilment or other—
coming out of the tree. Then he told me to keep a
lookout and let him know when the men came back in
wouldn’t be gone long. I wished I was out of that tree, but I
dasn’t come down. Buck begun to cry and rip, and ’lowed
sight. He said they were playing some trick and would
be back soon. I wished I weren’t in that tree, but I
that him and his cousin Joe (that was the other young chap)
would make up for this day yet. He said his father and his
couldn’t risk coming down. Buck began to cry and
curse. He said that he and his cousin Joe—that was
two brothers was killed, and two or three of the enemy. Said
the Shepherdsons laid for them in ambush. Buck said his
the other kid—would pay them back for what
happened today. He said that his father and his two
father and brothers ought to waited for their relations—the
Shepherdsons was too strong for them. I asked him what
brothers had been killed as well as two or three
Shepherdsons. He said the Shepherdsons had
was become of young Harney and Miss Sophia. He said
they’d got across the river and was safe. I was glad of that;
ambushed them. He said that he and his father and
brothers should have waited for their relatives to come
but the way Buck did take on because he didn’t manage to
kill Harney that day he shot at him—I hain’t ever heard
since the Shepherdsons were too strong for them. I
asked what had happened to young Harney and Miss
anything like it.
Sophia. He said they’d safely gotten across the river. I
was glad to hear that, but Buck carried on about not
having been able to kill Harney that day in the woods.
I’d never heard anything like it.
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All of a sudden, bang! bang! bang! goes three or four
guns—the men had slipped around through the woods and
All of a sudden there was a Bang! Bang! Bang! Three
or four guns went off—the men had snuck around
come in from behind without their horses! The boys jumped
for the river—both of them hurt—and as they swum down
through the woods and come in on foot from behind!
Both of the boys got injured, but they ran for the river.
the current the men run along the bank shooting at them
and singing out, “Kill them, kill them!” It made me so sick I
As they swum downstream with the current, the men
ran up to the bank and started shooting at them,
most fell out of the tree. I ain’t a-going to tell ALL that
happened—it would make me sick again if I was to do that. I
yelling, “Kill them! Kill them!” The scene made me so
sick that I nearly fell out of the tree. It would make me
wished I hadn’t ever come ashore that night to see such
things. I ain’t ever going to get shut of them—lots of times I
sick to tell EVERYTHING that happened there. Seeing
such things made me wished I’d never come to shore
dream about them.
that night. I’ll never forget what I saw. I dream about it
a lot.
I stayed in the tree till it begun to get dark, afraid to come
down. Sometimes I heard guns away off in the woods; and
I was so afraid to come down that I stayed in the tree
until it began to get dark. Sometimes I would hear the
twice I seen little gangs of men gallop past the log store with
guns; so I reckoned the trouble was still a-going on. I was
sound of guns way off in the woods. Twice I saw little
gangs of men with guns gallop past the log store, so I
mighty downhearted; so I made up my mind I wouldn’t ever
go anear that house again, because I reckoned I was to
figured that the fighting was still going on. I was
feeling pretty sad. I made up my mind that I would
blame, somehow. I judged that that piece of paper meant
never go near that house again, because I figured that
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that Miss Sophia was to meet Harney somewheres at halfpast two and run off; and I judged I ought to told her father
I was somehow to blame. I figured that piece of paper
meant that Miss Sophia was supposed to meet
about that paper and the curious way she acted, and then
maybe he would a locked her up, and this awful mess
Harney somewhere at half past two o’clock so that
they could run off together. And I figured I ought to
wouldn’t ever happened.
have told her father about the paper and the funny
way she’d acted. Then maybe he would have locked
her up and this awful mess wouldn’t have happened.
When I got down out of the tree I crept along down the river
Once I got down out of the tree, I crept downstream
bank a piece, and found the two bodies laying in the edge of
the water, and tugged at them till I got them ashore; then I
along the riverbank for a bit. I found two bodies lying
in the edge of the water, and I tugged them ashore.
covered up their faces, and got away as quick as I could. I
cried a little when I was covering up Buck’s face, for he was
Then I covered up their faces and snuck away as
quickly as I could. I cried a little when I was covering
mighty good to me.
up Buck’s face, because he’d been really good to me.
It was just dark now. I never went near the house, but struck
It was dark now. I didn’t go near the house. Instead I
through the woods and made for the swamp. Jim warn’t on
his island, so I tramped off in a hurry for the crick, and
headed back into the woods toward the swamp. Jim
wasn’t on his island, so I hurried off toward the creek. I
crowded through the willows, red-hot to jump aboard and
get out of that awful country. The raft was gone! My souls,
pushed through the willows, anxious to jump aboard
the raft and get out of this awful place. But the raft was
but I was scared! I couldn’t get my breath for most a minute.
Then I raised a yell. A voice not twenty-five foot from me
gone! My goodness, I was so scared! It took me a
moment to catch my breath. Then I started yelling. A
says:
voice not twenty-five feet away from me said:
“Good lan’! is dat you, honey? Doan’ make no noise.”
“Good land! Is that you, kid? Don’t make any more
noise.”
It was Jim’s voice—nothing ever sounded so good before. I
It was Jim’s voice. Nothing had ever sounded so good
run along the bank a piece and got aboard, and Jim he
grabbed me and hugged me, he was so glad to see me. He
before. I ran along the bank a bit and got aboard. Jim
grabbed me and hugged me, he was so glad to see
says:
me. He said:
“Laws bless you, chile, I ’uz right down sho’ you’s dead agin.
“Lord bless you, child. Again, I was sure you were
Jack’s been heah; he say he reck’n you’s ben shot, kase
you didn’ come home no mo’; so I’s jes’ dis minute a startin’
dead. Jack’s been here—he says he supposed you’d
been shot because you never came back home. So I
de raf’ down towards de mouf er de crick, so’s to be all
ready for to shove out en leave soon as Jack comes agin en
was going to head out on the raft this very minute
toward the mouth of the creek. I was all ready to leave
tells me for certain you IS dead. Lawsy, I’s mighty glad to git
you back again, honey.”
as soon as he came back again and told me for
certain that you WERE dead. Lord, I’m mighty glad to
have you back again, kid.”
I says:
I said:
“All right—that’s mighty good; they won’t find me, and they’ll
think I’ve been killed, and floated down the river—there’s
“All right—that’s great—that means they won’t be able
to find me. They’ll think I’ve been killed and floated
something up there that ’ll help them think so—so don’t you
lose no time, Jim, but just shove off for the big water as fast
down the river. Something’s up there that will help
make them think that I am dead, so… so don’t waste
as ever you can.”
any time, Jim. Just head toward the big river as fast as
you can.”
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I never felt easy till the raft was two mile below there and out
in the middle of the Mississippi. Then we hung up our signal
I couldn’t relax until the raft was about two miles down
river and out in the middle of the Mississippi. Then we
lantern, and judged that we was free and safe once more. I
hadn’t had a bite to eat since yesterday, so Jim he got out
hoisted our signal lantern and figured that we were
free and safe once again. I hadn’t had a bite to eat
some corn-dodgers and buttermilk, and pork and cabbage
and greens—there ain’t nothing in the world so good when
since the day before, so Jim got out some fried
cornmeal, buttermlike, pork, cabbage, and greens.
it’s cooked right—and whilst I eat my supper we talked and
had a good time. I was powerful glad to get away from the
There nothing in the world that’s better than when
those things are cooked just right. While I ate my
feuds, and so was Jim to get away from the swamp. We
said there warn’t no home like a raft, after all. Other places
supper we talked and had a good time. I was awfully
glad to get away from the feuds, and Jim was just as
do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don’t. You
feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.
glad to get away from the swamp. We agreed there
was no better home than a raft. Other places seem
claustrophobic, but a raft doesn’t. You can feel free
and relaxed and comfortable on a raft.
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TWO or three days and nights went by; I reckon I might say
they swum by, they slid along so quiet and smooth and
Two or three days went by. I guess you could say they
swum by, because they passed so smoothly and
lovely. Here is the way we put in the time. It was a
monstrous big river down there—sometimes a mile and a
quietly and lovely. We found ways to pass the time.
The river was monstrously wide down where we
half wide; we run nights, and laid up and hid daytimes; soon
as night was most gone we stopped navigating and tied
were—about a mile and a half wide at times. We
traveled at night and hid in the daytime. As soon as
up—nearly always in the dead water under a towhead; and
then cut young cottonwoods and willows, and hid the raft
the night had almost passed, we would stop
navigating and tie up somewhere on the shore, almost
with them. Then we set out the lines. Next we slid into the
river and had a swim, so as to freshen up and cool off; then
always in the still water under a towhead. We’d cut
branches from young cottonwoods and willows and
we set down on the sandy bottom where the water was
about knee deep, and watched the daylight come. Not a
would use them to hide the raft. Then we set up the
fishing lines before sliding into the river for a swim to
sound anywheres—perfectly still—just like the whole world
was asleep, only sometimes the bullfrogs a-cluttering,
freshen up and cool off. After that, we’d sit down on
the sandy bottom of the shallows where the water was
maybe. The first thing to see, looking away over the water,
was a kind of dull line—that was the woods on t’other side;
only knee deep or so and watch the sunrise. It would
be perfectly quiet—with perhaps the exception of the
you couldn’t make nothing else out; then a pale place in the
sky; then more paleness spreading around; then the river
croaking bullfrogs—as if the whole world was asleep.
The first thing you’d see looking out over the water
softened up away off, and warn’t black any more, but gray;
you could see little dark spots drifting along ever so far
would be a dull line, which was the woods on the other
side. That would be all you could see. Then you would
away—trading scows, and such things; and long black
streaks—rafts; sometimes you could hear a sweep
see pale spot in the sky, which would grow and
spread. Then the river would get lighter; it would turn
screaking; or jumbled up voices, it was so still, and sounds
come so far; and by and by you could see a streak on the
from black to gray. You could see little dark spots
drifting along in the distance—those were trading
water which you know by the look of the streak that there’s a
snag there in a swift current which breaks on it and makes
barges. The long black streaks would be rafts.
Sometimes you could even hear a creaking oar or
that streak look that way; and you see the mist curl up off of
mixed up voices because it was so quiet that the
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the water, and the east reddens up, and the river, and you
make out a log-cabin in the edge of the woods, away on the
sounds would come from far away. Pretty soon you
could see a streak on the water, which meant there
bank on t’other side of the river, being a woodyard, likely,
and piled by them cheats so you can throw a dog through it
was a snag in a swift current. And you could see the
mist curl up off the water. The eastern sky would get
anywheres; then the nice breeze springs up, and comes
fanning you from over there, so cool and fresh and sweet to
redder and would light up the river so that you could
make out a log cabin on the edge of the woods, way
smell on account of the woods and the flowers; but
sometimes not that way, because they’ve left dead fish
over on the other side of the river. Those were likely to
be lumberyards. Then a nice breeze would spring up
laying around, gars and such, and they do get pretty rank;
and next you’ve got the full day, and everything smiling in
and blow over you. It would be fresh and cool and
sweet smelling because of the woods and all the
the sun, and the song-birds just going it!
flowers. Well, sometimes it wouldn’t be that nice if
someone had left dead fish lying around—gars and
such. Those would smell pretty rank. Then you’d have
the full day ahead of you. You’d be smiling in the sun
and the songbirds would be going at it!
A little smoke couldn’t be noticed now, so we would take
No one would be able to see our small bit of smoke
some fish off of the lines and cook up a hot breakfast. And
afterwards we would watch the lonesomeness of the river,
now. We’d take some fish off the lines and cook up a
hot breakfast. Afteward, we’d watch the lonely river
and kind of lazy along, and by and by lazy off to sleep.
Wake up by and by, and look to see what done it, and
and just laze about until we drifted off to sleep.
Eventually we’d open our eyes and look around to see
maybe see a steamboat coughing along up-stream, so far
off towards the other side you couldn’t tell nothing about her
what had woken us up and see a steamboat belching
steam as it headed up the far side of the river. It’d be
only whether she was a stern-wheel or side-wheel; then for
about an hour there wouldn’t be nothing to hear nor nothing
so far away that you couldn’t even tell whether its
paddlewheels were in the back or on the sides. Then
to see—just solid lonesomeness. Next you’d see a raft
sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it
for another hour or so there wouldn’t be anything else
to see except the lonely river. At some point you’d see
chopping, because they’re most always doing it on a raft;
you’d see the axe flash and come down—you don’t hear
a raft floating by, way off in the distance, and maybe a
big oaf chopping wood on it. That’s what they usually
nothing; you see that axe go up again, and by the time it’s
above the man’s head then you hear the K’CHUNK!—it had
did on rafts. You’d see the flash of an axe reflecting
the sun as it came down. You wouldn’t heard
took all that time to come over the water. So we would put in
the day, lazying around, listening to the stillness. Once there
anything, though, until it was up over the man’s head
again—K’CHUNK!—because it took all that time for
was a thick fog, and the rafts and things that went by was
beating tin pans so the steamboats wouldn’t run over them.
the sound to come over the water. That’s how we’d
spend the days, lazing about and listening to the quiet.
A scow or a raft went by so close we could hear them talking
and cussing and laughing—heard them plain; but we
Once there was a thick fog and the people on the rafts
and barges that went by beat tin pans so the
couldn’t see no sign of them; it made you feel crawly; it was
like spirits carrying on that way in the air. Jim said he
steamboats wouldn’t run over them. Another time a
scow or raft drifted so close to us that we could hear
believed it was spirits; but I says:
them talking and cussing and laughing. We could hear
them plain as day, but we couldn’t see them. That
made you feel creepy, like ghosts were passing by.
Jim said he did think they were ghosts, but I said:
“No; spirits wouldn’t say, ’Dern the dern fog.’”
“No—ghosts wouldn’t say, ‘Darn it! Darn this fog!’”
Soon as it was night out we shoved; when we got her out to
We would shove off as soon as it was night. When
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about the middle we let her alone, and let her float wherever
the current wanted her to; then we lit the pipes, and dangled
we’d gotten the raft to the middle of the river, we’d let
it float wherever the current took it. Then we lit our
our legs in the water, and talked about all kinds of things—
we was always naked, day and night, whenever the
pipes, dangled our legs in the water, and talked about
all kinds of things. We were always naked, night and
mosquitoes would let us—the new clothes Buck’s folks
made for me was too good to be comfortable, and besides I
day, whenever the mosquitos would let up. The new
clothes Buck’s folks had made for me weren’t
didn’t go much on clothes, nohow.
comfortable because they were too nice. Besides, I
didn’t really like clothes anyway.
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Sometimes we’d have that whole river all to ourselves for
the longest time. Yonder was the banks and the islands,
Sometimes we’d have the whole river to ourselves for
a long time. The riverbanks and the islands would all
across the water; and maybe a spark—which was a candle
in a cabin window; and sometimes on the water you could
be far off in the distance. Sometimes you’d see a
spark of light, which would be a candle in a cabin
see a spark or two—on a raft or a scow, you know; and
maybe you could hear a fiddle or a song coming over from
window. Or sometimes you’d see a spark or two on
the water as a raft or scow or something passed by.
one of them crafts. It’s lovely to live on a raft. We had the
sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on
Every now and then you’d hear the sounds of a fiddle
or a song drifting out across the water from another
our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether
they was made or only just happened. Jim he allowed they
boat. Then there was the sky, all speckled with stars.
We used to lie on our backs and look up at them and
was made, but I allowed they happened; I judged it would
have took too long to MAKE so many. Jim said the moon
discuss whether they were created or just came into
being on their own. Jim thought they’d been made, but
could a LAID them; well, that looked kind of reasonable, so I
didn’t say nothing against it, because I’ve seen a frog lay
I thought they’d just happened. I figured it would have
taken too long to MAKE so many. Jim said the moon
most as many, so of course it could be done. We used to
watch the stars that fell, too, and see them streak down. Jim
could have laid them like a chicken lays eggs. That
sounded reasonable, so I didn’t argue with him. I’ve
allowed they’d got spoiled and was hove out of the nest.
seen a frog lay a lot of eggs, so I knew it could be
done. We used to watch the falling stars, too, as they
streaked down. Jim thought they were falling because
they’d spoiled and were being thrown out of the nest.
It sure was nice to live on a raft.
Once or twice of a night we would see a steamboat slipping
Once or twice a night we’d see a steamboat gliding
along in the dark, and now and then she would belch a
whole world of sparks up out of her chimbleys, and they
along in the dark. Every now and then one would
belch a whole lot of sparks out its chimneys, and the
would rain down in the river and look awful pretty; then she
would turn a corner and her lights would wink out and her
sparks would rain down on the river and look really
pretty. Then it would turn a corner and the lights and
powwow shut off and leave the river still again; and by and
by her waves would get to us, a long time after she was
sounds of the paddlewheel would disappear and leave
the river quiet again. A long time after it had passed,
gone, and joggle the raft a bit, and after that you wouldn’t
hear nothing for you couldn’t tell how long, except maybe
the waves from its wake would reach us and toss the
raft around a little bit. For a long while after that, you
frogs or something.
wouldn’t hear anything except maybe frogs or
something.
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After midnight the people on shore went to bed, and then for
two or three hours the shores was black—no more sparks in
The people on shore would go to bed after midnight.
The shores would be black for two or three hours
the cabin windows. These sparks was our clock—the first
one that showed again meant morning was coming, so we
since the sparks in the cabin windows had been put
out. These sparks were our clock—the first one we
hunted a place to hide and tie up right away.
saw meant that morning was coming, and we’d hunt
for a place on the shore to hide and tie up right away.
One morning about daybreak I found a canoe and crossed
over a chute to the main shore—it was only two hundred
One morning around dawn I found a canoe. I crossed
over a little chute in the river to the shore, which was
yards—and paddled about a mile up a crick amongst the
cypress woods, to see if I couldn’t get some berries. Just as
only two hundred yards or so away. I paddled about a
mile up a creek among the cypress forest to see if I
I was passing a place where a kind of a cowpath crossed
the crick, here comes a couple of men tearing up the path
could pick some berries. Just as I was crossing the
spot where a little game trail crossed the creek, I saw
as tight as they could foot it. I thought I was a goner, for
whenever anybody was after anybody I judged it was ME—
a couple of men running up the path as fast as they
could. I immediately thought I was dead, because I
or maybe Jim. I was about to dig out from there in a hurry,
but they was pretty close to me then, and sung out and
automatically assumed that anyone who was running
around was after ME or maybe Jim. I was about to
begged me to save their lives—said they hadn’t been doing
nothing, and was being chased for it—said there was men
start rowing furiously to get out there, but they were
already close to me. Then they called out and begged
and dogs a-coming. They wanted to jump right in, but I says:
me to save their lives. They said they hadn’t done
anything but were being chased all the same by men
and dogs. They wanted to jump into my canoe, but I
said:
“Don’t you do it. I don’t hear the dogs and horses yet; you’ve
got time to crowd through the brush and get up the crick a
“No, you don’t! I don’t hear any dogs or horses.
You’ve got time to get through the bushes and up the
little ways; then you take to the water and wade down to me
and get in—that’ll throw the dogs off the scent.”
creek a little ways. Then you can get in the water and
wade down to me and climb in—that’ll throw the dogs
off your scent.”
They done it, and soon as they was aboard I lit out for our
They did as I’d suggested and soon they were aboard.
towhead, and in about five or ten minutes we heard the dogs
and the men away off, shouting. We heard them come along
I started rowing like crazy for our towhead. After about
five or ten minutes, we heard the dogs and men
towards the crick, but couldn’t see them; they seemed to
stop and fool around a while; then, as we got further and
shouting way off in the distance coming toward the
creek. You couldn’t see them, and they seemed to
further away all the time, we couldn’t hardly hear them at all;
by the time we had left a mile of woods behind us and struck
stop and mess around for a bit. As we got further
away, we couldn’t hear them at all. By the time we
the river, everything was quiet, and we paddled over to the
towhead and hid in the cottonwoods and was safe.
reached the river about a mile away, everything was
quiet. We paddled out to our towhead and hid safely in
the cottonwoods.
One of these fellows was about seventy or upwards, and
One of these fellows was around seventy years old,
had a bald head and very gray whiskers. He had an old
battered-up slouch hat on, and a greasy blue woollen shirt,
maybe older. He had a bald head and very gray
whiskers. He wore a beat up old slouching hat, a
and ragged old blue jeans britches stuffed into his boot-tops,
and home-knit galluses—no, he only had one. He had an
greasy blue woolen shirt, raggedy old blue jeans that
were stuffed into the tops of his boots, and home
old long-tailed blue jeans coat with slick brass buttons flung
over his arm, and both of them had big, fat, ratty-looking
made pair of suspenders—actually, he only had one.
He had a coat with long tails made out of blue, with
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carpet-bags.
slick brass buttons slung over his arm. Both he and
his companion had big, fat, ratty looking carpetbags.
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The other fellow was about thirty, and dressed about as
ornery. After breakfast we all laid off and talked, and the first
The other guy was about thirty years old and he
dressed just as shabbily as the other guy. After we ate
thing that come out was that these chaps didn’t know one
another.
breakfast we lazed about and talked. The first thing
we learned was that these guys didn’t know each
other.
“What got you into trouble?” says the baldhead to t’other
“What got you into trouble?” the bald-headed guy
chap.
asked the other guy.
“Well, I’d been selling an article to take the tartar off the
“Well, I’d been selling a little device to take the tartar
teeth—and it does take it off, too, and generly the enamel
along with it—but I stayed about one night longer than I
off your teeth. It often takes it off too, along with the
enamel—but I stayed about a night longer than I
ought to, and was just in the act of sliding out when I ran
across you on the trail this side of town, and you told me
should have. I was just slipping out of town, when I
ran across you on the trail on this side of town. You
they were coming, and begged me to help you to get off. So
I told you I was expecting trouble myself, and would scatter
told me they were coming and begged me to help you
get away. So I told you I was expecting some trouble
out WITH you. That’s the whole yarn—what’s yourn?
myself and would run away WITH you. That’s my
whole story. What about you?”
“Well, I’d ben a-running’ a little temperance revival thar ’bout
a week, and was the pet of the women folks, big and little,
“Well, I’d been running a little temperance revival
there for about a week. I was the darling of the
for I was makin’ it mighty warm for the rummies, I TELL you,
and takin’ as much as five or six dollars a night—ten cents a
women, old and young, because I was making it
mighty difficult for the drunkards in town, I tell you. I
head, children and niggers free—and business a-growin’ all
the time, when somehow or another a little report got around
was taking in as much as five or six dollars a night—
ten cents per person, children and free n------—and
last night that I had a way of puttin’ in my time with a private
jug on the sly. A nigger rousted me out this mornin’, and told
business was getting better every day. But somehow
or another, a little rumor started going around last
me the people was getherin’ on the quiet with their dogs and
horses, and they’d be along pretty soon and give me ’bout
night that I was secretly drinking in secret. A n----woke me up this morning and told me that people
half an hour’s start, and then run me down if they could; and
if they got me they’d tar and feather me and ride me on a
were quietly gathering together with their dogs and
horses and that they’d be coming to get me in about
rail, sure. I didn’t wait for no breakfast—I warn’t hungry.”
half an hour. Then they were going to run me down,
and tar and feather me if they caught me. They would
ride me on a rail for sure. I didn’t wait for breakfast—I
wasn’t hungry.”
“Old man,” said the young one, “I reckon we might doubleteam it together; what do you think?”
“Old man,” said the younger one. “I reckon we should
join forces and work together as a team. What do you
think?”
“I ain’t undisposed. What’s your line—mainly?”
“I wouldn’t be against it. What line of work are you in?”
“Jour printer by trade; do a little in patent medicines; theater-
“Journeyman printer, by trade. But I also work a little in
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actor—tragedy, you know; take a turn to mesmerism and
phrenology when there’s a chance; teach singing-geography
patent medicine and theater acting—mostly
tragedies—you know. I’ve done a bit of hypontizing
school for a change; sling a lecture sometimes—oh, I do lots
of things—most anything that comes handy, so it ain’t work.
and phrenology, when I’ve had the opportunity. I’ve
taught singing and geography in school sometimes,
What’s your lay?”
lecturing… oh, I do lots of different things—anything
handy, so I don’t consider it work. How about you?”
“I’ve done considerble in the doctoring way in my time.
Layin’ on o’ hands is my best holt—for cancer and paralysis,
“I’ve worked a lot in the medical profession in my time.
The laying on of hands to cure cancer, paralysis, and
and sich things; and I k’n tell a fortune pretty good when I’ve
got somebody along to find out the facts for me. Preachin’s
those kinds of things—that’s what I’m best at. And I’m
a pretty good fortuneteller, when I’ve got a partner to
my line, too, and workin’ camp-meetin’s, and missionaryin’
around.”
help me find out all the facts first. Preaching is my
main line of work, and I often work camp meetings
and do missionary stuff.”
Nobody never said anything for a while; then the young man
No one said anything for a while. Then the younger
hove a sigh and says:
man sighed and said:
“Alas!”
“Too bad!”
“What ’re you alassin’ about?” says the bald-head.
“What’s too bad?” asked the bald guy.
“To think I should have lived to be leading such a life, and
“It’s too bad that I’ve been leading a life like this and to
be degraded down into such company.” And he begun to
wipe the corner of his eye with a rag.
have degrade myself by keeping this kind of
company.” He began to wipe the corner of his eye with
a rag.
“Dern your skin, ain’t the company good enough for you?”
“Darn you. Aren’t we good enough company?” asked
says the baldhead, pretty pert and uppish.
the bald guy curtly and kind of upset.
“Yes, it IS good enough for me; it’s as good as I deserve; for
“Yes, it IS good enough for me. It’s as good as I
who fetched me so low when I was so high? I did myself. I
don’t blame YOU, gentlemen—far from it; I don’t blame
deserve. For who brought me down so low when I was
so high? I did. I don’t blame YOU, gentlemen. Far
anybody. I deserve it all. Let the cold world do its worst; one
thing I know—there’s a grave somewhere for me. The world
from it. I don’t blame anyone. I deserve it all. Let the
cold, cruel world do its worst to me. I only know one
may go on just as it’s always done, and take everything from
me—loved ones, property, everything; but it can’t take that.
thing—there’s a grave waiting for me somewhere. The
world can go on as it’s always done, taking everything
Some day I’ll lie down in it and forget it all, and my poor
broken heart will be at rest.” He went on a-wiping.
from me—my loved ones, property, everything. But it
can’t take my grave from me. One day I’ll lie down in it
and forget everything. My poor broken heart will be at
rest.” He kept wiping his eyes.
“Drot your pore broken heart,” says the baldhead; “what are
you heaving your pore broken heart at US f’r? WE hain’t
“Damn your poor broken heart,” the bald guy said.
“Why are you crying to US about your poor broken
done nothing.”
heart? WE haven’t done anything to you.”
“No, I know you haven’t. I ain’t blaming you, gentlemen. I
“No—I know you haven’t. I’m not blaming you,
brought myself down—yes, I did it myself. It’s right I should
suffer—perfectly right—I don’t make any moan.”
gentlemen. I brought myself down. Yes, I did it myself.
It’s only right that I should suffer. It’s perfectly right. I’m
not going to complain.”
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“Brought you down from whar? Whar was you brought down
from?”
“Brought you down from what? Where were you
brought down from?”
“Ah, you would not believe me; the world never believes—let
it pass—’tis no matter. The secret of my birth—”
“Ah, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. The world
never believes. Just let it go. It doesn’t matter. The
secret of my birth….”
“The secret of your birth! Do you mean to say—”
“The secret of your birth?! Are you telling me….”
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“Gentlemen,” says the young man, very solemn, “I will
reveal it to you, for I feel I may have confidence in you. By
“Gentlemen,” said the younger man very solemnly. “I
will reveal the secret of my birth to you, since I feel like
rights I am a duke!”
I can trust you. By birth I am a duke!”
Jim’s eyes bugged out when he heard that; and I reckon
Jim’s eyes bugged out of his head when he heard
mine did, too. Then the baldhead says: “No! you can’t mean
it?”
that. I imagine mine did too. Then the bald guy said:
“No! Really?”
“Yes. My great-grandfather, eldest son of the Duke of
Bridgewater, fled to this country about the end of the last
“Yes, my great grandfather was the eldest son of the
Duke of Bridgewater. He fled to this country at the end
century, to breathe the pure air of freedom; married here,
and died, leaving a son, his own father dying about the
of the last century to breathe the pure air of freedom.
He was married here and died, leaving a son. His own
same time. The second son of the late duke seized the titles
and estates—the infant real duke was ignored. I am the
father died about the same time, and his second
eldest son took all the titles and the land—the little
lineal descendant of that infant—I am the rightful Duke of
Bridgewater; and here am I, forlorn, torn from my high
baby, who was the rightful heir, was born here in
America, and was ignored. I am the direct descendant
estate, hunted of men, despised by the cold world, ragged,
worn, heart-broken, and degraded to the companionship of
of that infant. I am the rightful Duke of Bridgewater.
Yet here I am, shabby, torn from my noble birth,
felons on a raft!”
hunted by other men, despised by the cold world,
ragged, worn out, heart broken, and degraded to be
companions with criminals on a raft!”
Jim pitied him ever so much, and so did I. We tried to
Jim felt an awful lot of pity for him, and so did I. We
comfort him, but he said it warn’t much use, he couldn’t be
much comforted; said if we was a mind to acknowledge him,
tried to comfort him, but he said it wasn’t much use—
he couldn’t be comforted. He said that us
that would do him more good than most anything else; so
we said we would, if he would tell us how. He said we ought
acknowledging his true identity would do him more
good than anything else, so we said we would, if he’d
to bow when we spoke to him, and say “Your Grace,” or “My
Lord,” or “Your Lordship"—and he wouldn’t mind it if we
just tell us how to do so. He said we ought to bow
when we spoke to him and say, “Your Grace,” “My
called him plain “Bridgewater,” which, he said, was a title
anyway, and not a name; and one of us ought to wait on him
Lord,” or “Your Lordship.” He also said he wouldn’t
mind it if we simply called him “Bridgewater,” which,
at dinner, and do any little thing for him he wanted done.
he said, was a title in and of itself and not just a name.
One of us ought to wait on him at dinner, too, and do
whatever he wanted.
Well, that was all easy, so we done it. All through dinner Jim
Well, that was easy enough, so we did it. Jim stood
stood around and waited on him, and says, “Will yo’ Grace
around and waited on him throughout dinner, saying,
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have some o’ dis or some o’ dat?” and so on, and a body
could see it was mighty pleasing to him.
“Will your Grace have some of this or some of that?”
and so on. You coud just see that it pleased him
greatly.
But the old man got pretty silent by and by—didn’t have
Soon after, the old man got quiet. He didn’t have
much to say, and didn’t look pretty comfortable over all that
petting that was going on around that duke. He seemed to
much to say, and he didn’t look very comfortable
about us fawning all over the duke. He seemed to
have something on his mind. So, along in the afternoon, he
says:
have something on his mind. So, at one point in the
afternoon, he said:
“Looky here, Bilgewater,” he says, “I’m nation sorry for you,
but you ain’t the only person that’s had troubles like that.”
“Look here, Bilgewater. I’m extremely sorry for you,
but you aren’t the only person who’s had troubles like
that.”
“No?”
“No?”
“No you ain’t. You ain’t the only person that’s ben snaked
down wrongfully out’n a high place.”
“No, you aren’t. You aren’t the only person that’s been
wrongfully dragged down from a high station.”
“Alas!”
“Oh no!”
“No, you ain’t the only person that’s had a secret of his
“No, you aren’t the only person who has a secret
birth.” And, by jings, HE begins to cry.
about his birth.” Then, by golly, HE began to cry!
“Hold! What do you mean?”
“Wait a minute! What do you mean?”
“Bilgewater, kin I trust you?” says the old man, still sort of
sobbing.
“Bilgewater, can I trust you?” asked the old man, still
sobbing a little.
“To the bitter death!” He took the old man by the hand and
squeezed it, and says, “That secret of your being: speak!”
“To the bitter end!” The duke took the old man by the
hand, squeezed it, and said, “Tell me your secret!”
“Bilgewater, I am the late Dauphin!”
“Bilgewater, I am the late Dauphin!”
You bet you, Jim and me stared this time. Then the duke
You can bet Jim and I just stared this time. Then the
says:
duke said:
“You are what?”
“You’re a… a what?”
“Yes, my friend, it is too true—your eyes is lookin’ at this
very moment on the pore disappeared Dauphin, Looy the
“Yes, my friend, it’s true. The man you’re looking at
right now is the poor Dauphin, Louis the XVII, son of
Seventeen, son of Looy the Sixteen and Marry Antonette.”
Louix the XVI and Marie Antoinette, who disappeared
so long ago.”
“You! At your age! No! You mean you’re the late
Charlemagne; you must be six or seven hundred years old,
“No! At your age? No! You mean you’re the late
Charlemagne? You must be at least six or seven
at the very least.”
hundred years old!”
“Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it; trouble
“Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it.
has brung these gray hairs and this premature balditude.
Yes, gentlemen, you see before you, in blue jeans and
Trouble has brought gray hairs and premature
baldness. Yes, gentlemen, the man you see before
misery, the wanderin’, exiled, trampled-on, and sufferin’
rightful King of France.”
you, miserable and dressed in blue jeans, is the
wandering, exiled, trampled on, suffering rightful king
of France.”
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Well, he cried and took on so that me and Jim didn’t know
hardly what to do, we was so sorry—and so glad and proud
Well, he cried and carried on so much that Jim and I
didn’t know what to do. We felt so sorry for him—and
we’d got him with us, too. So we set in, like we done before
with the duke, and tried to comfort HIM. But he said it warn’t
so happy and proud that he was now with us. So we
tried to comfort him by doing the same thing that we’d
no use, nothing but to be dead and done with it all could do
him any good; though he said it often made him feel easier
been doing for the duke. But he said it wasn’t any use
and that he wouldn’t feel better until he was dead and
and better for a while if people treated him according to his
rights, and got down on one knee to speak to him, and
gone. He did say it often made him feel better when
people treated him with the respect due to a king by
always called him “Your Majesty,” and waited on him first at
meals, and didn’t set down in his presence till he asked
doing things such as bending down on one knee when
speaking to him, always addressing him as “Your
them. So Jim and me set to majestying him, and doing this
and that and t’other for him, and standing up till he told us
Majesty,” waiting on him first during meals, and not
sitting down in his presence until he’d asked them. So
we might set down. This done him heaps of good, and so he
got cheerful and comfortable. But the duke kind of soured on
Jim and I started treating him like royalty, too, by
doing this and that for him and standing up until he
him, and didn’t look a bit satisfied with the way things was
going; still, the king acted real friendly towards him, and said
told us we could sit down. This made him feel a lot
better, and he grew more cheerful and comfortable.
the duke’s great-grandfather and all the other Dukes of
Bilgewater was a good deal thought of by HIS father, and
But the duke started to look sour. He didn’t seem to be
happy with the way things were going. Nevertheless,
was allowed to come to the palace considerable; but the
duke stayed huffy a good while, till by and by the king says:
the king acted friendly toward the duke. He said that
his father had had always though highly of the duke’s
great-grandfather and all the other Dukes of
Bilgewater and often invited them to the palace. Still,
the duke stayed huffy for quite a while until the king
eventually said:
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“Like as not we got to be together a blamed long time on this
h-yer raft, Bilgewater, and so what’s the use o’ your bein’
“More likely than not, we’ll be together for a long time
on this raft, Bilgewater. What’s the use in your being
sour? It ’ll only make things oncomfortable. It ain’t my fault I
warn’t born a duke, it ain’t your fault you warn’t born a
so sour? It’ll only make things uncomfortable. It isn’t
my fault I wasn’t born a duke, and it isn’t your fault that
king—so what’s the use to worry? Make the best o’ things
the way you find ’em, says I—that’s my motto. This ain’t no
you weren’t born a king—so why worry about it? My
motto is: Take the best of things, no matter how you
bad thing that we’ve struck here—plenty grub and an easy
life—come, give us your hand, duke, and le’s all be friends.”
find them. We’re not in a bad situation here. We’ve got
plenty of food, and it’s a pretty easy life. Give me your
hand, duke, and let’s all be friends.”
The duke done it, and Jim and me was pretty glad to see it.
Jim and I were pretty glad to see that the duke took
It took away all the uncomfortableness and we felt mighty
good over it, because it would a been a miserable business
his hand, because it took away all the awkwardness.
We felt pretty good about it, because it would have
to have any unfriendliness on the raft; for what you want,
above all things, on a raft, is for everybody to be satisfied,
been miserable to have unfriendliness on the raft.
More than anything else, you want everyone on a raft
and feel right and kind towards the others.
to be satisfied and to feel good about everyone else.
It didn’t take me long to make up my mind that these liars
It didn’t take me long to figure out that these liars
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warn’t no kings nor dukes at all, but just low-down humbugs
and frauds. But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to
weren’t kings or dukes at all, but only low down con
artists and frauds. But I didn’t say anything; I never let
myself; it’s the best way; then you don’t have no quarrels,
and don’t get into no trouble. If they wanted us to call them
on that I knew. I just kept it to myself. That’s the best
way, you see, when there aren’t any fights and you
kings and dukes, I hadn’t no objections, ’long as it would
keep peace in the family; and it warn’t no use to tell Jim, so I
don’t get into any trouble. If they wanted us to call
them kings and dukes, I wouldn’t object as long as
didn’t tell him. If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I
learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people
they didn’t cause any trouble on the raft. And it wasn’t
any use to tell Jim, so I didn’t. If I learned anything
is to let them have their own way.
from pap, it was that the best way to get along with
people like them is to let them have their way.
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THEY asked us considerable many questions; wanted to
know what we covered up the raft that way for, and laid by in
They asked us an awful lot of questions. They wanted
to know why we were covered up the raft, and why we
the daytime instead of running—was Jim a runaway nigger?
Says I:
rested during the day instead of running—wait, was
Jim a runaway n-----? I said:
“Goodness sakes! would a runaway nigger run SOUTH?”
“For goodness’s sake! Would a runaway n----- head
SOUTH?”
No, they allowed he wouldn’t. I had to account for things
some way, so I says:
No, they said he wouldn’t. I had to find some way to
explain all these things, so I said:
“My folks was living in Pike County, in Missouri, where I was
born, and they all died off but me and pa and my brother Ike.
“My folks were living in Pike County, Missouri, where I
was born, but they all died except for pa, my brother
Pa, he ’lowed he’d break up and go down and live with
Uncle Ben, who’s got a little one-horse place on the river,
Ike, and me. Pa said he’d figured he’d go live with
Uncle Ben, who has a small one-horse farm on the
forty-four mile below Orleans. Pa was pretty poor, and had
some debts; so when he’d squared up there warn’t nothing
river about forty-four miles below New Orleans. Pa
was pretty poor and had a lot of debt. When he paid it
left but sixteen dollars and our nigger, Jim. That warn’t
enough to take us fourteen hundred mile, deck passage nor
all off, we didn’t have anything except sixteen dollars
and our n----- Jim. That wasn’t going to be enough to
no other way. Well, when the river rose pa had a streak of
luck one day; he ketched this piece of a raft; so we reckoned
take us fouteen hundred miles—not even if by deck
passage. Well, when the river swelled, pa got lucky
we’d go down to Orleans on it. Pa’s luck didn’t hold out; a
steamboat run over the forrard corner of the raft one night,
one day and caught this piece of raft. So we figured
we’d float down to New Orleans on it. Pa’s luck didn’t
and we all went overboard and dove under the wheel; Jim
and me come up all right, but pa was drunk, and Ike was
hold out, though. A steamboat ran over the front
corner of the raft one night, and we all went
only four years old, so they never come up no more. Well,
for the next day or two we had considerable trouble,
overboard. We dove under the wheel, and Jim and I
came up okay, but pa was drunk and Ike was only four
because people was always coming out in skiffs and trying
to take Jim away from me, saying they believed he was a
years old. They didn’t come back up. Well, the next
day we had a lot of trouble from people coming out to
runaway nigger. We don’t run daytimes no more now; nights
they don’t bother us.”
us in skiffs and trying to take Jim away. They thought
he was a runaway n-----. That’s why we don’t float
down the river during the day any more. No one
bothers us at night.”
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The duke says:
The duke said:
“Leave me alone to cipher out a way so we can run in the
“Leave me sit alone and figure out a way that we can
daytime if we want to. I’ll think the thing over—I’ll invent a
plan that’ll fix it. We’ll let it alone for to-day, because of
travel during the day if we want to. I’ll think it over and
come up with a plan. We’ll let it go for today, because,
course we don’t want to go by that town yonder in daylight—
it mightn’t be healthy.”
of course, we don’t want to pass by that town in the
daylight—it might not be healthy for us.”
Towards night it begun to darken up and look like rain; the
heat lightning was squirting around low down in the sky, and
As night started to fall, the sky began to get dark, and
it looked like it was going to rain. Lightning struck low
the leaves was beginning to shiver—it was going to be
pretty ugly, it was easy to see that. So the duke and the king
in the sky, and the leaves of the trees were beginning
to shiver—it was easy to see that we were in for an
went to overhauling our wigwam, to see what the beds was
like. My bed was a straw tick better than Jim’s, which was a
ugly storm. The duke and the king checked out our
wigwam to see what the beds were like. My bed was
corn-shuck tick; there’s always cobs around about in a
shuck tick, and they poke into you and hurt; and when you
just a straw mattress, but Jim’s was only a mattress
made out of corn husks. There’s always a cob or two
roll over the dry shucks sound like you was rolling over in a
pile of dead leaves; it makes such a rustling that you wake
still hidden in corn husk mattresses, and they hurt
when they poke you. And when you roll over in the
up. Well, the duke allowed he would take my bed; but the
king allowed he wouldn’t. He says:
husks, it sounds like you’re rolling over in a pile of
dead leaves. They rustle so loudly that you wake up.
Well, the duke said he’d take my bed, but the king
said HE would. He said:
“I should a reckoned the difference in rank would a sejested
to you that a corn-shuck bed warn’t just fitten for me to sleep
“I figure that the difference in our rank would have
suggested to you that a bed made out of corn husks
on. Your Grace ’ll take the shuck bed yourself.”
isn’t fit for me to sleep on. You can take the corn husk
bed yourself, Your Grace.”
Jim and me was in a sweat again for a minute, being afraid
there was going to be some more trouble amongst them; so
For a minute, Jim and I were worried that there was
going to be some serious trouble between them. We
we was pretty glad when the duke says:
were really glad when the duke said:
“’Tis my fate to be always ground into the mire under the
“It is my fate to always be ground into the mud under
iron heel of oppression. Misfortune has broken my once
haughty spirit; I yield, I submit; ’tis my fate. I am alone in the
the iron heel of oppression. Misfortunate has broken
my spirit, and I am no longer haughty. You win—I give
world—let me suffer; can bear it.”
up—it is my fate. I am alone in the world. Let me
suffer, I can take it.”
We got away as soon as it was good and dark. The king told
us to stand well out towards the middle of the river, and not
We started out as soon as it was good and dark. The
king told us to take the raft out toward the middle of
show a light till we got a long ways below the town. We
come in sight of the little bunch of lights by and by—that was
the river and not to light any fires until we’d floated
well past the town. Pretty soon we came to a bunch of
the town, you know—and slid by, about a half a mile out, all
right. When we was three-quarters of a mile below we
lights—which was the town—and slid past about a half
a mile without incident. When we were three-quarters
hoisted up our signal lantern; and about ten o’clock it come
on to rain and blow and thunder and lighten like everything;
of a mile past the town, we lit our signal lantern. The
storm hit around ten o’clock. It brought rain, thunder,
so the king told us to both stay on watch till the weather got
better; then him and the duke crawled into the wigwam and
lightning, and wind, and everything else. The king told
us both to stay on watch until the weather got better,
turned in for the night. It was my watch below till twelve, but
while he and the duke crawled into the wigwam for the
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I wouldn’t a turned in anyway if I’d had a bed, because a
body don’t see such a storm as that every day in the week,
night. I was on watch until midnight, but I wouldn’t
have gone to bed even if I had one. A storm like that
not by a long sight. My souls, how the wind did scream
along! And every second or two there’d come a glare that lit
doesn’t come along every day of the week—not by a
long shot. My word, how the wind screamed! And
up the white-caps for a half a mile around, and you’d see the
islands looking dusty through the rain, and the trees
every second or two a flash of lightning would light up
the white caps on the surface of the water for half a
thrashing around in the wind; then comes a H-WHACK!—
bum! bum! bumble-umble-um-bum-bum-bum-bum—and the
mile in every direction. You could make out the islands
through the pouring rain and see the trees thrashing
thunder would go rumbling and grumbling away, and quit—
and then RIP comes another flash and another sockdolager.
around in the wind. Then would come a WHACK!
Bum! Bum! Bumble-umble-um-bum-bum-bum-bum as
The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I
hadn’t any clothes on, and didn’t mind. We didn’t have no
the thunder rumbled and grumbled before dying away.
And then, RIP, another flash of lightning and another
trouble about snags; the lightning was glaring and flittering
around so constant that we could see them plenty soon
great crash of thunder would come along. The waves
almost swept me off the raft a few times, but I didn’t
enough to throw her head this way or that and miss them.
have any clothes on, and I didn’t mind. We didn’t have
any trouble running into any snags—the lightning
flashed so bright and frequent that we could see them
coming in plenty of time to stear around.
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I had the middle watch, you know, but I was pretty sleepy by
that time, so Jim he said he would stand the first half of it for
I had the middle watch, but I was pretty sleepy by that
time, so Jim said he’d take the first half of it for me. He
me; he was always mighty good that way, Jim was. I
crawled into the wigwam, but the king and the duke had
was really good about things like that. I crawled into
the wigwam, but there wasn’t any room for me
their legs sprawled around so there warn’t no show for me;
so I laid outside—I didn’t mind the rain, because it was
because the king and the duke had their legs
sprawled. So I lay down outside—I didn’t mind the rain
warm, and the waves warn’t running so high now. About two
they come up again, though, and Jim was going to call me;
because it was warm, and the waves weren’t very
large. They started getting bad again around two
but he changed his mind, because he reckoned they warn’t
high enough yet to do any harm; but he was mistaken about
o’clock, though. Jim was going to call me, but he
changed his mind after deciding they weren’t yet high
that, for pretty soon all of a sudden along comes a regular
ripper and washed me overboard. It most killed Jim a-
enough to do any harm. He was mistaken about that,
though, because pretty soon a huge wave came along
laughing. He was the easiest nigger to laugh that ever was,
anyway.
all of a sudden and washed me overboard. Jim nearly
died from laughter. He laughed more often than any n---- I’d ever seen.
I took the watch, and Jim he laid down and snored away;
I took the watch, and Jim laid down and started
and by and by the storm let up for good and all; and the first
cabin-light that showed I rousted him out, and we slid the
snoring. Pretty soon the storm let up for good. I woke
him up when I spotted the first cabin light from the
raft into hiding quarters for the day.
shore, and we found a place to hide the raft for the
day.
The king got out an old ratty deck of cards after breakfast,
and him and the duke played seven-up a while, five cents a
The king pulled out a ratty old deck of cards after
breakfast, and he and the duke played seven-up for a
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game. Then they got tired of it, and allowed they would “lay
out a campaign,” as they called it. The duke went down into
while, betting five cents per game. Then they got tired
of it, and figured they would “come up with a
his carpet-bag, and fetched up a lot of little printed bills and
read them out loud. One bill said, “The celebrated Dr.
campaign,” as they called it. The duke dug deep into
his carpetbag and pulled of a lot of printed bills and
Armand de Montalban, of Paris,” would “lecture on the
Science of Phrenology” at such and such a place, on the
read them out loud. One bill said, “The celebrated Dr.
Armand de Montalban of Paris” would “lecture on the
blank day of blank, at ten cents admission, and “furnish
charts of character at twenty-five cents apiece.” The duke
Science of Phrenology” at such-and-such a place at
such-and-such a time. Admission was ten cents, and
said that was HIM. In another bill he was the “worldrenowned Shakespearian tragedian, Garrick the Younger, of
you could also buy “charts of character” for twenty-five
cents apiece. The duke said these bills were of HIM.
Drury Lane, London.” In other bills he had a lot of other
names and done other wonderful things, like finding water
Another bill advertised the “world-renowned
Shakespearean tragedian, Garrick the Younger, of
and gold with a “divining-rod,” “dissipating witch spells,” and
so on. By and by he says:
Drury Lane, London.” Other bills displayed different
names and advertisments for other great feats, such
as finding water and gold with a “divining rod,”
“dissipating witch spells,” and so on. Eventually he
said:
“But the histrionic muse is the darling. Have you ever trod
“Ah, but the histrionic muse is the best. Have you ever
the boards, Royalty?”
trod the boards, Royalty?”
“No,” says the king.
“No,” said the king.
“You shall, then, before you’re three days older, Fallen
Grandeur,” says the duke. “The first good town we come to
“Well, you will before the next three days are up, my
Fallen Royalty,” said the duke. “In the next town we
we’ll hire a hall and do the sword fight in Richard III. and the
balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. How does that strike
come to, we’ll rent out a public hall and put on the
sword fight from Richard III and the balcony scene
you?”
from Romeo and Juliet. What do you think of that?”
“I’m in, up to the hub, for anything that will pay, Bilgewater;
“I’m up for anything that’ll make us some money,
but, you see, I don’t know nothing about play-actin’, and
hain’t ever seen much of it. I was too small when pap used
Bilgewater. But, you see, I don’t know anything about
acting. I haven’t seen many plays. I was too small
to have ’em at the palace. Do you reckon you can learn
me?”
when pap used to have them performed at the palace.
Do you suppose you can teach me?”
“Easy!”
“Easily!”
“All right. I’m jist a-freezn’ for something fresh, anyway. Le’s
“All right. I’m dying for a fresh new scheme anyway.
commence right away.”
Let’s get started right away.”
So the duke he told him all about who Romeo was and who
So the duke told him all about Romeo and Juliet. He
Juliet was, and said he was used to being Romeo, so the
king could be Juliet.
said the king could be Juliet since he himself was
used to playing the part of Romeo.”
“But if Juliet’s such a young gal, duke, my peeled head and
my white whiskers is goin’ to look oncommon odd on her,
“But Juliet’s supposed to be a young girl, duke. My
bald head and white whiskers are going to look pretty
maybe.”
funny on her, I think.”
“No, don’t you worry; these country jakes won’t ever think of
“You don’t need to worry about that—these country
that. Besides, you know, you’ll be in costume, and that
makes all the difference in the world; Juliet’s in a balcony,
bumpkins won’t even notice. Besides, you’ll be in
costume, and that makes all the differene in the world.
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enjoying the moonlight before she goes to bed, and she’s
got on her night-gown and her ruffled nightcap. Here are the
Juliet’s in a balcony, enjoying the moonlight before
she goes to bed, and she’s wearing her nightgown
costumes for the parts.”
and her ruffled nightcap. Here are the costumes for all
the parts.”
He got out two or three curtain-calico suits, which he said
was meedyevil armor for Richard III and t’other chap, and a
He pulled out two or three suits made from calico used
for curtains. He said one was made to look like
long white cotton nightshirt and a ruffled nightcap to match.
The king was satisfied; so the duke got out his book and
medieval armor for Richard III and the guy he fights.
He also had a long white cotton nightshirt and a
read the parts over in the most splendid spread-eagle way,
prancing around and acting at the same time, to show how it
matching ruffled nightcap for the girl. The king was
satisfied, so the duke got out his book and read the
had got to be done; then he give the book to the king and
told him to get his part by heart.
lines aloud, prancing around and acting them out
while he read. Then he gave the book to the king, and
told him to memorize his lines.
There was a little one-horse town about three mile down the
There was a little one-horse town about three miles
bend, and after dinner the duke said he had ciphered out his
idea about how to run in daylight without it being
down around the bend in the river. After dinner, the
duke said he’d figured out a way so that we could
dangersome for Jim; so he allowed he would go down to the
town and fix that thing. The king allowed he would go, too,
travel during the day without putting Jim in danger,
and that he’d have to go to town to set it up. The king
and see if he couldn’t strike something. We was out of
coffee, so Jim said I better go along with them in the canoe
said he would go with him to scout out any good
opportunities. We were out of coffee, so Jim said that I
and get some.
should go with them in the canoe and get some more.
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When we got there there warn’t nobody stirring; streets
There wasn’t anyone around when we got to the town.
empty, and perfectly dead and still, like Sunday. We found a
sick nigger sunning himself in a back yard, and he said
The streets were empty—perfectly dead and still, like
it would be on a Sunday. We found a sick n-----
everybody that warn’t too young or too sick or too old was
gone to camp-meeting, about two mile back in the woods.
sunning himself in the backyard. He said that
everyone who wasn’t too young or sick or old had
The king got the directions, and allowed he’d go and work
that camp-meeting for all it was worth, and I might go, too.
gone to a camp meeting about two miles into the
woods. The king got directions from him and said he’d
go scam those people for all they were worth. He said
I could go come along.
The duke said what he was after was a printing-office. We
found it; a little bit of a concern, up over a carpenter shop—
The duke said he needed to find a printing office. We
found a small one housed above a carpenter’s shop.
carpenters and printers all gone to the meeting, and no
doors locked. It was a dirty, littered-up place, and had ink
Both the carpenter and the printer had gone to the
meeting and left the doors unlocked. It was a dirty
marks, and handbills with pictures of horses and runaway
niggers on them, all over the walls. The duke shed his coat
place with lots of junk lying around. There were ink
marks and handbills showing pictures of horses and
and said he was all right now. So me and the king lit out for
the camp-meeting.
runaway n------ posted all over the walls. The duke
removed his coat and said that he’d be okay, so the
king and I headed for the camp meeting.
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We got there in about a half an hour fairly dripping, for it was
a most awful hot day. There was as much as a thousand
It was a really hot day, and we were dripping with
sweat after the thirty minutes or so walk it took to get
people there from twenty mile around. The woods was full of
teams and wagons, hitched everywheres, feeding out of the
there. There were about a thousand people there
who’d come from miles around. The woods were full of
wagon-troughs and stomping to keep off the flies. There was
sheds made out of poles and roofed over with branches,
horses and wagons hitched up everywhere. The
horses were eating out of the wagon troughs and
where they had lemonade and gingerbread to sell, and piles
of watermelons and green corn and such-like truck.
stomping around to keep the flies away. Lemonade
and gingerbread were being sold out of sheds made
from poles with roofs of branches. Piles of watermelon
and green corn and the like literred the ground.
The preaching was going on under the same kinds of sheds,
only they was bigger and held crowds of people. The
There were also much larger sheds where crowds of
people gathered to hear the preaching. There were
benches was made out of outside slabs of logs, with holes
bored in the round side to drive sticks into for legs. They
benches made from the outside of sawed logs—they
had holes bored into the round side of the log to drive
didn’t have no backs. The preachers had high platforms to
stand on at one end of the sheds. The women had on sun-
sticks in for the legs. The benches didn’t have any
backs. The preachers stood on high platforms at one
bonnets; and some had linsey-woolsey frocks, some
gingham ones, and a few of the young ones had on calico.
end of the sheds. The women wore sunbonnets, and
some wore linsey-woolsey frock, while others had on
Some of the young men was barefooted, and some of the
children didn’t have on any clothes but just a tow-linen shirt.
gingham frocks. A few of the young ones had calico
frocks. Some of the young men were barefooted, and
Some of the old women was knitting, and some of the young
folks was courting on the sly.
some of the children were naked except a tow-linen
shirt. Some of the old women were knitting, and some
of the young folk were secretly flirting with each other.
The first shed we come to the preacher was lining out a
In the first shed we came to, the preacher was going
hymn. He lined out two lines, everybody sung it, and it was
kind of grand to hear it, there was so many of them and they
over a hymn. He said the first two lines, and everyone
sang it back. It sounded kind of grand, because there
done it in such a rousing way; then he lined out two more for
them to sing—and so on. The people woke up more and
were so many people, and they sang in such a stirring
way. He said two more lines, and they would sing, and
more, and sung louder and louder; and towards the end
some begun to groan, and some begun to shout. Then the
so on. The people got more and more into it, singing
louder and louder. Toward the end of the hymn, some
preacher begun to preach, and begun in earnest, too; and
went weaving first to one side of the platform and then the
people began to groan, and some even began to
shout. Then the preacher began to preach with a lot of
other, and then a-leaning down over the front of it, with his
arms and his body going all the time, and shouting his words
passion. He’d weave to one side of the platform, and
then he’d weave to the other. Then he’d lean down
out with all his might; and every now and then he would hold
up his Bible and spread it open, and kind of pass it around
over the front with his arms waving and his body
moving all the time, while he shouted his words with
this way and that, shouting, “It’s the brazen serpent in the
wilderness! Look upon it and live!” And people would shout
all his might. Every now and then he’d hold up his
Bible and spread it open and pass it around, shouting,
out, “Glory!—A-a-MEN!” And so he went on, and the people
groaning and crying and saying amen:
“It’s that devilish serpent in the wilderness! Look at it
and live!” People would shout out, “Glory! A-MEN!”
While the people groaned and cryed and said amen,
he continued preaching:
“Oh, come to the mourners’ bench! come, black with sin!
(AMEN!) come, sick and sore! (AMEN!) come, lame and halt
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“Oh! Come up here to the mourner’s bench! Come all
of you, who are black with sin! (AMEN!) Come, all you
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and blind! (AMEN!) come, pore and needy, sunk in shame!
(A-A-MEN!) come, all that’s worn and soiled and suffering!—
who are sick and sore! (AMEN!) Come, all you who
are lame and crippled and blind! (AMEN!) Come, all of
come with a broken spirit! come with a contrite heart! Come
in your rags and sin and dirt! the waters that cleanse is free,
you who are worn out and tired and suffering—come
with your broken spirit! Come with your guilty heart!
the door of heaven stands open—oh, enter in and be at
rest!” (A-A-MEN! GLORY, GLORY HALLELUJAH!)
Come in your rags and sin and dirt! The waters that
will clean you are free to you! The door of heaven
stands open to you! Come in and be at peace! (A-AMEN! GLORY, GLORY HALLELUJAH!)”
And so on. You couldn’t make out what the preacher said
any more, on account of the shouting and crying. Folks got
And so on and so on. You couldn’t make out what the
preacher was saying after that because of all the
up everywheres in the crowd, and worked their way just by
main strength to the mourners’ bench, with the tears running
shouting and crying. Folks throughout the crowd stood
up and fought their way to the mourner’s bench with
down their faces; and when all the mourners had got up
there to the front benches in a crowd, they sung and
all their might. Tears were running down their faces.
When all the mourners had gotten up to the benches
shouted and flung themselves down on the straw, just crazy
and wild.
in front, they sang and shouted and flung themselves
down on the straw floor, as if they were crazy or wild.
Well, the first I knowed the king got a-going, and you could
hear him over everybody; and next he went a-charging up
Well, before I knew it, the king had jumped in the mix.
You could hear his voice over all the others. In no time
on to the platform, and the preacher he begged him to
speak to the people, and he done it. He told them he was a
he was charging up to the platform. The preacher
begged him to speak to the people, and he did. He
pirate—been a pirate for thirty years out in the Indian
Ocean—and his crew was thinned out considerable last
told them he was a pirate—had been a pirate out in
the Indian Ocean for thirty years—and that he’d lost
spring in a fight, and he was home now to take out some
fresh men, and thanks to goodness he’d been robbed last
most of his crew last spring in a battle. Now he was
home to take on some fresh men, but he had been
night and put ashore off of a steamboat without a cent, and
he was glad of it; it was the blessedest thing that ever
robbed last night and kicked off a steamboat. He was
penniless, but he was glad it had happened. It was the
happened to him, because he was a changed man now, and
happy for the first time in his life; and, poor as he was, he
most blessed thing that had ever happened to him.
Now he was a changed man and happy for the first
was going to start right off and work his way back to the
Indian Ocean, and put in the rest of his life trying to turn the
time in his life. Even though he was poor, he was
going to start right away working his way back to the
pirates into the true path; for he could do it better than
anybody else, being acquainted with all pirate crews in that
Indian Ocean. He would devote the rest of his life to
putting other pirates onto the true path. He said he
ocean; and though it would take him a long time to get there
without money, he would get there anyway, and every time
was more qualified than anyone else to do this
because he knew all the pirate crews in that ocean.
he convinced a pirate he would say to him, “Don’t you thank
me, don’t you give me no credit; it all belongs to them dear
And he said that even though he was broke and it
would take him a long time to get there, he’d still find a
people in Pokeville camp-meeting, natural brothers and
benefactors of the race, and that dear preacher there, the
way. Every time he converted a pirate, he’d say to
him, “Don’t thank me—I don’t deserve the credit. It
truest friend a pirate ever had!”
belongs to those dear people at the Pokeville camp
meeting—the kindest white folks in the world live out
there—and that dear preacher, who was the truest
friend a pirate ever had!”
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And then he busted into tears, and so did everybody. Then
somebody sings out, “Take up a collection for him, take up a
Then he burst into tears, and so did everyone else.
Then someone called out, “Take up a collection for
collection!” Well, a half a dozen made a jump to do it, but
somebody sings out, “Let HIM pass the hat around!” Then
him, take up a collection!” Half a dozen people offered
to start one, but then someone cried out, “HE should
everybody said it, the preacher too.
pass the hat around!” Everyone agreed, including the
preacher.
So the king went all through the crowd with his hat swabbing
his eyes, and blessing the people and praising them and
So the king went through the crowd with his hat,
wiping his eyes and blessing the people and praising
thanking them for being so good to the poor pirates away off
there; and every little while the prettiest kind of girls, with the
them and thanking them for being so kind to the poor
pirates way out in the Indian Ocean. And every now
tears running down their cheeks, would up and ask him
would he let them kiss him for to remember him by; and he
and then, a really pretty girl would ask him, with tears
running down her cheeks, if it would be all right if she
always done it; and some of them he hugged and kissed as
many as five or six times—and he was invited to stay a
kissed him so that he’d remember her. He always said
yes, and some of them hugged and kissed him five or
week; and everybody wanted him to live in their houses, and
said they’d think it was an honor; but he said as this was the
six times. He was invited to stay the whole week, and
everyone wanted him to live in their house, saying it
last day of the camp-meeting he couldn’t do no good, and
besides he was in a sweat to get to the Indian Ocean right
would be an honor to have him. But he said that he
wouldn’t be able to stay, since this was the last day of
off and go to work on the pirates.
the camp meeting. Besides, he said, he was in a hurry
to get back to the Indian Ocean to get to work
converting those pirates.
When we got back to the raft and he come to count up he
When we got back to the raft, the king counted up the
found he had collected eighty-seven dollars and seventy-five
cents. And then he had fetched away a three-gallon jug of
money in the collection. He said he’d gotten eightyseven dollars and seventy-five cents. He’d also stolen
whisky, too, that he found under a wagon when he was
starting home through the woods. The king said, take it all
a three gallon jug of whiskey from under a wagon as
we headed through the woods on our way home. The
around, it laid over any day he’d ever put in in the
missionarying line. He said it warn’t no use talking, heathens
king said that, all in all, this was the biggest haul he’d
ever made with a religious scam. He said that talking
don’t amount to shucks alongside of pirates to work a campmeeting with.
about wanting to convert Indians and other heathens
wasn’t nearly as successful as claiming to want to
convert pirates.
The duke was thinking HE’D been doing pretty well till the
The duke said that he had thought HE’D done pretty
king come to show up, but after that he didn’t think so so
much. He had set up and printed off two little jobs for
well that day, but he had come to think differently after
hearing the king’s story. He’d set up a little scam for
farmers in that printing-office—horse bills—and took the
money, four dollars. And he had got in ten dollars’ worth of
farmers and had started by printing some horse bills in
the printing office. He’d taken the money, four dollars.
advertisements for the paper, which he said he would put in
for four dollars if they would pay in advance—so they done
And he’d sold ten dollar’s worth of advertisements for
the newspaper, which he said he’d accept if they paid
it. The price of the paper was two dollars a year, but he took
in three subscriptions for half a dollar apiece on condition of
four dollars in advance, which they did. A newspaper
subscription cost two dollars per year, but he’d taken
them paying him in advance; they were going to pay in
cordwood and onions as usual, but he said he had just
advance payment of one dollar apiece for three
subscriptions. The customers had planned on paying
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bought the concern and knocked down the price as low as
he could afford it, and was going to run it for cash. He set up
him in firewood and onions, as is usual, but he said he
had those things and would prefer cash since he had
a little piece of poetry, which he made, himself, out of his
own head—three verses—kind of sweet and saddish—the
discounted the price of the subscription as low as he
could. He’d written up a little bit of original poetry—
name of it was, “Yes, crush, cold world, this breaking
heart"—and he left that all set up and ready to print in the
three sweet and sad verses that he called “Yes, crush,
cold world, this breaking heart”—and he left that all set
paper, and didn’t charge nothing for it. Well, he took in nine
dollars and a half, and said he’d done a pretty square day’s
up and ready to print in the newspaper, free of charge.
All in all, he’d taken in nine dollars and fifty cents, and
work for it.
had called it a pretty good day’s work.
Then he showed us another little job he’d printed and hadn’t
Then he showed us another little thing he’d printed,
charged for, because it was for us. It had a picture of a
runaway nigger with a bundle on a stick over his shoulder,
free of charge, because it was for us. It had a picture
of a runaway n----- with a bundle on a stick slung over
and “$200 reward” under it. The reading was all about Jim,
and just described him to a dot. It said he run away from St.
his shoulder. It said “$200 reward” under it. The words
on the paper were all about Jim, and they described
Jacques’ plantation, forty mile below New Orleans, last
winter, and likely went north, and whoever would catch him
him perfectly. It said he’d run away last winter from St.
Jacques’s plantation—which was about forty miles
and send him back he could have the reward and expenses.
below New Orleans—and had probably gone north.
Whoever caught him could send him back to claim the
reward and be reimbursed for expenses.
“Now,” says the duke, “after to-night we can run in the
“Now,” said the duke. “After tonight we can travel
daytime if we want to. Whenever we see anybody coming
we can tie Jim hand and foot with a rope, and lay him in the
during the day if we want. Whenever we see anyone
coming, we can just tie Jim up with a rope, lay him
wigwam and show this handbill and say we captured him up
the river, and were too poor to travel on a steamboat, so we
down in the wigwam, and show this handbill indicating
that we captured him up the river. We can say that we
got this little raft on credit from our friends and are going
down to get the reward. Handcuffs and chains would look
were too poor to travel by steamboat. We bought this
little raft on credit from our friends and are going to
still better on Jim, but it wouldn’t go well with the story of us
being so poor. Too much like jewelry. Ropes are the correct
claim the reward. It’d look better if we could put
handcuffs and chains on Jim, but it wouldn’t fit in with
thing—we must preserve the unities, as we say on the
boards.”
our story about being poor. It’d be like if we claimed to
be poor, but had jewelry. Ropes are the best thing—
we can preserve continuities, as we say in the
theater.”
We all said the duke was pretty smart, and there couldn’t be
no trouble about running daytimes. We judged we could
We all agreed that the duke was pretty smart, and that
now we’d have no trouble traveling in the daytime. We
make miles enough that night to get out of the reach of the
powwow we reckoned the duke’s work in the printing office
figured we should travel quite a ways that night to put
enough distance between us and the trouble that the
was going to make in that little town; then we could boom
right along if we wanted to.
duke’s printing scam would likely cause once people
figured out they’d been cheated. Then we wouldn’t
have to worry.
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We laid low and kept still, and never shoved out till nearly
We laid low and kept quiet, and didn’t shove off until
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ten o’clock; then we slid by, pretty wide away from the town,
and didn’t hoist our lantern till we was clear out of sight of it.
nearly ten o’clock. Then we slide out away from the
town, and didn’t hang our lantern out until we were out
of sight.
When Jim called me to take the watch at four in the
When Jim called me to take the watch at four in the
morning, he says:
morning he said:
“Huck, does you reck’n we gwyne to run acrost any mo’
“Huck, do you suppose we’re going to run across any
kings on dis trip?”
more kings on this trip?”
“No,” I says, “I reckon not.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”
“Well,” says he, “dat’s all right, den. I doan’ mine one er two
kings, but dat’s enough. Dis one’s powerful drunk, en de
“Well,” he said. “That’s fine with me. I don’t mind one
or two kings, but that’s enough. This one’s pretty
duke ain’ much better.”
drunk, and the duke isn’t much better.”
I found Jim had been trying to get him to talk French, so he
I found out that Jim had been trying to get the king to
could hear what it was like; but he said he had been in this
country so long, and had so much trouble, he’d forgot it.
speak in French so that he could hear what it sounded
like. But the king had said he’d been in this country so
long and he’d had so much trouble in his life that he’d
forgotten it.
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IT was after sun-up now, but we went right on and didn’t tie
up. The king and the duke turned out by and by looking
It was after sunrise now, but we didn’t tie the raft up
on shore—went right on floating down the river. The
pretty rusty; but after they’d jumped overboard and took a
swim it chippered them up a good deal. After breakfast the
king and the duke woke up after a while looking pretty
groggy, but they chippered up a lot after jumping
king he took a seat on the corner of the raft, and pulled off
his boots and rolled up his britches, and let his legs dangle
overboard and taking a swim. After breakfast, the king
took a seat on the corner of the raft, pulled off his
in the water, so as to be comfortable, and lit his pipe, and
went to getting his Romeo and Juliet by heart. When he had
boots, rolled up his pantlegs, and let his legs dangle in
the water to make himself more comfortable. Then he
got it pretty good him and the duke begun to practice it
together. The duke had to learn him over and over again
lit his pipe and started memorizing his lines from
Romeo and Juliet. When he had them down, he and
how to say every speech; and he made him sigh, and put
his hand on his heart, and after a while he said he done it
the duke began to practice together. The duke had to
teach him again and again how to say every line. He
pretty well; “only,” he says, “you mustn’t bellow out ROME !
that way, like a bull—you must say it soft and sick and
made him sigh and put his hands on his heart, and
after a while he said the king was doing it pretty well.
languishy, so—R-o-o-meo! that is the idea; for Juliet’s a
dear sweet mere child of a girl, you know, and she doesn’t
“Except,” he said, “You can’t yell, ‘ROME!’ like that as
if you were a bull or something—you have to say it
bray like a jackass.”
softly and sweetly, like you’re swooning: ‘R-o-o-meo!’
That’s how you do it. Juliet’s supposed to be a sweet
mere child; she doesn’t bray like a donkey.”
Well, next they got out a couple of long swords that the duke
Next they pulled out a couple of long swords that the
made out of oak laths, and begun to practice the sword
fight—the duke called himself Richard III.; and the way they
duke had made out of laths, and they began to
practice the swordfight. The duke called himself
laid on and pranced around the raft was grand to see. But
Richard III the whole time. It was quite a fine sight to
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by and by the king tripped and fell overboard, and after that
they took a rest, and had a talk about all kinds of adventures
see the way they carried on and pranced around the
raft. But after a while the king tripped and fell
they’d had in other times along the river.
overboard, so after that they rested and talked about
all kinds of adventures they’d had up and down the
river in times past.
After dinner the duke says:
After dinner, the duke said:
“Well, Capet, we’ll want to make this a first-class show, you
know, so I guess we’ll add a little more to it. We want a little
“Well, Capet, we’ll want to make this a first class
show, you know, so I guess we should add a bit more
something to answer encores with, anyway.”
to it. We’ll want a little something to put on after the
encores, anyway.”
“What’s onkores, Bilgewater?”
“What are encores, Bilgewater?”
The duke told him, and then says:
The duke told him, then said:
“I’ll answer by doing the Highland fling or the sailor’s
hornpipe; and you—well, let me see—oh, I’ve got it—you
“I’ll do the Highland fling or the sailor’s hornpipe
dances for my encore, and you can… well, let me
can do Hamlet’s soliloquy.”
see… oh, I’ve got it! You can do Hamlet’s soliloquy.”
“Hamlet’s which?”
“Hamlet’s what?”
“Hamlet’s soliloquy, you know; the most celebrated thing in
Shakespeare. Ah, it’s sublime, sublime! Always fetches the
“Hamlet’s Soliloquy. You know—the most famous
lines in all of Shakespeare. Ah, it’s fantastic! Fantastic!
house. I haven’t got it in the book—I’ve only got one
volume—but I reckon I can piece it out from memory. I’ll just
The audience always loves it. I don’t have it in the
book—I only have one volume of Shakespeare’s
walk up and down a minute, and see if I can call it back from
recollection’s vaults.”
plays—but I guess I can piece it together from
memory. Let me just walk a minute here while I try to
recall it.”
So he went to marching up and down, thinking, and frowning
So he went pacing back and forth, thinking and
horrible every now and then; then he would hoist up his
eyebrows; next he would squeeze his hand on his forehead
frowning deeply every now and then. Then he would
raise his eyebrows, squeeze his hand on his forehead,
and stagger back and kind of moan; next he would sigh, and
next he’d let on to drop a tear. It was beautiful to see him.
stagger back, and kind of moan. Then he would sigh
and pretend to cry a little. It was pretty impressive to
By and by he got it. He told us to give attention. Then he
strikes a most noble attitude, with one leg shoved forwards,
see him. After a minute he got it. He told us to pay
attention. Then he made a very noble face, put one
and his arms stretched away up, and his head tilted back,
looking up at the sky; and then he begins to rip and rave and
leg forward, stretched his arm way up in the air, tilted
his head back, and looked up into the sky. He began
grit his teeth; and after that, all through his speech, he
howled, and spread around, and swelled up his chest, and
to cuss and swear and grit his teeth before finally
starting the speech. The whole time he was speaking,
just knocked the spots out of any acting ever I see before.
This is the speech—I learned it, easy enough, while he was
he howled and flung his arms around and puffed his
chest. He gave a performance that blew every other
learning it to the king:
actor I’d ever seen out of the water. This was his
speech—I learned it pretty easily while he was
teaching it to the king:
To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes
To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes
calamity of so long life; For who would fardels bear, till
Birnam Wood do come to Dunsinane, But that the fear of
calamity of so long life; For who would fardels bear, till
Birnam Wood do come to Dunsinane, But that the fear
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something after death Murders the innocent sleep, Great
nature’s second course, And makes us rather sling the
of something after death Murders the innocent sleep,
Great nature's second course, And makes us rather
arrows of outrageous fortune Than fly to others that we
know not of. There’s the respect must give us pause: Wake
sling the arrows of outrageous fortune Than fly to
others that we know not of. There's the respect must
Duncan with thy knocking! I would thou couldst; For who
would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor’s
give us pause: Wake Duncan with thy knocking! I
would thou couldst; For who would bear the whips and
wrong, the proud man’s contumely, The law’s delay, and the
quietus which his pangs might take, In the dead waste and
scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud
man's contumely, The law's delay, and the quietus
middle of the night, when churchyards yawn In customary
suits of solemn black, But that the undiscovered country
which his pangs might take, In the dead waste and
middle of the night, when churchyards yawn In
from whose bourne no traveler returns, Breathes forth
contagion on the world, And thus the native hue of
customary suits of solemn black, But that the
undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler
resolution, like the poor cat i’ the adage, Is sicklied o’er with
care, And all the clouds that lowered o’er our housetops,
returns, Breathes forth contagion on the world, And
thus the native hue of resolution, like the poor cat i' the
With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name
of action. ’Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. But
adage, Is sicklied o'er with care, And all the clouds
that lowered o'er our housetops, With this regard their
soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and
marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery—go!
currents turn awry, And lose the name of action. 'Tis a
consummation devoutly to be wished. But soft you,
the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble
jaws, But get thee to a nunnery—go!
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Well, the old man he liked that speech, and he mighty soon
got it so he could do it first-rate. It seemed like he was just
Well, the old man liked the speech, and after a short
while he had it memorized. It seemed like he was born
born for it; and when he had his hand in and was excited, it
was perfectly lovely the way he would rip and tear and rair
to deliver it. He would get excited and had his hands
going—it was wonderful they way he’d put so much
up behind when he was getting it off.
into his performance.
The first chance we got the duke he had some showbills
The duke got some handbills printed the first chance
printed; and after that, for two or three days as we floated
along, the raft was a most uncommon lively place, for there
we got. And for two or three days after that, that raft
got to be a pretty lively place as we floated along,
warn’t nothing but sword fighting and rehearsing—as the
duke called it—going on all the time. One morning, when we
since all we’d do was swordfight and rehearse, as the
duke called it. One morning, when we were pretty far
was pretty well down the State of Arkansaw, we come in
sight of a little one-horse town in a big bend; so we tied up
down the river and into the state of Arkansas, we
spotted a little one-horse town on a big bend in the
about three-quarters of a mile above it, in the mouth of a
crick which was shut in like a tunnel by the cypress trees,
river. The duke tied the raft on the shore about three
quarters of a mile upstream, just inside the mouth of a
and all of us but Jim took the canoe and went down there to
see if there was any chance in that place for our show.
creek that was clovered by the cypress trees. All of us
except for Jim went down into the town in the canoe to
see if it would be a good place to put on our show.
We struck it mighty lucky; there was going to be a circus
We got pretty lucky; the country folk were already
there that afternoon, and the country people was already
beginning to come in, in all kinds of old shackly wagons, and
beginning to come into town since there was going to
be a circus there that afternoon. They came on
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on horses. The circus would leave before night, so our show
would have a pretty good chance. The duke he hired the
horseback and rickety old wagons. The circus would
leave before nightfall, so our show would have a pretty
courthouse, and we went around and stuck up our bills.
They read like this:
good chance of being successful. The duke rented the
courthouse to use as a theater, and we went around
town putting up our bills. They said:
Shaksperean Revival ! ! !
Shakespearean Revival ! ! !
Wonderful Attraction!
Wonderful Attraction!
For One Night Only!
For One Night Only!
The world renowned tragedians, David Garrick the Younger,
of Drury Lane Theatre London, and Edmund Kean the elder,
The world renowned tragedians, David Garrick the
Younger, of Drury Lane Theatre, London, and
of the Royal Haymarket Theatre, Whitechapel, Pudding
Lane, Piccadilly, London, and the Royal Continental
Edmund Kean the elder, of the Royal Haymarket
Theater, Whitechapel, Pudding Lane, Picadilly,
Theatres, in their sublime Shaksperean Spectacle entitled
London, and the Royal Continental Theatres, in their
sublime Shakesperean Spectacle entitled
The Balcony Scene in Romeo and Juliet ! ! !
The Balcony Scene in Romeo and Juliet ! ! !
Romeo...................Mr. Garrick
Romeo…………… Mr. Garrick
Juliet..................Mr. Kean
Juliet……………... Mr. Kean
Assisted by the whole strength of the company!
Assisted by the whole strength of the company!
New costumes, new scenes, new appointments!
New costumes, new scenes, new appointments!
Also: The thrilling, masterly, and blood-curdling
Also: The thrilling, masterly, and blood-curdling
Broad-sword conflict In Richard III. ! ! !
Broadsword conflict in Richard III ! ! !
Richard III.............Mr. Garrick
Richard III……………….. Mr. Garrick
Richmond................Mr. Kean
Richmond………………... Mr. Kean
Also: (by special request) Hamlet’s Immortal Soliloquy ! !
Also: (by special request) Hamlet’s Immortal Soliloquy
!!!
By The Illustrious Kean! Done by him 300 consecutive
By the Illustrious Kean! Done by him 300 consecutive
nights in Paris!
nights in Paris!
For One Night Only, On account of imperative European
For One Night Only, On account of imperative
engagements!
European engagements!
Admission 25 cents; children and servants, 10 cents.
Admission 25 cents; children and servants, 10 cents.
Then we went loafing around town. The stores and houses
was most all old, shackly, dried up frame concerns that
After that, we wandered around town. The store and
houses were all old, ramshackled buildings that hadn’t
hadn’t ever been painted; they was set up three or four foot
above ground on stilts, so as to be out of reach of the water
ever been painted. They were all built on stilts three or
four feet off the ground so that they wouldn’t be
when the river was over-flowed. The houses had little
gardens around them, but they didn’t seem to raise hardly
damaged when the river flooded. The houses had little
gardens around them, but nothing seemed to be
anything in them but jimpson-weeds, and sunflowers, and
ash piles, and old curled-up boots and shoes, and pieces of
growing in them except for jimpson weeds and sun
flowers, piles of ash from old fires, worn out old boots
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bottles, and rags, and played-out tinware. The fences was
made of different kinds of boards, nailed on at different
and shoes, pieces of bottles, rags, and banged up tin
pots and pans. The fences were made from different
times; and they leaned every which way, and had gates that
didn’t generly have but one hinge—a leather one. Some of
kinds of boards, all nailed on at different times. They
leaned in all sorts of directions, and the gates only had
the fences had been white-washed some time or another,
but the duke said it was in Clumbus’ time, like enough.
leather hinges. Some of the fences had been
whitewashed at some point, but the duke said it’d
There was generly hogs in the garden, and people driving
them out.
likely been done back during Columbus’s time. There
were lots of pigs in the gardens, and people were
driving them out.
All the stores was along one street. They had white
All the stores were on one street. They had white,
domestic awnings in front, and the country people hitched
their horses to the awning-posts. There was empty drygoods
homey looking awnings in front. The country folk
would hitch their horses to the awning posts, and
boxes under the awnings, and loafers roosting on them all
day long, whittling them with their Barlow knives; and
there were empy drygoods boxes under the awnings.
People would loiter around them all day long, whittling
chawing tobacco, and gaping and yawning and stretching—
a mighty ornery lot. They generly had on yellow straw hats
them with their Barlow knives, chewing tobacco,
yawning, stretching, and staring—they looked like a
most as wide as an umbrella, but didn’t wear no coats nor
waistcoats, they called one another Bill, and Buck, and
pretty mean bunch. There was about one guy loitering
at each awning post, and he’d usually have his hands
Hank, and Joe, and Andy, and talked lazy and drawly, and
used considerable many cuss words. There was as many as
in his pants pockets, except when he took them out to
put a piece of chewing tobacco in his mouth or to
one loafer leaning up against every awning-post, and he
most always had his hands in his britches-pockets, except
scratch himself. They generally wore yellow straw hats
that were as wide as umbrellas, but they didn’t wear
when he fetched them out to lend a chaw of tobacco or
scratch. What a body was hearing amongst them all the time
any coats or vests. They called each other Bill or Buck
or Hank and Joe and Andy and had lazy, drawling
was:
voices. They swore a lot too. And you could hear them
say:
“Gimme a chaw ’v tobacker, Hank.”
“Gimme some chewing tobacco, Hank.”
“Cain’t; I hain’t got but one chaw left. Ask Bill.”
“Can’t—I only got enough for myself left. Ask Bill.”
Maybe Bill he gives him a chaw; maybe he lies and says he
ain’t got none. Some of them kinds of loafers never has a
Maybe Bill would give him some tobacco, or maybe
Bill would lie and say he doesn’t have any. Some
cent in the world, nor a chaw of tobacco of their own. They
get all their chawing by borrowing; they say to a fellow, “I
loiterers like them never have a cent in the world or
any chewing tobacco of their own. They get all their
wisht you’d len’ me a chaw, Jack, I jist this minute give Ben
Thompson the last chaw I had"—which is a lie pretty much
tobacco by borrowing it from others. They’ll say to a
fellow, “I wished you’d lend me some tobacco, Jack—I
everytime; it don’t fool nobody but a stranger; but Jack ain’t
no stranger, so he says:
gave my last bit to Ben Thompson just a minute ago.”
This is pretty much a lie every time, and doesn’t fool
anyone except strangers. But Jack isn’t a stranger, so
he’d say:
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“YOU give him a chaw, did you? So did your sister’s cat’s
“YOU gave him some chewing tobacco, huh? Well, so
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grandmother. You pay me back the chaws you’ve awready
borry’d off’n me, Lafe Buckner, then I’ll loan you one or two
did your sister’s cat’s grandmother. First you pay me
back for the tobacco you already borrowed off me,
ton of it, and won’t charge you no back intrust, nuther.”
Lafe Buckner. Then I’ll loan you one or two tons and
won’t even charge you interest.”
“Well, I DID pay you back some of it wunst.”
“Well, I DID pay you back some of it once.”
“Yes, you did—’bout six chaws. You borry’d store tobacker
“Yes, you did—about six plugs of it. You borrowed
and paid back nigger-head.”
store tobacco and paid me back in n------head.”
Store tobacco is flat black plug, but these fellows mostly
Store tobacco is a flat black plug, but these fellows
chaws the natural leaf twisted. When they borrow a chaw
they don’t generly cut it off with a knife, but set the plug in
usually chew a kind made of twisted, natural tobacco
leaves. When they borrow chewing tobacco, they
between their teeth, and gnaw with their teeth and tug at the
plug with their hands till they get it in two; then sometimes
usually don’t cut it off with a knife, but put the plug in
between their teeth and gnaw at it until it breaks into
the one that owns the tobacco looks mournful at it when it’s
handed back, and says, sarcastic:
two pieces. Then, sometimes the guy that lent the
tobacco gets upset when it’s returned to him and says
sarcastically:
“Here, gimme the CHAW, and you take the PLUG.”
“Hey! Give me the TOBACCO, and you take the
PLUG.”
All the streets and lanes was just mud; they warn’t nothing
All of the streets and roads were made of mud. There
else BUT mud—mud as black as tar and nigh about a foot
deep in some places, and two or three inches deep in ALL
wasn’t anything BUT mud—mud as black as tar, two
or three inches deep at least, and nearly a foot deep
the places. The hogs loafed and grunted around
everywheres. You’d see a muddy sow and a litter of pigs
in some places. Pigs were just grunting and loafing
around everywhere. You’d see a muddy sow and her
come lazying along the street and whollop herself right down
in the way, where folks had to walk around her, and she’d
littler of piglets wander slowly up the street and plant
themselves right down in the middle of the road, so
stretch out and shut her eyes and wave her ears whilst the
pigs was milking her, and look as happy as if she was on
that people had to walk around her. She’d stretch and
shut her eyes and wiggle her ears while she nursed
salary. And pretty soon you’d hear a loafer sing out, “Hi! SO
boy! sick him, Tige!” and away the sow would go, squealing
her piglets, looking as happy as if she was being paid.
Pretty soon you’d hear one of the loiterers call out,
most horrible, with a dog or two swinging to each ear, and
three or four dozen more a-coming; and then you would see
“Hey! SO boy! Sick him, tiger!” and away the sow
would go, squeeling terribly, with a dog or two biting
all the loafers get up and watch the thing out of sight, and
laugh at the fun and look grateful for the noise. Then they’d
each ear and three or four more dozen dogs chasing
from behind. Then you’d see all the loiterers get up
settle back again till there was a dog fight. There couldn’t
anything wake them up all over, and make them happy all
and watch the whole bunch run down the road and out
of sight, laughing at the fun and grateful that
over, like a dog fight—unless it might be putting turpentine
on a stray dog and setting fire to him, or tying a tin pan to his
something had eased their boredom. Then they’d
settle back down again until there was a dog fight or
tail and see him run himself to death.
something. There wasn’t anything that pleased or
excited them more than a dog fight—well, unless it
was putting turpentine on a stray dog and setting it on
fire, or tying a tin pan to its tail and watching it run
itself to death.
On the river front some of the houses was sticking out over
Down on the riverfront there were some houses
the bank, and they was bowed and bent, and about ready to
sticking out over the bank. They bowed and bent, and
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tumble in, The people had moved out of them. The bank
was caved away under one corner of some others, and that
looked just about ready to fall in the water. The people
who lived in them had moved out. The bank had
corner was hanging over. People lived in them yet, but it
was dangersome, because sometimes a strip of land as
caved in under one corner of some other houses,
which were hanging over the water. People still lived
wide as a house caves in at a time. Sometimes a belt of
land a quarter of a mile deep will start in and cave along and
in those houses, but it was pretty dangerous because
a strip of land like that could just cave in at any time.
cave along till it all caves into the river in one summer. Such
a town as that has to be always moving back, and back, and
Sometimes a stretch of land a quarter of a mile deep
like that will cave in slowly over time—the entire strip
back, because the river’s always gnawing at it.
can go in just one summer. A town like this has to
continuously move further and further back from the
bank, because the river’s always eroding it.
The nearer it got to noon that day the thicker and thicker
The closer to noon it got that day, the more the street
was the wagons and horses in the streets, and more coming
all the time. Families fetched their dinners with them from
filled with wagons and horses. And there were more
coming all the time. Families from the countryside
the country, and eat them in the wagons. There was
considerable whisky drinking going on, and I seen three
brought their dinners and ate them in the wagons.
There was a lot of whisky drinking going on, and I saw
fights. By and by somebody sings out:
the fights break out as a result. Pretty soon, someone
cried out:
“Here comes old Boggs!—in from the country for his little old
monthly drunk; here he comes, boys!”
“Here comes old Boggs in from the countryside for his
little old monthly drink! Here he comes, boys!”
All the loafers looked glad; I reckoned they was used to
having fun out of Boggs. One of them says:
All the loiterers looked happy. I guess they were used
to having some fun with Boggs. One of them said:
“Wonder who he’s a-gwyne to chaw up this time. If he’d achawed up all the men he’s ben a-gwyne to chaw up in the
“I wonder what he’s going to kill this time. If he’d killed
all the men he’s been saying he was going to kill for
last twenty year he’d have considerable ruputation now.”
the last twenty years, then he’d have a pretty
fiercesome reputation by now.”
Another one says, “I wisht old Boggs ’d threaten me, ’cuz
then I’d know I warn’t gwyne to die for a thousan’ year.”
Another one said, “I wish old Boggs would threaten
me; then I’d know I wasn’t going to die for a thousand
years.”
Boggs comes a-tearing along on his horse, whooping and
Boggs came galloping in on a horse, whooping and
yelling like an Injun, and singing out:
yelling like and Indian, crying out:
“Cler the track, thar. I’m on the waw-path, and the price uv
“Clear the road there! I’m on the warpath, and the
coffins is a-gwyne to raise.”
price of coffins is going to go up when I start killing
people!”
He was drunk, and weaving about in his saddle; he was
over fifty year old, and had a very red face. Everybody
He was drunk, and weaving back and forth in his
saddle. He was over fifty years old and had a very red
yelled at him and laughed at him and sassed him, and he
sassed back, and said he’d attend to them and lay them out
face. Everyone yelled and laughed and swore at him.
He swore back, and said he’d get to them and kill
in their regular turns, but he couldn’t wait now because he’d
come to town to kill old Colonel Sherburn, and his motto
them soon. He said that’d have to wait, though,
because he’d come to town to kill old Colonel
was, “Meat first, and spoon vittles to top off on.”
Sherburn. He said that his motto was, “Eat the meat
first, then finish up with the sides.”
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He see me, and rode up and says:
He saw me, rode up to me, and said:
“Whar’d you come f’m, boy? You prepared to die?”
“Where’d you come from, boy? Are you prepared to
die?”
Then he rode on. I was scared, but a man says:
Then he rode on. I was scared, but a man said:
“He don’t mean nothing; he’s always a-carryin’ on like that
when he’s drunk. He’s the best naturedest old fool in
“He doesn’t mean anything—he’s always carrying on
like that when he’s drunk. He’s he most easy going old
Arkansaw—never hurt nobody, drunk nor sober.”
fool in Arkansas. He never hurt anyone, drunk or
sober.”
Boggs rode up before the biggest store in town, and bent his
head down so he could see under the curtain of the awning
Boggs rode up to the front of the biggest store in town,
and bent his head down so that he could see under
and yells:
the curtain of the awning. Then he yelled:
“Come out here, Sherburn! Come out and meet the man
“Come out here, Sherburn! Come out and meet the
you’ve swindled. You’re the houn’ I’m after, and I’m a-gwyne
to have you, too!”
man you’ve swindled! You’re the hound I’m after, and
I’m going to have you too!”
And so he went on, calling Sherburn everything he could lay
his tongue to, and the whole street packed with people
He went on and on, calling Sherburn every name he
could think of. The whole street was packed with
listening and laughing and going on. By and by a proudlooking man about fifty-five—and he was a heap the best
people listening and laughing. Pretty soon a proud
looking man of about fifty-five stepped out the store.
dressed man in that town, too—steps out of the store, and
the crowd drops back on each side to let him come. He says
He was definitely the best dressed man in that town,
and the crowd backed away on each side to let him
to Boggs, mighty ca’m and slow—he says:
through. He said to Boggs, very calmly and slowly:
“I’m tired of this, but I’ll endure it till one o’clock. Till one
“I’m tired of this, but I’ll put up with it until one o’clock.
o’clock, mind—no longer. If you open your mouth against
me only once after that time you can’t travel so far but I will
Until one o’clock, mind you—no longer than that. If
you say anything against me after one o’clock, I’ll hunt
find you.”
you down wherever you are.”
Then he turns and goes in. The crowd looked mighty sober;
Then he turned around and went back inside. The
nobody stirred, and there warn’t no more laughing. Boggs
rode off blackguarding Sherburn as loud as he could yell, all
crowd looked pretty serious—no one moved and no
one laughed anymore. Boggs rode up and down the
down the street; and pretty soon back he comes and stops
before the store, still keeping it up. Some men crowded
street swearing at Sherburn as loud as he could,
before eventually coming back to the front of the store.
around him and tried to get him to shut up, but he wouldn’t;
they told him it would be one o’clock in about fifteen
Some men crowded around him and tried to shut him
up, but he wouldn’t stop. They told him it’d be one
minutes, and so he MUST go home—he must go right away.
But it didn’t do no good. He cussed away with all his might,
o’clock in about fifteen minutes, and that he HAD to
stop and go home right away. But it didn’t do any
and throwed his hat down in the mud and rode over it, and
pretty soon away he went a-raging down the street again,
good. He cussed away at Sherburn with all his might,
and threw his hat down in the mud and rode over it.
with his gray hair a-flying. Everybody that could get a
chance at him tried their best to coax him off of his horse so
Pretty soon he went galloping up and down the street
again with his gray hair flying behind him. Everyone
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they could lock him up and get him sober; but it warn’t no
use—up the street he would tear again, and give Sherburn
who could get near him tried their best to coax him
down off his horse so that they could lock him and get
another cussing. By and by somebody says:
him sober, but it wasn’t any use. He’d go galloping up
the street again, and swear at Sherburn some more.
Pretty soon, someone said:
“Go for his daughter!—quick, go for his daughter; sometimes
“Go get his daughter! Quick, go get his daughter!
he’ll listen to her. If anybody can persuade him, she can.”
Sometimes he’ll listen to her. If anyone can persuade
him to stop, it’s her.”
So somebody started on a run. I walked down street a ways
and stopped. In about five or ten minutes here comes Boggs
Someone ran off to get her. I walked down the street a
ways and stopped. Boggs came back again in about
again, but not on his horse. He was a-reeling across the
street towards me, bare-headed, with a friend on both sides
five or ten minutes, but not on his horse. This time he
was careening across the street towards me, hatless,
of him a-holt of his arms and hurrying him along. He was
quiet, and looked uneasy; and he warn’t hanging back any,
with a friend on either side holding his arms and
hurrying him away. He was quiet and looked uneasy.
but was doing some of the hurrying himself. Somebody
sings out:
He wasn’t putting up a fight, but was hurrying along
himself. Then someone called out:
“Boggs!”
“Boggs!”
I looked over there to see who said it, and it was that
I looked over there to see who’d called out his name,
Colonel Sherburn. He was standing perfectly still in the
street, and had a pistol raised in his right hand—not aiming
and saw that it was Colonel Sherburn. He was
standing in the street, perfectly still, and had a pistol
it, but holding it out with the barrel tilted up towards the sky.
The same second I see a young girl coming on the run, and
raised in his right hand, not aiming it, but holding it out
with the barrel titled up toward the sky. That same
two men with her. Boggs and the men turned round to see
who called him, and when they see the pistol the men
moment I saw a young girl running over with two men
with her. Boggs and the men turned around to see
jumped to one side, and the pistol-barrel come down slow
and steady to a level—both barrels cocked. Boggs throws
who’d called him, and when the two men saw the
pistol, they jumped off to one side. Col. Sherburn
up both of his hands and says, “O Lord, don’t shoot!” Bang!
goes the first shot, and he staggers back, clawing at the
lowered the barrel of the pistol slowly and stead until it
was level—it was cocked. Boggs threw up his hands
air—bang! goes the second one, and he tumbles backwards
on to the ground, heavy and solid, with his arms spread out.
and said, “Oh Lord, don’t shoot!” Bang! went the first
shot, and Boggs staggered back, clawing at the air.
That young girl screamed out and comes rushing, and down
she throws herself on her father, crying, and saying, “Oh,
Bang! went the second shot, and this time he tumbled
backward to the ground, landing heavily and solidly
he’s killed him, he’s killed him!” The crowd closed up around
them, and shouldered and jammed one another, with their
with his arms spread out. The young girl screamed
and rushed over. Crying, she threw herself on her
necks stretched, trying to see, and people on the inside
trying to shove them back and shouting, “Back, back! give
father, and said, “Oh, he’s killed him, he’s killed him!”
The crowd closed in around them. People jammed in
him air, give him air!”
shoulder to shoulder with their necks stretched out
trying to see, while those on the inside tried to shove
them back, shouting, “Back! Back! Give him air! Give
him air!”
Colonel Sherburn he tossed his pistol on to the ground, and
turned around on his heels and walked off.
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They took Boggs to a little drug store, the crowd pressing
around just the same, and the whole town following, and I
They took Boggs to a little drugstore, the crowd still
pressing in around him and the whole town following
rushed and got a good place at the window, where I was
close to him and could see in. They laid him on the floor and
behind. I rushed over and got a good spot at the
window, where I was close to him and could see
put one large Bible under his head, and opened another one
and spread it on his breast; but they tore open his shirt first,
inside. They laid him on the floor with a large Bible
under his head, tore open his shirt, opened another
and I seen where one of the bullets went in. He made about
a dozen long gasps, his breast lifting the Bible up when he
Bible, and then spread it on his chest. I saw where
one of the bullets had entered his body. Boggs made
drawed in his breath, and letting it down again when he
breathed it out—and after that he laid still; he was dead.
a dozen or so long gasps, his chest lifting the Bible up
as he drew in his breath, then letting it down again
Then they pulled his daughter away from him, screaming
and crying, and took her off. She was about sixteen, and
when he exhaled. After that he lay still. He was dead.
Then they pulled his daughter from him and took her
very sweet and gentle looking, but awful pale and scared.
away, screaming and crying. She was about sixteen,
and looked very sweet and gentle, but awfully pale
and scared.
Well, pretty soon the whole town was there, squirming and
Pretty soon the whole town was squirming and
scrouging and pushing and shoving to get at the window
and have a look, but people that had the places wouldn’t
shoving and pushing people aside to get a look
through the window. But the people already in the
give them up, and folks behind them was saying all the time,
“Say, now, you’ve looked enough, you fellows; ’tain’t right
good spots wouldn’t give them up. The folks behind
them kept saying, “Come on now, you’ve seen
and ’tain’t fair for you to stay thar all the time, and never give
nobody a chance; other folks has their rights as well as you.”
enough, you guys—it isn’t right or fair for you to stay
there the whole time. Give someone else a chance to
see. Other folks have the same right to look as you
have.”
There was considerable jawing back, so I slid out, thinking
maybe there was going to be trouble. The streets was full,
There was a lot of talking back and forth, so I left,
thinking there might be some trouble. The streets
and everybody was excited. Everybody that seen the
shooting was telling how it happened, and there was a big
were full, and everyone was excited. Everyone who’d
seen the shooting was telling others how it’d
crowd packed around each one of these fellows, stretching
their necks and listening. One long, lanky man, with long
happened. There was a big crowd packed around
each witness, everyone stretching their necks and
hair and a big white fur stovepipe hat on the back of his
head, and a crooked-handled cane, marked out the places
listening. One long, lanky man with long hair, a big
white fur stovepipe hat perched on the back of his
on the ground where Boggs stood and where Sherburn
stood, and the people following him around from one place
head, and a cane with a crooked handle marked the
places on the ground where Boggs and Sherburn had
to t’other and watching everything he done, and bobbing
their heads to show they understood, and stooping a little
stood. People followed him around from place to
place, watching everything he did, stooping down a
and resting their hands on their thighs to watch him mark the
places on the ground with his cane; and then he stood up
little with their hands on their thighs to watch him mark
up the ground with his cane, and nodding their heads
straight and stiff where Sherburn had stood, frowning and
having his hat-brim down over his eyes, and sung out,
to show they understood. He stood up straight and
stiffly where Sherburn had stood, frowning with the
“Boggs!” and then fetched his cane down slow to a level,
and says “Bang!” staggered backwards, says “Bang!” again,
brim of his hat down over his eyes, and cried out,
“Boggs!” Then he brought his cane down slowly until it
and fell down flat on his back. The people that had seen the
was level, and said, “Bang!” staggerd backwards,
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thing said he done it perfect; said it was just exactly the way
it all happened. Then as much as a dozen people got out
said, “Bang!” again, and fell down flat on his back. The
people who’d witnessed the shooting said he’d
their bottles and treated him.
reenacted it perfectly—they said that that was exactly
the way it had all happened. Then as many as a
dozen people pulled out their bottles and treated him
to a drink.
Well, by and by somebody said Sherburn ought to be
lynched. In about a minute everybody was saying it; so
Well, pretty soon someone said that Sherburn ought
to be lynched. After another minute, everyone was
away they went, mad and yelling, and snatching down every
clothes-line they come to to do the hanging with.
saying it. Then they went off, angry and yelling and
ripping down every clothesline they passed to hang
him with.
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THEY swarmed up towards Sherburn’s house, a-whooping
The crowd ran up toward Sherburn’s house in a
and raging like Injuns, and everything had to clear the way
or get run over and tromped to mush, and it was awful to
swarm, whooping and yelling like Indians. It was awful
to see—everyone and everything had to move out of
see. Children was heeling it ahead of the mob, screaming
and trying to get out of the way; and every window along the
their path or they’d get trampled. Children were
running ahead of the mob to get away, and women
road was full of women’s heads, and there was nigger boys
in every tree, and bucks and wenches looking over every
were popping their heads out of every window along
the road. Little n----- boys sat in every tree and young
fence; and as soon as the mob would get nearly to them
they would break and skaddle back out of reach. Lots of the
men and women looked over every fence. When the
mob was almost on top of them, they’d back away and
women and girls was crying and taking on, scared most to
death.
scatter to get out of reach. Many women and girls
were crying and carrying on, scared to death.
They swarmed up in front of Sherburn’s palings as thick as
they could jam together, and you couldn’t hear yourself think
They swarmed up to the front of Sherburn’s fence and
crammed into the little twenty-foot yard. You couldn’t
for the noise. It was a little twenty-foot yard. Some sung out
“Tear down the fence! tear down the fence!” Then there was
hear yourself think through all the noise they made.
Some people cried out, “Tear down the fence! Tear
a racket of ripping and tearing and smashing, and down she
goes, and the front wall of the crowd begins to roll in like a
down the fence!” Then you could hear the awful racket
of people ripping and tearing and smashing wood, and
wave.
the fence was gone. The wall of people in the front of
the crowd began to push forward as if they were a
wave.
Just then Sherburn steps out on to the roof of his little front
Just then, Sherburn stepped out on to the roof of his
porch, with a double-barrel gun in his hand, and takes his
stand, perfectly ca’m and deliberate, not saying a word. The
little front porch with a double-barrelled shotgun in his
hand. He took his stand, perfectly calm and deliberate,
racket stopped, and the wave sucked back.
without saying a word. The racket of the mob stopped,
and the wave of people pulled back.
Sherburn never said a word—just stood there, looking down.
The stillness was awful creepy and uncomfortable. Sherburn
Sherburn never said a word. He just stood there,
looking down, slowly running his eyes over the crowd.
run his eye slow along the crowd; and wherever it struck the
The stillness was awfully creepy and uncomfortable.
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people tried a little to out-gaze him, but they couldn’t; they
dropped their eyes and looked sneaky. Then pretty soon
The people tried to meet his gaze, but they couldn’t.
They dropped their eyes as if they were trying to hide
Sherburn sort of laughed; not the pleasant kind, but the kind
that makes you feel like when you are eating bread that’s
something. Pretty soon, Sherburn let out a sort of
laugh. It wasn’t a pleasant laugh, but the kind laugh
got sand in it.
that makes you feel as if you’d been eating bread that
had sand in it.
Then he says, slow and scornful:
Slowly and scornfully, he said:
“The idea of YOU lynching anybody! It’s amusing. The idea
“The idea of YOU lynching anybody—it’s amusing!
of you thinking you had pluck enough to lynch a MAN!
Because you’re brave enough to tar and feather poor
The idea of you thinking that you had enough guts to
lynch a man! You think you have what it takes simply
friendless cast-out women that come along here, did that
make you think you had grit enough to lay your hands on a
because you’re brave enough to tar and feather poor,
friendless outcast women who come through here.
MAN? Why, a MAN’S safe in the hands of ten thousand of
your kind—as long as it’s daytime and you’re not behind
Does that make you think you have the stomach to lay
your hands on a MAN? Why, as long as there’s
him.
daylight and you’re not creeping behind him, a MAN
would be safe even if there were ten thousand of you.
“Do I know you? I know you clear through was born and
raised in the South, and I’ve lived in the North; so I know the
“Do I know your kind? Of course I do. I know all about
you—I was born and raised in the South and lived in
average all around. The average man’s a coward. In the
North he lets anybody walk over him that wants to, and goes
the North. I know what men everywhere are like. The
average man is a coward. In the North he lets anyone
home and prays for a humble spirit to bear it. In the South
one man all by himself, has stopped a stage full of men in
who wants to walk all over him, and then he goes
home and prays for the strength to take it. In the
the daytime, and robbed the lot. Your newspapers call you a
brave people so much that you think you are braver than
South, one man alone has stopped a stagecoach full
of men in broad daylight and robbed all the
any other people—whereas you’re just AS brave, and no
braver. Why don’t your juries hang murderers? Because
passengers. Just because your newspapers call you
brave, you now think that makes you braver than
they’re afraid the man’s friends will shoot them in the back,
in the dark—and it’s just what they WOULD do.
everyone else. But you’re only AS brave—not braver.
Why don’t southern juries hang murderers? Because
the jury members are afraid the murderer’s friends will
shoot them in the back in the dark. And they WOULD.
“So they always acquit; and then a MAN goes in the night,
with a hundred masked cowards at his back and lynches the
“So the juries always acquit. Then some MAN goes
out into the night with a hundred masked cowards
rascal. Your mistake is, that you didn’t bring a man with you;
that’s one mistake, and the other is that you didn’t come in
behind him and lynches the scoundrel. Your first
mistake is that you didn’t bring a MAN with you. The
the dark and fetch your masks. You brought PART of a
man—Buck Harkness, there—and if you hadn’t had him to
second is that you didn’t come in the dark and bring
your masks to hide behind. You brought PART of a
start you, you’d a taken it out in blowing.
man—Buck Harkness there—and if he hadn’t been
there to get you all riled up, you would have just blown
off a bunch of hot air.
“You didn’t want to come. The average man don’t like
“You didn’t want to come here—average men don’t
trouble and danger. YOU don’t like trouble and danger. But
if only HALF a man—like Buck Harkness, there—shouts
like trouble and danger. YOU don’t like trouble and
danger. But if only HALF a man, such as Buck
’Lynch him! lynch him!’ you’re afraid to back down—afraid
Harkness there, shouts, “Lynch him! Lynch him!” then
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you’ll be found out to be what you are—COWARDS—and
so you raise a yell, and hang yourselves on to that half-a-
you’re afraid to back down. You’re afraid that
everyone will found out what you really are:
man’s coat-tail, and come raging up here, swearing what big
things you’re going to do. The pitifulest thing out is a mob;
COWARDS. So you raise a ruckus and yell and latch
on to that half-man’s coattails. You come raging up
that’s what an army is—a mob; they don’t fight with courage
that’s born in them, but with courage that’s borrowed from
here, yelling about all the things you’re going to do.
The most pitiful thing in the world is a mob. That’s
their mass, and from their officers. But a mob without any
MAN at the head of it is BENEATH pitifulness. Now the thing
what an army is, a mob. They don’t fight with the
courage they’re born with. They fight with courage
for YOU to do is to droop your tails and go home and crawl
in a hole. If any real lynching’s going to be done it will be
borrowed from their numbers and from the leaders.
But a mob without any MAN in charge is WORSE than
done in the dark, Southern fashion; and when they come
they’ll bring their masks, and fetch a MAN along. Now
pitiful. Now, tuck your tails between your legs and go
home and crawl in a hole. If there’s going to be an
LEAVE—and take your half-a-man with you"—tossing his
gun up across his left arm and cocking it when he says this.
actual lynching it’s going to be done in the dark,
Southern style. And when they come, they’ll bring their
masks and bring a MAN with them. Now LEAVE—and
take your half-man with you.” As he said this, he
tossed his gun up across his left arm and cocked it.
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The crowd washed back sudden, and then broke all apart,
The crowd drifted back suddenly and broke apart.
and went tearing off every which way, and Buck Harkness
he heeled it after them, looking tolerable cheap. I could a
People went running off in every direction. Buck
Harkness followed after them looking rather pitiful. I
stayed if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to.
could have stayed, but I didn’t want to.
I went to the circus and loafed around the back side till the
I went to the circus and loafed around in back until the
watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had
my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I
watchman came by and drove under the tent. I had
my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money,
reckoned I better save it, because there ain’t no telling how
soon you are going to need it, away from home and
but I decided I should save it. There was no telling
when or how soon I might need it, especially since I
amongst strangers that way. You can’t be too careful. I ain’t
opposed to spending money on circuses when there ain’t no
was away from home and among strangers. You can’t
be too careful. I’m not opposed to spending money on
other way, but there ain’t no use in WASTING it on them.
circuses when there’s no other way around it, but
there’s no use WASTING money on them either.
It was a real bully circus. It was the splendidest sight that
ever was when they all come riding in, two and two, a
It was a real good circus. The parade was the most
splendid thing I’ve ever seen. Performers came riding
gentleman and lady, side by side, the men just in their
drawers and undershirts, and no shoes nor stirrups, and
in, two-by-two, man and lady. The men wore only their
underwear and undershirts (no shoes or stirrups) and
resting their hands on their thighs easy and comfortable—
there must a been twenty of them—and every lady with a
rested their hands on their thighs easily and
comfortably. There must have been twenty of them.
lovely complexion, and perfectly beautiful, and looking just
like a gang of real sure-enough queens, and dressed in
And every lady was beautiful with lovely complexions
and millions dollars outfits that were littered with
clothes that cost millions of dollars, and just littered with
diamonds. It was a powerful fine sight; I never see anything
diamonds—they looked like real queens. It was an
amazing sight—I’d never seen anything so lovely. And
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so lovely. And then one by one they got up and stood, and
went a-weaving around the ring so gentle and wavy and
then they stood up one by one and went weaving
around the ring, in a gentle and graceful wave. The
graceful, the men looking ever so tall and airy and straight,
with their heads bobbing and skimming along, away up
men looked tall and light and straight with their heads
bobbing and skimming along way up there under the
there under the tent-roof, and every lady’s rose-leafy dress
flapping soft and silky around her hips, and she looking like
tent roof. And every lady’s rose-leafy dress was
flapping soft and silky around her hips, which made
the most loveliest parasol.
her look like the loveliest pink parasol.
And then faster and faster they went, all of them dancing,
They all danced around faster and faster. First they’d
first one foot out in the air and then the other, the horses
leaning more and more, and the ringmaster going round and
stick one foot out in the air and then the other, while
the horses leaned more and more to the side. The
round the center-pole, cracking his whip and shouting “Hi!—
hi!” and the clown cracking jokes behind him; and by and by
ringmaster would go round and round the center,
cracking his whip and shouting, “Hyah! Hyah!” while
all hands dropped the reins, and every lady put her knuckles
on her hips and every gentleman folded his arms, and then
the clown cracked jokes behind him. Eventually,
everyone dropped their reins and every lady put her
how the horses did lean over and hump themselves! And so
one after the other they all skipped off into the ring, and
knuckles on her hips and every gentleman folded his
arms as the horses leaned in and started sprinting!
made the sweetest bow I ever see, and then scampered out,
and everybody clapped their hands and went just about wild.
One after the other they all skipped off into the ring.
They made the sweetest bow I’d ever seen, and then
they scampered out. Everybody clapped their hands
and went wild.
Well, all through the circus they done the most astonishing
things; and all the time that clown carried on so it most killed
They did the most astonishing things in that circus, all
while the clown performed and nearly killed the
the people. The ringmaster couldn’t ever say a word to him
but he was back at him quick as a wink with the funniest
audience with laughter. The ringmaster would scold
him, but before you knew it, the clown would give him
things a body ever said; and how he ever COULD think of
so many of them, and so sudden and so pat, was what I
a wink and start saying the funniest things ever said. I
couldn’t understand how he could COME UP with so
couldn’t noway understand. Why, I couldn’t a thought of
them in a year. And by and by a drunk man tried to get into
many funny things to say and deliver them so
perfectly. Why, I couldn’t have thought of the things he
the ring—said he wanted to ride; said he could ride as well
as anybody that ever was. They argued and tried to keep
said if I tried for a whole year. Pretty soon, a drunk
man tried to step into the ring—he said he wanted a
him out, but he wouldn’t listen, and the whole show come to
a standstill. Then the people begun to holler at him and
ride and that he could ride as well as anyone ever
could. They argued and tried to keep him out of the
make fun of him, and that made him mad, and he begun to
rip and tear; so that stirred up the people, and a lot of men
ring, but the man wouldn’t listen and the whole show
came to a stop. The audience began to yell at him and
begun to pile down off of the benches and swarm towards
the ring, saying, “Knock him down! throw him out!” and one
make fun of him, which made him mad and violent.
That roused everyone in the audience, and a lot of the
or two women begun to scream. So, then, the ringmaster he
made a little speech, and said he hoped there wouldn’t be
men began to come down from the benches and
swarm toward the ring saying, “Knock him down!
no disturbance, and if the man would promise he wouldn’t
make no more trouble he would let him ride if he thought he
Throw him out!” One or two women began to scream.
So the ringmaster made a little speech saying that he
could stay on the horse. So everybody laughed and said all
right, and the man got on. The minute he was on, the horse
hoped there wouldn’t be a scene. He said he’d let the
man ride a horse as long as he thought he was able
begun to rip and tear and jump and cavort around, with two
circus men hanging on to his bridle trying to hold him, and
and wouldn’t make any more trouble. Everyone
laughed and agreed, and the man got on the horse.
the drunk man hanging on to his neck, and his heels flying in
The moment he got on, the horse began to jump and
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the air every jump, and the whole crowd of people standing
up shouting and laughing till tears rolled down. And at last,
thrash around, even though two circus men held his
bridle to keep him steady. The drunk man hung on to
sure enough, all the circus men could do, the horse broke
loose, and away he went like the very nation, round and
the horse’s neck. His heels flew into the air every time
the horse jumped. The whole crowd was on its feet
round the ring, with that sot laying down on him and hanging
to his neck, with first one leg hanging most to the ground on
shouting and laughing with tears rolling down their
faces. At last, despite the best efforts of the circus
one side, and then t’other one on t’other side, and the
people just crazy. It warn’t funny to me, though; I was all of a
men, the horse broke loose and went running round
and round the ring with that drunk lying on him and
tremble to see his danger. But pretty soon he struggled up
astraddle and grabbed the bridle, a-reeling this way and
hanging on to his neck. First one leg would drag to the
ground on one side of the horse, and then the other
that; and the next minute he sprung up and dropped the
bridle and stood! and the horse a-going like a house afire
leg would drag on the other side. The crowd was
going crazy. It wasn’t funny to me, though. I was
too. He just stood up there, a-sailing around as easy and
comfortable as if he warn’t ever drunk in his life—and then
scared because he was in so much danger. Soon he
managed to sit up and straddle the horse and grabbed
he begun to pull off his clothes and sling them. He shed
them so thick they kind of clogged up the air, and altogether
the bridle as the horse reeled this way and that. And
then he jumped up, dropped the bridle, and stood up
he shed seventeen suits. And, then, there he was, slim and
handsome, and dressed the gaudiest and prettiest you ever
on the back of the horse as it ran round and round like
it was on fire! He just stood there, sailing around as if
saw, and he lit into that horse with his whip and made him
fairly hum—and finally skipped off, and made his bow and
he didn’t have a care in the world and had never been
drunk once in his life. Then he began to throw off his
danced off to the dressing-room, and everybody just ahowling with pleasure and astonishment.
clothes. He tore them off so quickly that all you could
see were clothes flying around in the air. He took off
seventeen suits altogether! And then, there he was,
dressed in the gaudiest and most flamboyant outfit
you ever saw. He started beating the horse with his
whip and made him run even faster. Then he jumped
off the horse, took a bow, and danced off to the
dressing room with everyone howling with laughter
and astonishment.
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Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he
The ringmaster looked sick when he realized he’d
WAS the sickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. Why, it
was one of his own men! He had got up that joke all out of
been fooled. He was probably the sickest ringmaster
you’ve ever seen since he had been tricked by one of
his own head, and never let on to nobody. Well, I felt
sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn’t a been in
his own men! The guy had thought up that whole joke
by himself and hadn’t told anyone. Well, I felt pretty
that ringmaster’s place, not for a thousand dollars. I don’t
know; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was,
foolish for having been taken, but I wouldn’t have
wanted to be in the ringmaster’s shoes, not for a
but I never struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good
enough for ME; and wherever I run across it, it can have all
thousands dollars. I don’t know—maybe there are
better circuses than this one, but I’d never seen one.
of MY custom every time.
Anyway, this circus was good enough for ME, and you
bet that they’ll be getting my business whenever I
come across it again.
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Well, that night we had OUR show; but there warn’t only
about twelve people there—just enough to pay expenses.
That night we put on our OWN show, even though
there was only about twelve people there—just
And they laughed all the time, and that made the duke mad;
and everybody left, anyway, before the show was over, but
enough to break even. Everyone laughed throughout
the whole show, which made the duke mad. And the
one boy which was asleep. So the duke said these
Arkansaw lunkheads couldn’t come up to Shakespeare;
entire crowd left before the show was even over,
except for one boy who’d fallen asleep. The duke said
what they wanted was low comedy—and maybe something
ruther worse than low comedy, he reckoned. He said he
that these Arkansas lunkheads weren’t good enough
for Shakespeare. He said he knew all about their type.
could size their style. So next morning he got some big
sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed
He figured that what they wanted was low comedy—
and maybe something even worse than that. So, next
off some handbills, and stuck them up all over the village.
The bills said:
morning he took some big sheets of wrapping paper
and some black paint and drew some new handbills.
Then he stuck them up all over the village. The
handbills said:
AT THE COURT HOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY!
AT THE COURTHOUSE! FOR 3 NIGHTS ONLY!
The World-Renowned Tragedians
The World Renowned Tragedians
DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER!
DAVID GARRICK THE YOUNGER!
AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER!
AND EDMUND KEAN THE ELDER!
Of the London and
Of the London and
Continental Theatres,
Continental Theatres,
In their Thrilling Tragedy of
In their Thrilling Tragedy of
THE KING’S CAMELEOPARD,
THE KING’S CAMEL-LEOPARD,
OR THE ROYAL NONESUCH ! ! !
OR, THE ROYAL NOTHINGNESS!!!
Admission 50 cents.
Admission 50 cents.
Then at the bottom was the biggest line of all, which said:
The biggest line of all was written at the bottom. It
said:
LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED.
LADIES AND CHILDREN NOT ADMITTED.
“There,” says he, “if that line don’t fetch them, I don’t know
“There,” he said. “If that last line doesn’t bring them in,
Arkansaw!”
then I don’t know a thing about Arkansas!”
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WELL, all day him and the king was hard at it, rigging up a
The duke and the king worked hard all day, setting up
stage and a curtain and a row of candles for footlights; and
that night the house was jam full of men in no time. When
a stage and curtain and row of candles for footlights.
That night, the house was jammed full of men in no
the place couldn’t hold no more, the duke he quit tending
door and went around the back way and come on to the
time at all. When the place couldn’t hold any more
men, the duke quit selling tickets at the door and went
stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little
around the back and up on stage. He stood before the
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speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the
most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-
curtain and made a little speech, praising this tragedy
and saying it was the most thrilling play there ever
bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the
Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at
was. He went on and on about the tragedy and about
Edmund Kean the Elder, who was going to play the
last when he’d got everybody’s expectations up high
enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the
main character. At last, when he’d built up everyone’s
expectations high enough, he rolled up the curtain.
king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was
painted all over, ring-streaked-and- striped, all sorts of
The next minute the king came prancing out on all
fours, naked. He was painted in rings and stripes all
colors, as splendid as a rainbow. And—but never mind the
rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The
over in all sorts of colors and looked as splendid as a
rainbow. And… well, never mind the rest of his outfit—
people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king
got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they
it was just as wild, but it was really funny. The people
nearly died laughing. And when the king finished
roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he
come back and done it over again, and after that they made
pracing around and capered off stage, they roared
and clapped and raged and guffawed until he came
him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to
see the shines that old idiot cut.
back and did it all over again. And they made him do it
another time after that. Honestly, it would have made
a cow laugh to see the things that old idiot was doing
on stage.
Then the duke he lets the curtain down, and bows to the
people, and says the great tragedy will be performed only
Then the duke let the curtain down again and bowed
to the people, saying that the great tragedy will be
two nights more, on accounts of pressing London
engagements, where the seats is all sold already for it in
performed only two more nights because they had to
go perform in London, where they’d already sold seats
Drury Lane; and then he makes them another bow, and
says if he has succeeded in pleasing them and instructing
for it on Drury Lane. Then he gave another bow and
said that if he succeeded in pleasing them and
them, he will be deeply obleeged if they will mention it to
their friends and get them to come and see it.
instructing them, then he’d be just as deeply obliged if
they could tell their friends and get them to come and
see it too.
Twenty people sings out:
Twenty people yelled out:
“What, is it over? Is that ALL?”
“What? Is it over? Is that ALL?”
The duke says yes. Then there was a fine time. Everybody
The duke answered yes. Then all hell broke loose.
sings out, “Sold!” and rose up mad, and was a-going for that
stage and them tragedians. But a big, fine looking man
Everyone yelled out, “Cheated!” and got up angrily,
headed for the stage and those tragedians. But a big,
jumps up on a bench and shouts:
handsome looking man jumped up on a bench and
shouted:
“Hold on! Just a word, gentlemen.” They stopped to listen.
“We are sold—mighty badly sold. But we don’t want to be
“Hold on! Just a word, gentlemen.” Everyone stopped
and listened. “We’ve been cheated, and cheated
the laughing stock of this whole town, I reckon, and never
hear the last of this thing as long as we live. NO. What we
badly. But we don’t want to be the laughing stock of
this entire town, do we? I bet we’d never hear the last
want is to go out of here quiet, and talk this show up, and
sell the REST of the town! Then we’ll all be in the same
of this as long we live. NO. What we want is to leave
here quietly and talk this show up. We make sure the
boat. Ain’t that sensible?” ("You bet it is!—the jedge is right!”
everybody sings out.) “All right, then—not a word about any
REST of the town comes to see it. Then we’ll all be in
the same boat and equally cheated. Isn’t that
sell. Go along home, and advise everybody to come and
sensible?” (“You be it is! The judge is right!” everyone
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see the tragedy.”
shouted.) “All right—not a word about being cheated.
Go home, and tell everyone you know to come and
see the tragedy.”
Next day you couldn’t hear nothing around that town but
The next day, the only thing the townspeople were
how splendid that show was. House was jammed again that
night, and we sold this crowd the same way. When me and
talking about was how great that show was. The
house was jammed again that night, and we cheated
the king and the duke got home to the raft we all had a
supper; and by and by, about midnight, they made Jim and
this crowd the same way. When the king, the duke,
and I got home to the raft we all had supper. Around
me back her out and float her down the middle of the river,
and fetch her in and hide her about two mile below town.
midnight, they made Jim and me back the raft out and
float it down the middle of the river. After we’d floated
about two miles downstream, we hid the raft.
The third night the house was crammed again—and they
The house was crammed again on the third night—
warn’t new-comers this time, but people that was at the
show the other two nights. I stood by the duke at the door,
and there weren’t any newcomers in the audience this
time. Instead, the house was filled with people who’d
and I see that every man that went in had his pockets
bulging, or something muffled up under his coat—and I see
been at the show the previous two nights. I stood by
the duke at the door, and I saw that everyman who
it warn’t no perfumery, neither, not by a long sight. I smelt
sickly eggs by the barrel, and rotten cabbages, and such
went in had bulges in his pockets or something stuffed
up under his coat—and it wasn’t perfume or anything
things; and if I know the signs of a dead cat being around,
and I bet I do, there was sixty-four of them went in. I shoved
nice. I smelled rotten eggs and cabbages and stuff,
and if I knew the signs of a dead cat—and I do—then
in there for a minute, but it was too various for me; I couldn’t
stand it. Well, when the place couldn’t hold no more people
there were sixty-four of them in the house that night. I
shoved my way inside for a minute, but it was too risky
the duke he give a fellow a quarter and told him to tend door
for him a minute, and then he started around for the stage
for me—I couldn’t stand it. When the place couldn’t
hold any more peole, the duke gave a guy a quarter
door, I after him; but the minute we turned the corner and
was in the dark he says:
and told him to take his post selling tickets at the door.
Then he started for the stage door, and I went after
him. The minute we turned the corner and were in the
dark, he said:
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“Walk fast now till you get away from the houses, and then
shin for the raft like the dickens was after you!”
“Now walk fast until you’re away from the houses, then
run for the raft like the wind!”
I done it, and he done the same. We struck the raft at the
same time, and in less than two seconds we was gliding
I did, and he did the same. We reached the raft at the
same time, and were gliding downstream in less than
down stream, all dark and still, and edging towards the
middle of the river, nobody saying a word. I reckoned the
two seconds. It was dark and quiet as we edged
toward the middle of the river. No one said a word. I
poor king was in for a gaudy time of it with the audience, but
nothing of the sort; pretty soon he crawls out from under the
imagined the poor king was in for a rough time with
the audience. But that turned out not to be the case
wigwam, and says:
because soon enough he crawled out from under the
wigwam and said:
“Well, how’d the old thing pan out this time, duke?” He
“Well, how’d the scam pan out this time, duke?”
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hadn’t been up-town at all.
Apparently he hadn’t been uptown at all.
We never showed a light till we was about ten mile below
We waited until we were about ten miles below the
the village. Then we lit up and had a supper, and the king
and the duke fairly laughed their bones loose over the way
village before we lit a light. Then we lit a fire and had
supper. The king and the duke almost laughed their
they’d served them people. The duke says:
bones loose over the way they’d tricked those people.
The duke said:
“Greenhorns, flatheads! I knew the first house would keep
mum and let the rest of the town get roped in; and I knew
“Greenhorns! Morons! I knew the first audience keep
quiet and let the rest of the town get tricked too. And I
they’d lay for us the third night, and consider it was THEIR
turn now. Well, it IS their turn, and I’d give something to
knew they’d try to set a trap for us the third night,
thinking it was THEIR turn to get us back. Well, it IS
know how much they’d take for it. I WOULD just like to know
how they’re putting in their opportunity. They can turn it into
there turn, and I’d pay money to see the looks on their
faces. I WOULD like to be there when they realize
a picnic if they want to—they brought plenty provisions.”
what’s happened. They can turn it into a picnic if they
like—they certainly brought plenty of picnic food!”
Them rapscallions took in four hundred and sixty-five dollars
in that three nights. I never see money hauled in by the
Those scoundrels took in four hundred and sixty-five
dollars in those three nights. I never saw money
wagon-load like that before. By and by, when they was
asleep and snoring, Jim says:
hauled in by the wagon load like that before. Pretty
soon, when they were asleep and snoring, Jim said:
“Don’t it s’prise you de way dem kings carries on, Huck?”
“Doesn’t it surprise you the way those kings behave,
Huck?”
“No,” I says, “it don’t.”
“No,” I said. “It doesn’t”
“Why don’t it, Huck?”
“Why not, Huck?”
“Well, it don’t, because it’s in the breed. I reckon they’re all
alike,”
“Well, it doesn’t because that’s just the kind of people
they were born to be. I imagine all royalty is like that.”
“But, Huck, dese kings o’ ourn is reglar rapscallions; dat’s
jist what dey is; dey’s reglar rapscallions.”
“But Huck, those kings of ours are real scoundrels.
That’s just what they are, real scoundrels.”
“Well, that’s what I’m a-saying; all kings is mostly
rapscallions, as fur as I can make out.”
“Well, that’s what I’m saying—all kings are scoundrels,
as far as I can tell.”
“Is dat so?”
“Is that so?”
“You read about them once—you’ll see. Look at Henry the
“Read about them some time—you’ll see. Look at
Eight; this ’n ’s a Sunday-school Superintendent to HIM. And
look at Charles Second, and Louis Fourteen, and Louis
Henry VIII. Our king here is a Sunday school teacher
compared to HIM. Or look at Charles II, Louis XIV,
Fifteen, and James Second, and Edward Second, and
Richard Third, and forty more; besides all them Saxon
Louis XV, James II, Edward II, Richard III, or forty
others. Besides, all of Saxon royalty used to raise hell
heptarchies that used to rip around so in old times and raise
Cain. My, you ought to seen old Henry the Eight when he
in the old times. Why, you ought to have seen old
Henry VIII in his prime. HE was something else. He
was in bloom. He WAS a blossom. He used to marry a new
wife every day, and chop off her head next morning. And he
used to marry a new wife every day and chop off her
head the next morning. And he would do it with as
would do it just as indifferent as if he was ordering up eggs.
’Fetch up Nell Gwynn,’ he says. They fetch her up. Next
much indifference as if he were ordering eggs. ‘Bring
me Nell Gwynn,’ he’d say. They’d bring her in. Next
morning, ’Chop off her head!’ And they chop it off. ’Fetch up
morning, ‘Chop off her head!’ And they’d chop it off.
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Jane Shore,’ he says; and up she comes, Next morning,
’Chop off her head’—and they chop it off. ’Ring up Fair
‘Bring me Jane Shore,’ he’d say, and she’d come.
Next morning, ‘Chop off her head’—and they’d chop it
Rosamun.’ Fair Rosamun answers the bell. Next morning,
’Chop off her head.’ And he made every one of them tell him
off. ‘Get me Fair Rosamum.’ Fair Rosamum comes.
Next morning, ‘Chop off her head.’ And he made
a tale every night; and he kept that up till he had hogged a
thousand and one tales that way, and then he put them all in
every one of them tell him a story every night, and he
kept that up til he had collected a thousand and one
a book, and called it Domesday Book—which was a good
name and stated the case. You don’t know kings, Jim, but I
tales. Then he put them all in a book and called it the
Doomsday Book—which was a good name for it
know them; and this old rip of ourn is one of the cleanest
I’ve struck in history. Well, Henry he takes a notion he wants
because that’s what it was to the wives. You don’t
know anything about kings, Jim, but I do; our old
to get up some trouble with this country. How does he go at
it—give notice?—give the country a show? No. All of a
rascal is one of the tamest in history. How do you
think Henry went about stirring up trouble in his
sudden he heaves all the tea in Boston Harbor overboard,
and whacks out a declaration of independence, and dares
country? Did he tell anyone what was going to
happen? Did he put on a show? No. All of a sudden
them to come on. That was HIS style—he never give
anybody a chance. He had suspicions of his father, the
he throws all the tea in overboard and into Boston
Harbor and hammers out the Declaration of
Duke of Wellington. Well, what did he do? Ask him to show
up? No—drownded him in a butt of mamsey, like a cat.
Independence and dares people to object. That was
his style, you see—he never gave anyone a chance.
S’pose people left money laying around where he was—
what did he do? He collared it. S’pose he contracted to do a
He suspects his father, the Duke of Wellington, so
what does he do? Ask him to visit him? No—he
thing, and you paid him, and didn’t set down there and see
that he done it—what did he do? He always done the other
drowned him in a cask of wine as if he were a cat. If
people left money lying around where he happened to
thing. S’pose he opened his mouth—what then? If he didn’t
shut it up powerful quick he’d lose a lie every time. That’s
be, you know what he’d do? He’d take it. If you hired
him to do something and paid him and didn’t sit down
the kind of a bug Henry was; and if we’d a had him along
’stead of our kings he’d a fooled that town a heap worse
and watch him do it, what would he do? He wouldn’t
do it. And if he opened his mouth, you know what
than ourn done. I don’t say that ourn is lambs, because they
ain’t, when you come right down to the cold facts; but they
would happen? A lie would pop out every time unless
you were fast enough to shut it. That’s the kind of guy
ain’t nothing to THAT old ram, anyway. All I say is, kings is
kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all
Henry was, and if HE were here instead of our kings,
he would have fooled that town a lot worse than ours
around, they’re a mighty ornery lot. It’s the way they’re
raised.”
did. I’m not saying that ours our lambs, because they
aren’t, but when you look at the cold facts, they’re not
nearly as bad as Henry VIII. All I’m saying is that kings
are kings, and you just have to cut them some slack.
All in all, they’re a pretty roudy bunch. It’s just the way
they’re raised.”
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“But dis one do SMELL so like de nation, Huck.”
“But this one does SMELL like a pile of garbage,
Huck.”
“Well, they all do, Jim. We can’t help the way a king smells;
history don’t tell no way.”
“Well, they all do, Jim. We can’t change the way kings
smell. History doesn’t talk about that anyway.”
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“Now de duke, he’s a tolerble likely man in some ways.”
“Now the duke, he’s not such a bad guy in some
ways.”
“Yes, a duke’s different. But not very different. This one’s a
middling hard lot for a duke. When he’s drunk there ain’t no
“Yeah, the duke is different. But not that different. This
one’s kind of a rough duke. When he gets drunk, no
near-sighted man could tell him from a king.”
one would be able to tell the difference between him
and a king.”
“Well, anyways, I doan’ hanker for no mo’ un um, Huck.
Dese is all I kin stan’.”
“Well, anyways, I’m not eager to have any more of
them, Huck. This is all I can stand.”
“It’s the way I feel, too, Jim. But we’ve got them on our
hands, and we got to remember what they are, and make
“I feel that way too, Jim, but we’ve got them on our
hands. We’ve got to remember what they are and cut
allowances. Sometimes I wish we could hear of a country
that’s out of kings.”
them some slack. Sometimes I wish we found out
about a country that’s run out of kings.”
What was the use to tell Jim these warn’t real kings and
dukes? It wouldn’t a done no good; and, besides, it was just
What was the use to tell Jim that these guys weren’t
really a king and duke? It wouldn’t have done any
as I said: you couldn’t tell them from the real kind.
good. Besides, it was just like I said—you couldn’t tell
the difference between them and the real ones
anyway.
I went to sleep, and Jim didn’t call me when it was my turn.
I went to sleep, and Jim didn’t call me when it was my
He often done that. When I waked up just at daybreak he
was sitting there with his head down betwixt his knees,
turn to steer. He did that pretty often. When I woke up
at daybreak, he was sitting there with his head down
moaning and mourning to himself. I didn’t take notice nor let
on. I knowed what it was about. He was thinking about his
between his knees, moaning and crying to himself. I
pretended not to notice. I knew what it was all about.
wife and his children, away up yonder, and he was low and
homesick; because he hadn’t ever been away from home
He was thinking about his wife and his children back
upriver, and he was feeling miserable and homesick.
before in his life; and I do believe he cared just as much for
his people as white folks does for their’n. It don’t seem
He’d never been away from home before in his life,
and I believe he cared just as much about his family
natural, but I reckon it’s so. He was often moaning and
mourning that way nights, when he judged I was asleep, and
as white folks do for theirs. It doesn’t seem natural
that he would, but I guess it’s so. He was often
saying, “Po’ little ’Lizabeth! po’ little Johnny! it’s mighty hard;
I spec’ I ain’t ever gwyne to see you no mo’, no mo’!” He
moaning and crying like that at night when he thought
I was asleep. He’d say things like, “Poor little
was a mighty good nigger, Jim was.
‘Lizabeth! Poor little Johnny! It’s mighty hard. I expect
I won’t ever get to see you anymore. Not any more!”
He was a good n-----, Jim.
But this time I somehow got to talking to him about his wife
This time, though, I started talking to him about his
and young ones; and by and by he says:
wife and young ones, and after a while he said:
“What makes me feel so bad dis time ’uz bekase I hear
“I feel so bad this time because I heard something on
sumpn over yonder on de bank like a whack, er a slam,
while ago, en it mine me er de time I treat my little ’Lizabeth
the bank that sounded like a whack or a slam a while
ago, and it reminded me of the time I was mean to my
so ornery. She warn’t on’y ’bout fo’ year ole, en she tuck de
sk’yarlet fever, en had a powful rough spell; but she got well,
little ’Lizabeth. She was only four years old, and she
caught a bad case of scarlet fever. But she got well,
en one day she was a-stannin’ aroun’, en I says to her, I
says:
and one day she was standing around, and I said to
her:
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“’Shet de do’.’
“‘Shut the door.’”
“She never done it; jis’ stood dah, kiner smilin’ up at me. It
“She didn’t do it. She just stood there, smiling at me. It
make me mad; en I says agin, mighty loud, I says:
made me mad, so I said again—pretty loudly this time:
“’Doan’ you hear me? Shet de do’!’
“‘Don’t you hear me? Shut the door!’”
“She jis stood de same way, kiner smilin’ up. I was a-bilin’! I
says:
“She just stood there the same way, sort of smiling. I
was boiling angry! I said:
“’I lay I MAKE you mine!’
“‘I swear I’ll make you MIND me!’”
“En wid dat I fetch’ her a slap side de head dat sont her a-
“And with that I grabbed her and slapped the side of
sprawlin’. Den I went into de yuther room, en ’uz gone ’bout
ten minutes; en when I come back dah was dat do’ a-
her head and sent her sprawling. Then I went into the
other room and was gone about ten minutes. When I
stannin’ open YIT, en dat chile stannin’ mos’ right in it, alookin’ down and mournin’, en de tears runnin’ down. My,
came back, the door was still open. The child standing
in the doorway, looking down, crying, with tears
but I WUZ mad! I was a-gwyne for de chile, but jis’ den—it
was a do’ dat open innerds—jis’ den, ’long come de wind en
running down her face. Man, was I MAD! I went for the
child, but just then along came the wind and slammed
slam it to, behine de chile, ker-BLAM!—en my lan’, de chile
never move’! My breff mos’ hop outer me; en I feel so—so—
the door shut behind the child—ka-BLAM!—and, my
Lord, the child never moved! My breath almost jumped
I doan’ know HOW I feel. I crope out, all a-tremblin’, en
crope aroun’ en open de do’ easy en slow, en poke my head
out of me, and I felt so… so… I know how I felt. I crept
out trembling, then crept around her and opened the
in behine de chile, sof’ en still, en all uv a sudden I says
POW! jis’ as loud as I could yell. SHE NEVER BUDGE! Oh,
door nice and slowly. I poked my head in behind the
child, soft and quiet, until I suddenly yelled ‘POW!’ as
Huck, I bust out a-cryin’ en grab her up in my arms, en say,
’Oh, de po’ little thing! De Lord God Amighty fogive po’ ole
loudly as I could. SHE NEVER BUDGED! Oh Huck, I
burst out crying and grabbed her in my arms and said,
Jim, kaze he never gwyne to fogive hisself as long’s he live!’
Oh, she was plumb deef en dumb, Huck, plumb deef en
‘Oh, poor little thing! Let the Lord God Almighty forgive
poor old Jim because he is never going to forgive
dumb—en I’d ben a-treat’n her so!”
himself as long as he lives!’ She was completely deaf,
and she couldn’t speak either. And I’d been treating
her so horribly!”
Chapter 24
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NEXT day, towards night, we laid up under a little willow
The next day, around nightfall, we hid under a little
towhead out in the middle, where there was a village on
each side of the river, and the duke and the king begun to
willow towhead out in the middle of the river where
there was a village on each bank. The duke and the
lay out a plan for working them towns. Jim he spoke to the
duke, and said he hoped it wouldn’t take but a few hours,
king began to lay out a plan for conning the people in
those towns. Jim told the duke that he hoped it would
because it got mighty heavy and tiresome to him when he
had to lay all day in the wigwam tied with the rope. You see,
only take a few hours. Jim got pretty bored whenever
he had to lay around in the wigwam all day tied with
when we left him all alone we had to tie him, because if
anybody happened on to him all by himself and not tied it
the rope. We had to tie him up whenever we left him
by himself, you see, so that he looked liked a captured
wouldn’t look much like he was a runaway nigger, you know.
So the duke said it WAS kind of hard to have to lay roped all
runaway n----- if anyone found him. The duke agreed
that it was KIND of hard to have to stay tied up all day,
day, and he’d cipher out some way to get around it.
and he said he’d figure out a way around it.
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He was uncommon bright, the duke was, and he soon struck
it. He dressed Jim up in King Lear’s outfit—it was a long
The duke was unusually smart, and he soon came up
with a plan. He dressed Jim up in King Lear’s outfit—
curtain-calico gown, and a white horse-hair wig and
whiskers; and then he took his theater paint and painted
which was just a calico gown made out of a long
curtain with a white wig made of horse hair and
Jim’s face and hands and ears and neck all over a dead,
dull, solid blue, like a man that’s been drownded nine days.
whiskers. Then he took his theater paint and painted
Jim’s face, hands, ears, and neck in a dull, solid blue.
Blamed if he warn’t the horriblest looking outrage I ever see.
Then the duke took and wrote out a sign on a shingle so:
He looked like a drowned man that has been dead for
nine days. He was one of the most gruesome things
I’ve ever seen. Then the duke made a sign on a
shingle that said:
Sick Arab—but harmless when not out of his head.
Sick Arab—but harmless when not going crazy.
And he nailed that shingle to a lath, and stood the lath up
Then he nailed the shingle to to a lath and stood the
four or five foot in front of the wigwam. Jim was satisfied. He
said it was a sight better than lying tied a couple of years
lath up four or five feet in front of the wigwam. Jim was
satisfied. He said this was a lot better than having to
every day, and trembling all over every time there was a
sound. The duke told him to make himself free and easy,
lie tied up for what seemed like a couple of years
every day, trembling all over whenever he heard a
and if anybody ever come meddling around, he must hop
out of the wigwam, and carry on a little, and fetch a howl or
sound. The duke told him to make himself
comfortable. If anyone came snooping around, then
two like a wild beast, and he reckoned they would light out
and leave him alone. Which was sound enough judgment;
he could just hop out of the wigam, make a scene,
and howl once or twice like a wild beast. They’d run
but you take the average man, and he wouldn’t wait for him
to howl. Why, he didn’t only look like he was dead, he
off and leave him alone. This seemed like a solid idea,
though most men probably wouldn’t wait for Jim to
looked considerable more than that.
howl before he ran off. He’d take off at the mere sight
of Jim, who looked considerably worse than a dead
guy.
These rapscallions wanted to try the Nonesuch again,
Those rascals wanted to try the Nonesuch scam
because there was so much money in it, but they judged it
wouldn’t be safe, because maybe the news might a worked
again, since it didn’t cost a lot of money up front. They
figured it wouldn’t be safe, though, because news of
along down by this time. They couldn’t hit no project that
suited exactly; so at last the duke said he reckoned he’d lay
the scam might have traveled this way down the river
by this time. They couldn’t come up with another
off and work his brains an hour or two and see if he couldn’t
put up something on the Arkansaw village; and the king he
suitable scam, however. Finally, they quit discussing,
and the duke said he reckoned he’d think on it for an
allowed he would drop over to t’other village without any
plan, but just trust in Providence to lead him the profitable
hour or two to see if he couldn’t come up with
something to fool the people in the village on the
way—meaning the devil, I reckon. We had all bought store
clothes where we stopped last; and now the king put his’n
Arkansas side of the river. The king said he’d pop over
to the village on the other side of the river; he had no
on, and he told me to put mine on. I done it, of course. The
king’s duds was all black, and he did look real swell and
specific plan in mind but trusted that Providence would
lead him to something profitable—and by Providence,
starchy. I never knowed how clothes could change a body
before. Why, before, he looked like the orneriest old rip that
I think he meant the devil. We had all purchased nice
store-bought clothes in the last place we’d stopped at.
ever was; but now, when he’d take off his new white beaver
and make a bow and do a smile, he looked that grand and
The king put his clothes on and told me to do the
same, which I did. The king’s clothes were all black,
good and pious that you’d say he had walked right out of the
ark, and maybe was old Leviticus himself. Jim cleaned up
and he looked stiff, but nice. I never realized how
much clothes could transform a person. Before, the
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the canoe, and I got my paddle ready. There was a big
steamboat laying at the shore away up under the point,
king looked like the meanest old coot you’d ever seen,
but after he took off his white beaver hat and bowed
about three mile above the town—been there a couple of
hours, taking on freight. Says the king:
and smiled, he looked so grand and pious that you’d
think he was Noah or old Leviticus. Jim cleaned up the
canoe, and I got my paddle ready. There was a big
steamboat near the shore under the point about three
miles above the town. It had been there for about
three hours as the men loaded freight on it. So the
king said:
“Seein’ how I’m dressed, I reckon maybe I better arrive
“Since I’m dressed so nicely, I suppose I should tell
down from St. Louis or Cincinnati, or some other big place.
Go for the steamboat, Huckleberry; we’ll come down to the
people that I came from St. Louis or Cincinnati or
some other big city. Head for the steamboat,
village on her.”
Huckleberry—we’ll ride on it down to the village.”
I didn’t have to be ordered twice to go and take a steamboat
I didn’t have to be told twice to take a steamboat ride.
ride. I fetched the shore a half a mile above the village, and
then went scooting along the bluff bank in the easy water.
I brought the canoe to shore about a half mile north of
the village and then went paddling along in the calm
Pretty soon we come to a nice innocent-looking young
country jake setting on a log swabbing the sweat off of his
waters along the bank under the bluff. We soon came
to a nice, innocent-looking country fellow sitting on a
face, for it was powerful warm weather; and he had a couple
of big carpet-bags by him.
log and wiping the sweat off his face. It was a very
warm day. He had a couple of big carpetbags next to
him.
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“Run her nose in shore,” says the king. I done it. “Wher’ you
“Steer the canoe into the shore,” said the king, so I
bound for, young man?”
did. “Where are you headed, young man?”
“For the steamboat; going to Orleans.”
“For the steamboat. I’m going to New Orleans.”
“Git aboard,” says the king. “Hold on a minute, my servant ’ll
he’p you with them bags. Jump out and he’p the gentleman,
“Get aboard,” said the king. “Hold on a minute, my
servant will help you with those bags. Jump out and
Adolphus"—meaning me, I see.
help the gentleman, Adolphus”—by which he meant
me, I realized.
I done so, and then we all three started on again. The young
chap was mighty thankful; said it was tough work toting his
I did so, and then the three of us continued along in
the canoe. The young fellow was really grateful. He
baggage such weather. He asked the king where he was
going, and the king told him he’d come down the river and
said it was tough work toting his baggage in such hot
weather. He asked the king where he was going, and
landed at the other village this morning, and now he was
going up a few mile to see an old friend on a farm up there.
the king told him he’d come down the river and landed
at the other village this morning. Now, he said, he was
The young fellow says:
going up river a few miles to see an old friend on a
farm there. The young fellow said:
“When I first see you I says to myself, ’It’s Mr. Wilks, sure,
and he come mighty near getting here in time.’ But then I
“When I first saw you I said to myself, ‘That’s Mr.
Wilks, for sure. And he’s pretty much right on time.’
says again, ’No, I reckon it ain’t him, or else he wouldn’t be
But then I thought a second and said, ‘No, I guess that
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paddling up the river.’ You AIN’T him, are you?”
isn’t him, or else he wouldn’t be paddling up the river.
You AREN’T Mr. Wilks, are you?’”
“No, my name’s Blodgett—Elexander Blodgett—
REVEREND Elexander Blodgett, I s’pose I must say, as I’m
“No. My name’s Blodgett—Elexander Blodgett.
REVEREND Elexander Blodgett, I suppose I should
one o’ the Lord’s poor servants. But still I’m jist as able to be
sorry for Mr. Wilks for not arriving in time, all the same, if
say, since I’m one of the Lord’s poor servants. Still,
though, I should say I’m sorry for Mr. Wilks not having
he’s missed anything by it—which I hope he hasn’t.”
arrived on time if he missed anything because of it—
which I hope he hasn’t.”
“Well, he don’t miss any property by it, because he’ll get that
all right; but he’s missed seeing his brother Peter die—which
“Well, he won’t be missing any property because he’s
late, because he’ll be sure to get it eventually. But he
he mayn’t mind, nobody can tell as to that—but his brother
would a give anything in this world to see HIM before he
missed seeing his brother Peter die—which he might
not mind either, though nobody really knows about it.
died; never talked about nothing else all these three weeks;
hadn’t seen him since they was boys together—and hadn’t
But his brother would have given anything in this world
to see HIM before he died. He didn’t talk about
ever seen his brother William at all—that’s the deef and
dumb one—William ain’t more than thirty or thirty-five. Peter
anything else these past three weeks. He hadn’t seen
his brother since they were boys together, and he’d
and George were the only ones that come out here; George
was the married brother; him and his wife both died last
never seen his brother William at all—that’s the deaf
and mute one. William isn’t more than thirty or thirty-
year. Harvey and William’s the only ones that’s left now;
and, as I was saying, they haven’t got here in time.”
five years old. Peter and George were the only ones
who moved out here. George was married—he and
his wife died last year. Harvey and William are the
only ones that are left alive now. And, as I was saying,
they didn’t get here in time.”
“Did anybody send ’em word?”
“Did anyone send word to them?”
“Oh, yes; a month or two ago, when Peter was first took;
because Peter said then that he sorter felt like he warn’t
“Oh yes, about a month or two ago when Peter first
got sick. He said then that he felt like he wasn’t going
going to get well this time. You see, he was pretty old, and
George’s g’yirls was too young to be much company for him,
to get well this time. You see, he was pretty old, and
George’s girls were too young to be of any use as
except Mary Jane, the red-headed one; and so he was
kinder lonesome after George and his wife died, and didn’t
company for him, except for Mary Jane, the redheaded one. So he was kind of lonesome after
seem to care much to live. He most desperately wanted to
see Harvey—and William, too, for that matter—because he
George and his wife died, and he didn’t seem to care
much to live anymore. He desperately wanted to see
was one of them kind that can’t bear to make a will. He left a
letter behind for Harvey, and said he’d told in it where his
Harvey—and William too for that matter—because he
was one of those people who couldn’t stand to write a
money was hid, and how he wanted the rest of the property
divided up so George’s g’yirls would be all right—for George
will. He left a letter behind for Harvey. He said he’d
told him in the letter where he’d hidden his money and
didn’t leave nothing. And that letter was all they could get
him to put a pen to.”
how he wanted the rest of his property to be divided
up so that George’s girls would be okay, because
George hadn’t left them anything. That letter was all
they could get him to write.”
“Why do you reckon Harvey don’t come? Wher’ does he
live?”
“Why do you think Harvey hasn’t come? Where does
he live?”
“Oh, he lives in England—Sheffield—preaches there—
“Oh, he lives in England, in Sheffield. He preaches
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hasn’t ever been in this country. He hasn’t had any too
much time—and besides he mightn’t a got the letter at all,
there. He’s never been to this country. He hasn’t had
much time to travel. Besides, he might not have gotten
you know.”
the letter at all, you know.”
“Too bad, too bad he couldn’t a lived to see his brothers,
“Too bad. It’s too bad he couldn’t have lived to see his
poor soul. You going to Orleans, you say?”
brothers, poor soul. You going to New Orleans, you
say?”
“Yes, but that ain’t only a part of it. I’m going in a ship, next
Wednesday, for Ryo Janeero, where my uncle lives.”
“Yes, but that’s only part of my trip. Next Wednesday,
I’m boarding a ship for Rio de Janiero, where my
Uncle lives.”
“It’s a pretty long journey. But it’ll be lovely; wisht I was a-
“That’s a pretty long journey, but it’ll be a lovely trip. I
going. Is Mary Jane the oldest? How old is the others?”
wish I were going. Is Mary Jane the oldest? How old
are the others?”
“Mary Jane’s nineteen, Susan’s fifteen, and Joanna’s about
fourteen—that’s the one that gives herself to good works
“Mary Jane’s nineteen years old, Susan is fifteen, and
Joanna’s about fourteen. Joanna’s the one with the
and has a hare-lip.”
hare-lip. She devotes herself to helping others.”
“Poor things! to be left alone in the cold world so.”
“Poor things! To be left alone like that in this cold
world.”
“Well, they could be worse off. Old Peter had friends, and
“Well, they could be worse off. Old Peter had friends,
they ain’t going to let them come to no harm. There’s
Hobson, the Babtis’ preacher; and Deacon Lot Hovey, and
and they won’t let anything bad happen to thode girls.
There’s Hobson, the Baptist preacher, and Deacon
Ben Rucker, and Abner Shackleford, and Levi Bell, the
lawyer; and Dr. Robinson, and their wives, and the widow
Lot Hovey. Then there’s Ben Rucker and Abner
Shackleford and Levi Bell, the lawyer. There’s also Dr.
Bartley, and—well, there’s a lot of them; but these are the
ones that Peter was thickest with, and used to write about
Robinson, plus all those men’s wives and the widow
Bartley—well, there’s a lot of them. But those people
sometimes, when he wrote home; so Harvey ’ll know where
to look for friends when he gets here.”
are the ones that Peter was closest to and would write
about sometimes in letters home. So Harvey will know
where to look for friends when he gets here.”
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Well, the old man went on asking questions till he just fairly
Well, the old king went on asking questions until he
emptied that young fellow. Blamed if he didn’t inquire about
everybody and everything in that blessed town, and all
pretty much drained that young fellow dry. He must
have asked about everybody and everything in that
about the Wilkses; and about Peter’s business—which was
a tanner; and about George’s—which was a carpenter; and
little down, as well as everything about the Wilkses.
He also asked about Peter’s business (he was a
about Harvey’s—which was a dissentering minister; and so
on, and so on. Then he says:
tanner) and about George’s (a carpenter) as well as
about Harvey’s, who was a dissenting minister. And
on and on. Then he said:
“What did you want to walk all the way up to the steamboat
“Why did you want to walk all the way up to the
for?”
steamboat?”
“Because she’s a big Orleans boat, and I was afeard she
“Because she’s a big New Orleans boat, and I was
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mightn’t stop there. When they’re deep they won’t stop for a
hail. A Cincinnati boat will, but this is a St. Louis one.”
afraid she might not stop in my small village. When
they’re fully loaded, they won’t stop for anything.
Boats from Cincinnati will, but this boat came from St.
Louis.”
“Was Peter Wilks well off?”
“Was Peter Wilks well off?”
“Oh, yes, pretty well off. He had houses and land, and it’s
“Oh yes, pretty well off. He had houses and land, and
reckoned he left three or four thousand in cash hid up
som’ers.”
people think he hid three or four thousand dollars in
cash somewhere.”
“When did you say he died?”
“When did you say he died?”
“I didn’t say, but it was last night.”
“I didn’t say. But it was last night.”
“Funeral to-morrow, likely?”
“Is it likely that the funeral will be held tomorrow?”
“Yes, ’bout the middle of the day.”
“Yes, around the middle of the day.”
“Well, it’s all terrible sad; but we’ve all got to go, one time or
another. So what we want to do is to be prepared; then
“Well, it’s terribly sad. But we’ve all got to die
sometime. So what we should all do is to be prepared.
we’re all right.”
Then we’ll be all right.”
“Yes, sir, it’s the best way. Ma used to always say that.”
“Yes sir, that’s the best way. My mother used to
always say that.”
When we struck the boat she was about done loading, and
The steamboat was just about finished being loaded
pretty soon she got off. The king never said nothing about
going aboard, so I lost my ride, after all. When the boat was
when we reach it. The king never said anything about
going aboard, so I lost my steamboat ride after all.
gone the king made me paddle up another mile to a
lonesome place, and then he got ashore and says:
When the boat was gone, the king made me paddle to
a secluded spot another mile or so up river. Then we
went ashore and he said:
“Now hustle back, right off, and fetch the duke up here, and
“Now hustle back right away and bring the duke here
the new carpet-bags. And if he’s gone over to t’other side,
go over there and git him. And tell him to git himself up
with the new carpetbags. If he’s gone over to the other
side of the river, go and get him. Tell him to get
regardless. Shove along, now.”
himself over here no matter what he’s doing. Go along
now.”
I see what HE was up to; but I never said nothing, of course.
When I got back with the duke we hid the canoe, and then
I could see what HE was up to, but I didn’t say
anything, of course. When I got back with the duke,
they set down on a log, and the king told him everything, just
like the young fellow had said it—every last word of it. And
we hid the canoe. Then the two of them sat on a log,
and the king told him everything, just as the young
all the time he was a-doing it he tried to talk like an
Englishman; and he done it pretty well, too, for a slouch. I
fellow had said—every last word of it. The entire time
he was describing things to the duke, he tried to use a
can’t imitate him, and so I ain’t a-going to try to; but he really
done it pretty good. Then he says:
British accent—and he did a decent job for being such
a bum. I can’t imitate him, so I’m not going to try, but
he really did a decent job. Then he said:
“How are you on the deef and dumb, Bilgewater?”
“How are you at playing deaf and mute, Bilgewater?”
The duke said, leave him alone for that; said he had played
a deef and dumb person on the histronic boards. So then
The duke told the king to just leave it to him. He said
he’d played a deaf and mute person before. Then they
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they waited for a steamboat.
waited for a steamboat.
About the middle of the afternoon a couple of little boats
A couple of little boats came along around the middle
come along, but they didn’t come from high enough up the
river; but at last there was a big one, and they hailed her.
of the afternoon, but they didn’t come from far enough
up the river. At last, a big one came along, and they
She sent out her yawl, and we went aboard, and she was
from Cincinnati; and when they found we only wanted to go
called out to it. She sent out her yawl, and we went
aboard. The boat was from Cincinnati, and when the
four or five mile they was booming mad, and gave us a
cussing, and said they wouldn’t land us. But the king was
crew found out we only wanted to go four or five miles,
they were really angry. They cussed us out and said
ca’m. He says:
they wouldn’t take us where we wanted. But the king
was calm, and said:
“If gentlemen kin afford to pay a dollar a mile apiece to be
took on and put off in a yawl, a steamboat kin afford to carry
“If we gentlemen can afford to pay a dollar a mile on
board the yawl, then a steamboat can afford to carry
’em, can’t it?”
us, can’t it?”
So they softened down and said it was all right; and when
They quieted down and said it was okay. When we got
we got to the village they yawled us ashore. About two
dozen men flocked down when they see the yawl a-coming,
to the village, the yawl took us ashore. About twodozen men in the town flocked down to the river when
and when the king says:
they saw the yawl coming. The king said:
“Kin any of you gentlemen tell me wher’ Mr. Peter Wilks
“Can any of you gentlement tell me where Mr. Peter
lives?” they give a glance at one another, and nodded their
heads, as much as to say, “What d’ I tell you?” Then one of
Wilks lives?” All the men glanced at one another and
nodded their heads as if to say, “What did I tell you?”
them says, kind of soft and gentle:
Then one of them said, softly and gently:
“I’m sorry sir, but the best we can do is to tell you where he
“I’m sorry, sir, but the best we can do is tell you where
DID live yesterday evening.”
he DID live until yesterday evening.”
Sudden as winking the ornery old cretur went an to smash,
As fast as you could blink, the mean old king stumbled
and fell up against the man, and put his chin on his
shoulder, and cried down his back, and says:
forward, crashed into the man, put his chin on his
shoulder, and started crying tears down his back. He
said:
“Alas, alas, our poor brother—gone, and we never got to
“Oh no! Oh no! Our poor brother is… gone! And we
see him; oh, it’s too, too hard!”
never got to see him! Oh, it’s too much! We’re too
late!”
Then he turns around, blubbering, and makes a lot of idiotic
signs to the duke on his hands, and blamed if he didn’t drop
Then, still blubbering, he turned around and made a
lot of crazy signs with his hands to the duke. And that
a carpet-bag and bust out a-crying. If they warn’t the
beatenest lot, them two frauds, that ever I struck.
duke played right along by dropping the carpetbag
and busting out crying. They were the cleverest bunch
of phonies I’d ever seen.
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Well, the men gathered around and sympathized with them,
Well, the men gathered around and sympathized with
and said all sorts of kind things to them, and carried their
carpet-bags up the hill for them, and let them lean on them
them, saying all sorts of kind words and letting them
cry on them. The men carried the carpetbags up the
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and cry, and told the king all about his brother’s last
moments, and the king he told it all over again on his hands
hill and told the king all about his brother’s last
moments. The king repeated it to the duke using his
to the duke, and both of them took on about that dead
tanner like they’d lost the twelve disciples. Well, if ever I
hands. Both of them cried and cried over that dead
tanner as if they’d just lost the twelve disciples. Well,
struck anything like it, I’m a nigger. It was enough to make a
body ashamed of the human race.
call me a n----- if I’ve ever seen anything like it. It was
enough to make you ashamed of the whole human
race.
Chapter 25
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THE news was all over town in two minutes, and you could
The news was all over town in two minutes. You could
see the people tearing down on the run from every which
way, some of them putting on their coats as they come.
see the people running down from every direction,
some of them still putting on their coats as they came.
Pretty soon we was in the middle of a crowd, and the noise
of the tramping was like a soldier march. The windows and
You could hear the stamping of feet, which sounded
like soldiers marching. Pretty soon, we were
dooryards was full; and every minute somebody would say,
over a fence:
surrounded by a crowd. The windows and doors of the
houses nearby were filled with people leaning out, and
every minute someone would lean over a fence, and
say:
“Is it THEM?”
“Is it THEM?”
And somebody trotting along with the gang would answer
And then someone running along with a bunch of
back and say:
other people would answer back:
“You bet it is.”
“You bet it is!”
When we got to the house the street in front of it was
packed, and the three girls was standing in the door. Mary
When we got to the house the street in front of it was
packed. The three girls were standing in the door.
Jane WAS red-headed, but that don’t make no difference,
she was most awful beautiful, and her face and her eyes
Mary Jane WAS a redhead, but that didn’t make any
difference—she was very beautiful, and her face and
was all lit up like glory, she was so glad her uncles was
come. The king he spread his arms, and Mary Jane she
eyes were all lit up like heaven. She was so glad her
uncles had come. The king spread his arms, and Mary
jumped for them, and the hare-lip jumped for the duke, and
there they HAD it! Everybody most, leastways women, cried
Jane jumped in them. The hare-lipped girl jumped for
the duke, and they hugged too. Everyone—well, the
for joy to see them meet again at last and have such good
times.
women anyway—cried for joy to see them finally meet
and on such a good occasion.
Then the king he hunched the duke private—I see him do
it—and then he looked around and see the coffin, over in the
The king took the duke aside—I saw him do it—and
he looked around and saw the coffin over in the corner
corner on two chairs; so then him and the duke, with a hand
across each other’s shoulder, and t’other hand to their eyes,
on two chairs. So he and the duke, with a hand across
each other’s shoulders and another over their eyes,
walked slow and solemn over there, everybody dropping
back to give them room, and all the talk and noise stopping,
walked slowly and solemnly over to the coffin.
Everyone stepped back to give them room, and all the
people saying “Sh!” and all the men taking their hats off and
drooping their heads, so you could a heard a pin fall. And
talk and noise stopped as people said, “Sh!” All the
men took off their hats and drooped their heads, and it
when they got there they bent over and looked in the coffin,
was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. When
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and took one sight, and then they bust out a-crying so you
could a heard them to Orleans, most; and then they put their
they got there they bent over and looked in the coffin.
They took one look, and then they burst into tears.
arms around each other’s necks, and hung their chins over
each other’s shoulders; and then for three minutes, or
They made such a fuss that you could have heard
them down in New Orleans, I bet. Then they put their
maybe four, I never see two men leak the way they done.
And, mind you, everybody was doing the same; and the
arms around each other’s necks and hung their chins
over each other’s shoulders. They staid this way for
place was that damp I never see anything like it. Then one
of them got on one side of the coffin, and t’other on t’other
three, maybe four, minutes, and I never saw two men
cry like they did. And everyone else was doing the
side, and they kneeled down and rested their foreheads on
the coffin, and let on to pray all to themselves. Well, when it
same, mind you. The place was so wet with tears—
I’ve never seen anything like it. Then they each got on
come to that it worked the crowd like you never see anything
like it, and everybody broke down and went to sobbing right
a different side of the coffin, kneeled down, rested
their foreheads on the coffin, and pretended to pray to
out loud—the poor girls, too; and every woman, nearly, went
up to the girls, without saying a word, and kissed them,
themselves. This little trick had an affect on the crowd
unlike anything else, and everyone broke down
solemn, on the forehead, and then put their hand on their
head, and looked up towards the sky, with the tears running
sobbing out loud, even the poor girls. And nearly
every woman went up to the girls and kissed them
down, and then busted out and went off sobbing and
swabbing, and give the next woman a show. I never see
solemnly on the forehead without saying a word. Then
she’d put her hand on their heads and look up toward
anything so disgusting.
the sky with tears running down her cheek before
bursting into more tears and letting the next woman
take a turn. I never saw anything so disgusting.
Well, by and by the king he gets up and comes forward a
Well, pretty soon the king got up and stepped forward
little, and works himself up and slobbers out a speech, all
full of tears and flapdoodle about its being a sore trial for him
a little. He got himself all worked up and slobbered out
a speech that was filled with tears and nonsense
and his poor brother to lose the diseased, and to miss
seeing diseased alive after the long journey of four thousand
about how this was such a hard ordeal for him and his
poor brother to lose the deceased and to have missed
mile, but it’s a trial that’s sweetened and sanctified to us by
this dear sympathy and these holy tears, and so he thanks
seeing him alive after such a long journey of four
thousand miles. But, he said, it was a trial that was
them out of his heart and out of his brother’s heart, because
out of their mouths they can’t, words being too weak and
sweetened and sanctified by the sympathy of the
townsfolk and the tears they shed. So, he thanked
cold, and all that kind of rot and slush, till it was just
sickening; and then he blubbers out a pious goody-goody
them from the bottom of his heart and his brother’s
heart because he couldn’t find the right words. He
Amen, and turns himself loose and goes to crying fit to bust.
went on with all that rot and garbage, and it was just
sickening. And then he blubbered out a pious goodygoody Amen, and then really let loose with a crying fit.
And the minute the words were out of his mouth somebody
The minute the words were out of his mouth someone
over in the crowd struck up the doxolojer, and everybody
joined in with all their might, and it just warmed you up and
in the crowd started singing a doxology, and everyone
joined in with all their might. It just warmed you up and
made you feel as good as church letting out. Music is a
good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash I
made you feel just as good as if church were letting
out. Music is a good thing. And it’s never sounded so
never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and
bully.
pure and fresh than after all that soul buttering and
hogwash.
Then the king begins to work his jaw again, and says how
him and his nieces would be glad if a few of the main
Then the king began to start talking again. He said
how he and his nieces would be glad if a few of the
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principal friends of the family would take supper here with
them this evening, and help set up with the ashes of the
deceased’s family and most important friends would
have supper here with them this evening and help set
diseased; and says if his poor brother laying yonder could
speak he knows who he would name, for they was names
everything up with the ashes of the deceased. He said
that if his poor dead brother lying over there could
that was very dear to him, and mentioned often in his letters;
and so he will name the same, to wit, as follows, vizz.:—
speak he’d know who he’d name because they would
be the names of those who were very dear to him and
Rev. Mr. Hobson, and Deacon Lot Hovey, and Mr. Ben
Rucker, and Abner Shackleford, and Levi Bell, and Dr.
whom he mentioned often in his letters. And so the
king said he’d name those same people: Rev. Mr.
Robinson, and their wives, and the widow Bartley.
Hobson, Deacon Lot Hovey, Mr. Ben Rucker, Abner
Shackleford, Levi Bell, Dr. Robinson, and all their
wives, and the widow Bartley.
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Rev. Hobson and Dr. Robinson was down to the end of the
Reverend Hobson and Dr. Robinson were down at the
town a-hunting together—that is, I mean the doctor was
shipping a sick man to t’other world, and the preacher was
other end of town hunting together. What I mean is the
doctor was helping a sick man pass into the next life,
pinting him right. Lawyer Bell was away up to Louisville on
business. But the rest was on hand, and so they all come
and the preacher was pointing him the way. Lawyer
Bell was up in Louisville on business. But the rest of
and shook hands with the king and thanked him and talked
to him; and then they shook hands with the duke and didn’t
the people whose names the king had called out here
here, so they all came and shook his hand and
say nothing, but just kept a-smiling and bobbing their heads
like a passel of sapheads whilst he made all sorts of signs
thanked him and talked to him. Then they shook
hands with the duke and didn’t saying anything, but
with his hands and said “Goo-goo—goo-goo-goo” all the
time, like a baby that can’t talk.
just kept on smiling and bobbing their heads like a
bunch of morons while he made all sorts of signs with
his hands and said, “Goo-goo. Goo-goo-goo,” like a
baby that can’t talk.
So the king he blattered along, and managed to inquire
about pretty much everybody and dog in town, by his name,
The king blathered on. He manged to ask about pretty
much every person and dog in town by name. He
and mentioned all sorts of little things that happened one
time or another in the town, or to George’s family, or to
mentioned all sorts of little things that had happened
at one time or another in the town, or to George’s
Peter. And he always let on that Peter wrote him the things;
but that was a lie: he got every blessed one of them out of
family or Peter. And he always pretended that Peter
had written him about these things, though that was a
that young flathead that we canoed up to the steamboat.
lie, of course—he’d gotten every blessed one of those
details out of that young idiot we’d taken in the canoe
to the steamboat.
Then Mary Jane she fetched the letter her father left behind,
Then Mary Jane brought the letter her father had left
and the king he read it out loud and cried over it. It give the
dwelling-house and three thousand dollars, gold, to the girls;
behind. The king read it aloud and cried over it. The
letter said he gave the house and three thousand
and it give the tanyard (which was doing a good business),
along with some other houses and land (worth about seven
dollars in gold to the girls. He gave William and
Harvey the tanyard (which had been doing a good
thousand), and three thousand dollars in gold to Harvey and
William, and told where the six thousand cash was hid down
business) along with three thousand dollars in gold
and some other houses and land worth about seven
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cellar. So these two frauds said they’d go and fetch it up,
and have everything square and above-board; and told me
thousand dollars. It also said where the six thousand
dollars in cash was hidden down in the cellar. So they
to come with a candle. We shut the cellar door behind us,
and when they found the bag they spilt it out on the floor,
two frauds said they’d go down and bring it up so that
everything was square and on the level. They told me
and it was a lovely sight, all them yaller-boys. My, the way
the king’s eyes did shine! He slaps the duke on the shoulder
to come with them and bring a candle. We shut the
cellar door behind us. They found the bag and spilled
and says:
its contents out on the floor. It was lovely to see all
those yellow coins. My, the way the king’s eyes did
shine! He slapped the duke on the shoulder and said:
“Oh, THIS ain’t bully nor noth’n! Oh, no, I reckon not! Why,
“Oh have you ever seen anything better than THIS? I
Billy, it beats the Nonesuch, DON’T it?”
bet not! Why, Billy, it beats the Nonesuch scam,
DOESN’T it?
The duke allowed it did. They pawed the yaller-boys, and
sifted them through their fingers and let them jingle down on
The duke agreed. They pawed the gold coins and
sifted through them with their fingers and let them
the floor; and the king says:
jingle on the floor. Then the king said:
“It ain’t no use talkin’; bein’ brothers to a rich dead man and
“It’s no use talking. Being brothers to a dead rich man
representatives of furrin heirs that’s got left is the line for you
and me, Bilge. Thish yer comes of trust’n to Providence. It’s
and representatives of heirs to a fortune built on furs
that have nothing left of their family line except for you
the best way, in the long run. I’ve tried ’em all, and ther’ ain’t
no better way.”
and me, Bilge. We’ve been rewarded for trusting in
Providence. It’s the best way, in the long run. I’ve tried
all the scams out there, and there isn’t one better than
this.”
Most everybody would a been satisfied with the pile, and
took it on trust; but no, they must count it. So they counts it,
Most people would have been satisfied with this pile of
gold and trusted that it was all there. But these two
and it comes out four hundred and fifteen dollars short. Says
the king:
had to count it. So they counted it and it came out four
hundred and fifteen dollars short. The king said:
“Dern him, I wonder what he done with that four hundred
and fifteen dollars?”
“Darn him, I wonder what he did with that four hundred
and fifteen dollars?”
They worried over that awhile, and ransacked all around for
it. Then the duke says:
They thought about that for a while, and ransacked
the cellar looking for it. Then the duke said:
“Well, he was a pretty sick man, and likely he made a
mistake—I reckon that’s the way of it. The best way’s to let it
“Well, he was a pretty sick man, and he probably just
made a mistake. I bet that’s what happened. The best
go, and keep still about it. We can spare it.”
thing to do is to just let it go and not say anything
about it. We don’t need it.”
“Oh, shucks, yes, we can SPARE it. I don’t k’yer noth’n ’bout
that—it’s the COUNT I’m thinkin’ about. We want to be awful
“Oh, sure, we don’t NEED it. I don’t care anything
about that. It’s the COUNT that I’m thinking about. We
square and open and above-board here, you know. We
want to lug this h-yer money up stairs and count it before
want to be completely square and open and on the
level here, you know. We want to lug this bag of
everybody—then ther’ ain’t noth’n suspicious. But when the
dead man says ther’s six thous’n dollars, you know, we don’t
money up stairs and count it in front of everyone so
that there won’t be any suspicion. But since the dead
want to—”
man said there’d be six thousand dollars, you know,
we don’t want to….”
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“Hold on,” says the duke. “Le’s make up the deffisit,” and he
begun to haul out yaller-boys out of his pocket.
“Hold on,” said the duke. “Let’s just make up the
difference.” He began to pull gold coins out of his
pocket.
“It’s a most amaz’n’ good idea, duke—you HAVE got a
“That’s an excellent idea, duke—you HAVE got a
rattlin’ clever head on you,” says the king. “Blest if the old
Nonesuch ain’t a heppin’ us out agin,” and HE begun to haul
pretty clever head on your shoulders,” said the king.
“Great that the old Nonesuch scam is helping us out
out yaller-jackets and stack them up.
again.” Then HE began to take some gold coins out of
his pockets and stack them up.
It most busted them, but they made up the six thousand
clean and clear.
It nearly made them broke, but they were able to
come up with the difference to make an even six
thousand.
“Say,” says the duke, “I got another idea. Le’s go up stairs
“Hey,” said the duke. “I’ve got another idea. Let’s go
and count this money, and then take and GIVE IT TO THE
GIRLS.”
upstairs and count this money, and then take and
GIVE IT TO THE GIRLS.”
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“Good land, duke, lemme hug you! It’s the most dazzling
idea ’at ever a man struck. You have cert’nly got the most
“My goodness, duke! Come here, and let me give you
a hug! That’s the best idea anyone has ever come up
astonishin’ head I ever see. Oh, this is the boss dodge, ther’
ain’t no mistake ’bout it. Let ’em fetch along their suspicions
with. You certainly do have the best brain I’ve ever
encountered. Oh, this is the best scheme we’ve ever
now if they want to—this ’ll lay ’em out.”
come up with, no doubt about it. This will put them at
ease—let them just try and be suspicious of us now.”
When we got up-stairs everybody gethered around the
table, and the king he counted it and stacked it up, three
When we got back upstairs, everyone gathered
around the table and the king counted and stacked it
hundred dollars in a pile—twenty elegant little piles.
Everybody looked hungry at it, and licked their chops. Then
all up into twenty elegant little piles with three hundred
dollars per pile. Everyone looked hungrily at it all and
they raked it into the bag again, and I see the king begin to
swell himself up for another speech. He says:
licked their lips. Then they shoveled it back into the
bag, and I saw that the king was buffing his chest in
preparation for another speech. He said:
“Friends all, my poor brother that lays yonder has done
“Friends, my poor brother that lies over there has
generous by them that’s left behind in the vale of sorrers. He
has done generous by these yer poor little lambs that he
been very generous to those he left behind in their
sadness. He has been generous to these poor little
loved and sheltered, and that’s left fatherless and
motherless. Yes, and we that knowed him knows that he
lambs that he loved and sheltered, the girls who are
now fatherless and motherless. Yes, and those of us
would a done MORE generous by ’em if he hadn’t ben
afeard o’ woundin’ his dear William and me. Now,
who knew him know that he would have been even
more generous if he hadn’t been afraid of doing an
WOULDN’T he? Ther’ ain’t no question ’bout it in MY mind.
Well, then, what kind o’ brothers would it be that ’d stand in
injustice to his dear brothers William and me. Wouldn’t
he? There isn’t a question about it in my mind. Well,
his way at sech a time? And what kind o’ uncles would it be
that ’d rob—yes, ROB—sech poor sweet lambs as these ’at
then, what kind of brothers would we be if we stood in
his way during such a difficult time? And what kind of
he loved so at sech a time? If I know William—and I THINK I
uncles would we be if we robbed—yes ROBBED—
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do—he—well, I’ll jest ask him.” He turns around and begins
to make a lot of signs to the duke with his hands, and the
such poor sweet lambs as these girls that he loved so
dearly? If I know William—and I THINK I do—he…
duke he looks at him stupid and leather-headed a while;
then all of a sudden he seems to catch his meaning, and
well, I’ll just ask him.” He turned around and began to
make a lot of signs to the duke with his hands, and the
jumps for the king, goo-gooing with all his might for joy, and
hugs him about fifteen times before he lets up. Then the
duke just looked back at him stupidly for a while. Then
all of a sudden he pretended to understand the king.
king says, “I knowed it; I reckon THAT’ll convince anybody
the way HE feels about it. Here, Mary Jane, Susan,
He jumped for the king, goo-gooing with all his might,
and hugged him about fifteen times before letting go.
Joanner, take the money—take it ALL. It’s the gift of him that
lays yonder, cold but joyful.”
Then the king said, “I knew it. I reckon THAT will
convince everyone of the way HE feels about it. Here,
Mary Jane, Susan, Joanna—take the money, take it
ALL. It’s a gift from him that lies over there, dead but
happy.”
Mary Jane she went for him, Susan and the hare-lip went for
Mary Jane moved toward him, and Susan and
the duke, and then such another hugging and kissing I never
see yet. And everybody crowded up with the tears in their
Joanna, the girl with the harelip, went for the duke.
There was more hugging and kissing than I’d ever
eyes, and most shook the hands off of them frauds, saying
all the time:
seen before. Everyone crowded around them with
tears in their eyes. Most shook hands with those two
frauds, constantly saying:
“You DEAR good souls!—how LOVELY!—how COULD
“You DEAR good souls! How LOVELY! How CAN you
you!”
be so kind?”
Well, then, pretty soon all hands got to talking about the
Pretty soon after everyone got to talking about the
diseased again, and how good he was, and what a loss he
was, and all that; and before long a big iron-jawed man
deceased again. They talked about how good he was,
and what a loss it was that he’d died, and all that.
worked himself in there from outside, and stood a-listening
and looking, and not saying anything; and nobody saying
Before too long, a big iron-jawed man worked his way
into the crowd from outside. He stood there listening,
anything to him either, because the king was talking and
they was all busy listening. The king was saying—in the
watching the scene, and not saying a word, and no
one said anything to him either, since the king was
middle of something he’d started in on—
talking and everyone was busy listening. The king was
in the middle of saying something:
“—they bein’ partickler friends o’ the diseased. That’s why
they’re invited here this evenin’; but tomorrow we want ALL
“… they being particularly good friends with the
deceased. That’s why they’re invited here this
to come—everybody; for he respected everybody, he liked
everybody, and so it’s fitten that his funeral orgies sh’d be
evening. But tomorrow we want ALL of you to come—
everyone of you, because he respected everyone,
public.”
liked everyone, and so it’s only fitting that his funeral
orgies should be made public.
And so he went a-mooning on and on, liking to hear himself
talk, and every little while he fetched in his funeral orgies
He kept blathering on, enjoying the sound of his own
voice, bringing up the funeral orgies every now and
again, till the duke he couldn’t stand it no more; so he writes
on a little scrap of paper, “OBSEQUIES, you old fool,” and
then until the duke couldn’t stand it any more. He
wrote, “It’s OBSEQUIES, not orgies, you old fool” on a
folds it up, and goes to goo-gooing and reaching it over
people’s heads to him. The king he reads it and puts it in his
little piece of scrap paper, folded it up, and went googooing through the crowd. He reached over people’s
pocket, and says:
heads to hand it to the king, who read it, put it in his
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pocket, and said:
“Poor William, afflicted as he is, his HEART’S aluz right.
“Poor William. Handicaped as he is, his HEART is
Asks me to invite everybody to come to the funeral—wants
me to make ’em all welcome. But he needn’t a worried—it
always in the right place. He asked me to invite
everyone to come to the funeral—He wants me to
was jest what I was at.”
make you all feel welcome. But he needn’t have
worried, because I was just about to do that.”
Then he weaves along again, perfectly ca’m, and goes to
dropping in his funeral orgies again every now and then, just
Then he started talking again, perfectly calm, and he
would go back to the funeral orgies every now and
like he done before. And when he done it the third time he
says:
then, just as he’d done before. When he said it
incorrectly the third time, he added:
“I say orgies, not because it’s the common term, because it
ain’t—obsequies bein’ the common term—but because
“I say orgies not because it’s the word that is normally
used—that would be obsequies—but because orgies
orgies is the right term. Obsequies ain’t used in England no
more now—it’s gone out. We say orgies now in England.
is the proper term. Obsequies aren’t used in England
anymore—it’s gone out of fashion. Now we say orgies.
Orgies is better, because it means the thing you’re after
more exact. It’s a word that’s made up out’n the Greek
Orgies is a better term because it more precisely
captures the sentiment of what we want. It’s a word
ORGO, outside, open, abroad; and the Hebrew JEESUM, to
plant, cover up; hence inTER. So, you see, funeral orgies is
that comes from the Greek word ORGO, which means
outside or open or abroad, and the Hebrew word
an open er public funeral.”
JEESUM, which means to plant, cover up, or inter. So,
you see, funeral orgies are simply open, public
funerals.”
Chapter 25: Page 4
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He was the WORST I ever struck. Well, the iron-jawed man
He was the WORST sort that I ever saw. The iron-
he laughed right in his face. Everybody was shocked.
Everybody says, “Why, DOCTOR!” and Abner Shackleford
jawed man just laughed right in his face. Everyone
was shocked, and said, “DOCTOR!” Abner
says:
Shackleford said:
“Why, Robinson, hain’t you heard the news? This is Harvey
“Why, Dr. Robinson, haven’t you heard the news?
Wilks.”
This is Harvey Wilks.”
The king he smiled eager, and shoved out his flapper, and
The king smiled eagerly, shoved out his hand, and
says:
said:
“Is it my poor brother’s dear good friend and physician? I—”
“Is it my poor brother’s dear good friend and
physician? I….”
“Keep your hands off of me!” says the doctor. “YOU talk like
“Keep your hands off me!” said the doctor. “YOU sure
an Englishman, DON’T you? It’s the worst imitation I ever
heard. YOU Peter Wilks’s brother! You’re a fraud, that’s
talk like an Englishman, don’t you? Why, that’s the
worst imitation of an English accent I’ve ever heard.
what you are!”
YOU Peter Wilks’s brother! Ha! You’re a fraud, that’s
what you are!”
Well, how they all took on! They crowded around the doctor
and tried to quiet him down, and tried to explain to him and
The crowd sure reacted to that! Everyone crowded
around the doctor and tried to quiet him down and
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tell him how Harvey ’d showed in forty ways that he WAS
Harvey, and knowed everybody by name, and the names of
explain to him how Harvey had proved in about forty
different ways that he WAS Harvey. They said he
the very dogs, and begged and BEGGED him not to hurt
Harvey’s feelings and the poor girl’s feelings, and all that.
knew everyone by name, even the names of the dogs,
and they begged and BEGGED the doctor not to hurt
But it warn’t no use; he stormed right along, and said any
man that pretended to be an Englishman and couldn’t
Harvey’s feelings or those of the poor girls and on and
on. But it wasn’t any use. The doctor continued raging,
imitate the lingo no better than what he did was a fraud and
a liar. The poor girls was hanging to the king and crying; and
saying that any man who pretended to be an
Englishman but couldn’t imitate the language any
all of a sudden the doctor ups and turns on THEM. He says:
better than that had to be a fraud and a liar. The poor
girls were hanging on to the king and crying. The
doctor turned to THEM suddenly and said:
“I was your father’s friend, and I’m your friend; and I warn
“I was your father’s friend, and I’m your friend. And I
you as a friend, and an honest one that wants to protect you
and keep you out of harm and trouble, to turn your backs on
warn you as a friend—as an honest friend that wants
to protect you and keep you away from harm and out
that scoundrel and have nothing to do with him, the ignorant
tramp, with his idiotic Greek and Hebrew, as he calls it. He
of trouble—to turn your backs on that scoundrel and
having nothing to do with him, that ignorant tramp with
is the thinnest kind of an impostor—has come here with a lot
of empty names and facts which he picked up somewheres,
his fake Greek and Hebrew, as he calls it. He’s the
weakest kind of imposter there is. He’s come here with
and you take them for PROOFS, and are helped to fool
yourselves by these foolish friends here, who ought to know
a lot of names and empty facts that he’s picked up
somewhere, yet you take them for PROOF and help
better. Mary Jane Wilks, you know me for your friend, and
for your unselfish friend, too. Now listen to me; turn this
him fool you with the help of all your foolish friends
here. You ought to know better. Mary Jane Wilks, you
pitiful rascal out—I BEG you to do it. Will you?”
know that I’m your friend and an unselfish one at that.
Now listen to me—throw this rascal out. I BEG you to
do it. Will you?”
Mary Jane straightened herself up, and my, but she was
Mary Jane straightened herself up. My, she was
handsome! She says:
pretty! She said:
“HERE is my answer.” She hove up the bag of money and
“HERE is my answer.” And with that she shoved the
put it in the king’s hands, and says, “Take this six thousand
dollars, and invest for me and my sisters any way you want
bag of money back into the king’s hands and said,
“Take this six thousand dollars, and invest it for me
to, and don’t give us no receipt for it.”
and my sisters any way you like. You don’t even need
to give us a receipt for it.”
Then she put her arm around the king on one side, and
Susan and the hare-lip done the same on the other.
Then she put her arm around one side of the king, and
Susan and the harelipped girl did the same on the
Everybody clapped their hands and stomped on the floor
like a perfect storm, whilst the king held up his head and
other. Everyone clapped their hands and stomped on
the floor, which made a roaring sound of thunder. The
smiled proud. The doctor says:
king, meanwhile, held up his head and smiled proudly.
The doctor said:
“All right; I wash MY hands of the matter. But I warn you all
that a time ’s coming when you’re going to feel sick
“All right. I wash MY hands of this matter. But I warn
you all that there’s going to come a time when you’re
whenever you think of this day.” And away he went.
going to feel sick every time you remember this day.”
Then he left.
“All right, doctor,” says the king, kinder mocking him; “we’ll
“All right, doctor,” said the king, kind of mocking him.
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try and get ’em to send for you;” which made them all laugh,
and they said it was a prime good hit.
“We’ll try and get them to send for you,” which made
everyone laugh. They said he got him good.
Chapter 26
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WELL, when they was all gone the king he asks Mary Jane
how they was off for spare rooms, and she said she had one
When the crowd had gone, the king asked Mary Jane
if they had any spare bedrooms in the house. She
spare room, which would do for Uncle William, and she’d
give her own room to Uncle Harvey, which was a little
said she had one spare room, where Uncle William
could sleep. She would give up her own room, which
bigger, and she would turn into the room with her sisters and
sleep on a cot; and up garret was a little cubby, with a pallet
was a little bigger, to Uncle Harvey, and she would
sleep on a cot in a room with her sisters. There was a
in it. The king said the cubby would do for his valley—
meaning me.
little nook up in the attic with a pallet in it, which the
king said would be perfect for his valet—meaning me.
So Mary Jane took us up, and she showed them their
rooms, which was plain but nice. She said she’d have her
So Mary Jane took us upstairs and showed the king
and duke their rooms, which were plain but nice. She
frocks and a lot of other traps took out of her room if they
was in Uncle Harvey’s way, but he said they warn’t. The
said she’d have her frocks and accessories taken out
of her room if they were in Uncle Harvey’s way, but he
frocks was hung along the wall, and before them was a
curtain made out of calico that hung down to the floor. There
said they weren’t. The frocks were hanging along the
wall behind a curtain made of calico that hung down to
was an old hair trunk in one corner, and a guitar-box in
another, and all sorts of little knickknacks and jimcracks
the floor. There was an old hair trunk in one corner
and a guitar case in another. All sorts of little
around, like girls brisken up a room with. The king said it
was all the more homely and more pleasanter for these
knickknacks and odds and ends that girls used to
freshen up with were lying around. The king said
fixings, and so don’t disturb them. The duke’s room was
pretty small, but plenty good enough, and so was my cubby.
these details make it more homey and comfortable,
and he asked that they not be removed. The duke’s
room was pretty small, but good enough, and so was
my little nook up in the attic.
That night they had a big supper, and all them men and
women was there, and I stood behind the king and the
That night they had a big super, and all of those men
and women were there. I stood behind the king and
duke’s chairs and waited on them, and the niggers waited
on the rest. Mary Jane she set at the head of the table, with
the duke’s chairs and waited on them. The n-----waited on the rest. Mary Jane sat at the head of the
Susan alongside of her, and said how bad the biscuits was,
and how mean the preserves was, and how ornery and
table. Susan sat next to her. She kept saying how bad
the biscuits were, how course the preserves were,
tough the fried chickens was—and all that kind of rot, the
way women always do for to force out compliments; and the
how poor and tough the fried chickens were, and all
the other garbage that women always say when
people all knowed everything was tiptop, and said so—said
“How DO you get biscuits to brown so nice?” and “Where,
looking for compliments. Everyone knew that
everything on the table was first rate, and they said
for the land’s sake, DID you get these amaz’n pickles?” and
all that kind of humbug talky-talk, just the way people always
so. They said, “How DO you get biscuits to brown so
nicely?” and “Where, for land’s sake, DID you get
does at a supper, you know.
these amazing pickles?” and all that kind of flattery,
just the way people always do at supper, you know.
And when it was all done me and the hare-lip had supper in
the kitchen off of the leavings, whilst the others was helping
When the meal was done, me and Joanna, the
harelipped girl, had ate leftovers in the kitchen while
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the niggers clean up the things. The hare-lip she got to
pumping me about England, and blest if I didn’t think the ice
the others helped the n------ clean up. The harelipped
girl started asking me about England, and I’ll admit it
was getting mighty thin sometimes. She says:
felt like I was walking on some pretty thin ice
sometimes. She said:
“Did you ever see the king?”
“Did you ever see the king?”
“Who? William Fourth? Well, I bet I have—he goes to our
“Who? William IV? Sure I have—he goes to our
church.” I knowed he was dead years ago, but I never let on.
So when I says he goes to our church, she says:
church.” I knew that he’d died years ago, but I never
let on that I knew. So when I said that he goes to our
church, she said:
“What—regular?”
“Really? Regularly?”
“Yes—regular. His pew’s right over opposite ourn—on
t’other side the pulpit.”
“Yes, regularly. His pew is right across from ours—on
the other side of the pulpit.”
“I thought he lived in London?”
“I thought he lived in London.”
“Well, he does. Where WOULD he live?”
“Well, he does. Where else WOULD he live?”
“But I thought YOU lived in Sheffield?”
“But I thought YOU lived in Sheffield.”
I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get choked with a
I saw that I was trapped. I had to pretend I was
chicken bone, so as to get time to think how to get down
again. Then I says:
choking on a chicken bone to stall for time so I could
think of a way out. Then I said:
“I mean he goes to our church regular when he’s in
Sheffield. That’s only in the summer time, when he comes
“I mean, he goes to our church regularly when he’s in
Sheffield. That’s only in the summer time, when he
there to take the sea baths.”
goes there to take sea baths.”
“Why, how you talk—Sheffield ain’t on the sea.”
“What are you talking about? Sheffield isn’t on the
sea.”
“Well, who said it was?”
“Well, who said it was?”
“Why, you did.”
“You did!”
“I DIDN’T nuther.”
“I DIDN’T either.”
“You did!”
“You did!”
“I didn’t.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did.”
“You did.”
“I never said nothing of the kind.”
“I never said anything like that.”
“Well, what DID you say, then?”
“Well, what DID you say, then?”
“Said he come to take the sea BATHS—that’s what I said.”
“I said he comes to take sea BATHS—that’s what I
said.”
“Well, then, how’s he going to take the sea baths if it ain’t on
“Well, then how is he supposed to take a sea bath if it
the sea?”
isn’t on the sea?”
“Looky here,” I says; “did you ever see any Congress-
“Look here,” I said. “Have you ever seen Congress
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water?”
water?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Well, did you have to go to Congress to get it?”
“Well, did you have to Congress to get it?”
“Why, no.”
“Well, no.”
“Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the sea to
get a sea bath.”
“Well, neither does William IV have to go to the sea to
get a sea bath.”
“How does he get it, then?”
“How does he get it then?”
“Gets it the way people down here gets Congress-water—in
“He gets it the same way people down here get
barrels. There in the palace at Sheffield they’ve got
furnaces, and he wants his water hot. They can’t bile that
Congress water—in barrels. There are furnaces in his
palace in Sheffield, and he likes his baths hot. They
amount of water away off there at the sea. They haven’t got
no conveniences for it.”
can’t boil that much water that far away from the sea—
they don’t have the technological capability to do that.”
“Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first place and
saved time.”
“Oh, I get it. You could have said that in the first place
and saved time.”
Chapter 26: Page 2
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When she said that I see I was out of the woods again, and
so I was comfortable and glad. Next, she says:
After she said that, I knew I’d gotten out of the
predicament I’d been in. I was glad and felt more at
ease. Then, she said:
“Do you go to church, too?”
“Do you go to church, too?”
“Yes—regular.”
“Yes—regularly.”
“Where do you set?”
“Where do you sit?”
“Why, in our pew.”
“Why, in our pew, of course.”
“WHOSE pew?”
“WHOSE pew?”
“Why, OURN—your Uncle Harvey’s.”
“OURS—your Uncle Harvey’s”
“His’n? What does HE want with a pew?”
“HIS? What does HE want with a pew?”
“Wants it to set in. What did you RECKON he wanted with
it?”
“He wants to sit in it. What do you THINK he’d want it
for?”
“Why, I thought he’d be in the pulpit.”
“Well, I thought he’d be in the pulpit.”
Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up a stump
Darn him, I’d forgotten he was a preacher. I saw that I
again, so I played another chicken bone and got another
think. Then I says:
was in a fix again, so I pretended to choke on another
chicken bone and took another drink. Then I said:
“Blame it, do you suppose there ain’t but one preacher to a
church?”
“Darn it, do you think there’s only one preacher for
each church?”
“Why, what do they want with more?”
“Why would they want more than one?”
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“What!—to preach before a king? I never did see such a girl
as you. They don’t have no less than seventeen.”
“What? To preach of for a king! I never saw such a girl
as you. They don’t have any fewer than seventeen
preachers.”
“Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn’t set out such a string
“Seventeen! My word! Why, I wouldn’t be able to sit
as that, not if I NEVER got to glory. It must take ’em a
week.”
there and listen to them all, even if it did mean I
couldn’t go to heaven. It must take them a whole week
to finish the service.”
“Shucks, they don’t ALL of ’em preach the same day—only
“Shucks, they don’t ALL preach on the same day—
ONE of ’em.”
only one of them does.”
“Well, then, what does the rest of ’em do?”
“Well, then, what do the rest of them do?”
“Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pass the plate—and one
thing or another. But mainly they don’t do nothing.”
“Oh, not much. They sit around, pass the collection
plate, that kind of stuff. But usually they don’t do
anything.”
“Well, then, what are they FOR?”
“Well then what are they there FOR?”
“Why, they’re for STYLE. Don’t you know nothing?”
“Why, they’re there for STYLE. Don’t you know
anything?”
“Well, I don’t WANT to know no such foolishness as that.
How is servants treated in England? Do they treat ’em better
“Well, I don’t WANT anything to do with such
foolishness as that. How are servants treated in
’n we treat our niggers?”
England? Do they treat them better than we treat our
n------?”
“NO! A servant ain’t nobody there. They treat them worse
than dogs.”
“NO! A servant isn’t anybody there. They treat them
worse than dogs.”
“Don’t they give ’em holidays, the way we do, Christmas and
New Year’s week, and Fourth of July?”
“Don’t they give them holidays, the way we do?
Christmas and New Year’s week, and the Fourth of
July?”
“Oh, just listen! A body could tell YOU hain’t ever been to
“Listen to you! Anyone could tell YOU haven’t ever
England by that. Why, Hare-l—why, Joanna, they never see
a holiday from year’s end to year’s end; never go to the
been to England just by the way you talk. Why,
Hare—Joanna—the servants there don’t get a holiday
circus, nor theater, nor nigger shows, nor nowheres.”
all year. They never go to the circus, or the theater, no
n----- shows, not anywhere.”
“Nor church?”
“Not even church?”
“Nor church.”
“Not even church.”
“But YOU always went to church.”
“But YOU always go to church.”
Well, I was gone up again. I forgot I was the old man’s
Well, I was up a creek again. I forgot I was the old
servant. But next minute I whirled in on a kind of an
explanation how a valley was different from a common
man’s servant. But in a minute, I came up with the
explanation that a valet was different from an ordinary
servant and HAD to go to church whether he wanted to or
not, and set with the family, on account of its being the law.
servant and HAD to go to church and sit with the
family whether he wanted to or not. It was the law. But
But I didn’t do it pretty good, and when I got done I see she
I didn’t explain it very well, and when I finished I could
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warn’t satisfied. She says:
see that she wasn’t satisfied. She said:
“Honest injun, now, hain’t you been telling me a lot of lies?”
“Honestly now—have you been telling me a lot of
lies?”
“Honest injun,” says I.
“Honestly, I haven’t.”
“None of it at all?”
“None at all?”
“None of it at all. Not a lie in it,” says I.
“None at all. There wasn’t a lie in anything of it,” I said.
“Lay your hand on this book and say it.”
“Put your hand on this book and swear.”
I see it warn’t nothing but a dictionary, so I laid my hand on it
I saw that it wasn’t anything but a dictionary, so I put
and said it. So then she looked a little better satisfied, and
says:
my hand on it and swore that I was telling the truth.
She look a little more satisfied and said:
“Well, then, I’ll believe some of it; but I hope to gracious if I’ll
believe the rest.”
“Well then, I believe some of it. But I really don’t
believe all of it.”
“What is it you won’t believe, Joe?” says Mary Jane,
stepping in with Susan behind her. “It ain’t right nor kind for
“What don’t you believe, Jo?” asked Mary Jane as she
stepped in with Susan behind her. “It isn’t right or kind
you to talk so to him, and him a stranger and so far from his
people. How would you like to be treated so?”
of you to talk like that to him, especially since he’s a
stranger and so far from his people. How would you
like to be treated that way?”
“That’s always your way, Maim—always sailing in to help
“You always do that, Maim—always sailing in to help
somebody before they’re hurt. I hain’t done nothing to him.
He’s told some stretchers, I reckon, and I said I wouldn’t
someone before they’re hurt. I haven’t done anything
to him. He’s been exaggerating, I think, and I said I
swallow it all; and that’s every bit and grain I DID say. I
reckon he can stand a little thing like that, can’t he?”
wouldn’t believe all of what he said. And that’s all I
said. I figure he can tolerate a little thing like that, can’t
he?”
“I don’t care whether ’twas little or whether ’twas big; he’s
“I don’t care whether it was little or whether it was
here in our house and a stranger, and it wasn’t good of you
to say it. If you was in his place it would make you feel
big—he’s a stranger here in our house, and it wasn’t
good of you to say it. If you were in his place it would
ashamed; and so you oughtn’t to say a thing to another
person that will make THEM feel ashamed.”
make you feel ashamed. And so you ought not to say
a thing to another person that will make THEM feel
ashamed.”
“Why, Maim, he said—”
“But, Maim, he said….”
“It don’t make no difference what he SAID—that ain’t the
thing. The thing is for you to treat him KIND, and not be
“It doesn’t make any different what he SAID—that isn’t
the point. The point is for you to treat him KINDLY and
saying things to make him remember he ain’t in his own
country and amongst his own folks.”
to not say things that remind him that he isn’t in his
own ountry and among his own people.”
I says to myself, THIS is a girl that I’m letting that old reptle
rob her of her money!
I thought to myself, THIS is the girl that I’m letting that
old reptile rob!
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Then Susan SHE waltzed in; and if you’ll believe me, she
did give Hare-lip hark from the tomb!
Then Susan chimed in and gave Harelip a chewing
out that would raise the dead, if you can believe it.
Says I to myself, and this is ANOTHER one that I’m letting
him rob her of her money!
So I thought to myself, this is ANOTHER girl that I’m
letting him rob!
Then Mary Jane she took another inning, and went in sweet
and lovely again—which was her way; but when she got
Then Mary Jane started in again, though sweetly and
lovingly this time, which was just her way. When she
done there warn’t hardly anything left o’ poor Hare-lip. So
she hollered.
finished, there was hardly anything left of poor Harelip,
who’d started crying.
“All right, then,” says the other girls; “you just ask his
pardon.”
“All right, then,” said Mary Jane and Susan. “Just ask
him for forgiveness.”
She done it, too; and she done it beautiful. She done it so
beautiful it was good to hear; and I wished I could tell her a
She did so, and she did it beautifully. It was really nice
to hear. I wish I could tell her a thousand lies so that
thousand lies, so she could do it again.
she could apologize again.
I says to myself, this is ANOTHER one that I’m letting him
I said to myself again, this is ANOTHER one that I’m
rob her of her money. And when she got through they all jest
laid theirselves out to make me feel at home and know I was
letting him rob. And when she finished apologizing, all
three girls relaxed to make me feel comfortable and let
amongst friends. I felt so ornery and low down and mean
that I says to myself, my mind’s made up; I’ll hive that
me know that I was among friends. I felt so awful and
low and miserable that I made up my mind to steal
money for them or bust.
that money back for them or go down trying.
So then I lit out—for bed, I said, meaning some time or
So I headed off. I said I was going to bed, meaning I
another. When I got by myself I went to thinking the thing
over. I says to myself, shall I go to that doctor, private, and
would be going to bed eventually. When I was alone, I
started thinking things over. I asked myself if I should
blow on these frauds? No—that won’t do. He might tell who
told him; then the king and the duke would make it warm for
go see the doctor privately and tell on these frauds.
No, that wouldn’t do. He might reveal who told him,
me. Shall I go, private, and tell Mary Jane? No—I dasn’t do
it. Her face would give them a hint, sure; they’ve got the
and then the king and duke would come after me.
Shall I go and tell Mary Jane in private? No—it would
money, and they’d slide right out and get away with it. If she
was to fetch in help I’d get mixed up in the business before it
be too risky to do it. Her face would surely give her
away. They had the money, and they’d just skip out
was done with, I judge. No; there ain’t no good way but one.
I got to steal that money, somehow; and I got to steal it
and run off with it. And, if she were to send for help, I’d
get mixed up in the whole business before it was done
some way that they won’t suspicion that I done it. They’ve
got a good thing here, and they ain’t a-going to leave till
with, that’s for sure. No, there was only one way to
resolve this. I had to steal that money somehow. I had
they’ve played this family and this town for all they’re worth,
so I’ll find a chance time enough. I’ll steal it and hide it; and
to steal it in a way that wouldn’t bring suspicion upon
myself. I knew I had time to do it, too, since the king
by and by, when I’m away down the river, I’ll write a letter
and tell Mary Jane where it’s hid. But I better hive it tonight if
and the duke had a good thing going here, and they
weren’t about to leave til they’d played this family and
I can, because the doctor maybe hasn’t let up as much as
he lets on he has; he might scare them out of here yet.
this town for all they were worth. I would steal it and
hide it and, after I’d made my way down the river, I’d
write a letter and tell Mary Jane where it was hidden.
But I figured I should steal it that night, if I could,
because the doctor hadn’t given up as he had let on.
He might scare the king and the duke out of town.
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So, thinks I, I’ll go and search them rooms. Upstairs the hall
was dark, but I found the duke’s room, and started to paw
So, I thought to myself, I’ll go and search those rooms.
The hall upstairs was dark, but I found the duke’s
around it with my hands; but I recollected it wouldn’t be
much like the king to let anybody else take care of that
room and started groping around in there with with my
hands. Then I figured that it wasn’t the king’s style to
money but his own self; so then I went to his room and
begun to paw around there. But I see I couldn’t do nothing
let anyone else take care of that money. So I went to
his room and began to poke around in there. I couldn’t
without a candle, and I dasn’t light one, of course. So I
judged I’d got to do the other thing—lay for them and
see anything without a candle, though, and it was
definitely too risky to light one. I settled for another
eavesdrop. About that time I hears their footsteps coming,
and was going to skip under the bed; I reached for it, but it
option—wait for them to show up and eavesdrop. Just
then I heard their footsteps. I was going to slide under
wasn’t where I thought it would be; but I touched the curtain
that hid Mary Jane’s frocks, so I jumped in behind that and
the bed, but when I reached out for it, I found it wasn’t
where I thought it would be. Instead, I touched the
snuggled in amongst the gowns, and stood there perfectly
still.
curtain that hid Mary Jane’s frocks, so I jumped
behind it, snuggled in amongst the gowns, and stood
perfectly still.
They come in and shut the door; and the first thing the duke
They came in and shut the door. The first thing the
done was to get down and look under the bed. Then I was
glad I hadn’t found the bed when I wanted it. And yet, you
duke did was to get down on the floor and look under
the bed, which made me glad I hadn’t found the bed
know, it’s kind of natural to hide under the bed when you are
up to anything private. They sets down then, and the king
when I wanted it. Then again, it’s kind of natural to
hide under the bed when you’re trying to hide. They
says:
sat down, and the king said:
“Well, what is it? And cut it middlin’ short, because it’s better
“Well, what is it? Keep this pretty short, because it’s
for us to be down there a-whoopin’ up the mournin’ than up
here givin’ ’em a chance to talk us over.”
better for us to be down there crying and mourning,
rather than up here giving them a chance to talk about
us.”
“Well, this is it, Capet. I ain’t easy; I ain’t comfortable. That
“Well, here it is, Capet. It isn’t easy—I’m not
doctor lays on my mind. I wanted to know your plans. I’ve
got a notion, and I think it’s a sound one.”
comfortable. I’ve been thinking about that doctor. I
want to know what your plan is. I’ve got an idea
myself, and I think it’s a solid one.”
“What is it, duke?”
“What’s your idea, duke?”
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“That we better glide out of this before three in the morning,
and clip it down the river with what we’ve got. Specially,
“I’m thinking we better get out of here before three in
the morning, and run to the river with what we’ve
seeing we got it so easy—GIVEN back to us, flung at our
heads, as you may say, when of course we allowed to have
already gotten out of them. Especially since we got it
so easily—it was GIVEN back to us, thrown at our
to steal it back. I’m for knocking off and lighting out.”
heads you could say, even though we’d planned to
steal it back. I’m for calling it quits and taking off.”
That made me feel pretty bad. About an hour or two ago it
would a been a little different, but now it made me feel bad
That made me feel pretty bad. It would have been
different about an hour or two ago, but now I felt really
and disappointed, The king rips out and says:
bad and disappointed. The king got angry and said:
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“What! And not sell out the rest o’ the property? March off
like a passel of fools and leave eight or nine thous’n’ dollars’
“What! And not sell the rest of the property? March off
like a bunch of fools and leave eight or nine thousand
worth o’ property layin’ around jest sufferin’ to be scooped
in?—and all good, salable stuff, too.”
dollars worth of property lying around just begging to
be scooped up? It’s all good, salable stuff, too.”
The duke he grumbled; said the bag of gold was enough,
and he didn’t want to go no deeper—didn’t want to rob a lot
The duke grumbled. He said the bag of gold was
enough. He didn’t want to go any further. He didn’t
of orphans of EVERYTHING they had.
want to rob those orphans of EVERYTHING they had.
“Why, how you talk!” says the king. “We sha’n’t rob ’em of
“Listen to yourself!” said the king. “We’re not robbing
nothing at all but jest this money. The people that BUYS the
property is the suff’rers; because as soon ’s it’s found out ’at
them of anything except this money. The people that
BUY the stuff are the ones that are going to suffer,
we didn’t own it—which won’t be long after we’ve slid—the
sale won’t be valid, and it ’ll all go back to the estate. These
because as soon as they find out we didn’t own it—
which won’t be long after we’ve run off—the sale won’t
yer orphans ’ll git their house back agin, and that’s enough
for THEM; they’re young and spry, and k’n easy earn a livin’.
be valid and it’ll all go back to the estate. These
orphans will get there house back, and that’s good
THEY ain’t a-goin to suffer. Why, jest think—there’s
thous’n’s and thous’n’s that ain’t nigh so well off. Bless you,
enough for THEM. They’re young and spry and can
easily earn a living. THEY aren’t going to suffer. Why,
THEY ain’t got noth’n’ to complain of.”
just think—there are thousands and thousand of
people that aren’t as well off as them. I tell you, THEY
won’t have anything to complain about.”
Well, the king he talked him blind; so at last he give in, and
Well, the king talked and talked, and the duke finally
said all right, but said he believed it was blamed foolishness
to stay, and that doctor hanging over them. But the king
gave in. He said all right, but that he believed it was
foolish to stay, especially with the doctoring looming
says:
over them. But the king said:
“Cuss the doctor! What do we k’yer for HIM? Hain’t we got
“Curse the doctor! What do you care about HIM for?
all the fools in town on our side? And ain’t that a big enough
majority in any town?”
Didn’t we get all the fools in town on our side? And
isn’t that a big enough majority in any town?”
So they got ready to go down stairs again. The duke says:
So they got ready to go downstairs again. The duke
said:
“I don’t think we put that money in a good place.”
“I don’t think we put that money in a good enough
place.”
That cheered me up. I’d begun to think I warn’t going to get
a hint of no kind to help me. The king says:
That cheered me up, since I’d begun to think they
weren’t going to drop a hint about that. The king said:
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Because Mary Jane ’ll be in mourning from this out; and
“Because Mary Jane will be in mourning from this
first you know the nigger that does up the rooms will get an
order to box these duds up and put ’em away; and do you
point on. First, you know the n----- that cleans up
these rooms will be told to box up these clothes and
reckon a nigger can run across money and not borrow some
of it?”
put them away. And do you think a n----- can run
across money and not take some of it?”
“Your head’s level agin, duke,” says the king; and he comes
a-fumbling under the curtain two or three foot from where I
“Now you’re thinking straight again, duke,” said the
king. He came over and fumbled around with the
was. I stuck tight to the wall and kept mighty still, though
curtain two or three feet from where I was. I pressed
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quivery; and I wondered what them fellows would say to me
if they catched me; and I tried to think what I’d better do if
myself against the wall and kept still, though I was
shaking. I wondered what those fellows would say if
they did catch me. But the king he got the bag before I could
think more than about a half a thought, and he never
they caught me, and I tried to think of what I’d do if
they did. But the king grabbed and pulled out the bag
suspicioned I was around. They took and shoved the bag
through a rip in the straw tick that was under the feather-
before I could think even half a thought. He never
even suspsected that I was there. They shoved the
bed, and crammed it in a foot or two amongst the straw and
said it was all right now, because a nigger only makes up
bag through a rip in the straw mattress under the
featherbed, and crammed it in a foot or two into the
the feather-bed, and don’t turn over the straw tick only about
twice a year, and so it warn’t in no danger of getting stole
straw. They figured that would be all right and no
longer in danger of being stolen because a n----- only
now.
makes up the featherbed—and they only turn over the
mattress about twice a year.
But I knowed better. I had it out of there before they was
half-way down stairs. I groped along up to my cubby, and
But I knew better. I had the bag out of there before
they were halfway down the stairs. I groped along up
hid it there till I could get a chance to do better. I judged I
better hide it outside of the house somewheres, because if
the stairs to my nook in the attic, and hid the money
there until I could get a chance to find a better hiding
they missed it they would give the house a good ransacking:
I knowed that very well. Then I turned in, with my clothes all
place. I figured I’d better hide it somewhere outside
the house, because if they’d ransack the house if they
on; but I couldn’t a gone to sleep if I’d a wanted to, I was in
such a sweat to get through with the business. By and by I
realized it was missing—I knew that for sure. Then I
went to bed with all my clothes still on. But I couldn’t
heard the king and the duke come up; so I rolled off my
pallet and laid with my chin at the top of my ladder, and
have gotten to sleep if I wanted to. I was so anxious to
get through with this business. Pretty soon I heard the
waited to see if anything was going to happen. But nothing
did.
king and the duke come upstairs, so I rolled off my
pallet and laid with my chin at the top of my ladder,
waiting to see if anything was going to happen. But
nothing did.
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So I held on till all the late sounds had quit and the early
ones hadn’t begun yet; and then I slipped down the ladder.
So I waited until all the sounds of the night had
stopped, but before the sounds of the early morning
had begun. Then I slipped down the ladder.
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I CREPT to their doors and listened; they was snoring. So I
I crept to their doors and listened—they were snoring.
tiptoed along, and got down stairs all right. There warn’t a
sound anywheres. I peeped through a crack of the dining-
So I tiptoed along and down the stairs safely. The
house was so quiet—you couldn’t hear a sound. I
room door, and see the men that was watching the corpse
all sound asleep on their chairs. The door was open into the
peeped through a crack in the dining room door and
saw that the men who were watching the corpse had
parlor, where the corpse was laying, and there was a candle
in both rooms. I passed along, and the parlor door was
all fallen asleep on their chairs. The door that led into
the parlor, where the corpse was laying, was open.
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open; but I see there warn’t nobody in there but the
remainders of Peter; so I shoved on by; but the front door
Each room had a candle. I continued on through the
door and into the parlor. There wasn’t anyone there;
was locked, and the key wasn’t there. Just then I heard
somebody coming down the stairs, back behind me. I run in
only Peter’s remains. I kept going to the front door, but
it was locked and there was no key. Just then I heard
the parlor and took a swift look around, and the only place I
see to hide the bag was in the coffin. The lid was shoved
someone coming down the stairs behind me. I ran to
the parlor, took a quick look around, and saw that the
along about a foot, showing the dead man’s face down in
there, with a wet cloth over it, and his shroud on. I tucked
only place to hide the bag was in the coffin. The lid
was shoved down part way so you could see the dead
the money-bag in under the lid, just down beyond where his
hands was crossed, which made me creep, they was so
man’s face with a wet cloth over it and the shroud he
was wearing. I tucked the bag of money in under the
cold, and then I run back across the room and in behind the
door.
lid, just beyond where his hands were crossed. The
hands creeped me out because they were so cold.
Then I ran back across the room and hid behind the
door.
The person coming was Mary Jane. She went to the coffin,
very soft, and kneeled down and looked in; then she put up
The person who’d come down the stairs was Mary
Jane. She went to the coffin very quietly, kneeled
her handkerchief, and I see she begun to cry, though I
couldn’t hear her, and her back was to me. I slid out, and as
down, and looked in. Then she put her handkerchief to
her eyes, and I could see that she had started crying. I
I passed the dining-room I thought I’d make sure them
watchers hadn’t seen me; so I looked through the crack, and
couldn’t hear her, though, because her back was to
me. I slid out from my hiding spot. As I passed the
everything was all right. They hadn’t stirred.
dining room, I double checked to make sure the two
men watching the body hadn’t seen me. I look through
the crack, and everything looked okay—they hadn’t
stirred at all.
I slipped up to bed, feeling ruther blue, on accounts of the
thing playing out that way after I had took so much trouble
I snuck upstairs and back to bed. I was feeling kind of
down about the way things turned out after I’d gone to
and run so much resk about it. Says I, if it could stay where
it is, all right; because when we get down the river a
so much trouble and risk. It’s okay if the money bag
stays were it is, I told myself, because I can write to
hundred mile or two I could write back to Mary Jane, and
she could dig him up again and get it; but that ain’t the thing
Mary Jane after we get down the river one or two
hundred miles. She can dig him up again and get the
that’s going to happen; the thing that’s going to happen is,
the money ’ll be found when they come to screw on the lid.
money. But that probably wasn’t going to happen.
What would happen is the money will be found when
Then the king ’ll get it again, and it ’ll be a long day before
he gives anybody another chance to smouch it from him. Of
they screw on the coffin lid. Then the king will get the
money again, and it’ll be a long time before there will
course I WANTED to slide down and get it out of there, but I
dasn’t try it. Every minute it was getting earlier now, and
ever be another opportunity to steal it from him. Of
course, I WANTED to slip back downstairs and get the
pretty soon some of them watchers would begin to stir, and I
might get catched—catched with six thousand dollars in my
money back out of the coffin, but I knew I shouldn’t try
it. Morning was approaching with every minute and
hands that nobody hadn’t hired me to take care of. I don’t
wish to be mixed up in no such business as that, I says to
pretty soon some of those men downstairs would
begin to wake. If I tried, I might get caught—caught
myself.
with six thousand dollars in my hands that no one had
put me in charge of. I don’t want to be mixed up in
anything like that, I told myself.
When I got down stairs in the morning the parlor was shut
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up, and the watchers was gone. There warn’t nobody
around but the family and the widow Bartley and our tribe. I
shut up and the sentries were gone. There wasn’t
anyone around except for the family, the widow
watched their faces to see if anything had been happening,
but I couldn’t tell.
Bartley, our group. I watched their faces to see if
anything unsual was going on, but I couldn’t tell.
Towards the middle of the day the undertaker come with his
man, and they set the coffin in the middle of the room on a
The undertaker came with his assistant around noon,
and they put the coffin in the middle of the room on a
couple of chairs, and then set all our chairs in rows, and
borrowed more from the neighbors till the hall and the parlor
couple of chairs. Then they put all the chairs in rows.
They borrowed some more chairs from the neighbors
and the dining-room was full. I see the coffin lid was the way
it was before, but I dasn’t go to look in under it, with folks
until they had filled the hall, parlor, and dining room. I
saw that the coffin lid was still partly closed, like it had
around.
been before, but I couldn’t risk looking under it with
everyone around.
Then the people begun to flock in, and the beats and the
girls took seats in the front row at the head of the coffin, and
People began flocking in. The women and the girls
took seats in the front row at the head of coffin. For
for a half an hour the people filed around slow, in single
rank, and looked down at the dead man’s face a minute, and
the next half hour, people came in slowly, in single file,
and looked down at the dead man’s face for a minute.
some dropped in a tear, and it was all very still and solemn,
only the girls and the beats holding handkerchiefs to their
The girls and women kept their heads bent with
handkerchiefs held to their eyes as they cried. It was
eyes and keeping their heads bent, and sobbing a little.
There warn’t no other sound but the scraping of the feet on
all very still and solemn. The only other sounds were
for the scraping of feet on the floor and the blowing of
the floor and blowing noses—because people always blows
them more at a funeral than they do at other places except
noses. People always seem to blow their noses more
at funerals than they do at other places, except
church.
church.
When the place was packed full the undertaker he slid
When the room was packed full, the undertaker in his
around in his black gloves with his softy soothering ways,
putting on the last touches, and getting people and things all
black gloves moved silently around the room, soothing
people, putting on the last touches, and getting people
ship-shape and comfortable, and making no more sound
than a cat. He never spoke; he moved people around, he
and things settled and comfortable. He never spoke,
but used nods and hand signals to move people
squeezed in late ones, he opened up passageways, and
done it with nods, and signs with his hands. Then he took
around, squeeze in late comers, and open up
passageways. Then he took his place over against the
his place over against the wall. He was the softest,
glidingest, stealthiest man I ever see; and there warn’t no
wall. He was the softest, stealthiest man I’ve ever
seen, and he didn’t even have a smile on his face
more smile to him than there is to a ham.
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They had borrowed a melodeum—a sick one; and when
Someone had borrowed a melodeun—a pretty awful
everything was ready a young woman set down and worked
it, and it was pretty skreeky and colicky, and everybody
one. When everything was ready, a young woman sat
down and started playing it. It shrieked a lot and
joined in and sung, and Peter was the only one that had a
good thing, according to my notion. Then the Reverend
sounded like a crying baby, but everyone joined in and
sang. Peter was the lucky one, if you ask me. Then
Hobson opened up, slow and solemn, and begun to talk;
and straight off the most outrageous row busted out in the
the Reverend Hobson began to talk slowly and
solemnly. Just then, the loudest noise anyone had
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cellar a body ever heard; it was only one dog, but he made a
most powerful racket, and he kept it up right along; the
ever heard came up from out of the cellar. It was only
a dog, but he barked so loudly you couldn’t hear
parson he had to stand there, over the coffin, and wait—you
couldn’t hear yourself think. It was right down awkward, and
yourself think. The parson had to just stand over the
body and wait. The whole situation was pretty
nobody didn’t seem to know what to do. But pretty soon they
see that long-legged undertaker make a sign to the preacher
awkward, and no one seemed to know what to do.
Pretty soon, though, the long-legged undertaker
as much as to say, “Don’t you worry—just depend on me.”
Then he stooped down and begun to glide along the wall,
signaled to the preacher as if to say, “Don’t worry
about—I’ll take care of it.” Then he bent down and
just his shoulders showing over the people’s heads. So he
glided along, and the powwow and racket getting more and
began to glide along the wall, so that only his
shoulders showed above people’s heads. He glided
more outrageous all the time; and at last, when he had gone
around two sides of the room, he disappears down cellar.
along as the barking got louder and louder until he’d
made his way along two walls and disappeared down
Then in about two seconds we heard a whack, and the dog
he finished up with a most amazing howl or two, and then
into the cellar. In a couple seconds we heard a loud
whack followed by a final howl or two from the dog
everything was dead still, and the parson begun his solemn
talk where he left off. In a minute or two here comes this
before everything was dead still. Then the parson
picked up his sermon again right where he’d left off.
undertaker’s back and shoulders gliding along the wall
again; and so he glided and glided around three sides of the
The undertaker’s shoulders appeared gliding along
the wall in another minute or two, and he continued
room, and then rose up, and shaded his mouth with his
hands, and stretched his neck out towards the preacher,
gliding around three sides of the room. Then he rose
up, covered his mouth with his hand, craned his neck
over the people’s heads, and says, in a kind of a coarse
whisper, “HE HAD A RAT!” Then he drooped down and
toward the preacher over people’s heads and said in
kind of a coarse whisper, “He had a rat!” Then he
glided along the wall again to his place. You could see it
was a great satisfaction to the people, because naturally
dropped back down and glided along the wall again to
his place. You could see everyone was satisfied with
they wanted to know. A little thing like that don’t cost
nothing, and it’s just the little things that makes a man to be
that, since they’d all wanted to know why the dog had
been barking so loudly. A little touch like that doesn’t
looked up to and liked. There warn’t no more popular man in
town than what that undertaker was.
take much effort, but it’s those little touches that earn
people’s admiration and respect. That was why there
wasn’t a more popular man in town than the
undertaker.
Well, the funeral sermon was very good, but pison long and
tiresome; and then the king he shoved in and got off some
Well, the final sermon was very good, but it was really
long and tiresome. When it was over, the king barged
of his usual rubbage, and at last the job was through, and
the undertaker begun to sneak up on the coffin with his
in and spouted some of his usual garbage. Then that
was it. The undertaker began to sneak up on the coffin
screw-driver. I was in a sweat then, and watched him pretty
keen. But he never meddled at all; just slid the lid along as
with his screwdriver. I was getting pretty nervous, and
I watched him closely to see what would happen. He
soft as mush, and screwed it down tight and fast. So there I
was! I didn’t know whether the money was in there or not.
didn’t mess around with anything at all, though. He
just slid the lid on quickly and easily and screwed it
So, says I, s’pose somebody has hogged that bag on the
sly?—now how do I know whether to write to Mary Jane or
down tightly. And that was that! I didn’t know whether
the money was in there or not. Suppose, I said to
not? S’pose she dug him up and didn’t find nothing, what
would she think of me? Blame it, I says, I might get hunted
myself, someone has taken the bag without anyone
else knowing it? How could I know whether I should
up and jailed; I’d better lay low and keep dark, and not write
at all; the thing’s awful mixed now; trying to better it, I’ve
write to Mary Jane or not? Suppose she dug him up
and didn’t find anything. What would she think of me
worsened it a hundred times, and I wish to goodness I’d just
then? Shoot, they might come after me and throw me
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in jail. I’d better just keep quiet and not write anything
at all, I said to myself. Everything’s all messed up now.
let it alone, dad fetch the whole business!
I tried to make it better and just messed it up even
more. I wished to goodness that I’d just let things be.
Darn it all!
They buried him, and we come back home, and I went to
They buried him, and we went back home. I started
watching faces again—I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t rest
easy. But nothing come of it; the faces didn’t tell me nothing.
watching everyone’s face again, because I just
couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t relax. Nothing more
came of it, though—the faces didn’t tell me anything.
The king he visited around in the evening, and sweetened
The king visited with everyone that evening and
everybody up, and made himself ever so friendly; and he
give out the idea that his congregation over in England
lightened the mood with his friendliness. He said he
had to settle up the rest of the estate immediately and
would be in a sweat about him, so he must hurry and settle
up the estate right away and leave for home. He was very
head back to England because his subjects back
home would be worried about him. He and everyone
sorry he was so pushed, and so was everybody; they
wished he could stay longer, but they said they could see it
else were very sorry that he was so pressed for time.
Everyone wanted him to stay longer, but they
couldn’t be done. And he said of course him and William
would take the girls home with them; and that pleased
understood that it wasn’t possible. Of course, he said
that he and William would take the girls home with
everybody too, because then the girls would be well fixed
and amongst their own relations; and it pleased the girls,
them. That made everyone happy too, because then
the girls would be well taken care of and among
too—tickled them so they clean forgot they ever had a
trouble in the world; and told him to sell out as quick as he
family. It pleased the girls too—pleased them so
much, in fact, that they forgot everything bad that had
wanted to, they would be ready. Them poor things was that
glad and happy it made my heart ache to see them getting
happened. They told him that he could settle his
business as quickly as he wanted to, because they
fooled and lied to so, but I didn’t see no safe way for me to
chip in and change the general tune.
were ready to go. The poor things were so happy to
go back that it made my heart ache to see them
getting fooled and lied to. I didn’t see a safe way for
me to tell them the truth, though.
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Well, blamed if the king didn’t bill the house and the niggers
and all the property for auction straight off—sale two days
Well, darned it if the king didn’t prepare to auction the
house and the n------ and all the property just two days
after the funeral; but anybody could buy private beforehand
if they wanted to.
after the funeral. Anybody could buy anything from
him privately beforehand if they wanted to.
So the next day after the funeral, along about noon-time, the
girls’ joy got the first jolt. A couple of nigger traders come
The girl’s bubble started to burst around noon the day
after the funeral. A couple of n----- traders came along
along, and the king sold them the niggers reasonable, for
three-day drafts as they called it, and away they went, the
and the king sold his n------ to them for a reasonable
price. The buyers wrote a check, and away they went.
two sons up the river to Memphis, and their mother down
the river to Orleans. I thought them poor girls and them
Two sons were sold up the river to work in Memphis
and their mother was sold down the river to New
niggers would break their hearts for grief; they cried around
each other, and took on so it most made me down sick to
Orleans. I thought the girls and the n-----’s hearts were
going to break out of grief. They cried and carried on
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see it. The girls said they hadn’t ever dreamed of seeing the
family separated or sold away from the town. I can’t ever get
so much that it made me down right sick to watch. The
girls said they never dreamed of seeing the family
it out of my memory, the sight of them poor miserable girls
and niggers hanging around each other’s necks and crying;
separated or sold to out-of-towners. I will never forget
the sight of those poor miserable girls and n------
and I reckon I couldn’t a stood it all, but would a had to bust
out and tell on our gang if I hadn’t knowed the sale warn’t no
hugging each other and crying. I probably wouldn’t
have been able to stand it, and would have ratted out
account and the niggers would be back home in a week or
two.
our whole gang, if I hadn’t known that the sale wasn’t
legal and that the n------ would be back home in a
week or two.
The thing made a big stir in the town, too, and a good many
The sale caused major controversy in town and
come out flatfooted and said it was scandalous to separate
the mother and the children that way. It injured the frauds
prompted many people to put their feet down in
protest because it was so scandalous to separate the
some; but the old fool he bulled right along, spite of all the
duke could say or do, and I tell you the duke was powerful
mother and children that way. It hurt the reputation of
the king and the duke, but the king played along,
uneasy.
despite the duke’s protests. You could tell the duke
was getting pretty uneasy.
Next day was auction day. About broad day in the morning
the king and the duke come up in the garret and woke me
The auction was held the day after. The king and the
duke came up to the attic around mid morning and
up, and I see by their look that there was trouble. The king
says:
woke me up. I could see by the look on their faces that
there was trouble. The king said:
“Was you in my room night before last?”
“Were you in my room the night before last?”
“No, your majesty"—which was the way I always called him
“No, your majesty,” which is what I always called him
when nobody but our gang warn’t around.
when no one except the people in our little group were
around.
“Was you in there yisterday er last night?”
“Were you in there yesterday, er, I mean, last night?”
“No, your majesty.”
“No, your majesty.”
“Honor bright, now—no lies.”
“Be honest now—don’t lie.”
“Honor bright, your majesty, I’m telling you the truth. I hain’t
“Honestly, your majesty. I’m telling you the truth. I
been a-near your room since Miss Mary Jane took you and
the duke and showed it to you.”
haven’t been near your room since Miss Mary Jane
showed it to you and the duke.”
The duke says:
The duke said:
“Have you seen anybody else go in there?”
“Have you seen anyone else go in there?”
“No, your grace, not as I remember, I believe.”
“No, your grace. Not that I remember anyway.”
“Stop and think.”
“Stop and think.”
I studied awhile and see my chance; then I says:
I thought about it awhile, and saw the opportunity I
was looking for. I said:
“Well, I see the niggers go in there several times.”
“Well, I’ve seen the n------ go in there several times.”
Both of them gave a little jump, and looked like they hadn’t
Both of them jumped a little bit, completely caught off
ever expected it, and then like they HAD. Then the duke
guard. Then they acted like they expected that to be
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says:
my answer. The duke said:
“What, all of them?”
“What do you mean? All of them?”
“No—leastways, not all at once—that is, I don’t think I ever
see them all come OUT at once but just one time.”
“No. Well, not all at the same time, anyways. I think
there was only one time when I saw them all come
OUT at the same time.”
“Hello! When was that?”
“A-ha! When was that?”
“It was the day we had the funeral. In the morning. It warn’t
early, because I overslept. I was just starting down the
“It was in the morning on the day of the funeral. I’d
overslept, so it wasn’t too early. I was just coming
ladder, and I see them.”
down the ladder when I saw them.”
“Well, go on, GO on! What did they do? How’d they act?”
“Well, go on, go on! What did they do? How were they
acting?”
“They didn’t do nothing. And they didn’t act anyway much,
“They weren’t doing anything. And they weren’t acting
as fur as I see. They tiptoed away; so I seen, easy enough,
that they’d shoved in there to do up your majesty’s room, or
strangely as far as I could tell. They tiptoed away. It
looked to me as if they’d gone in to clean up your
something, s’posing you was up; and found you WARN’T
up, and so they was hoping to slide out of the way of trouble
majesty’s room, thinking you were awake, but slipped
quietly when they found you still in bed. They didn’t
without waking you up, if they hadn’t already waked you up.”
want to wake you up and get in any trouble.”
“Great guns, THIS is a go!” says the king; and both of them
“My god! That’s it!” said the king. Both of them looked
looked pretty sick and tolerable silly. They stood there athinking and scratching their heads a minute, and the duke
pretty sick, and pretty silly too. They stood there a
minute thinking and scratching their heads. The duke
he bust into a kind of a little raspy chuckle, and says:
finally burst into kind of a raspy chuckle, and said:
“It does beat all how neat the niggers played their hand.
“Those n------ played their hand pretty well. They
They let on to be SORRY they was going out of this region!
And I believed they WAS sorry, and so did you, and so did
pretended to be SAD that they were being sold far
away from here! And I believed they WERE sorry, and
everybody. Don’t ever tell ME any more that a nigger ain’t
got any histrionic talent. Why, the way they played that thing
so did you and everyone else. Don’t ever tell ME that
n------ can’t act. Why, the way they acted, they could
it would fool ANYBODY. In my opinion, there’s a fortune in
’em. If I had capital and a theater, I wouldn’t want a better
have fooled ANYBODY. They could make a fortune, in
my opinion. If I had some money and a theater, I
lay-out than that—and here we’ve gone and sold ’em for a
song. Yes, and ain’t privileged to sing the song yet. Say,
couldn’t ask for better actors. And we’ve just sold
them for a pittance! A pittance! Hey, where’s that
where IS that song—that draft?”
check the traders wrote you?”
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“In the bank for to be collected. Where WOULD it be?”
“I deposited it in the bank. Where else would it be?”
“Well, THAT’S all right then, thank goodness.”
“Well, at least we have that, thank goodness.”
Says I, kind of timid-like:
Rather timidly, I said:
“Is something gone wrong?”
“Did something bad happen?”
The king whirls on me and rips out:
The king whirled around to look at me and snarled:
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“None o’ your business! You keep your head shet, and mind
y’r own affairs—if you got any. Long as you’re in this town
“None of your business! Keep your mouth closed and
mind your own business, if you even have any. You
don’t you forgit THAT—you hear?” Then he says to the
duke, “We got to jest swaller it and say noth’n’: mum’s the
just keep that in mind as long as you’re in this town,
you hear?” Then he turned to the duke, and said,
word for US.”
“We’ll just have to swallow the loss, say nothing, and
go on. Mum’s the word for us.”
As they was starting down the ladder the duke he chuckles
again, and says:
As they were starting down the ladder the duke
chuckled again and said:
“Quick sales AND small profits! It’s a good business—yes.”
“Quick sales AND small profits. Oh yes, it’s a good
business.”
The king snarls around on him and says:
The king snarled back:
“I was trying to do for the best in sellin’ ’em out so quick. If
“I thought I was doing the best thing for us by selling
the profits has turned out to be none, lackin’ considable, and
none to carry, is it my fault any more’n it’s yourn?”
them so quickly. If it turns out we didn’t make much
money, is it any more my fault than yours?”
“Well, THEY’D be in this house yet and we WOULDN’T if I
could a got my advice listened to.”
“Well, they’d still be in this house and we wouldn’t if
SOMEONE had listened to my advice earlier.”
The king sassed back as much as was safe for him, and
then swapped around and lit into ME again. He give me
The king mouthed off at the duke as much as he could
get away with, then turned around and started
down the banks for not coming and TELLING him I see the
niggers come out of his room acting that way—said any fool
chewing me out again. He yelled at me for not having
told him before that I’d seen the n------ acting
would a KNOWED something was up. And then waltzed in
and cussed HIMSELF awhile, and said it all come of him not
suspiciously as they snuck out of his room. He said
that any fool would have known something was up.
laying late and taking his natural rest that morning, and he’d
be blamed if he’d ever do it again. So they went off a-jawing;
Then he started cursing to himself for not having done
what comes naturally to him by lounging around in
and I felt dreadful glad I’d worked it all off on to the niggers,
and yet hadn’t done the niggers no harm by it.
bed that morning. He said that he’d be darned if he
would ever get up early again. They went off griping at
each other, and I felt pretty happy that I’d been able to
put the blame on those n------ without hurting them in
the process.
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BY and by it was getting-up time. So I come down the ladder
Pretty soon it was time to get up. I went down the
and started for down-stairs; but as I come to the girls’ room
the door was open, and I see Mary Jane setting by her old
ladder and headed downstairs, but as I was passing
by I saw that the door to the girls’ room was open. I
hair trunk, which was open and she’d been packing things in
it—getting ready to go to England. But she had stopped now
saw Mary Jane inside sitting by her old hair trunk,
which was open. She’d been packing things in it and
with a folded gown in her lap, and had her face in her hands,
crying. I felt awful bad to see it; of course anybody would. I
getting ready to go to England. She had stopped,
though, and had a folded gown in her lap and was
went in there and says:
crying with her face in her hands. I felt awful to see
it—anyone would, of course. I went in there and said:
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“Miss Mary Jane, you can’t a-bear to see people in trouble,
and I can’t—most always. Tell me about it.”
“Miss Mary Jane, you can’t stand to see people in
trouble, and I usually can’t either. Tell me about it.”
So she done it. And it was the niggers—I just expected it.
She said the beautiful trip to England was most about
So she did. She was crying over the n------, just as I’d
suspected. She said it was going to spoil the beautiful
spoiled for her; she didn’t know HOW she was ever going to
be happy there, knowing the mother and the children warn’t
trip she was about to take to England. She said she
didn’t know HOW she was ever going to be happy
ever going to see each other no more—and then busted out
bitterer than ever, and flung up her hands, and says:
knowing that the mother and children were never
going to see each other again. Then she started
crying more fiercely than ever. She flung up her hands
and said:
“Oh, dear, dear, to think they ain’t EVER going to see each
other any more!”
“Oh dear, dear! To think they’re never EVER going to
see each other any more!”
“But they WILL—and inside of two weeks—and I KNOW it!”
says I.
“But they WILL—and in less than two weeks. I KNOW
it!” I said.
Laws, it was out before I could think! And before I could
budge she throws her arms around my neck and told me to
Oops! I’d said it without thinking! And before I could
budge an inch she threw her arms around my neck
say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN!
and told me to say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN, say it
AGAIN!
I see I had spoke too sudden and said too much, and was in
a close place. I asked her to let me think a minute; and she
I saw that I’d spoken too quickly and said too much.
Now I was in a difficult situation. I asked her to let me
set there, very impatient and excited and handsome, but
looking kind of happy and eased-up, like a person that’s had
think a minute, and she sat there very patiently. She
looked excited and very pretty, but also kind of happy
a tooth pulled out. So I went to studying it out. I says to
myself, I reckon a body that ups and tells the truth when he
and relaxed, like a person after they’ve had a tooth
pulled out. I thought for a moment, and told myself
is in a tight place is taking considerable many resks, though
I ain’t had no experience, and can’t say for certain; but it
that someone who tells the truth when he’s in a
difficult situation like this is taking a big risk. That’s the
looks so to me, anyway; and yet here’s a case where I’m
blest if it don’t look to me like the truth is better and actuly
way it always seemed to me, though I hadn’t had
much experience and couldn’t really say so for certain.
SAFER than a lie. I must lay it by in my mind, and think it
over some time or other, it’s so kind of strange and
Yet here was a case where it seemed telling the truth
would be better and SAFER than telling a lie. It was so
unregular. I never see nothing like it. Well, I says to myself
at last, I’m a-going to chance it; I’ll up and tell the truth this
strange and unusual, that I told myself I’d have to put
it aside for awhile and think it over some other time. I’d
time, though it does seem most like setting down on a kag of
powder and touching it off just to see where you’ll go to.
never encountered a situation like it. Finally I told
myself that I was going to risk it—I’d tell the truth this
Then I says:
time, though it did seem a lot like sitting on a keg of
gunpower and lighting it just to see where’d the
explosion would send you flying. Then I said:
“Miss Mary Jane, is there any place out of town a little ways
“Miss Mary Jane, is there any place out of town a little
where you could go and stay three or four days?”
ways where you could go and stay for three or four
days?”
“Yes; Mr. Lothrop’s. Why?”
“Yes—Mr. Lothrop’s. Why?”
“Never mind why yet. If I’ll tell you how I know the niggers
“Never mind why just yet. If I tell you how I know the n-
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will see each other again inside of two weeks—here in this
house—and PROVE how I know it—will you go to Mr.
----- will see each other again—right here in this
house—in less than two weeks and PROVE it, will you
Lothrop’s and stay four days?”
go to Mr. Lothrop’s and stay four days?”
“Four days!” she says; “I’ll stay a year!”
“Four days?!” she said. “I’ll stay a whole year!”
“All right,” I says, “I don’t want nothing more out of YOU than
just your word—I druther have it than another man’s kiss-
“All right,” I said. “You don’t have to say anything else
as long as you give me your WORD. I’d rather have
the-Bible.” She smiled and reddened up very sweet, and I
says, “If you don’t mind it, I’ll shut the door—and bolt it.”
that than another man’s kiss on the Bible.” She smiled
and blushed very sweetly. I said, “If you don’t mind, I’ll
shut the door—and bolt it.”
Then I come back and set down again, and says:
Then I came back and sat down again and said:
“Don’t you holler. Just set still and take it like a man. I got to
tell the truth, and you want to brace up, Miss Mary, because
“Don’t yell. Just sit still and take it like a man. I’ve got
to tell the truth, and you’ll want to brace yourself, Miss
it’s a bad kind, and going to be hard to take, but there ain’t
no help for it. These uncles of yourn ain’t no uncles at all;
Mary, because it’s pretty bad. It’s going to be hard to
swallow, but there’s nothing I can do about that.
they’re a couple of frauds—regular dead-beats. There, now
we’re over the worst of it, you can stand the rest middling
These uncles of yours… well, they aren’t your uncles
at all. They’re a couple of frauds—real deadbeats.
easy.”
There. Now the worst is over. The rest won’t be as
hard to take.”
It jolted her up like everything, of course; but I was over the
shoal water now, so I went right along, her eyes a-blazing
The news jolted her considerably, of course, but I was
past the shallowest waters now, so I continued. I told
higher and higher all the time, and told her every blame
thing, from where we first struck that young fool going up to
her every detail, from the time when we first met that
young fool heading toward the steamboat clear
the steamboat, clear through to where she flung herself on
to the king’s breast at the front door and he kissed her
through to where she flung herself into the king’s arms
as he stood at the front door and kissed her sixteen or
sixteen or seventeen times—and then up she jumps, with
her face afire like sunset, and says:
seventeen times. Her eyes blazed more with each
new detail until she finally jumped up with her face lit
up like a sunset and said:
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“The brute! Come, don’t waste a minute—not a SECOND—
“That brute! Come, don’t waste a minute—not a
we’ll have them tarred and feathered, and flung in the river!”
second. We’ll have them tarred and feathered and
flung into the river!”
Says I:
I said:
“Cert’nly. But do you mean BEFORE you go to Mr.
“Certainly, we will. But do you mean BEFORE you go
Lothrop’s, or—”
to Mr. Lothrop’s or….”
“Oh,” she says, “what am I THINKING about!” she says, and
“Oh,” she said. “What am I THINKING about!” She sat
set right down again. “Don’t mind what I said—please
don’t—you WON’T, now, WILL you?” Laying her silky hand
right back down again. “Don’t pay any attention to
what I just said. Please don’t. You WON’T, now, WILL
on mine in that kind of a way that I said I would die first. “I
never thought, I was so stirred up,” she says; “now go on,
you?” She laid her silky hand on mine, and I said I
would die first. “I didn’t think, I was so angry,” she
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and I won’t do so any more. You tell me what to do, and
whatever you say I’ll do it.”
said. “Now please continue—I won’t interrupt like that
again. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.”
“Well,” I says, “it’s a rough gang, them two frauds, and I’m
fixed so I got to travel with them a while longer, whether I
“Well,” I said. “They’re a rough pair, those two frauds,
and I’m in a situation where I’ve got to travel with them
want to or not—I druther not tell you why; and if you was to
blow on them this town would get me out of their claws, and
awhile longer, whether I want to or not—I’d rather not
tell you why. If you were to tell on them, this town
I’d be all right; but there’d be another person that you don’t
know about who’d be in big trouble. Well, we got to save
would get them out of my hair, and I’d be all right. But
there’d be another person that you don’t know about
HIM, hain’t we? Of course. Well, then, we won’t blow on
them.”
who’d be in big trouble. Well, we have to save HIM,
don’t we? Of course, we do. Well, then we can’t tell on
the frauds.”
Saying them words put a good idea in my head. I see how
As I said this, a good idea popped into my head. Me
maybe I could get me and Jim rid of the frauds; get them
jailed here, and then leave. But I didn’t want to run the raft in
and Jim might be able to get rid of these frauds by
getting them thrown in jail. Then we could leave. But I
the daytime without anybody aboard to answer questions
but me; so I didn’t want the plan to begin working till pretty
didn’t want to float the raft down the river in daylight
with only me on board to answer questions, so I’d
late to-night. I says:
have to wait until pretty late tonight in order to put the
plan in motion. I said:
“Miss Mary Jane, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, and you won’t
have to stay at Mr. Lothrop’s so long, nuther. How fur is it?”
“Miss Mary Jane, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, and you
won’t have to stay at Mr. Lothrop’s so long either. How
far is it?”
“A little short of four miles—right out in the country, back
“A little under four miles away, just out in the
here.”
countryside.”
“Well, that ’ll answer. Now you go along out there, and lay
“That’s fine. Now you head out there and lay low until
low till nine or half-past to-night, and then get them to fetch
you home again—tell them you’ve thought of something. If
nine or nine-thirty tonight. Then get them to bring you
home again—tell them you forgot something. If you
you get here before eleven put a candle in this window, and
if I don’t turn up wait TILL eleven, and THEN if I don’t turn
get here before eleven o’clock, then put a candle in
this window. If I don’t turn up before then, wait UNTIL
up it means I’m gone, and out of the way, and safe. Then
you come out and spread the news around, and get these
eleven. Then if I don’t turn up it means I’m gone, safe,
and out of harm’s way. Then you can come out and
beats jailed.”
spread the news and have these deadbeats thrown in
jail.”
“Good,” she says, “I’ll do it.”
“Good,” she said. “I’ll do it.”
“And if it just happens so that I don’t get away, but get took
“And if something happens, and I don’t get away—if I
up along with them, you must up and say I told you the
whole thing beforehand, and you must stand by me all you
get taken along with them, then you have to tell
everyone that I told you the whole truth beforehand.
can.”
You have to stand by me and back me up as much as
you can.”
“Stand by you! indeed I will. They sha’n’t touch a hair of your
head!” she says, and I see her nostrils spread and her eyes
“Stand by you! Yes, I will. They won’t touch a hair of
your head!” she said, and I saw her nostrils flare and
snap when she said it, too.
her eyes snap when she said it too.
“If I get away I sha’n’t be here,” I says, “to prove these
“If I get away, I won’t be here to prove these
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rapscallions ain’t your uncles, and I couldn’t do it if I WAS
here. I could swear they was beats and bummers, that’s all,
rapscallions aren’t your uncles,” I said. “I couldn’t even
do it if I WERE here. All I’d be able to do would be to
though that’s worth something. Well, there’s others can do
that better than what I can, and they’re people that ain’t
swear that they were bums and deadbeats, which
counts for something, I guess. There are other people
going to be doubted as quick as I’d be. I’ll tell you how to
find them. Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper. There—
who can prove this better than I can, and they’re
people that no one is going to doubt as much as
’Royal Nonesuch, Bricksville.’ Put it away, and don’t lose it.
When the court wants to find out something about these
they’d doubt me. I’ll tell you how to find them—give
me a pencil and a piece of paper. There: ‘Royal
two, let them send up to Bricksville and say they’ve got the
men that played the Royal Nonesuch, and ask for some
Nonesuh, Bricksville.’ Put this away, and don’t lose it.
When the court wants more information on these two,
witnesses—why, you’ll have that entire town down here
before you can hardly wink, Miss Mary. And they’ll come a-
have them go up to Bricksville and say that they’ve got
the men that played the Royal Nonesuch. Ask for
biling, too.”
some witnesses, and you’ll have that entire town down
here before you could wink, Miss Mary. And they’ll be
pretty angry, too.”
I judged we had got everything fixed about right now. So I
I figured we had everything in order for now, so I said:
says:
“Just let the auction go right along, and don’t worry. Nobody
“Just let the auction go right on ahead, and don’t
don’t have to pay for the things they buy till a whole day
after the auction on accounts of the short notice, and they
worry. Since the auction was held on short notice, no
one has to pay for the things they buy until the next
ain’t going out of this till they get that money; and the way
we’ve fixed it the sale ain’t going to count, and they ain’t
day. Those two won’t leave town until they’ve gotten
their money—and the way we’ve set it up, the sale
going to get no money. It’s just like the way it was with the
niggers—it warn’t no sale, and the niggers will be back
won’t be valid and they’re not going to get any money.
It’ll be just like it was with the n------—it wasn’t a real
before long. Why, they can’t collect the money for the
NIGGERS yet—they’re in the worst kind of a fix, Miss Mary.”
sale, and the n------ will be back here soon. Why, they
can’t collect the money for N------ yet. They’re in the
worst kind of situation, Miss Mary.”
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“Well,” she says, “I’ll run down to breakfast now, and then I’ll
“Well,” she aid. “I’ll run downstairs to breakfast now,
start straight for Mr. Lothrop’s.”
and then I’ll head out for Mr. Lothrop’s immediately
after.”
“’Deed, THAT ain’t the ticket, Miss Mary Jane,” I says, “by
no manner of means; go BEFORE breakfast.”
“No, Miss Mary Jane, that’s not the way to do it. Not at
all. You should go BEFORE breakfast.”
“Why?”
“Why?”
“What did you reckon I wanted you to go at all for, Miss
“Why do you think I wanted you to go at all, Miss
Mary?”
Mary?”
“Well, I never thought—and come to think, I don’t know.
“Well, I guess I never thought about it. And come to
What was it?”
think of it, I don’t know. Why?”
“Why, it’s because you ain’t one of these leather-face
“Why, because you’re not one of those poker-faced
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people. I don’t want no better book than what your face is. A
body can set down and read it off like coarse print. Do you
people. Your face is just like a book, and anyone
would be able to read your face and see that
reckon you can go and face your uncles when they come to
kiss you good-morning, and never—”
something was wrong. Do you think you’d be able to
face your uncles when they come and kiss you good
morning and never….”
“There, there, don’t! Yes, I’ll go before breakfast—I’ll be glad
“Stop! Stop! Yes, I’ll go before breakfast—I’ll be glad
to. And leave my sisters with them?”
to. Should I leave my sisters with them?”
“Yes; never mind about them. They’ve got to stand it yet a
“Yes. Don’t worry about them. They’ve got to put up
while. They might suspicion something if all of you was to
go. I don’t want you to see them, nor your sisters, nor
with all this a bit longer. The rascals might suspect
something if all of you were to go. I don’t want you to
nobody in this town; if a neighbor was to ask how is your
uncles this morning your face would tell something. No, you
see those two or your sisters or anyone in town. If a
neighbor asks you how your uncles are this morning,
go right along, Miss Mary Jane, and I’ll fix it with all of them.
I’ll tell Miss Susan to give your love to your uncles and say
your face would reveal something. No, you go right
along to Mr. Lothrop’s, Miss Mary Jane. I’ll settle it all
you’ve went away for a few hours for to get a little rest and
change, or to see a friend, and you’ll be back to-night or
with them. I’ll tell Miss Susan that you’ve gone away
for a few hours for a change of scene or to see a
early in the morning.”
friend or something, and she should give your love to
your uncles. I’ll tell them that you’ll be back either
tonight or early in the morning.”
“Gone to see a friend is all right, but I won’t have my love
“You can tell them I’ve gone to see a friend, but I won’t
given to them.”
have you tell those men that I’ve given my love to
them”
“Well, then, it sha’n’t be.” It was well enough to tell HER
so—no harm in it. It was only a little thing to do, and no
“Okay then, I won’t say that.” I could tell HER that—
what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. It was just a
trouble; and it’s the little things that smooths people’s roads
the most, down here below; it would make Mary Jane
little lie and would’t cause any harm. It’s little things
like that that calm people down the most. It would
comfortable, and it wouldn’t cost nothing. Then I says:
“There’s one more thing—that bag of money.”
make Mary Jane comfortable, and it wouldn’t make
any difference. Then I said, “There’s one more thing—
that bag of money.”
“Well, they’ve got that; and it makes me feel pretty silly to
“Well, they’ve got that. It makes me feel pretty silly to
think HOW they got it.”
think HOW they got it too.”
“No, you’re out, there. They hain’t got it.”
“No, you’re wrong there. They don’t have it.”
“Why, who’s got it?”
“What? Well, then who has it?”
“I wish I knowed, but I don’t. I HAD it, because I stole it from
“I wish I knew, but I don’t. I HAD it because I stole it
them; and I stole it to give to you; and I know where I hid it,
but I’m afraid it ain’t there no more. I’m awful sorry, Miss
from them to give to you. I know where I hid it, but I’m
afraid it isn’t there any more. I’m awfully sorry, Miss
Mary Jane, I’m just as sorry as I can be; but I done the best I
could; I did honest. I come nigh getting caught, and I had to
Mary Jane. I’m just as sorry as I can be. But I did the
best I could—honestly I did. I came pretty close to
shove it into the first place I come to, and run—and it warn’t
a good place.”
getting caught, and I had to shove it into the first place
I could and then run—and it wasn’t a very good hiding
place.”
“Oh, stop blaming yourself—it’s too bad to do it, and I won’t
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allow it—you couldn’t help it; it wasn’t your fault. Where did
you hide it?”
I won’t allow it. Besides, you couldn’t help it—it wasn’t
your fault. Where did you hide it?”
I didn’t want to set her to thinking about her troubles again;
and I couldn’t seem to get my mouth to tell her what would
I didn’t want her to start thinking about all her troubles
again, and I couldn’t think of how to tell her that the
make her see that corpse laying in the coffin with that bag of
money on his stomach. So for a minute I didn’t say nothing;
bag of money was on the stomach of her father’s
corpse in the coffin. So for a minute I didn’t say
then I says:
anything. Then I said:
“I’d ruther not TELL you where I put it, Miss Mary Jane, if
“If you don’t mind, I’d rather NOT tell you where I put
you don’t mind letting me off; but I’ll write it for you on a
piece of paper, and you can read it along the road to Mr.
it, Miss Mary Jane. But I’ll write where I put it on a
piece of paper, and you can read it when you’re on the
Lothrop’s, if you want to. Do you reckon that ’ll do?”
road to Mr. Lothrop’s if you want to. Do you think that
will do?
“Oh, yes.”
“Oh, yes.”
So I wrote: “I put it in the coffin. It was in there when you
So I wrote down, “I put it in the coffin. It was in there
was crying there, away in the night. I was behind the door,
and I was mighty sorry for you, Miss Mary Jane.”
when you were crying over it in the middle of the night.
I was behind the door, and I felt very sorry for you,
Miss Mary Jane.”
It made my eyes water a little to remember her crying there
It made my eyes water a little to remember her crying
all by herself in the night, and them devils laying there right
under her own roof, shaming her and robbing her; and when
there all by herself that night and to think of those
devils lying in bed right under her own roof, cheating
I folded it up and give it to her I see the water come into her
eyes, too; and she shook me by the hand, hard, and says:
her and robbing her. When I folded the paper and
gave it to her, I saw that her eyes were starting to
water too. She shook me hard by the hand and said:
“GOOD-bye. I’m going to do everything just as you’ve told
“GOOD-bye. I’m going to do everything just like you
me; and if I don’t ever see you again, I sha’n’t ever forget
you and I’ll think of you a many and a many a time, and I’ll
told me. And if I never see you again, I won’t ever
forget you. I’ll think of you many, many times, and I’ll
PRAY for you, too!"—and she was gone.
PRAY for you, too.” And then she was gone.
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Pray for me! I reckoned if she knowed me she’d take a job
She’d pray for me! I’m sure if she knew me better she
that was more nearer her size. But I bet she done it, just the
same—she was just that kind. She had the grit to pray for
would have settled on something a bit easier
considering how much praying for I needed. But I bet
Judus if she took the notion—there warn’t no back-down to
her, I judge. You may say what you want to, but in my
she prayed for me anyway—she was just that kind
hearted. She’d pray for Judas if she got it in her
opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in
my opinion she was just full of sand. It sounds like flattery,
head—she wasn’t the type to go back on her word, I
figure. You can say what you want, but in my opinion
but it ain’t no flattery. And when it comes to beauty—and
goodness, too—she lays over them all. I hain’t ever seen
she had a lot of guts—more guts than any girl I’d ever
seen. That sounds like flattery, but I’m not trying to
her since that time that I see her go out of that door; no, I
hain’t ever seen her since, but I reckon I’ve thought of her a
flatter her. And when it comes to beauty—goodness.
She’s more beautiful than anyone else. I haven’t seen
many and a many a million times, and of her saying she
her since I let her walk out that door. Nope, haven’t
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would pray for me; and if ever I’d a thought it would do any
good for me to pray for HER, blamed if I wouldn’t a done it
seen her since, but I’ve probably thought of her a
million times and remembered her saying she’d pray
or bust.
for me. If I ever thought it’d do any good for me to pray
for HER, I would die trying.
Well, Mary Jane she lit out the back way, I reckon; because
nobody see her go. When I struck Susan and the hare-lip, I
Well I suppose Mary Jane left through the back door,
since no one saw her go. When I met up with Susan
says:
and the harelip, I said:
“What’s the name of them people over on t’other side of the
“What’s the name of those people over on the other
river that you all goes to see sometimes?”
side of the river that you all go and visit sometimes?”
They says:
The said:
“There’s several; but it’s the Proctors, mainly.”
“There’s several, but mostly the Proctors.”
“That’s the name,” I says; “I most forgot it. Well, Miss Mary
“That’s the name,” I said. “I must have forgotten it.
Jane she told me to tell you she’s gone over there in a
dreadful hurry—one of them’s sick.”
Well, Miss Mary Jane told me to tell you she had to
leave in an awful hurry to go over there—one of them
is sick.”
“Which one?”
“Which one?”
“I don’t know; leastways, I kinder forget; but I thinks it’s—”
“I don’t know. Well, maybe I just forgot. But I think
it’s….”
“Sakes alive, I hope it ain’t HANNER?”
“Land’s sakes alives, I hope it isn’t HANNAH!”
“I’m sorry to say it,” I says, “but Hanner’s the very one.”
“I’m sorry to say it,” I said, “but it was Hannah.”
“My goodness, and she so well only last week! Is she took
bad?”
“My goodness! And she looked so well just last week!
Is she really sick?”
“It ain’t no name for it. They set up with her all night, Miss
Mary Jane said, and they don’t think she’ll last many hours.”
“Bad doesn’t do it justice. They sat up with her all
night, Miss Mary Jane said, and they don’t think she’ll
live many more hours.”
“Only think of that, now! What’s the matter with her?”
“Just think of that! What’s the matter with her?”
I couldn’t think of anything reasonable, right off that way, so
I says:
I couldn’t think of anything appropriate right off the bat,
so I said:
“Mumps.”
“Mumps.”
“Mumps your granny! They don’t set up with people that’s
“Mumps, my left foot! They don’t sit up all night with
got the mumps.”
people who have the mumps.”
“They don’t, don’t they? You better bet they do with THESE
“Oh, they don’t? You better bet they do with THESE
mumps. These mumps is different. It’s a new kind, Miss
Mary Jane said.”
mumps. These mumps are different. It’s a new kind,
Miss Mary Jane said.”
“How’s it a new kind?”
“How so?”
“Because it’s mixed up with other things.”
“Because it’s mixed up with other diseases.”
“What other things?”
“What other things?”
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“Well, measles, and whooping-cough, and erysiplas, and
consumption, and yaller janders, and brain-fever, and I don’t
“Well, measles and whooping cough and erysipelas
and consumption and yellow jaundice and brain fever
know what all.”
and I don’t know what all else.”
“My land! And they call it the MUMPS?”
“My word! And they call that the MUMPS?”
“That’s what Miss Mary Jane said.”
“That’s what Miss Mary Jane said.”
“Well, what in the nation do they call it the MUMPS for?”
“Well, why in the world do they call it the MUMPS?”
“Why, because it IS the mumps. That’s what it starts with.”
“Well, because it IS the mumps. That’s how it all
starts.”
“Well, ther’ ain’t no sense in it. A body might stump his toe,
and take pison, and fall down the well, and break his neck,
“Well, that doesn’t make any sense. A guy could stub
his toe, take poison, fall down a well, break his neck,
and bust his brains out, and somebody come along and ask
what killed him, and some numskull up and say, ’Why, he
and crack his head open so that his brains fell out.
Then someone would come along and ask what killed
stumped his TOE.’ Would ther’ be any sense in that? NO.
And ther’ ain’t no sense in THIS, nuther. Is it ketching?”
him, and some numbskull would say, “Why, he
stubbed his TOE. What would be the sense in that?
NO. There’s no sense in this either. Is it contagious?”
“Is it KETCHING? Why, how you talk. Is a HARROW
“Contagious?! Listen to you talk! Is a HARROW
catching—in the dark? If you don’t hitch on to one tooth,
you’re bound to on another, ain’t you? And you can’t get
contagious in the dark? If you don’t get snagged on
one spike, you’ll get caught on another, won’t you.
away with that tooth without fetching the whole harrow
along, can you? Well, these kind of mumps is a kind of a
And you can’t walk away caught on that one spike
without pulling the whole harrow along, can you? Well,
harrow, as you may say—and it ain’t no slouch of a harrow,
nuther, you come to get it hitched on good.”
this kind of mumps are like that harrow, you could
say—it’s no wimpy harrow either. You get caught on it
good.”
“Well, it’s awful, I think,” says the hare-lip. “I’ll go to Uncle
“Well, it’s awful, I think,” said the harelip. “I’ll go to
Harvey and—”
Uncle Harvey and....”
“Oh, yes,” I says, “I WOULD. Of COURSE I would. I
“Oh, sure,” I said. “That’s exactly what I’D DO. OF
wouldn’t lose no time.”
COURSE, I would. Don’t waste your time.”
“Well, why wouldn’t you?”
“Well, why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“Just look at it a minute, and maybe you can see. Hain’t your
uncles obleegd to get along home to England as fast as they
“Just think a minute, and maybe you’ll understand.
Haven’t your uncles said they want to get along home
can? And do you reckon they’d be mean enough to go off
and leave you to go all that journey by yourselves? YOU
to England as fast as they can? And do you think
they’d be mean enough to go off and leave you to
know they’ll wait for you. So fur, so good. Your uncle
Harvey’s a preacher, ain’t he? Very well, then; is a
follow them on that journey all by yourself? You
KNOW they’ll wait for you. So far, so good. Your Uncle
PREACHER going to deceive a steamboat clerk? is he
going to deceive a SHIP CLERK?—so as to get them to let
Harvey’s a preacher, isn’t her? Well then, is a
PREACHER going to lie to a steamboat clerk? Is he
Miss Mary Jane go aboard? Now YOU know he ain’t. What
WILL he do, then? Why, he’ll say, ’It’s a great pity, but my
going to lie to a SHIP CLERK so they’d let Miss Mary
Jane go aboard? You know he wouldn’t. So what
church matters has got to get along the best way they can;
for my niece has been exposed to the dreadful pluribus-
WILL he do instead? Why, he’ll say, ‘It’s such a pity,
but they’ll just have to get on at church without me
unum mumps, and so it’s my bounden duty to set down here
because my neice has been exposed to the dreadful
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and wait the three months it takes to show on her if she’s
got it.’ But never mind, if you think it’s best to tell your uncle
pluribus unum mumps. It’s my bound duty to sit down
here and wait the three months it’ll take to show if
Harvey—”
she’s got it.’ But never mind—if you think it’s best to
tell your Uncle Harvey….”
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“Shucks, and stay fooling around here when we could all be
having good times in England whilst we was waiting to find
“Shoot, and have to stick around here waiting to see if
Mary Jane’s caught it or not when we could all be in
out whether Mary Jane’s got it or not? Why, you talk like a
muggins.”
England having fun? You talk like an idiot.”
“Well, anyway, maybe you’d better tell some of the
neighbors.”
“Well, anyways, maybe you’d better tell some of the
neighbors.”
“Listen at that, now. You do beat all for natural stupidness.
Can’t you SEE that THEY’D go and tell? Ther’ ain’t no way
“Tell the neighbors? Listen to you talk. You are the
most naturally stupid person I’ve ever met. Don’t you
but just to not tell anybody at ALL.”
UNDERSTAND that THEY’d go and tell? All you can
do is not tell anyone at ALL.”
“Well, maybe you’re right—yes, I judge you ARE right.”
“Well, maybe you’re right…. Yes, I guess you ARE
right.”
“But I reckon we ought to tell Uncle Harvey she’s gone out a
while, anyway, so he won’t be uneasy about her?”
“Well, I guess we ought to tell Uncle Harvey she’s
gone out a while. That way they won’t wonder where
she is.”
“Yes, Miss Mary Jane she wanted you to do that. She says,
“Yes, Miss Mary Jane wanted you to tell him. She
’Tell them to give Uncle Harvey and William my love and a
kiss, and say I’ve run over the river to see Mr.’—Mr.—what
said, ‘Tell them to give Uncle Harvey and Uncle
William my love and a kiss. Tell them I’ve gone across
IS the name of that rich family your uncle Peter used to think
so much of?—I mean the one that—”
the river to see Mr….’ Mr…. what IS the name of that
rich family your uncle Peter used to think so much of?
I mean the one that….”
“Why, you must mean the Apthorps, ain’t it?”
“Why, you must mean the Apthorps, don’t you?”
“Of course; bother them kind of names, a body can’t ever
seem to remember them, half the time, somehow. Yes, she
“Of course. Darn those strange names—a guy can’t
remember them half the time. Yes, she said, tell them
said, say she has run over for to ask the Apthorps to be sure
and come to the auction and buy this house, because she
she’s run over to ask the Apthorps to be sure and
come to the auction to buy this house. She figured her
allowed her uncle Peter would ruther they had it than
anybody else; and she’s going to stick to them till they say
uncle Peter would prefer they buy it than anyone else.
And she going to stay with them and keep pressuring
they’ll come, and then, if she ain’t too tired, she’s coming
home; and if she is, she’ll be home in the morning anyway.
them to come until they DO come. Then, if she isn’t
too tired, she’ll come home. But if she is too tired, then
She said, don’t say nothing about the Proctors, but only
about the Apthorps—which ’ll be perfectly true, because she
she’ll be home in the morning. She didn’t want you to
say anything about the Proctors. Just talk about the
is going there to speak about their buying the house; I know
it, because she told me so herself.”
Apthorps, which will be perfectly true, because she is
going over there to talk to them about buying the
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house. I know this because she told me so herself.”
“All right,” they said, and cleared out to lay for their uncles,
“All right,” they said, and they left to wait for their
and give them the love and the kisses, and tell them the
message.
uncles so that they could give them love and kisses
and the message.
Everything was all right now. The girls wouldn’t say nothing
because they wanted to go to England; and the king and the
Everything was all right now. The girls wouldn’t say
anything because they wanted to go to England. The
duke would ruther Mary Jane was off working for the auction
than around in reach of Doctor Robinson. I felt very good; I
king and the duke would rather Mary Jane was off
preparing things for the auction than around here near
judged I had done it pretty neat—I reckoned Tom Sawyer
couldn’t a done it no neater himself. Of course he would a
Doctor Robinson. I felt pretty good—I figured I had
done a good job. In fact, I figured that not even Tom
throwed more style into it, but I can’t do that very handy, not
being brung up to it.
Sawyer could have done a better job. Of course, he
would have done it was more style, but I’m not good
with that. I wasn’t raised to be stylish.
Well, they held the auction in the public square, along
Well, they held the auction in the town square in the
towards the end of the afternoon, and it strung along, and
strung along, and the old man he was on hand and looking
late afternoon and it went on a long time. The king
was up there, looking pretty slimy as he stood next to
his level pisonest, up there longside of the auctioneer, and
chipping in a little Scripture now and then, or a little goody-
the auctioneer, chipping in every now and then with
sayings from the scriptures and other warm fuzzies.
goody saying of some kind, and the duke he was around
goo-gooing for sympathy all he knowed how, and just
The duke went around the whole square goo-gooing
with all his might to drum up as much sympathy from
spreading himself generly.
potential buyers as he could.
But by and by the thing dragged through, and everything
Eventually the auction ended and everything had been
was sold—everything but a little old trifling lot in the
graveyard. So they’d got to work that off—I never see such
sold—everything, that is, except a plot in the
graveyard. So they kept going until they sold that too. I
a girafft as the king was for wanting to swallow
EVERYTHING. Well, whilst they was at it a steamboat
never saw ANYONE greedier than the king. While
they were finishing up, a steamboat landed. In about
landed, and in about two minutes up comes a crowd awhooping and yelling and laughing and carrying on, and
two minutes, a crowd of people come whooping and
yelling and carrying on toward us, crying out:
singing out:
“HERE’S your opposition line! here’s your two sets o’ heirs
“HERE’s some competition for you! Now, we’ve got
to old Peter Wilks—and you pays your money and you takes
your choice!”
two sets of heirs to old Peter Wilks’s fortune! Put down
your money and take your pick as to which pair is the
real one!”
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THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old gentleman along,
In walked a very nice looking old gentleman, as well
and a nice-looking younger one, with his right arm in a sling.
And, my souls, how the people yelled and laughed, and kept
as a nice looking younger one, who had his right arm
in a sling. And, my goodness, the people yelled and
it up. But I didn’t see no joke about it, and I judged it would
strain the duke and the king some to see any. I reckoned
laughed for a while. I didn’t see what was so funny
about it all, and I figured the king and duke probably
they’d turn pale. But no, nary a pale did THEY turn. The
didn’t either. I figured they would turn pale, but no,
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duke he never let on he suspicioned what was up, but just
went a goo-gooing around, happy and satisfied, like a jug
they DIDN’T turn pale. The duke never let on that he
suspected something was up. Instead, he just went on
that’s googling out buttermilk; and as for the king, he just
gazed and gazed down sorrowful on them new-comers like
googling out buttermilk. As for the king, he just kept on
looking sorrowfully down at the newcomers, like it
it give him the stomach-ache in his very heart to think there
could be such frauds and rascals in the world. Oh, he done
caused his heart pain to think there could be frauds
and rascals like that in the world. Oh, he did an
it admirable. Lots of the principal people gethered around
the king, to let him see they was on his side. That old
admirable job. Lots of the most important people in
town gathered around the king to show him that they
gentleman that had just come looked all puzzled to death.
Pretty soon he begun to speak, and I see straight off he
were on his side. The old gentleman that had just
arrived looked like he was going to die of confusion.
pronounced LIKE an Englishman—not the king’s way,
though the king’s WAS pretty good for an imitation. I can’t
Eventually he began to speak, and I saw right away
that he SOUNDED like an Englishman. He didn’t
give the old gent’s words, nor I can’t imitate him; but he
turned around to the crowd, and says, about like this:
sound like the king, even though the king was good at
imitating an English accent. I don’t remember the
exact words the old gentleman said, nor can I imitate
him, but he turned around to the crowd and said
something like:
“This is a surprise to me which I wasn’t looking for; and I’ll
“Well, this is an unexpected surprise, and I can say
acknowledge, candid and frank, I ain’t very well fixed to
meet it and answer it; for my brother and me has had
honestly and frankly that I’m not really prepared to
face it. My brother and I have had some misfortunes—
misfortunes; he’s broke his arm, and our baggage got put off
at a town above here last night in the night by a mistake. I
he’s broken his arm, and our baggage got unloaded at
a town upriver from here last night by mistake. I am
am Peter Wilks’ brother Harvey, and this is his brother
William, which can’t hear nor speak—and can’t even make
Peter Wilks’s brother Harvey, and this is his brother
William. William can’t hear or speak and can’t even
signs to amount to much, now’t he’s only got one hand to
work them with. We are who we say we are; and in a day or
make signs that mean much of anything, now that he
has only one arm to make them with. We are who we
two, when I get the baggage, I can prove it. But up till then I
won’t say nothing more, but go to the hotel and wait.”
say we are, and in a day or two when I get the
baggage back, I can prove it. Until then, I won’t say
anything more. I’ll go the hotel and wait.”
So him and the new dummy started off; and the king he
So he and the new mute started off for the hotel. The
laughs, and blethers out:
king laughed and managed to say:
“Broke his arm—VERY likely, AIN’T it?—and very
“Broke his arm? VERY likely, ISN’T it? And very
convenient, too, for a fraud that’s got to make signs, and
ain’t learnt how. Lost their baggage! That’s MIGHTY good!—
convenient, too, for a fraud who has to make signs
and hasn’t learned how. Lost their baggage! That’s a
and mighty ingenious—under the CIRCUMSTANCES!”
MIGHTY good story! And mighty ingenious too under
the CIRCUMSTANCES!”
So he laughed again; and so did everybody else, except
three or four, or maybe half a dozen. One of these was that
He laughed again, and so did everyone else, except
for three or four people—well, maybe half a dozen.
doctor; another one was a sharp-looking gentleman, with a
carpet-bag of the old-fashioned kind made out of carpet-
One of these people was the doctor. Another was an
intelligent looking gentleman with an old fashioned
stuff, that had just come off of the steamboat and was
talking to him in a low voice, and glancing towards the king
carpetbag made out of actual carpet material. He’d
just come off the steamboat too and was talking to the
now and then and nodding their heads—it was Levi Bell, the
lawyer that was gone up to Louisville; and another one was
doctor in a low voice. They were glancing toward the
king now and then, nodding their heads. His name
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a big rough husky that come along and listened to all the old
gentleman said, and was listening to the king now. And
was Levi Bell, the lawyer that had been up in
Louisville. Another man who didn’t laugh was a big,
when the king got done this husky up and says:
rough looking, husky fellow that had come over and
listend to everything the old gentleman had said. Now
he was listening to the king, and when the king
finished, he said:
“Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks, when’d you come
to this town?”
“Hey, look here. If you are Harvey Wilks, then when
did you come to this town?”
“The day before the funeral, friend,” says the king.
“The day before the funeral, friend,” said the king.
“But what time o’ day?”
“But what time of day?”
“In the evenin’—’bout an hour er two before sundown.”
“In the evening—about an hour or two before
sundown.”
“HOW’D you come?”
“HOW did you come?”
“I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati.”
“I came down on the Steamboat Susan Powell from
Cincinnati.”
“Well, then, how’d you come to be up at the Pint in the
“Well, then how did you come to be up at the point in
MORNIN’—in a canoe?”
the MORNING? In a canoe?”
“I warn’t up at the Pint in the mornin’.”
“I wasn’t up at the point in the morning.”
“It’s a lie.”
“You’re lying.”
Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to talk
Several people in the crowd interrupted and begged
that way to an old man and a preacher.
him not to talk that way to an old man and a preacher.
“Preacher be hanged, he’s a fraud and a liar. He was up at
“Preacher, my butt—he’s a fraud and a liar. He was up
the Pint that mornin’. I live up there, don’t I? Well, I was up
there, and he was up there. I see him there. He come in a
at the point in the morning. I live up there, don’t I?
Well, I was up there, and so was he. I saw him up
canoe, along with Tim Collins and a boy.”
there. He came in a canoe along with Tim Collins and
a boy.”
The doctor he up and says:
The doctor then said:
“Would you know the boy again if you was to see him,
“Would you be able to recognize the boy if you saw
Hines?”
him again, Hines?”
“I reckon I would, but I don’t know. Why, yonder he is, now. I
“I suppose I probably would, but I’m not sure. Why—
know him perfectly easy.”
there is over there right now. I recognize him easily.”
It was me he pointed at. The doctor says:
He was pointing at me. The doctor said:
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“Neighbors, I don’t know whether the new couple is frauds
or not; but if THESE two ain’t frauds, I am an idiot, that’s all.
“Neighbors, I don’t know whether the new pair of
gentleman are frauds or not. But if THESE two aren’t
I think it’s our duty to see that they don’t get away from here
frauds, then I’m an idiot. I think it’s our duty to see that
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till we’ve looked into this thing. Come along, Hines; come
along, the rest of you. We’ll take these fellows to the tavern
they don’t get away from here until we’ve investigated
a bit more. Come along, Hines. Everyone else, come
and affront them with t’other couple, and I reckon we’ll find
out SOMETHING before we get through.”
along. We’ll take these fellows to the tavern and put
them face to face with the other gentlemen, and I
figure we’ll discover SOMETHING before we’re
finished.”
It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the king’s
friends; so we all started. It was about sundown. The doctor
Everyone went nuts with excitement, with the
exception of maybe the king’s friends. It was almost
he led me along by the hand, and was plenty kind enough,
but he never let go my hand.
sundown when we all headed out to the tavern. The
doctor led me by the hand. He was very nice and
everything—but he never let go of my hand.
We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up some
We all went inside a big room in the hotel. We lit some
candles, and fetched in the new couple. First, the doctor
says:
candles and brought in the other two gentlemen. First
the doctor said:
“I don’t wish to be too hard on these two men, but I think
they’re frauds, and they may have complices that we don’t
“I don’t wish to be too hard on these two men, but I
think they’re frauds, and they may have accomplices
know nothing about. If they have, won’t the complices get
away with that bag of gold Peter Wilks left? It ain’t unlikely. If
that we don’t know about. If they do have helpers,
then they might get away with the bag of gold that
these men ain’t frauds, they won’t object to sending for that
money and letting us keep it till they prove they’re all right—
Peter Wilks left. It’s possible. If these men aren’t
frauds, then they won’t object to having that money
ain’t that so?”
brought to us so that we can keep it until they’ve
proven that they’re telling the truth. Isn’t that so?”
Everybody agreed to that. So I judged they had our gang in
a pretty tight place right at the outstart. But the king he only
Everyone agreed to this idea, which made me think
that they had us in a pretty difficult position. The king,
looked sorrowful, and says:
however, just looked sad and said:
“Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain’t got no
“Gentlemen, I wish that money were there, because I
disposition to throw anything in the way of a fair, open, outand-out investigation o’ this misable business; but, alas, the
don’t want to do anything except be open and fair
about this miserable business. Unfortunately, the
money ain’t there; you k’n send and see, if you want to.”
money isn’t there, though. You can send for it and see
if you want.”
“Where is it, then?”
“Where is it then?”
“Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and
“Well, after my niece gave it to me to keep for her, I
hid it inside o’ the straw tick o’ my bed, not wishin’ to bank it
for the few days we’d be here, and considerin’ the bed a
hid it inside of the straw mattress of my bed. I didn’t
want to deposit it in the bank because we’d only be
safe place, we not bein’ used to niggers, and suppos’n’ ’em
honest, like servants in England. The niggers stole it the
here a few days, and I thought the bed would be a
safe place. We’re not used to n------ and assumed
very next mornin’ after I had went down stairs; and when I
sold ’em I hadn’t missed the money yit, so they got clean
they’d were honest folk, just like the servants in
England. Well, the n------ stole it the very next morning
away with it. My servant here k’n tell you ’bout it,
gentlemen.”
after I’d gone downstairs. And when I sold them, I
hadn’t realized the money was gone. Yhey got away
scott free. My servant here can tell you about it,
gentlemen.”
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The doctor and several said “Shucks!” and I see nobody
didn’t altogether believe him. One man asked me if I see the
The doctor and several others said, “Shoot!” and I saw
that everyone believed him. One man asked me if I
niggers steal it. I said no, but I see them sneaking out of the
room and hustling away, and I never thought nothing, only I
saw the n------ steal it. I said no, but that I did see
them sneak out of the room and hustle away. I said it
reckoned they was afraid they had waked up my master and
was trying to get away before he made trouble with them.
didn’t strike me as odd because I figured they were
afraid that they had woken up my master and were
That was all they asked me. Then the doctor whirls on me
and says:
trying to get away before he got angry at them. That
was all they asked me. Then the doctor whirled
around and said:
“Are YOU English, too?”
“Are YOU English too?”
I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said,
“Stuff!”
I said that I was. He and some others laughed and
said, “BS!”
Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and
there we had it, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody
Well, then they continued with the general
investigation. We were there a long time, hour after
never said a word about supper, nor ever seemed to think
about it—and so they kept it up, and kept it up; and it WAS
hour. No one said anything about supper or even
seemed to think about it. They kept going at it. It WAS
the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. They made the king
tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his’n; and
the most mixed up thing you’ve ever seen. They made
the king tell his story again, and they made the other
anybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a SEEN
that the old gentleman was spinning truth and t’other one
gentleman tell his. Any person who wasn’t an idiot
could have SEEN that the old gentleman was telling
lies. And by and by they had me up to tell what I knowed.
The king he give me a left-handed look out of the corner of
the truth and that the king was telling lies. Pretty soon
they had me tell everything that I knew. The king
his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the right side. I
begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there, and all
looked at me out of the corner of his eye, so I knew to
talk only about certain things that I knew to be true. I
about the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn’t get pretty
fur till the doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer,
began to talk about Sheffield and how we lived there
and all about the English Wilkes, and so on. But I
says:
didn’t get very far before the doctor began to laugh.
Levi Bell, the lawyer then said:
“Set down, my boy; I wouldn’t strain myself if I was you. I
reckon you ain’t used to lying, it don’t seem to come handy;
“Sit down, my boy. I wouldn’t strain myself if I were
you. I suppose you’re not used to lying—it doesn’t
what you want is practice. You do it pretty awkward.”
seem to come easily to you. You’re pretty bad at it.
You need some practice.”
I didn’t care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be
let off, anyway.
I didn’t care much for what he intended to be a
compliment, but I was glad to be off the hook.
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The doctor he started to say something, and turns and says:
The doctor started to say something, then turned and
said:
“If you’d been in town at first, Levi Bell—” The king broke in
and reached out his hand, and says:
“If you’d been in town earlier, Levi Bell….” The king
interrupted then, reached out his hand, and said:
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“Why, is this my poor dead brother’s old friend that he’s
wrote so often about?”
“Why, is this my poor dead brother’s old friend? The
one we wrote so often about?”
The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer smiled
and looked pleased, and they talked right along awhile, and
He and the lawyer shook hands, and the lawyer
smiled and looked pleased. They talked for a little bit,
then got to one side and talked low; and at last the lawyer
speaks up and says:
then stepped to one side and spoke in lower tones
until at last the lawyer spoke up and said:
“That ’ll fix it. I’ll take the order and send it, along with your
brother’s, and then they’ll know it’s all right.”
“That’ll do. I’ll take the order and send it along with
your brother’s, and they’ll know it’s all right.”
So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he set
down and twisted his head to one side, and chawed his
So they got some paper and a pen, and the king sat
down and turned his head to one side. He chewed on
tongue, and scrawled off something; and then they give the
pen to the duke—and then for the first time the duke looked
his tongue and scribbled something. Then they gave
the pen to the duke—and for the first time, the duke
sick. But he took the pen and wrote. So then the lawyer
turns to the new old gentleman and says:
looked sick. But he took the pen and wrote something
too. Then the lawyer turned to the other pair of
gentlemen and said:
“You and your brother please write a line or two and sign
“If you and your brother would please write a sentence
your names.”
or two and then sign you names.”
The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn’t read it. The
The old gentleman wrote, but no one could read it.
lawyer looked powerful astonished, and says:
The lawyer looked really astonished and said:
“Well, it beats ME"—and snaked a lot of old letters out of his
“Well I’ll be darned. He pulled a lot of old letters out of
pocket, and examined them, and then examined the old
man’s writing, and then THEM again; and then says: “These
his pocket, examined them, and then examined the
old man’s writing. Then he looked at the letters again
old letters is from Harvey Wilks; and here’s THESE two
handwritings, and anybody can see they didn’t write them”
before saying, “These old letters are from Harvey
Wilks. And here are THESE two samples of
(the king and the duke looked sold and foolish, I tell you, to
see how the lawyer had took them in), “and here’s THIS old
handwriting. Anyone can see that they didn’t write
them,” he said pointing at the king and duke, who
gentleman’s hand writing, and anybody can tell, easy
enough, HE didn’t write them—fact is, the scratches he
looked crestfallen that the lawyer had fooled them.
“And here’s THIS old gentleman’s handwriting, and
makes ain’t properly WRITING at all. Now, here’s some
letters from—”
anyone can easily tell that HE didn’t write them either.
In fact, the scratches he made on the paper aren’t
even WRITING at all! Now, here are some letters
from….”
The new old gentleman says:
The new old gentleman said:
“If you please, let me explain. Nobody can read my hand but
“If you please, let me explain. No one can read my
my brother there—so he copies for me. It’s HIS hand you’ve
got there, not mine.”
handwriting except for my brother here, so he copies
for me. It’s HIS handwriting you’ve got in those letters,
not mine.”
“WELL!” says the lawyer, “this IS a state of things. I’ve got
“Well then!” said the lawyer. “This IS a strange
some of William’s letters, too; so if you’ll get him to write a
line or so we can com—”
situation. I’ve got some of William’s letter’s too, so if
you’ll get him to write a sentence or two, then we can
com—“
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“He CAN’T write with his left hand,” says the old gentleman.
“If he could use his right hand, you would see that he wrote
“He CAN’T write with his left hand,” said the old
gentleman. “If he could use his right hand, you would
his own letters and mine too. Look at both, please—they’re
by the same hand.”
see that he wrote his own letters and mine, too. Look
at both, please—they were written by the same
person.”
The lawyer done it, and says:
The lawyer did so, then said:
“I believe it’s so—and if it ain’t so, there’s a heap stronger
resemblance than I’d noticed before, anyway. Well, well,
“I believe you’re right—and if not, then there’s a much
stronger resemblance in the handwriting of the two
well! I thought we was right on the track of a solution, but it’s
gone to grass, partly. But anyway, one thing is proved—
letters than I noticed before. Well, well, well! I thought
we were on the right track and headed toward a
THESE two ain’t either of ’em Wilkses"—and he wagged his
head towards the king and the duke.
solution, but I guess not. But I guess we proved one
thing—that THESE two aren’t the Wilks brothers,” he
said, nodding his head toward the king and duke.
Well, what do you think? That muleheaded old fool wouldn’t
And what do you think happened then? The mule-
give in THEN! Indeed he wouldn’t. Said it warn’t no fair test.
Said his brother William was the cussedest joker in the
headed old fool wouldn’t give up, even THEN! No, he
wouldn’t. He said it hadn’t been a fair test. He said is
world, and hadn’t tried to write—HE see William was going
to play one of his jokes the minute he put the pen to paper.
brother William was the worst prankster in the world
and hadn’t been trying to write hard enough. He said
And so he warmed up and went warbling right along till he
was actuly beginning to believe what he was saying
he saw William was about to play one of his jokes the
minute he put the pen to the paper. The king got
HIMSELF; but pretty soon the new gentleman broke in, and
says:
warmed up and started jabbering along until it was
clear he was actually beginning to believe what he
was saying. But pretty soon the new gentleman
interrupted and said:
“I’ve thought of something. Is there anybody here that
helped to lay out my br—helped to lay out the late Peter
“I’ve just thought of something. Is there anyone here
who helped to prepare my brother’s body? Who
Wilks for burying?”
helped prepare the late Peter Wilks for burial?”
“Yes,” says somebody, “me and Ab Turner done it. We’re
“Yes,” said someone. “Ab Turner and I did. We’re both
both here.”
here.”
Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:
Then the old man turned toward the king and said:
“Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed on
his breast?”
“Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was
tattooed on his chest.”
Blamed if the king didn’t have to brace up mighty quick, or
he’d a squshed down like a bluff bank that the river has cut
This suprised the king so much that he had to brace
himself quickly to keep from collapsing like a riverbank
under, it took him so sudden; and, mind you, it was a thing
that was calculated to make most ANYBODY sqush to get
that’s been eroded by the water. Mind you, it was the
kind of sudden comment MEANT to surprise you and
fetched such a solid one as that without any notice, because
how was HE going to know what was tattooed on the man?
knock you down. How was HE going to know what
was tattooed on the guy? The king’s face went white a
He whitened a little; he couldn’t help it; and it was mighty still
in there, and everybody bending a little forwards and gazing
little—he couldn’t help it. The room was very still, and
everyone leaned forward a little bit waiting for his
at him. Says I to myself, NOW he’ll throw up the sponge—
there ain’t no more use. Well, did he? A body can’t hardly
reply. NOW he’s going to throw in the towel, I thought
to myself—there wasn’t any use trying anymore. I bet
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believe it, but he didn’t. I reckon he thought he’d keep the
thing up till he tired them people out, so they’d thin out, and
he thought he’d keep quiet until everyone got tired and
left. Then that he and the duke could break loose and
him and the duke could break loose and get away. Anyway,
he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and says:
get away. He just sat there, but pretty soon started
smiling and said:
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“Mf! It’s a VERY tough question, AIN’T it! YES, sir, I k’n tell
you what’s tattooed on his breast. It’s jest a small, thin, blue
“Hmph! That’s a VERY tough question, isn’t it? Yes,
sir, I can tell you what’s tattoed on his chest. It’s just a
arrow—that’s what it is; and if you don’t look clost, you can’t
see it. NOW what do you say—hey?”
small thin blue arrow, that’s what it is. And if you don’t
look closely, you can’t see it. NOW what do you have
to say, hm?”
Well, I never see anything like that old blister for clean out-
Well, I never saw a man with so much nerve.
and-out cheek.
The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner and
The new old gentleman’s eyes lit up as if he’d figured
his pard, and his eye lights up like he judged he’d got the
king THIS time, and says:
he’d finally trapped the king. He turned briskly toward
Ab Turner and his partner and said:
“There—you’ve heard what he said! Was there any such
mark on Peter Wilks’ breast?”
“There now! You heard what he said! Was there a
tattoo like that on Peter Wilks’s chest?”
Both of them spoke up and says:
Both of them spoke up and said:
“We didn’t see no such mark.”
“We didn’t see a mark like that.”
“Good!” says the old gentleman. “Now, what you DID see on
his breast was a small dim P, and a B (which is an initial he
“Good!” said the old gentleman. “Now, what you DID
see on his chest was a small, faded letters P, B (an
dropped when he was young), and a W, with dashes
between them, so: P—B—W"—and he marked them that
initial he stopped using when he was young), and W,
all with dashes between them. That was the way he
way on a piece of paper. “Come, ain’t that what you saw?”
wrote them on paper. Come now, isn’t that what you
saw?”
Both of them spoke up again, and says:
Both of them spoke up again:
“No, we DIDN’T. We never seen any marks at all.”
“No, we didn’t. We didn’t see any marks at all.”
Well, everybody WAS in a state of mind now, and they sings
out:
Well, that got everyone talking, and people called out:
“The whole BILIN’ of ’m ’s frauds! Le’s duck ’em! le’s drown
’em! le’s ride ’em on a rail!” and everybody was whooping at
“They’re all frauds! Let’s get them! Let’s drown them!
Let’s ride them on a rail!” Everybody was whooping
once, and there was a rattling powwow. But the lawyer he
jumps on the table and yells, and says:
and making noice at the same time. It was like a noisy
Indian powwow. But the lawyer jumped up on the
table and yelled:
“Gentlemen—gentleMEN! Hear me just a word—just a
“Gentlemen… GentleMEN! Hear me out just a
SINGLE word—if you PLEASE! There’s one way yet—let’s
go and dig up the corpse and look.”
second—just a second—if you PLEASE! There’s one
way we can figure this out. Let’s go and dig up the
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corpse and look.”
That took them.
That got everyone’s attention.
“Hooray!” they all shouted, and was starting right off; but the
lawyer and the doctor sung out:
“Hooray!” everyone shouted, and people started
heading out immediately. But the lawyer and doctor
called to everyone:
“Hold on, hold on! Collar all these four men and the boy, and
“Hold on, hold on! Grab these four men and the boy,
fetch THEM along, too!”
and bring them along too!”
“We’ll do it!” they all shouted; “and if we don’t find them
“We’ll do it!” they all shouted. “And if we don’t find
marks we’ll lynch the whole gang!”
those marks, we’ll hang the whole bunch!”
I WAS scared, now, I tell you. But there warn’t no getting
Well I WAS pretty scared now, let me tell you. But
away, you know. They gripped us all, and marched us right
along, straight for the graveyard, which was a mile and a
there wasn’t any way to escape. They grabbed all of
us and marched us straight to the graveyard, which
half down the river, and the whole town at our heels, for we
made noise enough, and it was only nine in the evening.
was a mile and a half down the river. The whole town
was on our heels, since we made so much noise and
it was only nine o’clock in the evening.
As we went by our house I wished I hadn’t sent Mary Jane
As I passed our house, I wished I hadn’t sent Mary
out of town; because now if I could tip her the wink she’d
light out and save me, and blow on our dead-beats.
Jane out of town. If she was here, I could have winked
at her, and she would have come to save me by telling
on these deadbeats.
Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just carrying
We went down along the river road in a swarm,
on like wildcats; and to make it more scary the sky was
darking up, and the lightning beginning to wink and flitter,
carrying on like wild animals. The fact that it was
getting darker and the wind was blowing and lightning
and the wind to shiver amongst the leaves. This was the
most awful trouble and most dangersome I ever was in; and
starting to strike made it even scarier. This was the
most trouble and most danger I’d ever been in, and I
I was kinder stunned; everything was going so different from
what I had allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take
was kind of stunned. Everything was unfolding
differently than the way I’d planned. Instead of being
my own time if I wanted to, and see all the fun, and have
Mary Jane at my back to save me and set me free when the
able to do things at my own pace and having fun
watching the king and duke get in trouble and having
close-fit come, here was nothing in the world betwixt me and
sudden death but just them tattoo-marks. If they didn’t find
Mary Jane save me and set me free when things got
tight, there was nothing between me and sudden
them—
death except those tattoo marks. If they didn’t find
them….
I couldn’t bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn’t
think about nothing else. It got darker and darker, and it was
I couldn’t bear to think about it. And yet, somehow I
couldn’t think about anything else. It got darker and
a beautiful time to give the crowd the slip; but that big husky
had me by the wrist—Hines—and a body might as well try to
darker, and it was the perfect time of night to give
everyone the slip, but the big husky guy—Hines—had
give Goliar the slip. He dragged me right along, he was so
excited, and I had to run to keep up.
me by the wrist. I might as well have tried to give
Goliath the slip. He was so excited that he dragged
me along, and I had to run to keep up with him.
When they got there they swarmed into the graveyard and
The crowd washed into the graveyard like a tidal
washed over it like an overflow. And when they got to the
grave they found they had about a hundred times as many
wave. When they got to the grave, they found that
they had about a hundred times more shovels than
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shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn’t thought to fetch
a lantern. But they sailed into digging anyway by the flicker
they needed, but that no one had thought to bring a
lantern. One man was sent to the nearest house to
of the lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a half
a mile off, to borrow one.
borrow a lantern. In the meantime, they jumped right
in and started digging anyway, using the light from the
flashes of lightning to see by.
So they dug and dug like everything; and it got awful dark,
They dug and dug like there was no tomorrow. It got
and the rain started, and the wind swished and swushed
along, and the lightning come brisker and brisker, and the
awfully dark, and then it started raining. The wind
swished and swooshed all over the place. The
thunder boomed; but them people never took no notice of it,
they was so full of this business; and one minute you could
lightening became more frequent, and the thunder
boomed. But those people were so focused that they
see everything and every face in that big crowd, and the
shovelfuls of dirt sailing up out of the grave, and the next
didn’t pay any attention to it. One second, you could
see everything and every face in the big crowd and
second the dark wiped it all out, and you couldn’t see
nothing at all.
the shovelfuls of dirt flying out of the grave, and the
next second darkness wiped it all out, and you
couldn’t see anything at all.
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At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew the lid,
At last they pulled out the coffin and began to unscrew
and then such another crowding and shouldering and
shoving as there was, to scrouge in and get a sight, you
the lid. There was more crowding and shoulder
rubbing and shoving to take a look than you’ve ever
never see; and in the dark, that way, it was awful. Hines he
hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and tugging so, and I reckon
seen. And because it was all happening in the dark, it
was just awful. Hines pulled and tugged so hard that
he clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited and
panting.
he hurt my wrist pretty badly—I suppose he forgot that
I even existed. He was panting with excitement.
All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect sluice of white
glare, and somebody sings out:
All of a sudden the lightning flashed a perfect bolt of
white light. Someone cried out:
“By the living jingo, here’s the bag of gold on his breast!”
“By devil, here’s the bag of gold on his breast!”
Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and dropped my
Hines let out a whoop along with everyone else. He let
wrist and give a big surge to bust his way in and get a look,
and the way I lit out and shinned for the road in the dark
go of my wrist and shoved his way forward to get a
look. That’s when I took off. You’ve never seen
there ain’t nobody can tell.
anyone run faster than I did as I headed for the road.
I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew—leastways, I
I was alone on the road—well, except for the
had it all to myself except the solid dark, and the now-andthen glares, and the buzzing of the rain, and the thrashing of
darkness, the flashes of lightening, the pelting rain,
the thrashing wind, and the ear-splitting thunder. I flew
the wind, and the splitting of the thunder; and sure as you
are born I did clip it along!
along that road, and as sure as you were born, I ran
fast.
When I struck the town I see there warn’t nobody out in the
storm, so I never hunted for no back streets, but humped it
When I reached the town, I saw that there wasn’t
anyone out in the storm, so I didn’t bother going down
straight through the main one; and when I begun to get
towards our house I aimed my eye and set it. No light there;
the back streets. Instead, I ran straight down the main
street. As I got closer to our house, I ran even harder
the house all dark—which made me feel sorry and
straight for it. The house was completely dark; there
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disappointed, I didn’t know why. But at last, just as I was
sailing by, FLASH comes the light in Mary Jane’s window!
was no light at all. I don’t know why, but this made me
feel sad and disappointed. But just when I was
and my heart swelled up sudden, like to bust; and the same
second the house and all was behind me in the dark, and
running by, FLASH came a light in Mary Jane’s
window! My heart swelled so much that it could have
wasn’t ever going to be before me no more in this world.
She WAS the best girl I ever see, and had the most sand.
burst. In another second the house and everything
else was behind me and in the dark. Never again
would I be back, not in this lifetime anyway. She WAS
the best girl I ever met, and the most courageous too.
The minute I was far enough above the town to see I could
make the towhead, I begun to look sharp for a boat to
As soon as I was far enough above the town that I
could reach the towhead, I began to look carefully for
borrow, and the first time the lightning showed me one that
wasn’t chained I snatched it and shoved. It was a canoe,
a boat I could borrow. The first time the lightning lit up
a boat that wasn’t chained, I took it and shoved off into
and warn’t fastened with nothing but a rope. The towhead
was a rattling big distance off, away out there in the middle
the river. It was a canoe that had been fastened to the
shore with a rope. The towhead was pretty far off in
of the river, but I didn’t lose no time; and when I struck the
raft at last I was so fagged I would a just laid down to blow
the distance, way out in the middle of the river, but I
didn’t waste any time. When I finally reached the raft, I
and gasp if I could afforded it. But I didn’t. As I sprung
aboard I sung out:
was so exhausted I could have just lied down and
heaved and gasped for breath, if I had the time. But I
didn’t. As I got aboard I cried out:
“Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! Glory be to goodness,
“Come out here, Jim, and set the raft loose! Good
we’re shut of them!”
gracious, we’re rid of them!”
Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms spread,
Jim came out and was so happy that he came over
he was so full of joy; but when I glimpsed him in the lightning
my heart shot up in my mouth and I went overboard
me with both arms spread. But when I saw him in a
flash of lightning, my heart jumped up into my throat,
backwards; for I forgot he was old King Lear and a
drownded A-rab all in one, and it most scared the livers and
and I fell over backwards and off the raft—I’d forgotten
that he’d been made to look like a cross between old
lights out of me. But Jim fished me out, and was going to
hug me and bless me, and so on, he was so glad I was back
King Lear and a drowned A-rab. It scared the living
daylights out of me. Jim fished me out of the water. He
and we was shut of the king and the duke, but I says:
was going to hug me and bless me and so on
because he was so glad I was back and that we were
rid of the king and the duke, but I said:
“Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for breakfast! Cut
“Not now—save it for breakfast, save it for breakfast!
loose and let her slide!”
Cut the raft loose, and let it float down the river!”
So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the river,
In two second, we were away and gliding down the
and it DID seem so good to be free again and all by
ourselves on the big river, and nobody to bother us. I had to
river. It DID feel so good to be free again and all by
ourselves on the big river with no one to bother us. I
skip around a bit, and jump up and crack my heels a few
times—I couldn’t help it; but about the third crack I noticed a
had to pace around a bit and jump and crack my joints
a few times—I couldn’t help it. But after the third time I
sound that I knowed mighty well, and held my breath and
listened and waited; and sure enough, when the next flash
did this, I noticed a sound that I knew all too well. I
held my breath and listened and waited, and sure
busted out over the water, here they come!—and just alaying to their oars and making their skiff hum! It was the
enough—when the next flash of lightning lit up the
water, there they were, paddling their skiff furiously
king and the duke.
and flying over the water! It was the king and duke.
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So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and give up;
and it was all I could do to keep from crying.
I collapsed onto the planks of the raft and gave up. It
was all I could do to keep from crying.
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WHEN they got aboard the king went for me, and shook me
by the collar, and says:
The king came after me as soon as they got on board.
He shook me by the collar and said:
“Tryin’ to give us the slip, was ye, you pup! Tired of our
company, hey?”
“Trying to run away from us, were you, kid? Tired of
our company, huh?”
I says:
I said:
“No, your majesty, we warn’t—PLEASE don’t, your majesty!”
“No, your majesty, we weren’t. Please don’t, your
majesty!”
“Quick, then, and tell us what WAS your idea, or I’ll shake
“Well then tell us what you were trying to do, or I’ll
the insides out o’ you!”
shake you inside out!”
“Honest, I’ll tell you everything just as it happened, your
“I swear I’ll tell you everything just like it happened,
majesty. The man that had a-holt of me was very good to
me, and kept saying he had a boy about as big as me that
your majesty. The man that had hold of me was very
nice to me, and he kept saying he had a boy about my
died last year, and he was sorry to see a boy in such a
dangerous fix; and when they was all took by surprise by
size who died last year. He was sorry to see another
boy in such a dangerous situation. When they were all
finding the gold, and made a rush for the coffin, he lets go of
me and whispers, ’Heel it now, or they’ll hang ye, sure!’ and
distracted and rushed toward the coffin after finding
the gold, he let go of me and whispered, ‘Run now, or
I lit out. It didn’t seem no good for ME to stay—I couldn’t do
nothing, and I didn’t want to be hung if I could get away. So I
they’ll hang you for sure!’ So I took off. It didn’t seem
like it would do me any good to stay—I couldn’t do
never stopped running till I found the canoe; and when I got
here I told Jim to hurry, or they’d catch me and hang me yet,
anything and I didn’t want to be hanged if I could
escape. So I ran and didn’t stop running until I found
and said I was afeard you and the duke wasn’t alive now,
and I was awful sorry, and so was Jim, and was awful glad
the canoe. When I got here, I told Jim to hurry or else
I’d be caught and hanged. I said that I was afraid you
when we see you coming; you may ask Jim if I didn’t.”
and the duke were dead. I was awfully sorry and so
was Jim, and we were awfully glad to see that you
were coming. You can ask Jim if it’s true.”
Jim said it was so; and the king told him to shut up, and
Jim said it was true. The king told him to shut up, then
said, “Oh, yes, it’s MIGHTY likely!” and shook me up again,
and said he reckoned he’d drownd me. But the duke says:
said: “Oh sure, THAT’S a likely story!” He shook me
again and said he should go ahead and drown me.
But the duke said:
“Leggo the boy, you old idiot! Would YOU a done any
“Let go of the boy, you old idiot. Would YOU have
different? Did you inquire around for HIM when you got
loose? I don’t remember it.”
done any different? Did you ask around for HIM when
you escaped? I don’t remember you doing so.”
So the king let go of me, and begun to cuss that town and
everybody in it. But the duke says:
So the king let go of me and began to swear at that
town and everyone in it. But the duke said:
“You better a blame’ sight give YOURSELF a good cussing,
“You better swear at yourself too, because you’re the
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for you’re the one that’s entitled to it most. You hain’t done a
thing from the start that had any sense in it, except coming
one that deserves the most blame. Since the
beginning, you haven’t done one sensible thing,
out so cool and cheeky with that imaginary blue-arrow mark.
That WAS bright—it was right down bully; and it was the
except for coming up with that slick imaginary blue
arrow mark. That WAS smart—it was pretty great,
thing that saved us. For if it hadn’t been for that they’d a
jailed us till them Englishmen’s baggage come—and then—
actually, and was the thing that saved us. If it hadn’t
been for that, they would have put us in jail until that
the penitentiary, you bet! But that trick took ’em to the
graveyard, and the gold done us a still bigger kindness; for if
Englishman’s bags arrived. And then they would have
put us in the penitentiary for sure! Your little trick sent
the excited fools hadn’t let go all holts and made that rush to
get a look we’d a slept in our cravats to-night—cravats
them to the graveyard, though, and the gold helped us
out even more. If those excited fools hadn’t let go of
warranted to WEAR, too—longer than WE’D need ’em.”
us and rushed to get a look, we would have been
sleeping in our neckties tonight, and we would be
wearing them much longer than we’d ever need to.”
They was still a minute—thinking; then the king says, kind of
They stood there a minute thinking. Then the king
absent-minded like:
absent-mindedly said:
“Mf! And we reckoned the NIGGERS stole it!”
“Huh! And we thought the N------ had stolen it!”
That made me squirm!
That made me squirm!
“Yes,” says the duke, kinder slow and deliberate and
“Yes,” said the duke, in a slow, deliberate, and
sarcastic, “WE did.”
sarcastic manner. “WE did.”
After about a half a minute the king drawls out:
About half a minute later the king drawled:
“Leastways, I did.”
“At least, I thought they did.”
The duke says, the same way:
In the same tone, the duke said:
“On the contrary, I did.”
“Oh, I did.”
The king kind of ruffles up, and says:
The king ruffled up a bit and said:
“Looky here, Bilgewater, what’r you referrin’ to?”
“Look here, Bilgewater. What’re you getting at?”
The duke says, pretty brisk:
The duke said briskly:
“When it comes to that, maybe you’ll let me ask, what was
YOU referring to?”
“If you’re going to put it that way, let me ask you: What
were YOU getting at?”
“Shucks!” says the king, very sarcastic; “but I don’t know—
maybe you was asleep, and didn’t know what you was
“Geez,” said the king, very sarcastically. “I don’t
know—maybe you were asleep and didn’t know what
about.”
was going on.”
The duke bristles up now, and says:
The duke bristled and said:
“Oh, let UP on this cussed nonsense; do you take me for a
blame’ fool? Don’t you reckon I know who hid that money in
“Will you forget about all this nonsense? Do you think
I’m an idiot? Don’t you think I know who hid that
that coffin?”
money in the coffin?”
“YES, sir! I know you DO know, because you done it
“YES, sir! I know you DO know, because you did it
yourself!”
yourself!”
“It’s a lie!"—and the duke went for him. The king sings out:
“Liar!” the duke said as he lunged for the king. The
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king cried:
“Take y’r hands off!—leggo my throat!—I take it all back!”
“Take your hands off me! Let go of my throat! I take it
all back!”
The duke says:
The duke said:
“Well, you just own up, first, that you DID hide that money
there, intending to give me the slip one of these days, and
“Well, just admit that you DID hide that money in the
coffin with the intention of leaving me one of these
come back and dig it up, and have it all to yourself.”
days and coming back to dig it up and keep to
yourself.”
“Wait jest a minute, duke—answer me this one question,
honest and fair; if you didn’t put the money there, say it, and
“Wait just a minute, duke. Answer this one question
honestly for me. If you didn’t put the money there,
I’ll b’lieve you, and take back everything I said.”
then just say it. I’ll believe you and take back
everything I said.”
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“You old scoundrel, I didn’t, and you know I didn’t. There,
now!”
“You old scoundrel. I didn’t, and you know I didn’t.
There!”
“Well, then, I b’lieve you. But answer me only jest this one
more—now DON’T git mad; didn’t you have it in your mind
“Well, then I believe you. But answer just one more
question for me. Now don’t get mad, but weren’t you
to hook the money and hide it?”
planning to the steal the money and hide it?”
The duke never said nothing for a little bit; then he says:
The duke didn’t say anything for a bit. Then he said:
“Well, I don’t care if I DID, I didn’t DO it, anyway. But you not
only had it in mind to do it, but you DONE it.”
“Well, what does it matter if I DID plan that? I didn’t
DO it. You were also thinking about doing it, and you
actually did it.”
“I wisht I never die if I done it, duke, and that’s honest. I
“If I did it, duke, then I wish I would never die. That’s
won’t say I warn’t goin’ to do it, because I WAS; but you—I
mean somebody—got in ahead o’ me.”
the honest truth. I won’t say I wasn’t planning to do it,
because I WAS. But you—I mean, someone—beat
me to it.”
“It’s a lie! You done it, and you got to SAY you done it, or—”
“Liar! You did it, and you had better SAY you did, or
else….”
The king began to gurgle, and then he gasps out:
The king sputtered a bit, then gasped:
“’Nough!—I OWN UP!”
“Enough! I confess!”
I was very glad to hear him say that; it made me feel much
I was very glad to hear him say this—it made me feel
more easier than what I was feeling before. So the duke
took his hands off and says:
much easier about things. So the duke let go of the
king and said:
“If you ever deny it again I’ll drown you. It’s WELL for you to
set there and blubber like a baby—it’s fitten for you, after the
“If you ever deny it again, I’ll drown you. It’s a fine
thing for you to sit there and cry like a baby—it’s just
way you’ve acted. I never see such an old ostrich for
perfect, especially after the way you acted. I’ve never
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wanting to gobble everything—and I a-trusting you all the
time, like you was my own father. You ought to been
seen such a greedy old ostrich who wanted to eat up
everything in sight. I trusted you the whole time as if
ashamed of yourself to stand by and hear it saddled on to a
lot of poor niggers, and you never say a word for ’em. It
you were my own father. You ought to be ashamed of
yourself to stand there and let a bunch of poor n------
makes me feel ridiculous to think I was soft enough to
BELIEVE that rubbage. Cuss you, I can see now why you
take the blame without coming to their defense. It
makes me feel ridiculous to think I was gullible enough
was so anxious to make up the deffisit—you wanted to get
what money I’d got out of the Nonesuch and one thing or
to BELIEVE that rubbish. Damn you. I can see now
why you were so anxious to make up the deficit—you
another, and scoop it ALL!”
wanted to get all the money that I’d made from the
other schemes too!”
The king says, timid, and still a-snuffling:
Still sniffling, the king said rather timidly:
“Why, duke, it was you that said make up the deffisit; it
“Why, duke, it was you that suggested making up the
warn’t me.”
deficit. It wasn’t me.”
“Dry up! I don’t want to hear no more out of you!” says the
“Stop crying! I don’t want to hear anything more out of
duke. “And NOW you see what you GOT by it. They’ve got
all their own money back, and all of OURN but a shekel or
you,” said the duke. “And NOW you see what came of
all your scheming. They’ve got all their own money
two BESIDES. G’long to bed, and don’t you deffersit ME no
more deffersits, long ’s YOU live!”
back, and with the exception of a coin or two, all of
ours too! Go to bed, and don’t say another word to ME
about deficits for as long as you live!”
So the king sneaked into the wigwam and took to his bottle
The king snuck back into the wigwam and started
for comfort, and before long the duke tackled HIS bottle; and
so in about a half an hour they was as thick as thieves
drinking to consol himself. After awhile, the duke took
to his bottle and started drinking too. In about a half an
again, and the tighter they got the lovinger they got, and
went off a-snoring in each other’s arms. They both got
hour, they were good buddies again. The drunker they
got, the friendlier they got. Soon they were snoring in
powerful mellow, but I noticed the king didn’t get mellow
enough to forget to remember to not deny about hiding the
each other’s arms. They got pretty drunk, but the king
was just sober enough to deny hiding the bag of
money-bag again. That made me feel easy and satisfied. Of
course when they got to snoring we had a long gabble, and I
money one more time. That made me relax a bit and
feel satisfied that things were going to be okay. Of
told Jim everything.
course, as soon as they started snoring, Jim and I had
a long talk, and I told him everything.
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WE dasn’t stop again at any town for days and days; kept
right along down the river. We was down south in the warm
We didn’t stop at any town for several days—we just
kept floating down the river. We were getting further
weather now, and a mighty long ways from home. We
begun to come to trees with Spanish moss on them,
south now and the weather was warming. We were a
pretty long way from home. We started to come
hanging down from the limbs like long, gray beards. It was
the first I ever see it growing, and it made the woods look
across trees with Spanish moss hanging down from
the limbs like long, gray beards. It was the first time I’d
solemn and dismal. So now the frauds reckoned they was
out of danger, and they begun to work the villages again.
ever seen it growing, and it made the woods look
solemn and dismal. The frauds figured that they were
out of danger now, and they began to scam the
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people in the local villages again.
First they done a lecture on temperance; but they didn’t
First, they put on a lecture on temperance, but they
make enough for them both to get drunk on. Then in another
village they started a dancing-school; but they didn’t know
didn’t even make enough money for both of them to
get drunk on. In another village they started a dancing
no more how to dance than a kangaroo does; so the first
prance they made the general public jumped in and pranced
school. But they didn’t know to dance any better than
a kangaroo, so the first time they pranced around for
them out of town. Another time they tried to go at
yellocution; but they didn’t yellocute long till the audience got
the general public, the people stepped in and praned
THEM out of town. Another time they tried to make a
up and give them a solid good cussing, and made them skip
out. They tackled missionarying, and mesmerizing, and
business of yellocution, but they didn’t yellocute long
before the audience got up and started swearing at
doctoring, and telling fortunes, and a little of everything; but
they couldn’t seem to have no luck. So at last they got just
them and ran them off. They tried their hands at being
missionaries, hypnotists, doctors, and fortunetellers,
about dead broke, and laid around the raft as she floated
along, thinking and thinking, and never saying nothing, by
and a little bit of everything else, but they didn’t have
much luck. They were just about dead broke, so they
the half a day at a time, and dreadful blue and desperate.
laid everything they owned out on the raft as we were
floating along. They would think and think, without
saying a word for half days at a time, looking very blue
and desperate.
And at last they took a change and begun to lay their heads
together in the wigwam and talk low and confidential two or
They finally stopped moping and put their heads
together. They would in the wigwam and talk
three hours at a time. Jim and me got uneasy. We didn’t like
the look of it. We judged they was studying up some kind of
confidentially with their voices low for two or three
hours at a time. We figured they were coming up with
worse deviltry than ever. We turned it over and over, and at
last we made up our minds they was going to break into
some kind of terrible plan that was even worse than
the previous ones. We thought and thought about it
somebody’s house or store, or was going into the
counterfeit-money business, or something. So then we was
ourselves, and finally made up our minds that they
were planning on breaking into someone’s house or
pretty scared, and made up an agreement that we wouldn’t
have nothing in the world to do with such actions, and if we
store or counterfeiting money or something. That
made us pretty scared, and we agreed that we
ever got the least show we would give them the cold shake
and clear out and leave them behind. Well, early one
wouldn’t have anything in the world to do with
whatever they were planning. And if we ever got
morning we hid the raft in a good, safe place about two mile
below a little bit of a shabby village named Pikesville, and
mixed up in their plans, we would shake free of them
and leave them to fend for themselves. Well, early one
the king he went ashore and told us all to stay hid whilst he
went up to town and smelt around to see if anybody had got
morning we hid the raft in a good, safe hiding place
about two miles below a shabby little village called
any wind of the Royal Nonesuch there yet. ("House to rob,
you MEAN,” says I to myself; “and when you get through
Pikesville. The king went ashore and told us to stay
hidden while he went into the town and sniffed around
robbing it you’ll come back here and wonder what has
become of me and Jim and the raft—and you’ll have to take
to see if anyone had gotten wind of the Royal
Nonesuch scam. (You mean, look for a house to rob, I
it out in wondering.”) And he said if he warn’t back by
midday the duke and me would know it was all right, and we
said to myself. And when you get through robbing it,
you’ll come back here and wonder where Jim and I
was to come along.
went with the raft—and you’ll just have to spend the
rest of your life wondering.) He said that if he wasn’t
back by noon, the duke and I would know it was okay
and could follow him into town.
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So we stayed where we was. The duke he fretted and
sweated around, and was in a mighty sour way. He scolded
So we stayed where we were. The duke fretted and
worried and acted sour. He scolded us for everything,
us for everything, and we couldn’t seem to do nothing right;
he found fault with every little thing. Something was a-
and it seemed like we couldn’t do anything right—he
found fault with every little thing. Something was
brewing, sure. I was good and glad when midday come and
no king; we could have a change, anyway—and maybe a
definitely up. I was really glad when noon came and
the king still wasn’t back, because it meant that
chance for THE chance on top of it. So me and the duke
went up to the village, and hunted around there for the king,
there’d at least be a change in things, and maybe a
chance to ditch these guys if we were lucky. So the
and by and by we found him in the back room of a little low
doggery, very tight, and a lot of loafers bullyragging him for
duke and I went into the village and searched around
for the king. Pretty soon we found him in the back
sport, and he a-cussing and a-threatening with all his might,
and so tight he couldn’t walk, and couldn’t do nothing to
room of a rundown saloon. He was drunk and there
was a group of loafers teasing him. He cussed and
them. The duke he begun to abuse him for an old fool, and
the king begun to sass back, and the minute they was fairly
threatened them with all his might, but he was so
drunk that he couldn’t have done anything to them
at it I lit out and shook the reefs out of my hind legs, and
spun down the river road like a deer, for I see our chance;
anyway. The duke began to yell at him and called him
an old fool. The king started to yell back at him. The
and I made up my mind that it would be a long day before
they ever see me and Jim again. I got down there all out of
next minute they were at each other, so I ran back
down to the raft as fast as my legs would take me.
breath but loaded up with joy, and sung out:
This was our chance, and I was determined that it
would be a long time before they ever saw Jim and
me again. I was all out of breath but very happy when
I reached the raft. I cried out:
“Set her loose, Jim! we’re all right now!”
“Let’s get going, Jim! We’re all clear now!”
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But there warn’t no answer, and nobody come out of the
But I didn’t get an answer, and no one came out of the
wigwam. Jim was gone! I set up a shout—and then
another—and then another one; and run this way and that in
wigwam. Jim was gone! I shouted for him—then
shouted again—and then again. I ran this way and
the woods, whooping and screeching; but it warn’t no use—
old Jim was gone. Then I set down and cried; I couldn’t help
that through the woods, whooping and hollering for
him, but it wasn’t any use—old Jim was gone. I sat
it. But I couldn’t set still long. Pretty soon I went out on the
road, trying to think what I better do, and I run across a boy
down a cried. I just couldn’t help it. But I couldn’t sit
still for long. Pretty soon I was back on the road, trying
walking, and asked him if he’d seen a strange nigger
dressed so and so, and he says:
to figure out what I should do. That’s when I came
across a boy walking by. I asked him if he’d seen a
strange n----- fitting Jim’s description, and he said:
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Whereabouts?” says I.
“Where?” I asked.
“Down to Silas Phelps’ place, two mile below here. He’s a
“Down by Silas Phelps’s place, about two miles down
runaway nigger, and they’ve got him. Was you looking for
him?”
the river. He’s a runaway n-----, and they’ve captured
him. Were you looking for him?”
“You bet I ain’t! I run across him in the woods about an hour
“Of course not! I ran across him in the woods about an
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or two ago, and he said if I hollered he’d cut my livers out—
and told me to lay down and stay where I was; and I done it.
hour or two ago, and he said that he’d cut my liver out
if I said anything. He told me to lay down and stay
Been there ever since; afeard to come out.”
where I was, so I did. I’ve been there ever since,
because I was afraid to come out.”
“Well,” he says, “you needn’t be afeard no more, becuz
they’ve got him. He run off f’m down South, som’ers.”
“Well,” he said, “you don’t need to be afraid any more,
because they’ve got him. He’d run away from some
place south of here.”
“It’s a good job they got him.”
“It’s a good thing they caught him.”
“Well, I RECKON! There’s two hunderd dollars reward on
him. It’s like picking up money out’n the road.”
“I WOULD SAY so! There’s a two hundred dollar
reward out for him. It’s like picking up money off the
street.”
“Yes, it is—and I could a had it if I’d been big enough; I see
“Yes, it is—and since I saw him first, I could have had
him FIRST. Who nailed him?”
that money if I was big enough to capture him. Who
caught him?”
“It was an old fellow—a stranger—and he sold out his
chance in him for forty dollars, becuz he’s got to go up the
“It was an old fellow—a stranger. He handed him over
for just forty dollars because he had to go up river for
river and can’t wait. Think o’ that, now! You bet I’D wait, if it
was seven year.”
some reason and couldn’t wait for the full reward. Just
think of that! Had it been me, you BET I would have
waited, even if it took seven years!”
“That’s me, every time,” says I. “But maybe his chance ain’t
“Me too,” I said. “But maybe he didn’t even deserve
worth no more than that, if he’ll sell it so cheap. Maybe
there’s something ain’t straight about it.”
the forty dollars, if he was willing to settle for so little
money. There’s something that doesn’t seem right
about it.”
“But it IS, though—straight as a string. I see the handbill
“But it IS legitimate—everything’s as straight as a
myself. It tells all about him, to a dot—paints him like a
picture, and tells the plantation he’s frum, below
string. I saw the handbill myself. It described him
perfectly. It had a little picture that looked exactly like
NewrLEANS. No-sirree-BOB, they ain’t no trouble ’bout
THAT speculation, you bet you. Say, gimme a chaw
him and described the plantation where he’s from—
some place down the river from New Orleans. Yes, sir,
tobacker, won’t ye?”
there’s no funny business going on. Hey, you got any
chewing tobacco to spare?”
I didn’t have none, so he left. I went to the raft, and set down
in the wigwam to think. But I couldn’t come to nothing. I
I didn’t have any, so he left. Then I went to the raft and
sat down in the wigwam to think. But I couldn’t think of
thought till I wore my head sore, but I couldn’t see no way
out of the trouble. After all this long journey, and after all
what I should do. I thought and thought until my head
hurt, but I didn’t see any way out of this situation. After
we’d done for them scoundrels, here it was all come to
nothing, everything all busted up and ruined, because they
this whole journey—after all we’d done for those
scoundrels—we were going to get nothing out of it.
could have the heart to serve Jim such a trick as that, and
make him a slave again all his life, and amongst strangers,
Everything was ruined, because those heartless guys
sold Jim back into slavery—and to strangers too. And
too, for forty dirty dollars.
they did it all for a measly forty dollars.
Once I said to myself it would be a thousand times better for
I figured that if Jim HAD to be a slave, then it would
Jim to be a slave at home where his family was, as long as
he’d GOT to be a slave, and so I’d better write a letter to
have been a thousand times better if he were a slave
back home with his family. I thought I should write to
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Tom Sawyer and tell him to tell Miss Watson where he was.
But I soon give up that notion for two things: she’d be mad
Tom Sawyer to have him tell Miss Watson where Jim
was. But I gave up on that idea for two reasons. One,
and disgusted at his rascality and ungratefulness for leaving
her, and so she’d sell him straight down the river again; and
she’d be so mad and disgusted with him for being
devious and ungrateful by leaving her that she might
if she didn’t, everybody naturally despises an ungrateful
nigger, and they’d make Jim feel it all the time, and so he’d
sell him down the river again. And even if she didn’t,
every one despises an ungrateful n-----, and would
feel ornery and disgraced. And then think of ME! It would get
all around that Huck Finn helped a nigger to get his
give Jim a hard time. He’d constantly feel terrible and
disgraced. Two, just think of what would happen to
freedom; and if I was ever to see anybody from that town
again I’d be ready to get down and lick his boots for shame.
me! Word would get around that Huck Finn had
helped a n----- runaway to freedom. And if I ever ran
That’s just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and
then he don’t want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as
into anyone from that town again, I’d have to get down
on my knees and lick his boots out of shame. That’s
long as he can hide, it ain’t no disgrace. That was my fix
exactly. The more I studied about this the more my
just how things work: A person never wants to face
the consequences when he does something awful. I
conscience went to grinding me, and the more wicked and
low-down and ornery I got to feeling. And at last, when it hit
decided that as long as Jim could hide, there would be
no such disgrace. And that was the fix I was in. The
me all of a sudden that here was the plain hand of
Providence slapping me in the face and letting me know my
more I thought about it, the more my conscience
bothered me, and the more wicked and awful I felt.
wickedness was being watched all the time from up there in
heaven, whilst I was stealing a poor old woman’s nigger that
And then it suddenly hit me: This new problem was
just Providence’s way of slapping me in the face and
hadn’t ever done me no harm, and now was showing me
there’s One that’s always on the lookout, and ain’t a-going to
letting me know that my wickedness was being
watched all the time from up in heaven. I was stealing
allow no such miserable doings to go only just so fur and no
further, I most dropped in my tracks I was so scared. Well, I
a n----- from a poor old woman who had never done
anything bad to me, and now I was being shown that
tried the best I could to kinder soften it up somehow for
myself by saying I was brung up wicked, and so I warn’t so
God was always on the lookout and would only allow
such awful things to go on for so long. I was so scared
much to blame; but something inside of me kept saying,
“There was the Sunday-school, you could a gone to it; and if
that I almost fell to the ground. I tried the best I could
to rationalize my actions by blaming my wicked
you’d a done it they’d a learnt you there that people that acts
as I’d been acting about that nigger goes to everlasting fire.”
upbringing. But something inside of me kept saying,
“You could have gone to Sunday school, where you
would have learned that people who’ve been acting
the way you have to help that n----- will burn in
everlasting hellfire.”
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It made me shiver. And I about made up my mind to pray,
Just thinking about it made me shiver. I made up my
and see if I couldn’t try to quit being the kind of a boy I was
and be better. So I kneeled down. But the words wouldn’t
mind to start praying that I could stop being wicked
and become a better boy. So I kneeled down—but the
come. Why wouldn’t they? It warn’t no use to try and hide it
from Him. Nor from ME, neither. I knowed very well why
words wouldn’t come. Why not? It was no use to try
and hide it from Him, or from ME either. I knew exactly
they wouldn’t come. It was because my heart warn’t right; it
was because I warn’t square; it was because I was playing
why those words wouldn’t come. It was because my
heart wasn’t in the right place. It was because I wasn’t
double. I was letting ON to give up sin, but away inside of
being honest with myself. I was lying to myself and to
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me I was holding on to the biggest one of all. I was trying to
make my mouth SAY I would do the right thing and the
HIM. I was saying that I was going to give up doing
bad things, but deep down inside I was doing the
clean thing, and go and write to that nigger’s owner and tell
where he was; but deep down in me I knowed it was a lie,
worst thing of all. I was trying to make my mouth SAY I
would do the right and honest thing and go write to
and He knowed it. You can’t pray a lie—I found that out.
that n-----’s owner and tell her where he was. But deep
down inside I knew it was a lie, and HE knew it too. I
found out that day that you can’t pray a lie.
So I was full of trouble, full as I could be; and didn’t know
So I was in a lot of trouble, about as much trouble as I
what to do. At last I had an idea; and I says, I’ll go and write
the letter—and then see if I can pray. Why, it was
could be in. And I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I had
an idea. I told myself that I’d go and write the letter.
astonishing, the way I felt as light as a feather right straight
off, and my troubles all gone. So I got a piece of paper and a
Then I would see if I could pray. Why, it was amazing
how much better I felt right away. It was as if all my
pencil, all glad and excited, and set down and wrote:
troubles were gone. Happy and excited, I got out
paper and pencil, sat down, and wrote:
Miss Watson, your runaway nigger Jim is down here two
mile below Pikesville, and Mr. Phelps has got him and he
Miss Watson, your runaway n-----, Jim, is down here
two miles below the town of Pikesville. Mr. Phelps has
will give him up for the reward if you send.
caught him and will give him up for the reward if you
send word.
HUCK FINN.
HUCK FINN.
I felt good and all washed clean of sin for the first time I had
I felt good as if I’d been cleansed of all the sin for the
ever felt so in my life, and I knowed I could pray now. But I
didn’t do it straight off, but laid the paper down and set there
first time in my life. I’d never felt so good, and I knew I
could pray now. But I didn’t start praying right away—I
thinking—thinking how good it was all this happened so, and
how near I come to being lost and going to hell. And went on
set the paper down and just sat there thinking about
how good it was that everything had happened the
thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and
I see Jim before me all the time: in the day and in the night-
way it had and how nearly I’d come to being lost
forever and going to hell. And I kept on thinking. I got
time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we afloating along, talking and singing and laughing. But
to thinking about our entire trip down the river, and I
saw Jim in my head the whole time—in the daytime
somehow I couldn’t seem to strike no places to harden me
against him, but only the other kind. I’d see him standing my
and in the nighttime, sometimes in the moonlight,
sometimes during storms, and sometimes while we
watch on top of his’n, ’stead of calling me, so I could go on
sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back
were just floating along, talking and singing and
laughing. But for some reason I just couldn’t come up
out of the fog; and when I come to him again in the swamp,
up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and
with anything that would make me feel indifferently
toward him. In fact, it was just the opposite. I could
would always call me honey, and pet me and do everything
he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and
see him taking a double watch so that I could go on
sleeping. I saw how glad he was when I came back
at last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we
had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful, and said I
out of the fog and when I came to him in the swamp
back there where the feud was. And I remembered
was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the
ONLY one he’s got now; and then I happened to look
other good times. He would always call me honey and
pet me and do everything he could for me. I
around and see that paper.
remembered how good he always was to me. And
finally I remembered the time I saved him by telling the
men people infected with smallpox were aboard our
raft, and how he’d been so grateful and said I was the
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best friend he’d ever had and the only one he had
now. And then I happened to look down and see my
letter to Miss Watson.
It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I
It was a difficult situation. I picked up the letter, and
was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide, forever, betwixt
two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of
held it in my hand. I was trembling, because I knew
had to make a choice between two things, and the
holding my breath, and then says to myself:
outcome of my decision would last forever. I thought
about it a minute while I held my breath. And then I
said to myself:
“All right, then, I’ll GO to hell"—and tore it up.
“All right, then, I’ll GO to hell.” And I tore the letter up.
It was awful thoughts and awful words, but they was said.
And I let them stay said; and never thought no more about
Those were awful thoughts and awful words, but that’s
what I said. And I didn’t take them back, either, and I
reforming. I shoved the whole thing out of my head, and said
I would take up wickedness again, which was in my line,
never had any more thoughts about reforming. I
shoved the whole thing out of my mind and said I’d go
being brung up to it, and the other warn’t. And for a starter I
would go to work and steal Jim out of slavery again; and if I
back to being wicked again. It was what I’d been
brought up to do and what I was good at—I wasn’t
could think up anything worse, I would do that, too; because
as long as I was in, and in for good, I might as well go the
good at being good. For starters, I’d start working on
how to steal Jim out of slavery again. And if I could
whole hog.
think of doing anything worse than that, then I’d do
that too. If I was going to be bad from now on, then I
might as well do it right.
Then I set to thinking over how to get at it, and turned over
I started thinking about how I’d rescue Jim. I thought
some considerable many ways in my mind; and at last fixed
up a plan that suited me. So then I took the bearings of a
about a lot of different options, but finally came up with
a plan that suited me. I had noted the direction and
woody island that was down the river a piece, and as soon
as it was fairly dark I crept out with my raft and went for it,
position of a wooded island a little way down the river.
As soon as it was dark enough, I headed for it, hid
and hid it there, and then turned in. I slept the night through,
and got up before it was light, and had my breakfast, and
there, and went to sleep. I slept through the night, and
got up before it was light. I ate breakfast, put on my
put on my store clothes, and tied up some others and one
thing or another in a bundle, and took the canoe and cleared
store clothes, tied up some more clothes and other
things in a bundle, and headed for shore in the canoe.
for shore. I landed below where I judged was Phelps’s
place, and hid my bundle in the woods, and then filled up
I landed a bit downstream from where I figured
Phelps’s place was and hid my bundle in the woods.
the canoe with water, and loaded rocks into her and sunk
her where I could find her again when I wanted her, about a
Then I filled the canoe with rocks and water and sunk
it near the bank next to the mouth of a stream, about a
quarter of a mile below a little steam sawmill that was on the
bank.
quarter miles down the river from a sawmill. I knew I
could find it again when I needed it
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Then I struck up the road, and when I passed the mill I see a
sign on it, “Phelps’s Sawmill,” and when I come to the farm-
Then I headed up the road. When I passed the mill, I
saw a sign on it that said, “Phelps’s Sawmill.” I came
houses, two or three hundred yards further along, I kept my
to the farmhouses about two or three hundred yards
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eyes peeled, but didn’t see nobody around, though it was
good daylight now. But I didn’t mind, because I didn’t want
further along. I looked around but didn’t see anyone,
even though it was broad daylight by now. I didn’t
to see nobody just yet—I only wanted to get the lay of the
land. According to my plan, I was going to turn up there from
mind, though, because I didn’t want to see anyone just
yet—I just wanted to get the lay of the land. According
the village, not from below. So I just took a look, and shoved
along, straight for town. Well, the very first man I see when I
to my plan, I was going to show up at the Phelps’s
place from the direction of the village, not from
got there was the duke. He was sticking up a bill for the
Royal Nonesuch—three-night performance—like that other
downstream. So I took a quick look, then headed
straight for the town. The first man I saw when I got
time. They had the cheek, them frauds! I was right on him
before I could shirk. He looked astonished, and says:
there was the duke! He was posting a bill for the Royal
Nonesuch scam, a three-night performance, just like
before. They sure had guts, those frauds!
Unfortunately, I ran into him before I could get away
without being seen. He looked astonished and said:
“Hel-LO! Where’d YOU come from?” Then he says, kind of
“HEL-LO! Where’d you come from?” Then he said,
glad and eager, “Where’s the raft?—got her in a good
place?”
kind of eagerly and happily: “Where’s the raft? Hidden
it in a good place?”
I says:
I said:
“Why, that’s just what I was going to ask your grace.”
“Why, that’s just what I was going to ask YOU, Your
Grace.”
Then he didn’t look so joyful, and says:
Then he didn’t look so happy. He said:
“What was your idea for asking ME?” he says.
“Why would you ask ME that?”
“Well,” I says, “when I see the king in that doggery yesterday
“Well,” I said, “when I saw the king in that saloon
I says to myself, we can’t get him home for hours, till he’s
soberer; so I went a-loafing around town to put in the time
yesterday, I knew that we wouldn’t be able to get him
home for hours until he sobered up. So I wandered
and wait. A man up and offered me ten cents to help him
pull a skiff over the river and back to fetch a sheep, and so I
around town to kill some time. A man came up to me
and offered me ten cents to help him pull a skiff
went along; but when we was dragging him to the boat, and
the man left me a-holt of the rope and went behind him to
across the river and back to get a sheep. I said yes
and went with him. We were dragging the sheep to the
shove him along, he was too strong for me and jerked loose
and run, and we after him. We didn’t have no dog, and so
boat, when the man left me to hold the rope while he
went behind it to push it forward. The sheep was too
we had to chase him all over the country till we tired him out.
We never got him till dark; then we fetched him over, and I
strong for me, though, and jerked loose and ran away.
We had to run after it. We didn’t have a dog, so we
started down for the raft. When I got there and see it was
gone, I says to myself, ’They’ve got into trouble and had to
had to chase the sheep all over the countryside until it
was exhausted. We didn’t catch him until dark. Then
leave; and they’ve took my nigger, which is the only nigger
I’ve got in the world, and now I’m in a strange country, and
we brought him over, and I headed out to the raft. But
when I got there, I saw it was gone. So I said to
ain’t got no property no more, nor nothing, and no way to
make my living;’ so I set down and cried. I slept in the woods
myself, ‘They must’ve gotten into trouble and left, and
they took my n-----, which is the only n----- I have in
all night. But what DID become of the raft, then?—and Jim—
poor Jim!”
the whole world. And now I’m in a strange place, and I
don’t have any property any more or anything and no
way to make a living.’ So I sat down and cried. I slept
in the woods all night. But then, what DID become of
the raft? And Jim! Poor Jim!”
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“Blamed if I know—that is, what’s become of the raft. That
old fool had made a trade and got forty dollars, and when
“Darned if I know what’s become of the raft. That old
fool made a deal and got forty dollars, and when we
we found him in the doggery the loafers had matched halfdollars with him and got every cent but what he’d spent for
found him in the saloon, those loafers had traded half
dollars with him and tricked him out of every cent,
whisky; and when I got him home late last night and found
the raft gone, we said, ’That little rascal has stole our raft
aside from what he’d already spent on whisky. And
when I got him home late last night and found the raft
and shook us, and run off down the river.’”
gone, we said, ‘That little rascale has stolen our raft
and run off down the river.’”
“I wouldn’t shake my NIGGER, would I?—the only nigger I
had in the world, and the only property.”
“I wouldn’t runaway from my N-----, would I? He’s the
only n----- I had in the whole world, and he was the
only thing I owned.”
“We never thought of that. Fact is, I reckon we’d come to
“Well, we never thought of that. The fact is, I suppose
consider him OUR nigger; yes, we did consider him so—
goodness knows we had trouble enough for him. So when
we had come to think of him as OUR n-----. Yes, we
did think of him that way—goodness knows we went
we see the raft was gone and we flat broke, there warn’t
anything for it but to try the Royal Nonesuch another shake.
to a lot of trouble for him. So when we saw that the
raft was gone and that we were flat broke, the only
And I’ve pegged along ever since, dry as a powder-horn.
Where’s that ten cents? Give it here.”
thing left to do was to try the Royal Nonesuch scam
again. I’ve been scraping by ever since—my wallet is
as dry as a powder horn. Where’s that ten cents? Give
it to me.”
I had considerable money, so I give him ten cents, but
begged him to spend it for something to eat, and give me
I had quite a lot of money, so I gave him ten cents, but
I begged him to spend it on something to eat for the
some, because it was all the money I had, and I hadn’t had
nothing to eat since yesterday. He never said nothing. The
both of us. I told him it was all the money I had and I
hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday. He didn’t say
next minute he whirls on me and says:
anything, though. The next minute, he turned
suddenly to me and said:
“Do you reckon that nigger would blow on us? We’d skin him
if he done that!”
“Do you think that n----- would rat us out? We’d skin
him if he did that!”
“How can he blow? Hain’t he run off?”
“Rat us out?! Hasn’t he run off?”
“No! That old fool sold him, and never divided with me, and
“No! That old fool sold him, and didn’t even give me a
the money’s gone.”
share. And now the money’s gone.”
“SOLD him?” I says, and begun to cry; “why, he was MY
“SOLD him?!” I said, beginning to cry. “But, he was
nigger, and that was my money. Where is he?—I want my
nigger.”
MY n-----, and that was MY money. Where is he? I
want my n------!”
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“Well, you can’t GET your nigger, that’s all—so dry up your
blubbering. Looky here—do you think YOU’D venture to
“Well, you can GET your n-----, sure enough, so quit
your blubbering. Look here—do you think YOU’D rat
blow on us? Blamed if I think I’d trust you. Why, if you WAS
to blow on us—”
us out? I’ll be darned if I trust you. Why, if you were to
tell on us….”
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He stopped, but I never see the duke look so ugly out of his
eyes before. I went on a-whimpering, and says:
He stopped, but I’ve never seen the duke’s eyes look
so ugly before. I kept on wimpering, and said:
“I don’t want to blow on nobody; and I ain’t got no time to
blow, nohow. I got to turn out and find my nigger.”
“I don’t want to tattle on anyone, and I don’t have time
to rat on anyone anyway. I’ve got to go and find my n-----.”
He looked kinder bothered, and stood there with his bills
He looked a little bothered by this, and stood there
fluttering on his arm, thinking, and wrinkling up his forehead.
At last he says:
with his handbills fluttering under his arm, just thinking
and wrinkling his forhead. Finally he said:
“I’ll tell you something. We got to be here three days. If you’ll
promise you won’t blow, and won’t let the nigger blow, I’ll tell
“I’ll tell you something. We’re going to be here for
three days. If you promise not to tell on us and that
you where to find him.”
you won’t let that n----- tell on us, I’ll tell you where you
can find him.”
So I promised, and he says:
So I promised, and he said:
“A farmer by the name of Silas Ph—” and then he stopped.
“There’s a farmer by the name of Silas Ph—“ and then
You see, he started to tell me the truth; but when he stopped
that way, and begun to study and think again, I reckoned he
he stopped. He’d started to tell me the truth, you see,
but when stopped in mid sentence like that and begun
was changing his mind. And so he was. He wouldn’t trust
me; he wanted to make sure of having me out of the way the
to think some more, I figured he had changed his
mind. And he had—he wouldn’t trust me. He wanted
whole three days. So pretty soon he says:
to make sure that I’d be out of the way for the next
three days. After a minute or so, he said:
“The man that bought him is named Abram Foster—Abram
G. Foster—and he lives forty mile back here in the country,
“The man that bought him is named Abram Foster—
Abram G. Foster. He lives forty miles out in the
on the road to Lafayette.”
country, on the road to the town of Lafayette.”
“All right,” I says, “I can walk it in three days. And I’ll start
“All right,” I said. “I can walk that in three days. And I’ll
this very afternoon.”
start this afternoon.”
“No you wont, you’ll start NOW; and don’t you lose any time
“No, you won’t. You’ll start NOW. And don’t lose any
about it, neither, nor do any gabbling by the way. Just keep
a tight tongue in your head and move right along, and then
time, either, and don’t go chitchatting along the way.
Just keep your mouth shut and keep moving right
you won’t get into trouble with US, d’ye hear?”
along, and then you won’t get into any trouble with
US, you hear?”
That was the order I wanted, and that was the one I played
for. I wanted to be left free to work my plans.
That was exactly what I wanted to hear, and the thing
I’d been trying to get him to say. I wanted to be left
alone so that I could put my plan in action.
“So clear out,” he says; “and you can tell Mr. Foster
“So move out,” he said. “And you can tell Mr. Foster
whatever you want to. Maybe you can get him to believe
that Jim IS your nigger—some idiots don’t require
whatever you want to. Maybe you can get him to
believe that Jim IS your n-----—some idiots don’t
documents—leastways I’ve heard there’s such down South
here. And when you tell him the handbill and the reward’s
require documents when buying them. Well, that’s
what I hear goes on in the South here. And when you
bogus, maybe he’ll believe you when you explain to him
what the idea was for getting ’em out. Go ’long now, and tell
tell him that the handbill and the reward money aren’t
real, maybe he’ll believe you. You can explain to him
him anything you want to; but mind you don’t work your jaw
why we’d made them in the first place. Tell him
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any BETWEEN here and there.”
anything you like—just don’t say anything to anyone
BETWEEN here and there.”
So I left, and struck for the back country. I didn’t look
around, but I kinder felt like he was watching me. But I
So I left, and headed out for the backcountry. I didn’t
look around, but I felt like he was watching me. I knew
knowed I could tire him out at that. I went straight out in the
country as much as a mile before I stopped; then I doubled
I could tire him out pretty quickly, so I went straight out
into the countryside for about a mile before I stopped.
back through the woods towards Phelps’. I reckoned I better
start in on my plan straight off without fooling around,
Then I doubled back through the woods towards the
Phelps farm. I figured I’d better start working on plan
because I wanted to stop Jim’s mouth till these fellows could
get away. I didn’t want no trouble with their kind. I’d seen all
right away and not fool around. I wanted to make sure
Jim didn’t say anything before the king and the duke
I wanted to of them, and wanted to get entirely shut of them.
got away. I didn’t want any more trouble with them. I’d
seen all I wanted of them, and I wanted to be done
with them forever.
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WHEN I got there it was all still and Sunday-like, and hot
It was hot and sunny when I got to the Phelps farm.
and sunshiny; the hands was gone to the fields; and there
was them kind of faint dronings of bugs and flies in the air
Everything was still and quiet, just like a church on
Sunday. The farmhands were out in the fields, and the
that makes it seem so lonesome and like everybody’s dead
and gone; and if a breeze fans along and quivers the leaves
bugs and flies in the air made a kind of faint droning
sound that makes you feel lonely, as if everyone were
it makes you feel mournful, because you feel like it’s spirits
whispering—spirits that’s been dead ever so many years—
dead and gone. If a breeze blew by and shook the
leaves, it would make you feel awful sad, because it’d
and you always think they’re talking about YOU. As a
general thing it makes a body wish HE was dead, too, and
feel like ghosts were whispering—ghosts that had
been dead for many years—and talking about you.
done with it all.
Usually that kind of stuff will make you feel like YOU
are dead too, and done with life.
Phelps’ was one of these little one-horse cotton plantations,
and they all look alike. A rail fence round a two-acre yard; a
The Phelps farm was one of those little one-horse
plantations—they all look alike. A rail fence encircled a
stile made out of logs sawed off and up-ended in steps, like
barrels of a different length, to climb over the fence with, and
yard of about two acres. There was a stile made out of
sawed off logs that had been turned over to make
for the women to stand on when they are going to jump on
to a horse; some sickly grass-patches in the big yard, but
steps, like barrels of different lengths, and used to
climb over the fence or for the women to stand on
mostly it was bare and smooth, like an old hat with the nap
rubbed off; big double log-house for the white folks—hewed
when getting on a horse. There were some sickly
looking patches of grass in the big yard, but most of it
logs, with the chinks stopped up with mud or mortar, and
these mud-stripes been whitewashed some time or another;
was bare and smooth, like an old worn hat. There was
a big two storey log house where the white folks lived.
round-log kitchen, with a big broad, open but roofed
passage joining it to the house; log smoke-house back of
It was made out of hewed logs with the chinks
plugged with mud or morter. The stripes of mud had
the kitchen; three little log nigger-cabins in a row t’other side
the smoke-house; one little hut all by itself away down
been whitewashed at some point. There was a round
log kitchen with a big, broad, open but roofed passage
against the back fence, and some outbuildings down a piece
the other side; ash-hopper and big kettle to bile soap in by
connecting it to the house. A log smokehouse sat
behind the kitchen. There were three small log n-----
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the little hut; bench by the kitchen door, with bucket of water
and a gourd; hound asleep there in the sun; more hounds
cabins in a row on the other side of the smokehouse,
and one little hut standing all by itself down against
asleep round about; about three shade trees away off in a
corner; some currant bushes and gooseberry bushes in one
the back fence. There were some outhouses down a
bit on the other side, an ash hopper and a big kettle to
place by the fence; outside of the fence a garden and a
watermelon patch; then the cotton fields begins, and after
boil soap in by the little hut, and a bench by the
kitchen door with a bucket of water and a gourd.
the fields the woods.
There was a dog sleeping in the sun and more hounds
asleep here and there. There were about three shade
trees off in the corner and some currant bushes and
gooseberry bushes in one spot by the fence. Outside
of the fence there was a garden and a watermelon
patch. Then the cotton fields began, and beyond those
were the woods.
I went around and clumb over the back stile by the ash-
I went around and climbed over the back stile by the
hopper, and started for the kitchen. When I got a little ways I
heard the dim hum of a spinning-wheel wailing along up and
ash hopper and headed toward the kitchen. When I
got close, I heard the dim humming sound from a
sinking along down again; and then I knowed for certain I
wished I was dead—for that IS the lonesomest sound in the
spinning wheel moving up and down. That’s when I
knew I was dead, since that IS the loneliest sound in
whole world.
the whole world.
I went right along, not fixing up any particular plan, but just
I kept going. I didn’t have a specific plan in mind, but I
trusting to Providence to put the right words in my mouth
when the time come; for I’d noticed that Providence always
trusted in Providence to put the right words in my
mouth when the time came. I’d noticed that
did put the right words in my mouth if I left it alone.
Providence always did put the right words in my
mouth if I let it.
When I got half-way, first one hound and then another got
up and went for me, and of course I stopped and faced
When I got halfway to the kitchen, one hound and
then others started after me. Of course, I stopped and
them, and kept still. And such another powwow as they
made! In a quarter of a minute I was a kind of a hub of a
faced them and kept still. What a ruckus they made! In
a quarter of a minute, they’d turned me into the hub of
wheel, as you may say—spokes made out of dogs—circle of
fifteen of them packed together around me, with their necks
a wheel, you might say, with the spokes made out of
dogs. Fifteen of them were packed together and
and noses stretched up towards me, a-barking and howling;
and more a-coming; you could see them sailing over fences
circling around me with their necks and noses
stretched out toward me. They were barking and
and around corners from everywheres.
howling, and more were coming—you could see them
jumping over fences and running around corners from
everywhere.
A nigger woman come tearing out of the kitchen with a
A n----- woman came running out of the kitchen with a
rolling-pin in her hand, singing out, “Begone YOU Tige! you
Spot! begone sah!” and she fetched first one and then
rolling pin in her hand, crying, “Go away, Tiger! Go on,
Spot! Get out of here!” She hit one and then another
another of them a clip and sent them howling, and then the
rest followed; and the next second half of them come back,
and sent them howling off. The rest left on their own,
but in the next second, half of them came back,
wagging their tails around me, and making friends with me.
There ain’t no harm in a hound, nohow.
wagging their tails around me and making friends with
me. There is no meanness in a hound.
And behind the woman comes a little nigger girl and two
A little n----- girl and two little n----- boys came up
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little nigger boys without anything on but tow-linen shirts,
and they hung on to their mother’s gown, and peeped out
behind the woman. They were wearing nothing but
tow linen shirts. They hung on to their mother’s gown
from behind her at me, bashful, the way they always do. And
here comes the white woman running from the house, about
and peered out at me from behind her, shy, like they
always are. A white woman came running from the
forty-five or fifty year old, bareheaded, and her spinningstick in her hand; and behind her comes her little white
house. She was about forty-five or fifty years old,
hatless, and she had her spinning stick in her hand.
children, acting the same way the little niggers was going.
She was smiling all over so she could hardly stand—and
Her little white children followed behind her, acting the
same way that the n----- children acted. The woman
says:
was smiling so much, she could hardly stand up
straight. She said:
“It’s YOU, at last!—AIN’T it?”
“At last! It’s YOU! … Isn’t it?”
I out with a “Yes’m” before I thought.
Without thinking I said, “Yes, ma’am.”
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She grabbed me and hugged me tight; and then gripped me
by both hands and shook and shook; and the tears come in
She grabbed me and hugged me tightly, then grabbed
me by both hands and shook and shook. Tears came
her eyes, and run down over; and she couldn’t seem to hug
and shake enough, and kept saying, “You don’t look as
to her eyes and ran down onto her cheeks. She
couldn’t get enough of hugging and shaking me, and
much like your mother as I reckoned you would; but law
sakes, I don’t care for that, I’m so glad to see you! Dear,
she kept saying, “You don’t look as much like your
mother as I thought you would, but for land’s sake, I
dear, it does seem like I could eat you up! Children, it’s your
cousin Tom!—tell him howdy.”
don’t care about that. I’m so glad to see you! Dear,
dear, it seems like I could just eat you up. Children, it’s
your cousin Tom! Tell him hi!”
But they ducked their heads, and put their fingers in their
But they just ducked their heads and put their fingers
mouths, and hid behind her. So she run on:
in their mouths and hid behind her. She continued:
“Lize, hurry up and get him a hot breakfast right away—or
“Lize, hurry up and make him a hot breakfast right
did you get your breakfast on the boat?”
away—or did you already eat breakfast on the boat?”
I said I had got it on the boat. So then she started for the
I said I’d eaten on the boat. So she started heading
house, leading me by the hand, and the children tagging
after. When we got there she set me down in a split-
back toward the house, leading me by the hand with
the children running after. When we got there she sat
bottomed chair, and set herself down on a little low stool in
front of me, holding both of my hands, and says:
me down in a split bottomed chair, sat herself down on
a low stool in front of me, held both of my hands, and
said:
“Now I can have a GOOD look at you; and, laws-a-me, I’ve
“Now I can have a GOOD look at you. My Lord, I’ve
been hungry for it a many and a many a time, all these long
years, and it’s come at last! We been expecting you a
been eager to see you plenty of times all these long
years, and the day has finally come! We’ve been
couple of days and more. What kep’ you?—boat get
aground?”
expecting you for at least a couple of days. What kept
you? Did your boat run aground?”
“Yes’m—she—”
“Yes, ma’am, it….”
“Don’t say yes’m—say Aunt Sally. Where’d she get
“Don’t say yes ma’am—say Aunt Sally. Where did it
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aground?”
run aground?”
I didn’t rightly know what to say, because I didn’t know
I didn’t know what to say, since I didn’t know whether
whether the boat would be coming up the river or down. But
I go a good deal on instinct; and my instinct said she would
the boat would have been coming up the river or
down. But I have good instincts, and my instincts said
be coming up—from down towards Orleans. That didn’t help
me much, though; for I didn’t know the names of bars down
that the boat I was supposed to have been on would
come up the river, from the direction of New Orleans.
that way. I see I’d got to invent a bar, or forget the name of
the one we got aground on—or—Now I struck an idea, and
That didn’t help me much, though, because I didn’t
know the names of the sandbars down that way. I
fetched it out:
would have to invent a sandbar or pretend to forget
the name of the one we’d run aground on. Then I had
an idea, and I used it:
“It warn’t the grounding—that didn’t keep us back but a little.
“Well, running aground wasn’t the real problem—that
We blowed out a cylinder-head.”
only held us up a little. We also blew out a cylinder
head.”
“Good gracious! anybody hurt?”
“Good gracious! Was anyone hurt?”
“No’m. Killed a nigger.”
“No, ma’am. It just killed a n-----.”
“Well, it’s lucky; because sometimes people do get hurt.
Two years ago last Christmas your uncle Silas was coming
“Well, that’s lucky, because sometimes people get
hurt. Two years ago last Christmas your uncle Silas
up from Newrleans on the old Lally Rook, and she blowed
out a cylinder-head and crippled a man. And I think he died
was coming up from New Olreans on the old
steamboat Lady Rook, and it blew out a cylinder head
afterwards. He was a Baptist. Your uncle Silas knowed a
family in Baton Rouge that knowed his people very well.
and crippled a man. I think he died afterward. He was
a Baptist. Your uncle Silas knew a family in Baton
Yes, I remember now, he DID die. Mortification set in, and
they had to amputate him. But it didn’t save him. Yes, it was
Rouge that knew his family very well. Yes, I remember
it now—he DID die. Gangrene set in and they had to
mortification—that was it. He turned blue all over, and died
in the hope of a glorious resurrection. They say he was a
amputate, but it didn’t save him. Yes, it was gangrene,
that’s what it was. He turned blue all over and died
sight to look at. Your uncle’s been up to the town every day
to fetch you. And he’s gone again, not more’n an hour ago;
with the hope that he’d be gloriously resurrected. They
say he was an awful sight to see. Your uncle has been
he’ll be back any minute now. You must a met him on the
road, didn’t you?—oldish man, with a—”
going in to town every day to pick you up. He’s
actually gone right now. He left not more than an hour
ago, so he should be back any minute now. You must
have met him on the road, didn’t you? An older man,
with a….”
“No, I didn’t see nobody, Aunt Sally. The boat landed just at
“No, I didn’t see anybody, Aunt Sally. The boat landed
daylight, and I left my baggage on the wharf-boat and went
looking around the town and out a piece in the country, to
at dawn. I left my baggage on the boat at the wharf
and killed some time by looking around the town and
put in the time and not get here too soon; and so I come
down the back way.”
the nearby countryside a bit. I didn’t want to get here
too early. So when I came here, I came the back way.”
“Who’d you give the baggage to?”
“Who did you give your baggage to?”
“Nobody.”
“No one.”
“Why, child, it ’ll be stole!”
“But, child, it’ll get stolen!”
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“Not where I hid it I reckon it won’t,” I says.
“Not where I’ve hidden it, it won’t,” I said.
“How’d you get your breakfast so early on the boat?”
“Well, how did you eat breakfast on the boat if you
arrived so early?”
It was kinder thin ice, but I says:
I saw that I was treading on thin ice, so I said:
“The captain see me standing around, and told me I better
have something to eat before I went ashore; so he took me
“The captain saw me standing around and told me I
better have something to eat before I went ashore. So
in the texas to the officers’ lunch, and give me all I wanted.”
he took me inside to the officers’ mess hall and gave
me all I wanted.”
I was getting so uneasy I couldn’t listen good. I had my mind
on the children all the time; I wanted to get them out to one
I was getting so nervous that I had stopped paying
close attention. My mind was on the children the
side and pump them a little, and find out who I was. But I
couldn’t get no show, Mrs. Phelps kept it up and run on so.
whole time, because I wanted to pull them aside and
pump them for information to find out who I was
Pretty soon she made the cold chills streak all down my
back, because she says:
supposed to be. But I never had the opportunity
because Mrs. Phelps kept going on and on. Pretty
soon she gave me cold chills down my spine when
she said:
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“But here we’re a-running on this way, and you hain’t told
me a word about Sis, nor any of them. Now I’ll rest my
“But here I am carrying on like this, and you haven’t
told me a word about Sis or any of them. Now I’ll rest
works a little, and you start up yourn; just tell me
EVERYTHING—tell me all about ’m all every one of ’m; and
a little, and you can start talking. Tell me
EVERYTHING—tell me all about them, every one of
how they are, and what they’re doing, and what they told
you to tell me; and every last thing you can think of.”
them. Tell me how they are, and what they’re doing,
and what they told you to tell me, and every last thing
you can think of.”
Well, I see I was up a stump—and up it good. Providence
Well, I saw I was up a creek—and pretty far up it too.
had stood by me this fur all right, but I was hard and tight
aground now. I see it warn’t a bit of use to try to go ahead—
Providence had stood right by me for this long, but
now I’d run aground. I saw that it wouldn’t be any use
I’d got to throw up my hand. So I says to myself, here’s
another place where I got to resk the truth. I opened my
to try and keep this up—I just had to give up. So I said
to myself, here is another time when I’m going to have
mouth to begin; but she grabbed me and hustled me in
behind the bed, and says:
to risk telling the truth. I opened my mouth to begin,
but just then she grabbed me and pushed me down
behind the bed and said:
“Here he comes! Stick your head down lower—there, that’ll
“Here he comes! Stick your head down lower—there,
do; you can’t be seen now. Don’t you let on you’re here. I’ll
play a joke on him. Children, don’t you say a word.”
that’ll do. You can’t be seen now. Don’t let on that
you’re here—I’m going to play a joke on him. Children,
don’t say a word.”
I see I was in a fix now. But it warn’t no use to worry; there
I saw that I was in a fix now. But it wasn’t going to do
warn’t nothing to do but just hold still, and try and be ready
to stand from under when the lightning struck.
any good to worry. There wasn’t anything I could do
but sit tight and try and be ready to get out of the way
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when she found out.
I had just one little glimpse of the old gentleman when he
I had just one little glimpse of the old gentleman when
come in; then the bed hid him. Mrs. Phelps she jumps for
him, and says:
he came in. The bed hid him from view. Mrs. Phelps
jumped for him, and said:
“Has he come?”
“Has he come?”
“No,” says her husband.
“No,” said her husband.
“Good-NESS gracious!” she says, “what in the warld can
have become of him?”
“GOODNESS gracious!” she said. “Where in the world
IS here?”
“I can’t imagine,” says the old gentleman; “and I must say it
makes me dreadful uneasy.”
“I can’t imagine,” said the old gentleman. “I must say,
it makes me feel awfully uneasy.”
“Uneasy!” she says; “I’m ready to go distracted! He MUST a
come; and you’ve missed him along the road. I KNOW it’s
“Uneasy!” she said. “I’m about to lose my mind! He
must have come, and you missed him on the road. I
so—something tells me so.”
KNOW that’s what happened—something tells me
that’s it.”
“Why, Sally, I COULDN’T miss him along the road—YOU
know that.”
“But, Sally, I COULDN’T have missed him on the
road—YOU know that.”
“But oh, dear, dear, what WILL Sis say! He must a come!
You must a missed him. He—”
“But, oh dear, oh dear, what WILL SIS say?! He has to
come! You must have missed him. He….”
“Oh, don’t distress me any more’n I’m already distressed. I
don’t know what in the world to make of it. I’m at my wit’s
“Oh, don’t make me any more worried than I already
am. I don’t know what to make of it. I’m at my wit’s
end, and I don’t mind acknowledging ’t I’m right down
scared. But there’s no hope that he’s come; for he
end, and I don’t mind admitting that I’m downright
scared. But there’s no hope that he’s already come—
COULDN’T come and me miss him. Sally, it’s terrible—just
terrible—something’s happened to the boat, sure!”
he COULDN’T have come because I wouldn’t have
missed him. Sally, it’s terrible, just terrible—
something’s happened to the boat, for sure!”
“Why, Silas! Look yonder!—up the road!—ain’t that
“But Silas! Look over there! Look up the road! Isn’t
somebody coming?”
that someone coming?”
He sprung to the window at the head of the bed, and that
He ran to the window at the head of the bed, which
give Mrs. Phelps the chance she wanted. She stooped down
quick at the foot of the bed and give me a pull, and out I
gave Mrs. Phelps the chance she’d been looking for.
She stooped down quickly at the foot of the bed and
come; and when he turned back from the window there she
stood, a-beaming and a-smiling like a house afire, and I
tugged at me, and out I came. And when he turned
back from the window, there she stood, beaming and
standing pretty meek and sweaty alongside. The old
gentleman stared, and says:
smiling as brightly as a burning house, and me looking
meek and sweaty beside her. The old gentleman
stared and said:
“Why, who’s that?”
“Why, who’s that?”
“Who do you reckon ’t is?”
“Who do you think it is?”
“I hain’t no idea. Who IS it?”
“I don’t have any idea. Who IS it?”
“It’s TOM SAWYER!”
“It’s TOM SAWYER!”
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By jings, I most slumped through the floor! But there warn’t
no time to swap knives; the old man grabbed me by the
By golly, I almost fell through the floor! But there
wasn’t time to think about it—the old man grabbed me
hand and shook, and kept on shaking; and all the time how
the woman did dance around and laugh and cry; and then
by the hand and shook it over and over while the
woman danced around and laughed and cried. And
how they both did fire off questions about Sid, and Mary,
and the rest of the tribe.
then they both fired off questions about Sid and Mary
and the rest of the Sawyer clan.
But if they was joyful, it warn’t nothing to what I was; for it
was like being born again, I was so glad to find out who I
But their happiness wasn’t anything compared to
mine. I felt like I was born again—I was so glad to find
was. Well, they froze to me for two hours; and at last, when
my chin was so tired it couldn’t hardly go any more, I had
out who I was supposed to be. Well, they stuck to me
like glue for two hours. My chin was worn out from
told them more about my family—I mean the Sawyer
family—than ever happened to any six Sawyer families. And
telling them everything about my family—I mean, the
Sawyer family. Actually, I told them everything that
I explained all about how we blowed out a cylinder-head at
the mouth of White River, and it took us three days to fix it.
happened to all six of the Sawyer families. I explained
all about how we blew out a cylinder head at the
Which was all right, and worked first-rate; because THEY
didn’t know but what it would take three days to fix it. If I’d a
mouth of the White River, and how it had taken us
three days to fix it. This story worked out fine since
called it a bolthead it would a done just as well.
THEY didn’t know that it would take only three days to
fix a cylinder head. I could have called it a bolthead,
and they would have believed me.
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Now I was feeling pretty comfortable all down one side, and
Now I was feeling pretty good about the situation.
pretty uncomfortable all up the other. Being Tom Sawyer
was easy and comfortable, and it stayed easy and
Being Tom Sawyer was pretty easy, and it stayed nice
and easy until later on when I heard a steamboat
comfortable till by and by I hear a steamboat coughing along
down the river. Then I says to myself, s’pose Tom Sawyer
coming down the river. Then I asked myself what
would happen if Tom Sawyer was on that ship? What
comes down on that boat? And s’pose he steps in here any
minute, and sings out my name before I can throw him a
if he walked in here all of a sudden and called out my
name before I could signal him to keep quiet?
wink to keep quiet?
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SO I started for town in the wagon, and when I
was half-way I see a wagon coming, and sure
enough it was Tom Sawyer, and I stopped and
waited till he come along. I says “Hold on!” and
it stopped alongside, and his mouth opened up
like a trunk, and stayed so; and he swallowed two
or three times like a person that’s got a dry throat,
So I headed to town in the wagon. About
halfway there, I saw a wagon coming toward
me. Sure enough, it was Tom Sawyer. I
stopped and waited until he reached me. I
said, “Hold on!” and it pulled up alongside
me. His mouth fell open like the lid of a
trunk and stayed that way. He swallowed
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and then says:
two or three times like a person with a dry
throat. Then he says:
“I hain’t ever done you no harm. You know that.
So, then, what you want to come back and ha’nt
ME for?”
“I’ve never done anything to hurt you. You
know that. So why do you want to come
back and haunt ME?”
I says:
I said:
“I hain’t come back—I hain’t been GONE.”
“I haven’t come back—I was never GONE.”
When he heard my voice it righted him up some,
but he warn’t quite satisfied yet. He says:
The sound of my voice cleared his head a
little, but he still wasn’t quite satisfied. He
said:
“Don’t you play nothing on me, because I
wouldn’t on you. Honest injun, you ain’t a
ghost?”
“Don’t you try to fool me, because I
wouldn’t do that to you. Honestly now—
you’re not a ghost?”
“Honest injun, I ain’t,” I says.
“Honestly, I’m not,” I said.
“Well—I—I—well, that ought to settle it, of
course; but I can’t somehow seem to understand it
no way. Looky here, warn’t you ever murdered
AT ALL?”
“Well… I… I… well, that settles it, of
course. But I can’t understand it at all. Look
here—weren’t you MURDERED?”
“No. I warn’t ever murdered at all—I played it on
them. You come in here and feel of me if you
don’t believe me.”
“No, I wasn’t murdered at all—it was a trick
I played on everyone. You come over here
and touch my skin if you don’t believe me.”
So he done it; and it satisfied him; and he was
that glad to see me again he didn’t know what to
do. And he wanted to know all about it right off,
because it was a grand adventure, and mysterious,
and so it hit him where he lived. But I said, leave
it alone till by and by; and told his driver to wait,
and we drove off a little piece, and I told him the
kind of a fix I was in, and what did he reckon we
better do? He said, let him alone a minute, and
So he did, and that satisfied him. He was so
glad to see me that he didn’t know what to
do. He wanted to know everything right
away, because he said it was a grand
adventure and mysterious—just the kind of
stuff he liked best. But I told him to wait for
a little while. I told his driver to wait, and
Tom and I rode off a little ways. I told him
the trouble I was in, and asked for his advice
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don’t disturb him. So he thought and thought, and
pretty soon he says:
on what we should do. He said to leave him
alone for a minute and not to bother him. He
thought and thought, and pretty soon he said:
“It’s all right; I’ve got it. Take my trunk in your
wagon, and let on it’s your’n; and you turn back
and fool along slow, so as to get to the house
about the time you ought to; and I’ll go towards
town a piece, and take a fresh start, and get there
a quarter or a half an hour after you; and you
needn’t let on to know me at first.”
“Okay, I’ve got it. Take my trunk in your
wagon, and pretend that it’s yours. You turn
around and head back slowly so that you get
back to the house around the time you were
supposed to. I’ll head toward town, then I’ll
set out again so that I get to the farm about a
quarter or half an hour after you. Pretend you
don’t know me.”
I says:
I said:
“All right; but wait a minute. There’s one more
thing—a thing that NOBODY don’t know but
me. And that is, there’s a nigger here that I’m atrying to steal out of slavery, and his name is
JIM—old Miss Watson’s Jim.”
“All right, but wait a minute. There’s one
more thing—something that NO ONE
knows but me. There’s a n----- here, and I’m
trying to steal him out of slavery. His name
is JIM—it’s old Miss Watson’s slave, Jim.”
He says:
He said:
“What! Why, Jim is—”
“Huh?! But Jim is….”
He stopped and went to studying. I says:
He stopped and started thinking again. I said:
“I know what you’ll say. You’ll say it’s dirty,
low-down business; but what if it is? I’m low
down; and I’m a-going to steal him, and I want
you keep mum and not let on. Will you?”
“I know what you’re going to say. You’re
going to say that stealing him is a dirty, lowdown thing to do. So what, though? I’m lowdown myself, and I’m going to steal him. I
want you to not say anything or let on that
you know. Will you?”
His eye lit up, and he says:
His eyes lit up, and he said:
“I’ll HELP you steal him!”
“I’ll HELP you steal him!”
Well, I let go all holts then, like I was shot. It was
I was so shocked that I nearly fell over like
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the most astonishing speech I ever heard—and
I’m bound to say Tom Sawyer fell considerable in
my estimation. Only I couldn’t believe it. Tom
Sawyer a NIGGER-STEALER!
I’d been shot. It was the most astonishing
thing I’d ever heard—and I have to say my
opinion of Tom Sawyer dropped a lot when I
heard it. I just couldn’t believe it: Tom
Sawyer, a N----- STEALER!”
“Oh, shucks!” I says; “you’re joking.”
“No way!” I said. “You’re joking.”
“I ain’t joking, either.”
“Nope, I’m not joking.”
“Well, then,” I says, “joking or no joking, if you
hear anything said about a runaway nigger, don’t
forget to remember that YOU don’t know nothing
about him, and I don’t know nothing about him.”
“Well, then,” I said. “Joke or no joke, if you
hear anything about a runaway n-----,
remember that neither you nor I know
anything about him.”
Then we took the trunk and put it in my wagon,
and he drove off his way and I drove mine. But of
course I forgot all about driving slow on accounts
of being glad and full of thinking; so I got home a
heap too quick for that length of a trip. The old
gentleman was at the door, and he says:
We took the trunk and put it in my wagon.
Then he went his way, and I went mine. Of
course, I forgot all about driving slowly
because I was so happy and lost in thought. I
got home far too quickly for that length of a
trip. The old gentleman was the door, and he
said:
“Why, this is wonderful! Whoever would a
thought it was in that mare to do it? I wish we’d a
timed her. And she hain’t sweated a hair—not a
hair. It’s wonderful. Why, I wouldn’t take a
hundred dollars for that horse now—I wouldn’t,
honest; and yet I’d a sold her for fifteen before,
and thought ’twas all she was worth.”
“This is great! Whoever thought that old
mare could make the trip that quickly! I
wished we had timed her. She’s not even
sweating at all—not a single drop. Wow.
Why, I wouldn’t sell that horse now, not
even for a hundred dollars—honestly, I
wouldn’t. And yet, before now I would have
sold her for fifteen dollars because I thought
that was all she was worth.”
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That’s all he said. He was the innocentest, best old soul I
That’s all he said. He was the sweetest, most innocent
ever see. But it warn’t surprising; because he warn’t only
just a farmer, he was a preacher, too, and had a little one-
soul I’d ever seen. It wasn’t surprising, though,
because he wasn’t just a farmer—he was a preacher
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horse log church down back of the plantation, which he built
it himself at his own expense, for a church and schoolhouse,
too. He had a tiny little log cabin church at the rear of
the plantation, which he’d built himself at his own
and never charged nothing for his preaching, and it was
worth it, too. There was plenty other farmer-preachers like
expense. He used it as a church and as a
schoolhouse and he didn’t charge anything for his
that, and done the same way, down South.
preaching, though he could have. There were lots of
other farmer-preachers in the South who did the same
thing.
In about half an hour Tom’s wagon drove up to the front
Tom’s wagon pulled up to the front of the stile about a
stile, and Aunt Sally she see it through the window, because
it was only about fifty yards, and says:
half an hour later. Aunt Sally saw it through the
window, because it was only about fifty yards away.
She said:
“Why, there’s somebody come! I wonder who ’tis? Why, I do
“Look! Someone’s here! I wonder who it is? Why, I
believe it’s a stranger. Jimmy” (that’s one of the children)
“run and tell Lize to put on another plate for dinner.”
think it’s a stranger. Jimmy”—that was one of the
children—“run and tell Lize to put on another plate at
the table for dinner.”
Everybody made a rush for the front door, because, of
Everyone rushed to the front door because, of course,
course, a stranger don’t come EVERY year, and so he lays
over the yaller-fever, for interest, when he does come. Tom
strangers didn’t come that often. Tom had made it
over the stile and was headed toward the house. The
was over the stile and starting for the house; the wagon was
spinning up the road for the village, and we was all bunched
wagon was headed up the road toward the village,
and we were all bunched around the front door. Tom
in the front door. Tom had his store clothes on, and an
audience—and that was always nuts for Tom Sawyer. In
was wearing his store-bought clothes and he’d drawn
an audience—that’s just how Tom Sawyer liked it. In
them circumstances it warn’t no trouble to him to throw in an
amount of style that was suitable. He warn’t a boy to meeky
these circumstances, Tom could easily thrown a
suitable amount of style into whatever he was doing.
along up that yard like a sheep; no, he come ca’m and
important, like the ram. When he got a-front of us he lifts his
He wasn’t the kind of boy to walk through the yard up
toward the house like a meek little lamb. No, he
hat ever so gracious and dainty, like it was the lid of a box
that had butterflies asleep in it and he didn’t want to disturb
walked up calmly but confidently, like a ram. When he
stood in front of us he lifted his hat graciously and
them, and says:
daintily, like it was the lid of a box that had butterflies
asleep in it that he didn’t want to disturb. He said:
“Mr. Archibald Nichols, I presume?”
“Mr. Archibald Nichols, I presume?”
“No, my boy,” says the old gentleman, “I’m sorry to say ’t
“No, my boy,” said the old gentleman. “I’m sorry to say
your driver has deceived you; Nichols’s place is down a
matter of three mile more. Come in, come in.”
your driver has taken you to the wrong house.
Nichols’s place is about three miles or so down the
road. But come in, come in.”
Tom he took a look back over his shoulder, and says, “Too
Tom took a look over his shoulder and said, “Too
late—he’s out of sight.”
late—the driver is already out of sight.”
“Yes, he’s gone, my son, and you must come in and eat
“Yes, he’s gone, my son. You must come in and have
your dinner with us; and then we’ll hitch up and take you
down to Nichols’s.”
dinner with us. Then we’ll hitch up the wagon and take
you to the Nichols’s.”
“Oh, I CAN’T make you so much trouble; I couldn’t think of
it. I’ll walk—I don’t mind the distance.”
“Oh, I COULDN’T trouble you like that—I wouldn’t
dream of it. I’ll walk—it’s not too far, and I don’t mind.”
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“But we won’t LET you walk—it wouldn’t be Southern
hospitality to do it. Come right in.”
“But we won’t LET you walk—it wouldn’t be in the
nature of Southern hospitality to let you. Please, come
on in.”
“Oh, DO,” says Aunt Sally; “it ain’t a bit of trouble to us, not a
“Oh DO,” said Aunt Sally. “It’s no trouble for us at all,
bit in the world. You must stay. It’s a long, dusty three mile,
and we can’t let you walk. And, besides, I’ve already told
not a bit in the world. You must stay. It’s a long, dusty
three miles to the Nichols’s, and we can’t let you walk
’em to put on another plate when I see you coming; so you
mustn’t disappoint us. Come right in and make yourself at
it. Besides, I’ve already told them to set another plate
at the table when I saw you coming, so you mustn’t
home.”
disappoint us. Come right in, and make yourself at
home.”
So Tom he thanked them very hearty and handsome, and
let himself be persuaded, and come in; and when he was in
Tom thanked them heartily and handsomely and let
them persuade him to come inside. When he was
he said he was a stranger from Hicksville, Ohio, and his
name was William Thompson—and he made another bow.
inside he said he was a stranger named William
Thompson, who’d come from Hicksville, Ohio. Then
he made another bow.
Well, he run on, and on, and on, making up stuff about
He talked on and on, making up stuff about Hicksville
Hicksville and everybody in it he could invent, and I getting a
little nervious, and wondering how this was going to help me
and everyone who lived there. I started to get a little
nervous and wondered how this was going to help me
out of my scrape; and at last, still talking along, he reached
over and kissed Aunt Sally right on the mouth, and then
out of my predicament. Finally, while still talking, he
reached over and kissed Aunt Sally right on the
settled back again in his chair comfortable, and was going
on talking; but she jumped up and wiped it off with the back
mouth. Then he settled back comfortably in his chair
and kept on talking. She jumped up, though, and
of her hand, and says:
wiped the kiss off her lips with the back of her hand,
and said:
“You owdacious puppy!”
“Why, you little rascal!”
He looked kind of hurt, and says:
He looked kind of hurt, and said:
“I’m surprised at you, m’am.”
“I’m surprised at you, ma’am.”
“You’re s’rp—Why, what do you reckon I am? I’ve a good
“You’re surprised… Well, who do you think I am? I
notion to take and—Say, what do you mean by kissing me?”
have a half a mind to take and… Why did you kiss
me?”
He looked kind of humble, and says:
He looked looked down humbly and said:
“I didn’t mean nothing, m’am. I didn’t mean no harm. I—I—
“I didn’t mean anything by it, ma’am. I didn’t mean any
thought you’d like it.”
harm. I… I… I thought you’d like it.”
“Why, you born fool!” She took up the spinning stick, and it
“Why you little fool!” She picked up the spinning stick,
looked like it was all she could do to keep from giving him a
crack with it. “What made you think I’d like it?”
and it looked like it was taking all her effort not to
smack him with it. “Why did you think I’d like it?”
“Well, I don’t know. Only, they—they—told me you would.”
“I don’t know. It’s just that they… they… they told me
you would.”
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“THEY told you I would. Whoever told you’s ANOTHER
lunatic. I never heard the beat of it. Who’s THEY?”
THEY told you I would?! Whoever told you that is a
lunatic. I’ve never heard anything like it. Who’s
THEY?”
“Why, everybody. They all said so, m’am.”
“Well, everyone. They all said so, ma’am.”
It was all she could do to hold in; and her eyes snapped,
and her fingers worked like she wanted to scratch him; and
She did all she could do to hold her anger in. Her eyes
snapped, and her fingers moved like she wanted to
she says:
scratch him. She said:
“Who’s ’everybody’? Out with their names, or ther’ll be an
“Who’s ‘everyone?’” Tell me their names, or there’ll be
idiot short.”
one fewer idiot in this world.
He got up and looked distressed, and fumbled his hat, and
He got up, looking worried. He fumbled with his hat,
says:
and said:
“I’m sorry, and I warn’t expecting it. They told me to. They all
“I’m sorry—I just wasn’t expecting this. They told me
told me to. They all said, kiss her; and said she’d like it.
They all said it—every one of them. But I’m sorry, m’am, and
to do it. They all told me to. They all said, ‘Kiss her.’”
They said you’d like it. They all said so—every single
I won’t do it no more—I won’t, honest.”
one of them. I’m sorry, ma’am. I won’t do it again. I
won’t, honestly.”
“You won’t, won’t you? Well, I sh’d RECKON you won’t!”
“You won’t, huh? You better believe it!”
“No’m, I’m honest about it; I won’t ever do it again—till you
No, ma’am, honestly. I won’t ever do it again—until
ask me.”
you ask me, that is.”
“Till I ASK you! Well, I never see the beat of it in my born
“UNTIL I ASK YOU?! Well, I’ve never heard anything
days! I lay you’ll be the Methusalem-numskull of creation
before ever I ask you—or the likes of you.”
like it my whole life. You’ll be as old as Methuselah
before I ever ask you or anyone else like you.”
“Well,” he says, “it does surprise me so. I can’t make it out,
somehow. They said you would, and I thought you would.
“Well,” he said. “This sure is a surprise to me. I just
don’t understand. They said you’d like it, and I thought
But—” He stopped and looked around slow, like he wished
he could run across a friendly eye somewheres, and fetched
you would, but….” He stopped and looked around
slowly, searching for a sympathetic eye. He looked at
up on the old gentleman’s, and says, “Didn’t YOU think
she’d like me to kiss her, sir?”
the old gentleman and said, “Didn’t YOU think she’d
like me to kiss her, sir?”
“Why, no; I—I—well, no, I b’lieve I didn’t.”
“Well, no. I… I… well, no, I don’t believe I did.”
Then he looks on around the same way to me, and says:
The Tom looked around the room again and said to
me:
“Tom, didn’t YOU think Aunt Sally ’d open out her arms and
“Tom, didn’t YOU think Aunt Sally would open her
say, ’Sid Sawyer—’”
arms and say, ‘Sid Sawyer….’”
“My land!” she says, breaking in and jumping for him, “you
“My word!” she interrupted. “You little rascal! To fool
impudent young rascal, to fool a body so—” and was going
to hug him, but he fended her off, and says:
me like that!” She was going to hug him, but he
evaded her, saying:
“No, not till you’ve asked me first.”
“No, not until you’ve asked me first!”
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So she didn’t lose no time, but asked him; and hugged him
and kissed him over and over again, and then turned him
She didn’t waste any time, but asked him, and then
hugged him and kissed him over and over again. Then
over to the old man, and he took what was left. And after
they got a little quiet again she says:
she turned him over to the old man, who hugged him
too. After they quieted down a bit, she said:
“Why, dear me, I never see such a surprise. We warn’t
looking for YOU at all, but only Tom. Sis never wrote to me
“Dear me, I’ve never had such a surprise. We didn’t
expect you at all, only Tom. Sis never said anything in
about anybody coming but him.”
her letters about anyone else coming except Tom.”
“It’s because it warn’t INTENDED for any of us to come but
“That’s because no one PLANNED for anyone else to
Tom,” he says; “but I begged and begged, and at the last
minute she let me come, too; so, coming down the river, me
come except Tom,” he said. “But I begged and
begged until she finally said at the last minute that I
and Tom thought it would be a first-rate surprise for him to
come here to the house first, and for me to by and by tag
could come too. So, while we were coming down the
river, Tom and I thought it would be an excellent
along and drop in, and let on to be a stranger. But it was a
mistake, Aunt Sally. This ain’t no healthy place for a
surprise for him to come to the house first and for me
to drop in later and pretend to be a stranger. But that
stranger to come.”
was a mistake, Aunt Sally—this isn’t a good place for
a stranger.”
“No—not impudent whelps, Sid. You ought to had your jaws
boxed; I hain’t been so put out since I don’t know when. But
“No, not for little rascals like yourself, Sid. I don’t know
the last time I’ve been that shocked—I ought to smack
I don’t care, I don’t mind the terms—I’d be willing to stand a
thousand such jokes to have you here. Well, to think of that
you in the mouth. But I don’t care—I’m willing to be
the butt of a thousand jokes just like that one in order
performance! I don’t deny it, I was most putrified with
astonishment when you give me that smack.”
to have you here. And what a performance you put on!
I’m not going to lie, I was shocked to death when you
kissed me!”
We had dinner out in that broad open passage betwixt the
We had dinner in the little open passageway between
house and the kitchen; and there was things enough on that
table for seven families—and all hot, too; none of your
the house and the kitchen. There was enough food on
the table to feed seven families. And it was all hot too.
flabby, tough meat that’s laid in a cupboard in a damp cellar
all night and tastes like a hunk of old cold cannibal in the
There wasn’t any of that fatty, tough meat—the kind
that’s been stored in a cupboard in a damp cellar all
morning. Uncle Silas he asked a pretty long blessing over it,
but it was worth it; and it didn’t cool it a bit, neither, the way
night and tastes like a hunk of cannibal meat in the
morning. Uncle Silas said a pretty long blessing before
I’ve seen them kind of interruptions do lots of times. There
was a considerable good deal of talk all the afternoon, and
we ate, but it was worth it—the food was so hot that it
didn’t cooled by the time he finished praying, the way
me and Tom was on the lookout all the time; but it warn’t no
use, they didn’t happen to say nothing about any runaway
food usually does. We talked all afternoon. Tom and I
paid close attention to what everyone said, but it turns
nigger, and we was afraid to try to work up to it. But at
supper, at night, one of the little boys says:
out we didn’t need to be so careful since no one said
anything about a runaway n-----. We were too afraid to
bring up the topic ourselves. But at supper one night,
one of the little boys said:
“Pa, mayn’t Tom and Sid and me go to the show?”
“Pa, may Tom and Sid and me go to the show?”
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“No,” says the old man, “I reckon there ain’t going to be any;
and you couldn’t go if there was; because the runaway
“No,” said the old man. “I don’t think there’s going to
be a show. Besides, you couldn’t go if there was. The
nigger told Burton and me all about that scandalous show,
and Burton said he would tell the people; so I reckon they’ve
runaway n----- told Burton and me all about that
scandalous show, and Burton said he was going to tell
drove the owdacious loafers out of town before this time.”
everyone. So I suppose they’ve driven the audacious
bums out of town by now.”
So there it was!—but I couldn’t help it. Tom and me was to
sleep in the same room and bed; so, being tired, we bid
So that was it! It couldn’t be helped. Tom and I were
supposed to share a bed in the same room, so we
good-night and went up to bed right after supper, and clumb
out of the window and down the lightning-rod, and shoved
said that we were tired. We told everyone goodnight
and went up to bed right after supper. We climbed out
for the town; for I didn’t believe anybody was going to give
the king and the duke a hint, and so if I didn’t hurry up and
of the window and down the lightning rod and headed
for town. I didn’t think anyone was going to tip off the
give them one they’d get into trouble sure.
king and the duke, so I hurried to warn them before
they got into trouble.
On the road Tom he told me all about how it was reckoned I
was murdered, and how pap disappeared pretty soon, and
As we were headed to town, Tom told me all about
how everyone thought I’d been murdered and how
didn’t come back no more, and what a stir there was when
Jim run away; and I told Tom all about our Royal Nonesuch
pap had disappeared soon after and hadn’t come
back since. He told me that everyone had made quite
rapscallions, and as much of the raft voyage as I had time
to; and as we struck into the town and up through the—here
a fuss when Jim had run away. I told Tom all about
the Royal Nonesuch scoundrels and as much about
comes a raging rush of people with torches, and an awful
whooping and yelling, and banging tin pans and blowing
our voyage on the raft as we had time for. Just as we
got to town, we saw a whole mob of angry people
horns; and we jumped to one side to let them go by; and as
they went by I see they had the king and the duke astraddle
carrying torches, yelling warwhoops, blowing horns,
and banging pans. We jumped to one side of the road
of a rail—that is, I knowed it WAS the king and the duke,
though they was all over tar and feathers, and didn’t look
to let them pass, and as they went by I saw they had
the king and the duke with their feet tied to a rail. I
like nothing in the world that was human—just looked like a
couple of monstrous big soldier-plumes. Well, it made me
KNEW it was them even though they were all covered
in tar and feathers and didn’t even look human—they
sick to see it; and I was sorry for them poor pitiful rascals, it
seemed like I couldn’t ever feel any hardness against them
looked like a couple of enormous soldier plumes. It
made me sick to see it, and I felt sorry for those poor
any more in the world. It was a dreadful thing to see. Human
beings CAN be awful cruel to one another.
pitiful rascals. After seeing them like that, I just didn’t
think I could feel angry with them any more. It was just
a dreadful thing to see. Human beings CAN be awfully
cruel to one another.
We see we was too late—couldn’t do no good. We asked
some stragglers about it, and they said everybody went to
We saw that we were too late to do anything. We
asked some of the stragglers what was going on, and
the show looking very innocent; and laid low and kept dark
till the poor old king was in the middle of his cavortings on
they said that everyone had gone to the show
pretending that nothing was going on. They acted
the stage; then somebody give a signal, and the house rose
up and went for them.
calm and didn’t say anything until the poor old king
was in the middle of his routine where he cavorts
around on the stage. Then someone gave a signal,
and everyone got up and grabbed them.
So we poked along back home, and I warn’t feeling so brash
as I was before, but kind of ornery, and humble, and to
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blame, somehow—though I hadn’t done nothing. But that’s
always the way; it don’t make no difference whether you do
and somehow guilty, even though I hadn’t done
anything. But that’s always the way it is—it doesn’t
right or wrong, a person’s conscience ain’t got no sense,
and just goes for him anyway. If I had a yaller dog that didn’t
make any difference whether you do right or wrong.
Your conscience doesn’t have any common sense. It’ll
know no more than a person’s conscience does I would
pison him. It takes up more room than all the rest of a
nag you anyway. If I had a yellow dog that had the
same conscience as a person, then I’d poison him.
person’s insides, and yet ain’t no good, nohow. Tom Sawyer
he says the same.
Your conscience takes up more room than anything
else inside you, but it still doesn’t do any good. Tom
Sawyer says the same thing.
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WE stopped talking, and got to thinking. By and by Tom
We stopped talking and started think. Pretty soon Tom
says:
said:
“Looky here, Huck, what fools we are to not think of it
“Look here, Huck—we’re fools for not having thought
before! I bet I know where Jim is.”
of it before! I bet I know where Jim is.”
“No! Where?”
“No! You do? Where?”
“In that hut down by the ash-hopper. Why, looky here. When
we was at dinner, didn’t you see a nigger man go in there
“He’s in that hut down by the ash-hopper. Just think
about it. When we were at dinner, did you see a n-----
with some vittles?”
man go in there with some food?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“What did you think the vittles was for?”
“Well, what did you think the food was for?”
“For a dog.”
“For a dog.”
“So ’d I. Well, it wasn’t for a dog.”
“So did I. Well, I don’t think it was for a dog.”
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Because part of it was watermelon.”
“Because the food included some watermelon.”
“So it was—I noticed it. Well, it does beat all that I never
“Yeah, you’re right. I did notice that. Well, it’s funny I
thought about a dog not eating watermelon. It shows how a
body can see and don’t see at the same time.”
never realized that before, because dogs don’t eat
watermelon. It just goes to show that you can see
something, but not see it at the same time.”
“Well, the nigger unlocked the padlock when he went in, and
“Well, the n----- unclocked the padlock when he went
he locked it again when he came out. He fetched uncle a
key about the time we got up from table—same key, I bet.
in, and he locked it again when he came out. He also
brought uncle a key around the time we got up from
Watermelon shows man, lock shows prisoner; and it ain’t
likely there’s two prisoners on such a little plantation, and
the table. I bet it’s the same key. Watermelon tells us
it’s a man, and the padlock tells us he’s a prisoner. It
where the people’s all so kind and good. Jim’s the prisoner.
All right—I’m glad we found it out detective fashion; I
isn’t likely that there are two prisoners on such a small
plantation, especially one where the people are so
wouldn’t give shucks for any other way. Now you work your
mind, and study out a plan to steal Jim, and I will study out
kind and good. Jim must be the prisoner. All right—I’m
glad we were able to figure that out like detectives
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one, too; and we’ll take the one we like the best.”
would. That’s the best way to do it. Now, you think
awhile and figure out a way to rescue Jim. I’ll think
about it, too, and we’ll use the plan we like best.”
What a head for just a boy to have! If I had Tom Sawyer’s
Tom was really smart for just being a boy! If I had Tom
head I wouldn’t trade it off to be a duke, nor mate of a
steamboat, nor clown in a circus, nor nothing I can think of. I
Sawyer’s brains I wouldn’t ever trade them, even to be
a duke or a mate on a steamboat or a clown in a
went to thinking out a plan, but only just to be doing
something; I knowed very well where the right plan was
circus or anything else I can think of. I started devising
a plan, but only to pass the time, since I knew that
going to come from. Pretty soon Tom says:
Tom would think of the better plan. Pretty soon he
said:
“Ready?”
“Okay. You ready?”
“Yes,” I says.
“Yes,” I said.
“All right—bring it out.”
“All right—let’s hear it.”
“My plan is this,” I says. “We can easy find out if it’s Jim in
“This is my plan,” I said. “We can easily find out if it’s
there. Then get up my canoe to-morrow night, and fetch my
raft over from the island. Then the first dark night that comes
really Jim in there. Then, we can bring my canoe up
tomorrow night and bring the raft from the island.
steal the key out of the old man’s britches after he goes to
bed, and shove off down the river on the raft with Jim, hiding
Then, on the first really dark night, we can steal the
key from the old man’s pants after he goes to bed.
daytimes and running nights, the way me and Jim used to
do before. Wouldn’t that plan work?”
We’ll break Jim out, and set off down the river on the
raft with him. We’ll float at night and hide during the
day, the way Jim and I were doing it before. Wouldn’t
that work?”
“WORK? Why, cert’nly it would work, like rats a-fighting. But
it’s too blame’ simple; there ain’t nothing TO it. What’s the
“WORK? Of course it’d work, just as easily as getting
rats to fight. But it’s too simple—there isn’t anything
good of a plan that ain’t no more trouble than that? It’s as
mild as goose-milk. Why, Huck, it wouldn’t make no more
TO it. What good is such a simple plan? It’s as mild as
goose milk. Why, Huck, that wouldn’t draw any more
talk than breaking into a soap factory.”
attention than a run-of-the-mill break-in at a soap
factory.”
I never said nothing, because I warn’t expecting nothing
different; but I knowed mighty well that whenever he got HIS
I didn’t say anything, but his response was just what
I’d expected. I knew for certain, though, that no one
plan ready it wouldn’t have none of them objections to it.
would be able to make those same objections to HIS
plan.
And it didn’t. He told me what it was, and I see in a minute it
was worth fifteen of mine for style, and would make Jim just
And no one could. He told me his plan, and I saw in a
minute it has as much style as fifteen of my plans. It
as free a man as mine would, and maybe get us all killed
besides. So I was satisfied, and said we would waltz in on it.
would also make Jim just as free as my plan would
have, and it might get us all killed in the process. I was
I needn’t tell what it was here, because I knowed it wouldn’t
stay the way, it was. I knowed he would be changing it
satisfied and said we should do it. I don’t need to
bother explaining the plan here, because I knew he
around every which way as we went along, and heaving in
new bullinesses wherever he got a chance. And that is what
would change it every minute along the way, pulling
new tricks whenever he had the chance. And that’s
he done.
exactly what he did.
Well, one thing was dead sure, and that was that Tom
Well, one thing was for certain: Tom Sawyer was
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Sawyer was in earnest, and was actuly going to help steal
that nigger out of slavery. That was the thing that was too
serious and was actually going to help steal a n----out of slavery. That was the part that I was having the
many for me. Here was a boy that was respectable and well
brung up; and had a character to lose; and folks at home
most trouble with. Here was a respectable and wellmannered boy. He had a reputation to lose, and his
that had characters; and he was bright and not leatherheaded; and knowing and not ignorant; and not mean, but
folks at home had a reputation too. He was bright and
not a thick-headed idiot. He was intelligent, not
kind; and yet here he was, without any more pride, or
rightness, or feeling, than to stoop to this business, and
ignorant. He was kind, not mean. Yet here he was,
showing no pride or concern as he lowered himself
make himself a shame, and his family a shame, before
everybody. I COULDN’T understand it no way at all. It was
into this business. He felt no shame for himself or his
family. I COULDN’T understand this at all. It was
outrageous, and I knowed I ought to just up and tell him so;
and so be his true friend, and let him quit the thing right
outrageous, and I knew that as his true friend I ought
to stand up and tell him that so that he could quit right
where he was and save himself. And I DID start to tell him;
but he shut me up, and says:
there and save himself. I DID start to tell him, this, but
he shut me up and said:
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“Don’t you reckon I know what I’m about? Don’t I generly
know what I’m about?”
“Don’t you think I know what I’m doing? Don’t I usually
know what’s going on?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t I SAY I was going to help steal the nigger?”
“Didn’t I SAY I was going to help steal a n-----?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“WELL, then.”
“Well, there you go, then.”
That’s all he said, and that’s all I said. It warn’t no use to say
any more; because when he said he’d do a thing, he always
That’s all he said, and that’s all I said. It wasn’t any
use to say anything more. When he said he was going
done it. But I couldn’t make out how he was willing to go into
this thing; so I just let it go, and never bothered no more
to do something, he always did it. But I still didn’t
understand why he was willing to help. I just let it go,
about it. If he was bound to have it so, I couldn’t help it.
and didn’t think any more about it. If he was intent on
it being this way, then I couldn’t change it.
When we got home the house was all dark and still; so we
went on down to the hut by the ash-hopper for to examine it.
When we got home, the house was dark and still, so
we went down to the hut by the ash-hopper to
We went through the yard so as to see what the hounds
would do. They knowed us, and didn’t make no more noise
examine it. We went through the yard so we could see
how the dogs would react. They knew us, and didn’t
than country dogs is always doing when anything comes by
in the night. When we got to the cabin we took a look at the
make any noise other than the noises country dogs
usually make when something passes by in the night.
front and the two sides; and on the side I warn’t acquainted
with—which was the north side—we found a square
When we got to the cabin we took a look at the front
and the two sides. On the one side that I wasn’t
window-hole, up tolerable high, with just one stout board
nailed across it. I says:
familiar with—the north side—we found a square hole
that served as a window. It was pretty high up and had
one board nailed across it. I said:
“Here’s the ticket. This hole’s big enough for Jim to get
“Here’s how we’ll do it. This hole is big enough for Jim
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through if we wrench off the board.”
to get through if we pulled the board off.”
Tom says:
Tom said:
“It’s as simple as tit-tat-toe, three-in-a-row, and as easy as
playing hooky. I should HOPE we can find a way that’s a
“That would be as simple as getting three-in-a-row in
tick-tack-toe. And it’s just as easy as skipping school. I
little more complicated than THAT, Huck Finn.”
HOPE we can find a way to break him out that’s more
complicated than THAT, Huck Finn.”
“Well, then,” I says, “how ’ll it do to saw him out, the way I
done before I was murdered that time?”
“Well, then,” I said. “How about we saw him out, the
way I did before I was murdered?”
“That’s more LIKE,” he says. “It’s real mysterious, and
troublesome, and good,” he says; “but I bet we can find a
“That’s more LIKE it,” he said. “That’ll make it really
mysterious and troublesome and good,” he said. “But I
way that’s twice as long. There ain’t no hurry; le’s keep on
looking around.”
bet we can find a way that’s twice as complicated.
We’re not in a rush—let’s keep looking around.”
Betwixt the hut and the fence, on the back side, was a leanto that joined the hut at the eaves, and was made out of
Around the rear, between the hut and fence was a
lean-to made out of planks that joined the hut at the
plank. It was as long as the hut, but narrow—only about six
foot wide. The door to it was at the south end, and was
eaves. It was a long as the hut, but narrower—only
about six feet wide. The door to it was on the south
padlocked. Tom he went to the soap-kettle and searched
around, and fetched back the iron thing they lift the lid with;
end and padlocked. Tom went to the soap kettle and
searched around, and finally brought back the piece of
so he took it and prized out one of the staples. The chain fell
down, and we opened the door and went in, and shut it, and
iron they lift the lid with. He used it to pry up one of the
crossbeams. The chain fell down, and we opened the
struck a match, and see the shed was only built against a
cabin and hadn’t no connection with it; and there warn’t no
door and went in. We shut the door behind us and
struck a match. We saw that the shed was only built
floor to the shed, nor nothing in it but some old rusty playedout hoes and spades and picks and a crippled plow. The
up next to the cabin, but wasn’t connected to it. We
also saw that the shed didn’t have a proper floor or
match went out, and so did we, and shoved in the staple
again, and the door was locked as good as ever. Tom was
anything in it except some rusty old hoes, spades,
picks, and broken plow. The match went out, and we
joyful. He says;
left. We locked the door again and made it as good as
ever by replacing the crossbeam. Tom was happy,
and said:
“Now we’re all right. We’ll DIG him out. It ’ll take about a
“Now we’re set—we’ll DIG him out. It’ll take about a
week!”
week!”
Then we started for the house, and I went in the back
We started back for the house. I went in the back
door—you only have to pull a buckskin latch-string, they
don’t fasten the doors—but that warn’t romantical enough
door—you only had to pull a buckskin latch-string
since they didn’t fasten the doors properly. That
for Tom Sawyer; no way would do him but he must climb up
the lightning-rod. But after he got up half way about three
wasn’t dramatic enough for Tom Sawyer, though.
Nothing would satisfy him except climbing up the
times, and missed fire and fell every time, and the last time
most busted his brains out, he thought he’d got to give it up;
lightening rod. He tried climbing it three times, but
each time he only reached halfway before falling—the
but after he was rested he allowed he would give her one
more turn for luck, and this time he made the trip.
last time, he nearly busting his brains out. After these
unsuccessful attempts he decided to give up. After
resting a bit, though, he said he’d give it one more try,
and this time he made it all the way up.
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In the morning we was up at break of day, and down to the
nigger cabins to pet the dogs and make friends with the
The next morning, we got up at dawn and went down
to the n----- cabins to pet the dogs and make friends
nigger that fed Jim—if it WAS Jim that was being fed. The
niggers was just getting through breakfast and starting for
with the n----- who’d fed Jim—if that WAS Jim who
was being fed. The n------ were just finishing up
the fields; and Jim’s nigger was piling up a tin pan with
bread and meat and things; and whilst the others was
breakfast and heading out to the fields. The n----- who
fed Jim was piling up a tin pan with bread and meat
leaving, the key come from the house.
and things. While the others were leaving, the key
came from the house.
This nigger had a good-natured, chuckle-headed face, and
his wool was all tied up in little bunches with thread. That
The n----- had a good-natured, smiling face, and his
hair was all tied up in little bunches with thread to
was to keep witches off. He said the witches was pestering
him awful these nights, and making him see all kinds of
keep the witches away. He said witches were
pestering him pretty badly these past few nights,
strange things, and hear all kinds of strange words and
noises, and he didn’t believe he was ever witched so long
causing him to see and hear all kinds of strange
things. He said he’d never been so bewitched in all his
before in his life. He got so worked up, and got to running on
so about his troubles, he forgot all about what he’d been a-
life. He got so worked up telling us all about his
troubles that he forgot what he was going to do. So
going to do. So Tom says:
Tom said:
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“What’s the vittles for? Going to feed the dogs?”
“What’s the food for? Going to feed the dogs?”
The nigger kind of smiled around gradually over his face,
like when you heave a brickbat in a mud-puddle, and he
A slow smile spread over the n-----’s face, kind of like
how ripples spread over the water after you throw a
says:
brick in. He said:
“Yes, Mars Sid, A dog. Cur’us dog, too. Does you want to go
“Yes, Master Sid—a dog. Pretty interesting dog, too.
en look at ’im?”
Do you want to go and look at him?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
I hunched Tom, and whispers:
I pulled Tom aside and whispered:
“You going, right here in the daybreak? THAT warn’t the
“You’re going right in there in the midde of the day?
plan.”
THAT wasn’t the plan.”
“No, it warn’t; but it’s the plan NOW.”
“No it wasn’t. But it’s the plan NOW.”
So, drat him, we went along, but I didn’t like it much. When
we got in we couldn’t hardly see anything, it was so dark;
Darn him. So we went along, but I didn’t like it much. It
was so dark when we went inside, that I couldn’t see
but Jim was there, sure enough, and could see us; and he
sings out:
anything. But sure enough, Jim was there, and he
could see us too. He cried out:
“Why, HUCK! En good LAN’! ain’ dat Misto Tom?”
“HUCK! And my word! Isn’t that Mister Tom?”
I just knowed how it would be; I just expected it. I didn’t
I knew this would happen, and I’d expected it to. But I
know nothing to do; and if I had I couldn’t a done it, because
that nigger busted in and says:
didn’t know what to do—and even if I had, the n----jumped in said:
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“Why, de gracious sakes! do he know you genlmen?”
“Land’s sake! Does he know you gentlemen?”
We could see pretty well now. Tom he looked at the nigger,
We could see pretty well now. Tom looked at the n-----
steady and kind of wondering, and says:
slowly with a puzzled look on his face and said:
“Does WHO know us?”
“Does WHO know us?”
“Why, dis-yer runaway nigger.”
“Why… this runaway n-----.”
“I don’t reckon he does; but what put that into your head?”
“I don’t think he does. What would put that idea into
your head?”
“What PUT it dar? Didn’ he jis’ dis minute sing out like he
“What PUT it there? Didn’t he just cry out a minute
knowed you?”
ago that he knew you?”
Tom says, in a puzzled-up kind of way:
Tom said in a puzzled kind of way:
“Well, that’s mighty curious. WHO sung out? WHEN did he
sing out? WHAT did he sing out?” And turns to me, perfectly
“Well that’s pretty funny. WHO cried out? And WHEN
did he cry out? And WHAT did he cry out?” He turned
ca’m, and says, “Did YOU hear anybody sing out?”
to me perfectly calm and said, “Did YOU hear anyone
cry out?”
Of course there warn’t nothing to be said but the one thing;
so I says:
Of course, I could only say one thing, so I said:
“No; I ain’t heard nobody say nothing.”
“No. I didn’t hear anyone say anything.”
Then he turns to Jim, and looks him over like he never see
Then Tom turned to Jim. He looked him over as if he’d
him before, and says:
never seen him before, and said:
“Did you sing out?”
“Did you cry out?”
“No, sah,” says Jim; “I hain’t said nothing, sah.”
“No, sir,” Jim said. “I didn’t say anything, sir.”
“Not a word?”
“Not a word?”
“No, sah, I hain’t said a word.”
“No, sir. I didn’t say a word.”
“Did you ever see us before?”
“Have you ever seen us before?”
“No, sah; not as I knows on.”
“No, sir. Not that I know of.”
So Tom turns to the nigger, which was looking wild and
So Tom turned to the n-----, who was looking pretty
distressed, and says, kind of severe:
frantic and worried. He said, kind of severely:
“What do you reckon’s the matter with you, anyway? What
“What’s the matter with you, anyway? What made you
made you think somebody sung out?”
think someone had cried out?”
“Oh, it’s de dad-blame’ witches, sah, en I wisht I was dead, I
“Oh, it’s the darn witches, sir! I wish I were dead, I
do. Dey’s awluz at it, sah, en dey do mos’ kill me, dey
sk’yers me so. Please to don’t tell nobody ’bout it sah, er ole
really do. They’re always at it, sir, and it’s killing me.
They scare me so much. Please don’t tell anyone
Mars Silas he’ll scole me; ’kase he say dey AIN’T no
witches. I jis’ wish to goodness he was heah now—DEN
about it, sir, or old Master Silas will scold me. He says
there aren’t any witches. I just wish to God that he
what would he say! I jis’ bet he couldn’ fine no way to git
aroun’ it DIS time. But it’s awluz jis’ so; people dat’s SOT,
were here now—THEN what would he say? I bet he
couldn’t ignore them this time. But it’s always like
stays sot; dey won’t look into noth’n’en fine it out f’r
this—people who’re set stay set. They don’t
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deyselves, en when YOU fine it out en tell um ’bout it, dey
doan’ b’lieve you.”
investigate or try to find out anything for themselves.
And when YOU find it out and tell them about it, they
don’t believe you.”
Tom give him a dime, and said we wouldn’t tell nobody; and
Tom gave him a dime, and said we wouldn’t tell
told him to buy some more thread to tie up his wool with;
and then looks at Jim, and says:
anyone. He also told him to buy some more thread to
tie up his hair with. Then he looked at Jim and said:
“I wonder if Uncle Silas is going to hang this nigger. If I was
to catch a nigger that was ungrateful enough to run away, I
“I wonder if Uncle Silas is going to hang this n-----. If I
were to catch a n----- that was ungrateful enough to
wouldn’t give him up, I’d hang him.” And whilst the nigger
stepped to the door to look at the dime and bite it to see if it
run away, I wouldn’t give him away—I’d hang him.”
While the n----- stepped into the doorway to look at the
was good, he whispers to Jim and says:
dime in the sunlight and bite it to see if it was genuine,
Tom whispered to Jim:
“Don’t ever let on to know us. And if you hear any digging
going on nights, it’s us; we’re going to set you free.”
“Don’t ever say that you know us. And if you hear any
digging going on at night, it’s us. We’re going to set
you free.”
Jim only had time to grab us by the hand and squeeze it;
Jim had just enough time to grab us each by the hand
then the nigger come back, and we said we’d come again
some time if the nigger wanted us to; and he said he would,
and squeeze them before the n----- came back. We
said we’d come back again if the n----- wanted us to,
more particular if it was dark, because the witches went for
him mostly in the dark, and it was good to have folks around
and he said he’d like that, especially when it was dark
since the witches usually went after him at night. He
then.
said it was good to have other people around.
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IT would be most an hour yet till breakfast, so we left and
Breakfast was almost an hour away, so we left the
struck down into the woods; because Tom said we got to
have SOME light to see how to dig by, and a lantern makes
house and headed down to the woods. Tom said we
had to have SOME light in order to see where we
too much, and might get us into trouble; what we must have
was a lot of them rotten chunks that’s called fox-fire, and just
were digging. He said a lantern made too much light
and might get us caught. We needed a lot of rotten
makes a soft kind of a glow when you lay them in a dark
place. We fetched an armful and hid it in the weeds, and set
chunks of something called foxfire, which make a kind
of soft glow when you put them in a dark place. We
down to rest, and Tom says, kind of dissatisfied:
brought an armful back of it and hid it in the woods.
Then we sat down to rest. Tom said in a dissatisfied
kind of way:
“Blame it, this whole thing is just as easy and awkward as it
“Darn it, this whole situation is just too easy. It’s really
can be. And so it makes it so rotten difficult to get up a
difficult plan. There ain’t no watchman to be drugged—now
hard to come up with a difficult plan. There’s no
watchman to drug—and it would be nice if there
there OUGHT to be a watchman. There ain’t even a dog to
give a sleeping-mixture to. And there’s Jim chained by one
WERE a watchman. There isn’t even a dog that we
have to give sleeping medicine to. And Jim’s only
leg, with a ten-foot chain, to the leg of his bed: why, all you
got to do is to lift up the bedstead and slip off the chain. And
chained to the leg of his bed with a single ten-foot long
chain—I mean, all you have to do to set him free is lift
Uncle Silas he trusts everybody; sends the key to the
up the end of the bed and slip the chain out from
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punkin-headed nigger, and don’t send nobody to watch the
nigger. Jim could a got out of that window-hole before this,
under it! Uncle Silas trusts everyone too much and
just sends the key to that pumpkin-headed n----- of his
only there wouldn’t be no use trying to travel with a ten-foot
chain on his leg. Why, drat it, Huck, it’s the stupidest
without anyone to watch him. Jim could’ve gotten
himself out of that little window hole long before now
arrangement I ever see. You got to invent ALL the
difficulties. Well, we can’t help it; we got to do the best we
except that there’d be no use for him to travel with a
ten-foot long chain wrapped around his leg. Darn it,
can with the materials we’ve got. Anyhow, there’s one
thing—there’s more honor in getting him out through a lot of
Huck, it’s the dumbest arrangement I’ve ever seen.
You’ve got to INVENT all the roadblocks yourself!
difficulties and dangers, where there warn’t one of them
furnished to you by the people who it was their duty to
Well, we just have to do the best we can with the
materials we have. There’s more honor in surmounting
furnish them, and you had to contrive them all out of your
own head. Now look at just that one thing of the lantern.
lots of difficulties to break him out, even if you have to
make up those troubles yourself because they weren’t
When you come down to the cold facts, we simply got to
LET ON that a lantern’s resky. Why, we could work with a
made by people whose job it was to make them! I
mean, just look at our situation with the lantern: When
torchlight procession if we wanted to, I believe. Now, whilst I
think of it, we got to hunt up something to make a saw out of
you get down to it, we simply HAVE to pretend that
the lantern’s too risky. Why, I’m sure that we could
the first chance we get.”
work with an entire parade of people holding torches if
we wanted to and still not get caught. And, while I’m
thinking about it, we’re going to need to make a saw of
something the first chance we get.
“What do we want of a saw?”
“What do we need a saw for?”
“What do we WANT of a saw? Hain’t we got to saw the leg
“What do we need a SAW for? Aren’t we going to
of Jim’s bed off, so as to get the chain loose?”
have to saw the leg off Jim’s bed so we can get the
chain loose?”
“Why, you just said a body could lift up the bedstead and
slip the chain off.”
“But you just said that anyone could just lift up the end
of the bed and slip the chain off.”
“Well, if that ain’t just like you, Huck Finn. You CAN get up
the infant-schooliest ways of going at a thing. Why, hain’t
“That’s just like you, Huck Finn. You always come up
with the most childish ways of doing things. Why,
you ever read any books at all?—Baron Trenck, nor
Casanova, nor Benvenuto Chelleeny, nor Henri IV., nor
haven’t you read any books at all? Books about Baron
Trenck or Casanova or Benvenuto Chelleeny or Henry
none of them heroes? Who ever heard of getting a prisoner
loose in such an old-maidy way as that? No; the way all the
IV or any of those heroes? Whoever heard of breaking
a prisoner loose in such a granny-like way? No—all
best authorities does is to saw the bed-leg in two, and leave
it just so, and swallow the sawdust, so it can’t be found, and
the top authorities on the matter say to saw the bed
leg in two, and then make it look like it hadn’t been
put some dirt and grease around the sawed place so the
very keenest seneskal can’t see no sign of it’s being sawed,
sawed at all. And you’ve got to swallow the sawdust
so that it can’t be found and put some dirt and grease
and thinks the bed-leg is perfectly sound. Then, the night
you’re ready, fetch the leg a kick, down she goes; slip off
around the sawed place so that even the very best
seneskal can’t find any evidence that it’s been sawed
your chain, and there you are. Nothing to do but hitch your
rope ladder to the battlements, shin down it, break your leg
and thinks the bed leg is perfectly normal. And then on
the night you’re ready, just give the bed leg a kick, and
in the moat—because a rope ladder is nineteen foot too
short, you know—and there’s your horses and your trusty
down it falls. Slip off the chain, and there you go. Then
the only thing left to do is tie your rope ladder to the
vassles, and they scoop you up and fling you across a
saddle, and away you go to your native Langudoc, or
battlements, shimmy down, and break your leg in the
moat when you let go of the ladder—which is nineteen
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Navarre, or wherever it is. It’s gaudy, Huck. I wish there was
a moat to this cabin. If we get time, the night of the escape,
feet too short, you know. Your horses will be there
with your trusty vassles, who will scoop you up, fling
we’ll dig one.”
you over the saddle, and take you back to your
homeland in Langudoc or Navarre or wherever you’re
from. It’s brilliant, Huck. I wish there was a moat
around this cabin. If we have time on the night of the
escape, we’ll dig one.
I says:
I said:
“What do we want of a moat when we’re going to snake him
out from under the cabin?”
“Why do we want there to be a moat if we’re trying to
sneak out from under the cabin?”
But he never heard me. He had forgot me and everything
else. He had his chin in his hand, thinking. Pretty soon he
But he didn’t hear me. He had forgotten about me and
everything else. He sat thinking with his chin in his
sighs and shakes his head; then sighs again, and says:
hand. Pretty soon he sighed and shook his head.
Then he sighed again and said:
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“No, it wouldn’t do—there ain’t necessity enough for it.”
“No, it wouldn’t do—we don’t need to do it.”
“For what?” I says.
“Don’t need to do what?”
“Why, to saw Jim’s leg off,” he says.
“Why, saw Jim’s leg off, of course,” he said.
“Good land!” I says; “why, there ain’t NO necessity for it.
“Good Lord!” I said. “OF COURSE we don’t need to do
And what would you want to saw his leg off for, anyway?”
that. Why would you ever want to saw his leg off
anyway?”
“Well, some of the best authorities has done it. They couldn’t
get the chain off, so they just cut their hand off and shoved.
“Well, some of the best authorities have done it. If they
can’t get the chain off, they’ll cut their hand off and pull
And a leg would be better still. But we got to let that go.
There ain’t necessity enough in this case; and, besides,
it through the shackle. A leg would be even better. But
we’ve got to let that go. There isn’t enough of a need
Jim’s a nigger, and wouldn’t understand the reasons for it,
and how it’s the custom in Europe; so we’ll let it go. But
in this case. Besides, Jim’s a n-----; he wouldn’t
understand why we’d cut his leg off, since it’s a
there’s one thing—he can have a rope ladder; we can tear
up our sheets and make him a rope ladder easy enough.
European tradition. We’ll just let it go. But there is one
thing—he can have a rope ladder. We can tear up our
And we can send it to him in a pie; it’s mostly done that way.
And I’ve et worse pies.”
sheets and make him a rope ladder pretty easily. And
we can deliver it to him in a pie since that’s how it’s
usually done. Besides, I’ve eaten worse pies.”
“Why, Tom Sawyer, how you talk,” I says; “Jim ain’t got no
“Just listen to yourself, Tom Sawyer,” I said. “Jim
use for a rope ladder.”
doesn’t need a rope ladder!”
“He HAS got use for it. How YOU talk, you better say; you
“He DOES need one. Listen to YOURSELF, you
don’t know nothing about it. He’s GOT to have a rope
ladder; they all do.”
should say—you don’t know anything about this. He’s
GOT to have a rope ladder. They all do.”
“What in the nation can he DO with it?”
“What in the world would he DO with it?”
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“DO with it? He can hide it in his bed, can’t he? That’s what
they all do; and HE’S got to, too. Huck, you don’t ever seem
“What would he DO with it? He can hide it in his bed,
can’t he? That’s what they all do. And that’s what
to want to do anything that’s regular; you want to be starting
something fresh all the time. S’pose he DON’T do nothing
HE’S got to do it, too. Huck, you never want to do
anything the way it’s supposed to be done. You want
with it? ain’t it there in his bed, for a clew, after he’s gone?
and don’t you reckon they’ll want clews? Of course they will.
to find new ways of doing things all the time. Suppose
he doesn’t do ANYTHING with it? Won’t it still be there
And you wouldn’t leave them any? That would be a
PRETTY howdy-do, WOULDN’T it! I never heard of such a
in his bed—left as a clue—after he’s gone? And don’t
you think they’ll want some clues? Of course they will.
thing.”
And you wouldn’t leave them any? That wouldn’t be
too nice, WOULDN’T it! I never heard of such thing,
Huck.”
“Well,” I says, “if it’s in the regulations, and he’s got to have
“Well,” I said. “If the rule book says the rope ladder,
it, all right, let him have it; because I don’t wish to go back
on no regulations; but there’s one thing, Tom Sawyer—if we
then he’s got to have it. That’s the way it’ll be,
because I don’t want to go breaking any rules. But
go to tearing up our sheets to make Jim a rope ladder, we’re
going to get into trouble with Aunt Sally, just as sure as
there’s one thing, Tom Sawyer—if we tear up our
sheets to make a rope ladder for Jim, I’m certain we’ll
you’re born. Now, the way I look at it, a hickry-bark ladder
don’t cost nothing, and don’t waste nothing, and is just as
going to get in trouble with Aunt Sally. Now, the way I
see it, a ladder made out of the bark of hickory trees
good to load up a pie with, and hide in a straw tick, as any
rag ladder you can start; and as for Jim, he ain’t had no
won’t cost anything and won’t ruin anything. And it’s
just as good to put in a pie and hide in a straw
experience, and so he don’t care what kind of a—”
mattress as any ladder made of sheets. As for Jim,
he’s inexperienced in all this, so he doesn’t care what
kind of….”
“Oh, shucks, Huck Finn, if I was as ignorant as you I’d keep
“Oh heck, Huck, Finn. If I were as ignorant as you, I’d
still—that’s what I’D do. Who ever heard of a state prisoner
escaping by a hickry-bark ladder? Why, it’s perfectly
keep quiet, that’s what I’D do. Who ever heard of a
state prisoner escaping by way of a hickory-bark
ridiculous.”
ladder? Why, it’s perfectly ridiculous.”
“Well, all right, Tom, fix it your own way; but if you’ll take my
“Well all right, Tom, have it your way. But if you’ll take
advice, you’ll let me borrow a sheet off of the clothesline.”
my advice, you’ll let me take a sheet off the
clothesline.”
He said that would do. And that gave him another idea, and
he says:
He said that would be fine. And that gave him another
idea, too, and he said:
“Borrow a shirt, too.”
“Take a shirt, too.”
“What do we want of a shirt, Tom?”
“What do we need a shirt for, Tom?”
“Want it for Jim to keep a journal on.”
“We’ll need it for Jim to keep a journal on.”
“Journal your granny—JIM can’t write.”
“Journal my butt—Jim can’t write!”
“S’pose he CAN’T write—he can make marks on the shirt,
can’t he, if we make him a pen out of an old pewter spoon or
“Okay, so he CAN’T write. But he can at least make
marks on the shirt if we make him a pen out of an old
a piece of an old iron barrel-hoop?”
pewter spoon or a piece of iron from an old barrel
hoop, can’t he?”
“Why, Tom, we can pull a feather out of a goose and make
“Tom, we could just pull a feather out of a goose and
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him a better one; and quicker, too.”
make him a quill to write with. That’d even be faster,
too.”
“PRISONERS don’t have geese running around the donjonkeep to pull pens out of, you muggins. They ALWAYS make
“There are no geese running around in castle
dungeons for PRISONERS to pull the quills out of, you
their pens out of the hardest, toughest, troublesomest piece
of old brass candlestick or something like that they can get
idiot. They ALWAYS make their pens out of the
hardest, toughest, most difficult piece of old brass
their hands on; and it takes them weeks and weeks and
months and months to file it out, too, because they’ve got to
candlestick or whatever they can get their hands on.
And it takes them weeks and weeks and months and
do it by rubbing it on the wall. THEY wouldn’t use a goosequill if they had it. It ain’t regular.”
months to file it down, too, because they’ve got to do it
by rubbing it on the wall. THEY wouldn’t use a goosequill even if they had it. That’s just not the way it’s
done.”
“Well, then, what’ll we make him the ink out of?”
“Well, then, what’ll we make the ink out of?”
“Many makes it out of iron-rust and tears; but that’s the
“Many prisoners make ink out of iron rust or their own
common sort and women; the best authorities uses their
own blood. Jim can do that; and when he wants to send any
tears, but that’s mostly for common folk and women.
The best authorities use their own blood. Jim can do
little common ordinary mysterious message to let the world
know where he’s captivated, he can write it on the bottom of
that, and when he wants to send any little common
mysterious message to let the world know where’s he
a tin plate with a fork and throw it out of the window. The
Iron Mask always done that, and it’s a blame’ good way,
being held captive, he can write it on the bottom of a
tin plate with a fork and then throw it out the window.
too.”
The Man in the Iron Mask always did that, and it’s a
darn good way of doing it, too.”
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“Jim ain’t got no tin plates. They feed him in a pan.”
“Jim doesn’t have any tin plates. They feed him from a
pan.”
“That ain’t nothing; we can get him some.”
“That’s not a problem. We can get him some tin
plates.”
“Can’t nobody READ his plates.”
“But no one would be able to read his writing on the
plates.”
“That ain’t got anything to DO with it, Huck Finn. All HE’S
got to do is to write on the plate and throw it out. You don’t
“That doesn’t have anything to DO with it, Huck Finn.
All HE’S got to do is write on the plate and throw it out.
HAVE to be able to read it. Why, half the time you can’t read
anything a prisoner writes on a tin plate, or anywhere else.”
You don’t HAVE to be able to read it. Why, half the
time you can’t read anything a prisoner writes on a tin
plate or anywyere else anyway.”
“Well, then, what’s the sense in wasting the plates?”
“Well, then, what’s the point of ruining the plates?”
“Why, blame it all, it ain’t the PRISONER’S plates.”
“Why, darn it, they aren’t the PRISONER’S plates.”
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“But it’s SOMEBODY’S plates, ain’t it?”
“But they’re SOMEBODY’S plates, aren’t they?”
“Well, spos’n it is? What does the PRISONER care whose—
“Well, suppose they are? What does the prisoner care
”
whose….”
He broke off there, because we heard the breakfast-horn
He stopped talking because we heard the breakfast
blowing. So we cleared out for the house.
horn blowing. So we headed back to the house.
Along during the morning I borrowed a sheet and a white
Later in the morning, I borrowed a sheet and a white
shirt off of the clothes-line; and I found an old sack and put
them in it, and we went down and got the fox-fire, and put
shirt off the clothesline. I found an old sack and put
them in it. Then I went down and got the foxfire and
that in too. I called it borrowing, because that was what pap
always called it; but Tom said it warn’t borrowing, it was
put that in there too. I call it “borrowing” because
what’s what pap always called it. Tom, though, said it
stealing. He said we was representing prisoners; and
prisoners don’t care how they get a thing so they get it, and
was stealing, not borrowing. He said we were
representing prisoners, and prisoners don’t care how
nobody don’t blame them for it, either. It ain’t no crime in a
prisoner to steal the thing he needs to get away with, Tom
they get something so long as they get it. And no one
blames them for stealing either. It’s not a crime for a
said; it’s his right; and so, as long as we was representing a
prisoner, we had a perfect right to steal anything on this
prisoner to steal the things he needs to escape, Tom
said—it’s his right. And so long as we were
place we had the least use for to get ourselves out of prison
with. He said if we warn’t prisoners it would be a very
representing a prisoner, we had a perfect right to steal
anything around here that might be of the slightest use
different thing, and nobody but a mean, ornery person would
steal when he warn’t a prisoner. So we allowed we would
for getting someone out of prison. He said it’d be a
very different matter if we weren’t prisoners, and that
steal everything there was that come handy. And yet he
made a mighty fuss, one day, after that, when I stole a
no one but a mean, low-down person would steal if he
weren’t a prisoner. So we figured we would steal
watermelon out of the nigger-patch and eat it; and he made
me go and give the niggers a dime without telling them what
everything that we thought would come in handy. Still,
he made a pretty big fuss one day after that when I
it was for. Tom said that what he meant was, we could steal
anything we NEEDED. Well, I says, I needed the
stole a watermelon out of a n----- garden and ate it. He
made me go and give the n------ a dime without telling
watermelon. But he said I didn’t need it to get out of prison
with; there’s where the difference was. He said if I’d a
them what it was for. Tom said that he had meant we
could steal anything that we NEEDED. Well, I said, I
wanted it to hide a knife in, and smuggle it to Jim to kill the
seneskal with, it would a been all right. So I let it go at that,
needed the watermelon. But he said I didn’t need it to
get out of prison with—that was the difference. He
though I couldn’t see no advantage in my representing a
prisoner if I got to set down and chaw over a lot of gold-leaf
said if I’d wanted to hide a knife in it and smuggle it to
Jim to kill the seneskal with, that would have been all
distinctions like that every time I see a chance to hog a
watermelon.
right. So I dropped the matter, though I couldn’t really
see the use in representing a prisoner if I had to sit
down and think about all the fine print like that every
time I had the opportunity to steal a watermelon.
Well, as I was saying, we waited that morning till everybody
was settled down to business, and nobody in sight around
Well, as I was saying, we waited that morning until
everyone had started work and no one was in sight in
the yard; then Tom he carried the sack into the lean-to whilst
I stood off a piece to keep watch. By and by he come out,
the yard. Then Tom carried the sack into the lean-to
while I stood off a little ways to keep watch. Pretty
and we went and set down on the woodpile to talk. He says:
soon, Tom came out of the lean-to, and we went and
sat down by the woodpile to talk. He said:
“Everything’s all right now except tools; and that’s easy
“Everything’s set now except for the tools. And that’s
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fixed.”
easy to fix.”
“Tools?” I says.
“Tools?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Tools for what?”
“Tools for what?”
“Why, to dig with. We ain’t a-going to GNAW him out, are
we?”
“Why, tools to dig with. We aren’t going to GNAW him
out, are we?”
“Ain’t them old crippled picks and things in there good
enough to dig a nigger out with?” I says.
“Aren’t those old crippled picks and things in there
good enough to dig a n----- out with?” I said.
He turns on me, looking pitying enough to make a body cry,
and says:
He turned to me, looking at me as if I were so pathetic
he was going to him cry. He said:
“Huck Finn, did you EVER hear of a prisoner having picks
and shovels, and all the modern conveniences in his
“Huck Finn, did you EVER hear of a prisoner having
picks and shovels and all the modern conveniences in
wardrobe to dig himself out with? Now I want to ask you—if
you got any reasonableness in you at all—what kind of a
his wardrobe to dig himself out with? Now I want to
ask you—if you have any sense in you at all—what
show would THAT give him to be a hero? Why, they might
as well lend him the key and done with it. Picks and
kind of a drama would THAT bring to make Jim a
hero? Why, they might as well just give him the key to
shovels—why, they wouldn’t furnish ’em to a king.”
unlock himself and be done with it. Picks and
shovels—why, they wouldn’t give those tools to a
king.”
“Well, then,” I says, “if we don’t want the picks and shovels,
“Well, them,” I said. “If we don’t want the picks and
what do we want?”
shovels, what do we want?”
“A couple of case-knives.”
“A couple of pocket knives.”
“To dig the foundations out from under that cabin with?”
“To dig the foundation out from under that cabin?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Confound it, it’s foolish, Tom.”
“Darn it, Tom, that’s just silly.”
“It don’t make no difference how foolish it is, it’s the RIGHT
“It doesn’t make a difference how silly it is, it’s the
way—and it’s the regular way. And there ain’t no OTHER
way, that ever I heard of, and I’ve read all the books that
RIGHT way to do it. It’s the normal way. There isn’t
any OTHER way that I’ve ever heard of, and I’ve read
gives any information about these things. They always dig
out with a case-knife—and not through dirt, mind you;
all the books that say anything about this kind of stuff.
They always dig out with a pocket knife—and not
generly it’s through solid rock. And it takes them weeks and
weeks and weeks, and for ever and ever. Why, look at one
through dirt, mind you. Generally speaking, they dig
through solid rock. And it takes them weeks and
of them prisoners in the bottom dungeon of the Castle Deef,
in the harbor of Marseilles, that dug himself out that way;
weeks and weeks and forever and ever. For example,
take that prisoner in the dungeon of the Chateau Deef
how long was HE at it, you reckon?”
in the harbor of Marseilles, who dug himself out that
way. How long do you think it took HIM?
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“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, guess.”
“Well, take a guess.”
“I don’t know. A month and a half.”
“I don’t know—a month and a half.”
“THIRTY-SEVEN YEAR—and he come out in China.
“Thirty-seven YEARS. And he popped out in China.
THAT’S the kind. I wish the bottom of THIS fortress was
solid rock.”
That’s the way to do it. I wish the bottom of THIS
fortress was solid rock.”
“JIM don’t know nobody in China.”
“JIM doesn’t know anyone in China.”
“What’s THAT got to do with it? Neither did that other fellow.
“What’s THAT got to do with it? Neither did that other
But you’re always a-wandering off on a side issue. Why
can’t you stick to the main point?”
fellow. But you’re always wandering off topic. Why
can’t you ever stick to the main point?”
“All right—I don’t care where he comes out, so he COMES
out; and Jim don’t, either, I reckon. But there’s one thing,
“All right—I don’t care where he comes out so long as
he COMES out. And Jim doesn’t either, I suppose. But
anyway—Jim’s too old to be dug out with a case-knife. He
won’t last.”
there’s one other thing—Jim’s too old to be dug out
with a pocket knife. He wouldn’t last that long.”
“Yes he will LAST, too. You don’t reckon it’s going to take
thirty-seven years to dig out through a DIRT foundation, do
“Yes he will LAST that long. You don’t think it’s going
to take us thirty-seven years to dig through a DIRT
you?”
foundation, do you?”
“How long will it take, Tom?”
“Well how long will it take us, Tom?”
“Well, we can’t resk being as long as we ought to, because it
mayn’t take very long for Uncle Silas to hear from down
“Well, we can’t risk taking as much time as it should
take, because it might not be long before Uncle Silas
there by New Orleans. He’ll hear Jim ain’t from there. Then
his next move will be to advertise Jim, or something like
sends word back from New Orleans. He’ll find out that
Jim isn’t from there. Then his next move will be to
that. So we can’t resk being as long digging him out as we
ought to. By rights I reckon we ought to be a couple of
advertise Jim as a runaway slave, or something like
that. We can’t risk spending too much time digging.
years; but we can’t. Things being so uncertain, what I
recommend is this: that we really dig right in, as quick as we
We should take a couple of years, but we can’t. With
things being so uncertain, I recommend that we dig
can; and after that, we can LET ON, to ourselves, that we
was at it thirty-seven years. Then we can snatch him out
right in as quickly as we can, then we PRETEND that
it took us thirty-seven years. Then we can snatch Jim
and rush him away the first time there’s an alarm. Yes, I
reckon that ’ll be the best way.”
out of there and take him away the first time there’s an
alarm. Yes, I think that’s the best way to do it.”
“Now, there’s SENSE in that,” I says. “Letting on don’t cost
nothing; letting on ain’t no trouble; and if it’s any object, I
“Now THAT makes sense,” I said. “Pretending doesn’t
cost anything or bring any trouble. And I wouldn’t mind
don’t mind letting on we was at it a hundred and fifty year. It
wouldn’t strain me none, after I got my hand in. So I’ll mosey
pretending that it took us a hundred and fifty years to
do it. I wouldn’t care much either after it’s done. So I’ll
along now, and smouch a couple of case-knives.”
go along now and steal a couple of pocket knives.”
“Smouch three,” he says; “we want one to make a saw out
“Steal three,” he said. “We want to make a saw out of
of.”
one.”
“Tom, if it ain’t unregular and irreligious to sejest it,” I says,
“Tom, I don’t mean to be rude or disrespectful,” I said,
“there’s an old rusty saw-blade around yonder sticking under
the weather-boarding behind the smoke-house.”
“but there’s an old rusty saw blade over there that’s
sticking under the weather boarding behind the
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smokehouse.”
He looked kind of weary and discouraged-like, and says:
Looking discouraged and kind of tired, he said:
“It ain’t no use to try to learn you nothing, Huck. Run along
and smouch the knives—three of them.” So I done it.
“It isn’t any use trying to teach you anything, Huck. Go
on and steal the knives—three of them.” So I did.
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AS soon as we reckoned everybody was asleep that night
we went down the lightning-rod, and shut ourselves up in
As soon as we figured that everyone was asleep that
night, we climbed down the lightning rod and closed
the lean-to, and got out our pile of fox-fire, and went to work.
We cleared everything out of the way, about four or five foot
ourselves up in the lean-to. We got out our pile of
foxfire and went to work. We cleared everything out of
along the middle of the bottom log. Tom said we was right
behind Jim’s bed now, and we’d dig in under it, and when
the way about four or five feet along the middle of the
bottom log of the wall. Tom said we were right behind
we got through there couldn’t nobody in the cabin ever know
there was any hole there, because Jim’s counter-pin hung
Jim’s bed, and we’d dig under it. He said that no one
in the cabin would ever know there was a hole in it
down most to the ground, and you’d have to raise it up and
look under to see the hole. So we dug and dug with the
when we were done because Jim’s sheets hung down
almost to the ground—you’d have to lift it up and look
case-knives till most midnight; and then we was dog-tired,
and our hands was blistered, and yet you couldn’t see we’d
under in order to see the hole. So we dug with the
pocketknives until it was almost midnight. We were
done anything hardly. At last I says:
dog-tired by then, and our hands were blistered, but
you couldn’t tell that we’d been working so hard.
Finally I said:
“This ain’t no thirty-seven year job; this is a thirty-eight year
“This isn’t a thirty-seven year job—it’s a thirty-eight
job, Tom Sawyer.”
year job, Tom Sawyer.”
He never said nothing. But he sighed, and pretty soon he
He didn’t say anything, but he signed. Pretty soon he
stopped digging, and then for a good little while I knowed
that he was thinking. Then he says:
stopped digging, and I knew what he was thinking for
a while. Then he said:
“It ain’t no use, Huck, it ain’t a-going to work. If we was
prisoners it would, because then we’d have as many years
“It isn’t any use, Huck. This isn’t going to work. It
would if we were prisoners, because then we’d have
as we wanted, and no hurry; and we wouldn’t get but a few
minutes to dig, every day, while they was changing watches,
as many years as we wanted and there wouldn’t be a
rush. And it’d be fine that we’d only get a few minutes
and so our hands wouldn’t get blistered, and we could keep
it up right along, year in and year out, and do it right, and the
a day to dig, while they were changing the watch,
which means our hands wouldn’t get blistered. We
way it ought to be done. But WE can’t fool along; we got to
rush; we ain’t got no time to spare. If we was to put in
could just keep doing that year in and year out. We
could do it properly, the way it ought to be done. But
another night this way we’d have to knock off for a week to
let our hands get well—couldn’t touch a case-knife with
we CAN’T do that here—we’ve got to hurry up. We
don’t have any spare time. If we have to spend
them sooner.”
another night digging, we’d have to wait a whole week
just to let our hands heal. We wouldn’t even be able to
TOUCH a knife before that.”
“Well, then, what we going to do, Tom?”
“Well then, what are we going to do, Tom?”
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“I’ll tell you. It ain’t right, and it ain’t moral, and I wouldn’t like
it to get out; but there ain’t only just the one way: we got to
“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. It isn’t right or
moral, and I don’t want anyone to know aobut it, but
dig him out with the picks, and LET ON it’s case-knives.”
there’s only one other option—we’ve got to dig him out
with the picks and just TELL EVERYONE that we
used pocket knives.”
“NOW you’re TALKING!” I says; “your head gets leveler and
“NOW you’re TALKING!” I said. “Your mind gets more
leveler all the time, Tom Sawyer,” I says. “Picks is the thing,
moral or no moral; and as for me, I don’t care shucks for the
and more practical all the time, Tom Sawyer,” I said.
“Using picks is the way to do it, moral or immoral. As
morality of it, nohow. When I start in to steal a nigger, or a
watermelon, or a Sunday-school book, I ain’t no ways
for me, I don’t give a darn for the morality of it anyway.
When I start to steal a n----- or a watermelon or a
particular how it’s done so it’s done. What I want is my
nigger; or what I want is my watermelon; or what I want is
Sunday school book, I’m not very particular in how it’s
done so long as it IS done. All I want is my n----- or my
my Sunday-school book; and if a pick’s the handiest thing,
that’s the thing I’m a-going to dig that nigger or that
watermelon or my Sunday school book. And if a pick’s
the handiest thing, that’s the thing I’m going to use to
watermelon or that Sunday-school book out with; and I don’t
give a dead rat what the authorities thinks about it nuther.”
dig that n----- out or get that watermelon or steal that
Sunday school book. And I don’t give a rat’s ass what
the authorities think about it!”
“Well,” he says, “there’s excuse for picks and letting-on in a
“Well,” he said. “We’ll have a good excuse for using
case like this; if it warn’t so, I wouldn’t approve of it, nor I
wouldn’t stand by and see the rules broke—because right is
picks and pretending they’re pocketknives. I wouldn’t
approve of this if we could do it any other way. And I
right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business
doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better. It
wouldn’t stand by and watch you break the rules,
because right is right and wrong is wrong. A person
might answer for YOU to dig Jim out with a pick, WITHOUT
any letting on, because you don’t know no better; but it
has no business doing something wrong when he
knows better. YOU might feel okay digging Jim out
wouldn’t for me, because I do know better. Gimme a caseknife.”
with a pick and NOT pretending it’s a pocketknife,
because you don’t know any better. But it wouldn’t do
for me. I do know better. Gimme a pocketknife.”
He had his own by him, but I handed him mine. He flung it
His own pocketknife was next to him, but I handed him
down, and says:
mine. He threw down, though, and said:
“Gimme a CASE-KNIFE.”
“Gimme a POCKETKNIFE.”
I didn’t know just what to do—but then I thought. I scratched
around amongst the old tools, and got a pickaxe and give it
I didn’t quite know what to do—but then it hit me. I
searched through the old tools, got a pickaxe, and
to him, and he took it and went to work, and never said a
word.
gave it to him. He took it and went to work without
saying a word.
He was always just that particular. Full of principle.
He was always that picky. So full of principles.
So then I got a shovel, and then we picked and shoveled,
I got a shovel, and we picked and shoveled, swinging
turn about, and made the fur fly. We stuck to it about a half
an hour, which was as long as we could stand up; but we
around and making dirt fly everywhere. We kept at it
for about half an hour, until we couldn’t stand up
had a good deal of a hole to show for it. When I got up stairs
I looked out at the window and see Tom doing his level best
straight. But we had a pretty good-sized hole to show
for all our work. When I got back upstairs, I looked out
with the lightning-rod, but he couldn’t come it, his hands was
so sore. At last he says:
the window and saw Tom trying his best to climb back
up the lightning rod. He couldn’t do it, though—his
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hands were too sore. Finally he said:
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“It ain’t no use, it can’t be done. What you reckon I better
“It isn’t any use. It can’t be done. What do you think I
do? Can’t you think of no way?”
should do? Can you think of any way up?”
“Yes,” I says, “but I reckon it ain’t regular. Come up the
“Yes,” I said. “But I suppose it’s a bit irregular. Just
stairs, and let on it’s a lightning-rod.”
come up the stairs and pretend it’s a lightning rod.”
So he done it.
So he did.
Next day Tom stole a pewter spoon and a brass candlestick
in the house, for to make some pens for Jim out of, and six
The next day Tom stole a pewter spoon and a brass
candlestick from the house to use to make some pens
tallow candles; and I hung around the nigger cabins and laid
for a chance, and stole three tin plates. Tom says it wasn’t
for Jim. He also took six tallow candles. I hung around
the n----- cabins and waited for my chance to steal
enough; but I said nobody wouldn’t ever see the plates that
Jim throwed out, because they’d fall in the dog-fennel and
three tin plates. Tom said it wasn’t enough, but I said
no one would see the tin plates that Jim threw out,
jimpson weeds under the window-hole—then we could tote
them back and he could use them over again. So Tom was
because they’d fall among the dog-fennel and jimpson
weeds that grew under the window-hole. I said we
satisfied. Then he says:
could just pick them up, carry them back, and use
them again. That satisfied Tom. Then he said:
“Now, the thing to study out is, how to get the things to Jim.”
“Now we’ve got to figure out how to get these things to
Jim.”
“Take them in through the hole,” I says, “when we get it
done.”
“Just put them through the hole,” I said, “after we
finish making it.”
He only just looked scornful, and said something about
nobody ever heard of such an idiotic idea, and then he went
He looked scornfully at me and said something about
never having heard of such an idiotic idea. Then he
to studying. By and by he said he had ciphered out two or
three ways, but there warn’t no need to decide on any of
started thinking to himself. Pretty soon he said he’d
figured out two or three ways, but that we didn’t need
them yet. Said we’d got to post Jim first.
to decide which one to use just yet. He said we had to
get word to Jim first.
That night we went down the lightning-rod a little after ten,
and took one of the candles along, and listened under the
That night we climbed down the lightning rod a little
after ten o’clock. We took one of the candles along
window-hole, and heard Jim snoring; so we pitched it in, and
it didn’t wake him. Then we whirled in with the pick and
and listendd under the window-hole to the sound of
Jim snoring. Then we threw the candle in, though it
shovel, and in about two hours and a half the job was done.
We crept in under Jim’s bed and into the cabin, and pawed
didn’t wake him up. We started digging again with the
pick and shovel, and finally finished after about two
around and found the candle and lit it, and stood over Jim
awhile, and found him looking hearty and healthy, and then
and a half hours. We crept through the hole and into
the cabin under Jim’s bed, and felt around for the
we woke him up gentle and gradual. He was so glad to see
us he most cried; and called us honey, and all the pet
candle. We lit it and stood over Jim for a while. He
looked pretty hearty and healthy. We woke him up
names he could think of; and was for having us hunt up a
cold-chisel to cut the chain off of his leg with right away, and
slowly and gently. He was so glad to see us that he
almost cried. He called us honey and all the other pet
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clearing out without losing any time. But Tom he showed
him how unregular it would be, and set down and told him all
names he could think of. He wanted us to find him a
metal chisel right away so that he could cut the chains
about our plans, and how we could alter them in a minute
any time there was an alarm; and not to be the least afraid,
off his leg and runaway without losing valuable time.
But Tom explained how irregular this would be. He sat
because we would see he got away, SURE. So Jim he said
it was all right, and we set there and talked over old times
down and told Jim all about our plans and how we
could alter them in a minute’s notice if we thought we
awhile, and then Tom asked a lot of questions, and when
Jim told him Uncle Silas come in every day or two to pray
were in trouble. He told Jim that he shouldn’t be
afraid, because we would make SURE he got away.
with him, and Aunt Sally come in to see if he was
comfortable and had plenty to eat, and both of them was
Jim said that was fine. We sat there and talked about
the old days until Tom started asking a lot of
kind as they could be, Tom says:
questions. Jim told him that Uncle Silas came in every
day or two to pray with him. Aunt Sally checked in to
see if he was comfortable and make sure he had
plenty to eat. Both of them were as kind as they could
be. Tom said:
“NOW I know how to fix it. We’ll send you some things by
“NOW I know how we can do it! We’ll send you some
them.”
things with them.”
I said, “Don’t do nothing of the kind; it’s one of the most
I said, “That’s one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever
jackass ideas I ever struck;” but he never paid no attention
to me; went right on. It was his way when he’d got his plans
heard—don’t do anything like that,” but he never paid
any attention to me. He kept going on like he always
set.
did when he made up his mind.
So he told Jim how we’d have to smuggle in the rope-ladder
He told Jim how we’d have to smuggle in the rope-
pie and other large things by Nat, the nigger that fed him,
and he must be on the lookout, and not be surprised, and
ladder pie and other large things by way of Nat, the n---- that fed him. Tom told Jim to always be on the
not let Nat see him open them; and we would put small
things in uncle’s coat-pockets and he must steal them out;
lookout and not let Nat catch him opening these
things. We told him about all the small things we’d
and we would tie things to aunt’s apron-strings or put them
in her apron-pocket, if we got a chance; and told him what
send to him and what they were for. We’d put some
items in Uncle Silas’s coat pockets so Jim needed to
they would be and what they was for. And told him how to
keep a journal on the shirt with his blood, and all that. He
pickpocket. We would tie some items to Aunt Sally’s
apron string or put them in her apron pocket if we got
told him everything. Jim he couldn’t see no sense in the
most of it, but he allowed we was white folks and knowed
the chance. Tom taught Jim how to keep a journal on
the shirt with his blood, and all that too. He told him
better than him; so he was satisfied, and said he would do it
all just as Tom said.
everything. Jim didn’t see the point in most of it, but he
figured we knew better than he did because we were
white. He was satisfied and said he’d do as Tom had
instructed.
Jim had plenty corn-cob pipes and tobacco; so we had a
right down good sociable time; then we crawled out through
Jim had plenty of corn cob pipes and tobacco, so we
had a good time chatting away. Then we crawled out
the hole, and so home to bed, with hands that looked like
they’d been chawed. Tom was in high spirits. He said it was
through the hole and back to bed. Our hands looked
like they’d been chewed up. Tom was in high spirits—
the best fun he ever had in his life, and the most
intellectural; and said if he only could see his way to it we
he said it was the most fun he’d ever had in his life,
and the most intellectual time too. He said he wished
would keep it up all the rest of our lives and leave Jim to our
children to get out; for he believed Jim would come to like it
we could keep doing this for the rest of our lives, and
then leave Jim to our children so they could have fun
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better and better the more he got used to it. He said that in
that way it could be strung out to as much as eighty year,
breaking him out too. He thought Jim would like it
more and more as he got used to it. He said we could
and would be the best time on record. And he said it would
make us all celebrated that had a hand in it.
keep this going for another eighty years and make it
the best break out on record. And he said that we’d be
celebrated for our role in it.
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In the morning we went out to the woodpile and chopped up
In the morning we went out to the woodpile and
the brass candlestick into handy sizes, and Tom put them
and the pewter spoon in his pocket. Then we went to the
chopped up the brass candlestick into smaller pieces.
Tom put them and the pewter spoon in his pocket.
nigger cabins, and while I got Nat’s notice off, Tom shoved a
piece of candlestick into the middle of a corn-pone that was
Then we went to the n----- cabins, and I distracted Nat
while Tom shoved a piece of candlestick into the
in Jim’s pan, and we went along with Nat to see how it
would work, and it just worked noble; when Jim bit into it it
middle of a piece of cornpone that was in Jim’s pan.
Then we went with Nat to see what would happen. It
most mashed all his teeth out; and there warn’t ever
anything could a worked better. Tom said so himself. Jim he
worked perfectly. When Jim bit into the cornpone the
brass nearly smashed all his teeth out—it couldn’t
never let on but what it was only just a piece of rock or
something like that that’s always getting into bread, you
have worked any better. Tom even said so himself.
Jim never let on that anything was wrong, but only
know; but after that he never bit into nothing but what he
jabbed his fork into it in three or four places first.
said it was a bit of rock or something similar that
always gets into bread. After that he never bit into
anything without first stabbing his fork into it in three or
four places.
And whilst we was a-standing there in the dimmish light,
here comes a couple of the hounds bulging in from under
While we were standing there in the dim light, a
couple of hounds came bounding in through the hole
Jim’s bed; and they kept on piling in till there was eleven of
them, and there warn’t hardly room in there to get your
we’d dug under Jim’s bed. The hounds kept piling in
until there were eleven of them inside with us. We had
breath. By jings, we forgot to fasten that lean-to door! The
nigger Nat he only just hollered “Witches” once, and keeled
hardly enough room to breath. By God, we’d forgotten
to fasten the door of the lean-to! The n----- Nat yelled,
over on to the floor amongst the dogs, and begun to groan
like he was dying. Tom jerked the door open and flung out a
“Witches!” once, then collapsed onto the floor in the
middle of the dogs and began to groan like he was
slab of Jim’s meat, and the dogs went for it, and in two
seconds he was out himself and back again and shut the
dying. Tom jerked the door open, tossed out a piece
of Jim’s meat, and the dogs went after it. In two
door, and I knowed he’d fixed the other door too. Then he
went to work on the nigger, coaxing him and petting him,
seconds he was outside himself and then back again,
slamming the door shut behind him. I knew he’d also
and asking him if he’d been imagining he saw something
again. He raised up, and blinked his eyes around, and says:
closed the other door too. Then we went to work on
Nat, coaxing him and petting him and asking him if
he’d been imagining things again. He sat up, blinked
and looked around, and said:
“Mars Sid, you’ll say I’s a fool, but if I didn’t b’lieve I see
most a million dogs, er devils, er some’n, I wisht I may die
“Master Sid, you’re going to say I’m a fool, but I
believe I saw about a million dogs or devils or
right heah in dese tracks. I did, mos’ sholy. Mars Sid, I FELT
um—I FELT um, sah; dey was all over me. Dad fetch it, I jis’
something. And if I didn’t, may I die right here in their
tracks! I’m sure I saw them. Master Sid, I FELT
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wisht I could git my han’s on one er dem witches jis’ wunst—
on’y jis’ wunst—it’s all I’d ast. But mos’ly I wisht dey’d
them—I FELT them. They were all over me. Darn it, I
just with I could get my hands on of those witches just
lemme ’lone, I does.”
once. Just once, that’s all I’m asking. But most of all, I
wish they’d just leave me alone.”
Tom says:
Tom said:
“Well, I tell you what I think. What makes them come here
“Well, I’ll tell you what I think. Why do you think the
just at this runaway nigger’s breakfast-time? It’s because
they’re hungry; that’s the reason. You make them a witch
witches show up only when it’s this runaway n-----’s
breakfast time? They come because they’re hungry.
pie; that’s the thing for YOU to do.”
That’s the reason. You need to make them a witch
pie, THAT’S what you should do.”
“But my lan’, Mars Sid, how’s I gwyne to make ’m a witch
pie? I doan’ know how to make it. I hain’t ever hearn er sich
“But my Lord, Master Sid! How am I going to make
them a witch pie? I don’t know how to make it. I’ve
a thing b’fo’.”
never even heard of one before.”
“Well, then, I’ll have to make it myself.”
“Well, then, I’ll have to make it myself.”
“Will you do it, honey?—will you? I’ll wusshup de groun’ und’
yo’ foot, I will!”
“Will you do it, honey? Will you? If you do, I’ll worship
the ground under your feet, I will!”
“All right, I’ll do it, seeing it’s you, and you’ve been good to
us and showed us the runaway nigger. But you got to be
“All right, I’ll do it, since you’ve been so good to us and
showed us this runaway n-----. But you have to be
mighty careful. When we come around, you turn your back;
and then whatever we’ve put in the pan, don’t you let on you
pretty careful. When we come around, you have to
turn your back. And no matter what we’ve put in the
see it at all. And don’t you look when Jim unloads the pan—
something might happen, I don’t know what. And above all,
pan, you have to pretend you don’t see it. And you
can’t look when Jim empties the pan—something
don’t you HANDLE the witch-things.”
might happen, but I don’t know exactly what. And
above all else, don’t TOUCH any of the witch’s things.”
“HANNEL ’m, Mars Sid? What IS you a-talkin’ ’bout? I
wouldn’ lay de weight er my finger on um, not f’r ten hund’d
“TOUCH them, Master Sid? What ARE you talking
about? I wouldn’t put the weight of one finger on them.
thous’n billion dollars, I wouldn’t.”
I wouldn’t do it even for ten hundred thousand billion
dollars.”
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THAT was all fixed. So then we went away and went to the
rubbage-pile in the back yard, where they keep the old
Everything was set. We left and went to the garbage
pile in the back yard, where they keep the old boots,
boots, and rags, and pieces of bottles, and wore-out tin
things, and all such truck, and scratched around and found
rags, pieces of bottles, worn out tins, and other junk.
We searched around and found an old tin washpan,
an old tin washpan, and stopped up the holes as well as we
could, to bake the pie in, and took it down cellar and stole it
and plugged up the holes as best we could so that we
could bake a pie in it. We took it down to the cellar
full of flour and started for breakfast, and found a couple of
shingle-nails that Tom said would be handy for a prisoner to
and filled it with stolen flour. Then we in for breakfast.
We found a couple of shingle nails that Tom said
scrabble his name and sorrows on the dungeon walls with,
and dropped one of them in Aunt Sally’s apron-pocket which
would be great for a prisoner to use to scribble his
name and troubles onto the walls. We’d heard the
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was hanging on a chair, and t’other we stuck in the band of
Uncle Silas’s hat, which was on the bureau, because we
children say that their pa and ma were going to the
runaway n-----’s house this morning, so we hid the
heard the children say their pa and ma was going to the
runaway nigger’s house this morning, and then went to
nails in some of Uncle Silas’s and Aunt Sally’s
clothing. Tom dropped one of them in the pocket of
breakfast, and Tom dropped the pewter spoon in Uncle
Silas’s coat-pocket, and Aunt Sally wasn’t come yet, so we
Aunt Sally’s apron, which was hanging on a chair. We
put another in the band of Uncle Silas’s hat, which
had to wait a little while.
was on the bureau. Tom also put the pewter spoon in
Uncle Silas’s coat pocket. Then we waited until Aunt
Sally returned.
And when she come she was hot and red and cross, and
When Aunt Sally returned she was pretty hot and
couldn’t hardly wait for the blessing; and then she went to
sluicing out coffee with one hand and cracking the handiest
irritable. She barely waited for us to pray before
eating. Then she started serving coffee with one hand
child’s head with her thimble with the other, and says:
and poking the head of the child closest to her with a
thimle in her other hand. She said:
“I’ve hunted high and I’ve hunted low, and it does beat all
what HAS become of your other shirt.”
“I’ve searched high and low, but I don’t know where
your other shirt is.”
My heart fell down amongst my lungs and livers and things,
and a hard piece of corn-crust started down my throat after it
My heart dropped down into my lungs and liver and
other organs and a hard piece of cornbread crust got
and got met on the road with a cough, and was shot across
the table, and took one of the children in the eye and curled
caught in my throat. I coughed, and shot it across the
table, hitting one of the children in the eye. The kid
him up like a fishing-worm, and let a cry out of him the size
of a warwhoop, and Tom he turned kinder blue around the
curled up like a worm on a fishhook and started
wailing. Tom turned blue in the face. There was
gills, and it all amounted to a considerable state of things for
about a quarter of a minute or as much as that, and I would
pandemonium for about fifteen seconds, and I
would’ve given anything to be anywhere else. But
a sold out for half price if there was a bidder. But after that
we was all right again—it was the sudden surprise of it that
after that things settled down again—it’d been the
sudden shock of hearing about the shirt that had
knocked us so kind of cold. Uncle Silas he says:
caught us off guard. Uncle Silas said:
“It’s most uncommon curious, I can’t understand it. I know
“It is pretty unusual—I can’t understand it. I clearly
perfectly well I took it OFF, because—”
remember taking it OFF because….”
“Because you hain’t got but one ON. Just LISTEN at the
“Because you don’t have it ON. Just listen to the man!
man! I know you took it off, and know it by a better way than
your wool-gethering memory, too, because it was on the
I know you took it off, and I know it better than your
slow memory. It was on the clothesline yesterday—I
clo’s-line yesterday—I see it there myself. But it’s gone,
that’s the long and the short of it, and you’ll just have to
saw it there myself. But the fact is that it’s gone. You’ll
just have to change into a red flannel shirt until I can
change to a red flann’l one till I can get time to make a new
one. And it ’ll be the third I’ve made in two years. It just
get time to make you a new one. And it’ll be the third
one I’ve made in two years. It takes all my energy to
keeps a body on the jump to keep you in shirts; and
whatever you do manage to DO with ’m all is more’n I can
make sure you have enough shirts. And I sure can’t
figure out what you manage to DO with them. You
make out. A body ’d think you WOULD learn to take some
sort of care of ’em at your time of life.”
think you’d would have LEARNED to take care of
them by this point in your life.”
“I know it, Sally, and I do try all I can. But it oughtn’t to be
altogether my fault, because, you know, I don’t see them nor
“I know, Sally, and I do the best I can. But it shouldn’t
be entirely my fault, you know. I don’t see them or
have nothing to do with them except when they’re on me;
have anything to do with them except when I’m
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and I don’t believe I’ve ever lost one of them OFF of me.”
wearing them. And I don’t think I’ve ever lost one while
I was WEARING it.”
“Well, it ain’t YOUR fault if you haven’t, Silas; you’d a done it
if you could, I reckon. And the shirt ain’t all that’s gone,
“Well, it isn’t YOUR fault, Silas—you wouldn’t have
lost it if it was impossible to, I guess. The shirt’s not
nuther. Ther’s a spoon gone; and THAT ain’t all. There was
ten, and now ther’s only nine. The calf got the shirt, I reckon,
the only thing missing, either. There’s a spoon gone
too—there were ten and now there are only nine. And
but the calf never took the spoon, THAT’S certain.”
THAT’s not all. The calf ate the shirt, I guess, but the
calf didn’t take the spoon, THAT’s certain.”
“Why, what else is gone, Sally?”
“What else is gone, Sally?”
“Ther’s six CANDLES gone—that’s what. The rats could a
“There are six candles missing, that’s what. The rats
got the candles, and I reckon they did; I wonder they don’t
walk off with the whole place, the way you’re always going
could have gotten the candles, I guess. It’s a wonder
they don’t eat the whole place. You always say you’re
to stop their holes and don’t do it; and if they warn’t fools
they’d sleep in your hair, Silas—YOU’D never find it out; but
going to plug up the rat holes, but you don’t. They
could be sleeping in your hair, and YOU’D never
you can’t lay the SPOON on the rats, and that I know.”
know. But I’m sure you can’t blame the disappearance
of the spoon on the rats.”
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“Well, Sally, I’m in fault, and I acknowledge it; I’ve been
remiss; but I won’t let to-morrow go by without stopping up
“Well, Sally, it’s my fault, and I admit it. I’ve been
slacking off, but I won’t let tomorrow go by without
them holes.”
plugging up those holes.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t hurry; next year ’ll do. Matilda Angelina
“Oh, no need to hurry. Next year will be just fine.
Araminta PHELPS!”
Matlida Angelina Araminta PHELPS!”
Whack comes the thimble, and the child snatches her claws
Sally hit the child with her thimble, and the kid pulled
out of the sugar-bowl without fooling around any. Just then
the nigger woman steps on to the passage, and says:
back her hands out of the sugar bowl right away. Just
then a n----- woman stepped into the doorway and
said:
“Missus, dey’s a sheet gone.”
“Mrs., there’s a sheet missing.”
“A SHEET gone! Well, for the land’s sake!”
“A SHEET missing! Well for heaven’s sake!”
“I’ll stop up them holes to-day,” says Uncle Silas, looking
“I’ll plug up those holes today,” said Silas, looking
sorrowful.
glum.
“Oh, DO shet up!—s’pose the rats took the SHEET?
“Oh, SHUT UP! Imagine that—the rats took a sheet!
WHERE’S it gone, Lize?”
Where did it go, Lize?”
“Clah to goodness I hain’t no notion, Miss’ Sally. She wuz on
“Goodness, I don’t know, Miss Sally. It was on the
de clo’sline yistiddy, but she done gone: she ain’ dah no mo’
now.”
clothesline yesterday, but it’s gone now. It isn’t there
anymore.”
“I reckon the world IS coming to an end. I NEVER see the
beat of it in all my born days. A shirt, and a sheet, and a
“I suppose the world IS coming to an end. I’ve never
seen anything like it in all my life. A shirt, a sheet, a
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spoon, and six can—”
spoon, six candles….”
“Missus,” comes a young yaller wench, “dey’s a brass
“Mrs.,” said a younger n-----, “there’s a brass
cannelstick miss’n.”
candlestick missing.”
“Cler out from here, you hussy, er I’ll take a skillet to ye!”
“Get out of here, little missy, or I’ll smack you with a
skillet!”
Well, she was just a-biling. I begun to lay for a chance; I
Aunt Sally was boiling mad. I began to look for an
reckoned I would sneak out and go for the woods till the
weather moderated. She kept a-raging right along, running
opportunity—I figured I could sneak off into the woods
until she cooled down a bit. She kept right on fuming
her insurrection all by herself, and everybody else mighty
meek and quiet; and at last Uncle Silas, looking kind of
and shouting while everyone just sat there meekly and
quietly. At last Uncle Silas, looking kind of foolish,
foolish, fishes up that spoon out of his pocket. She stopped,
with her mouth open and her hands up; and as for me, I
pulled a spoon out of his pocket. Aunt Sally stopped
with her mouth open and her hands up. As for me, I
wished I was in Jeruslem or somewheres. But not long,
because she says:
wished I were in Jerusalem or somewhere else far
away. But not for long because she said:
“It’s JUST as I expected. So you had it in your pocket all the
time; and like as not you’ve got the other things there, too.
“It’s JUST as I suspected—you’ve had it in your
pocket all this time! And you’ve got other things in
How’d it get there?”
there too, I bet. How did it get in there?”
“I reely don’t know, Sally,” he says, kind of apologizing, “or
“I really don’t know, Sally, or you know I’d tell you,” he
you know I would tell. I was a-studying over my text in Acts
Seventeen before breakfast, and I reckon I put it in there,
said apologetically. “I was studying Acts Chapter 17
before breakfast, and I guess I accidentally put it there
not noticing, meaning to put my Testament in, and it must be
so, because my Testament ain’t in; but I’ll go and see; and if
instead of my Testament. That’s got to be what
happened, because my Testament isn’t in my pocket.
the Testament is where I had it, I’ll know I didn’t put it in, and
that will show that I laid the Testament down and took up the
I’ll go and check. If the Testament is where I had it, I’ll
know I didn’t put it in my pocket, which means I
spoon, and—”
absentmindedly put the spoon in my pocket instead of
the book….”
“Oh, for the land’s sake! Give a body a rest! Go ’long now,
the whole kit and biling of ye; and don’t come nigh me again
“Oh for heaven’s sake! Give it a rest! Go along now,
all of you. Don’t come near me again until my peace of
till I’ve got back my peace of mind.”
mind has been restored.”
I’d a heard her if she’d a said it to herself, let alone speaking
I would have heard what she said even if she said it
it out; and I’d a got up and obeyed her if I’d a been dead. As
we was passing through the setting-room the old man he
only to herself. I got up and left as if I were dead. The
old man picked up his hat as we passed through the
took up his hat, and the shingle-nail fell out on the floor, and
he just merely picked it up and laid it on the mantel-shelf,
sitting room. A shingle-nail fell out of it and onto the
floor. He just picked it up, laid it on the mantle of the
and never said nothing, and went out. Tom see him do it,
and remembered about the spoon, and says:
fireplace, and went outside without saying a word.
Tom saw him do it, remembered the spoon, and said:
“Well, it ain’t no use to send things by HIM no more, he ain’t
reliable.” Then he says: “But he done us a good turn with the
“Well, it isn’t any use trying to use HIM to send
things—he isn’t reliable. Still, he did us a favor without
spoon, anyway, without knowing it, and so we’ll go and do
him one without HIM knowing it—stop up his rat-holes.”
realizing it by blaming himself for the disappareance of
the spoon. We should go and do HIM a favor without
him knowing it by plugging up those rat holes.”
There was a noble good lot of them down cellar, and it took
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us a whole hour, but we done the job tight and good and
shipshape. Then we heard steps on the stairs, and blowed
It took us a whole hour to fill them up. But we did the
job and we did it well. We heard steps on the stairs, so
out our light and hid; and here comes the old man, with a
candle in one hand and a bundle of stuff in t’other, looking
we blew out our light and hid. The old man came
down with a candle in one hand and a bundle of stuff
as absent-minded as year before last. He went a mooning
around, first to one rat-hole and then another, till he’d been
in the other. He looked absent-minded, like he in a
fog. He poked around, first to one rat hole and then to
to them all. Then he stood about five minutes, picking tallowdrip off of his candle and thinking. Then he turns off slow
another until he’d visited them all. Then he just stood
there for about five minutes, picking the tallow
and dreamy towards the stairs, saying:
drippings from his candle and thinking. Then he turned
slowly went toward the stairs, saying:
“Well, for the life of me I can’t remember when I done it. I
could show her now that I warn’t to blame on account of the
“I can’t for the life of me remember when I filled them
up. Well, now I can show her that none of this stuff
rats. But never mind—let it go. I reckon it wouldn’t do no
good.”
about the rats was my fault. Oh, never mind—I’ll just
let it go. It wouldn’t do any good anyway.”
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And so he went on a-mumbling up stairs, and then we left.
He was a mighty nice old man. And always is.
He mumbled as he went back upstairs, and then we
left too. He was a really nice old man. He always is.
Tom was a good deal bothered about what to do for a
spoon, but he said we’d got to have it; so he took a think.
Tom was really concerned about getting a new spoon,
but he said we needed to have one. He thought for a
When he had ciphered it out he told me how we was to do;
then we went and waited around the spoon-basket till we
while. When he finally figured it out, he told me the
plan. We went over to the basket where Aunt Sally
see Aunt Sally coming, and then Tom went to counting the
spoons and laying them out to one side, and I slid one of
kept he spoons, and waited until she came by. Then
Tom started counting the spoons and laying them off
them up my sleeve, and Tom says:
to one side of the basket. I slid one of them up my
sleave as Tom said:
“Why, Aunt Sally, there ain’t but nine spoons YET.”
“Why, Aunt Sally—there are STILL only nine spoons.”
She says:
She said:
“Go ’long to your play, and don’t bother me. I know better, I
counted ’m myself.”
“Go on and play. Don’t bother me. I know better,
because I counted them myself.”
“Well, I’ve counted them twice, Aunty, and I can’t make but
nine.”
“Well, I just counted them twice, Aunty, and I only
counted nine.”
She looked out of all patience, but of course she come to
count—anybody would.
She looked flustered and impatient, but of course she
came over to count them—anyone would.
“I declare to gracious ther’ AIN’T but nine!” she says. “Why,
what in the world—plague TAKE the things, I’ll count ’m
“I DECLARE! There ARE only nine!” she said. “What
in the world? Darn it, put them back, and I’ll count
again.”
them again.”
So I slipped back the one I had, and when she got done
I slipped the spoon back into the pile, and when she
counting, she says:
finished recounting them all, she said:
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“Hang the troublesome rubbage, ther’s TEN now!” and she
looked huffy and bothered both. But Tom says:
“What a bunch of garbage! Now there are TEN!” She
looked huffy and bothered, but Tom said:
“Why, Aunty, I don’t think there’s ten.”
“Why, Aunty, I don’t think there are ten.”
“You numskull, didn’t you see me COUNT ’m?”
“You numbskull—didn’t you see me COUNT them?”
“I know, but—”
“I know, but….”
“Well, I’ll count ’m AGAIN.”
“Well, I’ll count them AGAIN.”
So I smouched one, and they come out nine, same as the
other time. Well, she WAS in a tearing way—just a-trembling
I secretly lifted one again, so she only counted nine
this time, just as she had before. Now she WAS pretty
all over, she was so mad. But she counted and counted till
she got that addled she’d start to count in the basket for a
worked up, shaking all over with anger. But she
counted over and over until she got so frustrated that
spoon sometimes; and so, three times they come out right,
and three times they come out wrong. Then she grabbed up
she started miscounting. Three times she came out
with the right number and three times she counted it
the basket and slammed it across the house and knocked
the cat galley-west; and she said cle’r out and let her have
wrong. Then she picked up the basket and threw it
across the house, where it hit the cat, dazing it. She
some peace, and if we come bothering around her again
betwixt that and dinner she’d skin us. So we had the odd
told us to clear out and give her some peace, and that
if we bothered her again between now and dinner
spoon, and dropped it in her apron-pocket whilst she was agiving us our sailing orders, and Jim got it all right, along
she’d skin us alive. While she was shouting, we
dropped the spoon we’d lifted in her apron pocket. Jim
with her shingle nail, before noon. We was very well
satisfied with this business, and Tom allowed it was worth
was able to grab it and the shingle nail before noon.
We were quite pleased with ourselves for pulling this
twice the trouble it took, because he said NOW she couldn’t
ever count them spoons twice alike again to save her life;
off. Tom said it was worth twice the trouble it had
taken, because now she’d never be able to count
and wouldn’t believe she’d counted them right if she DID;
and said that after she’d about counted her head off for the
those spoons again to save her life. No matter how
many times she counted them, she’d never believe
next three days he judged she’d give it up and offer to kill
anybody that wanted her to ever count them any more.
that she’d done it correctly. He said he figured she’d
count them again and again for the next three days
before she finally ging up and saying she’d kill anyone
who ever asked her to count them again.
So we put the sheet back on the line that night, and stole
one out of her closet; and kept on putting it back and
We put the sheet back on the clothesline that night
and stole another one out of Aunt Sally’s closet. We
stealing it again for a couple of days till she didn’t know how
many sheets she had any more, and she didn’t CARE, and
kept putting it back and stealing it for a couple days
until she didn’t know how many sheets she had any
warn’t a-going to bullyrag the rest of her soul out about it,
and wouldn’t count them again not to save her life; she
more. Eventually, she no longer CARED how many
sheets she had. She didn’t want to think about it and
druther die first.
felt she’d rather die before counting them ever again.
So we was all right now, as to the shirt and the sheet and
With the help of the calf and the rats and the
the spoon and the candles, by the help of the calf and the
rats and the mixed-up counting; and as to the candlestick, it
confusing countings, we were in a good position as far
as the shirt, the sheet, the spoon, and the candles
warn’t no consequence, it would blow over by and by.
were concerned. As for the candlestick, it didn’t
matter—that would work itself out soon.
But that pie was a job; we had no end of trouble with that
pie. We fixed it up away down in the woods, and cooked it
But preparing that witch pie took considerable work.
There was no end to our troubles with that pie. We
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there; and we got it done at last, and very satisfactory, too;
but not all in one day; and we had to use up three wash-
prepared it and cooked it at a spot deep in the woods.
We finished it just the way we planned, though not all
pans full of flour before we got through, and we got burnt
pretty much all over, in places, and eyes put out with the
in one day. We had to use three pans full of flour by
the end of it, and we burned ourselves all over and got
smoke; because, you see, we didn’t want nothing but a
crust, and we couldn’t prop it up right, and she would always
smoke in our eyes. You see, all we wanted was a pie
crust, but we couldn’t keep an empty crust from
cave in. But of course we thought of the right way at last—
which was to cook the ladder, too, in the pie. So then we laid
collapsing and caving in at the middle. Of course, we
finally figured out how to do it—we just had to cook a
in with Jim the second night, and tore up the sheet all in little
strings and twisted them together, and long before daylight
ladder in the pie. We visited Jim again on the second
night, and tore the sheet into little strips. We twisted
we had a lovely rope that you could a hung a person with.
We let on it took nine months to make it.
the strips together and, well before daylight, we had a
lovely rope that you could hang a person with. We
pretended that had taken us nine months to make.
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And in the forenoon we took it down to the woods, but it
We took the rope down to the woods the next
wouldn’t go into the pie. Being made of a whole sheet, that
way, there was rope enough for forty pies if we’d a wanted
morning, but it wouldn’t fit in the pie. Because it was
made from an entire sheet, we had enough rope to fill
them, and plenty left over for soup, or sausage, or anything
you choose. We could a had a whole dinner.
forty pies if we’d needed, and we still would have had
enough left over for soup or sausage or whatever else
we chose. We could’ve made an entire fake dinner.
But we didn’t need it. All we needed was just enough for the
But we didn’t need it. We only needed enough rope for
pie, and so we throwed the rest away. We didn’t cook none
of the pies in the wash-pan—afraid the solder would melt;
one pie, so we threw the rest away. We didn’t cook
any of the pies in the wash pan because we were
but Uncle Silas he had a noble brass warming-pan which he
thought considerable of, because it belonged to one of his
afraid the metal would melt. But Uncle Silas had a
perfect brass warming pan with a long wooden handle
ancesters with a long wooden handle that come over from
England with William the Conqueror in the Mayflower or one
that he liked a lot—it had apparently belonged to one
of his ancestors who’d come over from England with
of them early ships and was hid away up garret with a lot of
other old pots and things that was valuable, not on account
William the Conquerer in the Mayflower or one of
those early ships. It was hidden up in the attic with a
of being any account, because they warn’t, but on account
of them being relicts, you know, and we snaked her out,
lot of other old pots and valuables, not because they
were important or anything—becasuse they weren’t—
private, and took her down there, but she failed on the first
pies, because we didn’t know how, but she come up smiling
but because they were relics. We snuck it out and
brought it to the woods. But it didn’t work at first
on the last one. We took and lined her with dough, and set
her in the coals, and loaded her up with rag rope, and put on
because we didn’t know what we were doing. We
made a great pie on our last try, though. We lined the
a dough roof, and shut down the lid, and put hot embers on
top, and stood off five foot, with the long handle, cool and
pan with dough, and set it in the coals. Then we filled
it with the rag rope and put dough on top. Then we put
comfortable, and in fifteen minutes she turned out a pie that
was a satisfaction to look at. But the person that et it would
the lid on and put some of the embers from the fire on
the top and stood back about five feet or so. We held
want to fetch a couple of kags of toothpicks along, for if that
rope ladder wouldn’t cramp him down to business I don’t
onto the long handle, which was still cool, and in
fifteen minutes we had a great-looking pie. Anyone
know nothing what I’m talking about, and lay him in enough
who ate it, though, would need to have a couple of
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stomach-ache to last him till next time, too.
barrels of toothpicks handy because if that rope ladder
inside wouldn’t be hard to swallow, then I don’t know
anything. It’d give whoever ate it a pretty bad
stomachache too.
Nat didn’t look when we put the witch pie in Jim’s pan; and
we put the three tin plates in the bottom of the pan under the
Nat didn’t look over when we put the witch pie in Jim’s
pan. We also put three tin plates in the bottom of the
vittles; and so Jim got everything all right, and as soon as he
was by himself he busted into the pie and hid the rope
pan under the food. Jim got everything, and as soon
as he was by himself he broke into the pie and hid the
ladder inside of his straw tick, and scratched some marks on
a tin plate and throwed it out of the window-hole.
rope ladder inside of his straw mattress. Then he
scratched some marks on one of the tin plates and
threw it out of the window-hole.
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MAKING them pens was a distressid tough job, and so was
Making those pens and making that saw were tough
the saw; and Jim allowed the inscription was going to be the
toughest of all. That’s the one which the prisoner has to
jobs. Jim felt that making the actual inscription—where
the prisoner scribbled onto the wall with the pen—was
scrabble on the wall. But he had to have it; Tom said he’d
GOT to; there warn’t no case of a state prisoner not
going to be the toughest job of all. But Tom said we
had to do it—we just HAD to. He said there wasn’t a
scrabbling his inscription to leave behind, and his coat of
arms.
single case of a state prisoner not leaving some
scribbled inscription along with his coat of arms.
“Look at Lady Jane Grey,” he says; “look at Gilford Dudley;
look at old Northumberland! Why, Huck, s’pose it IS
“Look at Lady Jane Grey,” he said. “Or look at Gilford
Dudley—old Northumberland! Why, Huck, so what if
considerble trouble?—what you going to do?—how you
going to get around it? Jim’s GOT to do his inscription and
this IS a lot of trouble? What can we do? How can we
avoid it? Jim’s GOT to scribble an inscription and his
coat of arms. They all do.”
coat of arms. They all do it.”
Jim says:
Jim said:
“Why, Mars Tom, I hain’t got no coat o’ arm; I hain’t got
nuffn but dish yer ole shirt, en you knows I got to keep de
“Bud, Master Tom, I don’t have a coat of arms. I don’t
have anything but this old shirt, and you know I’ve got
journal on dat.”
to keep the journal on that.”
“Oh, you don’t understand, Jim; a coat of arms is very
“Oh, you don’t understand, Jim. A coat of arms is
different.”
different.”
“Well,” I says, “Jim’s right, anyway, when he says he ain’t
“Well,” I said. “Jim’s right about one thing—he doesn’t
got no coat of arms, because he hain’t.”
have a coat of arms because he doesn’t have one.”
“I reckon I knowed that,” Tom says, “but you bet he’ll have
“I know, I know,” Tom said. “But you bet he’ll have one
one before he goes out of this—because he’s going out
RIGHT, and there ain’t going to be no flaws in his record.”
before he gets out of here. He’s going to break out
properly. There won’t be any flaws in this escape.”
So whilst me and Jim filed away at the pens on a brickbat
apiece, Jim a-making his’n out of the brass and I making
While Jim and I filed away at the metal to make the
pens—Jim made one pen out of brass and I made one
mine out of the spoon, Tom set to work to think out the coat
of arms. By and by he said he’d struck so many good ones
out of the spoon—Tom began thinking about what to
do about the coat of arms. Pretty soon he said he had
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he didn’t hardly know which to take, but there was one
which he reckoned he’d decide on. He says:
so many good ideas that he didn’t know which one to
use, but he figured there was one that was the best.
He said:
“On the scutcheon we’ll have a bend OR in the dexter base,
“We’ll put a bend in the scutcheon OR in a dexter
a saltire MURREY in the fess, with a dog, couchant, for
common charge, and under his foot a chain embattled, for
base. We’ll put the saltire MURREY in the fess with a
couchant dog, to signify commonness. We’ll put an
slavery, with a chevron VERT in a chief engrailed, and three
invected lines on a field AZURE, with the nombril points
embattled chain, to signify slavery, with a chevron
VERT in a chief engrailed. We’ll put three invected
rampant on a dancette indented; crest, a runaway nigger,
SABLE, with his bundle over his shoulder on a bar sinister;
lines on a field AZURE, with the nombril points
rampant on an indented dancette. We’ll put a runaway
and a couple of gules for supporters, which is you and me;
motto, MAGGIORE FRETTA, MINORE OTTO. Got it out of
n----- with a bundle over his shoulder on a sinister bar
on the SABLE crest and a couple of gules for
a book—means the more haste the less speed.”
supporters—the supporters will be you and me, Huck.
The motto will be MAGGIORE FRETTA MINORE
OTTO. I got that out of a book—it means The more
haste, the less speed.
“Geewhillikins,” I says, “but what does the rest of it mean?”
“That’s great,” I said. “But what does all the rest that
mean?”
“We ain’t got no time to bother over that,” he says; “we got
to dig in like all git-out.”
“We don’t have time to worry about all that,” he said.
“We’ve got to dig in like there’s no tomorrow.”
“Well, anyway,” I says, “what’s SOME of it? What’s a fess?”
“Well anyways,” I said, “Can you tell me what just
SOME of it means? What’s a fess?”
“A fess—a fess is—YOU don’t need to know what a fess is.
I’ll show him how to make it when he gets to it.”
“A fess? A fess is… well, YOU don’t need to know
what a fess is. I’ll show him how to make it when he
gets to that part.”
“Shucks, Tom,” I says, “I think you might tell a person.
“Shoot, Tom,” I said. “You could at least tell me.
What’s a bar sinister?”
What’s a bar sinister?”
“Oh, I don’t know. But he’s got to have it. All the nobility
“Oh, I don’t know. But he’s got to have it. All nobles
does.”
do.”
That was just his way. If it didn’t suit him to explain a thing to
That’s how he did things—if he didn’t want to explain
you, he wouldn’t do it. You might pump at him a week, it
wouldn’t make no difference.
something to you, he wouldn’t. You could keep asking
him for a week, but it wouldn’t make any difference.
He’d got all that coat of arms business fixed, so now he
started in to finish up the rest of that part of the work, which
After he got all that coat of arms stuff settled, he
started to work on the final piece of the plan: The
was to plan out a mournful inscription—said Jim got to have
one, like they all done. He made up a lot, and wrote them
gloomy inscription for Jim to write. He said Jim had to
have one, just like all the other prisoners had. He
out on a paper, and read them off, so:
made up several options, wrote them all on a piece of
paper, and then read them to us. He read:
1. Here a captive heart busted.
1. Here a captive heart busted.
2. Here a poor prisoner, forsook by the world and friends,
2. Here a poor prisoner, forsaken by the world and
fretted his sorrowful life.
friends, worried away his sad life.
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3. Here a lonely heart broke, and a worn spirit went to its
rest, after thirty-seven years of solitary captivity.
3. Here a lonely heart broke and a worn spirit died
after thirty-seven years of solitary captivity.
4. Here, homeless and friendless, after thirty-seven years of
bitter captivity, perished a noble stranger, natural son of
4. Here, homeless and friendless, after thirty-seven
years of bitter captivity, died a noble stranger, the
Louis XIV.
natural son of Louis XIV.
Tom’s voice trembled whilst he was reading them, and he
Tom’s voice trembled while he was reading, and he
most broke down. When he got done he couldn’t no way
make up his mind which one for Jim to scrabble on to the
almost broke down and cried. When he finished, he
couldn’t make up his mind as to which one Jim should
wall, they was all so good; but at last he allowed he would
let him scrabble them all on. Jim said it would take him a
scribble on the wall—they were all so good. At last, he
decided that Jim should scribble all of them on the
year to scrabble such a lot of truck on to the logs with a nail,
and he didn’t know how to make letters, besides; but Tom
wall. Jim said it would take him a year to write all that
stuff on the logs with a nail. Besides, he said, he didn’t
said he would block them out for him, and then he wouldn’t
have nothing to do but just follow the lines. Then pretty soon
know how to write the letters. Tom said he’d made
stensils for him so that all he’d have to do is follow the
he says:
lines. Pretty soon Tom said:
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“Come to think, the logs ain’t a-going to do; they don’t have
“Come to think of it, the logs aren’t going to do—they
log walls in a dungeon: we got to dig the inscriptions into a
rock. We’ll fetch a rock.”
don’t have log walls in dungeons. We’ve got to carve
the inscriptions into a rock. We’ll have to get a rock.”
Jim said the rock was worse than the logs; he said it would
take him such a pison long time to dig them into a rock he
Jim said that the rock would be worse than the logs.
He said it would take him such a long time to carve
wouldn’t ever get out. But Tom said he would let me help
him do it. Then he took a look to see how me and Jim was
the words into the rock that he’d never get out. But
Tom said he’d let me help him do it. Then he looked to
getting along with the pens. It was most pesky tedious hard
work and slow, and didn’t give my hands no show to get well
see how Jim and I were coming along with the pens. It
was hard work and very tedious, and it wasn’t helping
of the sores, and we didn’t seem to make no headway,
hardly; so Tom says:
my hands to heal. We didn’t seem to be making any
headway, so Tom said:
“I know how to fix it. We got to have a rock for the coat of
arms and mournful inscriptions, and we can kill two birds
“I know how to fix it. We’ve got to have a rock for the
coat of arms and somber inscriptions. We can kill two
with that same rock. There’s a gaudy big grindstone down at
the mill, and we’ll smouch it, and carve the things on it, and
birds with one stone by just using that same rock for
both. There’s a pretty big grindstone down at the
file out the pens and the saw on it, too.”
mill—we’ll steal it, carve the things on it, and file the
pens and the saw on it too.”
It warn’t no slouch of an idea; and it warn’t no slouch of a
grindstone nuther; but we allowed we’d tackle it. It warn’t
It wasn’t a bad idea. And though it was no little
lgrindstone, we figured we’d tackle it. It wasn’t quite
quite midnight yet, so we cleared out for the mill, leaving Jim
at work. We smouched the grindstone, and set out to roll her
midnight yet, so we left Jim to work and headed out
for the mill. We stole the grindstone and started to roll
home, but it was a most nation tough job. Sometimes, do
what we could, we couldn’t keep her from falling over, and
it back home, but it was the toughest job in the world.
Try as we might, we couldn’t keep it from falling over,
she come mighty near mashing us every time. Tom said she
and it nearly smashed us every time. Tom said it was
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was going to get one of us, sure, before we got through. We
got her half way; and then we was plumb played out, and
going to crush one of us for sure before we’d finished.
We got it halfway before we were exhausted and
most drownded with sweat. We see it warn’t no use; we got
to go and fetch Jim. So he raised up his bed and slid the
drenched in sweat. We saw it wasn’t going to be any
use—we had to go and get Jim. So he lifted up the
chain off of the bed-leg, and wrapt it round and round his
neck, and we crawled out through our hole and down there,
end of his bed and slid the chain off the bed leg. He
wrapped it round and round his neck, and we crawled
and Jim and me laid into that grindstone and walked her
along like nothing; and Tom superintended. He could out-
out through our hole and down to the place where
we’d left the stone. Jim and I pushed that grindstone
superintend any boy I ever see. He knowed how to do
everything.
with all our might and got it moving like it was nothing.
Tom supervised. He could supervise better than any
boy I’d ever seen. He knew how to do everything.
Our hole was pretty big, but it warn’t big enough to get the
The hole we’d dug was pretty big, but it wasn’t big
grindstone through; but Jim he took the pick and soon made
it big enough. Then Tom marked out them things on it with
enough to get the grindstone through. So Jim took the
pick and soon made it big enough. Then Tom drew
the nail, and set Jim to work on them, with the nail for a
chisel and an iron bolt from the rubbage in the lean-to for a
those things on the grindstone with the nail, and got
Jim started carving them in. He used the nail for a
hammer, and told him to work till the rest of his candle quit
on him, and then he could go to bed, and hide the
chisel and an old iron bolt from the garbage in the
lean-to as a hammer. Tom told Jim to work until the
grindstone under his straw tick and sleep on it. Then we
helped him fix his chain back on the bed-leg, and was ready
rest of the candle burned out. At that point it would be
time for bed, and Jim could hide the grindstone under
for bed ourselves. But Tom thought of something, and says:
his straw mattress to sleep on. We helped Jim put his
chain back on the bed leg, and we were ready for bed
ourselves. But Tom thought of something and said:
“You got any spiders in here, Jim?”
“Are there any spiders in here, Jim?”
“No, sah, thanks to goodness I hain’t, Mars Tom.”
“No, sir. Thank goodness there aren’t, Master Tom.”
“All right, we’ll get you some.”
“All right, we’ll get you some.”
“But bless you, honey, I doan’ WANT none. I’s afeard un
um. I jis’ ’s soon have rattlesnakes aroun’.”
“But bless you, honey, I don’t WANT any. I’m afraid of
them. I would just as soon have rattlesnakes around.”
Tom thought a minute or two, and says:
Tom thought for a minute or two, then said:
“It’s a good idea. And I reckon it’s been done. It MUST a
“That’s a good idea. And I bet it’s been done before. It
been done; it stands to reason. Yes, it’s a prime good idea.
Where could you keep it?”
MUST have been done—it makes sense that it would
have. Yes, it’s a really good idea. Where could you
keep it?”
“Keep what, Mars Tom?”
“Keep what, Master Tom?”
“Why, a rattlesnake.”
“A rattlesnake, of course.”
“De goodness gracious alive, Mars Tom! Why, if dey was a
“Goodness gracious, Master Tom! Why, if a
rattlesnake to come in heah I’d take en bust right out thoo
dat log wall, I would, wid my head.”
rattlesnake came in here, I’d bust right through that
log wall with my head!”
“Why, Jim, you wouldn’t be afraid of it after a little. You could
tame it.”
“But Jim, you wouldn’t be afraid of it after awhile. You
could tame it.”
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“TAME it!”
“TAME it!”
“Yes—easy enough. Every animal is grateful for kindness
“Yeah—it’s easy. Every animal is grateful for kindness
and petting, and they wouldn’t THINK of hurting a person
that pets them. Any book will tell you that. You try—that’s all
and petting. They wouldn’t THINK of hurting a person
that pets them. Any book will tell you that. Just try it,
I ask; just try for two or three days. Why, you can get him so
in a little while that he’ll love you; and sleep with you; and
that’s all I ask. Try it for two or three days. Why, you
can work him so that after awhile he’ll love you and
won’t stay away from you a minute; and will let you wrap him
round your neck and put his head in your mouth.”
sleep with you and won’t leave you for a minute. He’ll
let you wrap him around your neck and put his head in
your mouth.”
“PLEASE, Mars Tom—DOAN’ talk so! I can’t STAN’ it! He’d
“PLEASE, Master Tom—DON’T talk like that! I can’t
LET me shove his head in my mouf—fer a favor, hain’t it? I
lay he’d wait a pow’ful long time ’fo’ I AST him. En mo’ en
stand it! He’d LET me shove his head in my mouth—
as a favor, huh? I guess he’d wait a long while before I
dat, I doan’ WANT him to sleep wid me.”
ASKED him. And what’s more, I don’t WANT him to
sleep with me.”
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“Jim, don’t act so foolish. A prisoner’s GOT to have some
kind of a dumb pet, and if a rattlesnake hain’t ever been
“Jim, don’t be so foolish. A prisoner’s GOT to have
some kind of dumb pet. If a rattlesnake has never
tried, why, there’s more glory to be gained in your being the
first to ever try it than any other way you could ever think of
been tried, well, then there’s more glory to be gained
in being the first to ever try it than any other way you
to save your life.”
can think of.”
“Why, Mars Tom, I doan’ WANT no sich glory. Snake take ’n
“But Master Tom, I don’t WANT that kind of glory. A
bite Jim’s chin off, den WHAH is de glory? No, sah, I doan’
want no sich doin’s.”
snake would go and bite my chin off—where’s the
glory in THAT? No sir, I don’t want anything like it.”
“Blame it, can’t you TRY? I only WANT you to try—you
needn’t keep it up if it don’t work.”
“Darn it, can’t you TRY? I only want you to TRY—you
don’t have to keep doing it if it doesn’t work.”
“But de trouble all DONE ef de snake bite me while I’s a
tryin’ him. Mars Tom, I’s willin’ to tackle mos’ anything ’at
“But it’ll be all OVER if the snake bites me while I’m
trying to pet him. Master Tom, I’m willing to take on
ain’t onreasonable, but ef you en Huck fetches a rattlesnake
in heah for me to tame, I’s gwyne to LEAVE, dat’s SHORE.”
anything that’s reasonable, but if you and Huck bring a
rattlesnake in here for me to tame, then I’m going to
LEAVE. That’s for SURE.”
“Well, then, let it go, let it go, if you’re so bull-headed about
“Alright, alright. If you’re so stubborn about it, we’ll let
it. We can get you some garter-snakes, and you can tie
some buttons on their tails, and let on they’re rattlesnakes,
it go. We can get you some garden snakes, and you
can tie some buttons to their tails and pretend they’re
and I reckon that ’ll have to do.”
rattlesnakes. I suppose that’ll have to do.”
“I k’n stan’ DEM, Mars Tom, but blame’ ’f I couldn’ get along
“I CAN stand garden snakes, Master Tom, but darn
widout um, I tell you dat. I never knowed b’fo’ ’t was so
much bother and trouble to be a prisoner.”
it—I can get along just fine without them, I tell you. I
never realized that it was so much hassle to free a
prisoner.”
“Well, it ALWAYS is when it’s done right. You got any rats
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around here?”
properly. Are there any rats around here?”
“No, sah, I hain’t seed none.”
“No sir. I haven’t seen any,”
“Well, we’ll get you some rats.”
“Well, we’ll get you some rats.”
“Why, Mars Tom, I doan’ WANT no rats. Dey’s de
“Master Tom, I don’t WANT any rats. They are the
dadblamedest creturs to ’sturb a body, en rustle roun’ over
’im, en bite his feet, when he’s tryin’ to sleep, I ever see. No,
worst, most disturbing creatures that I’ve ever seen.
They’ll crawl all over a person and bite his feet when
sah, gimme g’yarter-snakes, ’f I’s got to have ’m, but doan’
gimme no rats; I hain’ got no use f’r um, skasely.”
he’s trying to sleep. No, sir. Give me garden snakes if
I’ve got to have them, but don’t give me any rats—I
don’t have any use for them.
“But, Jim, you GOT to have ’em—they all do. So don’t make
“But Jim, you’ve GOT to have them—all prisoners do.
no more fuss about it. Prisoners ain’t ever without rats.
There ain’t no instance of it. And they train them, and pet
Don’t make any more fuss about it. Prisoners are
always with rats. There isn’t one example of a prisoner
them, and learn them tricks, and they get to be as sociable
as flies. But you got to play music to them. You got anything
without them. And they train them and pet them and
teach them tricks, and those rats get to be as sociable
to play music on?”
as flies. But you have to play music to them. Have you
got anything to play music with?”
“I ain’ got nuffn but a coase comb en a piece o’ paper, en a
juice-harp; but I reck’n dey wouldn’ take no stock in a juice-
“I don’t have anything except a coarse comb, a piece
of paper, and a juice harp. But I reckon they wouldn’t
harp.”
like the music from a juice harp.”
“Yes they would. THEY don’t care what kind of music ’tis. A
“Yes they would. THEY don’t care what kind of music
jews-harp’s plenty good enough for a rat. All animals like
music—in a prison they dote on it. Specially, painful music;
it is. A Jew’s harp is certainly good enough for a rat.
All animals like music—in prison, they absolutely love
and you can’t get no other kind out of a jews-harp. It always
interests them; they come out to see what’s the matter with
it. They like painful, sad music in particular—and you
can’t make any other kind with a Jew’s harp. It always
you. Yes, you’re all right; you’re fixed very well. You want to
set on your bed nights before you go to sleep, and early in
interests them. They come out to see what’s wrong.
Yes, you’re all set. You should sit on your bed at night
the mornings, and play your jews-harp; play ’The Last Link
is Broken’—that’s the thing that ’ll scoop a rat quicker ’n
before you go to sleep and in the early morning before
you wake up and play your Jew’s harp. Play “The Last
anything else; and when you’ve played about two minutes
you’ll see all the rats, and the snakes, and spiders, and
Link is Broken”—that song will bring a rat quicker than
anything else. And when you’ve played for about two
things begin to feel worried about you, and come. And they’ll
just fairly swarm over you, and have a noble good time.”
minutes you’ll see that all the rats and snakes and
spiders and things will begin to worry about you and
will come to you. They’ll just swarm all over you, and
have a good old time.”
“Yes, DEY will, I reck’n, Mars Tom, but what kine er time is
JIM havin’? Blest if I kin see de pint. But I’ll do it ef I got to. I
“Yes, THEY will have a good time, Master Tom, but
what kind of time will I be having? I’ll be darned if I can
reck’n I better keep de animals satisfied, en not have no
trouble in de house.”
see the point of all this. But I’ll do it if I have to. I
suppose I’d better keep those animals satisfied so
there’s no trouble in the house.”
Tom waited to think it over, and see if there wasn’t nothing
Tom paused for a minute to see if there was anything
else; and pretty soon he says:
he’d forgotten. Pretty soon he said:
“Oh, there’s one thing I forgot. Could you raise a flower
“Oh, there’s one more thing that I forgot. Do you think
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here, do you reckon?”
you could grow a flower here?”
“I doan know but maybe I could, Mars Tom; but it’s tolable
“I don’t know, but maybe I could, Master Tom. It’s
dark in heah, en I ain’ got no use f’r no flower, nohow, en
she’d be a pow’ful sight o’ trouble.”
awfully dark in here, though, and I don’t have any use
for a flower anyway. It’d be a lot of trouble.”
“Well, you try it, anyway. Some other prisoners has done it.”
“Well, just try. Some other prisoners have done it.”
“One er dem big cat-tail-lookin’ mullen-stalks would grow in
“I guess one of those big mullein stalks that looks like
heah, Mars Tom, I reck’n, but she wouldn’t be wuth half de
trouble she’d coss.”
a cattail would grow in here, Master Tom, but it
wouldn’t be worth half the trouble it would cause.”
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“Don’t you believe it. We’ll fetch you a little one and you
plant it in the corner over there, and raise it. And don’t call it
“It sure would be. We’ll bring you a little one and you
can plant it in the corner over there and raise it. And
mullen, call it Pitchiola—that’s its right name when it’s in a
prison. And you want to water it with your tears.”
don’t call it mullein—it’s called Pitchiola. That’s the
right name for it when it’s in a prison. And you’ll want
to water it with your tears.”
“Why, I got plenty spring water, Mars Tom.”
“But I’ve got plenty of spring water, Master Tom.”
“You don’t WANT spring water; you want to water it with
your tears. It’s the way they always do.”
“You don’t WANT to water it with spring water—you
need to water it with your tears. That’s how they
always do it.”
“Why, Mars Tom, I lay I kin raise one er dem mullen-stalks
“But Master Tom, I reckon I can grow two of those
twyste wid spring water whiles another man’s a START’N
one wid tears.”
mullein stalks with spring water in the time it takes to
start growing one with tears.”
“That ain’t the idea. You GOT to do it with tears.”
“That isn’t the point, though. You’ve GOT to do it with
your tears.”
“She’ll die on my han’s, Mars Tom, she sholy will; kase I
doan’ skasely ever cry.”
“It’ll die if I do that, Master Tom, it surely will. I hardly
ever cry.”
So Tom was stumped. But he studied it over, and then said
Jim would have to worry along the best he could with an
That stumped Tom. He thought it over awhile, and
then said Jim would just have to try the best he could
onion. He promised he would go to the nigger cabins and
drop one, private, in Jim’s coffee-pot, in the morning. Jim
to work up some tears using an onion. He promised
he would go over the n----- cabins and put one,
said he would “jis’ ’s soon have tobacker in his coffee;” and
found so much fault with it, and with the work and bother of
secretly, into Jim’s coffee pot in the morning. Jim said
he would “prefer to have tobacco in his coffee.” Jim
raising the mullen, and jews-harping the rats, and petting
and flattering up the snakes and spiders and things, on top
didn’t like any of it and criticized it all—the work he’d
have to do raising the mullein, playing the Jew’s harp,
of all the other work he had to do on pens, and inscriptions,
and journals, and things, which made it more trouble and
the rats, petting and flattering the snakes and spiders
and stuff AND having to make the pens and write the
worry and responsibility to be a prisoner than anything he
ever undertook, that Tom most lost all patience with him;
inscriptions and journals and stuff. All of this stuff
made being a prisoner more trouble than anything
and said he was just loadened down with more gaudier
else he’d ever done. Tom lost all his patience with
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chances than a prisoner ever had in the world to make a
name for himself, and yet he didn’t know enough to
him, and said Jim had more opportunities to make a
name for himself than any other prisoner ever, and yet
appreciate them, and they was just about wasted on him. So
Jim he was sorry, and said he wouldn’t behave so no more,
he was too ignorant to appreciate it. He said these
opportunities were all wasted on him. So Jim said he
and then me and Tom shoved for bed.
was sorry and that he wouldn’t behave like that any
more. Then Tom and I headed off to bed.
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IN the morning we went up to the village and bought a wire
rat-trap and fetched it down, and unstopped the best rat-
In the morning we went up to the village and bought a
wire rat trap. We unplugged the best rat hole, and in
hole, and in about an hour we had fifteen of the bulliest kind
of ones; and then we took it and put it in a safe place under
about an hour we had fifteen great looking rats. Then
we put the trap in a safe place under Aunt Sally’s bed.
Aunt Sally’s bed. But while we was gone for spiders little
Thomas Franklin Benjamin Jefferson Elexander Phelps
But later on, while we were out looking for spiders,
little Thomas Franklin Benjamin Jefferson Elexander
found it there, and opened the door of it to see if the rats
would come out, and they did; and Aunt Sally she come in,
Phelps found the rat trap and opened the door to see
if the rats would come out. They did. Aunt Sally came
and when we got back she was a-standing on top of the bed
raising Cain, and the rats was doing what they could to keep
in, and when we got home she was standing on top of
the bed screaming her head off. The rats were doing
off the dull times for her. So she took and dusted us both
with the hickry, and we was as much as two hours catching
what they could to keep her from being bored. She
beat u