Bullying
What it is and what you can do to help prevent it!
Dr. David Losey, Ed.D., LMHC
Silver Creek Counseling
Consequences of Bullying
• Victim does not learn to his/her potential.
• Victim
– Depressed, Lonely, Anxious
– Low Self-Esteem, Fell Unwell,
– Think About Suicide
• Bully
– Sign of other serious anti-social behavior
– Drink, Smoke, Truant, Drop Out, Weapons
– Lack of Empathy, Have Friends, Self-Esteem
Definition
A. Indiana Code 20-33-8-0.2 defines bullying as:
1.
Overt – repeated acts or gestures, including:
» Verbal or written communications
transmitted;
» Physical acts committed; or
» Any other behaviors committed by a
student or group of students against
another student with the intent to
harass, ridicule, humiliate, intimidate
or harm the other student.
B. Bullying is aggressive behavior that is
intentional and involves an imbalance of
power or strength. Typically it is repeated
over time. It may take many forms, such as
hitting or punching (physical bullying);
teasing or name calling (verbal bullying);
intimidation using gestures or social
exclusion (non-verbal bullying or emotional
bullying); and sending insulting messages
by email or other electronic means (cyber
bullying).
It is abuse – not conflict.
• Behavior is our best attempt, at the
time, to satisfy one or more of the six
basic human needs.
– We are always motivated to behave in a need
fulfilling manner.
• Behavior is learned as we
attempt to fulfill our needs.
• Behavior is a choice.
Basic Human Needs
•
•
•
•
•
•
Survival: physical, food, water, shelter
Belonging: love, trust, acceptance, share
Power: achievement, competence, attention
Freedom: choices, independence, decisions
Fun: enjoyment, laughing, good times
Faith: belief is a higher power, God, spiritual
When we are able to satisfy one of these needs, it
feels very good.
Motivation is . . .
Motivation is the internal, genetic
desire to satisfy one or more of
the six basic human needs in a
quality manner.
External Control Psychology
Always Fails!
• I can make you do what I want you to do.
• I will punish you when you are wrong
– When you don’t do what I want you to do
• I will reward you when you are right
– When you do what I want you to do
• Behavior control is seen as outside
Stimulus-Response Theory Is Wrong
• The whole thrust of
SR theory is that we
do not control our
own behavior.
• SR theory contends
that our behavior is
a response to a
stimulus from
outside ourselves.
What We Teach Children:
To Be Proactive
• Between stimulus and
response…
Human beings
have the freedom
to choose.
• Proactivity is taking
the responsibility to
choose.
Children who bully . . .
• Are more likely to live in homes where
there is:
– A lack of warmth
– A lack of parental involvement
– A lack of supervision by parents
– Harsh physical discipline, which becomes a
model for bullying behavior
• Believe the victim deserves “what they got”
Behavior Improvement
What Can Parents Do?
SEVEN Powerful Actions
1. Model appropriate behavior
2. Teach better behaviors
3. Influence behavior choices
4. Encourage appropriate behavior
5. Celebrate appropriate behavior
NUMBER SIX
Set clear limits for behavior
• What do to when you see bullying
behavior
– Be the Adult: INTERVENE
• Close, eye contact, touch, “Stop, right now!”
– Stop the behavior; state, “you were …
(describe the behavior). This not an
acceptable choice.”
– Set a logical consequence (loss of fun or priviliges)
NUMBER SEVEN
You Can “Be Fair” and Teach
What Fair Means
• Fair is NOT treating everyone the same.
• Fair is providing each person what
he or she needs in order to have
the opportunity to succeed.
Quality World
• This small, very
specific, personal
world is the core of
our lives because in
it are the pictures of
the people, things,
activities, places,
and beliefs that we
have discovered are
most satisfying to
our needs.
Quality World Picture Album
Parents, keep yourself
in your child’s Quality
World!
Conclusion
•
•
•
•
Bullying is behavior.
Behavior is learned.
Behavior is a choice.
Parents: 7 Powerful Actions
– Model, Teach, Influence, Encourage
– Celebrate, Limit, Be Fair
• Love your child enough to be in charge
Silver Creek Counseling
Dr. David Losey, LMHC, NCC
502 299-9513
http://www.silvercreekcounseling.com