PARENTING AS GOD’S CHILDREN
Sarah Toering
Professor Yonker
October 31, 2013
PSYC 201-D
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Parenting as God’s Children
God commands us, His children, to “Be fruitful and multiply” in Genesis 1:28
(New Living Translation). This is not as simple as it seems and may result in some
challenges. Each child goes through various stages in development, but the quality
of a child’s environment growing up greatly affects how he or she “turns out.”
Helping a child to “turn out” well may be a daunting task and could negatively affect
the parents’ well-being. The various parent-child interactions at the Grand Rapids
Children’s Museum that I observed exemplified the developmental theories in class
and helped me to realize that even though parenting may be strenuous, it is of great
importance as consistent with Biblical teachings.
Piaget’s cognitive development theory specifies four “qualitatively different
stages of intellectual growth” that children undergo in their childhood (Belsky,
2010, p. 21). Jean Piaget was a Swiss developmental psychologist and philosopher
who was one of the first people to focus on studying children. This curiosity about
children was launched when he was working in Binet’s (who wrote the first
intelligence test) laboratory and characterizing children’s incorrect responses.
Piaget believed that there was continuity to cognitive development and this happens
through the assimilation and accommodation of what we already know. His stages
include the sensorimotor stage (1-2 years of age), preoperational stage (2-7 years),
concrete operational stage (8-12 years), and formal operational stage (12+ years).
Currently, there is criticism against this theory because many people think that
these stages occur earlier than the ages that Piaget stated. During my visit to the
Grand Rapids Children’s Museum during the school day, I clearly saw young
children demonstrating aspects of the sensorimotor and preoperational stages of
cognitive development.
In the sensorimotor stage of Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, “the
baby manipulates objects to pin down the basics of physical reality” (Belsky, 2010,
p. 96). The newborns start off with reflexes, like the rooting and sucking reflex.
From 1 to 4 months, the infant develops primary circular reactions, which are
repetitive actions that are centered on the child’s body. For example, an infant will
suck on his thumb for hours. From 4 months to 12 months, the infant will develop
secondary circular reactions. These are centered on exploring the outside world
and involve batting mobiles and grabbing a toy in each hand. From 12 to 24 months,
the child will demonstrate tertiary circular reactions, which include flexibly
exploring the properties of objects. The child becomes a “little scientist” and tries
new things. In this substage of the sensorimotor stage, the child may begin to makebelieve play, mimic others and use means-end behavior, which is when the child
performs a totally separate, or different, action to get to a goal (Belsky, 2010, 96).
When I observed in the Grand Rapids Children’s Museum, a little brown-haired girl,
approximately 18 months old, who just began walking recently, demonstrated the
means-end behavior of Piaget’s first cognitive stage. She was at the end of a ramp,
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which was made for matchbox cars, and she wanted to get to the other side of the
ramp. This child demonstrated her imaginative thinking and walked slowly up the
ramp to accomplish her goal of getting to the other end.
The second stage of Piaget’s theory of cognitive development is the
preoperational stage, which is characterized by children perceiving the world by its
immediate appearance. They have trouble with the concept of conservation, which
means that even if you change the shape of a substance, the amount still stays the
same. Children in this stage may also believe that inanimate objects are really alive.
Furthermore, this stage is characterized by the completion of object permanence,
which means that these children realize the existence of an object even after they
cannot see the object. In the Children’s Museum, a 2-year-old boy showed his
mastery of this skill and emergence into the preoperational stage. This boy was
with his father walking through a triangular prism structure that had a mirror
inside. Without his father’s prompting, the little boy said, “I see you! Hi, Dada.” He
wanted to verbally express the fact that his dad still existed and was there, even
though he was seeing him in a mirror. This accomplishment is a clear sign that this
boy successfully completed the sensorimotor stage and is in the preoperational
stage of cognitive development.
Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development, a continuity theory, contrasts with
Piaget’s discontinuity/stage theory. It is a continuity theory because development
does not occur in specific stages, but instead through gradual growth and assistance.
This zone of proximal development is “the gap between a child’s ability to solve a
problem totally on his own and his potential knowledge if taught by a more
accomplished person” (Belsky, 2010, p. 152). Scaffolding, which is teaching new
skills at different levels of support, is involved in this theory (Belsky, 2010, p. 152).
When I was observing at the Grand Rapids Children’s Museum near the vegetable
garden, a mother was explaining to her 2-year-old son what vegetables there were
as she was “planting them in the soil.” She was modeling how to “plant” and “pick”
the vegetables in the garden. Also, near the construction zone, a father was helping
his 3-year-old daughter by giving her step-by-step directions on how to punch the
time cards for the construction zone. She needed help doing it, and her father
provided the scaffolding she needed to complete the task.
Along with Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development, the information
processing theory views cognition as being continuous and not as qualitatively
distinct stages. However, with memory, information passes through different areas
based on whether or not it will be stored. Working memory contains all of the
material that we can keep in awareness at a single time. For adults, the typical bin
size of working memory is about seven chunks of information. Rehearsing
information, selectively attending to specific information and delaying gratification
are all executive functions that refer to skills related to frontal-lobe activity (Belsky,
2010, p. 155-6). Children begin the habit of rehearsing information partially
because their parents are always rehearing information with them. For example, I
observed a little 18-24 month old who was playing by the cars and responded with
“Go!” after his mother prompted him with “Ready…Set…” This “Go!” response
resulted from rehearsal with his mother. Also, the beginning signs of selective
attention show up at a very young age. At the craft table, a 2-year-old girl shifted
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her attention to a worker changing the light bulb. She paid attention to what he did
and was interested in what he was doing without shifting her gaze. These examples
give a glimpse into how little ones begin to process information.
A child’s development in these theories varies based on the parenting style
that a parent uses. Authoritative parenting is “the best possible child-rearing style”
in which parents provide lots of love for their children, but also have clear
expectations and consistent rules for them (Belsky, 2010, p. 203). I saw a clear
example of an authoritative mother in the Children’s Museum. Her and her 2 ½- to
3-year-old son were playing together in the play store area of the museum. Even
though they were having fun interacting and playing together, the mother made it
known that her son needed to clean up afterwards. She said, “Whatever you get out,
Ty, you have to put back,” and, “You want help, but you’re going to help too.” She
stated her expectations, but also interacted and was investing in his life.
Another type of parenting style is rejecting-neglecting parenting in which the
parents are low on structure and low on love (Belsky, 2010, p. 203). While
observing, I saw a parent who had these parenting tendencies. In this situation, the
3- or 4-year-old boy was playing with the bank by himself. He put the plastic
container through the shoot, went to the wooden car to get the money out of the
container, slid the container back, and then returned to the inside of the bank.
During most of this playtime, the father was just sitting in the play store area and
looking at his phone. He was not completely neglecting his child, but he could have
given him more of his time and energy. The different parenting styles vastly conflict
and may lead a child to mature in different ways.
The authoritarian or rejecting-neglecting parents may have developed their
tendencies from the stresses and negative emotions that tend to come with
parenting. In the article “The Joys of Parenthood, Reconsidered,” Robin W. Simon
(2012) revealed the results of a study he completed with Leda Nath, which found
that parents with minor children had significantly less frequent positive feelings but
significantly more frequent negative feelings than adults not living with young
children (p. 342). Moreover, the emotional rewards of having children are greatest
during the “empty-nest” stage of parenthood, when the children are not even living
with them (Simon, 2012, p. 342). Also, an article entitled “Sleep disruption and
decline in martial satisfaction across the transition to parenthood” mentions that
because most parents are sleep deprived after their child is born, there is an
increase in levels of anger and hostility after sleep deprivation (Medina, Lederhos, &
Lillis, 2009, p. 1). Researchers Yoo, Gujar, Hu, Jolesz, and Walker found an increase
in irritability, hostility and general negative mood following sleep disruption
because of an increase in amygdala activation. Another study found that among
people who typically preferred early rising, those who were sleep deprived found an
increase in self-reported levels of anger and hostility (Selvi, Gulec, Agargun, &
Besiroglu as cited in Medina et al., 2009, p. 4). These negative emotions are more
prevalent in parents versus those couples who do not have children.
Along with the negative emotions that result from sleep deprivation as a
parent, the financial cost and marital stress from raising a child may negatively
affect the parents’ well-being. First of all, the extraordinarily high financial cost of
raising a child can burden a family. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture,
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families spend anywhere from $137,370 to $269,520 raising a child from birth
through age 17 (Simon, 2012, p. 343-4). These figures do not include college and
may force both of the parents to work full-time. Also, parenting places new
demands on the parents. The parents’ marriage may suffer because of, for example,
the “renegotiation of household strategies, balancing of family and work, and
redefining boundaries with family and friends” (Anderson & Sabatelli as cited in
Medina et al., 2009, p. 5). Beyond those stated, there are many more stressors that
may cause difficulties in the couple’s marriage.
Even though current research suggests that parenting is more detrimental
than beneficial to the well-being of parents, the Bible reveals the importance of
children and raising your children in a Godly way. Psalm 127:3-5 (English Standard
Version) says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a
reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” Children are so important in this
passage and are viewed as a reward. Countless times throughout history, children
were not to be seen nor heard, but children in this passage are seen as a reward.
Not only is it important to have children, but to parent them in the faith.
Ephesians 6:4 (New International Version), which states, “Fathers, do not
exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of
the Lord,” clearly emphasizes this. Proverbs 22:6 (New King James Version) also
says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not
depart from it.” Even though it may be tough, Paul and Solomon stressed the
importance of raising your children in an appropriate way. An appropriate way
includes teaching them to respect others, be honest, obey the commandments and
do everything to the glory of God. As clearly shown, God emphasizes the importance
of children and their parents throughout the scriptures.
Although the different stages of development are important for a child to go
through, if our child does not complete the stages on time, we do not have to blame
it all on ourselves. Nevertheless, we should strive to be authoritative parents who
are loving but also have clear expectations for our children. Galatians 3:26 (New
International Version) says, “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through
faith.” It is important to remember that we, also, are His children and can run to
Him whenever we are experiencing trouble in the parenting realm. He is our Father,
and He wants us to rely on Him for guidance, even in parenting.
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References
Janet, B. (2010). Experiencing the Lifespan (2nd ed., pp. 21-203). New York, NY:
Worth Publishers.
Medina, A. M., Lederhos, C. L., & Lillis, T. A. (2009). Sleep disruption and decline in
marital satisfaction across the transition to parenthood. Families, Systems, &
Health, 27(2), 153-160. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0015762
Simon, R. W. (2012). The Joys of Parenthood, Reconsidered (Vol. 7, ). In A. Guest
(Ed.), Taking Sides: Clashing Views in Life-Span Development (4th ed., pp. 342344). N.p.: McGraw-Hill Higher Education.