FADAA and FCCMH
Presents
Relationship Detox: Helping Chemically
Dependent Clients Develop Healthy
Relationships In Recovery
Presenter
Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC
www.onthemarkconsulting25.com
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www.onthemarkconsulting25.com
In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost
by
Gabor Mate, M.D.
•
Drugs don’t cause addiction any more than a
deck of cards causes compulsive gambling
•
There needs to be a pre-existing vulnerability
•
For some people, the seeds of addiction is
planted years before they use
In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost
by
Gabor Mate, M.D.
•
Drugs don’t cause addiction any more than a
deck of cards causes compulsive gambling
•
There needs to be a pre-existing vulnerability
•
For some people, the seeds of addiction is
planted years before they use
Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson
Iceberg Model
Addiction
Co-dependence
Toxic Shame
Abandonment/Trauma
John Freil
Guilt vs. Shame
Guilt
Shame
Behavior
Your being
“I’ve done wrong”
“There is
something wrong
with me”
“I’ve done bad”
“I made a mistake”
“
“I am bad”
“I am a mistake”
Shame
The belief that I am unlovable and unworthly
of belonging.
Brene Brown, Ph. D.
Iceberg Model
Addiction
Co-dependence
Toxic Shame
Abandonment/Trauma
John Freil
Co-dependence
An over involvement with things outside of us
and an underinvolvement with things inside
of us. Left untreated codependence can lead
to addiction.
John Friel
Marilyn Monroe
Billie Holiday
Iceberg Model
Addiction
Co-dependence
Toxic Shame
Abandonment/Trauma
John Freil
Texas Behavioral Health Institute
Presents
Relationship Detox: Helping Chemically
Dependent Clients Develop Healthy
Relationships In Recovery
Presenter
Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC
Addictive Relationship Styles
•
Lots of drama
•
Smothering
1 ∕2+1 ∕2=2 ∕4=1 ∕2
Addictive Relationship Styles Continued
•
Extreme jealousy
•
Lots of arguments followed by sex
•
Lots of break-ups followed by sex
•
Abuse
•
You abandon relatives and friends
whenever you are in a relationship
Addictive Relationship Styles Continued
•
You experience withdrawal symptoms
when alone
•
You tend to leave one addictive
relationship and enter another
•
You tend to stay in these relationships
despite adverse consequences
Characteristics of Healthy Relationships
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Both partners are whole
Each is growing and encouraging the other to
grow
Each has a separate life outside of the
relationship
Each is able to spend time alone
Minimal jealousy
No abuse
Ability to argue in the present
Adult Children of Alcoholics
•
We tend to fear people in authority
•
We tend to lie when it’s easier to tell the
truth
•
We are approval seekers
•
We have a tendency toward perfection
Adult Children of Alcoholics Continued
•
We are extremely loyal, even when there is
evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
•
We either marry alcoholics, become one, or
choose some other compulsive personality
•
We tend to put the needs of others ahead of
our own needs
•
We are addicted to excitement
•
We tend to fear abandonment
The Therapeutic Relationship As A
Model For Helping Clients Develop
Healthy Relationships In Recovery
The Engagement Phase
•
Punctuality
•
Joining—small talk
•
Making sure the client has a voice
•
The use of humor
Counseling Phase
•
Experiencing a new way of relating
o Listening
o Inviting solutions from the client
•
Modeling healthy boundaries
Types of Boundaries
•
Loose – no one is aware of what’s going on
with anyone else in the family
•
Enmeshed – family members are too
involved in each other’s lives
•
Healthy, clear – the necessary distinction
between the various subsystems are
present; members are allowed the 5
freedoms
The goal is to help clients
differentiate
Emotional cutoff – Creating distance in
relationships by fleeing
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
G.
H.
Homelessness
Psychosis
Prison
Drug use
Joining the military
Joining a gang, cult or addictive relationship
Suicide
Helping clients recover from
negative core beliefs
Negative Core Beliefs – Stage Two
Recovery
•
“I will never get my needs met if I have to
depend upon other people.”
•
“What other people think of me is more
important that what I feel.”
•
“God is going to get me.”
•
“I have to be perfect.”
Negative Core Beliefs Continued
•
“I am ugly.”
•
“There’s only one right way to do things –my
way.”
•
“You should never do anything for yourself; if
you do, you’re selfish.”
•
“I am unworthy of love.”
(Some clients in Stage Two Recovery report that they
are able to find their “soul”)
Termination Phase
A. Denial
•
Bring up termination
•
Expect and explain regression
•
If the client disappears, reach out
B. Anger
•
Allow open expression of anger
•
Try not to personalize the client’s anger
C. Sadness
•
Allow open expression of sadness
•
Express feelings of your own
D. Release
•
Discuss client accomplishments
•
Discuss work that is yet to be done
•
Discuss your relationship
•
Express confidence in the client