STRESS
Happens
To Everyone
Lee Hotchkiss
BARNABAS INTERNATIONAL
www.barnabas.org
STRESS
HAPPENS
When events are
Beyond our Control
A Stressful Event
Can be Anything
That is Beyond
Our Control
Other Peoples’
work
Behavior
Health Issues
Common Events
Little
Frustrations
misunderstandings
The Computer
money
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
2
Negative
Feelings
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
2
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
2
Relationships
Deteriorate
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Try
Harder
Relationships
Deteriorate
5
2
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Biblical Tools for
Stress Management
Keeping God at
the Center of Life
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Try
Harder
Relationships
Deteriorate
5
2
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Pray:
Acknowledge and Submit to
God’s Sovereign Control
Over All Events
Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6, Luke 22:42
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Try
Harder
Relationships
Deteriorate
5
2
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
1. Do What is Right
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
1. Do What is Right
Are there behaviors that
need to change?
Genesis 4:6-7
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
2. Be honest with feelings
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
2. Be honest with feelings
Are there feelings that need to
be shared?
Psalm 62:8, 142:1-4, 55:22
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
Are there thoughts that
need to be challenged?
Philippians 4:8
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
1. Do what is right
2. Be honest with feelings
3. Tell yourself the truth
Three Strategies for
Managing Feelings
1. THINKING - HEAD
2. FEELING - HEART
3. DOING - HANDS
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Try
Harder
Relationships
Deteriorate
5
2
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Strategies for Managing
Self-Concept
Physical Appearance
Possessions
Performance
Professions
Position
Power
Grace
Law
“Therefore no one will be
declared righteous in his sight
by observing the law; rather,
through the law we become
conscious of sin.”
Romans 3:20
Law
Sin
Grace
Law
Sin
Grace
Values Expectations
Event
Perceptions/Thoughts
Lose Control
1
Try
Harder
Relationships
Deteriorate
5
2
4
3
Negative
Feelings
Self Esteem
Drops
Building Godly
Relationships Through:
1. COMMITMENT
2. COMMUNICATION
3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Building Godly
Relationships Through:
1. COMMITMENT to
WORKING TOGETHER
COOPERATION
• RETALIATION
• DOMINATION
• ISOLATION
Building Godly
Relationships Through:
2. COMMUNICATION
at HEAD and HEART levels
COMMUNICATION
• BONDING at the HEART Level
Share
Care
Connecting Emotionally
COMMUNICATION
• CONNECTING at the HEAD Level
Sharing Ideas &
Sharpening Thoughts
Proverbs 27:17
Thinking Level
Reality Testing
Sharing
of
Ideas
Person 1
Person 2
Hearing
&
Responding
Feeling Level
Sharing & Caring
Sharing
of
Feelings
Person 1
Person 2
Caring
for
Feelings
Thinking
Head Level
Person 2
Person 1
Feeling
Heart Level
ESTABLISHING
BOUNDARIES
Isolation
Enmeshment
Distance
Silence
Coldness
Uncooperative
Dependency
Co-dependency
Control
Manipulation
ESTABLISHING
BOUNDARIES
Isolation
(
)Enmeshment
Interdependency
Building Godly
Relationships Through:
3. CONFLICT
RESOLUTION
Strategies for
Conflict Resolution
Distinguish between
THINKING and FEELING
levels of communication
Thinking Level Strategies
1. Clarify. Don’t assume you know what the
other person is thinking. Listen to what
they are saying. Keep communication
open. Ask questions. Draw out his
or her thoughts.
Thinking Level Strategies
2. Don’t attribute motives to the
other person.
Thinking Level Strategies
3. Negotiate. Compromise. Collaborate.
Accommodate.
Thinking Level Strategies
4. Agree to disagree.
Reaffirm your commitment to the person and
your relationship with them.
Say, “I respect you, and I want to retain a
good relationship with you, I don’t want
this to come between us. I respect your
opinion. Let’s agree to disagree.”
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
Held Hurts Become Barriers
WE HIDE & WE HURL
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
1. Identify the hurts in both persons.
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
2. Express concern for the other person’s
hurt. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, I want
you to know that I care about your
feelings.”
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
3. Take responsibility for your part in
causing the other person’s hurt by asking
forgiveness. “Will you forgive me for…”
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
4. Forgive the other person for what you
have been holding. “I forgive you for…
I don’t want this to be a barrier in our
relationship any longer.”
Feeling Level Strategies
For Unresolved Conflict
5. Manage your leftover feelings to the
glory of God.
a. Do what is right. Act out love.
b. Share feelings with God.
c. Tell yourself the truth.
Strategies for
Stress Management
1. Monitor Your Stress Reactions
2. Identify Stressful Events
3. Apply Biblical Principles
4. Control What You Can
5. Keep a Realistic Schedule
6. Have an Exercise Program
7. Strong Devotional Life
8. Functioning Support Network
9. Healthy Conflict Management
10. Balance and Boundaries