Marriages and Families:
Changes, Choices, and Constraints
Seventh Edition
Nijole V. Benokraitis
Chapter Nine
Singlehood, Cohabitation, Civil Unions,
and Other Options
The Single Option
More and more people today are
choosing never to get married, to raise
children on their own, and to stay
alone.
Some social scientists are seeing this
as a marriage problem.
Many Singles Are
Postponing Marriage
Most young people are pursuing a college
education these days, preparing for a job or
career.
In 1960 the median age for marriage was 20
for the woman and almost 23 for the men.
People feel that being single is an attractive
option.
Many Singles Are
Postponing Marriage
Many young people are pursuing a college
education and a career before marrying.
Many of us are marrying later than our
parents or grandparents did.
Being single had become more acceptable.
Many young people feel that if you are not
married by 30, something is wrong with
you—it used to be 20.
The Diversity of Singles
There are several kind of singles:
– those who are delaying marriage.
– those who will never marry.
– the currently unmarried who are divorced
or widowed.
– the gay or lesbian couples who are
legally barred from being married in 44
states.
Single Adults in Later Life
Aging and the double standard: In mate
selection, aging women are typically
seen as “over the hill,” whereas aging
men are often described as “mature”
or “distinguished.” Older women are
also more likely to remain single in
later life than older men are.
Home Alone
Most (90%) of Americans do marry at some
point in their lives, so marriage is still
considered the norm.
Who is living alone?
– More women (17%) than men (12%) live alone.
– Of all groups, older Americans are the most
likely to live alone.
– On average, women live six years longer than
men and they are less likely than men to get
remarried.
Race and Ethnicity
Of all the people who live alone, more
than 80% are white. Members of
racial and ethnic minorities are more
likely to live in an extended family
situation because of values that
emphasize caring for family members.
Why Do People Live Alone?
Many who choose to live alone do so
because they can afford it.
Single women buy twice as many homes as
single men.
Our values emphasize individualism.
Americans are living longer and healthier
lives, making it possible for them to live
independently after retirement.
Americans have more options. They may
choose never to marry.
Why More People Are Single
Macro-Level Factors
– Things over which we have little or no
control affect our decisions about
marriage:
• war
• technology
• social movements
• the economy
• gender roles
Macro-Level Factors
Marriage rates drop during war.
Technological advances in contraceptive
techniques, especially the birth control pill,
have decreased marriage rates. Women
have greater control over childbearing.
Several social movements have also resulted
in delayed marriage or shaped our
definitions of acceptable marriage. The
women’s movement, the gay rights
movement, and most recently a grassroots
movement promoting singlehood.
Economic Factors
Economic depressions or recessions
can delay marriage. Economics can
also reduce the marriage market for
singles. When income plummets and
people are insecure about wages,
they may stay together unhappily, thus
decreasing the availability of singles.
Gender Roles
Technological and economic transitions
affect gender roles. As economic
factors change, so do attitudes about
marriage and self-efficacy.
Women aren’t rushing into marriage.
Demographic Variables
The sex ratio—the proportion of men to
women in a country or a group. A ratio of
100 means there are equal numbers of men
and women; a ratio of 110 means there are
110 men for every 100 women.
Worldwide, about 107 boys are born for every
100 girls (a sex ratio of 107). In the U.S.,
the sex ratio is 105 at birth. In the 65 and
over age group, the ratio is 75 because
women tend to live longer than men.
Demographic Variables
The marriage squeeze—a sex imbalance
in the ratio of available unmarried women
and men. Because of this imbalance,
members of one sex can be squeezed out
of the marriage market because of
differences in wealth, power, status,
education, age, or other factors that
diminish the pool of eligible partners.
Demographic Variables
Social class—most low-income couples
expect to marry, especially after the birth of
an unplanned child, but they often retreat
from marriage. They believe they should
achieve a certain level of financial stability.
The likelihood of marriage increases with
educational attainment.
Demographic Variables
Non-marital child bearing—never-married
mothers tend to remain single because
they can’t find good husbands.
Prospective partners may be unwilling to
raise nonbiological children. Also, women
who are poor are often unwilling men who
have little education and few financial
resources.
Individual Reasons
Waiting for a “soul mate”
Being independent
Enjoying close relationships with peers
Not wanting to make a commitment
Having children
Fearing divorce
Being healthy and physically attractive
Individual Reasons
Waiting for a “soul mate—many singles are
waiting longer to get married to find their
one “true love.”
Being independent—one of the biggest
benefits of singlehood is independence and
autonomy.
Enjoying close relationships—A common
reason for getting married is
companionship. Singles who delay
marriage rely on peers rather than a spouse
for support and companionship.
Individual Reasons
Making a commitment—there are more
never-married men than women in all but
the oldest age groups. Many single men do
not want to get married.
Having children—couples often marry
because they plan to have a family. Nearly
70% of Americans disagree with the
statement that getting married is the sole
reason to have children. Some women first
choose to have children and then get
married.
Individual Reasons
Fearing divorce—divorce or prolonged
years of conflict between parents can have
a negative effect on young adults’
perception of marriage.
Being young and attractive—emotional and
physical health and physical appeal also
affect singlehood. In the marriage market,
most men are initially drawn only to goodlooking women.
Racial and Ethnic Singles
Among some ethnic groups, the
unmarried population has risen during
the past few generations.
Many structural factors as well as
attitudes and values explain these
changes.
African Americans
Compared to other groups, African
Americans are the most likely to be
unmarried.
Structural factor—the shortage of
marriageable African American men.
Values and attitudes—homogamy
generally limits the pool of eligible
mates across social classes.
Latinos
Latinas are generally less likely than African
American women to experience a shortage
of marriageable partners.
Structural factors—the Latino population is
young and a higher percentage has not
reached marriageable age. Recent
immigrants are postponing marriage until
they can support a family. It is difficult for
undocumented or migrant workers to marry.
Low wages and high unemployment can
delay marriage or increase the number of
singles because of divorce.
Latinos
Values and attitudes—single mothers may
remain unmarried because of close family
ties—family members help raise and
support out-of-wedlock children.
Asian Americans
Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders
have some of the lowest singlehood
rates.
Structural factors—intermarriage
decreases singlehood rates,
especially among Asian American
women.
Values and attitudes—they see the
family as the core of society.
Myths About Being Single
Singles are selfish and self-centered.
Singles are well-off financially.
Singles are usually lonely and miserable and want to
marry.
Singles are promiscuous or don’t get any sex.
Singles’ children are doomed to a life of poverty as
well as emotional and behavioral problems.
Singles worry about growing old and dying alone.
There’s something wrong with people who don’t want
to marry.
Cohabitation
Cohabitation is a living arrangement in which
two unrelated people are not married but
live together and are in a sexual
relationship.
The number of heterosexual unmarried
couples has increased more than twelve
times since the 1960s.
Acceptance of cohabitation has increased.
Types of Cohabitation
Dating cohabitation—a prelude to getting
married.
Premarital cohabitation—again a prelude to
marriage but couples are usually engaged.
Trial marriage—the partners in this
relationship want to see what marriage
might be like.
Substitute marriage—a long-term
commitment between two people who don’t
plan to marry.
Who Cohabits?
Age—many people think young college-age
people cohabitate the most, but in fact only
20% of all cohabiters are age 24 or
younger. A majority (56%) are between 25
and 44.
Gender—by age 30,half of all U.S. women
have cohabitated.
Race and ethnicity—the highest rates of
cohabitation occurs among American
Indians/Native Alaskans and African
Americans Groups (about 17% for each
group).
Who Cohabits?
Social class—more common among people
of lower educational levels and lower
income levels.
Religion—teens who grow up attending
church tend not to believe cohabitation is
acceptable, however, those teens who grow
up not attending church do not have a
problem with cohabitation.
Costs and Benefits
of Cohabitation
Benefits
– Emotional security but can also
maintain some independence.
– Partners can dissolve the relationship
without legal paperwork.
– Couples who postpone marriage have
a lower rate of divorce.
Costs and Benefits
of Cohabitation
Benefits (cont.)
–It can help people find out how much
they really care about each other.
–Among the elderly it can increase family
care.
–Don’t have to deal with in-laws.
–Children can be helped financially if
both parties are working.
Costs and Benefits
of Cohabitation
Costs
– Experience a loss of identity or feeling of
being trapped.
– Women in cohabitating relationships do
more of the housework, especially when
the man is not committed to the
relationship.
Costs and Benefits
of Cohabitation
Costs (cont.)
–Weaker commitment to their
relationship than those who are married.
–Demonstrate more negative behaviors
after marriage.
–Dilutes intergenerational ties.
–There are no legal protections in most
states.
Does Cohabitation Lead to a
Better Marriage?
No, it doesn’t. It may be because of a
selection effect, which suggests that
people who cohabitate before marriage
have different characteristics than those
who do not.
The cohabitation effect may lead to marital
instability. Cohabitation can increase the
likelihood of divorce because the couple got
used to the impermanent nature of the
relationship.
How Does Cohabitation
Affect Children?
Experience more domestic violence
Are more likely to be poor
Are in households in which the partners
spend more on adult goods and less
on children
Have more academic problems
Cohabitation and the Law
There are seven states that prohibit
cohabitation.
Even in states where cohabitation is not
prohibited, unmarried couples and
their children have little legal
protection.
Cohabitants’ best protection in financial
matters is to maintain separate
ownership of possessions.
Gay and Lesbian Couples
Like heterosexual couples, homosexual
cohabitating couples must work out issues
of power, etc., in their relationships.
Most lesbians and gay men want what every
one else wants, a loving relationship.
A majority of gay and lesbian couples report
having equal power in their relationships.
Gay and Lesbian Couples
Problems and conflicts—like heterosexual
couples, gay and lesbian couples
experience problems in all four areas: 1)
power, 2) finances, 3) inequality, and 4)
possessiveness.
They are also just as likely to complain about
personal flaws. Violence is a more
pervasive problem among gay male
couples.
Same-Sex Marriage
In 2004, Massachusetts became the first
state to legalize same-sex marriage.
Since then five other states have
followed suit.
Same-sex marriage remains a
controversial issue in the U.S.
Our choices about where and how we
live are as varied as our faces.
Civil Unions
Eight states now allow civil unions,
which are a marriage alternative for
gays.
– They are California, Connecticut, Hawaii,
Maine, Washington, Nevada, New
Jersey, and Oregon.
– About 22 countries around the world offer
varying civil union benefits.