Analyzing Communication
1
Analyzing Communication: The Break-Up
Jennifer Rogers
University at Albany
Professor Bland
Interpersonal Communication
Summer 2015
Analyzing Communication
2
ABSTRACT
The Break-Up, starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, is a film highly dependent
on communication between characters. When the movie opens, Brooke, portrayed by Aniston,
and Gary, portrayed by Vaughn, are dating and living together. The trouble Brooke and Gary
have communicating with each other and the issues they come to realize, result in the demise of
their relationship. Neither of them wants to move out of their apartment, so they continue to
miscommunicate throughout the film. The Break-Up presents communication dynamics such as
the life cycle of relationships, gender differences, and managing conflict.
Analyzing Communication
3
Analyzing Communication: The Break-Up
The Break-Up, starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, is a film highly dependent
on communication between the characters. When the movie opens, Brooke, portrayed by
Aniston, and Gary, portrayed by Vaughn, are dating and living together. The trouble Brooke and
Gary have communicating with each other and the issues they come to realize, result in the
demise of their relationship. Neither of them wants to move out of their apartment, so they
continue to miscommunicate throughout the film. The Break-Up presents communication
dynamics such as the life cycle of relationships, gender differences, and managing conflict.
Life Cycle of Relationships
The life cycle of relationships is a communication dynamic that is certainly evident in
The Break-Up. According to Beebe (2014), relational development consists of escalation stages
and de-escalation stages. Interpersonal communication allows for people to partake in these
stages and could result in both the growth and/or destruction of their relationship. In reference to
the Model of Relational Development, the escalation stages of a relationship are pre-interaction
awareness, acquaintance, exploration, intensification, and intimacy. Pre-interaction awareness is
a passive strategy, where one learns about another without any direct interactions (Beebe, 2014).
This can be done by watching another person or by asking others about them. In The Break-Up,
Gary notices Brooke at a baseball game. Gary engages in pre-interaction awareness when he
observes Brooke with another man, but doesn’t say anything. The next stage, acquaintance,
involves presenting a “public self” to the person of interest (Beebe, 2014). There are two substages in the acquaintance stage and they involve introductions and casual banter. The
introduction stage is where one directly interacts with another by introducing themselves.
Following this stage is the casual banter stage, where one interacts with another on a light level,
Analyzing Communication
4
speaking of impersonal and general topics. Since Gary liked what he saw from Brooke, he made
an effort to talk to her by offering her one of the six hot dogs he bought. After introducing
himself, Gary partook in casual banter when asking Brooke, “have you ever had a hot dog at the
ball park?” and “Do you like mustard?”. The subsequent stages are exploration, when one shares
in-depth information about themselves, and intensification, when one another “begin to depend
on each other for self-confirmation and engage in more risky self-disclosure” (Beebe, p. 265).
Although The Break-Up doesn’t reveal these stages to the audience, it is evident that these two
stages had to have occurred for the characters to enter the intimacy stage. The intimacy stage
occurs when two people accept each other for who they are and confirm their roles in the
relationship. The Break-Up presents that Brooke and Gary have entered the intimacy stage when
multiple pictures of them kissing and holding hands are displayed to the audience. Following the
intimacy stage of relation escalation are the de-escalation stages. Relational de-escalation
consists of turmoil or stagnation, de-intensification, individualization, separation, and postseparation effects. Hence it’s title, “The Break-Up”, these stages are undoubtedly prominent in
the film. Throughout the film, the relationship between Brooke and Gary decreases in intimacy
followed by it’s desistance. As Brooke and Gary come to notice the faults of one another, they
enter the Turmoil stage. According to Beebe (2014), “The goals and definition of the relationship
lose clarity, mutual acceptance declines, the communication climate becomes tense, and
exchanges are difficult” (p. 266). Both Gary and Brooke realize these issues within their
relationship resulting in the deintensification stage. Brooke asserts her dissatisfaction with the
relationship when she tells Gary she is done. Brooke and Gary begin to define their “lives as
individuals” and limit their interactions (Beebe, p. 267). This supports the individualization stage
of the Model of Relational Development. The individualization stage entails changes in
Analyzing Communication
5
perspective such as “you” and “me” instead of thinking “us” and “we”. As Brooke begins to date
other people, it’s certain she is no longer viewing herself and Gary as “us” or “we”. The
Separation stage follows, described by Beebe (2014) as “an intentional decision to eliminate or
minimize further interpersonal interaction” (p. 267). Brooke and Gary enter this stage when they
decide to sell the apartment they have been living in. The last stage consists of post-separation
effects where each person has to regain a healthy sense of self. The Break-Up reveals this stage
when Brooke and Gary run into each other in the street. Gary has lost weight and Brooke carries
an honest smile. The ending scene reveals that the relationship they had will always be a part of
them, but the break-up was inevitable for the sake of their happiness. Similar to the Model of
Relational Development, Knapp’s (1978) model consists of five stages that “describe coming
together” and five stages that “describe coming apart” (Anderson, p. 281). The stages of Knapp’s
model are determined by social exchange theory, defined by Anderson (n.d.) as evaluations of
relational rewards and costs result in decisions about where the relationship will go and how fast
it will get there (p. 281). This model is supported in The Break-Up when Brooke and Gary both
proclaim they are giving more than they are getting in return. Both Gary and Brooke express that
they do not feel appreciated by one another for all the things they do. Since the costs of the
relationship were more than the rewards, the couple made a mutual decision to break up.
Gender Differences
The film, The Break-Up, acknowledges that men and women communicate in different
ways. According to Igbo (2015), Gender is the range of characteristics pertaining to and
differentiating between males and females (p. 491). There are many scenes where gender
differences are evident between Brooke and Gary. One of the first scenes to expose the gender
differences between the two characters is the “Lemon Scene”. Brooke asks Gary to bring home
Analyzing Communication
6
twelve lemons for her since they would be having company over that night. Before the company
arrives, Brooke realizes Gary had only brought home three lemons. Brooke confronts Gary,
saying “you got three lemons” and Gary replies with “What my baby wants, my baby gets.”
Brooke, flustered, tells Gary she asked for twelve lemons and Gary asks, “why would you want
twelve lemons?”. After finding out that Brooke’s intentions were to make a twelve lemon center
piece, Gary is confused and thinks it’s ridiculous that no one would even be eating the lemons.
They continue to argue about the topic because due to their gender differences, they feel
differently about the importance of a centerpiece. The gender differences between the two do not
help contribute to the underlying problem; Gary had not listened to what Brooke asked for in the
first place.
Gender differences in communication styles of men and women create areas of conflict
and common pitfalls in relationships (Merchant, 2012). Deborah Tannen (1990), wrote the book,
You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, to reveal the different
communication styles between men and women due to gender differences. Differences across
gender start at a young age when in fact boys create relationships by doing things together and
girls create relationships by talking with each other (Merchant, 2012). According to Tannen
(1990), activities are central to the friendship of boys in contrast with “talk is the essence of
intimacy” for girls (Merchant, p. 16). Men and women view the purpose of conversations
differently, therefore; differences are evident between the communication styles of men and
women. According to Leaper (1991), it’s expected of women to use language to enhance social
connections and relationships, while it’s expected of men to use communication to enhance
social dominance (Merchant, p. 17). This assertion is apparent in multiple scenes of The BreakUp. In a scene about doing the dishes, Brooke communicates with Gary in hopes to enhance their
Analyzing Communication
7
relationship, but Gary views it as a threat instead and tries to assert dominance. After professing
all the hard work she had done to put the dinner together, Brooke politely mentions it’d be nice
for Gary to help her with the dishes. Gary, who is entwined with his video game, puts up a fight,
followed by throwing his controller on the ground, before giving in to help. Gary answers, “Fine.
I’ll do the damn dishes.” Brooke, upset by his dominance, rather than his effort to better their
relationship, tells him that this isn’t what she wants. Gary is then confused because Brooke had
just asked him to do the dishes. Brooke explains she wants him to want to do the dishes (for the
sake of improving their relationship) and Gary misunderstands this as Brooke being upset he
doesn’t like doing dishes. Gary results to calling Brooke crazy because the gender differences
between them limit him from having a genuine understanding of what she wants. Following the
scene about doing the dishes, Brooke, still bothered, brings up the issue with the lemons again.
Resolving conflict is a common communicative mistake made by both men and women in a
relationship (Gray, 1992). When trying to resolve a conflict, men have a natural tendency to find
a solution, although women seek understanding and empathy (Gray, 1992). When Brooke brings
up, “I asked you to do one thing today … to bring me twelve lemons and you brought me three”,
she is looking for responsiveness and empathy from Gary. Gary doesn’t understand this so he
replies with a “solution” to the problem. He says that if he knew it was going to be this much
trouble, he would have brought home twenty-four lemons or even a hundred. He even continues
to say, “I wish everyone at the goddamn table had their own little private bag of lemons.” This is
not the solution that Brooke is looking for, since she just wants Gary to understand he had not
listened to what she had asked for and was upset about it. Gary’s natural tendency to come up
with a solution rather than an understanding hurts Brooke because she is seeking to resolve the
conflict differently. A study by Igbo (2015), concluded that gender is significant in predicting
Analyzing Communication
8
conflict resolution strategies. Gender differences play a role in managing conflict as well as
communication and language overall.
Managing Conflict
Conflict is defined by Best (2006) as “the pursuit of incompatible interest and goals by
different groups” (Igbo, p. 491). A common myth is that conflict can always be resolved (Beebe,
2014). The Break-Up supports this assertion because Brooke and Gary could not look past their
differences and maintain their relationship. Conflict is a process, usually having several events
leading up to it. The source of the conflict, involving prior conditions, sets the stage for
disagreement (Beebe, 2014). This first phase exists when two people in a relationship
acknowledge that there are differences. According to Beebe, “the differences may stem from role
expectations, perceptions, goals or resources.” Brooke and Gary consider their differences when
speaking of their roles. Gary asserts to Brooke, “I’m busting my ass … so I can make enough
money to support the both of us and hopefully you won’t have to work one day.” Brooke
responds, “I want to work”, noticing that her role expectations are different from his. Gary,
insulted, tells Brooke all he wants is a little respect and that all she does is nag him. After this
statement, Brooke enters the beginning of the conflict, the frustration awareness phase. The
frustration awareness phase exists when noticing the difference of perceptions between you and
your partner. Brooke wants to accomplish a sort of teamwork within her relationship, but Gary
views it as nagging instead. This misunderstanding results in frustration between the partners
until it’s evident that there is a real conflict. Brooke and Gary have reached the middle of their
conflict, the active conflict phase. Since they both brought their frustration to the attention of one
another, their conflict has become an active, “expressed struggle” (Beebe, p. 223). Since both
Brooke and Gary had waited to express their feelings, their frustration escalates. Gary displays
Analyzing Communication
9
intense emotions when stating he just wants to be left alone. Brooke, just as frustrated, says, “I’m
done! I don’t deserve this ... I’m not spending one more second of this life with some
inconsiderate pr*ck”. Brooke’s statement entered the couple to the end of their conflict; the
resolution stage. Various strategies by which conflict may be resolved include “avoiding the
conflict, giving in, standing your ground, compromise, collaborating, mediation, voting, and
others” (Igbo, p. 491). Although Brooke and Gary have chosen to go their separate ways, it is
still a solution. According to Beebe (2014), “not all conflicts can be neatly resolved”, which
supports that separation is still a resolution to their conflict (p. 223). The last stage is the follow
up, where individuals check with one another that the conflict has been managed effectively.
Mentioned before, when Brooke and Gary see each other in the street months later, they come to
realize the break up was the right thing to do to achieve one’s own well being.
In all, The-Break Up displays communication dynamics such as the life cycle of
relationships, gender differences, and managing conflict. The life cycle of relationships is
presented in The Break-Up through the stages of the Model of Relational Development as well as
Knapp’s (1978) Model. Gender differences in communication styles were also presented in the
film resulting in conflict. Brooke and Gary then managed the conflict with the only solution they
found suitable; the break-up.
Analyzing Communication
10
Bibliography
Anderson, T. L., Avtgis, T. A., and West, D. V., (n.d.). Relationship Stages: An Inductive
Analysis Identifying Cognitive, Affective, and Behavioral Dimensions of Knapp’s
Relational Stages Model. Communication Research Reports, 15(3), pp. 280-287.
Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J. and Redmond, M.V. (2014). Interpersonal Communication:
Relating to Others. New York, NY: Pearson.
Igbo, H. I., Grace, A. R., & Christiana, E. O. (2015). Relationship between Duration of
Marriage, Personality Trait, Gender and Conflict Resolution Strategies of
Spouses. Procedia - Social And Behavioral Sciences, 190 (2015), pp. 490-496.
Gray, J. (1992). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: a Practical Guide for
Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in a Relationship.
New York: HarperCollins.
Merchant, Karima. (2012) "How Men And Women Differ: Gender Differences in
Communication Styles, Influence Tactics, and Leadership Styles.” CMC Senior Theses.
Paper 513. http://scholarship.claremont.edu/cmc_theses/513
Vaughn, V. (Producer), & Reed, P. (Director). (2006). The Break-Up [Motion Picture].
United States: Universal Studios.