Teaching with Style:
Using Joseph Williams’s Classic
Guide with Students
Joseph Bizup
Boston University
March 12, 2015
Contact: jbizup@bu.edu
Foundations
Principles
Teaching
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Foundational Positions
“This is a book about writing based on our ways of reading.”
• Clarity is not a property of texts but an impression or feeling of readers.
• Impressions of clarity vary with expertise (“the curse of knowledge”).
• Writers can’t trust their own judgments about the clarity of their writing.
• Writers therefore need principles they can follow to assess and revise their
writing.
• Happily, readers respond to sentences, passages, and whole sections/texts in
predictable ways.
• Writers can capitalize on readers’ predictable responses to write in ways their
readers will find clear, coherent, understandable, and memorable.
• These principles can be taught explicitly and practiced.
• These principles are not rules.
• Style is not about correctness but about choice.
• Style is, ultimately, an ethical matter: Williams’s First Rule of Ethical Writing is,
“Write To Others as You Would Have Others Write to You.”
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Williams gives us mutually reinforcing principles for writing
with clarity and grace.
• Characters as Subjects: Use main characters in the “story” you are
telling as the subjects of most of your sentences.
• Actions as Verbs: Express the main actions performed by (or on) these
characters as verbs, not nouns.
• Old before New: Begin sentences with familiar information, and end
them with information readers cannot predict.
• Short before Long: Begin sentences with a short, easily grasped
segment of information that frames the longer, more complex segments
that follow. This principle applies not only to sentences, but also to
paragraphs, sections, and whole documents.
• Topic then Stress: Begin sentences with what they are “about” or
“comment on”; end with words that should receive special emphasis.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Short/Simple
Long/Complex
OLD
NEW
Movable
information
bundles
Fixed syntactic
slots
Subject
Verb
Movable story
elements
Character
Action
Complement
Informational
Level
STRESS
(What you want to emphasize)
Grammatical
Level
TOPIC
(What the sentence is about)
Rhetorical
Level
Williams gives us mutually reinforcing principles for writing
with clarity and grace.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principles 1 & 2: Character as Subjects, Actions as Verbs
Examples
1a.
An explanation of the war’s causes is contained in Lincoln’s third paragraph; a rallying cry to his audience to
continue the struggle is contained in his fourth paragraph.
1b.
In his third paragraph, Lincoln explains what caused the war; in his fourth paragraph, he rallies his audience to
continue the struggle.
1c.
Lincoln’s third paragraph explains the causes of the war; his fourth paragraph rallies his audience to continue the
struggle.
2a.
In the 1990s, the partition of existing states or even, in severe cases, the segregation of populations through
forcible transfer became attractive as a possible means of resolving ethno-religious tensions.
2b.
In the 1990s, some policy analysts were attracted to the idea that tensions between ethnic and religious groups
might be resolved by partitioning existing states or even, in severe cases, by forcibly segregating populations.
3a.
The assumed annual revenue growth in the management plan is below that historically realized, but a $2.0M
increase has already been achieved through a new contract with the company’s key client.
3b.
In its management plan, the company assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has
historically, but it has already increased revenue by $2.0M through a new contract with its key client.
3c.
The company’s management plan assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically,
but a new contract with the company’s key client has already increased revenue by $2.0M.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principles 1 & 2: Character as Subjects, Actions as Verbs
Examples
1a.
1b.
1c.
2a.
2b.
An explanation of the war’s causes is contained in Lincoln’s third paragraph; a rallying cry to his audience to
continue the struggle is contained in his fourth paragraph.
In his third paragraph, Lincoln explains what caused the war; in his fourth paragraph, he rallies his audience to
continue the struggle.
Lincoln’s third paragraph explains the causes of the war; his fourth paragraph rallies his audience to continue
the struggle.
In the 1990s, the partition of existing states or even, in severe cases, the segregation of populations through
forcible transfer became attractive as a possible means of resolving ethno-religious tensions.
In the 1990s, some policy analysts were attracted to the idea that tensions between ethnic and religious groups
might be resolved by partitioning existing states or even, in severe cases, by forcibly segregating populations.
3a.
The assumed annual revenue growth in the management plan is below that historically realized, and a $2.0M
increase has already been achieved through a new contract with the company’s key client.
3b.
In its management plan, the company assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically,
but the it has already increased revenue by $2.0M through a new contract with its key client.
3c.
The company’s management plan assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically,
but a new contract with the company’s key client has already increased revenue by $2.0M.
Key: Character
Action
Subject
Verb
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
The further you depart from these principles, the less
readable your writing becomes.
Two-character example
From this:
1. Retailers have increasingly consolidated and centralized functions over the past several
years, leading customers to object to more complicated purchasing procedures.
To this:
2. Retailers have achieved increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the
past several years, leading customers to raise objections to more complicated purchasing
procedures.
Then this:
3. Increased retailer consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years
has resulted in customer objections to more complicated purchasing procedures.
And finally this:
4. Increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has
resulted in objections to more complicated purchasing procedures.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
The further you depart from these principles, the less
readable your writing becomes.
Three-character example
From this:
1. Investors generally prefer regulators to require companies to document all of their financial
instruments at fair value, rather than allowing companies to apply fair value on an
instrument-by-instrument basis.
To this:
2. Investors generally have a preference that regulators require companies to provide
documentation of all of their financial instruments at fair value rather than allowing
companies to undertake application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis.
Then this:
3. Investors’ general preference is for a regulatory requirement for documentation of all of a
company’s financial instruments at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair
value by companies on an instrument-by-instrument basis.
And finally this:
4. The general preference is for a requirement for documentation of all financial assets at fair
value, rather than for allowing application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument
basis.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
The further you depart from these principles, the less
readable your writing becomes.
Two-character example
Here characters are subjects and actions are verbs:
1. Retailers have increasingly consolidated and centralized functions over the past several
years, leading customers to object to more complicated purchasing procedures.
You can express actions using nouns rather than verbs:
2. Retailers have achieved increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the
past several years, leading customers to raise objections to more complicated purchasing
procedures.
You can displace characters from subjects:
3. Increased retailer consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years
has resulted in customer objections to more complicated purchasing procedures.
You can even delete characters altogether:
4. Increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has
resulted in objections to more complicated purchasing procedures.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
The further you depart from these principles, the less
readable your writing becomes.
Three-character example
Here characters are subjects and actions are verbs:
1. Investors generally prefer regulators to require companies to document all of their financial
instruments at fair value, rather than allowing companies to apply fair value on an
instrument-by-instrument basis.
You can express actions using nouns rather than verbs:
2. Investors generally have a preference that regulators require companies to provide
documentation of all of their financial instruments at fair value rather than allowing
companies to undertake application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis.
You can displace characters from subjects:
3. Investors’ general preference is for a regulatory requirement for documentation of all of a
company’s financial instruments at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair
value by companies on an instrument-by-instrument basis.
You can even delete characters altogether:
4. The general preference is for a requirement for documentation of all financial assets at fair
value, rather than for allowing application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument
basis.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 3: Old Before New
Example: We tell students to prefer the active voice to the passive….
Active:
1a. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble
creates a black hole.
Passive:
1b. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps
no larger than a marble.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 3: Old Before New
Example: But context matters.
1a. Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been
raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead
star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole.
So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of
space around it in puzzling ways.
1b. Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been
raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created
by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a
marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the
fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 3: Old Before New
Example: But context matters.
1a. Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been
raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead
star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole.
So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of
space around it in puzzling ways.
✔ 1b. Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been
raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created
by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a
marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the
fabric of space around it in puzzling ways.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 4: Short Before Long
Examples
1a. A delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar,
cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and
Worcestershire sauce, characterized her fine barbecue sauce.
1b. Her fine barbecue sauce was characterized by a delicate balance among its
many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and
mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce.
2a. That school emphasizes sustained collaboration among its talented
students and faculty and rigorous instruction.
2b. That school emphasizes rigorous instruction and sustained collaboration
among its talented students and faculty.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 4: Short Before Long
Examples
1a. A delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar,
cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and
Worcestershire sauce, characterized her fine barbecue sauce.
1b. Her fine barbecue sauce was characterized by a delicate balance among its
✔
many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and
mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce.
2a. That school emphasizes | sustained collaboration among its talented
students and faculty and rigorous instruction.
✔ 2b. That school emphasizes | rigorous instruction and sustained collaboration
among its talented students and faculty.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 5: Topic Then Stress
Examples
1.
My favorite novel is Jane Eyre.
2a. The company’s sales are strong, but its stock has dipped recently.
2b. The company’s stock has dipped recently, but its sales are strong.
3a. The universities were going to have to pursue students much as businesses
pursue customers. They were going to have to treat their prospective
students as potential buyers. And they were going to have to treat their
existing students as customers too, for students can always switch brands.
--Mark Edmundson, Why Teach? In Defense of a Real Education
3b. The universities were going to have to act like businesses pursuing
customers to attract prospective students. And because customers can
always switch brands, universities were going to have to take the same
approach with their existing students too.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Principle 5: Topic Then Stress
Examples
1.
My favorite novel is Jane Eyre.
2a. The company’s sales are strong, but its stock has dipped recently.
2b. The company’s stock has dipped recently, but its sales are strong.
3.
The universities were going to have to pursue students much as businesses
pursue customers. They were going to have to treat their prospective
students as potential buyers. And they were going to have to treat their
existing students as customers too, for students can always switch brands.
--Mark Edmundson, Why Teach? In Defense of a Real Education
3b. The universities were going to have to act like businesses pursuing
customers to attract prospective students. And because customers can
always switch brands, universities were going to have to take the same
approach with their existing students too.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Teaching with Style in First-Year Writing:
Goal: to help student writers learn to make informed, confident, and
sound choices.
Strengths
• Takes students seriously as writers
• Emphasizes and educates choice
• Builds on students’ intuitions as
readers to teach clear writing
• States its principles explicitly
• Integrates principles into a coherent
system (sentence level, passage
level, section/document level)
• Recognizes that we need to write not
only clearly but also efficiently
• Makes style matter in civic and
ethical senses
Challenges
• Williams’s focus was professional
writing: pre-professionalized
students (i.e., beginning
undergraduates) don’t yet write
badly in the ways Style aims to
correct
• Says little about invention
• Limited treatment of genre
• Pitched at fairly high level for FYW
• Exercises in the book are largely
artificial revision exercises
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Guidelines for Using Style Successfully in First-Year Writing
1. Get “style” out of the book and into the classroom.
2. Design assignments and activities….
• that involve students’ own writing
• that emphasize reading, especially in diverse
genres
• that address thinking, planning, invention
• that entail giving and receiving feedback
3. Always emphasize agency and choice (lowstakes word play is great….)
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Design activities and assignments that involve students’
own writing.
“Make It Better,
Make It Worse”
Gather sentences from students’ drafts into
a PowerPoint; make sure every student is
represented. Have students work in pairs.
Each pair picks two sentences to analyze
and revise using Williams’s principles: one
to make clearer and one to make less clear.
Characters, Topics,
and Point of View
Have each student go through one
substantial paragraph of his or her own
writing. Highlight subjects, characters,
topics. Analyze: do they make up a
coherent set? Change: rewrite to make the
paragraph coherent, or if coherent, rewrite
to change the point of view.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Design activities and assignments that emphasize
reading, especially in diverse genres
Readability
Analysis
Share a sample of passages from published texts
from different genres: newspaper editorial, familiar
essay, academic journal article, etc. Have students
read the passages and rate their readability on a
scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high). Collate ratings and
share results. Have students work in pairs to use
Williams’s principles to explain their ratings,
including variations.
Competing
Arguments
Assign two competing arguments and discuss.
Have students reflect on how the style of each
piece contributes to or reinforces its argument.
Scavenger
Hunt
Ask students to submit passages from their outside
reading that exemplify or violate specific principles
of style, including ethical ones. Share with the
class and discuss.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Design activities and assignments that address thinking,
planning, and invention
“Cast of
Characters”
Before drafting, students create a cast of 2-3 “characters.”
They then try to use these characters as the subjects of
most of their sentences. This is a “priming” exercise that
helps students focus their arguments and identify/adopt a
point of view.
Thinking
As an exploratory exercise, students write responses to a
Through Style reading or idea of their own by completing “challenge”
sentences. For example:
•Tannen’s real point is not ____ but _____.
•It seems that ______, but in fact ______.
•Write a sentence beginning with “Although” that contains at
least two clauses and a resumptive modifier.
Ringing the
Changes
Start with a clear sentence and have students revise to
move it down the scale of readability: turn verbs into nouns,
displace characters from subjects, eliminate characters
altogether.
Foundations | Principles | Teaching
Design activities and assignments that entail giving and
receiving responses and feedback.
“Explaining
Impressions” Peer
Review
Students work in groups of two or three:
each student goes through another’s draft
and describes the experience of reading
each paragraph or section with a single
word” “great,” “clear,” “confusing,” etc.
Another student (who may or may not be
the writer) uses Williams’s principles to
explain the impressions.
“What’s Your
Problem?”
Have students use Williams’s template to
draft or review introductions:
•Common ground
•Problem [situation + cost]
•Solution [claim/promise of claim + benefit]
Variation: Try mixing and matching claims
and the problems to which they respond.
Teaching with Style:
Using Joseph Williams’s Classic Guide with Students
March 12, 2015
Joseph Bizup
Director, Arts & Sciences Writing Program
Associate Professor, Department of English
Boston University
CAS Writing Program
100 Bay State Road, 3rd Floor
Boston, Massachusetts 02215
jbizup@bu.edu