If string theory is really true, then the entire world is made up of strings, and I
cannot tie a single one. This past summer, I applied for my very first job at a small,
busy bakery and café in my neighborhood. I knew that if I were hired there, I
would learn how to use a cash register, prepare sandwiches, and take cake
orders. I imagined that my biggest struggle would be catering to demanding New
Yorkers, but I never thought that it would be the benign act of tying a box that
would become both my biggest obstacle and greatest teacher.
On my first day of work in late August, one of the bakery’s employees hastily
explained the procedure. It seemed simple: wrap the string around your hand,
then wrap it three times around the box both ways, and knot it. I recited the
anthem in my head, “three times, turn it, three times, knot” until it became my
mantra. After observing multiple employees, it was clear that anyone tying the box
could complete it in a matter of seconds. For weeks, I labored endlessly, only to
watch the strong and small pieces of my pride unravel each time I tried.
As I rushed to discreetly shove half-tied cake boxes into plastic bags, I could not
help but wonder what was wrong with me. I have learned Mozart arias,
memorized the functional groups in organic chemistry, and calculated the antiderivatives of functions that I will probably never use in real life—all with a modest
amount of energy. For some reason though, after a month’s effort, tying string
around a cake box still left me in a quandary.
PRACTICE


Go through your essay and circle language that is
vague, generic, awkward, unclear, confusing,
repetitive, slangy, clichéd, basic, or stale.
Go back through your essay and replace these
circled words with vivid vocabulary. Tips:
Try adding dialogue
 Use sensory language (I heard, I felt, I smelled, I saw)
 Show, don’t tell
 Be descriptive – use vivid verbs
 Be specific, not vague


Incorporate at least three different types of figurative
language into your essay.
HINT: Make sure your revisions don’t seem forced!
Mechanics
Review of Parallel Structure
Correct the following sentences to make them parallel. Cross
out any elements of the sentence that are not parallel and
replace them with parallel elements.
1.
When we go to Vegas we must go shopping, to the
casino, and other entertainment places.
2.
The teacher said that he was a poor student because he
waited until the last minute to study for the exam,
completed his lab problems in a careless manner, and his
motivation was low.
3.
The coach told the players that they should get a lot of
sleep, that they should not eat too much, and to do some
warm-up exercises before the game.
4.
Dogs are great pets for the following reasons: they are
loyal, they are loving and because of their obedience.
Review of Parallel Structure
You can also make whole sentences parallel. This
can mean balancing two separate sentences or
two sides of one sentence with the verb in the
middle. Here are examples of both kinds:
 Let’s
make a night you won’t remember;
I’ll be the one you won’t forget.
 To
know her is to love her.
A Phrase is…
A
group of words
that does NOT
contain both a
subject and a verb
 One or the other is
missing
A
group of words
that contains both
a subject (noun) + a
predicate (verb)
…shouting out loud…
…the blue marker…
…once upon a time…
…quickly running
away…
…because he was tired
She ironed the shirt.
While the wind howled…
This is a complete
sentence.
Independent clauses

Can stand alone as a complete sentence
S + V
My mom called today
S
Yesterday’s weather forecast
V
Dancing around the room
S + V
Where your textbook is
S + V
That computer is slow
S + V
Because you are working hard
Dependent clauses


Have both a subject and a verb
CANNOT stand alone as a complete sentence
S + V
My mom called today
S
Yesterday’s weather forecast
V
Dancing around the room
S + V
Where your textbook is
S +V
That computer is slow
S + V
Because you are working hard
Clause Practice
Label each of the following clauses as
Independent (I) or Dependent (D):
1.
Jem and I confined our activities to the
southern neighborhood
2.
If she was on the porch when we passed
3.
She was vicious
4.
His money was burning up his pockets
5.
But it was no help
Using semicolons to separate clauses
Semicolons can only be used to separate two independent
clauses.

Identify the sentence which correctly uses a semicolon to
separate two complete sentences:
A. Your mother was a hamster; and your father smelt of
elderberries.
B.
If you drive me to the mall; I will buy you an ice cream
cone.
C. I would take you up on your offer; however, I don’t like ice
cream.

Add a semicolon to the following sentence to separate two
complete sentences:
The winter weather makes me want to move somewhere
warm therefore I am looking for jobs in the South.