ETHICS IN ADOPTION
BY AMBRE MYLER
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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FOCUS OF PAPER --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3
FINDINGS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4
ACD STORIES ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6
INTERVIEW (ANNEMARIE) ------------------------------------------------------------------ 10
INTERVIEW (DANNY KING)----------------------------------------------------------------- 12
RED FLAGS ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13
CONCLUSIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 14
RESOLUTION -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14
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INTRODUCTION
Bringing a baby into the world is a magical, wonderful, brilliant thing. However, sometimes
people can't have the same experience as others but that does not mean they can’t experience
a magically wonderful different way of having a baby. That’s where such agencies come in.
That’s where they give these adoptive parents a chance of a life time, by helping these parents
find their baby. However, the other side of the fence can be green as well; sometimes people
have babies who know that better thing for this tiny human being is to give it up for adoption
to give him or her their own magical, brilliant, life.
My paper is about the adoption agencies and how some but not all use agencies unethical
business practices. Are all the legal aspects of the adoption process ethical, and are all adoption
agencies using legal practices?
The focus of this paper is to:

identify issues between parents who are adopting and the adoption process
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explain the unethical issues with the adoption process

identify parts of the adoption process that are legal but clearly unethical
Clearly there are some amazing aspects of adoption. The end result is wonderful but is the
process to getting that baby wonderful? Sure, some have great adoption agencies and they are
able to work with them but often this is not the case. Often the adoption agencies can make
this journey a nightmare.
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FINDINGS
The problem
When adopting a child, you can have a smooth ride, which usually means pay the upfront
amount, waiting , and having a good relationship with your adoption agency. Sometimes,
however, this is not the case. You get pushed around and bullied by your agency and asked for
more money after you have agreed on an amount. You may get lied to about the child’s race,
gender, or even medical issues. There are legal “rules” in adoption that are clearly unethical.
Adoption agencies use unethical business practices every day because some of these practices
are legal.
It’s legal but is it ethical?
There are many things that adoption agencies do that most would consider unethical in any
other aspects of the community. There are no laws against any of these practices. (Iadoptee1)
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State governments knowingly and willingly falsify the birth records of adoptees.
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Adoption agencies are legally allowed to charge thousands upon thousands of dollars to
bring a child from his or her natural parents and transfer him or her to other people.
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Adoption agencies can raise fees for Caucasian infants and lower fees for African
American ones.
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They charge adoptive parents non-service related fees even though they do not get a
placement.
Agencies promise adoptive parents short times to placement.
The agencies attempt to isolate the "birth" mother from her normal support system
(parents, friends, boyfriends, church, etc.).
The adoption agencies tell the "birth" mother that if she truly loves her baby, she will
give it up and that if she keeps her baby that she will "resent" the child and will abuse
him/her.
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They tell the "birth" mother that she will redeem herself in her parents eyes if she gives
her baby away.
Agencies will call a baby a "gift,” a "miracle,” or a "blessing" to an infertile couple.
They often tell the birth mother that her child deserves a 2-parent family and cites
skewed statistics about single mothers.
Some will try to move the "birth" mother to an adoption friendly state where father
notification laws are adoption friendly and where there is little or no revocation period.
They can tell "birth" mothers that they will feel sad in the beginning but they will get
over their loss and "move on" with life.
The A Child’s Dream Agency Stories
There are many stories about unethical adoption agencies; actually there are hundreds and
after reading for a while, I found a quite a few stories that are unethical. These are some stories
from adoptionagencyratings.com
The Worst Agency Ever—There is no way that anyone honestly had a good experience
with ACD and specifically Annemarie. She must be writing the positive reviews herself.
She is the rudest, most unethical adoption "professional" (or person for that matter)
that I have ever encountered. I think she has a severe mental illness because there is no
other excuse for the way she treated us. We needed very simple help with an already
identified birthmother and we signed on with ACD at the very last minute because it
was too late to find another agency. Annemarie did everything in her power to sabotage
our adoption. She seemed to be angry at us and hate us before we ever even had a
conversation with her.
We made it happen ourselves, through sheer force of will and we had to push ACD along
every step of the way. They repeatedly asked for more money after telling us it was a
one-time fee. It got VERY expensive when they really didn’t have to do much of anything
in our case at all. They were insulting and terrifying to our daughter's birthmother, at
one point telling her they were going to take the baby away from us and place her with
another couple. Our birthmother was absolutely horrified and cried all day until she
found out they couldn't really do that. I can't understand how they stay in business. I
have adopted one other child with another agency which was fine but ACD was truly
appalling. (Greens 5 2009)
We will do everything we can—Our experience was so miserable from start to finish.
Before we even realized our adoption would end in failure, we had decided we would
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not adopt a second child because of how unpleasant this agency was to work with.
We've subsequently learned that the whole adoption community isn't like ACD, and
adoption agencies actually can be nice to adoptive parents. Hopefully, we'll get a
chance to adopt with one of the nice ones. In the meantime, we just want to prevent
other adoptive parents from having to go through the same experiences we did. One of
the worst things about working with ACD was being treated so rudely while having to
bite our tongue as much as possible for fear they would disrupt the adoption if we said
anything wrong. As our adoption was starting to fail, they confronted me on my
probably less than kind behavior toward them.
When I apologized and tried explaining I was under a bit of stress but had been
expecting better service (after they made us wait 2 extra hours at the hospital the night
our girl was discharged so they could go out to dinner, had us fly to town 2 weeks earlier
than needed before the baby was born, and refused to help when our ICPC process got
hung up, resulting in us being out of town for a total of 5 weeks--not to mention all the
other rude, confusing, or untrue statements they made to us along the way), they told
me I couldn't talk to them about stress until I had a baby ripped out of my arms. Since
our adoption ended in failure three months after our girl was born, I guess I now qualify
to talk to them about stress...although I hope I never have to. (hopeful 123)A birth mother’s nightmare—That Gina is not the "specially trained" case worker she
claims to be. She is in fact the daughter of the owner of ACD. I also found out later that
no such lawsuit could be filed by ACD. Another of Gina's lie's. After my son was born and
placed with his new parents I was driven back to the apartment and left there without
any follow up care or support. I was not even given a post-delivery exam by the doctor.
Finally I got a letter from ACD about 5 years ago I used this agency in placing my then
unborn son up for adoption.
I have no regrets in my decision but the memory of this agency still haunts me. I first
met with a woman named Gina who talked me into signing a contract with them. She
then arranged for me to live in an apartment complex over an hour away from my
family. Stating that "sometimes it just best to get away from family”. I was not even
allowed to see my own doctor. A doctor was arranged for me by Gina and she actually
went to all the appointments. She had me do a phone interview with a man in Georgia
who wanted me "to gage the color of my son’s skin color". When I refused to talk to him
anymore she demanded I reconsider sighting he is "very wealthy".
After I refused then Gina really turned mean and was very cruel and emotionally
degrading and abusive to me. I placed a call to ACD and spoke with Annemarie. I begged
her for a new case worker and she said it would be arranged, it never was. When I did
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settle on a couple to adopt my son Gina arranged for them to TAKE HER to lunch. I
thought it was very unprofessional for her to expect them to pay for her to go out.
Originally the open adoption arrangement was to include a visit with my son once a
year. But then Gina decided that it was not going to be like that. When I could not take it
anymore I tried to get away from ACD and that's when I was threatened with a lawsuit. I
later found out saying I needed to vacate the apartment. That is the last I ever heard of
them. Please! If you’re a pregnant women or a potential adoptive couple do NOT use
ACD. The treat their birth mothers like breeder cattle and exploit adoptive parents for
money and other "perks". They should not even be in business. Thank you
(mothor306, 2011)
Not for children—The communication lines at ACD are horrible. We had the worst time
getting hold of anybody to get our questions answered. We finally made contact with
Annemarie and were treated like criminals for simply trying to clarify our
responsibilities. She actually threatened to give our daughter to another couple after we
had held her in our arms! I have never been treated so poorly.
And the pricing is all "al-a-carte”.... the basic fee for ACD is comparable to other
agencies, but ACD adds all basic costs in addition to the fee where other agencies
include most costs as part of the fee. These people are in the business for the money,
not for the children. I should add that their social worker Susan was very helpful,
although she did not get support from the head office to handle our case when she had
to take a couple of days off - leaving us stranded in Las Vegas for an extra 5 days.(smom232 2012)
My response to A Child’s Dream (ACD)
I decided to post stories from this specific adoption agency because every single page of
reviews I found about them were just talking about how unethical they could be, and a
certain name kept coming up as the unethical queen, Annemarie finally I found myself
looking on ACD website the website looks welcoming you see a picture of a baby and of a
young couple a child playing in the sprinklers the sight is fairly basic. Listed on the website
besides the few pictures are these paragraphs.
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We at A Child’s Dream, a licensed child placement agency, are here to help you
with your adoption plan. Whether you are dealing with an unplanned/unwanted
pregnancy or hoping to adopt a newborn baby, our adoption counselors are here
to answer your questions and work with you individually in the adoption process,
as adoption facilitators. Our staff is experienced in assisting birth parents who
are looking to place their infant (and sometimes older children) as well as
adoptive parents who want to add a child to their family.
Other adoption services include: social worker assistance, home study provider,
foster care, outside counseling, legal assistance with an adoption attorney and
comprehensive birth mother assistance (no cost). Our extensive and proven
adoption network allows us to offer baby adoption as an abortion alternative in
cases of teenage pregnancy or otherwise. A teen pregnancy is treated with the
utmost confidence. A Child’s Dream handles domestic adoptions, from closed to
open adoption, and can match compatible birth parents to adoptive parents
when Christian adoption is a preference.
Placing a child for adoption can be complicated and emotional on both sides—let
us be your guide. Adoption agencies differ greatly. A Child’s Dream was founded
by adoptive parents. We are proud of our personal touch and believe this sets us
apart from other adoption agencies. (A child's dream website)-
I clicked on a link on the home page of their web site and it led me to another page where I
needed to enter whether I was interested in adopting a child or just interested in
information. I filled out the questionnaire and sent it in. After about two weeks with no
response to the information I requested, I decided to try clicking interested in adopting a
child and within an hour I received a call from the adoption agency.
Once on the phone with the adoption agency, I decided to ask for Annemarie. The agency,
seemed hesitant to let me talk to her, asking why I had a specific agent in mind. After
several times of stating that I just wanted to ask her a few questions for a school paper, I
was put on hold for about 15 minutes with an automated system until Annemarie picked up
the phone. I decided to ask her early on if it was okay to interview her with some questions
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about the adoption process and some unethical claims to the ACD adoption agency’s she
did not seem thrilled to be talking to me but said she could answer a few questions as long
as other clients did not call. Right before I started asking my actual questions with
Annemarie I decided to ask if she would mind if I recorded our conversation for writing
purposes. She explained she did not give consent for me to record any answers, she said
that she did not need any quotes ending up on line. She said I could use her answers in my
research paper; however, I could not use her quotes exactly. So here are her answers
paraphrased into my own words.
Question: Do you supply a breakdown of fees in writing as well as a schedule of when
payments are due?
Annemarie: Annemarie told me that they do supply a breakdown of payments
however payments can change due to cost of adoption process.
Question: Does ACD have bilingual representatives respected by the authorities in each
country you adopt with to obtain or assist with the referral of a child?
Annemarie: Annemarie said that because ACD works with many countries and
languages are hard to keep straight that they often hire and interpreter to help
the adoption process.
Question: Do you feel as if some of the legal practices of the adoption process are
unethical?
Annemarie: she said that if something where unethical with the adoption
process it would be illegal, she said no that the practices that adoption agencies
are both legal and ethical and that is why they are used.
Question: So do you feel that because of a child’s race or gender you can ethically ask
for more money from the adoptive parents.
Annemarie: Annemarie wanted to make sure I understood that it is legal to ask
for more money depending on gender and race because of a higher demand in
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the certain genders and race. (This is where Annemarie told be se had a
costumer in the lobby waiting for her.)
I asked her if there was any way she could call me back to finish the interview because I still
had a couple questions for her and she told me she would try to find time to contact me.
After a week and a half of waiting I decided Annemarie would not be contacting me. The
interview with Annemarie told me that when it comes to unethical concerns they are not
open to answer questions. Annemarie was impatient and did not want to go into detail
about her answers, but however did give some.
A Birthmother’s Wishes
(In person interview with Danny king October 2012)
Question: Danny can you please explain to me your experience with the adoption
process?
Danny "Well when I was 17 years of age I found that I need a hysterectomy and
would not have the opportunity to have children. At the time it killed me I was
upset having dreams of having children of my own and being a mother, but it
hurt more when I got married and my husband wanted children as well and I
could not have them. Finally after a two years of marriage, we decided it was
time to look into the adoption process I had been saving up for this since the
surgery so that one day I could have a child of my own. When we started at the
adoption agency (wishes not to have adoption agency named) it was a slow
process getting cleared to be acceptable to adopt a child all the paper work and
information we had to give out. Almost a year later a mother contacted the
agency and picked us out of a book to be the parents of her unborn daughter.
Kate was 5 months pregnant. We went to all the doctors’ appointments and Kate
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was scared and nervous. The adoption agency and arranged for us to fly her in
from out of state so her family was not with her, not even the dad of the child.
The day came when Kate was in labor. Kate allowed me to be in the delivery
room; There were some complications and I was asked to leave the room the
delivery ended in an emergency cesarean. When all was done I was allowed to
go see her. Kate was holding the baby girl and as she went to hand the baby over
to me, she said I need $ 500 dollars and she is yours, We had already finished
paying the adoption fees, so knowing this is illegal, I walked out of the room. our
adoption agent was there and I told her of this problem and she said they would
try to talk to her, and the next morning I got a call from our adoption agency
telling us they could put the money down to our bill and pay her out separately.
Knowing that this is illegal as well, I walked away from the adoption. In the end I
was out the money but more importantly I was out the little girl we were
promised.
Question: Did you see any red flags during your adoption that showed you that the
adoption agency you were working with used unethical and illegal practices.
Danny: No, absolutely n; they were a good company to work with and their
reviews were all good. I feel as if they tried to push this through to make money
however.
Red Flags
Many adoption agencies are legitimate and can help you follow your dream however there
are some that you need to look out for because they are unethical and do practice some
techniques that are illegal. Here are some ways to watch out for the unethical adoption
agencies.
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Do your homework. Research the adoption agency through the Better Business Bureau.
Find out if the agency as its own accreditation or if it works under the accreditation of
another. It is better to choose an agency with its on accreditation and license.
Learn if the staff is paid salary or hourly. Find out how the 14 agency's staffers are paid.
If their pay is determined by how many adoptions they complete, rather by a salary if
they are paid by the amount of adoption they complete they may push through illegal or
illegitimate adoptions. Avoid agencies that subcontract out their adoption services or
pay employees per adoption.
Ask about Agency reviews and policies. Ask the agency for a list of services they
provide, along with the___14 adoption fees and expense you will be charged. For an
international adoption, ask what costs may be involved, translation fees, driver. If an
agency wants you to pay most or all the fees upfront, it could be an indication that the
agency is trying to defraud you. It is better to go with an agency that only requires a
small deposit upfront, with the other fees to be paid after each service provided.
Be cautious. Ask for a list showing where every penny of your adoption money will go.
If the agency refuses to provide the list or tries to talk its way around giving it to you,
take this as a giant red flag.
Read a little. If you learn that they adoption agency has had lawsuits filed against them,
has had out of court settlements filed against them, or has had complaints or reports
filed against them with the BBB or the Attorney General's Office. ( e- how mom )
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CONCLUSIONS
1) knowing where you are adopting from is a very important part of your process.
2) ethics in adoption are an important part of how smoothly your adoption will go.
3) unethical business practices happen every day in adoption agencies.
4) legal definitely does not mean ethical. every day in the adoption process practices
happen that are unethical
5) the adoption process is a brilliant ability we have but it is not always treated as well as it
should.
RESOLUTION
My resolution if you are looking to adopt you have to be carful the world is full of people who
are unethical and the adoption agencies are not exempt but when adopting a Child it should
have more care and respect in the process then there is, even though a child is tiny and cannot
speak for him or herself they are still a human being and they should be treated ethically. When
working with an adoption agency look for red flags, research the agency before contacting
them, know your concerns and confront the agency if they arise.
Utah Families who want to adopt in Utah can get information about adoption through visiting
the online web site for the Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS), Utah's Adoption
Connection, The Adoption Exchange or a licensed child-placing agency.
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I have researched some good adopting agencies in my area they are.
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Heart to heart adoption agency http://www.hearttoheartadopt.com/
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Act of love adoption agency http://aguardianangel.net
I have also researched some adoption agencies in my area you should stay away from.
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A child’s dream www.achildsdream.org
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Americas adoption agency www.americasadoptionagency.com
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SOURCES
ACD
Smom232 2012 story taken from adoptionagencyratings.com in October 2012
ACD
Mother 306 2011 ACD story taken adoptionagencyratings.com October 2012
ACD
hopefull123 ACD story taken adoptionagencyratings.com in October 2012
ACD
Greens 5 2012 taken from adoptionagencyratigs.com October 2012
Guardian
A guardian angel review’s taken http://www.heartoheartadopt.com
Heart
Heart to heart adopting agency reviews http://www.heartoheartadopt.com November
2012
Iadoptee
Written from http://www.allaboutadoption.com
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