AUTISM AND SEXUALITY
Observations on Succeeding in the Challenges
of Intimate Relationships for People
on the Autism Spectrum
Autism One Conference
27-30 May 2008
Chicago, IL
Presented by
Stephen M. Shore, Ed. D.
www.AutismAsperger.net
Christina Adams
www.ChristinaAdamsWriter.com
1
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Introduction – Stephen Shore
The Autism Bomb
Loss of
speech
&
tantrums
Self-stims
Environmental
withdrawal
2
THE AUTISM SPECTRUM
Severe
Moderate
Light
Increasing Variability of Presentation
Kanner’s
PDD-NOS
HFA/AS
Rosenn, D. (1997). “Rosenn wedge”. From Aspergers: What we have learned in the ‘90s conference in Westboro, MA. Used with permission
T w i c e
E x c e p t i o n a l i t y
3
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Introduction – Stephen Shore
AGE
E
V
E
N
T
S
0
1.5
2.5
4
6
8
10
13
19
Typical
development
Turn over at
8 days
Rapid
physical and
motor
development
Autism
bomb hits
Withdrawal
from
environment
Tantrums
Putnam
evaluation
of atypical
developme
nt, strong
autistic
tendencies
& psychotic
Early
intervention
from
parents who
refute
recommend
ations for
removal
from home
Enter
Putnam
Condition
improves to
“neurotic”
The
wonderful
world of
watch
motors
Echolalia
and return
of speech
Eating
baby food
Kindergarten
Social &
academic
difficulties
Discovered
making a
mess of
myself
while eating
BBQ
chicken
wings
Loved cats
but dogs…
Yikes bikes!
Cracking
rocks
Special
interests in
astronomy
and weather
Teacher
concerns for
reading and
math
difficulties
Concern
about
dropping the
letter “e.”
My friend
says “he
feels like a
pizza” and I
argue with
him that he
does not
look like a
pizza and
probably
does not
feel like one
either
Middle and
high school
Finally
getting it
together but
still often in
left field
Discovering
the band
room
Time to
focus more
on people
and not their
bicycles
College
More
friends
Dating
Others
really
do
think
differen
tly
Utopia!
Completed a doctoral dissertation on
comparative approaches for working
with children on the autism spectrum
4
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Introduction – Christina Adams
5
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex - Myths of Sexuality - Peter Gerhardt
Common Myths
• Persons with autism…
- have little to no interest in sex
- are hypersexual
- are solely heterosexual
So… How can we help
people on the autism
spectrum deal with this
important part of life?
But the Truth is…
• Persons with autism are as diverse
sexually as everyone else
- and, sexuality education is
complicated by challenges in
language, communication, and
social differences.
While sexual feelings and
interest may be high, a primary
information source is usually not
available – non-spectrum teens
(Volkmar & Wiesner, 2003).
- With proper support people with
autism can have relationships;
often with a person having a
difference.
6
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex - The Tapestry of Sexuality
Sexuality is a part of life and is as developmentally
appropriate for people with autism as anyone else.
Heterosexuality
Homosexuality
Bisexuality
Asexuality
Everyone has a piece of each. It’s just a matter of degree.
7
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex - Topics to Cover - Peter Gerhardt
1. Public versus private behavior
2. Good touch versus bad touch
3. Proper names for body parts
4. Slang names for body parts
5. Personal boundaries
6. Masturbation
7. Social skills and relationship building
8. Avoiding danger and abuse prevention
9. Dating skills
10. Personal responsibilities and values
8
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Circle of Relationships
Stranger
Acquaintance
Friend
Family -->Significant
other
Passerby,
Classmate, Coworker,
Fellow Commuter
Neighbor
Classmate, Coworker
Close Neighbor
Classmate, Coworker
Mom, Dad,
Sibling, Other
Boy/Girlfriend,
Fiancé, Spouse
Develop a social
narrative
9
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Friendship, Romance, and all that “Other Stuff” - Teresa Bolick, Ph. D.
Before you talk about sex you need to talk about closeness
1.
Listening is the most important skill for friendship and romance.
2.
Good hygiene is probably the second most important skill.
3.
Close friends talk with each other about life experiences.
4.
Close friends can “agree to disagree.”
5.
The most important part of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is “friend.”
6.
Showing interest in another person is a terrific way to flirt.
7.
Being “revved up” can get in the way of friendship and romance.
10
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Friendship, Romance, and all that “Other Stuff” - Teresa Bolick, Ph. D.
8.
Never touch a friend unless he or she says it’s all right.
9.
If you feel uncomfortable about someone’s actions (or your own), tell a
trusted adult.
10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST, “Stop” means “Stop” and “No” means “No.”
Those with autism are people too…
Perhaps just more so.
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AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
When?
Look for signs of interest
•
Suggestive clothing
•
Stickers
•
Books and magazines
•
Questions and comments
•
Signs of Masturbation
Great subject for
incidental teaching!
Life-long conversation
12
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
How?
Sex is a normal yet a very private act and is clean.
•
Discuss in a developmentally appropriate manner
Find the balance between not too much and not too little
•
Make sure you understand the question(s) being asked
•
Explain in a matter of fact manner
13
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
Helpful Hints for Discussion
•
Use simple visual aides to help explain male and female anatomical
functions
- People with autism tend to be visual.
•
Sex is a part of growing up to be discussed at the proper place and time
•
Responsibility in…
- Seeking
- Having
- Respecting the wishes of potential and actual partners
14
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Jerry Newport
Helpful Hints for Discussion
•
Validate feelings of…
- Fear
- Possible loneliness from being left out socially
° For women especially — using sex as a way of gaining acceptance
•
Share your own experiences as appropriate…
- Successes
- Mistakes
•
You are there to provide nonjudgmental support in times of…
- Further questions
- Emergencies
15
AUTISM
&
SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Masturbation - Peter Gerhardt
Redirecting Inappropriate Masturbation
1.
Interrupt the behavior as early in the chain as possible
2.
Remind the individual as to the parameters of time and place
3.
Redirect the person to…
A.
activities requiring the use of both hands
B.
activities requiring preferred levels of attention, focus, or physical
movement
C.
the appropriate place for that activity
4.
Make the alternate activity intrinsically reinforcing
5.
Consider scheduling “alone time” in their room if appropriate
6.
Avoid redirection to places other than an individual’s bedroom (e.g.
bathroom)
16
Helping Sam Get a Date - Case Study
—Relationships—
Sam is 16 years old, plays the tuba, and has recently taken notice of a cute flute
player in the band. He has shared with you that he would like to get to know her
“better.” Sam has told you a number of time he would like to see “more” of her
and you sense that he just can’t quite bring himself to say that he wants an
intimate relationship. He’s even talked about the possibility of marrying her. Sam
also revealed to you that she declined his offer to take her out for a hamburger.
As Sam’s confidant, what are some things that you can suggest to Sam about
romantic relationships and how he might be able to get a date?
•
Please do the following…
1. describe what and how you will tell him about intimate relationships, and,
2. suggest how he might increase his chances of success for a date, and,
3. how to tell if she is not interested and what to do about it.
17
FRIENDSHIP, DATING, & SEXUALITY
Talking About Sex – Resources
Aston, M., The other half of Asperger Syndrome.
Hénault, I., Asperger’s Syndrome and sexuality: From adolescence through
adulthood.
Hendrickx, S. Love, sex and long-term relationships: What people with Asperger
Syndrome really really want.
Lawson, W., Sex, sexuality and the autism spectrum.
Mesibov, G., The TEACCH approach to autism spectrum disorders.
Newport, J. & Newport, M., Autism-Asperger’s and sexuality: Puberty and
beyond.
Shore, S., & Rastelli, L., Understanding autism for dummies.
Sicile-Kira, C., Autism spectrum disorders: The complete guide to understanding
autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, pervasive developmental disorders, and
others ASDs.
Wrobel, M., Taking care of myself: A hygiene, puberty, and personal curriculum
for young people with autism.
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