- School of Rock –
- Whoa, nobody caught me. That was lame.
- I don’t think he’s moving.
- He is a lazy, freeloader, and it’s time for all this dysfunction to stop.
- Can’t we, can’t we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.
- Ned, aren’t you tired of letting people push you around?
- Yes.
- Then get in there and do it.
- Oh. What? What is it?
- Dewey, hey… it’s the first of the month and… I would like your share of the rent now, please.
- Oh, man, you know I don’t have it. You wake me up for that? Come on, man.
- Sorry. Dewey, I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
- Yeah, try $2,200.
- ok, you guys? The band is about to hit it big time. We’re gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when
I’m rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.
- Oh, give it up. Your band has never made two cents.
- Patty, come on, I’m on this.
- Oh, you’re on this? You’re on this? He’s walking all over you.
- Mommy, could we please talk about this later?
- No, we can’t talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We
contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of this city, hello?
- Why? Can you get her out of here, please? Why? Why her?
- And Ned has the most important job there is.
- Temping?
- Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp.
- He’s a baby-sitter.
- Oh, yeah? You think it’s so easy? Well, I’d like to see you try. You wouldn’t last one day.
- Dude, I service society by rocking, ok? I’m out there on the front lines liberating people with my
music. Rocking ain’t no walk in the park, lady.
- All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rest by the end
of the week, he’s out of here.
- Dewey, I’m not paying your share of the rent, so, I don’t know. I mean, maybe you should sell one
of your guitars or something.
- What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?
- Oh, my God. He’s an idiot.
- Dude…
- I’ve been mooching off you for years, and it’s never been a problem until she showed up. Just
dump her, man.
- Yeah, well, if you don’t come up with some money, she’s gonna dump me, she’s fed up.
- Really? Because that would be a good thing. She’s a nightmare.
- Come on. I may never have another girlfriend… I mean, just come on. Come up with some
money, please. Please.
- ok. For you. Not for her, man. For you.
- Thank you.
- Hey. Hey. What’s up? Is that a new song? Who’s this guy?
- Dewey… We’re taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.
- Good, cause I need the money. Now listen, my feeling is, if we’re gonna win this thing, we’ve got
to actually start playing some music.
- I agree. You’re fired.
- And your lyrics… don’t take this the wrong way… are lame. But I’ve been sitting on some
awesome material, so…
- Dewey, did you hear what I said? We voted. You’re out. This is Spider, he’s replacing you.
- What’s up, dawg?
- I was gonna tell you last night, Dewey, but you passed out, man.
- Ok, you’re gonna kick me out of the band, huh? You’re gonna fire me? Well, this is my band. I
brought us together.
- Theo wanted you out, man, and there’s nothing I could do.
- Oh, shut up, man. You voted him out too. I didn't tell you what to do. Dewey, listen to me. You’re
a good guitar player. But it’s, it’s the 20-minutes solos. It’s the stage dives. We’re trying to land a
record deal here, man, and you’re an embarrassment.
- Read between the lines, Theo. Read between the lines.
- Dewey, man, I hope this doesn’t come between us. Like, I care about you, man.
- You guys, you know what? You’re nuts. You’re all nuts. You’ve been focused so hard on making
it, you forgot about one little thing.. it’s called the music. And I don’t even care. You know what? So
what. I don’t wanna hang out with a bunch of wanna-be corporate sellouts. I’m gonna form my own
band and we are gonna start a revolution, ok? And you’re gonna be a funny little footnote on my
epic ass. I feel sorry for you guys. Yes. Yeah, it’s a 1968 Gibson SG. Mint condish. No. That’s all?
Well, that’s a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. Hello? Yeah.
- Is this Mr. Schneebly?
- Nah, he’s not here.
- Oh. Could you take a message for me?
- Yeah.
- Hi. My name is Rosalie Mullins. I’m the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we are having a
little emergency here. One of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all
of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a
call. Do you know if he’s available?
- How long is the gig?
- Excuse me?
- How long is the job?
- My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
- So how much are we talking here?
- We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
- Hold on a sec. Oh, you know what? I think he’s just coming in right in… Ned, phone. Hello, this is
Ned Schneebly.
- Pat faxed me your resume. It’s very impressive. We’ve never been in a bind like this before, so
thank you so much.
-So how’s this gonna work? Are you gonna pay me up front?
- I don’t understand.
- It would be really great if I could get paid now in cash.
- Oh. Well. We don’t do that.
- ok, well when you cut my check, just make it payable to Dewey Finn, for tax reasons.
- You can discuss all of that with Candace in Administration, at the end of the day.
- ok, when’s the end of the day?
- We commence at 8:15, and school lets out at 3:00.
- Uh-oh. You know what? Do you think I could cut out a little early today? I got some stuff I got to
do. It’s cool. I can stay.
- Mr. Schneebly… this is considered the best elementary school in the state, and we maintain that
reputation by adhering to a strict code of conduct… faculty included.
- You know what? You don’t have to worry about me because I’m a hard-ass, and if a kid gets out
of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.
- No. No, no, We don’t use corporal punishment here.
- ok, so just verbal abuse?
- Mr. Schneebly, if you have any problems with any of your students, you just send them to me.
I will do the disciplining.
- Check.
- Children… please take your seats. Everyone, I’d like to introduce Ms. Dunham’s substitute. This
is Mr. Schneebly. Why don’t you write your name on the board.
- Yes. Yes, I will. You know what? Why don’t you call just call me Mr. S.
- Mr.S has never taught here at Horace Green, so I want you all to be on your best behavior. So
the curriculum is on the desk. And do you have any questions?
- Yeah, when’s lunch?
- The children just had their lunch. Is there anything else you need?
- I’m a teacher. All I need are minds for molding.
- All right, then. Well, thanks again. You saved the day.
- ok, who’s got food in here? You’re not gonna get in trouble. I’m hungry. You. What do you got?
That’s what I’m talking about. Ok. Teach. Teach. Teach. All right, look, here’s the deal. I’ve got a
hangover. Who knows what that means?
- Doesn’t that mean you’re drunk?
- No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
- It means you’re an alcoholic.
- Wrong.
- You wouldn’t come to work hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease.
- What’s your name?
- Freddy Jones.
- Freddy Jones, shut up.
- Shut up.
- The point is, you all can just chill today. We’ll start on this crap-ola tomorrow. Yes, Tinkerbell?
- Summer. As class factotum, first, I’d like to just say welcome to Horace Green.
- Thank you.
- Do you have any questions about our schedule? Cause usually now Ms. Dunham teaches
vocabulary, then gives us a pop quiz, then she’ll split us up into our reading groups. Track B is…
- ok, hey, hey, hey. Miss Dumbum ain’t your teacher today, I am, and I got a headache and the
runs, so I say… time for recess.
- But Mr.S, that poster charts everyone’s performance. We get gold stars when we master the
material covered in class. How do we get gold stars if we just have recess?
- What are these black dots here?
- Demerits.
- What kind of a sick school is this? As long as I’m here, there will be no grades or gold stars or
demerits. We’re gonna have recess all the time.
- Whoo.
- But, Ms. Dunham only gives us recess for 15 minutes.
- Hey. You’re not hearing me, girl. I’m in charge now. Ok? And I say recess. Go. Play and have fun
now.
- Nice.
- Now you don’t want me to have to call your parents, do you? It’s all right, Emily, don’t cry. Just try
to be a bit more conscientious. Would you like a hug?
- I’ll be good, I swear.
- All right, well, that’s fine, Emily. You’re excused.
- Yes, we did it. We did it, come on. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some
of that. Yeah. I will see you cats on the flip flop. Later.
- I heard she slipped in the bathroom.
- Yes, yes, but we’ve got, of course, a wonderful new substitute who comes very highly
recommended. Mr. Schneebly?
- Yeah.
- Mr. Schneebly?
- Hold on, buddy.
- Oh, my God. You’ve got to be kidding me.
- Oh, man, this guy sucks, man.
- You’ve gotta call him.
- Call him? Yeah right.
- ok. Yes, you can be in my band. But, Ned… no power plays, man. I’ve got vision up the butt, so
just go with it.
- No thanks.
- You’re not a teacher, Ned. You’re the cross-dressing, blood-sucking incubus from Maggot Death.
That’s the real you.
- Dewey, I’m not a satanic sex-god anymore. I’m a working stiff and that’s cool.
- She’s got your brainwashed, man.
- Can you see that I’m working?
- That’s terrific. But who are you, babe? This is my apartment, babe.
- Oh… Not if you don’t pay your rent, it’s not. Get a job.
- I got a job, ok? I’m gonna have your rent by the end of the week. Go tell the mayor.
- You got a job. Doing what?
- I do what Ned does, I’m temping.
- I’m not a temp. I’m a sub. And soon I’ll be a certified teacher.
- Come on, man, one show, $20,000 prize…we split it 60/40. Grab your bass and come back to the
garage, brother. I mean, don’t you miss rocking out?
- Dewey, if you think anyone in their right mind is gonna want to be in a band with you, you’re more
delusional than I thought.
- Dewey, you know, maybe it’s time to give up those dreams. I did, and things are going really
great for me.
- Are you gonna teach us anything or are we just gonna sit here?
- Just do whatever you want.
- I wanna learn from my teacher.
- Besides that. Freddy, what do you like to do?
- I don’t know, burn stuff?
- Just go out and have recess.
- My parents don’t spend $15,000 a year for recess.
- What, you wanna learn something?
- Yes, I do.
- What, you want me to teach you something? You wanna learn something? All right, here's a
useful lesson for you. Give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can’t win. Yeah, you can try. But
in the end, you’re just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the man.
- Who?
- The man? Oh, you don’t know the man? Well, he’s everywhere. In the White House, down the
hall.. Miss Mullins, she’s the man. And the man ruined the ozone, and he’s burning down the
Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank, ok? And there used to be a way
to stick it to the man. It was called Rock and Roll. But guess what? Oh, no. The man ruined that too
with a little thing called MTV. So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or
awesome, cause the man’s just gonna call you a fat, washed-up loser and crush your soul. So do
yourselves a favor and just give up. Oh.
- Mr. Schneebly, it’s after 10:00. On Tuesdays, the children have music class now.
- Right, ok. Good work, people. We will continue with our lecture on the man when we return.
Have a good music class.
- Mr.S, what’s going on?
- I heard you in music class. You guys can really play. Why didn’t anyone tell me? You… what’s
your name?
- Zack.
- You play the guitar?
- Yeah.
- ok, come here. You ever play the electric guitar?
- My dad won’t let me. He thinks it’s a waste of time.
- A waste of… Try this one. Ok, here’s a guitar pick. You pluck along with me, ok, if you can. Yes.
Yes. Ok, you stay right there. Don't move. Piano man? Front and center. What’s your name?
- Lawrence.
- Lawrence, you ever played keyboards? Any techno?
- No, I only play piano.
- ok. All right, fair enough. Try this out for me, ok? Just give this a try on my count, all right? 1,2,3,4.
Yes. Stop. That’s perfect. You’re perfect. Stay right there. Ok? You. Could you come up here
please? What was your name?
- Katie.
- What was that thing you were playing today, the big thing?
- Cello.
- ok, this is a bass guitar, and it’s the exact same thing but instead of playing like this, you tip it on
the side, chello, you’ve got a bass. Try it on. Ok, now play this note right here, that’s a G. ok. But
let your fingers do the rocking. Keep that G coming all day long. G, G, G, G, G, G, G. Good, stop.
Are there any drummers in the house?
- I play percussion.
- That’s because you couldn’t play anything else.
- Shut up.
- Come here, dude. Just see if you can do what I do, ok? Just give it a try. Ok? Give that a try. Ok.
That’s really good. Just stay right here. All right, ok. Lawrence, give me a G note. With the fifth
above it, and the middle one. No middle on, I changed my mind. Now go on octave below. Now
give me some rhythm. And keep that same rhythm… go. Ok, Katie, remember that note I thought
you, the G? Play it, but also keep it rocking, good. Ok, give me like a… like a chung chigga, chung
chigga, chung chigga,….Good. ok, no. That’s bad. That’s like George of the Jungle. Play it up here
on the cymbal but really light. Oh, that’s it. Ok, keep going with that, Zack. You remember this thing
I taught you a minute ago? It goes like… Yes. Yes. All right, let’s go. All right, stop, stop. You guys.
Hey, you guys, stop messing around. We’ve got a lot of work to do. Ok, people, pay attention
because I do not want to have to fail you.
- I thought you didn’t believe in grades.
- Of course I believe in grades. I was testing you and you passed. Good work, Summer. Four-anda-half gold stars for you. Now, listen, you guys, you know what? Normal kids would have been
stoked to slack off, but not you guys, cause you’re not normal. You’re special. And because I think
you guys have the right attitude, I think it’s time we started our new class project.
- A science project?
- No. It’s called… Rock Band.
- Is this a school project?
- Yes. And it’s a requirement. And it may sound easy… but nothing could be harder. It will test your
head and your mind and your brain, too.
- Will other schools be competing?
- You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top
prize.
- What’s the prize?
- A win will go on your permanent record. Hello, Harvard, yo? The thing is, we’re not supposed to
get started until next quarter, but I think we should get a leg up on the competition, don’t you?
- I do.
- Who else wants to go for the gold?
- I do.
- Yeah.
- All right, but if anyone finds out what we’re doing in here, we’ll be disqualified. So let’s just keep it
on the down-low, shall we?
- Can we tell our parents?
- No. They don’t wanna know anything about this. Keep it zipped. All right, you guys, let’s kick it
into overdrive.
- What are the rest of us supposed to do?
- You just sit back and enjoy the magic of rock.
- You mean, we’re not in the band?
- Now, hold up now. Just cause you’re not in the band doesn’t mean you’re not in the band. We
need backup singers. Who can sing? You, sing. Yes. Stop. You’ve got it, and I don’t even know
what it is, but you've got it. And that’s why you’re in the band. You, sing. Stop, before I start crying
because I found the missing ingredient. You’re in the band.
- I can sing.
- You can? All right, Summer, belt it. Stop. Stop. Ok. Good. That’s pretty good. All right.
- I can also play clarinet, you know.
- I’ll find something for you. When we get back from lunch, I’ll assign the rest of you killer positions.
- Thank you.
- You’re welcome. There you go.
- Thank you.
- You’re welcome.
- Mr. Schneebly?
- Yeah? Hey, what’s up?
- I don’t think I should be in the band.
- Why not?
- I’m not cool enough. People in bands are cool. I’m not cool.
- Dude, you are cool. The way you play. Why do you say you’re not cool?
- Nobody ever talks to me.
- Well, those days are over, buddy, cause you could be the ugliest sad sack on the planet, but if
you’re in a rocking band, you’re the cat’s pajamas, man, you’re the bee’s knees.
- Bee’s knees?
- Yeah, the bee’s knees. You’re gonna be the most popular guy in school. Trust me.
- ok. I’ll do it.
- Now, listen, this is a big commitment now. You don’t just say yes if you’re gonna flake out later.
- I won’t.
- Larry? Welcome to my world. Boom.
- ok.
- Boom, a couple of these. Now, here.
- ok.
- Now give me a platform. Let’s rock, let’s rock today.
- Now do it to me.
- Let’s rock, let’s rock today.
- That’s good. Slap it. Shoot it. Kaboot it. We’re gonna work on that some more later. It’s a very
long shake. Get going. Good knuckle crack. Lead guitar… Zack Attack. Take a seat. On bass,
Posh Spice. On keyboards, Mr. Cool. And on drums, Spazzy McGee. Ok, Blondie, Brace Face,
you’re singing backup. All right, Tough Guy, Shortstop… Fancy Pants, get over here. You guys are
on security detail. Your job is to make sure no one outside this room knows what we’re dong in
here. The future of the band depends on you. Ok, your first mission, soundproofing this room. Get
on it.
- Can I be the band’s stylist instead?
- Of course you can, Fancy Pants. Ok. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub, we are gonna have a
lot of equipment. We’re talking amps, electric guitars, maybe even lasers and smoke machines.
Now, your job is to master the transportation and operation of this technology. Seriously, without a
first-rate roadie crew, we’ll never have a psychedelic show, and I can’t live with that, ok? I’m
counting on you. Get going. Go. All right. You three… groupies, and your job is simple. Just
worship the band. And you’re gonna be making hats, you’re gonna be making T-shirts… all kind of
merchandise. Which leads me to your first assignment. Naming the band.
- Yes.
- All right. Sit down. As for me, I will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.
- Wait. Isn’t this a student project?
- What’s your point?
- Are you supposed to be in the band?
- What, you wanna get rid of me? Why, because I’m old? You hate teachers, is that what you’re
about?
- No.
- ok, well, teachers like to play, too. And not only am I gonna play, I’m El Capitano, and what I say
goes, so put your hands over your hearts. I pledge allegiance
- I pledge allegiance
- to the band
- to the band
- of Mr. Schneebly,
- of Mr. Schneebly,
- and will not fight him
- and will not fight him
- for creative control,
- for creative control,
- and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.
- and will defer him……
- Let’s get rocking.
- Yeah.
- Morning, Summer.
- Groupie?
- What’s the matter?
- You want me to be a groupie?
- Well, groupie is an important job.
- I research groupies on the Internet. They’re sluts. They sleep with the band.
- No. That’s not true. They’re like cheerleaders.
- I don’t wanna be a cheerleader. Look, my mother is a room parent and she’s not gonna be happy
when she hears about this.
- ok, listen. I didn’t wanna say this in front of the other kids cause I didn’t wanna make them jealous,
but I made a special position just for you. And it’s the most important job of all. Band manager.
- Band manager?
- Oh, yeah.
- What’s that?
- Well, I’m gonna be busy rocking out, so it’s up to you to make sure everyone is doing their job.
Summer.. you’re in charge of everything.
- ok.
- ok. All right. Look alive. Listen up. First thing you do, when you start a band…
- Mr. Schneebly, before we start, shouldn’t I first take attendance?
- ok, fine.
- ok. Now… Michelle?
- Here.
- ok. And Marco.
- Here.
- ok.
- Summer. Here. Let’s see. Tomika?
- ok, we’re all here. Look, the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences.
That’s how you figure out what kind of band you wanna be. So, who do you like? Blondie?
- Christina Aguilera.
- Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
- Puff Daddy.
- Wrong. Billy?
- Liza Minelle?
- What are you..? You guys. This project is called “Rock Band.” I’m talking about bands that rock.
Led Zeppelin. Don’t tell me you guys have never gotten the Led out. Jimmy Page? Robert Plant?
Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motorhead? Oh, what do they teach in this place?
Summer… you’re the class whatever, go to the board.
- “Factotum.”
- Factotor. New schedule. 8:15 to 10:00, Rock history. 10:00 to 11:00, Rock Appreciation and
Theory. And then band practice until the end of the day.
- What about math?
- No. Not important.
- World cultures?
- Not important. You guys, we need to focus here. Don’t you wanna win this contest? It’s
prestigious.
- Question. How are we being graded in all this? I mean, since I’m band manager and I have the
most responsibility, wouldn't….
- Summer, if you grade-grub one more time, I will send you back to the first grade, you got it? Back
to your seat now.
- Fine.
- What are we gonna play?
- You don’t have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.
- Let’s hear it.
- What?
- Let’s hear your song.
- You wanna hear my song? I’ll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. The thing is, I just want you
to keep in mind, I wrote it in, like, 15 minutes and… it’s not done yet, and you might not like it….
- Just play the song, Schneebly.
- ok, I will sing it for you, but… let me just get in the zone. I was not planning on unveiling it, but I
will sing it. Tip of the tongue, teeth and the lips. Ok. It starts off… a dark stage and then a beam of
light and you can see me and my guitar. And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles.
Roadies, that means dry ice. We gonna talk about this later. Chimes, Freddy. Then, Katie, you
come in with the bass. And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. Ok? And then, shh…
Hawaii Five-O. You ever see that show? ok, well, there’s a drum solo in it that goes… And then,
that’s where I want the backup singers to be, like…. Boom. Big ol’ explosion. Some, like, congfetti
comes down. Anyway, that’s all I got so far… it’s a work in progress.
- I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought It was really catchy.
- Thank you.
- Mr.S? We came up with some names for the band.
- Yeah? Hit me.
- The Bumblebees?
- No, it’s sissy.
- The Koala Bears?
- No. What are you talking about? It’s too sissy. Ok, girls, I need to speak with Principal Mullins for
a moment. Hey, Miss Mullins. Hello. How’s it going?
- How about Pig Rectum?
- Shh…
- Michelle.
- It’s a science project. Never mind. Listen, Ros, I was thinking about organizing a field trip for the
kids at the end of the month. What do you think about that?
- Well, substitutes, as a rule, do not organize field trips.
- Right, but I figure I’m gonna be here for a while so…
- Well, that remains to be seen. Have you met some of our other teachers?
- No, but listen, don’t you think the kids could learn by getting out of the classroom?
- You know, it’s more complicated than that, all right? There’s safety issues. Parents need to be
notified, all right? It’s against school policy.
- Mr.S, I have a lot of ideas. How about, everybody in magenta with beads and sequins?
- Billy, Billy, can’t you see I’m talking to Principal Mullins?
- Oh, hi.
- William?
- I’ll make up some samples.
- Everyone? This is Ned Schneebly. He’s covering for Gail. This is Gabe Green. He teaches
second.
- Hello.
- Jane Lemmons, fourth.
- Hey, there.
- Bob’s our PE teacher. And Roberta is our librarian.
- How do you do?
- Would you care to join us, Mr. Schneebly?
- Yeah.
- Did I say that correctly? Schneebly?
- Actually, it’s Schnayblay.
- We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective? The TASS or the WilsonBinet?
- I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.
- Gabe.
- Gabe. I believe that the children are the future. Now, listen, you can teach them well, but, buddy,
you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children’s laughter just remind us how we used to be.
That’s what I decided, long ago.
- Isn’t that a song?
- No. I don’t think so. No.
- No?
- No, it isn’t. All right, good. Stop. Ok Freddy, that was awesome. You’re rocking, but it’s a little
sloppy Joe. Tighten up the screws, ok? Zack, dude, what’s up with the stiffness man? You’re
looking.. a little robotronic. Ok? Let’s grease up the hinges, and listen.. loosey-goosey, baby,
loosey-goosey.
- I’m just playing it the way you told me.
- I know, and you know what? It’s perfect. But the thing is, rock is about the passion, man. Where’s
the joy? You’re the lead guitarist and we are counting on you for some style, brother. So try this out.
This is an ancient technique. It’s called “power stance.” That’s it. Power stance. You own the
universe. Now give me an E chord. Just go…Ugh. But let me hear, “Ugh”.
- Ugh.
- Yeah, now raise your goblet of rock. It’s a toast to those who rock. Now smile and nod your head
and let me see your eyeballs wide like there’s something wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Do it again. Give me
that… That’s what I’m talking about. Ok, let’s do it again from “You’re not hardcore.” 1,2,3. Yeah.
Now we’re rocking. Your homework is to listen to some real music. Get inspired. For Blondie,
Blondie. For Lawrence, Yes. That’s the name of the band. Listen to the keyboard solo on
“Roundabout.” It will blow the classical music out your butt. Ok, for you, Rush. 2112. Neil Peart.
One of the great drummers of all time. Study up.
- Are we gonna be goofing off like this every day?
- We’re not goofing off. We're creating musical fusion.
- Well, are we gonna be creating musical fusion every day?
- Yeah. Get used to it. Ok, and for you, Jimi Hendrix. Axis Bold As Love. Dude, are you psyched
about the new project?
- Sure.
- Sure? Hey. Wait a minute. What’s up, man? Are you the… You’re the lead guitarist of an
unbelievable rock band. This is a dream come true for you.
- ok.
- All right. I’ll see you.
- Mr. S?
- Hey, Tomika, what’s up?
- I don’t wanna be a roadie.
- What? Why not? It’s an important job. All right. Well… You wanna be… Security?
- I wanna be a singer.
- A singer? Ok. Sing me something. Tomica, I can’t let you be a singer if you can’t sing. Oh, my
goodness. Nice pipes, Tomika. Why didn’t you raise your hand when I was looking for singers?
You’re in. Welcome aboard. Oh, ok. Perfect. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon. Listen to the vocal
solo on “The Great Gig in the Sky.” All right? All right. Off to work. Bye-bye.
- You can play your music after you finish your homework, after you finish your chores, but not until
then. Zack. Zack, do not walk away from me when I’m talking to you. It’s very rude. All right? Last
thing. You do your guitar after your homework and chores and only what Miss Schoncott gives you,
all right? No more rock music. Ok?
- ok.
- All right, get to class. Watch that attitude.
- Do you have another blanket?
- All right. Everybody, class has begun. And you know what? You guys have been doing real good
in here, and if I was gonna give you a grade, I would give you an A. But that’s the problem. Rock
ain’t about doing things perfect. Who can tell me what it’s really about? Frankie?
- Scoring chicks?
- No. See? No. Eleni?
- Getting wasted.
- Come on. No. Leonard.
- Sticking it to the man?
- Yes. But you can’t just say it, man. You got to feel it in your blood and guts. If you wanna rock,
you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at the man, and right now I’m the man. That’s right,
I’m the man, and who’s got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who’s gonna tell me off?
- Shut the hell up, Schneebly.
- That’s it, Freddy. That’s it. Who can top him?
- Get ouf of here, stupid ass.
- Yes, Alicia.
- You’re a joke. You’re the worst teacher I’ve ever had.
- Summer. That is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.
- Thank you.
- You’re a fat loser and you have body odor.
- All right. All right. Now is everyone nice and pissed off?
- Yeah.
- Good. Time to write a rock song. Now, what makes you mad more than anything in the world?
Billy.
- You.
- Billy, we’ve already told me off. Let’s move on.
- You’re tacky and I hate you.
- ok, you see me after class. You. Gordon.
- No allowance.
- “I didn’t get no allowance today. So now I’m really ticked off.” You know what I mean? What else
makes you mad? Michelle?
- Chores.
- “I had to do my chores today. So I am really ticked off. “ What else?
- Bullies.
- “ All you bullies get out of my way. Cause I am really ticked off” So what would you say to a bully?
Zack?
- I don’t know.
- Now, come on. If someone was right up in your grill, what would you say?
- I don’t know.
- If someone was pushing you around, telling you what to do, what would you say?
- Step off?
- “Step off. Step off. Step off. Step off.” Everybody.
- “Step off. Step off. Step off.”
- “If I do what you say I might turn into a robot. Do my chore day after day and they don’t want any
lip. No, So step off. Step off. Step off. Step off. Am I right? “
- “Step off. Step off. Step off. Step off.”
- All right, now that was a perfectly decent rock song. Grazie. Grazie. Oh, yeah. I was this close to
getting a chair on the Polish Philharmonic, and I nailed the audish, but I didn’t get it. Guess who did.
Yo-Yo Ma’s cousin. Little nepotis. But, anyway, I just decided to give up on myself and become a
teacher, because those that can’t do, teach. And those that can’t teach, teach gym. Am I… ? I’m
just… I’m just joshing.
- Cute.
- Hey, Mr. Schneebly.
- Hey, Zack.
- Just wanted to say, that was a really cool lesson today.
- Well, thanks, dude. I’ll see you back in class.
- ok.
- I’m just saying, name two great chick drummers.
- Sheila E? Meg White from the White Stripes?
- She can’t drum.
- She’s the better drummer than you. At least she has rhythm.
- Freddy, where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?
- It’s called punk.
- Well, it’s not school uniform.
- Mill Mullins, you’re the man.
- Thank you, Frankie. Good morning, everyone. Just a reminder. Parents Night is coming up, and I
do expect everyone to have a presentation.
- What? Oh. Oh.
- You ok?
- Sorry.
- As you know, it is the most important event of the year. The parents will be scrutinizing our every
move, so I find it’s best to over-prepare. Right? The best defense is a good offense. And Roberta,
now that I see you…
- Hey, is… is she always like that?
- Oh, yeah.
- Except for the time she got drunk at the Alumni Dinner.
- Oh, oh, oh.
- You should have seen that. She got up on the table and did a Stevie Nicks impersonation. And
she wasn’t bad. Remember, she took up the tablecloth and whirled around with it?
- that had been on the turkey tray, that touched over onto the peanut butter and jelly tray. Now, I…
I know that you know that this is a severe problem.
- Clear.
- Go, go, go. All right, you guys, is everybody ready?
- Yeah.
- Strap in. Let’s do this.
- Oh, dude, cool.
- Three worms. That’s very clever.
- In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean… ?
- Blue.
- Blue. That’s right, ok. Now, Columbus had three boats… the Nina, the…? Gordon?
- The Pinta.
- Pinta. That’s right. And… Marco?
- Santa Marina?
- The Santa Marina. That’s good. Actually, it’s the Santa Maria. Ok. Now you got… Listen. Pay
attention, kids. I’m not afraid to flunk every last one of you.
- She’s gone.
- What’s up, dude?
- Whoa. Check out these little kids, man.
- Hey, shut up.
- Oh, sorry. Thought this was the Battle of The Bands, not the… Mickey Mouse Club.
- Hey, you want a piece of me?
- Hey, look at this guy.
- Freddy? Freddy. Come on, man. We’ve got to focus up, you guys. We got to nail this audition.
- Mr. S?
- What’s up?
- I don’t think I can sing.
- What are you talking about? Come here. So, Tomika, what’s going on? What do you mean, you
can’t sing?
- I don’t feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.
- No. They can’t sing like you can. I need you in the chorus. What is it? Are you nervous? Yeah?
Why? What are you afraid of?
- They’re gonna laugh at me.
- What? Why would they laugh at you?
- I don’t know. Cause I’m fat?
- Tomika. Hey, you’ve got something everybody wants. You’ve got talent, girl. You have an
incredible singing voice, and I’m not just saying that. You heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Ok, she’s
a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people’s minds. Everybody wants to party with
Aretha. And.. you know.. who else has a weight issue?
- Who?
- Me. But once I get up onstage, start doing my thing, people worship me. Because I’m sexy… and
chubby, man.
- Why aren’t you on a diet?
- Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That’s not even the point. The
thing is, you’re a rock star now. All you got to do is you just got to go out there, just rock your heart
out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let’s just go out there, show them what you got. What do
you say?
- ok.
- Thank you. Let’s rock. Ok. We are good to go.
- No, we’re not. Freddy took off.
- What? Where?
- Some guys invited him out to their van.
- What? Come on, you guys. Freddy? Hey, have you seen a little kid, like, yea high? Huh? Dang it.
Freddy, this is your teacher talking.
- Hey, Mr. S.
- Oh, man. What’s going on here?
- Nothing. Just chilling.
- Freddy Jones, you get out of that van this instant.
- See you guys.
- Hey, man, you think you’re pretty funny, partying with an innocent little kid?
- Dude, we’re… we’re just chilling.
- That kid’s ten years old, man. He looks up to you, and you are setting an example for him, so quit
messing around, and start acting like a responsible adult. That goes for all of you guys. Don’t make
me come back here. Come on. Let’s go.
- What’s the big deal? You’re acting like my mom.
- What’s the big deal? You had me worried sick, man.
- I was just hanging out with some real rockers.
- You listen to me. Those aren’t real rockers. They’re posers. Rock ain’t about getting loaded and
acting like a jerk. Now, this is serious business here, man. We got a mission. Putting on a great
show is the most important thing you can do. One great rock show can change the world. Do you
understand me?
- Yeah.
- And if you ever scare me like that again, so help me, I will… I will send a note home to your
parents. Let’s go. All right, you guys, just wait here for a minute.
- Hey, man, look at this stage.
- Yeah. It’s cool.
- He, what’s going on? Where is everyone?
- Auditions are over.
- What? Who’s in charge? Listen, you can’t leave. You haven’t heard our band.
- Sorry. The bill is full. We’re already overbooked.
- No, no, no. Let us just play one song. We’re all here. We’re ready to go.
- Who are they?
- They’re my band.
- Kids? What is this? Some kind of gimmick?
- No, it’s not a gimmick. I know they’re kids, but they’re awesome. Just listen.
- Look, thanks for coming down, but you’re really not what we’re looking for.
- You listen to me. These kids have worked their little fingers to the bone just to play one song for
you, so you just sit down, shut up, and listen.
- Sheila… call security.
- Oh, God.
- Look, it was just a warm-up gig. We’ll still be able to compete against the other schools next
quarter.
- What are you talking about? This is the gig, Summer. This was our Woodstock.
- Then we shouldn’t take no for an answer.
- What? Don’t take no for an answer? He was… did you see? He was gonna call the fuzz.
- Would you just listen to me? I have an idea.
- Hi, there. Hi. It’s ok. It’s cool. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in here
without telling you what was going down. It wasn’t fair to you, and it wasn’t fair to the kids,
especially after everything they’ve been through. And I… God, I feel like a jerk. God. I just… I’m
taking them back to the hospital. Just wanted to say I’m really sorry.
- That’s ok. That’s fine.
- See, I volunteer down at Saint Margarita’s in the children’s wing, teaching music.
- Really? That’s nice. That’s very nice.
- Actually, no, it isn’t, because I totally screwed up. I told the kids if they practice, they’d get into
Battle of the Bands.
- What did you tell them that for?
- I don’t know. I just… I wanted to give them something to look forward to, something to keep their
spirits up. Oh… look at them. They’re terminal. Every last one of them.
- Geez.
- Yeah, and all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.
- What do they all have?
- It’s a… It’s a rare blood disease. Stick-it-to-da-man-i-osis.
- What’s that? I’ve never heard of it.
- You’re lucky. Because it’s hell.
- Wow.
- We’re on the bill.
- Yes.
- Cut it out. You’re dying, remember? Get in the van. Summer, you get an A-plus and 50 gold stars.
- I didn’t do it for the grade.
- Give me some of that. Yeah.
- Hey, Mr. S. We have a name for the band.
- Hit me. The School of Rock. The School…of Rock. And we shall teach rock and roll to the world.
- Stop. We have a Red Alert. It’s Mullins.
- Let’s go, come on.
- To your positions. To your positions.
- Come on, come on.
- And therefore, E equals M C-squared. Oh, Miss Mullins. Come in.
- I’m sorry to interrupt, but Miss Lemmons said she heard music coming from the classroom.
- Music? Music. I haven’t heard any music. You know what? Miss Lemmons must be on crack,
right, kids?
- Well… Well,.. what’s that?
- Oh, that. Yeah. We were singing. We were singing and we were learning. We were learning in
sing-song.
- One of your methods?
- Yeah. I find that it’s really helpful when you’re teaching the subjects that are the boring subjects…
- Huh. Well, you don’t mind if I just sit in on your class this afternoon, do you?
- No. No. Come on back this afternoon.
- It is the afternoon. I meant now. So, please just continue with your method.
- Yeah. ok. “ Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath let’s do some
math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minust four is… “
- Negative one.
- That’s right. “And six times a billion is… “
- Six billion?
- Nailed it. “And 54 is 45 more than… what is the answer, Marta?”
- Nine.
- “No, it’s eight.”
- “ No, it’s nine”
- “ Yes, I was testing you. It’s nine. And that’s a magic number.”
- I’m very happy that you’re able to extend your stay, but I, I must say I find your methods of
teaching very unusual.
- Well, I did study with Dr. Errol Von Straussenburger… becken.
- Who?
- Oh, you don’t know him? Oh, he’s… he’s like one of the leading leaders in… unusual methods.
Actually, he’s how I was appointed to the Presidential Council for Experimental Educationers.
- That sounds very impressive, but we’re not interested in experimental education here. So, if from
now on, if you could just stick to the curriculum, that would be great.
- Yes. Right.
- Thank you.
- Ros…
- Yes?
- Do you know I would really love to talk some more about your philosophy on, you know, teaching.
Do you think maybe we could grab some coffee?
- You wanna go get some coffee with me?
- Yeah. I really would.
- And you’re sure you don’t have any coffee?
- Uh-huh. I’m quite sure.
- Well, I’ve never been here before. I’ve never been to this side of town before, in fact. So, I… have
been… well, I have been…dying to ask you something, Mr. Schneebly.
- Please, call me Dewey.
- Dewey?
- Ned?
- Call me Ned. I was thinking of my other name. My middle name.
- Oh.
- Yeah. Well, Ned… in your experience, how does Horace Green compare to the other schools that
you’ve taught at?
- Oh. Your school is the best.
- You’re just saying that.
- I’m not. Do you know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time? They’re running around.
There’s no discipline. They’re happy. It’s anarchy. This is the best school I have ever teached at. I
swear.
- I’ll drink to that.
- You stay right that. I’m gonna go put on some music.
- Oh. I love this song.
- Really?
- Yes. Stevie Nicks.
- Yeah. Stevie.
- You know, she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so… whacked.
- I know. Oh, man.
- Oh, oh, my gosh.
- She put on the best show I’ve ever seen. And she is so much better live then she is on the album.
You know what I mean?
- Yes, yes. Oh, my gosh, no comparison.
- Yeah. You know what? Oh, man, I would love to take the kids to a concert.
- Concert?
- Yeah. There’s one at the end of the month. It would be perfect. The Philharmonic. They do the
classics. They do Beethoven, Mozart, Enya…that kind of stuff. Oh, but you guys have a policy
about field trips, huh?
- Would it be educational?
- “Would it be educational?” It could be very educational.
- Maybe we can make an exception.
- Yes. I’m holding you to that. Make an exception…
- Would you stop that, please?
- Yeah.
- I had a… I had a really nice time.
- Yeah, ditto.
- You know this is a first time any teacher has ever asked me to do anything outside of school.
- No way.
- It’s, it’s true. In…6 years.
- Well, you know, I think it might just be one of those things where people are a little intimidated.
- Intimidated? They hate me.
- No. They don’t.
- Yes, they do. They sure do. I can see. I wasn’t always like this, you know. I wasn't always wound
this tight. There was a time when I was fun. I was funny. I was, but you can’t be funny and be the…
the principal of a prep school. No. You cannot, because when it comes to their kids, these
parents… they have no sense of humor. No. And, and if, anything goes wrong, it’s my head. All
right? It’s my head in the smasher. These parents will come down on me like a nuclear bomb. I
can’t make a mistake. I gotta be perfect, and that pressure has turned me into one thing that I
never wanted to be…
- No. You’re not.
- Yes, I am. I am a big one.
- Well, I don’t think so. I think you’re pretty cool.
- Really? No.
- Yeah. You’re way cool.
- Really?
- ok, drums?
- House.
- Keyboards?
- House.
- Amps? All right. Cable?
- Got them .
- All right. Guitar?
- Yes.
- Mr. S.
- Yeah?
- What do you think?
- I don’t know… I… They might be a little distracting.
- It’s glitter rock and it’s glam and it’s fabulous.
- Billy, it’s just not the right style.
- Style? You’re gonna talk to me about style? You can’t even dress yourself. Look at that bow tie.
- Don’t you be talking about my bow tie.
- You know what? I give up. They can just wear their uniforms.
- That’s not a bad idea.
- Not a bad idea? I was kidding.
- Excuse me. Hey, hey, ho-ha. What is that?
- What’s what?
- What are you playing?
- It’s just something I wrote.
- You wrote a song? Well, let’s hear it.
- Nah, it’s not that good.
- Come on, I wanna hear it, Kurt Cobain.
- Ok, but I’m not much of a singer.
- That’s all right. Wait. You wrote that? You wrote that? Ok, that’s it. You guys? Rock and Roll
positions.
- What are you doing?
- What am I doing? We’re gonan learn your song.
- But why?
- Because that’s what bands do, man… play each other’s songs. You got lyrics? Hook me up. No
more secret songs. All right, Lorence, no more reading. Time for rock. Get on the drum. Bass it up.
What was that first code?
- D.
- Play it.
- D…C…G… C…
- Yeah. Yeah. You know what would be better? If it was rock got no reason, rock got no rhyme.
You know? Can we try that? And also, we need some, Ooh, la-la. So like, Ooh, la-la-la, ooh, la-lala. Try that at the chorus, ok? Can we try to from the chorus?
- 1, 2, 3,4 ,1,2,3…
- Wow. I’m gonna take a solo there if it’s cool with you.
- All right.
- And then you can solo later.
- ok.
- But let me just rock a solo there, I can feel it. All right. Tomorrow is the big day, so get your rest.
No late-night parties, drinking tequila and trying to get lucky. Chances like this do not come around
every day. Now, you’ve played hard in here people, and I am around of every last stinking one of
you. So let’s just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with
dignity. With a guitar in our hands and rock in our hearts. And in the words of AC/DC.. “We roll
tonight to the guitar bite and for those about to rock…. I salute you.” Ros, excuse me, I just wanted
to remind you about our little field trip tomorrow.
- What field trip?
- The educational concert we were talking about.
- Oh. Oh, I forgot about that. I don’t know, you know, school policy is very difficult to get around in
this situation.
- But you said… Remember, you said we could make an exception, and the kids are all excited
about hearing some Mozart.
- I know, but.. the preparations, there’s not enough time, I don’t know anything about it. Where is it?
- Well, I’ve got it all covered. What’s going on? Are you mad at me or something?
- No, no, Ned. I’m sorry, I’m just a little stressed out because it’s Parents’ Night tonight.
- Hey, it’s all gonna be fine.
- Ned? Would you mind coming with me tonight to Parents’ Night? It wouldn’t be a date or anything
like that. It’s just that, you know, I get nervous around the parents and there’s something about you
that makes me feel a little more relaxed.
- You know what, that sounds so great, Ros, but…
- But what?
- I wasn’t planning on going tonight.
- But you have to come. You’re their teacher. You have to give the presentation.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I got you. I’m ready for that.
- So we’ll go together? Ok. Why don’t you pick me up at say 6:40?
- Done.
- ok.
- All right.
- What are you all dressed up for?
- I got a hot date.
- That’s weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1200. I’ve never even worked there.
- What are you doing?
- Calling the school. Hi, this is Ned Schneebly… Dewey… What’s going on?
- I told them 15 times, make it out to cash.
- Dewey?
- I did something bad, Ned.
- No.
- Yeah. They called looking for a sub and I said I was you just to make some money, but then I got
there and the kids, they rock, man. There’s this kid Larry who’s like, “I’m not cool, but now he’s
all… And there’s this other girl who can sing like… but then she thought she was too fat to sing, so
they were all dying of this rare blood disease, and the principal got drunk… And now we’re playing
tomorrow at Battle of the Bands. It’s the coolest thing that ever happened. One day, that’s all I ask,
Ned, and then I will come clean. I’ll tell everyone it was my fault. He had nothing to do with it. You’ll
be fine. One day.
- Ned, home.
- Don’t say anything to her. Please. She’ll blow it. She’ll blow it. Don’t say anything. Please.
- Hey, what’s going on?
- Nothing. I got a hot date, that’s what’s going on. See you later.
- What’s going on, Ned?
- Nothing.
- Nothing? Well..
- ok, I don’t think I can go in there.
- What’s wrong?
- Ros… I’m not a teacher.
- Oh, Ned. A substitute is a teacher.
- No, no. I’m not a teacher. I’m a fraud.
- No. You’re not. You’re a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you. Now
just get in there and tell those parents what you’ve been teaching their kids.
- Yeah, you know, math, English, what, science, what else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish,
French, Latin, math… did I say that, right? Anyway, you know, just all this stuff you want your kids
to know, it’s being covered, ok? So… it was great to meet you all and, drive safe.
- Excuse me.
- Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows
up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
- Yeah, well, Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
- And how is this homework?
- ok, see, I would like to tell you about what we’ve been doing in here, but there’s such a thing as
teacher-student confidentiality and I don’t wanna be in breach of educational law because I could
be dismembered by the teacher’s union. So…
- You expect us to believe this garbage?
- Mr. S, don’t you think you should just tell them about the project?
- What project?
- Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
- Competing?
- It’s not till next quarter, but Mr.S wanted us to get a head start.
- Well, what’s the project, Summer?
- It’s prestigious. It will go on our permanent record, Mom. You might as well tell them, Mr.
Schneebly.
- ok, look, I’ve gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks and they are awesome. Zack is an
insane guitarist. He’s the next Hendrix, and he’s ten years old. And Gordon here, he’s a genius. He
did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And… and and and Marta here,
she’s, she’s…she can hit an A about high C. Did you know that? Because that’s tough. Not many
singers can do that. And.. and… Summer, Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the
United States of America, and she could run later this year even and I would vote for her. Look,
you guys, they’re just all really cool kids. If they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud,
just to even know them. And…
- Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
- Can I just… let me just say a couple more things.
- What’s going on?
- What’s happening, Officer?
- Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
- What?
- What?
- This man is Ned Schneebly.
- Yeah, he’s not even a teacher.
- You called the cops?
- She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
- You’re apologizing to him?
- Sorry.
- Ned. Ned, is… is this true? Who are you?
- My name is Dewey Finn and, no, I’m not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids
and I’m pretty sure I’ve touched them.
- What?
- Oh, my god.
- I’ve nothing to say to you.
- Me, either.
- ok. I’m going to bed.
- You know, Dewey, it’s one thing to throw your life away, but then to put Ned’s career in jeopardy
is so selfish.
- Hey, you’re the one who told me to be like Ned and get a job.
- Yeah, yeah, I told you to be like Ned, Dewey, I didn’t tell you to be Ned. And you’re not even
gonna apologize?
- You’re the one who should apologize for calling the cops. It’s not like I murdered anybody, I just
wanted to play a great show. I was this close.
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Would you both just cut it out for one second?
- Look, I’m sorry, dude. I was desperate. You can’t understand. It was easy for you to give up
music. It ain’t easy for me.
- It wasn’t easy for me. I miss it.
- Well, then why did you give it up?
- Because I couldn’t keep kidding myself anymore. You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end,
maybe we just weren’t that good. Sometimes you got to know when to quit.
- Maybe you’re right, maybe I suck.
- That’s not what I said.
- Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do?
- I don’t know. But… I think it’s time you moved out. Sorry.
- So his name really wasn’t Mr. Shneebly?
- No, it was, like, Dewey something.
- What about the project?
- Wake up, Marco, there was no project.
- He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.
- I can’t believe we weren’t getting graded on any of this.
- What are you so bummed about? We had a three week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time,
but it was a lot better than school.
- It was not a waste of time.
- I hate to break it to you, bro, but, yeah, that’s what it was.
- You’re an idiot.
- Hey, shut up.
- No, you shut up.
- Hey, you wanna go? Huh?
- Hey, if you touch him, I’ll shove those sticks down your throat, got it? Mr. S was cool. And we
worked too long and too hard not to play this show.
- Well, ok, so what are we supposed to do?
- I saw we get out of here and play the damn show.
- How could you let our children be exposed to this impostor, this maniac?
- Do you just let anyone walk off the street and teach here?
- Let me assure you that nothing is more important to us than for you to feel your children are in a
safe and secure environment.
- ok, we’re all here for the field trip.
- Where’s Mr. Schneebly?
- He didn’t tell you? He’s at his house. We need to go pick him up. Come on. Let’s go, hurry.
- Excuse me. Just one second, please.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, where are you going?
- One second.
- Come back in here.
- Where did they go? Help. Children.
- Wake up.
- How did you guys get in here?
- Front door was open.
- Why aren’t you guys in school?
- We did what you told us. We stuck it to the man.
- Forget about what I told you. Look, I’m a loser, ok? You listen to my advice, you’ll end up like me,
with nothing.
- Come on, man, quit goofing around. This is serious business. We’re on a mission. One great rock
show can change the world. Look out the window.
- Mr. S. Come down.
- No way. That is so punk rock.
- The dining room table seats 14, with no inserts…
- What’s going on?
- We’ve got some rocking to do.
- Yes.
- Hi, Mr. Schneebly.
- How’s it going? You guys, all I can say is, let’s rock.
- Yeah.
- One more thing. I wanna say I’m sorry that I used you guys. I’m sorry I lied. And it’s not cool to lie
in a band.
- Come on, we’re gonna be late. There’s no time for apologies. Let’s go, come on.
- All right, let’s go.
-Where are you going?
- I’m going to the show. You wanna go?
- Yeah, I wanna go. Are you serious?
- I don’t wanna miss this, Patty.
- Unbelievable. After everything he’s done to you? That is so typical Ned. When are you gonna
stop being a pushover? When are you finally gonna start sticking up for yourself?
- Excuse me. Excuse me. I have just been informed that all of your children are missing. So…
- Hey.
- Hey, can I help?
- Yeah, we’re competing. We’re the School of Rock.
- You and all these kids?
- Yeah, we’re the band and crew.
- You’d better get in here, hurry up.
- Ok, come on, you guys. Hey, we’re here.
- You’re late. You’re up next.
- ok, we’ll be ready, come on.
- Zack, check this out.
- Whoa, it’s awesome.
- Guys, you don’t have to listen to those hacks. Come on, band meeting right now, gather round.
All right. Frankie, how’s security?
- We’re set.
- ok, Gordon, what about the lights?
- The light board is up in the balcony. I’ll patch it up there.
- All right. And, Billy, how’s beautification?
- Are you kidding?
- ok, listen up, you guys. We only have one song to let these guys know who we are, so I think we
should play Zack’s.
- But why? I mean, really?
- Yes. The things is, you guys. I ain’t that good. I’m not, and I can admit it. But you, dude, you’re
ten years old, you’re already better than me. Your song rocks harder, so let’s play it. But, hey, you
know what? That’s just one guy’s opinion. This ain’t my band, it’s our band. We all have a say.
- We haven’t practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
- Hey, we didn’t come here to win. We came here to play one great show. And on Zack’s song,
you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me? All right, let’s pray. God of Rock,
hank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to
blow people’s minds with our high-voltage rock. In your name we pray. Amen.
- Amen.
- Now let’s get out there and melt some faces.
- Yeah.
- Go get ready.
- All right, but you got to sing it.
- Are you sure? It’s your song.
- Yeah, it's cool, I’m no singer.
- ok, I’ll sing it. Yeah?
- What about the lights? All the cues are to the other song.
- ok, Gordon, you're just gonna have to feel it. You’ve got to improvise. You know this song, I know
you can do it.
- ok.
- Go. Run like the wind.
- Hey.
- What’s this?
- You wanted to go with the uniform, so put it on. Quick.
- Whoa, slow down, old man.
- My son is in there.
- Where’s your ticket?
- My son is in there, he’s ten years old.
- I don’t care how old he is. You’re not getting past me without a ticket.
- We’re not here to see the show.
- Excuse me. We have a situation here. My name is Rosalie Mullins. I am the principal of Horace
Green. We had a field trip that went awry.
- Some lunatic has kidnapped our kids, all right? Our kids are in there.
- Look, you guys are breaking my heart. There’s the ticket table.
- All right, maybe we should just get tickets.
- All right, let’s get tickets. Excuse me. Excuse me, please. Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Quit pushing.
- Excuse me.
- Hey, stop it.
- Hey, what’s up?
- Come on.
- We’re the School of Rock. And this song was written by our own Zack Monneyham.
- Your son is very skilled.
- Thanks. So is yours.
- Take me back. Yeah.
- School of Rock.
- Oh, sorry. To get in, you’ve got to be in a band or have a pass.
- I am principal of the school’s band.
- Oh, right on.
- All right? All right? All right? That was incredible. That was incredible. Oh, my gosh, the lights,
and the guitar solos… Was it really you playing?
- So you’re not mad?
- Mad? I’m furious. I’m horrified, but it was incredible. It was so great. You guys were so great.
- Dude. You did it, man. Those lights were awesome. They were awesome.
- These kids are incredible.
- Amazing.
- Who’s the manager?
- I am. Summer Hathaway. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, hey, wait, stop. Come here, guys. You guys rocked, dude. How old are you?
- 10.
- 10? No way, dude. How long you been playing man?
- About three years. I used to play classical, but now I play rock.
- Hey, you in a band?
- No. No. No, I am the principal of this school.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
- Wow, that’s cool. That’s cool.
- Yes, yes it is. It’s very, it’s very cool.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- It is cool.
- It is. It is very cool.
- I like that.
- Do you? Yes.
- Yeah, you’re hot. You’re so hot.
- What?
- Huh?
- I’m sorry.
- What?
- Are you warm?
- All right, guys, this is it. The moment of truth. The winner of this year’s Battle of the Bands
competition… is No Vacancy.
- No. Boo. It was a beauty contest. They weren’t even listening to the music. Boo. No.
- What?
- Oh, no.
- On behalf of the Battle of the Bands, I’d like to present this check for $20,000 to No Vacancy.
- Yeah. No Vacancy.
- No, School of Rock.
- Come on.
- School of Rock. School of Rock.
- School of Rock.
- What’s wrong?
- What’s wrong? Summer, didn’t you hear? We lost.
- Hey, chill out, dude. Rock isn’t about getting an A. The Sex Pistols never won anything.
- Don’t let the man get you down.
- Yeah, I mean, dude, you got to cheer up. We played a kick-ass show.
- We did, didn’t we? It was unbelievable, wasn’t it?
- Yeah.
- School of Rock. School of Rock. School of Rock.
- What is that?
- School of Rock. School of Rock. School of Rock.
- It’s an encore. They want us to go play another song. It’s good. Go, you guys. Wait, no, no. Just
the band. Ok, everybody, go. Thank you, yes, we will play one more.
- Bye, Mom. See you later. I told you. As soon as I talk to the band, I’ll get back to you. If you’re so
desperate, then quit low-balling us.
- And that’s a C. All right? You got that? Let’s see. Ok, Paula, let’s see you. Yeah, your fingers
are… basically right. Shawn, what do you got? Let’s see. All right, play. Toby, you got it? Let’s see.
Very good, you guys.
- All right, now take it down nice and quiet. The next thing I wanna hear… is a face-melting solo by
our own Zack Mooneyham, go. Here we go. Dude, is my face ok? I think you melted it off. All right,
now the next thing I wanna hear, the very next thing… I don’t wanna hear anything unless I hear…
a gut-busting, drum solo from Freddy. Take it away. My gut got busted. What did you do, Freddy?
Now, I think it’s time we heard from a little somebody. Lawrence on lead solo keyboard, go. All right,
slow it up. Listen up, you guys. Here’s what I need. I need you girls to repeat after me. All right.
Now the first test is over. I’m gonna need Alicia to give me a two-second vocal solo, go. Here it
comes. Don’t Bogart the mic, Alicia. That was beautiful, but now it’s time. Come on, Tomika, melt it.
That was tasty. Marta, blow my brains out. Go. All right, that’s it, stop you guys, stop. Seriously,
you guys. All right, take five. Take five. You wanna go? All right. That was a good class.
- All right, see you, man.