Doe 1
John Doe
Mr. Essay Grader
English 10
17 December 2015
Sample Intro Paragraph – Rough Outline Based on Stems
The Irish-English new wave rocker Elvis Costello once sang: “What’s so funny ‘bout
peace, love, and understanding?” In the personal narrative “Ethnic Hash” by Patricia Williams,
Ms. Williams describes growing up in an environment in which she does not feel loved or
understood because of her skin color. In the personal essay as letter “An Indian Father’s Plea” by
Robert Lake, a father writes to his son’s teacher to explain the ways the teacher misunderstands
the child’s background and education. In director Peter Weir’s film The Truman Show, the
protagonist Truman Burbank feels misunderstood and misled by the people in his life and desires
to know the truth about his existence. In “Ethnic Hash,” “An Indian Father’s Plea,” and The
Truman Show, the cultures of Patricia Williams, Robert Lake, and the character Truman,
respectively, inform the way they each perceives others and the world around them significantly
based on the ways in which each feels misunderstood by their societies.
(Note: This student, John Doe, merely filled in the pieces using the outline, guidelines, and
sentence stems and now, with all of the required ingredients, can revise to make the intro
paragraph his own.)
Doe 2
John Doe
Mr. Essay Grader
English 10
17 December 2015
Intro Paragraph – Draft 2
“What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love, and understanding?” croons out quietly from the tiny
speakers; the words of Irish-English new wave rocker Elvis Costello register as both plaintive
and slightly incongruent in their juxtaposition of “funny” with such serious ideals, thus rendering
Costello’s question all the more serious. People without love and peace do not find the lack of
both funny. People who feel misunderstood do not see any humor in it. Certainly, Patricia
Williams, the author of the personal essay “Ethnic Hash,” and Robert Lake, the writer of “An
Indian Father’s Plea,” a personal essay as letter, do not see any humor in the cultural
misunderstandings and judgments from which they suffer. Nor does Truman Burbank, the
protagonist/metaphor-for-the-average-person-in-society in director Peter Weir's film The Truman
Show, see any humor in want amounts to, in the movie, misunderstandings about his life and the
desire of others to see him continue to live the same, misguided existence. In the texts as well as
in the film, Ms. Williams, Mr. Lake, and the character Truman, respectively, each suffers the
effects of the discrepancy between what their culture expects from them and their own need to
live a more authentic existence.
(Note: A question Student John Doe needs to ask himself is whether or not the tone of the quote matches
the material. The quote is definitely interesting and not the typical source for a quote; often teachers
advise not to use quotes because, among other reasons, quotes begin to sound the same; does this one
stand out enough while also doing the work it needs to do? Regarding other aspects of the intro
paragraph, the student, while adhering to the guidelines, has eliminated much of the formulaic aspects
such as the structure of the sentence stems, thus making the paragraph more his own. In the next draft he
should tighten the sentences, eliminate extraneous material, and work of varying and strengthening word
choice, sentence length, and syntax.)