Family Life Ministry
Building Effective Relationship Skills
Q1: OVERCOMING DESTRUCTIVE
EMOTIONS & BEHAVIORS
February is Lovers Month!
• Valentine Day = Saturday, February 14
• Recommendation = Couples Outing / Date Night
• Spa, Lunch, Dinner, Massage, etc….be creative!
• Just the two of you!
• I’ll check with wives afterwards if the men complied…
Text
• Proverbs 16:32- He who is slow to anger is better
than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he
who captures a city. (NASB)
• Proverbs 29:11 - A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back. (NKJV)
• Proverbs 15:18 - A wrathful man stirs up strife,
But he who is slow to anger allays contention. (NKJV)
Questions for Tonight’s Study
• What is an emotion?
• How does our emotion impact our actions and
reactions?
• What is God’s expectation on how to handle
our emotion?
• How can we achieve a balanced emotional
state in the family setting?
Emotion
• A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from
one's circumstances, mood, or relationships
with others.
• A conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear)
subjectively experienced as strong feeling
usually directed toward a specific object and
typically accompanied by physiological and
behavioral changes in the body. (Webster)
Anger
•Anger is an emotional response related
to one's psycho-sociological
interpretation of having been
threatened.
•Often it indicates when one's basic
boundaries are violated. (Wikipedia)
Video (0-18 minutes)
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUfK8OWZ_fI#t=48
Lessons from the Jimmy Evans’ Video…
•Anger is the most destructive force in
marriage!
•Yesterday’s anger is Toxic!
•Holding on to anger destroys intimacy,
passion, and optimism
•Unresolved anger destroys the garden
of your love!
Lessons from the Jimmy Evans’ Video…
•Unresolved anger builds an intensity for
future ventilation
•Unresolved anger opens the door for
the devil! (Eph 4:26)
•If you go to bed on anger with anybody,
you’ve been counseled by the devil and
you don’t even know it!
God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger
Ephesians 4:26-27 (KJV)
26
• Be ye angry, and sin not: let not
the sun go down upon your wrath:
27
• Neither give place to the devil
God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger
Ephesians 4:26-27 (TLB)
26
• If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing
your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down
with you still angry—get over it
quickly; 27 for when you are angry, you
give a mighty foothold to the devil.
God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger
Ephesians 4:26-27…
•It not that you may not experience anger…the sin
is in nursing a grudge against anyone (spouse or
others)
•Don’t hold on to anger overnight – get it over
quickly!
•NB: When you are angry, you are nursing the
devil’s counsel!
God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger
Ephesians 4:31-32 (KJV)
31
• Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger,
and clamour, and evil speaking, be put
away from you, with all malice
32
• And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even
as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
God’s Standard - Dealing with Anger
Ephesians 4:31-32
•Let the resolution start with you!
•It is your responsibility to put away (get rid
of) anger…don’t wait for your spouse!
•Be tenderhearted not hard-headed!
•Be forgiving…you’ve done worse to God
and others, and you were forgiven!
Dealing with anger…
1. Confront the situation quickly
• Eph. 4:26B - Don’t let the sun go down with you still
angry—get over it quickly
2. Begin every confrontation with affirmation
• The way you start a conversation dictates its end!
• Prov. 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, But a
harsh word stirs up anger.
• Prov. 16:24 - Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Dealing with anger…
3. Communicate your thoughts and feelings without
pre-judgments
• Don’t interpret others’ actions, you’re not in their mind!
4. Be specific about your concerns/hurts/complaints
• What are examples of specific complaints?
• What are examples of global complaints?
• What is the difference?
5. Be cautious of your tone of voice when confronting
anger/negative situations!
Summary
• Anger is the most destructive force in marriage!
• Yesterday’s anger is Toxic!
• Holding on to anger destroys intimacy, passion, and optimism
• Unresolved anger destroys the garden of your love!
• Unresolved anger builds an intensity for future ventilation
• Unresolved anger opens the door for the devil! (Eph 4:26)
• If you go to bed on anger with anybody, you’ve been
counseled by the devil and you don’t even know it!
• Questions: What are 5 keys to deal with anger?
Question & Answers
Prayer Points…
•Father help me gain control/ruler-ship
over my emotion by the help of The
Holy Spirit
•Holy Spirit teach and help me to
effectively deal with anger, so that the
devil will not have a foothold in my life