Bringing People Together
Challenges and Opportunities
Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc.
&
The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan
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Agenda
• Introductions
• Guidelines
• Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger,
rage and the Brain
• Transformative learning :
– The cooperative learning process
• Introduce self
• best skill in work with group
• What I could use your help with
– “We learn what we teach.”
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REPTILIAN BRAIN
Instinctual survival
• Fight,Flight,
Freeze
• Aggression
• Anger
• Fear
• Revenge
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Whole brain thinking
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Managing anger
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Fever is your body’s effort to send
white blood cells to illness; hot enough
to drive out germs, bacteria.
Low fever & high fever need different
response.
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First Feeling + Trigger = Anger
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Under Anger
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Hurt
Grieving
Frustrated
Humiliated
Scared
Rejected
Embarrassed
Trapped- no options
HALT–
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Hungry
Angry already
Lonely
Tired
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Manage your anger- Be a STARR
Stop and
breathe 3
deep
breathes
Reward to
feel good
afterward
Think of
10 ideas for
what to do
Reflect on
what
worked
Act on the
safest
choice
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Auditory
Visual
Kinesthetic internal
Kinesthetic external
Learning Styles
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Tell me, and I will forget. Show
me, and I may remember. Involve
me, and I will understand.
Confucius, 450 B.C.
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How many squares? 5
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How many squares?
•Work alone and
fast, this is a
competition.
•Write your
answer on a paper
and raise your
hand.
•The first 3 are
winners.
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How many squares?
Take as long as
you need to get
the answer.
Work
individually.
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How many squares?
Work together to find an answer,
Help each other understand.
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BASE GROUPS
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EXPERT GROUPS
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2
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Unpacking Root Causes 9-10:15
Working groups: 9- 9:15
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•
•
•
1.High and Low context cultures and communication
2.Life skills- Anger and emotional intelligence
3.Trauma, Abuse and violence contributors
4.Mental illness & immediate situational contributors
Base groups: 9:15- 9: 45
• Working group (1,2,3,4) reports (5 minutes each)
• How does understanding possible root causes inform our
work?
• In their shoes- if you experienced some of the root
causes described, how would you wish to be treated?
• Questions for the big group
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How can I respond in relating with a
volatile person, staying safe and
helping another?
• Swimming metaphor
• Pre mediation work
– Co- mediator- don’t go alone
– Anger, rage, volatility
• Past patterns
• Current stressors
– Support
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How can I respond in relating with a
volatile person, staying safe and helping
another? 11-11:45
• Working groups: 11-11:15
– Respect
– Resilience
– Diversity –reflecting our community
– Environment – Space, exits, timing
• Base groups: 11:15- 11:45
• Reports of working groups
• Brainstorm ideas that will help prevent volatile
eruptions in the environments of your work
• Questions and insights to Big group
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A man had 17 camels
He left his 17 camels to his three sons on his death.
The oldest son would get 1/2 the camels.
The middle son would get 1/3 of the camels.
The youngest son would get 1/9 of the camels.
The sons were confused. Then a wise
Woman came along on her camel
And resolved the problem.
How many camels did each son get?
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LEO
• Listen:
– Body language (face them, open body stance)
– Tone and volume, Do your eyes show interest? (or are you busy taking notes?)
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–
–
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Ask open ended questions
Encourage talking (that must have been difficult, thank you for telling me)
Give them room
Suspend Judgment, Avoid moving to premature solutions
• Empathize:
– Confirms you understand their point of view
– Lets them know you heard their story
– Demonstrates comfort and competence
–
Lays groundwork for problem solving
–
Helps build common ground
–
“So you feel___________ because it seems to you____________ ?”
–
Restate feelings, their view and check to make sure you got it right?
–
Model desired emotional state (breathe, be calm, attentive)
• Options:
– Get their attention- confirm understanding- move to desired outcome
–
–
–
Offer Options-“I can think of some options, want to hear them?
Co-create options, neutral language
Plot a course- next steps (KIS)
–
•
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NVC
1. OBSERVE: The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
2. FEELINGS: How we feel in relation to what we
are observing
3.NEEDS: The needs, values, desires, etc. that
are creating our feelings
4.REQUEST: The concrete action we request in
order to enrich our lives
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NLP
•
•
•
•
Visual
Auditory
Kinesthetic internal
Kinesthetic external
– “ I can see that you feel frustrated and angry; that
no one seems to be listening to you. Come and
lets you and I see if we can sort this out.”
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http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/transformation/
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Conflict Management and
Transformation
• It is time:
– To honour our values of respect, compassion and
treating others as we would wish to be treated.
– To expand our life skills as we live cooperatively in
increasingly diverse communities
– To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and
growth
• Transformation is possible-”Our peaceful world is
not a place without conflict. Rather it is a place
where we resolve our conflicts with respect,
compassion, and a shared goal of understanding.
Let us honour each other in the process.”
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Key skills for working with conflict:
Respecting the people and understanding the
problem
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Separating the people and the problem
Focus on interests not positions
Common Interests
Creating Options- why brainstorming works
Emotional and social intelligence skills
Heart felt Compassion
“People do the best they can with what they
know. When they know better, they do better.”
Maya Angelo
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If you want the truth to stand clear
before you, never be for or against.
The struggle between ‘for’ and
‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease.
Sent-ts’an, c - 700 CE
Zen master
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Skill Development
• Base groups practice LEO method & NVC
– Create an example
– Practice responding-both methods
– Request feedback
• What you did well
• Debrief methods as a group
– Make it your own- prepare a script
• After Anger and volatility – now what?
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Putting it all together
• In your group with colleagues:
– Introduce yourselves
– What I do well….
• discuss :
– Challenges unique to your circumstances
– Prevention
– Environment
– Processes most effective with your community
–
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Putting it all together - self care
• Individuals and community care
• Left overs
• Evaluation
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Compassion: Doing Wholehearted
Work
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Escalation of Conflict
Destructive Violence
Power Struggle
Overt Conflict
Latent Tensions
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Why Conflict Escalates
Destructive Violence
Power Struggle
Overt Conflict
Frustrated needs
Poor skills
Latent Tensions
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Weak relationships
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Why Conflict Escalates
Destructive Violence
Power Struggle
Conflicting interests
Disputed rights
Overt Conflict
Unequal power
Injured relationships
Latent Tensions
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Why Conflict Escalates
Destructive Violence
No attention
Power Struggle
No limitation
No protection
Overt Conflict
Latent Tensions
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Catching Conflict Before it Escalates
Destructive Violence
Power
Struggle
Contain
Overt
Conflict
Resolve
Latent
Tensions
Prevent
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Prevent
Sources of Tension
Ways to Prevent
Frustrated needs
The Provider
Poor skills
The Teacher
Weak relationships
The Bridge-Builder
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Resolve
Sources of Conflict
Ways to Resolve
Conflicting interests
The Mediator
Disputed rights
The Arbiter
Unequal power
The Equalizer
Injured relationships
The Healer
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Contain
Sources of Struggle
Ways to Contain
No attention
The Witness
No limitation
The Referee
No protection
The Peacekeeper
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“People do the best they can with what they
know. When they know better, they do better.”
Maya Angelo
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