Rodger Dinwiddie
prdinwiddie@starsnashville.org
615-279-0058
Generosity!!!!
You Can Never Love Too Much!
Dr. Jerry Smith
Love is a bedrock of emotional intelligence (Daniel Goleman) … or
practical intelligence. (Robert Sternberg)
Love is at the center of how we treat others and how we
treat ourselves.
We may not always call it love … but it is what motivates us to
keep caring, keep pressing onward, and it is something so
powerful that it can sustain us when nothing else can or will.
And …
There is another side of the Report Card!!!
The Family …
Benjamin Hosley Wood
And … Corinne Elizabeth Wood born July 3, 2013!
7
Doesn’t Get Much Better!!!
The Rest of
the Family!
The Life of
Riley …
and Benjamin
In meaningful and sustained learning …
The intellect and emotion are inseparable. Brain
research … emotions drive attention, learning,
memory and other important mental and
intellectual activities. (McCombs 2001)
… Must address the “head and the heart.”
“The mission of education is
to teach students to be both
smart and good.”
Socrates
“Ability may get you to
the top, but it takes
character to keep you
there.”
John Wooden
16
A Look At EQ/Practical Intelligence
Outliers: The Story of Success
by Malcolm Gladwell
Practical Intelligence is knowing what to say to
whom, knowing when to say it, and knowing how to
say it for maximum effect.
Emotional Intelligence =
Practical Intelligence
Moreover, it is a great predicator of
success in life and at work.
Daniel Goleman
18
Why Emotional Intelligence?
“When people feel good, they work at their best”
(Goleman, 2005).
Primal Leadership:
Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
19
The Five Elements of Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
Managing Emotions
Motivation
Recognizing Emotions in Others
Handling Relationships
Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can
matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY.
Emotional Intelligence (cont’d)
Rate your Personal Emotional Intelligence in the following areas (on a
scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest):





Self-awareness Managing emotions Motivation Recognizing Emotions in Others Handling Relationships -
21
_____
_____
_____
_____
_____
21
What is SEL?
Educational process of acquiring knowledge, skills, attitudes, and beliefs
to:






Recognize and manage emotions
Care about others
Make good decisions
Behave ethically and responsibly
Develop positive relationships
Avoid negative behaviors
Links academic achievement with skills necessary for succeeding in
school and in life
CASEL’s Key Publications www.CASEL.org
Impact of Social Emotional Learning
TIMOTHY P. SHRIVER and ROGER P. WEISSBERG
Recent studies (more than 300
research studies on this subject)
show that social and emotional
learning programs significantly
improve students' academic
performance.
An average student enrolled in a SEL program ranks at
least 10 percentage points higher on achievement tests
than students who do not participate in such programs.
Results:
•Better grade point average
•Attendance records
•Better classroom behavior
•Less likely to be a suspended or disciplined
(Durlak, J.A. & Weissberg, R.P., 2005; Zins, et al., 2004).
SEL programs improved academic performance 11 to 17
percentile points
Additional findings …
SEL can also reduce unhealthy and
risk-taking behaviors (Greenberg et
al., 2003).
Emerging evidence that SEL
programs can promote social and
emotional adjustment in children
(Lopes and Salovey, 2004).
Developing Resilience
26
That quality in children who, though exposed to
significant stress and adversity, do not succumb to
the school failure, substance abuse, mental health,
and juvenile delinquency problems they are at
greater risk of experiencing.
Linquanti (1992)
The Resilient Child
Problem
Solving
Skills
Sense of
future and
purpose
Autonomy
The
Resilient
Child
Caring
and
Support
Opportunities
for
participation
Social
Competence
27
Recognizing Emotions in Others
“Many theorists think of learning from a purely cognitive
viewpoint, but if you ask successful people to reflect on
how they learned what they currently know, they’ll tell
you: ‘We learned most all we know from and with each
other.’ That takes social intelligence, not just cognitive
ability”
Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam
Books, NY.
28
Recognizing Emotions in Others
In tests with more than seven thousand people in the
United States and eighteen other countries, the benefits
of being able to read feelings from non-verbal clues
included being better adjusted emotionally, more popular,
more out-going, and more sensitive.
Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ.
Bantam Books, NY.
29
Characteristics of Individuals With High EQ

Knowledge of their emotions … as they occur

Managing emotions … applying the knowledge

Motivating oneself to care about
others’ emotions … in
relationships

Recognizing the emotions of others

Handling relationships – managing emotions in others
“We Never Had A Pet”
Recognizing Emotions in Others
We can and do impact other’s emotions
either positively or negatively.
“It’s a fact that people can hear a smile
through the telephone.”
Jeannie Davis in Beyond Hello
32
In Fact …
Although there is no consistent agreement
in the literature on the components of
school climate or their importance, most
writers emphasize caring
others as a core element.
about
Empathy: The sentiment upon which all
healthy social interaction is based.
Empathy: Creating a Climate of Civility
Many definitions of empathy



The capacity to think and feel oneself into the inner
life of another person. (Kohut)
Spontaneously and naturally tuning into the other
person’s thoughts and feelings, whatever these
might be. (Baron-Cohen)
What happens to us when we leave our own bodies
… and find ourselves either momentarily or for a
longer period of time in the mind of the other. We
observe reality through their eyes, feel their
emotions, share in their pain. (Lampert)
What is Empathy?


Empathy is the ability to vicariously feel what
another person is feeling, to understand and
connect to where that person is.
Empathy is a social skill, and as such it
can be taught, practices, and applied.
(Goldstein, 1999)
Two Kinds of Empathy
Emotional Empathy
or affective
empathy:
The desire to
respond with an
appropriate
emotion to another’s
mental states.
Cognitive
Empathy:
The desire to
identify another's
mental states.
Cognitive vs. Affective Empathy


Carl Rogers suggests that individuals with ASD have
less ability to ascertain other’s feelings (cognitive)
but demonstrate equal empathy when they are
aware of others’ states of mind
(affective/emotional empathy).
In other words … When a person is overwhelmed
by his/her own feelings when observing a person
who needs help he/she is unlikely to engage in
comforting or helping others.
Minio-Paulello, Lombardo, Chakarabarti, Wheelwright, Baron-Cohen.
10 Traits of Successful Workers
“The attitude of a qualified employee is the single
most important criteria we use when evaluating job
candidates.” Denise Keller, COO, Benchmark EMAIL.
… Focused
…. Humble
… Optimistic
… Eager to Learn
… Enthusiastic
… Creative
…. Observant
… Ambitious
… Approachable
… Well rounded
The following is from an interview with Mark Lyden, a college recruiter for
a Fortune 500 company and author of
“College Students: DO THIS! GET HIRED!”
Question: “What do you think the number one fear of a hiring
manager is?” “Without question, a hiring manager’s number one fear is
hiring someone with a bad attitude. Attitude is the most important
attribute because hiring managers know that having a college hire with a
bad attitude will cause them nothing but headaches. They know it will
play havoc with the team’s chemistry. It will cause friction between team
members, which will lower morale, productivity and performance. And
guess who gets blamed for the teams dip in performance? The hiring
manager. To put it another way, it creates drama in the group. Hiring
managers hate drama because instead of concentrating on how they can
better perform their tasks and responsibilities, they are having to deal
with the drama of people not getting along.”
What About Business?
“A major flaw in
contemporary business
practice is a lack of
empathy inside large
corporations.”
Wired to Care, Dev Patnaik, 2009

“The real opportunity for businesses in the 21st
Century is to create a widely held sense of
empathy for customers” … examples such as
Nike, Harley-Davidson, IBM and Southwest Airlines,
are examples of “Open Empathy Organizations.”
“These companies see opportunities more quickly than
competitors, adapt to change more easily, and create
workplaces that offer employees a greater sense of
mission in their jobs.” (Wired to Care, Dev Patnaik)
Empathy Comes Naturally



When children see other in pain, their brains
respond as if it were happening to them.
Same response also shown in adults. Normal schoolage children may be naturally prone to empathy.
There is an inborn capacity to resonate with the
pain of others.
Jean Decety, University fo Chicago
Important Observations


Prosocial behaviors emerge by the second year of
life … they increase during the toddler years.
Aggressive Tendencies are pretty much a done deal
by age 2. (Physical Aggression.)

Development of empathy occurs by age 2.

Empathy is crystallized by age 9.
Stand In Their Shoes
Social Norming and Marketing Campaigns

The majority of students either indicate that they try
to help a bullied student (35% of girls and 29% of
boys) OR that they don’t help but that they think
they should (30% of girls and 22% of boys).
There is hope, there is help, you
are part of the solution!
About Empathy … Did you know?

In Tennessee over 76% of students are not involved
in bullying of any kind, at all?
There is hope, there is a help, you
are a part of the solution!
About Empathy … Did you know?

In Tennessee 60% of students say that they try to
help when they see someone being bullied?
There is hope, there is a help, you
are part of the solution!
About Empathy … Did you know?

That in most schools more than 94% of all students
report that when one of their peers is being bullied
that they think that they feel sorry or at least a bit
sorry and want to help?
There is hope, there is a help, you
are part of the solution!
What Roles Do Students Play In
Bullying Situations?
Start the
bullying and
take an active
part
Take an
active
part, but do
not start
the bullying
Support
the
bullying,
but do not
take an
active part
A
Students Who Bully
G
Student
Who Is
Bullied
B
Followers
H
The one who is
being bullied
C
Supporters
D
Like the bullying,
but do not display
open support
TG, p. 24
Defenders
Dislike the
bullying, help
or try to help
the bullied
student
Possible
Defenders
Passive
Supporters
Disengaged
Onlookers
E
F
Dislike the
bullying and
think they
ought to help,
but don’t do it
Watch what happens but do
not take a stand.
51
About Empathy … Did you know?

That 17% of students said they’ve been bullied on
the Internet in the past year; 83% said they had
not?
There is hope, there is a help,
you part of the solution!
About Empathy … Did you know?

88% of students reported that they would not join
in bullying when they see someone being bullied?
There is hope, there is a help,
you are a part of the solution!
The Empathy Gap



“People fail to understand the consequences of the social
trauma experienced by victims of bullying, teasing and
ostracism.”
“This empathy gap can be devastating because it means
victims often do not get the support, intervention or
advocacy they need.”
Everyone knows that social trauma is unpleasant, but
people are often blind to the full severity of these
experiences and therefore don’t do enough to protect or
intervene when victims suffer.”
Physical Pain … More Painful?


Physical pain and intense feeling of social
rejection “hurt” in the same way, a new study
shows. The same regions of the brain that became
active in response to painful sensory experiences
are activated during intense experiences of social
rejection.
These results give new meaning to the idea that
social rejection “hurts.”
Ethan Kross, University of Michigan, Proceedings of the Nataional Academy of Sciences.
Trauma
Experts classify bullying as chronic trauma.
Chronic trauma is repetitive and insidious accumulation
of everyday insults to one’s integrity and sense of
safety as a human being. The more a person is bullied
and threatened, the more they are traumatized.
Dr. Henry Gravitz, Unlocking the Doors to Triumph, 2004
Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and of the
American Board of Forensic Examiners
Keys to Empathy
Put yourself in the others’ shoes
 Pay attention to what the person is
feeling. Listen to the persons words and
tone of voice. Pay attention to body
language
 Pay attention to your own feelings as you
observe

Keys to Empathy




Put these feelings into words, keeping the focus on the
other person
Keep it simple and use your own words
Avoid repeating exactly what the other person ahs said.
Doing this will likely annoy … which is not empathetic.
Give the person a chance to respond to your comments. Do
not worry about getting it exactly right … the important
thing is to listen and pay close attention and show you
understand.
Listening and Empathy



It is a fundamental ability in today’s workplace
and school environments. People who are cut off
from their emotions are not able to connect with
people.
Keep focus on the other person. When you listen
empathetically you demonstrate true care.
When others are in pain and suffering being
listened to has a calming effect.
Listening and Empathy


When you listen carefully you come to understand
that almost everyone’s point of view can be
understood.
Your response can better help the other person
understand their situation. (Become a mirror to the
other person.)
The Power of Empathy: A Practical Guide to Creating Intimacy, Self-Understanding and Lasting Love.
Empathy and Sympathy

Empathy is the ability to mutually
experience the thoughts, emotions,
and direct experiences of others.
It goes beyond sympathy which is
a feeling of care and
understanding for the suffering of
others.
Remember …
It is possible to be empathetic and
not sympathetic at the same time.
Exercises to Teaching Listening
with Empathy




Listen without empathy – What it’s like to not be
heard.
Feeling Heard – What it’s like to be heard.
Partner Practice - Role play skits around a variety
of feelings and situations
Watching Body Language – skits focusing on Body
Language
www.ehow.com/info_8146254_activities-listenempathy.html#ixzz2lctvvpw6
How to Improve Empathic
Listening Skills





Make a conscious effort and decision to listen more
empathetically … close your eyes if you need to
and clear your mind
Listen without judgment
Insert comments when the speaker pauses … do not
interrupt
Communicate with your face that you are truly
listening
Say things like tell me more to encourage the
speaker
Finally … Recognizing Emotions in Others



At the very least, empathy requires being able to
read another’s emotions.
At a higher level, it entails sensing and responding to
a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings.
At the highest levels, empathy is understanding the
issues or concerns that lie behind another’s feelings.
Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, NY.
Empathy is directly connected to the level of
love we have for ourselves and others.
65
Empathy Needs
Assessments
Empathy Assessment Activity
1.
2.
3.
4.
Locate the Empathy Education Needs Assessment
Discuss Questions 4-8 at your table or in small
groups. (Share honest assessments in your
conversation with each other!)
What are your assessments about what you have
shared with each other?
What actions might you consider for your
faculty/staff?
Connection at the
Classroom Level
“A place where students feel
safe both emotionally and
physically, where they feel
supported , and where they feel
enthusiastic about the discoveries
each new school day will bring.
It is a place where individuals
feel honored and where a sense
of interdependence is built into
the culture.”
Building classroom community
should not be seen as some
kind of activity or lesson but as
a way of being that touches all
aspects of the school day …
and life.
Summary
“Only by having a heightened
sense of empathy to victim's
true suffering can we begin to
pave the way for reform and
new policies.”
What Do We Believe?


Only when students, teachers and administrators
partake in exercises that simulate a socially painful
event, such as bullying, can they be truly empathetic
to its consequences.”
Our perception of social pain matters as much as
our understanding of physical pain. Not only do
estimates of social pain govern how we empathize
with socially traumatic events, but they guide our
approach to how well we advocate on a victims’
behalf.
Loran Nordgren, Kasia Banas, Geoff MacDonald
Principals …All in?



When Principals go “all in” in terms of supporting Social
Emotional Learning Programs, school programs, teachers
stand a better chance of successfully implementing change.”
If school principals lack enthusiasm or show little support,
they are actually viewed as a hindrance by teachers, posing
“major challenges” to the success of schools programs.
Apprehensive teachers are more willing to try new
approaches in their classrooms if they know they have the
support of the administration.
University of Pitsburg and University of Virginia
So What About
Adults Who
Don’t Get It?
How Family and Friends Can Help
Targets did not cause the bully to
assault them. (If you think Targets
invited harm from the bully, STOP NOW:
You will do more harm than good.
DO NOT VOLUNTEER.
YOU CAN’T HELP!)
The Bully at Work, by Gary and Ruth Namie
ADULTS WHO
BULLY
STUDENTS
Teacher Who Bully Students:
Patterns and Policy Implications
Alan McEvoy, 2005
Study Findings
© The Olweus
Bullying
Prevention
Group, 2010




Common to have one or
more teachers in a school
who are mean to students.
Gender differences are not
significant.
Bullying is greater among
those who have taught
longer.
Most people believe that
teachers who bully will be
able to do so without getting
into trouble and will not be
held accountable.




If a complaint has been made –
little ever happens and nothing
changes.
Common belief: Teachers would
hate the student more after a
report was made.
There is often agreement (common
knowledge) among both students
and staff who offending teachers
are.
Schools who fail to address
teacher bullying suffer decline in
reputation, student performance
and school climate.
If You Build It … They Will Come!
Those who say it cannot
be done should not
interrupt the people
doing it.
Chinese Proverb
The School of Belonging
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Caring intentions on the part of all staff members
SEL needs of all students are honored
Any form of emotional violence is entirely
unacceptable
Staff and students participate in regular focus groups.
This keeps staff in touch with the emotional dynamics
of the school … provides for collaboration
Cultural literacy initiatives are coordinated in concert
with SEL initiatives. (Diversity and empathy trainings,
etc.)
The Ten Intentions … of a School of Belonging
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The presence of a
supportive leader
Effective SEL in-service
training
An inviting school office
Assembly
programs/student
workshops
Mentor programs for
staff and students
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Monthly grade level
community meetings
Daily celebration and
recognition of students
A variety of
extracurricular activities
for all students
Alternative
programming
Parent workshops
PRACTICE: Event-Empathy-Action
(David Levine, Teaching Empathy)



What happened? (the event)
How is that person feeling? (empathy)
What will I do? (a specific action)
Use hypothetical situations/scenarios a class can discuss in
order to explore options for empathic responses:
A
new student just arrived today and sitting is alone in the
cafeteria.
 A classmate just found out that her family has to move because
her mom’s job has been transferred.
Final Conclusions …
At the foundation of a positive school culture is
a positive school climate … relationships that
flourish, students and staff who care, and are
committed to excellence in learning, and the
highest standards for self regulation and
discipline through standards that are based on
mutual respect and shared ownership and are found
in a place where LOVE thrives, EQ rules and
everyone is motivated to do and be their best!
The Real Test

To what extent is your school engaged with these
systemic efforts to improve school climate, create a
culture of caring, civility, and enhance social
emotional competencies?

How does – or might – this work ‘fit’ within your
school?
You and I all know all of this …
What are we doing about it? Really?
Choose being kind over
being right and you’ll be
right every time.”
“
Richard Carlson
PLEASE NEVER,
NEVER FORGET …
The Essence of Compassion
“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate
with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and
tolerant with the weak and wrong …. Because
sometime in your life you will have been all of these.”
Credits













CASEL www.casel.org
David Levine, Building Classroom Communities and Teaching Empathy
Lesley D. Farmer, Esq., Director, Office for Civil Rights, Tennessee Department of
Education
Stan Davis, Empowering Bystanders, Schools Where Everyone Belongs
Dan Olweus, Bullying At School
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, www.clemson.edu/olweus and www.olweus.org
Hazelden, Center City, MN www.hazelden.org
Jeanne Segal, Ph. D
(Goleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam
Books, NY.)
Robert Wm. Blum, MD, Ph.D. University of Minnesota
(National School Climate Council School Climate)
Derek Petersen, Integrative Youth Development)
Adults Who Bully Students Teachers Who Bully Students: Patterns and Policy Implications
Alan McEvoy, 2005
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships
12:12 – 16:15
87
I feel like I belong somewhere else
People think I'm different
Reflections
88

What are your overall reflections about the clip?

What practices do you have questions about?


What seems to be the prevailing mood of the
Principal? The Students?
How do you feel about Alex’s comments?
Bringing Them In???
28:47 – 31:26
89
Reflections
90


What practices were used in this clip that were
inappropriate? Perhaps even potentially placing
the school/district in a vulnerable legal position?
What strategies would you suggest as an
alternative?
What is Empathy?