Brittani Haliburton
English 2010
Brittany Stephenson
Parenting In The Single Lane
Growing up the youngest of five kids was not easy. I was picked on a lot by my siblings
and my cousins for being so called “spoiled” (of course I was). I was my mothers’ pride and joy,
divorced when I was seven, and I took it really hard. My mother felt horrible and from there on
she gave me whatever it was that I wanted, and if she didn’t I would make her life a living h-edouble hockey sticks. I was a terror for my mother, I was very shaken up by the divorce that I
decided to lash out with anger, which mother tried to blanket with material things. She never
gave up on me all she did was love me over and over again, no matter how many stupid things I
would do. She was pretty much a single mother after they divorced and watching her go through
what she went though I vowed never to have children because of there being a chance that I
might be doing it alone.
I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. We had all of sorts of plans to go to college
and get really good jobs and travel the world. However our plan and life were two completely
different things. Shortly after high school I became pregnant. We decided that this would only be
a bump in the road, it would not derail our plans. We decided we didn’t want to become a
statistic, we didn’t want the stigma of what happens to young adults who have children early. We
made the decision that we wouldn’t move in together until the baby was born, and that I wasn’t
going to work I would finish school first and then get a job.
Well as soon as the baby was born, my boyfriend was gone. Not right away but shortly
after. He tried to be there but the young life kept pulling at him. He wanted to hang out with his
friends and not have any responsibilities. At first, I was very angry. I didn’t want to be my
mother. What if my son grows up and turns out just like me? What will my son turn out like
without a father? I instantly we became a statistic. Most studies pretty much suggested that a
child from a single mother home will not achieve much is life. Some of the statistics I have read
state things like 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes, 63% of youth
suicides come are from fatherless homes, and 85% of all youths sitting in prison grow up in
fatherless homes (statistics, 1). I instantly became a statistic.
With all of these thoughts going on in my head I decided that I wasn’t going to be angry.
I decided that I would put all my energy in giving my son the life he deserves. I couldn’t be
angry at something someone else decided do. All I knew was that I would only be what I wanted
to be, not be what the world thought I would be. So I took all the statistics that I read and threw
them out of my head and began the journey that would change my life forever. I took everything
I learned as child and became the best parent I could be.
The first few years were easy, and then my son turned five. It was during his kindergarten
year when he started to question where his dad was and why was I never home with him like the
other mommies? This broke my heart. I wanted to be home with him but I was so busy working a
full time job and going to school at night that I was not able to be at every event like the other
moms. Right be for his fifth birthday we moved to Salt Lake City, Utah. I knew this was where I
wanted to be because of how family oriented this place is. I wanted my son away from falling
victim to the statistics. I didn’t realize that is would be hard for him because most families in our
neighborhood are two parent households, with stay at home moms, who participate in
everything. I started to look like I was the worst mother in the world to my son.
I began to lose focus of why I was never there and felt like buying my son whatever he
wanted would make up for it. Then I realized that this is what my mother did for me. She always
felt bad for me so she would buy me things. I instantly stopped that and decided that the job I
had at the time was a good enough job that I would set school aside and be there for my son
more. This decision took on a life of its own. I became very involved in my son’s school and
extracurricular activities. In doing so I became the target of dirty stares, and whispering behind
my back. At first, I didn’t mind, but then I began to wonder why the other mothers not like me
did. I was a single mother who was beating the odds. We didn’t live in the ghetto, I had a very
nice house and a good paying job, my son was well behaved and did very well in school, I didn’t
understand. But I was foreign to them. I was able to balance a work life and a social life for my
son without the help of a father or a nanny. Don’t get me wrong, I had help here and there from
friends and family but for the most part I was alone.
It was hard and sometimes I spent my nights crying because of how thin I was stretching
myself. I prayed to God to send me some type of help. People don’t understand that under most
hard surfaces is a person dealing with a lot of inner self conflict. I wasn’t sure that I made the
right decision to not keep in contact with his dad, or to not make him be a father, or at least get
child support from him. The anger and that sadness that I would endear over time would finally
get to me. I finally took the time to one day ask one of the mother why they would stare at me
like that. She simply stated ‘because you’re not one of us. You don’t have a husband and your
raising a boy by yourself. Why would you want to raise a boy by yourself? We just don’t
understand?” Yes , this woman that I never got her name said these words to me.
I just laughed and knew I must be doing something right. When you leave people
wondering how a situation can be this way or that, it normal means you have beaten the odds and
people just can’t seem to grasp that concept. I couldn’t have been more proud then after I left
that conversation. When we ended that conversation, she left puzzled and I left happy. There was
nothing that I could tell a woman like her, who is naive to what people can really do in certain
situations, so I choose not to waste my time. I took her questions as a pat on the back for raising
a child like mine. We are all up against some type of statistic, or some type of criticism, but it is
how you handle the situations that will put you on your bottom line. Don’t let someone tell you
who you’re going to be, make that decision for yourself.
Reference List
1. “Statistics of Fatherless America,” www.photius.com , Copyright 2014 Dads4kids.com,
accessed 07/01/2014.