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Bona Fides
Session Goals
Personal Goals
Nature
Nurture
Normal versus Troubled Parenting
Toolbox
Talking shop
Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology (Child and Adolescent)
Private Practice in Adolescent and Family Therapy (20+ years)
Therapeutic Traditions
• Systems Theory
• Solution Oriented/Problem Focused
• Cognitive Behavioral
• Motivation
• Positive Psychology
Raising Teens in the 21st Century
www.drjameswellborn.com
www.jamesgwellbornphd.com
A. Assist an adult client in distinguishing between normative and extreme
adolescent parenting issues
B. Identify and apply 14 self-contained, generalizable parenting strategies
adult clients can use to resolve a wide range of common parenting challenges
C. Describe the basics of effective praise, the elements of a successful family
behavior contract and the components of a 3 tiered model of discipline
D. Translate and apply practical, self-contained parenting strategies within
their psychotherapy framework
 Clinical not empirical
 Applied not theoretical
 Conversational and interactive
 Practical, self-contained formulas
 Opportunity to talk shop
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Fox Film Distributors
Dispositional Characteristics
Gregariousness
Sensation Seeking
Shy/cautious
Sociability
Optimism
Pessimism
Self-control
Highly Sensitive
Reward oriented
Low responsivity to punishment
Bull Headed
Baumrind’s
Baumrind, 1967
Maccoby & Martin, 1983
6 Stages of Parenthood
Stage
Time Period
Task
Galinsky (1987)
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•
•
•
•
Frequent arguments
Slacking off on
schoolwork
Avoids
responsibilities
Talks back
Mild name calling
•
•
•
•
•
Occasional yelling
(1-2xmos)
Sibling conflict
Normative rule
breaking
Surly and
uncommunicative
Pushes limits
•
•
•
•
•
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•
Emotional or Mental
•
Health Issues
•
Extreme personality
•
disposition
•
Persistent academic
failure
•
Persistent lying, esp
when insignificant
•
Ignores or dismisses
punishment
•
Curses parents
Threats, intimidation or
assault
Constant arguments
Screaming arguments
Criminal behavior
Repeated substance
use/abuse
Pervasively negative
interactions
Physically fights with
peers
Parents won’t quit
making it worse
The Look of
Love
5-to-1
No Talk Zones
30
Second
Rule
Knock
Before
Entering
The “Tone”
Time
Out
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Anyone can call it
Must call it on yourself
Everyone must honor it
Move to neutral space
Set time to resume
Meeting is sacrosanct
3Q
3A
Notice Success
If/Then
Not Only/
But Also
Do Overs
Argument Trap
Positive Discipline
Punishment
Fits The Crime
Praise
Liberally
(and sincerely)
Be positive
Be sincere
Be specific
Praise behavior not your kid
Tell them why
Focus on internal standards
Be realistic
No “but”s
Don’t praise everything
Don’t pay
Normalize Failure
Praise qualities you want them to exhibit
Things they can do or act on “That hard work paid off!”
not qualities they have “You’re so smart/talented.”
Identify the positive
rather than pointing out the negative
Build on success
rather than pointing out failure
Pursuing personal goals
rather than responding to external demands
The WAY they did something “You worked hard for that A!”
not just the outcome “A+ That is great!”
Mastery in the form of knowledge and skills
not just performance like victory or grades
Important values or character traits
“I am so proud of how hard you worked.”
not success at all costs “Those schlubs are such losers.”
Success
Effort
Skill
Initiative
Persistence
Risk taking
Character.
Character
Integrity
Responsibility
Compassion
Kindness
Honor
Honesty
Generosity
Courage
Hard Work
Leadership.
Character
but . . .
Character
Moral Credentialing
(Monin & Miller, 2001)
Doing a good deed and feeling morally satisfied
can result in subsequent moral violation
3
Tier
Consequences
Correct
Consequence
Confine
The Family Contract
Lots of arguing?
Kids don’t comply with direct instruction?
Complicated family structure?
Repeated conflict over an issue?
Overscheduled family members?
Family transitions?
Communication Rules
Co-construction
Make A List
One Thing At A Time
Be Specific
Day & Time
No Reminders
Consequence Tied to Task
Review and Revise
The Look of Love
Do Overs
5-to-1
If/Then
No Talk Zones
Not Only/But Also
3Q/3A
Argument Trap
Praise Liberally
Positive Discipline
Notice Success
30 Second Rule
Punishment Fits the
Crime
Time Out
3 Tier Consequences
The “Tone”
Family Contract
 www.DrJamesWellborn.com
 www.JamesGWellbornPhD.com
 Parenting Teens Newsletter
www.drjameswellborn.com/newsletter
 Blogs
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click on the “Articles” tab
Evaluation
www.drjameswellborn.com/survey
Bibliography
• Raising Teens in the 21st Century: A Practical Guide to Effective Parenting by
James G. Wellborn, Ph.D.
• Positive Discipline A to Z by Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott & H. Stephen Glenn
• A Little Book of Parenting Skills: 52 Vital Practices to Help With the Most
Important Job on the Planet by Mark Brady.
• How Not to Embarrass Your Kids: 250 Don’ts for Parents of Teens by Z. Elias &
T. Goldman.
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber &
E. Mazlish
• Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind by
Michael J. Bradley.
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey.
• But I’m Almost 13! : Raising a Responsible Adolescent by Kenneth R. Ginsburg
and Martha M. Jablow
• The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of
Connection and Contentment by Scott Haltzman
• Get Out Of My Life: But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? A
Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager by A. E. Wolf
• http://drjameswellborn.com/references/