Tricky Topics
February 28th, 2013
Counselor Coffee
Timber Monteith and Katelyn Regan
Enduring Understandings
u
u
Middle School students need our guidance
in identifying and work through tricky
situations
Learning and applying skills to work
through tricky situations is an ongoing
process that requires a student and a parent
to work WITH one another
Essential Questions
u
u
u
What are tricky situations that my teen
faces?
What are realistic strategies that I can use to
assist my child in tricky situations?
How do I, as a parent, approach these
conversations to make them meaningful to
my teen?
Tricky Table Talk
u
What are some of the tricky topics that you
know our middle schoolers are facing now
and what will they be facing in the high
school?
We asked the High School
counselors
What are the most important things that you
wish parents had talked to their children
about before entering high school?
What we hear from the
High School
Sex, drugs, alcohol, & smoking!
Work hard, study, have fun, and enjoy life.
Dating – How to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend. How to show honor, respect,
courtesy, etc. to the person you are dating.
Computer/technology use
Peer acceptance/social pressure
Health and wellness (sleep, stress, balance)
What
Whatwe
wehear
hearfrom
fromthe
the
High
HighSchool
School
Self-advocacy: switching from parents being the primary advocate to students
taking on this role. Students need to talk to their teachers, counselors, and
admin. This is an important life skill!
Getting help from the teacher first if they are struggling. Teachers are the first
person you should seek out before running out a paying for an expensive tutor.
Approach the teacher for help.
HS Activities: 3-5 activities that they can dedicate themselves to over 3-4
years is much better than 10 activities with little participation.
Table Talk
Where and from whom did you first learn
about Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, etc.?
Why it is important to talk to
your teen about risky behaviors
The earlier you discuss the dangers of alcohol and drugs, the more likely
they'll be able to make choices to stay drug- and alcohol-free
70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their
parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a
close relationship.
According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to
their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as
having sex without condoms.
Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and
alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about
those subjects.
Proactive ways to help with
Tricky Situations
Talking about tricky situations involves talking about the strengths you want to
instill in your child:
– Honesty, respect for oneself and others, honor, tolerance, caring for
sticking up for what you believe
Have these conservations when everyone is calm.
Set and maintain clear and consistent rules ahead of time.
Spell out consequences ahead of time so it's clear what will happen if rules are
broken
Make the conversations ongoing so they don't seem like "Big Talk”
Proactive ways to help with
Tricky Situations
Do not try to cover everything or too much in one discussion
Choose times when you are not rushed
Discuss sexuality, not just sex. A healthy sexual relationship involves respect,
caring, and responsibility. If you're just out for pleasure, then chances are you
might be using the other person.
Discuss healthy dating
Find out accurate information about HIV/AIDS and STDS, drugs, alcohol
Look at websites together and find current statistics and information
Proactive ways to help with
Tricky Situations
Share your values
Give your child an “out”. “I can’t drink tonight because my mother will kill
me.” or “I have a family obligation tonight, so I can’t go out”
Make your home a place where teenagers feel welcome and want to hang out.
Table Talk
What do you do to be proactive about tricky
situations?
Some good questions to ask…
What kind of physical, mental, and emotional problems do you think drugs can
bring on?
Why do you think kids your age take drugs and get drunk?
What kind of legal trouble can these kids get in?
What will you say or how will you react when someone offers you
drugs/alcohol?
What friends do you have that have the same views about drugs and alcohol
that you have?
How will you handle any curiosity about wanting to try drugs or alcohol?
What do you do when tricky
situations arise?
Understand that a lot of teenagers' difficult behavior is because their brains are
under construction
Avoid power struggles
Stay calm when your teenager can't. Loosen up without letting go.
Model respectful behavior in the way you treat your teenager
Do not accept foul or abusive language from your teenager (It's okay to be
upset, but it's not okay to be mean)
What do you do when tricky
situations arise?
Begin statements with "I" rather than "You” and focus on behavior - Rather
than say "You're really rude." Say "I was really angry when you walked out of
the room when I was talking to you.”
Listening is more important than talking! Don't interrupt!
The more brilliant advice parents give, the more the teen turns off or shuts
down
Ask open-ended questions that do not have any judgment attached (ie. “Tell me
what you like about your new friend” Instead of “Why would you want to hang
out with that boy?”
Parent Action Tool
What is the issue or problem?
How do I feel about it?
What part of this belongs to me and what part is
my teenager’s issue?
What is my range of options?
How much of this can I control? Should I? What is
at stake?
What do I need to teach? To say? To Learn?
What do I need to feel comfortable?
Case Study
Your child’s curfew is 11:00 on Friday
nights, but he/she comes home at 12:30 and
you smell alcohol on his/her breath.
What is your Anti-Drug?
Most kids have something special in their lives—something important
enough to stand between them and drugs. That is their "Anti-Drug.”
Your role? Encourage and help them identify their Anti-Drugs.
Drug prevention is more than teaching them to say “no.” It also means
teaching them to say “yes”—to themselves and to responsibility.
Table Talk
What is your child’s anti-drug?
5 Ways
to encourage self-control
1. Teach your child to talk to him/herself. New reasearch from the University of
Toronto states that inner voice plays an important role in controlling impulsive behavior.
2. Play memory games. Other research links improved impulse control to short-term
memory training. Enhanced memory lightens the “cognitive load” of the frontal cortex.
3. Be a role model.
4. Stay positive. Negativity inhibits executive functioning development.
5. Get moving. Increase levels of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin in the
brain..
http://parentingteens.about.com/od/agesandstages/a/parenting_quiz.htm
Taking Positive Risks
This risk-taking behavior can be both
harmful and helpful.
We know that our teenagers are “wired” to
look for an adrenaline rush that come with
risk-taking… So how can we provide
opportunities for them to take positive
risks?
“A Spin on Risk-taking Behavior as an Expression of Positive Youth
Development” by Shelly D. Mahon
Social Risks
Make new friends
Sit somewhere new at lunch
Take a leadership role in a club or a group
Physical Risks
Join a sports team. Take some risks on the
field or on the court.
Give them opportunities to try skateboarding,
mountain biking, skiing, rock climbing, white
water rafting, surfing etc. but make sure they
have all the right equipment and are doing it in
a safe environment.
–
These develop initiative and personal discipline
Political Risks
Give them opportunities to make a
difference in their community or in
someone else’s community
Encourage them to have an opinion and
voice it (through writing, speaking, or art)
Be a part of an active community group
Creative Risks
Through the arts: drama, choir, visual arts,
reciting poetry, or performing in a
community production
Take part in a talent show
–
These activities develop both skills and
confidence
Competitive Risks
Give them opportunities to compete
Any kind of games – sports, cards, board
games
Enter a competition - singing or dancing
competition, a cook-off, a design
competition
–
Whether they win or lose, use it as a teachable
moment and opportunity for them to learn
without being a failure
I loved you enough…..
Create your own line for this Poem and
share with your table.
Resources:
Talking with kids about tough issues:
http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/talking_with_kids//drugs.html
Smarter Parenting, Smarter Kids – David Walsh PhD
Raising Children Who Think for Themselves – Elisa Medhus MD
Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Drugs & Choices – D. Capello & X.
Becher
Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex & Character – P. Schwartz & D.
Cappello
The Family Virtues Guide – Simple Ways to Bring out the Best in our Children & Ourselves –
L. Kavelin Popov
A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids about Sex – Kathy F. Bell
www.healthandlearning.org/act51/resources/schoolclimate/antidrug.pdf
Encouraging self control: http://parentingteens.about.com/
Teenage Risky Behavior Got You Worried? Assess His Risk Factors; Learn What You Can Do
By Sue Blaney
“A Spin on Risk-taking Behavior as an Expression of Positive Youth Development” by Shelly D.
Mahon