CONFLICT
“RESOLVING TERRITORIAL CONFLICTS BY USING POWER IS THE MOST
ANCIENT WAY AND STILL MUCH PRACTICED” – DAN DANA
Objectives
•
•
•
•
•
•
What is it?
Levels
Thinking strategically about it
The psychology behind it
Tools
The conversation
What is it?

Your definition?

A condition between people
• who are task interdependent,
• where one or both feel angry,
• find fault with the other, and
• use behaviors that cause a business
problem.
What behaviors tell us it’s present?
Usually what happens….
• Most are prevented automatically every day by using
social skills we have learned from the University of
Life (Mom’s knee).
• But…..sometimes things escalate.
How do we typically handle?

Fight?
or

Flight?
Are there different levels of Conflict?
• Blip Mild and passes quickly. Not a pattern.
• Clash – Fight or flight,
tension, stress, anger
• Crisis –
Violation of law, relationship is clearly on the
verge of termination, risk of violence
The Cycle (Biological)
•
•
•
•
•
Trigger
Perception of threat (thoughts)
Anger (feelings)
Acting out (behaviors)
Example
Can we stop the cycle?
• Triggers?
Probably not – we react
• Perception?
Maybe
• Anger
Normal & healthy – can’t chose not to be
• Acting out
There is a choice
First….
◦ We must recognize the need to have a
conversation and
then have the conversation….
How do we do that?
• Have a pre-meeting
• Prepare
• Hold the meeting & ensure agreement
• Have follow ups
The Other Cycle (also Biological)
•
•
•
•
•
Conciliatory Gesture (Person A)
Inhibitory reflex (Person B)
Conciliatory Gesture (Person B )
Conciliatory Gesture (Person A)
Example
The Cost
Team Mediation
Step 1 - Define the Issue
• This may take some thought. Helpful to refer
to the conflict definition.
Step 2 - Define the Parties
• Who specifically is directly involved?
• Involve those who will offer ideas for solution,
those you need buy in from and will be
committed to the decision.
Step 3 - Get the Parties to the Table
Send notification of the meeting – cc anyone that
should have knowledge of it (no hidden agendas).
Speak to all attendees to cover ground rules
Don’t expect everyone to be thrilled.
Step 4 -Help the Parties
define their interests

What is at stake (& what matters most) for
each person at the table?

Ask for clarification if needed

If a solution is found that satisfies
all interests, is problem solved?
Step 5 - Brainstorm Options
• Nominal Group Technique (NGT) modified for Team
mediation (ie: Delbecq, Van de Ven & Gustafson –
Greenbriar Press)
____________________________________
• 1 - Ask each person to write down 3 ideas that may solve
or address
• 2 - Go around the table - each person reports one idea
• 3 - Continue until all ideas are recorded. When a person
runs out of ideas, they pass. This continues until
everyone passes.
More of Step 5
• 4 - Facilitator reviews all by reading each one
aloud
• 5- Each person selects their favorite 5 (or 3,
etc.) Choose wisely – go with best options and
team’s favorite.
• 6 – The list is read again. If the idea read is on
someone’s favorite list, they raise their hand;
votes are recorded
Step 6 - Test Options
• Are anyone’s interests negatively affected if
we implement these ideas?
• If not, majority rules. If so, discuss further.
Step 7 - Action Plan & Commitment
• Detailed and specific – and a form of a contract
• How, who, how long, what deadline, what
support and from who? (Specific)
• Ask for commitment from each
Preventative Mediation
• What is it?
• Should be practiced daily
Preventative Mediation
• Break the pattern – opting not to continue
current behavior
• Common sense – not rocket science
• Feelings as data – step back and analyze. Use
time as your ally
EXAMPLES
• YOU JUST DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER (DISTANCING) –
YOU MAKE THE EFFORT
• POWER PLAY/DEMANDING
CO-WORKERS – ASK FOR COOPERATION
• CRABBY ALL THE TIME/CRITICAL – OVERRIDE
NATURAL INSTINCTS & ASK FOR INPUT/ADVICE
Examples
• If someone extends a conciliatory gesture,
return it!
•For an emotional encounter - take the cognitive
route, not the emotional one – step back
(feelings as data)
As Professionals….
• Be sensitive to the relationships of your coworkers.
• Analyze any conflict to determine all the
causes – the better you understand, the more
effectively you can resolve.