Diagnostic Essay Feedback
•Students take notes on feedback.
Teacher will use ELMO and the
PowerPoint to explain.
Overall
1. avoid slang: wanna, gonna
2. 3rd person. Do not use the 1st or 2nd person (I,
me, my, our, we, us, your, you)
3. use varied + appropriate transitions
4. difference between: there, their, they’re.
– Over there, they’re my friends in their car.
5. Vary diction (word choice). Ex: creepy,
creepy, creepy… Try “sinister, evil”…
6. Now in days (nowadays)
7. Take notes from my comments on your essay
Introduction
1. Engaging opening = factual statement, a
truism
2. Increase your ethos (credibility) as a writer
by knowing your topic well and integrating
appropriate support
3. hint at topic, then end with your proposition
about the topic. Take a clear stance in your
thesis, and support your stance throughout
your essay.
Introduction: discuss
Some people do not like
the way the internet works
now in days. Some are for
and others are against.
Personally I agree on how
the internet is run these
days. My reasons why are
as follows.
Introduction: discuss
Internet is a source of communication,
information, and entertainment. However,
many people are not aware of the hidden
tracking that lies behind a simple click of the
mouse. Online trackers keep up with
everything one views online and intentionally
send ads that appeal to the interests of a
specific person. Online tracking without a
person’s consent is unethical because it
violates privacy and persuades a person to buy
products without his being aware of it
Body A (Your claim + argument)
1. Incorporate direct quotations (must have
textual evidence/quotes) as support for
your POV (logos)
2. develop clear topic sentences
3. TS is not the same as CS
4. quoting a quote “….. ‘….’ ….” “We
sometimes think the ads following us
around are ‘creepy’” ( ).
5. Cite other people’s words/ideas “….” (#).
Don't overuse emotional appeals (pathos)
Body A: Discuss
Due to the fact that companies track you
online, it will most certainly help you when
you want good deals on stuff you may wanna
buy. A support of this is that “all the
advertising ecosystem that supports free
online content” (2), allows people to search
sites for free. All they have to tolerate is the
pop-up ads that occur so that we can have
free access. Companies also do this to get
there advertising and sales up, and it works
for them. Those are some examples and
reasons why it is good for them to do that.
Body B: The Counter-argument
1. Acknowledge and refute the counterargument.
2. Use proper transitions (However, On the
other hand,….)
Body B: Discuss
•
On the other hand, these companies excuse their
behavior because in return customers get free online
content (Madrigal 2). However, simply receiving free
online content does not justify violating people’s
privacy. This is a much bigger issue that cannot be
solved easily. Stated in the article these sinister
companies really have no interest for the user privacy
or rights. For example, “…these are the tools that allow
websites to eke out a tiny bit more money than they
otherwise would” (Madrigal 21). In other words, the
companies are admitting they really don’t care for their
users privacy as long as they make more money. These
online companies have no ethics and morals. It seems
to come down to profit, and as long as these
advertising companies continue to make money, they
will excuse themselves of the crime of invading one’s
privacy.
The Conclusion
1. Maintain your stance/proposition/claim (be
persuasive to the last word). Don’t be
wishy-washy.
– Ex: All in all, people have different opinions
about this. The thing one should remember is
that everyone is being watched; freedoms are
gone. Think twice, is it actually a good or a bad
thing?
2. Be insightful
Conclusion: Discuss
The companies tracking users are
not bad guys. They’re good guys doing
something wrong for the greater good.
They’re like misunderstood
superheroes just trying to save people
money by “…[supporting] free
content” (Madrigal 2) by placing ads to
expose customers to products and in
turn, generating revenue for their
company.