Name __________________________
Learning Objective
Today, we will revise writing to improve organization1 of ideas within paragraphs.
1
the way different parts work together
CFU
What are we going to do today? Today, we will revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
What are we going to revise? We will revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
What does organization mean?
Organization means the way different parts work together.
Activate (or provide) Prior Knowledge
When you write a composition, it has three main parts:
• Introduction – introduces the topic and main points to cover
• Body – gives additional details about topic and main points
• Conclusion – wraps up or summarizes the ideas
Here are three passages. Which order is best for a composition?
Passages
A. Some have wings or hairs to catch the wind, so they will be spread out over long distances. Other
seeds have parts, such as barbs or hooks, to catch on the fur and feathers of animals. These seeds
spread by taking a ride until they fall off the animal.
B. So you see, seeds have special features that help them grow in many places.
C. Plants produce different kinds of seeds that have unique ways to spread to new places.
1. Which passage is best for the Introduction? C
A
2. Which passage is best for the Body?
3. Which passage is best for the Conclusion? B
CFU
Teacher completes #1; students complete #2 & #3. Students, you know how to organize a composition into three main parts. That
organization can be improved by revising it. Today, we will revise writing to improve the organization of ideas within paragraphs.
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Concept Development
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Example:
Learning Basketball
1. What is the main
idea (most general
point) of paragraph
1? Sentence 1 is, so
we circle it.
1. Learning to play basketball takes practice. 2. Basketball
includes a group of skills that you can get better at over time. 3.
Like anything else, you need to start slow, and keep practicing.
3. What is the main
idea of paragraph 2?
Sentence 4 is, so we
circle it.
4. We suggest that you focus on learning the basic fundamentals.
5. Unfortunately, most people don't really understand what
fundamentals means. 6. The fundamentals include working on
the little things that make you better. 7. Like any sport, no matter
what your age, you need a good diet to be successful! 8. The
fundamentals of shooting, for example, include proper foot
alignment, leg bend, hand position, arm angle, follow-through, and
so on.
5. What is the main
idea of paragraph 3?
Sentence 9 is, so we
circle it.
7. Can we add
sentence X to
paragraph 1? Yes,
we can because it
talks about the main
idea of practicing.
9. Finally, you must remember that basketball really includes a lot
of skills. 10. Shooting isn’t everything! 11. Arm angle is the most
important skill. 12. There are also fundamentals of dribbling,
defense, rebounding, and passing. 13. If you go slow and learn
the basics in each area, then you’ll be a big help to your team.
X. Everyone who wants to play, even famous players like Kobe
Bryant, have to put in the time to practice.
Y. No player ever became great just on shooting ability.
Adapted from http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com
CFU
In your own words, what does it mean to revise writing? What is one way to revise writing?
How do you know that a sentence in a paragraph should be added or removed?
Which is a good detail to add under a main idea of “Pets are good for kids.”
2. Does every
sentence in
paragraph 1 relate to
the main idea?
Yes, they are all
about practicing.
4. Does every
sentence in
paragraph 2 relate to
the main idea?
Sentence 7 does not,
so we delete it.
6. Does every
sentence in paragraph
3 relate to the main
idea?
Sentence 11 does not,
so we delete it.
8. Can we add
sentence Y to
Paragraph 3? Yes, we
can because it relates
to the main idea that a
lot of skills are needed,
not just shooting.
a. Kids learn to be responsible by taking care of a pet. b. Labradors have short fur.
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Importance
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
• Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
• Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
• Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
It is important to revise writing to improve the organization of ideas within paragraphs
because it helps you to:
1. stay on topic so the reader can follow your ideas.
Original: Wearing glasses is about seeing better. It’s not just a fashion statement. Black frames are the best. It’s no fun
seeing the world blurry. You can choose contacts or glasses, but the important thing is having lenses that correct your
vision.
Revised: Wearing glasses is about seeing better. It’s not just a fashion statement. It’s no fun seeing the world blurry. You
can choose contacts or glasses, but the important thing is having lenses that correct your vision.
2. do well on the CST.
CFU
Does anyone else have another reason why it is important to revise writing to
improve the organization of ideas within paragraphs? (pair-share) Why is it
important to revise writing to improve the organization of ideas within
paragraphs? You may give me one of my reasons or one of your own. Which
reason is most important to you? Why?
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Skill Development/Guided Practice
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
Presidents’ Wives
1. Americans have always been interested in their presidents' wives. 2. Many first ladies
have been remembered because of the ways they have influenced their husbands. 3. Other first
ladies have made the history books on their own. 4. A first lady always has to be concerned
about fashion.
5. Their influence took many forms throughout the years. 6. Lady Bird Johnson made it her
business to send signals during her husband’s speeches. 7. When Lady Bird Johnson thought her
husband was talking too long, she wrote a note and sent it up to the platform. 8. It read, “It's
time to stop!” 9. And he did. 10. When Eliza Johnson married Andrew, our 17th president, he
could not read or write. 11. So she taught him herself. 12. One of the most famous First Ladies
was Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 13. She was active in
political and social causes throughout her husband's tenure2 in office. 14. Thomas Jefferson’s
daughter Martha served as his first lady.
15. Being the wife of the president has become an important government duty. 16. In fact,
many of the ladies who held this position exercised a strong influence not only on their husband
but also on the country. 17. First ladies today have realized the importance of their role and
promote specific issues.
207 words
2
length of time in office
1. Which of these sentences would be best to
add after sentence 13?
a. She set the standard for the modern first lady.
b. Eleanor had two daughters.
c. She wore glasses and fancy hats.
d. She helped him when he got sick.
2. Which of these sentences would be best to
add after sentence 17?
a. First lady is an appointed position.
b. Some first ladies were too powerful.
c. They always greet the Queen if she visits.
d. Two examples are Laura Bush on literacy and
Michele Obama on obesity.
3. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 1st paragraph?
a. Americans have always been interested in
their presidents’ wives.
b. Many first ladies have been remembered ….
c. Other first ladies have made the history
books…
d. A first lady always has to be concerned
about fashion.
4. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 2nd paragraph?
a. Lady Bird Johnson made it her business….
b. When Eliza Johnson married Andrew ….
c. One of the most famous first ladies was
Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of ….
d. Thomas Jefferson’s daughter Martha
served….
CFU
How did I know what to circle? How did I know what to underline? How did I answer the questions? How did you know what to circle? How
did you know what to underline? How did you answer the questions?
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Closure
1.
2.
3.
In your own words, what does it mean to revise writing?
What did you learn today about revising writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs? Why is that
important to you? (pair-share)
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs below.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
Adapted from article by Mary Bellis at
http://inventors.about.com/od/tstarti
nventions/a/Toy_Inventions_2.htm
The Story of Toys
1. Toys as a "big business" did not begin until after the 1830s. 2. Then, steamboats and steam trains made it easier to get
products to stores. 3. Early toys were made of wood, tin, or cast iron, and involved simple things like horses, soldiers, and
wagons.
4. Today, toy makers adapt their toys to meet the changing demands of children. 5. In recent years, many toys have added
flashing lights and sounds for children raised around television and the Internet. 6. Batteries have become a big business. 7. The
most common types of toys include construction sets (like Lincoln Logs or Legos), dolls and stuffed animals (like Barbie or
Elmo), vehicles, puzzles (like Rubik’s Cube), and physical action (like balls and yo-yos). 8. Video games have also become
popular since the 1970s.
9. Toys always teach children about the world around them. 10. They give kids a chance to experience construction, take
care of others, or solve problems. 11. And they are also fun!
167 words
1. Which sentence would be best to add after sentence 8?
a. Popular video games include Pac-Man, Zelda, Mario, and Fable.
b. Video games are too electronic to be considered a toy.
c. Some people say Xbox is the best system.
d. Video games are too expensive to be a toy.
2. Which sentence would be best to remove from the 2nd paragraph?
a.
Today, toy makers adapt their toys to meet the changing demands of children.
b.
In recent years, many toys have added flashing lights and sounds for children raised around television and the Internet.
c.
Batteries have become big business.
d.
Video games have also become popular since the 1970s.
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Independent Practice
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
History of Roller Skating
1. Roller skating has only been available in the last 300 years. 2. It started in the
early 1700s in Holland when an unknown Dutchman decided to go “ice skating” in the
summer. 3. He nailed wooden spools to strips of wood and attached them to his shoes.
4. In 1760, a London inventor, Joseph Merlin, attended a party wearing one of his new
inventions, metal-wheeled boots. 5. He tried to make a grand entrance by rolling in
while playing the violin. 6. But he couldn’t stop and crashed into the mirrored wall.
7. Modern skating, however, developed in America. 8. In 1863, American James
Plimpton made a skate with two parallel sets of wheels. 9. This design allowed skaters
to move in a smooth curve, to turn easily, and to skate backwards. 10. In 1979, the
Olson brothers invented in-line skates. 11. They put the wheels all in a line and used
modern materials. 12. This became what we know as roller blades. 13. In-line skates
were banned from roller derbies. 14. In 1993, Bert Lovitt and Warren Winslow invented
a skate that can go on all types of surfaces. 15. It uses 2 large, side-mounted, out-ofline angled wheels. 16. More skaters are trying these Landrollers because they are
safer and more fun.
17. Today, roller skating has become popular for fitness programs, for athletes
on teams, and for kids. 18. It’s fun to move faster than walking, and skaters can do
tricks as well. 19. My favorite trick is a one-wheel spin. 20. Putting wheels on our feet, a
novel idea back in the 1700s, is now an exciting, high-tech way to get around and enjoy
life.
259 words
Adapted from http://www.landroller.com/history-of-roller-skates.htm
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
1. Which of these sentences would be best to
add before sentence 4?
a. Some inventors are never known.
b. Roller skating had a crash introduction in
England.
c. The Dutch were the best skaters.
d. The first roller skates were made of plastic.
2. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 2nd paragraph?
a. They put the wheels all in a line and used
modern materials.
b. This became what we know as roller blades.
c. In-line skates were banned from roller derbies.
d. It uses two large, side-mounted, out-of-line angled
wheels.
3. Which of these sentences would be best to
add before sentence 16?
a. These wheels give a smoother ride.
b. In-line skates are heavier.
c. Bert and Warren were not brothers.
d. Angled wheels tip over easily.
4. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 3rd paragraph?
a. Today, roller skating has become popular for
fitness programs.
b. It’s fun to move faster than walking, and skaters
can do tricks as well.
c. My favorite trick is a one-wheel spin.
d. Putting wheels on our feet, a novel idea back in
the 1700s, is now an exciting, high-tech way to
get around and enjoy life.
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Periodic Review 1
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
The Hula Hoop
1. The hula hoop is an ancient invention. 2. No modern company and no single
inventor can claim that they invented the first hula hoop. 3. The Greeks used hooping
as a form of exercise. 4. However, it still didn’t help them lose weight. 5. Older hoops
were made from metal, bamboo, wood, grasses, and even vines. 6. In the early 1800s,
British sailors first witnessed hula dancing in the Hawaiian Islands. 7. Hula dancing and
hooping look similar and the name "hula hoop" came together.
8. However, modern companies "re-invented" the hula hoop using new materials.
9. Also, plastic hula hoops have been made with bits of glitter and noise makers.
10. The hula hoop became popular in America in 1958. 11. The Wham-O company sold
twenty million hula hoops for $1.98 in the first six months. 12. Wham-O was founded by
Richard Knerr and Arthur "Spud" Melin.
13. Today, many people are setting world records with hula hoops. 14. On June 4,
2005, Australian Kareena Oates set a record for hula hooping -- spinning 100 hoops at
one time for three full revolutions. 15. The world record for the largest hula hoop (by
circumference) spun was set by American Ashrita Furman at 51.5 feet on June 1, 2007.
Adapted from an article by Mary Bellis at http://inventors.about.com/od/hstartinventions/a/Hula_Hoop.htm
175 words
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
1. Which of these sentences would be best to
add after sentence 8?
a. Plastic hoops became the new standard.
b. They also made bracelets.
c. Some tried to find new ways to spin the hoop.
d. But the old materials were more popular.
2. Which sentence would be best to
remove from the 1st paragraph?
a. The hula hoop is an ancient invention.
b. The Greeks used hooping as a form of exercise.
c. However, it still didn’t help them lose weight.
d. Older hoops were made from metal, bamboo,
wood, grasses, and even vines.
3. Which of these sentences would be best to
add before sentence 13?
a. Hula hoops have come from ancient cultures.
b. The history of hula hoops is continuing in new
ways today.
c. Wham-O is not the only company selling hula
hoops.
d. The smallest hula hoop is really a bracelet.
4. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 2nd paragraph?
a. However, modern companies “re-invented” the
hula hoop using new materials.
b. Also, plastic hula hoops have been made with bits
of glitter and noise makers.
c. The hula hoop became popular in America in
1958.
d. Wham-O was founded by Richard Knerr and
Arthur “Spud” Melin.
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Periodic Review 2
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
History of Writing Tools
1. Writing has advanced quite a bit since the early cavemen wrote on cave walls with
a sharpened stone. 2. From that rough beginning, mankind developed the alphabet,
different kinds of paper, and a variety of inks. 3. But the writing tool took some time to
improve.
4. For nearly a thousand years, the quill pen (made of a bird feather) was the main
writing tool. 5. It had to be dipped into ink regularly and only lasted about a week.
6. Goose feathers were the most common. 7. In the 1800s, inventors tried to make a
holder for ink inside the pen to reduce dipping and avoid splatters. 8. This led to the
development of the fountain pen. 9. Fountain pens are still used today. 10. These pens
were popular until the first ballpoint pen was invented by a newspaper reporter from
Hungary named Laszlo Biro in 1938. 11. He put a small ball bearing in the tip of the
pen. 12. This ball rotated as the pen moved, picking up ink and leaving it on the paper.
13. Today, the modern version of Biro's pen has sales of 14 million pens a day.
14. Some black ballpoint pens produce more than 28,000 linear feet of writing -- more
than five miles, before running out of ink. 15. How would you like to test that? 16. We’ve
come a long way from sharp stones on cave walls!
Adapted from an article by Mary Bellis at http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blpen.htm
221 words
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
1. Which of these sentences would be best to
add after sentence 6?
a. Crow feathers were used for fine lines.
b. There were a lot of protests about taking feathers
from the birds.
c. Only left-wing feathers were used.
d. Colored feathers were a fashion statement.
2. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 2nd paragraph?
a. For nearly a thousand years, the quill pen (made
of a bird feather) was the main writing tool.
b. This led to the development of the fountain pen.
c. Fountain pens are still used today.
d. He put a small ball bearing in the tip of the pen.
3. Which of these sentences would be best to
add before sentence 15?
a. The ballpoint pen clicked up and down.
b. The ball got stuck a lot.
c. This led to the felt-tip marker.
d. It was an invention that changed writing as we
know it today!
4. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 3rd paragraph?
a. Today, the modern version of Biro’s pen has
sales of 14 million pens a day.
b. Some black ballpoint pens produce more than
28,000 linear feet of writing—more than five
miles, before running out of ink.
c. How would you like to test that?
d. We’ve come a long way from sharp stones on
cave walls!
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Periodic Review 3
To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.
 Revise paragraphs so the ideas move from general (main idea) to specific (details).
 Revise details so they all relate to the main idea of the paragraph.
 Revise by adding or deleting sentences.
Revise writing to improve organization of ideas within paragraphs.
Step #1: Read the passage.
a. Circle the main idea in each paragraph.
b. Underline any detail that does not relate to each main idea.
Step #2: Answer the questions. Hint: Refer to your circling and underlining for help.
The Story of Shoes
1. Shoes were needed when early man moved from warm climates into colder regions. 2. Then, feet
needed protection from the environment. 3. Usually animal skins were used for the soles and tied with thin
strips of leather. 4. However, about 1600-1200 BCE, a type of soft shoe was worn by the mountain people
who lived on the border of Iran. 5. It was made of wraparound leather, similar to a moccasin. 6. The most
common footwear in history, however, has been sandals, which consists of a hard sole attached to the foot
with laces.
7. In the Middle Ages, footwear was actually a symbol of your rank in society. 8. The upper class wore
long pointed shoes, while the working class had to have shorter toes. 9. High heels came into fashion for
both men and women. 10. The higher your shoes, the more important you were. 11. Modern shoes are
made by sewing together the soles to the uppers (made of leather, canvas, cotton, etc.). 12. Shoes were
commonly fastened with buckles. 13. The Pilgrims had buckles on their shoes. 14. The modern shoestring
(string and shoe holes) was first invented in England in 1790. 15. Eventually, rubber was discovered and
used for soles to develop the popular sneakers. 16. The first rubber-soled shoes were made in the United
States in the late 1800s. 17. By 1917, Keds shoes were the first canvas-top sneakers. 18. They were
called sneakers because the rubber sole made the shoe very quiet as you walked.
19. Today, several companies make rubber-soled sneakers. 20. There are dance sneakers, casual
sneakers, and athletic sneakers for both men and women. 21. Air Jordans are the best. 22. There are cute
designs and dazzling colors. 23. Both young and old people now see sneakers as fashionable. 24. Of
course, sandals, boots, and regular shoes are still worn today. 25. But sneakers now rival sandals as the
most common shoe in the world.
307 words
Adapted from http://inventors.about.com/od/sstartinventions/a/Shoes.htm
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
1. Which of these sentences would be best to
add after sentence 6?
a. The best sandals today are flip-flops.
b. Sandals today are made of rubber.
c. Sandals were easy to make and worn by rich and
poor.
d. Moccasins, however, were worn by Indians.
2. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 2nd paragraph?
a. In the Middle Ages, footwear was actually a
symbol of your rank in society.
b. High heels came into fashion for both men and
women.
c. The higher your shoes, the more important you
were.
d. The Pilgrims had buckles on their shoes.
3. Which of these sentences would be best to
add before sentence 16?
a. Shoes were also made of fur.
b. High heels or pumps are also modern.
c. A big change occurred when machines started to
produce shoes.
d. Fancy shoes are still popular today.
4. Which sentence would be best to remove from
the 3rd paragraph?
a. Today, several companies make rubber-soled
sneakers.
b. Both young and old people now see sneakers as
fashionable.
c. Air Jordans are the best.
d. There are cute designs and dazzling colors.
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.
Blank Page
DataWORKS Educational Research
(800) 495-1550 • www.dataworks-ed.com
©2011 All rights reserved.
Comments? feedback@dataworks-ed.com
6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)
Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and
between paragraphs.
Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.