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Megan Bennett
Jaquelyn N. Mantyla
English 1010 – 008
July 28, 2015
Perfectionism: The Reality Behind the Mask
Have you ever been referred to as a perfectionist? I remember attempting to compliment my mom
on her dedicated work ethic while studying for a test that would give her licensure to become a Marriage
and Family Therapist. I saw her devotion, long hours balancing being a mom in the morning and a student
at night. The assignments she produced seemed flawless and I couldn’t have been more proud to be her
daughter. I remember turning to her one day and offering the most profound compliment I could think of,
“Mom, you are such a perfectionist!” This happened on a number of occasions. Each time she would
surprise me with a disgusted hurt look on her face and say, “That’s not a compliment to me, and I don’t
appreciate being referred to as a perfectionist.” To me, an enthusiastic high schooler, this was a
compliment: to her, an aspiring marriage and family therapist, it was practically an insult.
Understanding how this demented perception perfectionism came to be and what perfectionism
truly is will keep those looking to succeed from getting in the way of their own progression.
Perfectionism is the paralyzing poison that turns work into regimen, school into slavery, and social life
into constant comparison. Many view perfectionism as the companion and precursor to success, when in
reality the term “perfectionist” refers to someone motivated by the fear of failure and it can quickly
become a danger to one’s health. Perfectionism is fueled by the fear of failure, linked to unhealthy
emotional and psychological instabilities, and is an increasing danger which affects countless people.
Understanding the difference between ambition and perfectionism (often referred to in the medical field
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as adaptive perfectionism versus maladaptive perfectionism) will promote increased overall health and
productivity to those hoping to excel in all aspects of life, from work to recreation.
In order to avoid the negative effects of perfectionism, we must first learn what it is, why it is so
prevalent, and what causes it. Michael Brunstein, Psyd, a Doctor of Psychology with his own private
practice in New York City and New Jersey, defines in his book, “Perfectionism a Guide for Mental
Health Professionals,” the defines “self-oriented” perfectionism as “setting incredibly high personal
standards” (Brunstein 4). He then goes on to further explain; “the standards set by perfectionists are …
unrealistic. Their goals are not just to excel but to be perfect and to avoid failing at any cost” (Brunstein
4). We can see here that perfectionists are not simply motivated to do well, they are shooting to be
“perfect” and to “avoid failing at any cost.” Everyone wants to succeed, however, these desires get out of
hand when they are based upon unrealistic expectations that cannot be met. Brunstein illustrates this point
by giving an example of an athlete in a wrestling match: “For example … a self-oriented perfectionist
who performed perfectly in a wrestling match, still feels dejected. The athlete, despite achieving his initial
goal, may continue to be dissatisfied because he felt that he had to prepare more than appropriate or more
than the ideal amount of time” (Brunstein 4). In this example we see how perfectionism is not about
simply winning, it is the underlying drive to constantly perform above and beyond what is achievable. It
is never satisfied. Motivated by fear of failure, it leads the bearer to feel they are never enough. You may
be thinking, “but if I were to just settle, I would never push myself and I could not improve!” I agree;
however, it is important to understand that “pushing yourself” is good as long as it is within the bounds of
reality. Remember, standards of a perfectionist are unrealistic: they are unattainable and constantly out of
reach. A major cause of perfectionistic thoughts lies in setting unattainable goals that can actually become
destructive because the bearer will never be enough.
On the same note, it has been observed that perfectionism can actually be counter-productive.
Gordon L. Flett, Ph.D, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at York University, Paul L.
Hewitt, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the
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University of Ottawa, Kirk R. Blankstein, Ph.D, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology,
and Spomenka Koledin, a graduate student from York University, state in their research, “Components of
Perfectionism And Procrastination in College Students,” in the “Journal of Rational-Emotive CognitiveBehavioral Therapy.” Their research brings to light important aspects of perfectionism in college
students. In their studies they found a strong correlation between perfectionism and “academic
procrastination”(qtd. in Flett 91). The perfectionistic desires for great achievement are revealed to have
little to do with effective planning or goal setting. These unrealistic desires turn into looming, impossible
tasks that are put off and procrastinated because of the impossibility of it all. Then, when it comes down
to crunch time, students are left overly stressed and incapable of achieving what they had anticipated
being able to accomplish. The link between perfectionism and procrastination is proof that perfectionism
is lead by unrealistic goals and fears and produces a lower result than if tasks or assignments were
planned and guided by realistic goal setting.
These unrealistic goals and fears are often linked to emotional or mental illness. There are many
disorders associated with perfectionism. As a therapist, Michael Brunstein noticed that a high amount of
his patents demonstrated perfectionistic tendencies by having, “extremely high standards for themselves
and others” (Brunstein 4) He then mentions how he began to realize that the “trait of perfectionism” is
widespread among “clinical populations because it predisposes individuals to numerous
psychopathologies ranging from anxiety, depression, and personality disorders” (Brunstein vii) In other
words, where there is perfectionism, there is likely another form of emotional/mental illness attached. I
remember discovering this for my self after spending some time away from home in a foreign country.
We were not under parental supervision, and I put it on myself to be the mom of our apartment. I
remembered how my mom seemed to be perfect, she always knew what to do and she never let important
things fall through the cracks. I remember feeling this pressure build and realized I had a problem when I
found myself ritually getting up three consecutive times each night just to make sure the door was locked
before allowing myself to go to bed. I remember feeling trapped, like I would never know enough to be
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successful or keep everyone safe, along with constantly feeling sick and exhausted from the full work
load, I began spiraling into immobilizing depression. My constant need to perform at one hundred
percent, one hundred percent of the time kept me from pacing myself and led me to believe if I could not
do things perfectly I was incapable of doing them altogether. This struggle with perfectionism, like
Brunstein mentioned, went hand in hand with my depression and anxiety.
Parenting styles can greatly influence perfectionistic tendencies. Students especially, can feel
pressured by their parent’s expectation for them to succeed. Xiaopeng Gong, a member of the division of
teacher education at West Oregon University, along with Kathryn L. Fletcher, and Jocelyn H. Bolin –
members of the Department of Educational Psychology at Ball State University – published a study, in
July 2015, in the “Journal of Counseling and Development,” entitled, “Dimensions Of Perfectionism
Mediate The Relationship Between Parenting Styles And Coping." This study suggests that stricter
parenting styles can heighten perfectionistic tendencies in their children. The article illuminates this
connection by stating, “Authoritarian parenting … was positively associated with … perfectionism … .In
line with the Social Reaction Model, children raised by parents who were rigid and controlling were more
likely to develop perfectionism” (Gong 265). Ironically, despite parents’ best efforts to authoritatively
guide them, the children develop perfectionism and become at risk for developing dangerous coping
strategies, which can easily lead to the emotional and psychological disorders mentioned earlier. I
remember watching many classmates cringe after getting handed back a less than exceptional test score:
“my parents are going to kill me!” they would worry. This fear of failure is not derived out of a desire to
learn and succeed; it’s a result of unrealistic expectations from parents projected onto their children.
Specifically referring to college students, this study advises counselors to pay special attention to
“students who are overly concerned about making mistakes, as well as those who are doubtful about
whether to take action [because they] tend to cope with stress by avoiding or denying the stressors and are
at higher risk for using alcohol and drugs to get away from stressful situations” (Gong 265). While many
view perfectionists as people only striving to do their best, this study shows how perfectionism can
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actually become a barrier to that success they crave. We can conclude that “authoritative” parents who
hold their children to impractical expectations are setting them at higher risk for inadequate and
dangerous coping strategies which can in turn lead to depression, anxiety, and other personality disorders.
There are many successful figures in American society who find themselves struggling under the
influence of perfectionism and its corresponding psychological disorders. Take Steve Jobs for example –
famous for his Apple products and his role in the computer revolution of the 1970’s, Steve jobs has
become a legendary model of success. Walter Isaacson, Jobs’ biographer, hints at his perfectionistic
qualities in the opening pages of his biography, “[his] passion for perfection and ferocious drive
revolutionized six industries: personal computers, animated movies, music, phones, tablet
computing, and digital publishing” (Isaacson, 2011, p. xx–xxi). While it is true that Jobs’
perfectionism played a key role in his success, it often pushed his co-workers to their limits – once he
had a vision he would work at all costs to make sure the product came out “perfect”:
In 1985, he drove his hardware team crazy in order to make a computer that was a sleek,
gorgeous magnesium cube. After his return to Apple, in 1997, he got personally involved
with things like how many screws there were in a laptop case. It took six months until he
was happy with the way that scroll bars in OS X worked. Jobs believed that, for an object
to resonate with consumers, every piece of it had to be right, even the ones you couldn’t
see. (Brunstein 6)
While his perfectionism pushed him to create high quality, groundbreaking products, we can see
that he simply could not settle for anything less than what he perceived to be imperfect. He was
so set on making the perfect product that he would “get personally involved” with minute details
like the number of “screws in a laptop case”. Job’s friend and co-worker, Daniel Kotte “reported
that jobs ‘could not achieve inner calm’” (Brunstein 6). This lack of “inner calm” was not
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confined to his career. Even when admitted to the hospital for treatments on his pancreatic cancer
his sister noted that “he went through 67 nurses before he found 3 whom he liked” (Brunstein 6).
Brunstein later comments on Steve’s “lack of inner peace” stating, “research illustrates [the lack
of inner peace] is associated with negative aspects of perfectionism” (Brunstein 6). Through
Steve jobs and other celebrities we see that while perfectionistic traits may lead to high quality
work there are negative side effects that are often overlooked by the common public.
Another example of hard working professionals who struggled with perfectionism are
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. Jennifer Bennett, a columnist for Time.com and a contributing
editor for Sheryl Sandberg’s women’s foundation, commented on a dinner conversation between
these longtime friends. She explains how both Kay and Shipman “realized over dinner one night
that each struggled with … self-doubt.” Shipman, upon being asked how she got into Journalism
“had a habit of telling people she’d gotten ‘lucky.’” Then Bennett contrasts this by explaining
their successes,
“Kay, a news anchor for the BBC, has covered three presidential elections, the wars in
Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq, and speaks several languages. And yet she spent her
career convinced her she wasn’t smart enough to compete for the top jobs … [Claire
Shipman] began her career as a foreign correspondent at CNN, reporting from Moscow.”
(Bennett para.5)
While both Kay and Shipman’s lives embody success, yet through out their careers they both
expressed feelings of self-doubt. So wait a minute, didn’t we just establish that perfectionists
expect more than they are capable of performing, not less? In truth, perfectionism can also
manifest itself by feelings of inferiority—think about it, if you are constantly expecting more of
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yourself than you are able to perform, you are constantly proving to yourself that you cannot do
what you feel you should be capable of. These feelings of inferiority are just as much a lie as the
unrealistic expectations. A perfectionist rarely finds personal satisfaction – always pushing
forward and never quite feeling like they’ve have arrived. Kay and Shipman are just a few of
many examples of strong, successful women who struggle to feel satisfied with their work
because their focus was on what they were incapable of doing.
So many people, all around you, are struggling with perfectionism. While we know it is
important to push ourselves and to find success, it is equally important not to fall into destructive
perfectionistic thinking. Understanding what perfectionism truly is, its unhealthy psychological
and emotional ramifications, and its popularity among many successful icons, can help us to
watch for those signs in our own lives. In doing this we will develop a healthier lifestyle, and a
more productive work ethic. Perfectionism, ironically, with holds us from the very perfection
being we are looking for.
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Works Cited
Bennett, J. (2014, April 22). It's Not You, It's Science: How Perfectionism Holds Women Back.
Retrieved July 16, 2015.
Brustein, Michael. Perfectionism: A Guide For Mental Health Professionals. New York, NY:
Springer Publishing Company, 2013. eBook Collection (EBSCOhost). Web. 23 July
2015.
Flett, Gordon L., Kirk R. Blankstein, Paul L. Hewitt, and Spomenka Koledin. "Components Of
Perfectionism And Procrastination In College Students." Social Behavior and
Personality: An International Journal Soc Behav Pers (1992): 85-94. Print.
Gong, Xiaopeng, Kathryn L. Fletcher, and Jocelyn H. Bolin. "Dimensions Of Perfectionism
Mediate The Relationship Between Parenting Styles And Coping." Journal Of
Counseling & Development 93.3 (2015): 259-268. Academic Search Premier. Web. 27
July 2015.
"How Steve Jobs Changed - The New Yorker." The NewYorker. James Surowecki, 17 Oct.
2011. Web. 4 Aug. 2015.
Isaacson, Walter. Steve Jobs. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2011. Print.