How to Raise A Heartache
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• Consider the precious soul of your child
and zealously seek God’s way. (Eph 6:4)
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• Ephesians 6:4 - And you, fathers, do not
provoke your children to wrath, but bring
them up in the training and admonition of
the Lord.
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• When you face your own death there will
be great comfort and joy in this!
• Only a complete commitment would
prepare parents for this work. (Deut 6:4-8)
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• Deuteronomy 6:4-8 - " Hear, O Israel:
The LORD our God, the LORD is one! 5
"You shall love the LORD your God with
all your heart, with all your soul, and with
all your strength. 6 " And these words
which I command you today shall be in
your heart
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• 7 "You shall teach them diligently to your
children, and shall talk of them when you
sit in your house, when you walk by the
way, when you lie down, and when you
rise up. 8 "You shall bind them as a sign
on your hand, and they shall be as
frontlets between your eyes.
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• We need the humility to always ask and
seek the Lord’s wisdom in this matter.
• God will bless the humble prayer asking
for help.
• God’s people have often failed in this very
thing. (Judges 2:10)
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• Judges 2:10 - When all that generation
had been gathered to their fathers,
another generation arose after them who
did not know the LORD nor the work which
He had done for Israel.
You will never regret taking the time
to teach your children.
• We are going to make a list of “things not
to do” based upon the failures of king
David with his son Absalom.
Take sin or the consequences of sin
lightly
• David committed sin and covered it up for
over a year.
• David was idle and gave into temptation.
Had he know what would have followed he
would have never thought about doing
this. (Gal 6:7-8)
Take sin or the consequences of sin
lightly
• Galatians 6:7-8 - Do not be deceived,
God is not mocked; for whatever a man
sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who
sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap
corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit
will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.
Take sin or the consequences of sin
lightly
• Once caught in Satan’s snare David went
much further.
• The greatest consequences of sin will be
seen in your children. (2 Sam 12:10)
Take sin or the consequences of sin
lightly
• 2 Samuel 12:10 - 'Now therefore, the
sword shall never depart from your house,
because you have despised Me, and have
taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be
your wife.'
Take sin or the consequences of sin
lightly
• We can fool the world but rarely will we
fool our families.
• How many of David’s children died without
God?
Show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• A child’s concept of God and of sin and
righteousness come from the home.
• There were great consequences to
polygamy (Favoritism, lack of attention
and association, loss of respect).
• When sin is ignored respect for both the
parent and God is lost! (Heb 12:6-8)
Show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• Hebrews 12:6-8 - For whom the LORD
loves He chastens, And scourges every
son whom He receives." 7 If you endure
chastening, God deals with you as with
sons; for what son is there whom a father
does not chasten? 8 But if you are without
chastening, of which all have become
partakers, then you are illegitimate and not
sons.
Do not show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• Inconsistency can produce bitterness with
potential lifelong consequences.
• Dishonesty is taught when you chose to
close your heart from justice. Those who
flee from conflict to “help” their children are
making a great mistake!
• David did nothing to act when Absalom’s
sister was raped. (2 Sam 13:1, 19-22)
Show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• 2 Samuel 13:1 (NKJV) - After this
Absalom the son of David had a lovely
sister, whose name was Tamar; and
Amnon the son of David loved her.
Show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• 2 Samuel 13:19-22 (NKJV) - Then Tamar
put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of
many colors that was on her, and laid her
hand on her head and went away crying
bitterly. 20 And Absalom her brother said to
her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you?
But now hold your peace, my sister. He is
your brother; do not take this thing to heart.”
So Tamar remained desolate in her brother
Absalom’s house.
Show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• 21 But when King David heard of all these
things, he was very angry. 22 And
Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon
neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated
Amnon, because he had forced his sister
Tamar.
Do not show weakness or indifference in
dealing with sin in the home
• Imagine how David’s complete inaction
affected Absalom.
• If David was not going to act then Absalom
was. He would commit murder.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• When you walk by faith you will walk by
mercy and justice. (Psa 101:1; Isa 30:18;
Hosea 12:6; Mt 23:23)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Psalm 101:1 - I will sing of mercy and
justice; To You, O LORD, I will sing
praises.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Isaiah 30:18 - Therefore the LORD will
wait, that He may be gracious to you; And
therefore He will be exalted, that He may
have mercy on you. For the LORD is a
God of justice; Blessed are all those who
wait for Him.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Hosea 12:6 - So you, by the help of your
God, return; Observe mercy and justice,
And wait on your God continually.
Do not refuse to consistently stand
on principle
• Matthew 23:23 - "Woe to you, scribes and
Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of
mint and anise and cummin, and have
neglected the weightier matters of the law:
justice and mercy and faith. These you
ought to have done, without leaving the
others undone.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• When we have 2 sets of rules between
those we “love” and for the others we do
not care for then we are being “partial” and
are fighting God. (James 2:1, 4)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• James 2:1 - My brethren, do not hold the
faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of
glory, with partiality.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• James 2:4 - have you not shown partiality
among yourselves, and become judges
with evil thoughts?
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Our children will see us as hypocrites.
(Rom 2:21-24)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Romans 2:21-24 - You, therefore, who
teach another, do you not teach yourself?
You who preach that a man should not
steal, do you steal? 22 You who say, "Do
not commit adultery," do you commit
adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob
temples? 23 You who make your boast in
the law, do you dishonor God through
breaking the law
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• 24 For "the name of God is blasphemed
among the Gentiles because of you," as it
is written.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Time and emotions do not change what is
right. Deciding to compromise because of
relationship or self-pity does not help the
one astray.
• How many think that they love their child
more than God does?
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• The best gift you can give your children is
a living faith that stands upon a doctrinal
core. This must be both taught and lived.
(Eph 4:14; Acts 20:18-20)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Ephesians 4:14 - that we should no
longer be children, tossed to and fro and
carried about with every wind of doctrine,
by the trickery of men, in the cunning
craftiness of deceitful plotting,
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Acts 20:18-20 - And when they had come to
him, he said to them: "You know, from the
first day that I came to Asia, in what manner I
always lived among you, 19 "serving the
Lord with all humility, with many tears and
trials which happened to me by the plotting of
the Jews; 20 "how I kept back nothing that
was helpful, but proclaimed it to you, and
taught you publicly and from house to house,
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Absalom should be executed if he ever
returned to Israel.
• He was right to flee. God is a God of
justice and David should have accepted
that in his heart. (2 Sam 13:37-39)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• 2 Samuel 13:37-39 (NKJV) - But Absalom
fled and went to Talmai the son of
Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David
mourned for his son every day. 38So
Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and
was there three years. 39 And King David
longed to go to Absalom. For he had been
comforted concerning Amnon, because he
was dead.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• David let his desires corrupt his heart.
(James 1:14-16)
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• James 1:14-16 - But each one is tempted
when he is drawn away by his own desires
and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has
conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin,
when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved
brethren.
Refuse to consistently stand on
principle
• Perhaps his guilt pushed him to think he
should act beyond what was written.
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• Righteous company and unrighteous
company will affect you. (Psa 1:1-2)
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• Psalm 1:1-2 - Blessed is the man Who
walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits
in the seat of the scornful; 2 But his
delight is in the law of the LORD, And in
His law he meditates day and night.
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• David willingly let Joab “manipulate” him to
bring back Absalom. Joab was simply
taking political advantage of an
opportunity. (2 Sam 14:19-21)
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• 2 Samuel 14:19-21 (NKJV) - So the king
said, “Is the hand of Joab with you in all
this?” And the woman answered and said,
“As you live, my lord the king, no one can
turn to the right hand or to the left from
anything that my lord the king has spoken.
For your servant Joab commanded me,
and he put all these words in the mouth of
your maidservant.
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• 20 To bring about this change of affairs
your servant Joab has done this thing; but
my lord is wise, according to the wisdom
of the angel of God, to know everything
that is in the earth.” 21 And the king said
to Joab, “All right, I have granted this
thing. Go therefore, bring back the young
man Absalom.”
Listen to the council of the ungodly
• Situation ethics becomes very appealing
when we no longer act on principle. We
can boldly proclaim good as evil and evil
as good.
• You will lose respect of those who are
godly. You also will lose touch with reality.
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• David though that words would make him
look strong. (2 Sam 14:24)
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• 2 Samuel 14:24 (NKJV) - And the king
said, “Let him return to his own house, but
do not let him see my face.” So Absalom
returned to his own house, but did not see
the king’s face.
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• This “toughness” was not the way God
said to deal with it.
• Absalom knew that David was made of
jello and he would take full advantage.
• Absalom used a temper tantrum to cross
the line that David drew. (2 Sam 14:28-33)
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• 2 Samuel 14:28-14:33 (NKJV) - And
Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem,
but did not see the king’s face. 29 Therefore
Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the
king, but he would not come to him. And
when he sent again the second time, he
would not come. 30 So he said to his
servants, “See, Joab’s field is near mine, and
he has barley there; go and set it on fire.”
And Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• 31 Then Joab arose and came to Absalom’s
house, and said to him, “Why have your
servants set my field on fire?” 32 And
Absalom answered Joab, “Look, I sent to
you, saying, ‘Come here, so that I may send
you to the king, to say, “Why have I come
from Geshur? It would be better for me to be
there still.”’ Now therefore, let me see the
king’s face; but if there is iniquity in me, let
him execute me.”
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• 33 So Joab went to the king and told him.
And when he had called for Absalom, he
came to the king and bowed himself on his
face to the ground before the king. Then
the king kissed Absalom.
Salve your conscious by taking
meaningless actions
• Absalom would now get whatever he
wants.
• He would now play on David’s emotions
and he would come to despise his father.
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• David should have known what would
happen to a child that is never rebuked.
• Absalom is praised for his looks against
Godly standards. (2 Sam 14:25)
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• 2 Samuel 14:25 (NKJV) - Now in all Israel
there was no one who was praised as
much as Absalom for his good looks. From
the sole of his foot to the crown of his
head there was no blemish in him
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• He is given material things and allowed to
flaunt it. (2 Sam 15:1)
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• 2 Samuel 15:1 - After this it happened that
Absalom provided himself with chariots
and horses, and fifty men to run before
him.
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• This display of worldliness caused him to
be greatly praised by worldly people.
• He is allowed to publicly undermine
David’s government by promising “hope
and change. Where was David?
(2 Sam 15:2-5)
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• 2 Samuel 15:2-5 - Now Absalom would
rise early and stand beside the way to the
gate. So it was, whenever anyone who
had a lawsuit came to the king for a
decision, that Absalom would call to him
and say, "What city are you from?" And he
would say, "Your servant is from such and
such a tribe of Israel
Promote your child’s self-esteem on
worldly principles.
• 3 Then Absalom would say to him, "Look,
your case is good and right; but there is no
deputy of the king to hear you." 4 Moreover
Absalom would say, "Oh, that I were made
judge in the land, and everyone who has any
suit or cause would come to me; then I would
give him justice." 5 And so it was, whenever
anyone came near to bow down to him, that
he would put out his hand and take him and
kiss him.
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• David refused to recognize the
seriousness of Absalom’s actions even
after his great public sins. (2 Sam 18:5)
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• 2 Samuel 18:5 - Now the king had
commanded Joab, Abishai, and Ittai,
saying, "Deal gently for my sake with the
young man Absalom." And all the people
heard when the king gave all the captains
orders concerning Absalom.
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• Why do you think Joab killed Absalom and
hid that from David?
• Joab did not respect David.
(2 Sam 19:5-6)
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• 2 Samuel 19:5-6 (NKJV) - Then Joab
came into the house to the king, and said,
“Today you have disgraced all your
servants who today have saved your life,
the lives of your sons and daughters, the
lives of your wives and the lives of your
concubines,
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• 6 in that you love your enemies and hate
your friends. For you have declared today
that you regard neither princes nor
servants; for today I perceive that if
Absalom had lived and all of us had died
today, then it would have pleased you
well.
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• May God help us to avoid the terrible
consequences suffered by David and his
family!
• Our God will help us be the kind of parents
that will succeed! (Prov 22:6)
Refuse to learn from your mistakes
• Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the
way he should go, And when he is old he
will not depart from it.