- There’s Something about Mary
- Cabaret
- Manhattan
There's Something About Mary
YOUTUBE:
https://youtu.be/8Is0LttqtGY
Screenplay by
Ed Decter & John J. Strauss
and
Peter Farrelly & Bobby Farrelly
Story by Ed Decter & John J. Strauss
(FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY)
FINAL SHOOTING SCRIPT
OCTOBER 21, 1997
(…)
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
Ted stands as the Detectives take a seat across from him.
TED
(agitated)
I'm telling you, I did not solicit sex! I
was just stopping to go the bathroom, next
thing I know I tripped over something--well
someone--and, POOF, there's cops and
lights and-DETECTIVE FRANEK
Okay, calm down, Ted, we believe you.
(beat)
The problem is we found your friend in
the car.
As Ted sits back down the Detectives just stare at him.
Finally
Ted thinks he gets it.
TED
Oh. The hitchhiker.
(CHUCKLES)
That's what this is all about.
Ted puts his head in his hands and smiles.
TED (cont'd)
Isn't that just my luck--I get caught for
everything.
DETECTIVE CAVALLO
So you admit it?
TED
Guilty as charged. I'm not gonna play games
with you. I could give you a song and dance
but what's the point? I did it and we all
know it.
(laughs)
The hitcher himself told me it's
illegal The irony.
The Detectives are surprised by his forthrightness.
DETECTIVE CAVALLO
Well, uh, can you tell us his name?
TED
Jeez, I didn't catch it.
The Detectives flinch at his glib demeanor.
DETECTIVE FRANEK
So he was a stranger? It was totally
random?
TED
(confused)
He was the first hitcher I saw, what can I
tell you? Now cut to the chase, how much
trouble am I in?
The Detectives look at one another.
DETECTIVE FRANEK
First tell us why you did it.
TED
Why I did it?
(scoffs)
I don't know. Boredom? I thought I was
doing the guy a favor.
The Detectives look at each other.
DETECTIVE CAVALLO
This wasn't your first time, was it, Ted?
How many we talking?
TED
Hitchhikers? I don't know--fifty...a
hundred maybe--Who keeps track?
Finally Detective Cavallo EXPLODES across the table and
starts
WAILING on a shocked Ted.
DETECTIVE CAVALLO
You sonofabitch! You're gonna fry!!!!
CUT
TO:
YOUTUBE:
https://youtu.be/CX-24Zm0bjk
https://youtu.be/moOamKxW844
CABARET
dir. Bob Fosse
(Kander & Ebb)
What good is sittin' alone in your room
Come hear the music play,
Life is a cabaret old chum
Come to the cabaret.
Put down that knittin', the book and the broom
Time for a holiday,
Life is a cabaret old chum
Come to the cabaret.
Come taste the wine, come hear the band
Come blow your horn, start celebratin'
Right this way, your table's waitin'
No use permittin' a prophet of doom
Wipe every smile away, yes
Life is a cabaret old chum
Come to the cabaret!
I used to have a girl friend known as Elsie
With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea
She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower
As a matter of fact she rented by the hour
The day she died the neighbors came to snigger
Well, that's what comes of too much pills and liqueur
But when I saw her laid down like a queen
She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen
I think of Elsie to this very day,
I remember how she turned to me and said:
What good is sittin' alone in your room
Come hear the music play,
Life is a cabaret old chum
Come to the cabaret
Put down that knittin', the book and the broom
Time for a holiday,
Life is a cabaret, old chum
So come to the cabaret.
And as for me,
As for me,
I made my mind up back in Chelsea
When I go, I'm going like Elsie,
Start by admitting from cradle to tomb
It isn’t that a long a stay
Life is a cabaret old chum
It's only a cabaret old chum
And I love a cabaret!
Yes, life is a cabaret old chum
Only a cabaret old chum
So come to the cabaret
From MANHATTAN by Woody
Allen
YOUTUBE:
https://youtu.be/fJ9mD7tWKXw
https://youtu.be/zGfG7kOX1-U
Y.: You wanna see the Sol Le Witt?
I.: Sure, that’d be fun. You wanna see the Sol Le Witt?
M.: He opens at the Moderns soon. I was gonna do a piece on Sol
for Insights. Do you know that magazine? It’s a little magazine.
They’re such schmucks up there. Really mired in Thirties
radicalism. What do you do Tracy?
T.: I go to high school.
M.: Oh, really. Really. Somewhere Nabokov is smiling, if you know
what I mean.
Y.: I think Le Witt’s overrated. In fact, he may be a candidate
for the academy.
M.: Right.
Y.: You know, Mary and I have invented the Academy of the
Overrated for such notables as Gustav Mahler…
M.: Isak Dinesen and Carl Jung.
Y.: Scott Fitzgerald.
M.: Lenny Bruce. Can’t forget him, can we? How about Norman
Mailer, Walt Whitman…
I.: I think those people are all terrific.
Y.: Who was that guy you had?
M.: I didn’t. It was yours. It was Heinrich Böll.
I.: Overrated?
Y.: Don’t wanna leave out Heinrich.
I.: Gee, what about Mozart? You guys don’t wanna leave out Mozart.
M.: Well, how about Vincent Van Goch?
I.: She said “Van Goch”?!
M.: Or Ingmar Bergman.
Y.: You’ll get in trouble with Bergman.
I.: Bergman? Bergman’s the only genius in cinema today, I think.
Y.: He’s a big Bergman fan.
M.: God, you’re so the opposite. You write that absolutely
fabulous television show. It’s really, really funny and his view
is so Scandinavian. It’s bleak, my God. I mean all that
Kierkegaard, right? Real adolescent, fashionable pessimism. I
mean, the silence. God’s silence. OK, OK, OK. I mean I loved it
when I was at Radcliffe, but, all right, you outgrow it.
I.: Get her away from me. I don’t think I can take too much more
of her. She’s really a cr…
M.: No. Don’t you see, don’t you guys see? It is the dignifying of
one’s psychological and sexual hang-ups by attaching them to those
grandiose, philosophical issues?
Y.: Here we are.
I.: Listen, it was very nice meeting you. It was a pleasure and a
sincere sensation, but we have to go. We gotta do some shopping. I
forgot about it.
M.: Hey, listen, I don’t even wanna have this conversation. I’m
just from Philadelphia, you know. I mean, we believe in God, so…
OK?
I.: What the hell does that mean? What does she… what do you mean
by that?
M.: Well, that…
I.: “I’m from Philadelphia. I believe in God.” Does this make any
sense to you at all?
***
I.: It’s great…it’s… it’s… I don’t play the harmonica, but it’s an
incredible… harmonica is what it is.
T.: Well, you said you wanted to learn. I’m trying to open up that
side of you.
I.: Tracy, you’re throwing away an enormous amount of real
affection on the wrong person.
T.: It’s not wrong for me.
I.: Listen, I don’t… I don’t think we should keep seeing each
other.
T.: Why not?
I.: Because I think you’re getting to hung up on me, you know.
“Hung up on me”. I’m starting to sound like you.
T.: I’m not hung up on you. I’m in love with you.
I.: You can’t be in love with me. We’ve been over this. You’re a
kid. You don’t know what love means. I don’t know what it means.
Nobody out there knows what the hell’s going on.
T.: We have laughs together. I care about you. Your concerns are
my concerns. We have great sex.
I.: You… But you’re 17 years old. By the time you’re 21, you’ll
have a dozen relationships, believe me, far more passionate than
this one.
T.: Well, don’t you love me?
I.: The truth is that I love somebody else.
T.: You do?
I.: Come on… We…we… This was supposed to be a temporary fling. You
know that.
T.: You met someone?
I.: Don’t stare at me with those big eyes. You look like one of
those barefoot kids from Bolivia who needs foster parents.
T.: Have you been seeing someone?
I.: No. Yes. Someone older. I mean, y-y-you know, y-y-you know…
Not as old as I am, but in the same general ballpark as me.
T.: Gee, now I don’t feel so good.
I.: It’s not right. You shouldn’t get hung… I mean, you should
open up your life, you should see… You know, you’ve got to.
T.: You state it like it’s to my advantage, when it’s you that
wants to get out of it.
I.: Hey, don’t be so precocious, OK? I mean, don’t be so smart.
I’m 42 years old. My hair’s falling out. I’m starting to lose some
hearing in my right year. Is that what you want?
T.: I can’t believe that you met someone that you like better than
me.
I.: Why should I feel guilty about this? This is ridiculous. I’ve
always encouraged you to go out with guys more your own age. Kids
from your class. Billy and Biff and Scooter. And, you know, little
Tommy or Terry. Hey, come on, don’t cry. Don’t cry. Come on, don’t
cry. Tracy… Tracy, don’t… Come on. Don’t cry, Tracy. Tracy…
T.: Just leave me alone.
I.: Tracy, come on, don’t…
T.: Leave me alone.
***
Y.: What are you doing here?
I.: What d’you mean what am I doing here. I spoke to Mary. Were
you gonna tell me?
Y.: I was, but… I’m trying to teach a class.
I.: So where can we go and talk?
Y.: How’d you get past the security?
I.: I walked right past.
I.: What are you telling me? That you’re gonna leave Emily and run
away with the… the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald Emotional
Maturity Award?
Y.: Look, I love her. I’ve always loved her.
I.: What kind of crazy friend are you?
Y.: A good friend. I introduced you two. You remember?
I.: Why? What was the point?
Y.: Cos I thought you liked her!
I.: I do! Now we both like her!
Y.: Yeah, well, I liked her first.
I.: “I liked her first”. What are you? Six years old? Jesus!
Y.: Look, I thought I was over. Would I have encouraged you to
take her out if I still liked her?
I.: So you liked her? Now you don’t like her? It’s early. You can
change your mind one more time before dinner.
Y.: Don’t get sarcastic about this. You think I like this?
I.: How long were you gonna see her before telling me?
Y.: Don’t turn this into one of your big moral issues.
I.: You could’ve said, but you… All you had to do was call me and
talk to me. I’m understanding. I’d have said no, but you’d have
felt honest.
Y.: I wanted to tell you about it. I knew it would upset you. I…
We had a few innocent meetings.
I.: A few? She said one. You guys should get your story straight.
Don’t you rehearse?
Y.: We met twice for coffee.
I.: Hey, she doesn’t drink coffee. Did you meet for Sanka? That’s
not too romantic. A little on the geriatric side.
Y.: Well I’m not a saint, OK.
I.: You’re too easy on yourself. Don’t you see? You’re… That’s
your problem, that’s your whole problem. You rationalise
everything. You’re not honest with yourself. You talk about you
wanna write a book, but in the end you’d rather buy a Porsche. You
cheat a little bit on Emily and you play around the truth with me.
The next thing you know you’re in front of a Senate committee
naming names.
Y.: You’re so self-righteous you know. I mean, we’re just people.
We’re just human beings. You think you’re God!
I.: I gotta model myself after someone.
Y.: You just can’t live the way you do. It’s all so perfect.
I.: Jesus, what are future generations gonna say about us? My God!
You know, someday we’re gonna be like him. And he was probably one
of the beautiful people, dancing and playing tennis and
everything. And now look. This is what happens to us. You know,
it’s important to have some kind of personal integrity. I’ll be
hanging in a classroom one day and I wanna make sure when I thin
out that I’m… well thought of.