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February 1, 2015
Title: “Dealing With Conflict”
Series: Take Off Your Mask
Introduction:
We are starting a new series today we are calling, “Take Off Your Mask.” Our key
verse is 2 Corinthians 4:2 from “The Message” paraphrase:
We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate
behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we
keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that
those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. – 2
Corinthians 4:2 (MSG)
The idea is that many people masquerade as something they really are not, or
pretend things don’t bother them that do, or act like they believe something they
really do not, or twist things to fit someone else’s perception. In other words, there
are masks that all of us wear, and when we wear these masks we are not being
honest with ourselves, with those around us, or with God.
One of the masks we wear is in the area of conflict.
1
A Danish health survey asked almost 10,000 people between ages 36 and 52, "In
your everyday life, do you experience conflicts with any of the following people—
your partner, children, other family members, friends, or neighbors?" Eleven years
later, 422 of them were no longer living. That's a typical number. What's
compelling, the researchers noted, is that the people who answered "always" or
"often" in any of these cases were two to three times more likely to be among the
dead. (And the deaths were from standard causes: cancer, heart disease, alcoholrelated liver disease, etc.—not murder.)
The researchers concluded, "Stressful social relations are associated with increased
mortality risk among middle-aged men and women." That's why they
1
James Hamblin, "Stressful Relationships vs. Isolation: The Battle for Our Lives," The Atlantic (5-13-14)
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recommended that we develop what they called "skills in handling worries and
demands from close social relations as well as conflict management."
But in case you think that all conflict is bad, people who said they "never"
experience conflict from social relationships had a slightly higher mortality rate
than those who "seldom" do. In other words, perhaps a little conflict is good for
your health. [end of illustration.]
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. – Proverbs
14:13 (ESV)
Each of us experiences conflict, some to a greater degree than others. The issue for
us today isn’t whether we have conflict or not, but how we should deal with it in
the best way. When conflict comes, it is not uncommon to do one of the following
things:
1) Dominate it – no discussion, no conversation, no trying to work it out.
2) Ignore it – pretend there is no conflict and let life go on as usual.
3) Whine about it – complain and complain, but take no action.
4) Surrender to it – just give up and give in.
James gives us some extreme examples of what causes conflict and what happens
when it is not dealt with in the right way:
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your
passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You
covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. – James 4:1-2a (ESV)
I think we’re all aware of what conflict is, and how destructive it can be. So let’s
spend the rest of our time together learning how to remove the mask of conflict
from our lives. What should I do when I find myself in conflict with someone else?
How do I remove the mask?
1. BRING THE CONFLICT TO GOD
Philippians 4:6-7
1 Peter 5:6-7
2. TAKE A DEEP LOOK WITHIN MYSELF
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Matthew 7:3-4
3. ALLOW GOD TO DO HIS WORK IN ME
1 Peter 1:6-7
4. FORGIVE ANY WRONGS AND MOVE ON
Matthew 18:21-22
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