Name: ____________________________________
Congregation/Institute: __________________________________
Community in which you reside:__________________________________________
Date: ______________________________________
REVIEW MATERIALS
Disclaimer: Some of the topics discussed in these review materials have legal implications. The authors
of these materials are not attorneys, and these materials are not intended as nor should they be
considered legal advice. The laws applicable to the situations religious may face vary from state to state
and are subject to change. Please seek appropriate counsel in dealing with these situations.
DIRECTIONS AND INTRODUCTION
These review materials, as the name suggests, are purposely similar to
those you have been receiving over the past few years. We believe this
content provides the basic information that all of us must consider
regularly to keep us conscious of how to keep both young people and
ourselves safe.
Please note that there has been a change from the format of
the materials/test from previous years. Instead of taking the test
at the conclusion of all the review materials, the evaluation of your
appropriation of this information is integrated into these materials
themselves. After each section, there will be 1 - 3 questions which you
are asked to answer. Please select the best answer to each question.
Thank you!
Summary Review of Previous Topics
Boundary Violations
A “boundary” violation is an action, which by its very nature penetrates the physical,
emotional and/or behavioral boundaries of another person.
There are three types of boundary violations:
 physical
 emotional
 behavioral
Examples:
 Physical - wrestling with a child, excessive tickling of a minor
 Emotional - consistently texting a young teen-ager at all hours of the night and
day
 Behavioral - frequently buying gifts for a minor, offering cigarettes/alcohol to a
child
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the following can characterize an “emotional” boundary
violation with a minor?





Socializing with a family that has children
Comforting a child who is panicked or crying
Routinely talking to a child or adolescent for hours at a time
Conferring with parents about a child
None of the above
2. All of the following would be characterized as “appropriate displays of
affection” EXCEPT:





Talking positively with parents about a minor
Showing affection with a minor in front of others
Showing affection while alone with a minor
Praising a minor with others around
“Fist bumping” with a child as a sign of support
3. Please check the box[es] below of ALL those behaviors which would be
characterized as an “inappropriate display of affection”





a. Texting a child during the night
b. Sleeping in bed with a minor
c. Kissing a child on the lips and hugging often in private
d. Touching a child’s hand briefly in a hospital bed
e. None of the above
Effects of Sexual Abuse on Victims
Victims of sexual abuse are very resilient women and men. However, it must be
remembered that one act of sexual abuse is all it takes to traumatize an individual.
The four (4) factors that influence the effects of abuse on a person are:




Frequency of the abuse
Duration of the abuse
Intensity of the abuse
Sense of betrayal
Children and adolescents who have been victimized manifest symptoms in a variety of
areas: psychological, educational, behavioral, interpersonal, and sexual. These
symptoms tend to manifest themselves in the extremes in each of these categories. In
other words, she or he is acting or responding in an odd, different or “out of character”
manner.
Barriers to Disclosing Abuse
Sexual abuse is not about sex; it is about power. It is about a misunderstanding and
inappropriate application of authority; it is not about love and affection between an
adult and a child. Sexual abuse is about manipulation and exploitation.
Embarrassment, shame, fear, denial and avoidance are the major barriers to coming
forward to disclose sexual abuse. Most survivors of familial abuse wait for 10-15 years
after the abuse to report it. Most survivors of clerical sexual abuse wait for 25 or more
years to come forward to disclose it.
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the following factors might play a role in preventing a victim
of sexual abuse from revealing the abuse to others?





Fear
Shame
Embarrassment
Guilt
All of the above
2. In the list below, which of these factors might influence the effects of
sexual abuse on a child?





The frequency and duration of the sexual abuse
The intensity of the abuse
The sense of betrayal arising from the abuse
All of the above
None of the above
Types of Offenders
There are generally two types of offenders: he preferential and situational offender.
Both can and might desire sexual relations with adults. As a matter of fact, most
offenders in society are heterosexual married men.
The preferential offender desires the company of children over adults and targets a
specific “type” or an age of a child.
In contrast, the situational offender will target almost any vulnerable or easily
manipulated individual (children, elderly, physically or mentally challenged). This
situational type of offender will often target a child or adult when the “situational”
stressors in his life become overwhelming or out of control. You should be familiar with
the “warning signs” that pertain to each type as they are different and predictable
according to their definitions. Additionally, you need to be aware of how to
appropriately respond within the religious congregation to these warning signs.
Warning Signs of SITUATIONAL
Offenders*
 Excessively using alcohol.
 Uses of drugs.
 Experiencing anxiety or depression.
 Having trouble coping with
loneliness.
 Facing rejection or disappointment.
 Coping with personal loss.
 Feels unappreciated and unrewarded

for hard work.
Becoming increasingly dependent on
a “convenient” relationship with a
minor, such as a minor who works in
the house or is already involved with
the individual.
*Taken from handout from Praesidium, Inc.
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the statements below
best describe a warning sign of a
"preferential" sexual offender?
Warning Signs of PREFERENTIAL
Offenders*
 Finds reasons to spend time alone
with minors.
 Prefers time with minors to time with
peers.
 Gives gifts to minors, especially
without permission.
 Goes overboard with physical contact
with minors.
 Always wants to wrestle or tickle
minors.
 Shows favoritism toward certain
minors.
 Treats minors like equals or adults.
 Keeps secrets with minors.
 Ignores policies about interacting
with minors.
 Breaks the rules.
 Uses inappropriate language with
minors.
 Tells “off-color” jokes to minors.
 He often advocates for children's rights.
 He works with children.
 He is a married, heterosexual male who prefers the company of children for social
support.
 He seems to be gifted at working with teenagers.
 None of the above.
2. Which of the following might be a warning sign for a “situational”
offender?





He enjoys his ministry with children.
He is drinking too much and is more isolative and sad these days.
He likes to direct retreats with high school students.
He seems to be more involved with his religious community.
None of the above
Provincial and Personal Responses to Sexual Abuse
If you become aware of an incident of possible sexual abuse of a minor,
you must report this to civil authorities. (We will review the topic of mandated
reporting in an upcoming section.) You might want to contact your congregation’s
office for assistance with or advice about making the report, but you are required to
notify civil authorities within the time period specified by state statutes.
In addition to directly informing local civil authorities of the abuse
allegation, you also need to inform the local Rector and/or Superior of
your decision to do this. If the person accused of sexual abuse of a minor is a
current or former religious, you should also inform the provincial delegate at that time.
Typically, the province will make the proper authorities aware of this allegation.
Care for the victim is paramount at this point in time. Each province has
dedicated men and women who can help with the pastoral needs of this person. The
names and contact information for these people are usually available on the
congregational websites. If someone makes an allegation to you of sexual abuse of a
minor by a religious, please walk this individual through how to take advantage of these
people and these services.
It is also important that you be fully aware of your rights and your duties
in the event that an allegation of sexual abuse of a minor is leveled against
you. An accused religious has rights and is often cared for by his congregation with
both respect and yet appropriate accountability. Each congregation uses a Review
Board to assist in the determination about whether an allegation has been “established”
and to give the major superior its recommendations about the response to the victim
and the disposition of the accused. Men with an “established” allegation of abuse or a
boundary violation are required to live within the strictures of a “wellness” or “safety”
plan.
QUESTION
1. A provincial Review Board is ultimately responsible for responding to
victims of child sexual abuse and for the disposition of the accused
religious.
 True
 False
Changes in the “Dallas Charter” in 2011
In 2011, the U.S.C.C.B updated the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young
People, promulgated in 2002, and two new significant issues were addressed in this
document:
1.
Sexual abuse of vulnerable adults
2.
Child pornography
A priest or religious can and will be permanently removed from ministry if allegations
involving these two offenses are established.
Sexual Abuse of Vulnerable Adults
A vulnerable adult is defined as an adult person with cognitive limitations. As the
Charter states, “in this case, a person who habitually lacks the use of reason is to be
considered equivalent to a minor.” A vulnerable adult is not to be confused with an
adult who might be going through a difficult period in his or her life nor an adult who is
in a subordinate position to one in authority.
Child Pornography
There are three (3) aspects of the Charter changes in regards to child pornography that
are necessary to know and understand.
First, the offense associated with child pornography is committed by “the acquisition,
possession, or distribution by a cleric of pornographic images of minors.” As one can
see, possession alone of child pornography is sufficient for this offense. A religious
should not think that he has not committed a crime if he did not buy the pornography,
or if someone “gave” it to him, or emailed it to him, or he otherwise did not spend any
money to acquire it.
In downloading and/or purchasing any adult pornography you could also potentially
download and “possess” child pornography because marketers often dupe the person
with any and all tricks to get the person to buy more pornography.
Second, the U.S.C.C.B. documents make it quite clear that the bishops “will apply the
federal legal age for defining child pornography, which includes pornographic images of
minors under the age of eighteen, for assessing a cleric’s suitability for ministry and for
complying with civil reporting statutes.” Possession of or even viewing of child
pornography is a federal offense and is often a state criminal offense as well. A person
convicted of involvement with child pornography must be registered as a sex offender in
both state and federal jurisdictions.
Third, the existence of child pornography on a person’s computer, smart phone, or
other electronic device is an offense that you are mandated to report. The offender’s
friends, community members, and Superiors have no choice but to report this fact to the
proper authorities.
Finally, a “mandated reporter” or anyone who discovers child pornography on any
form of technology must immediately notify the authorities and turn the device over to
them. Get immediate professional assistance with the safeguarding of the computer or
smart phone. If this is not done properly, the mandated reporter could be charged with
“tampering” with evidence in a potential federal and/or state criminal trial.
QUESTION
1. While helping a colleague with a computer issue, you discover
pornographic images of minors on his computer. Are you required to
report this to the authorities?
 Yes
 No
Mandated Reporting
Mandated reporting to civil authorities of known or suspected sexual or other abuse of
minors by clerics and others is often required in most states. There are a few “basics” of
mandatory reporting, which are good to keep in mind:
Don’t panic.
Know who to call in your state.
Ask for help. Your provincial office is your best bet. Every office has someone
who can assist and advise you. This person can help you make the
required report.
4. You must be the person to report. You can’t delegate this responsibility to
anyone else, although you can seek assistance in making the report.
5. Do not delay in responding; typically most states require an immediate
and/or timely response.
1.
2.
3.
As a mandated reporter, YOU must report any allegation of current abuse of a minor
in any form—neglect, physical, emotional, and sexual—to appropriate authorities
immediately or in a “timely” manner according to the laws of the state within which you
reside. This reporting is your responsibility.
This requirement applies whether the abuse was with a religious or cleric or, more
typically in society, with any member of the victim’s family or friends. In some states,
you are also mandated to report any abuse that has happened at any time in the past.
You need to be aware of these laws which vary from state to state. Know the
requirements of the state(s) in which you work and/or reside. These laws are constantly
being amended by state legislatures so it's important to keep up to date on them. Ask
for help if you still do not understand your responsibilities.
In those jurisdictions with mandatory reporting requirements, a person making a report
is immune under law from any legal liability for making the report in good faith even if,
after the act, the report turns out to be inaccurate in any respect.
Please remember also the obligation contained in the 2012 Standards of
Accreditation (by Praesidium, Inc.) adopted by the Conference of Major Superiors of
Men (CMSM). Standard 12 requires that each religious must “report to civil
authorities all allegations of known or suspected sexual abuse of a victim
who is currently a minor.” This obligation applies regardless of the
requirements of state law. In those states requiring you to report, all the specifics
of civil law must be followed. But even in those states that do not require you to report
allegations of sexual abuse of a minor, you are still obliged by Standard 12 to report
these allegations to civil authorities. Contact your provincial or diocesan office if you
require assistance with making this report.
Finally you need to be aware of the province’s policies with regard to receiving and
reporting allegations of sexual abuse of a minor and also alert the local superior and/or
provincial delegate who handles these situations.
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the following statements best describes your time
requirement for responding to an allegation of sexual abuse of a minor
as a "mandated reporter?"
There is no requirement to report anything immediately.
There is a large window of time as a "mandated reporter."
Timely reporting is not relevant as a "mandated reporter."
States differ in this requirement; it is my responsibility as a "mandated reporter" to
know and comply with these laws.
 None of the above.




2. A child tells you about an incident in which she was involved that
sounds like a possible case of sexual abuse of a minor. You work and
reside in a state where clergy are NOT included in the law as mandated
reporters. Which of the following best describes your responsibility
according to Standard 12 of the "2012 Standards of Accreditation" from
the Conference of Major Superiors of Men (CMSM)?
 You must call the provincial office and have them report the incident to the authorities.
 Standard 12 does not address this issue.
 You must call the elementary school which the girl attends and report the incident to
them.
 It is your responsibility to directly report the incident to the proper civil authorities.
 None of the above
Limits of Confidentiality in Pastoral Settings
We typically should keep our pastoral conversations (e.g., spiritual direction, pastoral
counseling) confidential. But situations can arise in which we need to seek additional
assistance for someone who is going to harm either himself or others, or who is making
a report of abuse. How do we inform this person that we might need to get him help?
This can be very challenging if one does not have the necessary skills and training to do
this well. Some basics to keep in mind:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
These issues normally don’t just “come up” in conversation(s). One can typically
sense that the person wants to say something serious and troublesome.
You can and need to let the person know early on that you might need to break
confidentiality in certain situations.
It is strongly suggested that you have a standard protocol that you use with
everyone in this circumstance.
Be sure to have a list of local trained professionals that you can refer this person
to when they seem to need a referral and give them the names of several
professionals.
Know your limits and seek support when needed.
It is highly recommended that religious and priests develop a “standard” verbal
“informed consent” for occasions that may warrant the breaking of confidentiality. This
might sound something like, “I want you to know that most of what you say to me is
strictly confidential. I would only break this confidentiality when or if you might hurt
yourself, others, or tell me about abuse of a minor. Ok?”
In the rare event that you need to break confidentiality in a pastoral
setting, it also might be appropriate and pastoral to tell the person that you need to do
this and that both of you can call the agency or trained professional together to get the
help he or she might need at that very moment.
There are several benefits and challenges to this manner of intervention.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
This assures you and the other professional that you are taking appropriate and
immediate action.
It provides you with immediate support and a record of your actions.
It communicates to the person who entrusts you with this information that you
are dependable.
This person will, most likely, be someone that you will see again pastorally. It
maintains the sanctity and the pastoral trust in this relationship.
If the person does not consent to report this information with you, you will have
to break confidentiality without his or her consent.
However, it would be important to tell the person that you will be breaking this
confidentiality.
This is why you want to “inform” the person (informed consent) early in the
conversation of the “limits” of this confidentiality.
QUESTION
1. Which of the following best describes how information shared in
spiritual direction should be treated by the director?
 The information shared by a directee should never be revealed to anyone.
 The information shared by a directee should never be revealed to others except with
the permission of the directee.
 Information shared by a directee should be treated as confidential but there are rare
situations (e.g., possible suicide) where the director may need to break confidentiality.
 What is shared in spiritual direction can be freely communicated to others.
 None of the above
Confessional or Sacramental Seal
If the revelation of sexual abuse of a minor occurs in the confessional and/or in the
context of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the so-called “seal of Confession” cannot be
broken. The confessor cannot disclose this information to anyone. He can certainly
encourage the person to seek help and to report the abuse to authorities. If the alleged
abuser is a priest or a professed religious, the confessor should make the penitent aware
of the congregation’s resources—a victim’s advocate or delegate—which are available to
him or her. But the sacramental seal must be maintained at all times.
QUESTION
1. In some extreme circumstances, or where State laws require this, you
are permitted to disclose allegations of sexual abuse of a minor which
are revealed to you during the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
 True
 False
Creating Healthy Boundaries
In today’s pastoral climate, our actions are open to misinterpretation. They are judged,
not on what we intend to do, but by how they are perceived by others. Many say this is
unfair and unjust but it would be naïve to think otherwise. Acknowledging this changed
context of our ministry, we need to be aware of the basics about creating healthy and
safe boundaries.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Set clear limits on your work or ministry—watch the tendency to overwork.
Get regular time off to relax.
Do only what you are trained to do. Know when to refer a pastoral
counseling subject to another professional.
Develop hobbies or other interests.
Monitor your self-care (sleep, diet, nutrition, meditation, and exercise)
Develop self-awareness skills and grow in your affective or “emotional”
capacities.
Work on your “emotional” awareness and skills regularly.
Get regular support and feedback.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
QUESTION
1.





What are some ways for you to create healthy and safe boundaries?
Setting clear limits on work and ministry
Developing hobbies or interests
Working on your "emotional" awareness
Receiving regular support and feedback
All of the above
Aspects of Healthy Religious Boundaries
The following are important aspects that need to be understood within the unique
clerical and religious lifestyle.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
We are always in a position of authority over those with whom we minister and
collaborate.
Unlike most other professionals, clergy and religious deal with many regular and
consistent traumas and losses (e.g., deaths, crisis management, changing
assignments regularly, dealing with communal and personal diminishment, etc.).
If left unprocessed, these losses often create problematic personal, communal,
and pastoral behaviors.
Research indicates that the loss of the mother for priests and religious is highly
significant. This warrants special care and attention.
In light of our lifestyle, loneliness and isolation are significant issues for religious
and priests to manage well.
Clergy and religious have consistently struggled with addictions at a higher rate
than other professionals.
The challenge of living a chaste and celibate life in a non-chaste and often hypersexualized society demands different supports and different coping mechanisms.
Prayer, regular spiritual direction, and support from family and friends are
consistently linked to more effective management of boundaries for clergy and
religious.
QUESTION
1. Religious typically are pastorally present to others who experience
death, loss and crises on a regular basis. The long-term effects of this
unprocessed trauma and loss may be expressed within us as:





Increased isolation and loneliness in community
The tendency to work harder
Increased dependence on alcohol and other substances
Spiritual desolation and bitterness
All of the above
The Use of the Internet and Technology
We are already very familiar with the various modes of Internet usage and the new
technologies that exist today, but it might be helpful to spell out and recall some of the
different forms our use of technology and the Internet can assume:









Email
Streaming video (Netflix, Hulu, etc.) or audio (Spotify, Pandora, radio, podcasts)
Picture and video-sharing services (YouTube, Flickr, Instagram, etc.)
Texting or other forms of instant messaging
Blogs – reading, posting content or comments
Chat rooms and discussion forums– reading and posting content
Social networking sites (Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Twitter, etc.)
Online gaming
Skype, video-conferencing, teleconferencing
There is consistent overwhelming national and international data to suggest that
technology and the Internet have enhanced relationships, communication, business,
education, and the exchange of information. Moreover, as religious, our use of the
Internet and technology can and should have an apostolic dimension and focus.
Technology, the Internet and our modern means of communications are a gift and, like
any other gift, they need to be properly safeguarded, managed, and appreciated.
A review of some basics facts:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Nothing on the Internet is ever private.
Even after you “delete” emails, text messages, or blogs, experts can easily retrieve
such information.
Problematic behaviors with Internet usage seem to be fairly common.
Around 7-10 percent of the typical workforce in the United States seems to be
struggling with an “addiction” to these new forms of communications.
The earlier the intervention in these problematic or “addictive” behaviors, the
better the success in treating these issues.
Internet “addiction” looks like most other addictions that we know and see in
society and in religious life.
These problematic behaviors seem to have the characteristic hallmarks of an
addiction: denial, withdrawal symptoms, tolerance, isolation, secrecy and an
inability to control the behaviors after repeated attempts to do so.
The use of internet pornography seems to affect men of every race, age, and
sexual orientation.
About a quarter of clergy across faiths report “problematic” and personal use of
Internet pornography.
It is estimated that 90-95 percent of male college students in the United States
engage in “regular” viewing of Internet pornography.
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the following statements is FALSE in regard to the use of
technology and the Internet?
 The use of Internet pornography seems to affect men of every race, age and sexual
orientation.
 Problematic behaviors with Internet usage seem to be fairly common.
 Internet "addiction" is unlike most other addictions that we know and see in society.
 About 25% of clergy across all faiths report "problematic" and personal use of Internet
pornography.
 The Internet has made positive contributions to enhancing relationships.
2. The improper use of the Internet and various forms of technology is
highly associated with:
 Spiritual consolation
 A secretive and isolative life
 Better communication
 More connections to friends and family
 More productivity in ministry
Internet Interactions*
Although virtual interactions are common nowadays and have many positive benefits,
we must also be aware of some of the risks associated with these. Whether we are
posting content to a blog or a social media website, sending emails, texting, or being
part of a chat room, certain factors associated with some or all of these experiences can
contribute to an inconsistency between who you are and how you act in real life and how
you seem or appear online. Some of these factors include:



The sense of anonymity during online experiences can lead to the feeling that
what you say or do can’t affect your real life.
The “invisibility” of online experiences can promote a disregard both for how
you appear to others but also a lack of concern for how the other person is feeling
or reacting to your online behavior. Important body language or emotional cues
are hidden.
Oftentimes, the communication process does not take place in real
time so you don’t have to worry about someone’s immediate reaction. A person
can put something out there and then walk away before he gets a response. One
psychologist aptly termed this method an “emotional hit and run.’’
*This material is based on a paper by Monica Applewhite, Ph.D., entitled “The Online Disinhibition Effect.”
QUESTION
1. Certain factors associated with Internet interactions can contribute to
an inconsistency between how you are or act in real life and how you
seem or appear to be online. These factors would include:





a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
A communication process that may not take place in real time (e.g., email messaging)
The anonymity of some online experiences
The "invisibility" of some online experiences
a, b and c
a and b only
Information Shared Online
Many times we use the Internet to communicate various types of information, either
about ourselves or others. Listed below are a few reminders about the appropriate ways
in which to do this:





Be careful about any blurring of boundaries between one’s professional, pastoral
or ministerial role and one’s personal life during online communications. What
might be appropriate to say to a good friend or adult relative may be improper if
said to a colleague, parishioner, student, etc.
During online communications, always respect the privacy of others, especially
fellow Religious, colleagues, and those to whom and with whom we minister.
Avoid posting photographs, videos, or messages of others without their
permission, unless the content is clearly intended for publication.
Before posting something online or sending an email, review it so that nothing in
it could be misconstrued as suggestive, demeaning, offensive, or otherwise
inappropriate.
Evaluate what you share on the Internet with an eye toward how this content
might affect the reputation and public regard for your institution, your religious
community, or the Church.
Maintain transparency about ourselves in the content we post online. In general,
we should use our real names in identifying ourselves and the ministry or
institution with which we are affiliated, and we should state that the content
reflects our personal opinions, not the official views the institute, or the Church.
Policies on Internet Presence and Interactions
All policies and guidelines dealing with interactions with minors have a three-fold
purpose: (1) to protect the safety of minors, (2) to ensure that all religious maintain
appropriate boundaries with young people, and (3) to safeguard ourselves against
possible allegations of inappropriate behavior. One important point that needs to be
remembered is that relationships with minors (excluding family members) in
electronic communications and social media are always either
professional or pastoral, not personal.
Our institutions or the dioceses in which we live or work may also have policies related
to Internet communications and presence, and it is our responsibility to be aware of and
follow those also.
QUESTIONS
1. Which of the following best describes the characteristics of
information that is shared online by religious?
 a. Respect for the privacy of others
 b. Maintenance of proper boundaries between professional/ministerial roles and one‘s
personal life
 c. Transparency with regard to the real name/identity of the religious
 d. a and b only
 e. a, b and c
2. All of our relationships with minors (excluding family members) in
electronic communications and social media are always either
professional or pastoral, not personal.
 True
 False
New Topic*
Healthy Boundaries in Ministerial/Pastoral Relationships
with Adults
Our Conversations That Matter program serves to keep us mindful of our efforts to
protect children and minors from sexual or any other type of abuse. Besides
attending to the manner in which we interact with minors and vulnerable adults, we
also should reflect periodically on the way in which we conduct ourselves in ministry
or pastoral care with adults. Maintaining healthy boundaries in these situations
fosters an environment of safety for both the priest/religious involved in pastoral
relationships as well as the person receiving pastoral care. Being careless with
boundaries with adults to whom we minister or offer pastoral assistance can possibly
lead to other, more serious inappropriate behaviors.
As religious we are called to be men of service and we strive to be available to and for
others. But we also need to recognize our need for suitable limits on this.
Boundaries in ministerial or pastoral situations are useful in establishing proper
limits with regards to place, time, and person.
Place – Not all places are appropriate to meet for ministerial or pastoral reasons,
even with adults. In today’s environment, we need to avoid even the appearance of
impropriety so ideally meetings should occur in a location where others can observe
us, avoiding places completely closed off from others and obviously avoiding
inappropriate locations (e.g., a private bedroom in our community). Even open
spaces, though, may need to be thought out ahead of time. For example, meeting a
directee for spiritual direction at a restaurant, coffee shop or other venue where
privacy is limited can inhibit the free-flowing expression of her spiritual experiences.
In addition, such a meeting place can possibly raise questions with the directee
about the type of relationship that exists with the director.
Time - Boundaries of time refer to both when and how long we engage in pastoral
or ministerial activities. In situations which allow for this, it may be beneficial to
agree upon or establish a limit on the duration of a meeting or event of a pastoral or
ministerial nature. This type of arrangement will often by appreciated by both
parties since it sets up an expectation of a fixed time for the conclusion. It also
avoids problematic situations, e.g., being alone for an extended period with the same
person during the late night hours.
Also, be alert to your level of punctuality. Especially in pastoral contexts,
consistently showing up late for regularly scheduled appointments can be
interpreted by the other person as a lack of interest or respect.
Paying attention to the overall pattern of our pastoral/ministerial involvement is also
important. Scheduling too many pastoral meetings back to back on a consistent
basis, which does not allow for sufficient breaks, can lead to physical and/or
emotional exhaustion. Generosity of time and energy in service to others is certainly
to be commended. But when our commitments seriously disrupt a proper balance of
our emotional, physical, spiritual and relational life, we need to reflect upon the
responsibilities we’ve taken on and consider ways to more appropriately attend to all
of these.
Person – All of us desire and maintain some physical and emotional “space” and we
get uncomfortable if our personal boundaries are broken. People recognize the
importance of keeping physical and emotional boundaries in ministry (and in life in
general!) but they can sometimes be uncertain about what is or is not appropriate. If
we are attune to situations where we might unintentionally cross boundaries in
pastoral settings, we can be pro-active in taking the first step to avoid them in the
first place.
While not exhaustive, Gula (chapter 5, loc 2523) details some behaviors which are or can
be perceived as personal boundary violations and these are listed below.



Physical
"sitting or standing too close
making physical contact
(hugging, 'bear hugs,' or
kissing) as a gesture of “pastoral
concern” without asking
permission
meeting one on one when no
one else is around"







Emotional
"Giving and receiving gifts of a
personal nature
Becoming too involved in
another’s life through frequent
call or emails of personal
interest,
Spending too much time
together alone,
Ridiculing another’s
experiences or beliefs
Commenting on another’s body
and appearance
Eliciting unnecessary details of
another’s experience
(especially sexual ones)
Showing excessive interest in
another’s personal activities
within family life or among
friends."
Our concern for boundaries should not be viewed as restrictive of our desire to serve
effectively and compassionately. Rather, boundaries primarily exist to provide a
safe environment during our ministry to others and to promote integrity and respect
in all our pastoral relationships.
*The material in this section is based on topics included in Chapter 5 of Just Ministry: Professional Ethics for Pastoral
Ministers (Paulist Press, 2013) by Richard Gula, S.S. Kindle edition.
QUESTION
1. Please check the box[es] of ALL the behaviors listed below which
would be considered boundary violations with an adult.





Extended hugging of a directee
Asking a question about how a retreatant is feeling in general
Eliciting unnecessary details about a retreatant's sexual experiences
Telling a retreatant you will pray for her
None of the above