CAST
Witch 1 - Penelope Shafai
Witch 2 - Hazel Williams
Witch 3 - Nelly Yuki
Hecate - Jenny
Macbeth - Chuck Bass
Apparition(s) - Gossip Girl
Lennox - Bart Bass
Lady MacDuff - Serena van der Woodsen
Ross - Rufus Humphrey
Son - Eric van der Woodsen
Messenger - Dorota
Murderer – Georgina Sparks
Malcolm- Nathaniel (Nate) Archibald
MacDuff – Dan Humphrey
Banquo – Carter Baizen
*Constance Billiard is the school that the characters attend
**lonelyboy is Gossip Girl’s nickname for Dan Humphrey
SETTING
Manhattan, New York City – Upper East Side
SCENE 1
(Sitting on steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art)
Penelope – I cannot believe we just saw that.
Hazel – Well, the time has come for us to gain some well-deserved status. With this juicy gossip
to our names we won’t be taken for granted.
Nelly – Agreed. It’s our time now.
Penelope – (takes out phone from handbag) Let me grab my Sidekick out of my Marc Jacobs
and hit compose. I’ll forward Gossip Girl the scandalous tip and some pics for proof. (fingers
swiftly texting)…And send.
All together – O M G
Nelly – Now that that’s over with, let’s compare our shopping finds.
(Take following items out of shopping bags)
Hazel – Leggings by McQueen and tote by Gucci,
glasses by Prada and scarf by Pucci.
Penelope – Frock by Sui and pumps by Givenchy,
suit by Chanel and blouse by Rowley.
Nelly – Sandals by Blahnik and flats by Fendi,
headband by Vuitton and top by Armani.
All – O M G
Penelope –That scarf is so cute Hazel!
Hazel – Thanks. I know.
(Jenny walks up steps, sees some of the clothes they were showing)
Jenny – Well done girls, those are great finds. I taught you well.
Nelly – I have your yogurt Jenny (hands Jenny yogurt container)
Jenny – What is this?
Nelly – It’s your favorite, Raspberry Yoplait.
Jenny – I only eat with silver spoons, not plastic ones.
(Spots Chuck walking alone pasts steps)
(Girls’ and Chuck’s phones ring/beep/vibrate. Scene switches focus onto Chuck)
(Chuck pulls out phone. One new text message)
Voice of Gossip Girl – Good morning Upper East Siders. This blast is personally for Mr. Chuck
Bass himself, ”el Presidente” of the Student Body, just in time for election day. I have received
word of three warnings from a very dependable source that you should obey if you choose. It
looks like your status as king of Constance* is not as safe as we all assumed. Chuck! Beware
Dan Humphrey! Beware lonelyboy**!
Chuck – (thinking to himself) Beware Dan Humphrey? What does that even mean? If only it
weren’t so vague… (Receives new text message)
Voice of Gossip Girl – Be fierce and confident. No one with money shall harm Chuck Bass.
Chuck – (thinking) So why should I fear Humphrey? Dan Humphrey of Brooklyn? He attends
Constance on a scholarship. He’s not even running for a position in student council. (receives
new text message)
Voice of Gossip Girl – Be reckless and proud. No one can take your status of king until the
Statue of Liberty marches up the steps of the Met. Looks like we’ve got a riddle on our hands.
Chuck – (aloud this time) Sure, and that will happen as soon as pigs fly so I’m pretty much
invincible.
(spots Jenny and her minions on steps and walks their way. Scene changes to focus of Jenny and
Co.)
(girls finally look up from phones, knowing grins on their faces)
Jenny – Well, well girls. Something wicked this way comes. I have to go (Jenny leaves as Chuck
reaches them)
Chuck – Tell me this (holds up phone in acknowledging manner to girls) was of your doing.
Penelope – If it was, what does it mean to you?
Chuck – I want to know what this crap means. Is this some kind of a joke?
Hazel – We only know as much as you do.
Nelly – Actually, we know one more thing. The Baizen name will be president for many
graduating classes to come.
(three girls leave, leaving Chuck alone. He makes phone call)
Chuck – (to phone) Hello father. Did you hear of this scandal that Jenny’s minions are trying to
concoct?
Voice of Bart – No, you know I don’t keep up with those kinds of things; however, it’s
convenient that you called. I was told to tell you that Dan Humphrey has left the city for the
weekend to stay with Nathaniel in his country home.
Chuck – His country home?
Voice of Bart – That’s what I’ve been told. I have to get back to work (hangs up phone)
Chuck – (talks to himself) Work, work, work. That’s all he ever does. From now on, I am going
to put my thoughts into action. I am Chuck-freaking-Bass for crying out loud! I’ll start with
Serena – send a tip to Gossip Girl that will make her so vulnerable, Dan will be running back to
her. No one’s going to take my spot as President. Next, I’ll hurt those who mean the most to him
… enough talking. I have to go do this at once before I lose my sense of purpose.
(exits)
SCENE 2
At the Van der Woodsen’s home
(Rufus is waiting for Lily to be ready for their date. He is giving advice to Serena, who is
anxiously pacing in her living room)
Serena – What is it that made Dan run away like that? Does he think he can just leave at the
drop of a hat and not expect me to worry?
Rufus – You have to be patient Serena.
Serena – Patient? How can I be patient? Is it something I did, I know our relationship hasn’t
been perfect, but I love Dan. Does he think that Chuck won’t expect anything if he just leaves
like that? Even if he had nothing to do with the Gossip Girl blast, Chuck will want to get revenge
for being made a fool of. Worst of all, Chuck knows all of my secrets, and I know that he won’t
be afraid to use them against me if he doesn’t find out what this all means.
Rufus – Serena, you are like a daughter to me, you know that. Please calm down, everything will
turn out fine. Who cares about Gossip Girl? I don’t understand how you teenagers take such silly
rumors to heart. (Lily comes downstairs dressed and ready to go) I have to go now.
Serena – Have a good time you two. (Rufus and Lily exit. Serena sighs and plops down on the
couch. Eric, her brother enters and joins her) Eric, what am I going to do?
Eric – (holding up phone) About this? (Serena nods)
SOMETHING ABOUT BIRD ALLUSION
(Apartment’s elevator door opens, revealing Dorota, Blairs maid. She enters with urgency)
Dorota – Miss Blair does not know I’m here. If you are smart, you will take my advice and leave
right now. You have an unwanted visitor from your past coming, Miss Serena. (exits)
Serena – Where should I go, everything is closed at this hour, and who is this person I should
stay away from? Why do I always have to get punished for everything; I’ve had my fair – (gets
cut off)
Georgina – Is anybody home? (Serena and Eric turns around from couch. Shocked faces)
Serena – Georgina!? What are you doing here? I thought I told you I never wanted to see you
again!
Georgina – Hello Serena. Lovely to see you too. It was nice knowing you because I was sent
here on a special mission. All I have to do is hit send on this (points to cell phone) and both of
you are history.
Eric – What did I do?
Georgina – Soon all of Manhattan will know (Evil chuckle. Hits button on phone)
Serena – You can’t do this Georgina.
Georgina – I already did. Bye Serena (exits)
SCENE 3
(Dan and Nate are sitting on Nate’s porch at his country home in the Hamptons.)
Nate – Chuck has definitely gone too far this time. He has crossed the line between revenge and
insanity.
Dan – That’s why we need you to run for Student Body President at Constance. It’s insanity with
this Chuck-Blair power struggle going on. Blair thinks that her duties as vice president are more
important that Chuck’s. They’ve also been sabotaging everyone at school. They think they own
the school. Well there is the Bass Library and a Waldorf Common Room, but that’s not what I
mean.
Nate – I’ll do whatever I think is right when the time comes. You know, Chuck hasn’t done
anything to you yet. I think he was actually starting to like you. Are you sure you’re not just on
Chuck’s side and you’ve come here to convince me to get slaughtered in this stupid popularity
contest?
Dan – Why would I be on Chuck’s side?
Nate – Why not? Anyone could be against me. Besides, once Chuck exposes all of my vices,
which I’ve had my fair share of, he will seem as innocent as a Girl Scout compared to me. I don’t
have a chance of running against him.
Dan – Chuck is as innocent as the devil!
Nate – Trust me. I don’t have qualities to rule the school. I’m arrogant, an addict, impatient, not
devoted, indulgent…
Dan – Oh for Pete’s sake!
Nate – Seriously, give me a heads up the next time you look for that in a politician.
Dan – Oh, okay. (sarcastic tone) Why would anyone vote for you? A vote for Nate is a vote for
failure. Isn’t that a catchy slogan? We should make elections pins with your face and that motto
above it. Your siblings were great Student Body leaders! You, you’re just a disgrace to the
Archibald name so you shouldn’t even– (interrupted)
Nate – Okay, okay! I trust you now! Chuck has betrayed my trust too many times, so I had to
make sure you weren’t loyal to him. Fine, I’ll run against Chuck. You can be my campaign
manager, just don’t use that slogan, it was horrible.
Dan – Fine with me.
(Rufus enters)
Dan – Dad, what did you drive all the way up here for? How’s everything back home?
Rufus – Well you’ve made Serena really worried Dan. She was really upset that you wouldn’t
tell her what was going on and now she’s complaining about some girl named Georgina sending
her secrets to Gossip Girl.
Dan – What are you talking about? (Phones ring/beep/vibrate. Dan and Nate read message)
Nate – I can’t believe it. I thought Georgina would never come back
Dan – Who’s Georgina and how does she know this about Serena? It can’t be true, can it?
Rufus – I’m afraid it is. Chuck sent Georgina to do this to make sure that you wouldn’t disturb
him in this election. He was really worried because of the last Gossip Girl blast. You teenagers
and your technology, back in my day we only had one –
Dan – Okay dad….thanks
Nate – That was the last straw. Let’s go back home. I’ve got an election to win.
Dan – That’s the spirit…and I’ve got a campaign to run.
THE END