JUST L7
(1)
Mark Scheme 2005
English Assessment Task
Range of
punctuation
Question 2. How do the final three paragraphs make the writer’s point of
view clear to the reader?

You should comment on the main arguments put forward

The space given to other points of view

The way the piece ends
Reading Criteria
Level 3 responses will be characterised by a few simple facts extracted showing
very limited awareness of the writer’s purpose and viewpoint . They may copy
out or retell parts of the extracts and answer may be only partly relevant.
Level/Marks
Level 30 Marks
Level 4 responses will show some awareness of the writer's purpose and
viewpoint. A few words and phrases from the text are mentioned but the
selection is not always appropriate.
Level 41 Mark
Level 5 responses will demonstrate an overview of the conclusion of the
argument showing general understanding of the writer’ purpose and viewpoint.
They may make limited comment on how the text is written. Points will be
illustrated by relevant references to the text.
Level 6 responses will demonstrate the ability to discuss specific features of the
conclusion, show a clear understanding of the writer’ purpose and viewpoint and
will make effective comment on how the text is written. Ideas will be developed
by relevant references to the text,
Level 52 Marks
Level 7/8 responses will explore the structure of the conclusion and how specific
features of the argument are used together to persuade the target audience. Ideas
will be developed by well chosen references to the text.
Level 7/8
4 Marks
factual info
mixed with
anecdote
short
sentences
for impact +
variety
Level 6
3 Marks
anecdote
modal +
tense
change
Anticipating
viewpoint of
the
recipient.
Dear Jordan,
Thanks for the letter! I was really glad to hear from you, I
haven’t wrote to you in ages so I’ll apologise now if this letters
really long. i gather from your letter you had a good Christmas,
and thanks for my pressie by the way.
I didn’t get that much this year because we’re off on holiday
in a weeks time. It seems like a year away though. Well anyway, I
don’t know how to put this but I really think you need to know
about the dangers of video games, as your last letter had a total A4
sheet of how far you were on your new game.
It’s not as if I have anything against video consoles but when summarising
items
my mum took mine away three years ago, I realised what an
expensive mistake they are. I used to play on my x box all the time
and never see my friends, but now I realse how ‘adictive’ they are
and prefer to go down to the ice arena or the bowling alley and
have a laugh with my mates. This boy in my class called Charlie,
steals money to buy new games of his own mother, that’s how repetition reformulating
addictive they are.
Researches, nowadays well they even know theres symptoms
to becoming addictive to playing video games. In your letter you
said you had a stiff neck, guess what? Thats a symptom. Another
symptom is loss of interest in other subjects. I mean you’re a really
good footballer and you could make a pro so I’m begging you,
please don’t waste throw your career away, like other people have,
and concentrate on football, not Fifa 2005. subtle humour
I once heard a story about a boy, who was our age, and he
played on his PS2 so much8 that he had to sit with his thumbs in
ice-cold water just to ease the pain. So knowing your delicate body,
you wouldn’t be able to play anymore, because you wouldn’t have
any thumbs. I meen do you remember when you were in year 5 and
I kicked you in the shin and then you couldn’t do PE for a week
because you had a bruise. You little wimp.
By the end of this letter, I’m probably gonna seem like your
mum but video games affect our heart, mind and behaviour, and if
I were you I would seriously cut down the amount of hours you
play on your PS2. They might seem more psychologically
rewarding, but at the end of the day its not real and your wasting
your time, money and effort and basically your going to be classed
as a gaming addict. Anyway lets look on the bright side, you are
coming to my party in a months time and your can meet all my
friends in a video game free zone
Anyway
Cya in a month
From (Pupil Xs name)
P.S. Write back as A.S.A.P.
Why don’t you take a page from book, and spend more time with
your friends, its much more funner and you’ll feel the benefit.
7+4
L6
11
This response is characteristic of level 7.
There is a range of sentence structures and verb forms, including
tense changes, modals. A range of devices is evident within
paragraphs along with a variety of punctuation to create effects.
The voice of the response is controlled – even down to a sprinkling of
informalities “cya” “gonna” – with subtle humour and anticipation of
viewpoint of recipient.
Mark Scheme 2005
English Assessment Task
Question 1. In what ways does the writer try to persuade the reader that video games are
dangerous?
In your answer you should comment on
 The main symptoms of video game addiction
 Why the writer refers to an expert (Dr Griffiths) as part of her argument
 How the writer structures the text in a way that persuades her target audience
 How the writer uses language
Reading Criteria
Level 3 responses will be characterised by a few simple facts extracted with little
comment. They may copy out or retell parts of the extracts and answer may be
only partly relevant.
Level/Marks
Level31-2 Marks
Level 4 responses will show some awareness of form and purpose and will be
aware that the text is written for a particular audience. There will be some broad
references to how the text is constructed. A few words and phrases are
mentioned but the selection is not always appropriate .
Level 43-4 Marks
Level 5 responses will demonstrate an overview of the text showing general
understanding of form and purpose and will make limited comment on how the
text is written for a particular audience. Points will be illustrated by relevant
references to the text.
Level 6 responses will demonstrate the ability to discuss specific features of the
argument show a clear understanding of how the writer has used form for her
purpose and audience although the same quality may not be evident throughout.
Comment on language will show insight into effect of chosen language on the
reader. Ideas will be developed by relevant references to the text.
Level 55-6 Marks
Level 7 responses will explore the development of the argument and how specific
features of the argument are used together to persuade the target audience. There
will be evidence of the analysis of specific features of language and its impact on
the target audience. Ideas will be developed by well chosen references to the text.
Level 7
9-10 Marks
Level 8 responses will be characterised by a coherent and thorough analysis of
how the argument is developed throughout the text. There will a clear
appreciation of how language is used to manipulate the target audience. The
response will show the use of integrated and precise textual reference.
Level 8
11 Marks
Level 6
7-8 Marks
LOW 4
BOTTOM L6C
Dear friend,
Tone of
concerned
friend –
giving
warning
Begins to
have range
of stylistic
devices –
uses integral
quotes +
connectives
in lengthy
sentence,
partially
controlled,
followed by
a short
sentence for
effect.
Main ideas
organised
around
topic
sentences
I have received your letter, and have read it thoroughly.
Some range in
My opinion on this is that the amount of hours played daily is far
sentence
too much, in fact it is a serious matter that should be solved.
structure –
The only real reason why this is becoming serious is because of the here e.g. of
complex
manner of the games, if they where educational games, then that
sentence
would be fine, but they are not, they are violent, gory and makes
almost
the players thirsty for more blood. What I mean is that if you have controlled –
ever heard a parent say “time to come off it” to someone on one of some doubts re
these games, they will then say “let me get to the Save Point”, then punctuation
you will find them still on it half an hour later. This is what I am e.g., between
games and if.
talking about.
The dangers of these games is the amount of violence and/or the
+ short for
goriness of it, this in turn can lead to a violent life for the child.
effect
The other danger is that what watching a screen for a long while
Another
can lead to eye damage in the future. The last danger is when the
Variation in
players start skipping school, so they can play on the games.
verb forms
The last danger is when the players start skipping school, this can gives focus and
emphasis e.g.
lead to obesity, where players quickly pause the game and get a
snack, doing this throughout the day, throughout the whole period mixture of
present and
of no school.
conditional in
The dangers of video games are becoming quite real and serious, if 3rd sentence
they are not solved, who knows what will happen, whether one
emphasises
less dangerous
parent solves it, or a whole town solves it together.
Broad
references
to content
3+5 =8
Pupil X establishes and maintains the tone of a concerned friend,
giving a clear warning of the dangers. They begin to have a range
of appropriate stylistic devices although it is not always secure.
Sentence control is secure for simple and compound sentences but
the punctuation of complex sentences sometimes lapses. Main ideas
are organised around topic sentences but not always sequenced and
linked to give force. This pupil merits a mark of 8 placing it at the
bottom of Level 6.
The writer trys to persuade the reader that games are dangerous by
talking to the reader and making them see her side of the theory.
She writes her story as though she is talking to you directly and
using really good convincing words, metaphors and nouns and
adjectives, similies etc. When the writer is telling you about all the
symptons, that playing on Video games are dangerous, addictive
and cause more violence and aggresion, the writer also brings a
professional expert into the argument to make more people think,
well there is a expert who knows what she is saying so video games
must be dangerous.
The response shows an awareness of purpose and
form; refers to expert and mentions language; so
this merits low level 4.
3
L4-
2
alternatives.
Yours sincerely
(Pupil X’s Name)
awareness
of specific
audience
1
9th November 2004
Retells
parts of
the
extracts.
The final three paragraphs make the writers point of view clear by
telling the readers that the argument has been going on for 15 Not really
years and the longer the arguments get the more realistic and relevant
violent they get, The writer tells the reader that the social learning
theory is that the more realistic and violent games get and
encourage kids to be aggresive and naughty. But then she brings
the catharsis theory say to the reader that playing aggresive games
help them loose stress and aggression. By taking it out on a video
game. The writer also brings an expert Dr Griffiths saying that
after playing on an aggresive video game a child becomes more
aggresive.
0
The response has been awarded a mark of zero (0)
because the pupil has simply copied out sections of the
last 3 paragraphs. There is no engagement with task
and no analysis or comment.
TOP 4
1
broad
references
to how the
text is
constructed
Awareness
and purpose
Assessment Task: Reading
The writer tries to persuade the reader that video games are
dangerous by reffering to the expert Dr Griffiths and asking her
him to give the facts on what video games can do to young
children, the writer also comments on how you can get addicted to
the video games and what are the side effects, and how bad it is for Viewpoint
structure
you.
The writer structures her text by breaking all the points down into
Awareness
paragraphs, explaing each reason why you shouldn’t play them,
of form
like explaining effects of it first, addiction, facts, So the reader can
then read each bit about it without it all been jumbled in one, and
Implicit
being confusing.
awareness that
The writer also gets some children in to explain the effects of video the text is
written for a
games and what has happened to them because of it.
particularly
audience
Words + phrases are not mentioned but there is
general reference to the text.
The pupil does not illustrate points by relevant
reference to the text and therefore merits a mark
of 4.
4 L4
2
The final 3 paragraphs make the writers point of view clear by
explaining how people who play agressive video games can lead to
agressive behavior in some children, and how it has caused a lot of
controversy over the last 15 years. The piece ends by having
someone elses opinion of what could happen and how it could be
Again broad reference to the
very bad for them.
No specific reference
text shows some awareness of
writer’s viewpoint
1 L4
3
Some
awareness of
purpose
LOW 5
(1)
TOP L5
Appendix
1
Test
Comma –
some use of
other
punctuation
- brackets
passive
voice
modal
connectives
signpost
points
Tone –
humour subtle
Dear Firmy
Thang you for the letter you sent me, witch I recievd two
or three days ago. I am writing this letter just to warn you that I
saw a documentary on the television about this thing called RSI
active voice
(repetitive strain injury) witch is a thing that is a commonon
occurance on Game aholics sutch as you. I am getting abit worries
because even though it is not seriously life threatening or even
permanent it has been said that the people who do get it are more
tone of a
concerned
likley to get arthritis in their hands at a surprising young age & I
friend would not want that to happen to you because in some cases it can
warning
be excrutiatingly painful for the victim.
Any way, I am not saying that you have to quit gaming all togater I
is just a warning that there is a possibility of it & I would not want
anything bad to go the way of my friend.
Even just a cut down to only two maby just one hours a day would
be a huge improvement to the usual four or five witch you told me
about in the afore mentiond letter & also would improve your
chances of avoiding repetitive strain injury dramatically.
Anyway I hope this letter is not a hinderance to our frendship. I
wish you all the best for when you go to the words fastest typer
award compatition in Tokyo Japan next Monday.
All the best &
Good luck your best mate
(Pupil X’s name)
P.S. Have you got the PS3 or are you getting it from Tokyo?
2+3=5
2+5=
7
This response clearly shows the sustained tone of a concerned friend using
warnings and humour. It addresses the views of the recipient using some
stylistic devices. The main ideas are signposted by topic sentences in
paragraphs. Although the sentences are grammatically and there is some
attempt early on to use other punctuation, the sentences are lengthy and display
no real variety.
1
Assessment Task: reading
 The main symptoms of video game addiction are:
The video games can lead to compulsive behavior one of the most
worrying is that it can lead to less of interest in other activities.
 why the writer refers to an expert.
she refers to this man because hes studied this sort of thing for
most of his life. he also uses good points but he uses more bad Awareness
of
points to have video games. This gives the reader an option.
audience
 How the writer structures the text in a way that persuades her
target audience:
audience
She trys to compair situations, like This text is aimed at adults
who have children, saying how long there kids are in their room
an there computers, and telling the parents the symptoms of
computer addiction, It also says what could happen if kids don’t
get bought or get given these video games stealing, truancy.
This text is just aimed at parents to persuade them not to buy Doesn’t
refer to
video games for their kids.
structure
 How the writer uses words and sentences for effect eg for most,
the games remain a harmless activity, but a small minority
could be termed addicts.
She’s trying
to make it sound
like there bad
people like drug
addicts and the
games consoles
and games are
the drug.
this tells us shes
got another
answer
Shes saying it
like a gathering of
people of ‘gang’
Shows insight into
effects of language
choice of the reader
5
L5
LOWER 5
LOW 5
(2)
Complete overall
comment
1
East Riding Assessment Task
Writing Task
In this answer the pupil shows a general overview of the content of the text but
no real evidence of analysis. There are some limited by relevant references to
purpose and viewpoint but no comment on structure or author’s technique. This
response therefore merits a mark of 5.
Plan
Hi Quintin
5 Hildably Road
Milsrough Cottage
P135 6LM
● Computer Video games that you play all the time is dangerous
and affecting your brain and your actions.
● If can affect you because you will get addicted to it, and can ruin
your life.
● I think you should stop going on your computer and start doing
other things like hanging round the park playing football or
something.
2
 Main arguments put forward are:
violent video games make the user of the games violent.
 The amount of room given to a different point of view:
Theres a very short space were a different view is given near the
end saying teenagers arent really effected. I think it makes the
whole peice of writing an un even argument.
General understanding of writer’s
viewpoint
 The way the piece ends:
it ends saying games effect kids that are younger then there teen
years it also says games dont really effect teen angers.
Shows some
awareness of
purpose and
viewpoint
Comment?
1
6
L4
2
Dear Quintin
Now then mate, how are you? Still going out with sandra?
Appropriate
tone for
All those video-games you are playing isn’t good for you, they
giving
are dangerous and they can affect your brain and your actions.
information
Main ideas
That’s proberbly why youv’e you’ve been acting strange lately,
to a friend
signposted
because you’ve been on the computer too much. Computer games by topic
Some range
affect us because we get addicted to them, and eventually you will sentences
of sentence
connectives
structures – get too addicted to them and you won’t want to come off it, and it
emphasise will ruin your life.
cause and
I saw this program once showing a game called ‘Manhunter’.
effect
It was a very violent game and a kid of 12 was playing it, and he
Good use of used the violence he saw on the game, on another kid his age, and
killed him. Just think, that’s what could happen to you.
direct
address
I think you should cut down on the time you spend on
shows
computer games and come to the park with us and play football or
attempt to
Role of concerned friend is not
something.
return to
maintained consistently – this
I’ll be in touch mate, speak soon, Tony.
concerned
friend.
This answer is significantly weaker and focuses exclusively content rather than
structure or form. There is now attempt to explain the balance of the ending by
discussion of the “space” allocated to different viewpoints showing some
awareness but never beyond the general and literal meaning. This is a level 4
response 1 mark.
Overall level
Sample
Sentence
5
mark of
6
D–2
E-3
section is in-appropriately
extreme.
Pupil X assumes the role of a concerned friend although this is not consistently
maintained throughout the piece. Main ideas are signposted by topic sentences and
there is some evidence of same range of sentence structures. The most frequently used
connective is ‘and’ to join ideas which limits the achievement of the piece. Most
sentences are correctly demarcated with same use of other punctuation (commas +
apostrophes). This is a low level 5 meriting a mark of
5
LOW 6
(2)
TOP 4
2
4th NOV 04
In the final 3 paragraphs the main argument put forward is that
video games spark off agressive temper – beheiviour so that makes
the writers point of view very clear.
Very little
There are about 7 lines before a new point of view this again is a space given
to counter
long time talking about one thing so that is making her point of
anyone!
view clear.
Why?
The writer ends the piece by saying “it is probably the case that
violent video games have a mroe pronounced effect on young
children but less of an effect – if any – once they have reached their
teenage years”. He is just saying here that you shouldn’t buy
violent games for little children but it is OK for a teenager.
2
Despite the confident tone the pupil struggles to go beyond a general overview
comment on language is limited but there is some understanding of purpose and
viewpoint. On balance it merits a mark of 2 (level 5).
Role of
E
concerned
friend
Writing task
Informs
Attempted
variation of
sentences
not always
successfully
demarcated
Dear friend, (Nicki)
I am Writing this letter to you, so you can
understand the danger of playing video-games and how they can
affect you in any Kind of Way. I Want You to be safe and not be
violent to anybody including me. Clear attitude to situation conveyed.
What I am trying to say to you is that these video-games get out of
control and the same might happen to you. playing violent videogames everyday and night is meant by you missing out all of your
friends and not hanging out With them or having fun, also you are
Simple
cutting out on your school Work, e.g. not taking down notes doing connectives
homework etc. And the most important thing not hanging out or
used
talking to your family and probably, they are really concerned about
you and I am too.
if you get this letter
Maintains role
adopted at start
please write
E
back, Love
Kirsty
xx
x
D=2 =4
E=2
Pupil assumes the role of concerned friend but struggles to maintain the appropriate tone.
The focus on concern for the friend opens and closes the piece successfully.
Sentences are initially grammatically sound but… the second paragraph
struggles to use appropriate subordination to express complex
ideas…..therefore this is a sure level 4 meriting a mark of

LOW 6
(1)
BOTTOM END
OF LEVEL 5
1
4th November 2004
Assumes role of
responsible
friend – gives
warning with
clear attitude to
situation
conveyed.
Writing task
Main ideas
signposted
by topic
sentence
Generally
grammatically
sound – with
some range
in sentence
structures
not always
well
controlled.
Dear friend Sian,
I don’t quite think you realise how dangerous it can be having
harmless fun. You don’t Seem to be addicted, yet, but if I where
you I would listen to the following dangers before you decide to
extend your game hour.
C video games are so easy to get addicted to, Once you Start you
cant stop, it eats up all your time, especially When you could be
Direct appeal
doing Something much more useful.
shows
They can cause bad attitude to others, been moody, even stealing. appropriate
tone to a
they can even cause you actual physical pain.
friend
So Why waste your time on some thing so pointless? if I were you
I would limit your precious time on video games, you play them too
much its not worth it. Soon you will be doing bad in school, like
having bad attitudes towards teachers and not completing
homework. I hope you take your time to Sit down and have a good
think about What I Said before you gon on your Video games.
The focus of
Sinserly,
Tone maintained
concern opens
Sarah
throughout
SSPTO = 3
C+E = 4
and closes the
piece
successfully.
Video Games: Cause for concern
7
The writer tries to persuade
that video games are
dangerous by always – “mentioning the main symptons e.g. that
they are addictive Paragraph 1 Line 2.
Also the writer mentioned that you could get “the shakes” so again
he is focusing on all the bad points. She said playing video games
can lead to agressive beheivior, loss of interests in other activities.
Secondly she asked an expoert (dr Griffiths) this will show the
reader that she is not just making it up she has actually got facts,
this is what Dr Griffiths had to say “The video games of the 21st
centurn may in some ways be more physicologically rewarding
than the 1980’s games in that they require more complex skills.”
Next the way she structures it is very clever because wherever you
look in piece there are negatives all the way through it therefore
persuading the audiance that Video Games Are Dangerous. She
also includes facts from an expert and like I said before it proves she
More depth
is not making it up.
She used a rhetorical question which will have made the reader needed re
structure
think about what she is saying, “Sound familier?” She repeats
and
herself about video games being dangerous.
technique.
=7
Level 5b
Pupil X established the tone and purpose effectively by addressing the friend
directly and refocusing with a direct appeal in the middle section. There is an
attempt to use a range of sentences but it is not always controlled. Main ideas
are usually signposted by topic sentences.
This response clearly demonstrates the pupil’s ability to discuss specific
features of the argument and comment on how the writer achieves this,
e.g. “there’s one negatives all the way through it therefore persuading
the audience....” Even though the same quality is not evidence
throughout the comments on language show insight and references to
the text develop the commentary. The piece finishes strongly with the
comment on the use of rhetorical questions but is not sufficiently
developed. This merits a mark of 7 (Level 6).
LOW 6
(1)
LOW L4
sentences
grammatically
correct but no
variation.
Dear friend
Some
awareness
of audience
and purpose
warning
attempts to
inform
modal
1
sentences
Playing video games are on to play on for a short period of time,
correctly
but when you play on them for counless hours then certain dangers demarcated.
will become a problem to you and your health. When playing on
video games I would suggest a maximum 1 hour per day or 8 hours statistics
a week. Playing on video games for to long may cause you damage,
the damages could be anything such as Really Big Headaces and
bad eye sight, forcing you to wear glasses. Some video games are
simple
so realistic are so aggressive and gorey that when you start to play
connections
on them for hours on end, when you come off the game you become
moody and aggressive, but that’s not in all cases some times it some apt
helps to take Anger and Stress by taking it out on the game. I stylistic
would seriously consider not playing on video games for a long features
period of time because they can cause more damage than you
Role adopted is
thought.
some attempt to adopt concerned
friend role – not sustained
Yours sincearly
(Pupil X’s name)
SSPTO =
2
C+E =
2
=
4
not really that of
concerned friend
The writer trys to persuade the reader that video games are
harmless dangerouse by highlighting the main symptoms of video
game addiction. “The resulting bad posture is one of the chief
causes of repetitive strain injury”. This shows that they are looking
at every aspect of Playstations even the way you sit when you are
playing on them. They are trying to persuade you that Playstation
could have long term effects on your son or daughter this will inturn
make them stop and think maybe there is a danger.
To help back up a lot of her argument she mentions an expert, Dr
Griffiths is concerned by that figures
“more worryingly – 7% played for at least 30 hours a week. Dr
Griffiths is concerend by that figure”. This makes parents stop and
think if even an expert is worried by this figure, then maybe their
really is something wrong, or maybe the parents might realise how
seriouse it is now that expert are getting involved. Either way it
helps back up her arguement.
Also they way the author structurs her text to apeal and persuade
her target audience audience is good effective. It is set out formaly,
language
so you know it is for adults and is seriouse, however the writing is
not complicated. She has short paragraphs and long paragraphs
for added effect and detail.
Another thing wich helps her with over her audience is the language
and sentence structure she uses. She uses long informative
sentences, but also she adds short and to the point ones for e.g. “Dr
Griffiths is concerned by that figure”.
The response clearly shows an insight and ability
to discuss specific features, e.g. the symptoms of addiction and
reasons for using an expert. A good understanding of form and
audience, although tends to spot features of structure,
sentence and language without any explanation of how they
function. So this is a level 6 response at the lower end of the
range.
LOW 6
(2)
WRITING MARK SCHEME
D
2
clear
insight
into
structure
+ purpose
The final three paragraphs make the writer’s point of view clear
to the reader because it definatly highlights the meun argument put
forward “playing aggressive video games leads to the stimulation of
aggressive behavior”. This shows that she is clearly stating another
point and that her opinion is clearly against it.
The amount of room which she actualy gives to another point of
view is very few and is only because she has to, to be fair. “On the
other, the catharsis theory suggests that playing aggresive video
games has a relaxing effect by channeling and releasing
aggression.” This is all she writes and it is the shortest paragraph
in the whole argument, also she does not try to back up this theory.
She ends the piece with a balance, “pronounced effect in young
childlren but less of an effect – if any – once they have reached their
teenage years”, he added. Although you can still understand what
her point of view is.
Level 6 criteria is clearly evident in paragraph 2 where the student
demonstrates an ability to discuss the specific features of the conclusion. A
clear understanding of the writer’s viewpoint and purpose is evident in this
paragraph. Points are illustrated by relevant reference to the text. Although
other paragraphs are less secure the task still warrants L6.
states it and
recognises
it’s
reformulated
effective
comment
Sentence structure, punctuation and text
organisation
Assessment focuses:
Band AF5 vary sentences for clarify, purpose and effect;
AF6 write with technical accuracy of syntax and punctuation in
phrases and
sentences;
AF4 use cohesion within paragraphs.
This band is included to help differentiate writing which, whilst
showing some fluency and accuracy, does not merit a mark.

Simple connectives (and, but, so) link clauses to support
D1
straightforward information. Most present tense with verb forms
not always controlled. Simple expansion on noun phrases adds
limited detail. Within sections, there is some attempt to maintain
L3
links between ideas.

Sentences generally correctly formed. Some attempt to use
punctuation.

Sentences generally grammatically sound with some variation in
structure for clarity to develop points, or some use of simple and
compound sentences. There is some attempt to vary the subjects
D2
of sentences. Within sections or paragraphs, content is organised
around a key piece of information, although ideas may not be
L4
developed.

Most sentences correctly demarcated with some use of other
punctuation.

Some range in sentence structures varies the information given,
e.g. connectives (however, so, similarly, although) emphasise cause and
D3
effect or comparison. Variation in verb forms gives focus and
emphasis, e.g. mixture of active and passive mix of tenses. Within
L5
sections or paragraphs, main ideas signposted e.g. by topic
sentences.

Length and structure of sentences varied to support the range of
information and possibly advice, short sentences for direct appeal
D4
(Try it and see!) and variation in word order to foreground
particular points. Within paragraphs, ideas sequenced or linked to
give force and logic to the information and advice given.
L6

Punctuation used, generally securely, to mark structure of
sentences and give clarify.

Range of sentence structures, contributes to information and
possibly clarify of advice given. Variety of verb forms, including
imperatives, tense changes and modals, used to link ideas for
D5
effect. Controlled use of adverbial and expanded noun phrases.
Within paragraphs, a range of devices supports links between
L7/8
ideas, e.g. connectives, summarising, reformulating.

Range of punctuation used to clarify meaning and create
particular effects.
Marks
available
1
2
3
4
5/6
LOW L7
(2)
involved in the text because they think about whether they suffer
from any. This is good because if they do, they want to read on to
see if they can cure themselves and find out if it’s normal by
reading the facts and statistics. I think the writer adds another
addiction paragraph in the middle because it focuses on one
addiction – ‘stiffness’. It focuses on this one because it is something
that parents can notice in their children.
LOW L7
(3)
Understanding
of how writer
uses structure
for her
purposes and
begins to
explore the
development
of the
argument.
The writer uses words such as ‘harmless’ to effect because the word
makes the reader feel think that it is harmless, however there is Shows insight
always a ‘but’ after ‘harmless’ to make the reader worry. ‘The ga into effect of
For most, the games remain a harmless activity, but a small
chosen
language
on
majority could be termed ‘addicts’.
reader
The writer uses sentences for effect by including all of the major
symptons from addictions in one long sentence. This is good
because it makes it seem like a never ending list of symptons which
are all from one addiction. Video gaming! Also the writer used
dashes in nearly every sentence just to add that a little bit more
information.
The writer tries to persuade the reader that video games are
dangerous by using facts to support the argument and using
children as targets because they are innocent and they will have to
live with these addictions for a very long time.
In this answer the pupil shows an understanding of how the writer uses
structure for her purposes and begins to explore the development of
the argument, particularly in the first paragraph. There is clear
evidence of insight into the effect of chosen language on the reader
and ideas are developed by relevant references to the text. However,
although the pupil does comment on features used there is no evidence
of analysis of these.
2
The main arguments put forward in the final three paragraphs are
that ‘Do agressive and violent video games have an effect on
children and adults?’ or ‘Does it stop aggressive behaviour in people
because in video games the can channel and release the aggression?’
The writer only comments on the argument that video games
channel aggression for one small paragraph, however she talks
about the effect violent video games have on children and adults for
two long paragraph which are supported by a fact. ‘If now seems
clear a child’s play after watching a violent video game becomes
more aggressive.’ This suggests that the writer is more against
video games.
The way the piece ends is by a fact. This is good because it talks
about the effect violent video games have on young children. They’re
innocent and kind but it sticks in peoples mind that someone so
innocent could become corrupted by a video game.
In this answer the pupil explores the structure of the conclusion and
how specific features of the argument are used together to persuade
the target audience. Ideas are developed by well chosen references
to the text.
LOW L7
(1)
1
WRITING MARK SCHEME
E
shakes
compulsive behaviour
loss of interest in other
activities
stiffness of thumbs
?1
?4
Composition and effect
Assessment focuses:
Band AF1 write imaginative, interesting and thoughtful texts;
AF2 produce texts which are appropriate to task, purpose and reader
This band is included to help differentiate writing which, shows some
fluency and accuracy, does not merit a mark.

Some awareness of purpose and audience evident in selection of ideas for
E1
teenage reader and attempt at appropriate tone.

Some attempt, not always sustained, to adopt the role of concerned
L3
friend, though some lack of consistency apparent.

Shows awareness of appropriate style to inform, though often limited.
Vocabulary generally relevant to purpose and context.

Appropriate tone mostly maintained with selection of relevant
information, e.g. key points are clear.
E2

Role of responsible friend maintained, mostly consistently. Clear attitude
to situation conveyed reflecting concerned role.
L4

Some appropriate stylistic features help convey key points of information,
or imperatives. Statistics examples of effects.

Appropriate tone for giving information to your friend is maintained.
L5

Role of concerned friend maintained consistently.

Appropriate stylistic devices support the purpose for writing – to inform.

Tone of concerned friend giving information is beginning to be varied for
effect (possibly using humour or giving warning.)

Role of concerned friend maintained and used to address the views of the
L6
recipient.

An appropriate range of (e.g. use of the imperative modal) use of stylistic
devices support the purpose of writing.

Reader’s interest is sustained by variation in tone, e.g. shift from humour
to seriousness.

Chosen voice is effectively controlled, anticipating viewpoint of the
L7
recipient.

Range of stylistic devices provides variety in the advice and gives
emphasis, e.g. contrast.

Purpose of task fulfilled with tone adapted to manipulate the reader.

Voice adapted and controlled to convey viewpoint which recognises
L8
different perspectives on situation.

Appropriate and individual style deployed to match the purpose and
audience.
Marks
available
addiction symptoms
facts/support
more symptons
violence
These addictions could cause the child to become unfit and
unsocialable with loss of interest in other activities. The child may
become effect your life by the school ringing up about his compulsive
behaviour. Also physical education at school and any other sports
may become hard to do because of the shakes and stiffness ‘Sound
Discusses specific features of the argument – writer uses
familiar?’
3
5
persuasive techniques eg use of expert view for her purpose
7
+8
Strengthens the
agreement
The main symptons of video game addictions are that they can
lead to:
compulsive behaviour
loss of interest in other activities
stiffness in movements
the shakes
2
+6
?2
?3
1
+4
Plan
Relevant
reference
to text
The writer refers to an expert (Dr Griffiths) as part of her
argument because he can strengthen the argument with facts and
statistics. ‘7% played for at least 30 hours a week.’ This makes the
reader feel threat guilty about what they themselves or the children
parents let their children do to themselves by playing video games.
40% of family homes now have containing homes and...
The writer structures her text with the first paragraph about
addictions and then the next four paragraphs with facts. Then the
next paragraph about addictions and the final six with facts and
opinions in. By starting with addictions, the reader becomes