FAMILY SYSTEMS
By: Jayne Hottenstein
550-150-20516 Family Systems
What is Family Systems and how does it apply to counseling? Often when
someone may be struggling through life or has a hard time dealing with a problem they
may choose to see a counselor to help them out. Once upon a time and still more often
than not the counselor and client will focus directly on the problem. As a result the client
does not make a lot of therapeutic progress. Or, they may in one area, but get stuck in
another. A counselor’s desire is to help their client meet their fullest potentials. Many
therapists started using different theorist techniques to accomplish this goal and found
out using a combination of tools is very useful. When taking a look at an individual it is
apparent they are unique. However, the question that became the focus is what made
them that way. This is where Family Systems come in.
A family system is a unit made up of many members and sub-members. Each
member of the family has a job to do in order for it to function as a unit. The job is
actually more like roles and the roles entail the individual’s characteristics. The
purposes of these roles are to bring out a balance also know as homeostasis.
Homeostasis involves the process of each member playing a role to balance the family
to prevent change. If, one of the member’s roles begins to shift or there is an abrupt
change in the system such as from a crisis, the homeostasis gets thrown off. There will
be a noticeable ripple effect in the behaviors of the family members. This most likely will
change the family system dynamics, for either better or worse, depending on how the
family functions as a unit (Smith, n.d.).
There are a several theorists which describe the different family system roles. A
few that will be touched on is Virginia Satir’s family roles, Alfred Adler’s birth order, and
Murray Bowen’s family systems theory. By looking into each theory a person begin to
understand what makes up a family. You can understand how each unit works and how
the individuals within their unit play their part in allowing the family to remain at
homeostasis, Morphogenesis (the ability of a family system to change its family roles)
and/or remain in morphostasis (the ability of a family system to hold its shape once it
changes).
Stair’s family role believes that a family that is involved with one another and is
open to sharing feelings, love, and affection will remain healthy. However, this is not
always possible when a family member has a dysfunction in which the rest of the
members are affected. This is where role playing comes in to try to keep the family as
stable as possible. The first role is the Family Hero. A Family Hero tries to keep the
family balanced by being overly responsible. They are usually the first born. They tend
to help a lot around the home, become actively involved in school or work and get good
grades. The next role is the Escape Goat. The Escape Goat is often the middle child.
They have a tendency to rebelled and stop trying to please the family. Often the
irresponsibility leads to failure in school and the use of alcohol and drugs. Another role
is the Lost Child, usually being the middle or third child. The role of the Lost Child
displays withdrawing from the family, often spending time alone and is very quiet. They
try not to bother anyone in attempts to not create more problems in the family. The last
role is the Mascot. The Mascot is the typical “class clown”. They are often seen in the
youngest. They are easy going and enjoy making others laugh especially when there is
tension (Black, n.d.).
The Next Theorist Alfred Adler believes in birth order. His theory believes
people’s thoughts and emotions are linked to try and feel superior. This is believed to
begin in children. People tend to feel second-rate when they compare themselves to
more superior and authoritative people in the world. When there is a sense of inferiority
a defense mechanism kicks in of compensation. When that happens people then
become motivated to strive in other areas to gain a feeling of superiority in them self.
This starts in children. The first born child feels superior until other siblings are born.
Once there are new members arrive (siblings), the first born begins to feel inferior as
they lose all the “main” attention. Intern, they over compensate to regain the feeling of
superiority and they become over achievers. Middle children tend to become
competitive to maintain superiority. Middle children feel superior as they dethroned the
oldest sibling, and yet dominating the younger siblings. The youngest however,
continually feel inferior as they do not have the freedoms of the older siblings, even
though they are papered and more protected (Ciccarelli & Meyer, 2006).
The last theorist which will be touched on is Bowen. Bowen believes that the
members in a family unit each have their own role to play and rules to respect.
Agreements between members are determined by the relational role they play with each
other, and the individual’s rules setting up the boundaries. The boundaries in the system
are what develop behavioral patterns of each member and often these behaviors
become predictable. Due to the fact, that when behaviors become predicable there is a
pattern of behavior developing. When the pattern occurs it is what creates the balance
or homeostasis of the family, even when it’s dysfunctional. Bowen also has eight
concepts that intertwine together. First is Triangles. A triangle is the way a relationship
works. There is usually one side in conflict and two sides in harmony trying to balance
the relationship out. Next is the Differentiation of self. This is where the individuals are
unique and defenselessly relying on one another for the feeling of recognition and
approval. Then there is the Nuclear family emotional system. This system defines where
problems may lie and have developed negative relational patterns: Marital conflicts,
dysfunction in one spouse, impairment in one or more children, and emotional distance
between family members. The fourth concept is Family projection process. This is
where a parent will transmit their emotional problems onto their child. Fifth is
Multigenerational transmission process. The process is the conduction of small
differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their children. The sixth
concept is Emotional cutoff. It’s a way of trying to deal with unresolved issues by
reducing or inhibiting emotional contact with the family. Sibling position is the seventh
concept. This is like Adler’s theory where sibling’s position has an impact on
development and behavior. The last is societal emotional process. This process affects
the emotional activities on a societal level, allowing both progress and regression
periods in a society. Another thing that is often used in Bowen’s therapy a genogram.
Genograms are like a family tree however, they are geared to point out emotional
behavioral patterns of relationships between each member. It also shows
multigenerational behaviors to get a visual idea of the problems and roles that have
been carried over to the next generation (GenoPro, 2012).
To give a deeper understanding of how family systems work, I will use my family unit as
an example. The following is a genogram of my family. However, I am going to only
focus on my nuclear family.
Died from alcoholism
1903 - 1990
1908 - 1999
Pauline
87
Gordon
Hottenstein
Elenora
D. 1977
D. 1998
Death from
Esophageal cancer
Phillip related to smoking
Pajac
Jerry
Hottenstein
Carol
Czerniak
Phylis
Haw kens
Kenny
Hottenstein
Dennis
Hottenstein
Susie
Greene
Sandy
Gunderson
Donnie
Hottenstein
Ronnie
Hottenstein
Louise
Puccinelli
Phillip
Jr.
Pajac
1928
1930
1928
1930
84
82
84
82
1936
1950
76
62
Died from heart attach Died from skin cancer
1911 - 1984
1912 - 1977
73
67
Richard
Pajac
66
Chester
Hottenstein
1947
Leon
Halliburton
65
2002 CVA /
Barbra handicap
65
Richard
Paulsen
Rodger
Mark
William Richard
Gerald
Joy
Dale
Halliburton Halliburton
Jr.
Halliburton Halliburton Halliburton Halliburton
Halliburton
1935 - 2002
died alcoholism
D. 2012
1946
91
1927 affair w ith William Ruth
Halliburton. M. 1931 Voight
William
Halliburton
Esther
Heup
1936
38
Richard
John
Palsen
Pajac
1973
1974
1979
1966
38
33
46
Jennifer
Hottenstein
Linda
Hottenstein
1974
39
38
James
Hottenstein
Pamula
Boyda
1980
Robert
Hottenstein
32
Carla
Jeff
HottensteinPetterson
Born Hyper Optic displasia,
Mentally Retarded, Autism
1997
Gracey
Hottenstein
15
Nathan
Petterson
Hannah
Hottenstein
1956
39
56
2002
2010
10
2
Sydney
Zyler
Hottenstein Hottenstein
2008
2001
2004
14
10
8
Zachary
Hottenstein
Braydon
Hottenstein
Nolan
Hottenstein
Richard
Moped accident in
Barrett
1994 injured Jaw
and frontal lobe
resulted in sever Craig
mood alterations. Barrett Robert
Barrett
Diagnosed bipolar
related to accident.
4
Serrya
Hottenstein
Genogram Symbols
Male
Female
Death
Family Relationships
9
1958
54
Connie
Halliburton
Dan
Nichols
Angie
Holgen
1998
Cassandra
Hottenstein
1973
Jayne
Carolyn
Rick
Jack
Hottenstein Halliburton Barrett Muryn
1946 - 1984
76
Janet
Paulsen
Both the Halliburton and Hottenstein have a family history of Alcoholics. Those that w ere alcoholics also had a history
of abuse. From w hat I know , many of the Hottenstein's had a close family. The Halliburton side had a open family
system despite the addictions and abuse. The Paulsen’s also had an open family system. The Pajac side is unknow n.
Some of the large crises that occurred w ithin our family system besides the alcohol and abuse w ould be the follow ing:
Janet Halliburton/Paulsen lost her tw o living members in the same year, her father and brother, in w hich she had a very
close relationship w ith her dad. My sister and grandpa w hen my grandmother nana died had a hard time due to their
close relationship. The divorces that occurred betw een my sister Carolyn and Rick and my marriage had negative
impact on the children w hich rippled to the extended members of the family. My nephew Craig w as in an accident and
damaged his frontal lobe. He's had outburst w hen not properly medicated, w hich impacts his immediate family and
mother. James and Pam H. have had crises thought the years due to difficulties raising a handy cap child.
Emotional Relationships
2 Friendship / Close
8 Marriage
1 Separation in fact
8 Divorce
1 Casual relationship or dating (short-term)
38
25 Alcohol or drug abuse
7 In recovery from alcohol or drug abuse
2 Physical or mental illness
1 Suspected alcohol or drug abuse
The family unit consists of my father and mother. The subunits are two older
sister, and four nephews. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was an enabler to my
father’s drinking. My oldest sister is 17 years older than I am. My middle sister is 15
years older than I am. Then there’s me. I was raised by my mom and both of my sisters.
I had four nephews three and four years younger than me.
Due to the fact there was dysfunction of alcoholism my oldest sister played the
role of the family hero (according to Bowen and Satir). Although according to Alder my
sister’s characteristics are because of birth order. Whichever theory is chosen, the
John
Nichols
characteristics are still the same. She was the one who went through school getting
good grades. She helped out at home to keep the home organized. She also put in a lot
of effort to raise me. Once she left home she continued through college getting her
nursing degree so, she could help others. Everyone was proud of her for her
accomplishments. My middle sister was the lost child. She chose to keep to herself.
However, she related to animals as a way to feel acceptance. No one thought she
would amount to much and the feelings of rejection lead her to find comfort in drinking.
Then there was me. I was the scapegoat. According to Satir, I should have been the
Mascot. However, I think I became the scapegoat because of my nephews being like
my little brothers. I was always treated like the older sister, and I had to always know
better. So, I fell into the middle child category even though I was biologically the
youngest in our immediate family.
This is how the roles worked to keep our family balance. My dad would drink and
my mom ignored it. My oldest sister would do everything to get the approval of my dad.
My dad never did, due to his alcoholism. My mom would feel sorry for my oldest sister
and they build an alliance. This was a triangular pattern that went on in our home.
Another triangular pattern was with my middle sister. When my oldest sister would felt
out of balance because of my dad’s drinking and my mom was not there, because of
working. My oldest sister would physically take it out on my middle sister. My dad then
would try to build an alliance with my middle sister. Remember, I came along quite a bit
later. The triangulations to feel love and accepted by each other to keep a balance still
continued. However, now I was brought into it. When my dad wouldn’t appreciate my
oldest sister, instead of hurting my middle sister, she (my oldest) would focus on me.
She did not hurt me, but because of her role she was trying to “super parent” me. In
other words “fix” me and mold me into what she wanted me to become. Now I started
triangulating the same as my sisters did just with different members. For example, when
I tried pleasing my oldest sister, she was so focus on fixing me. She couldn’t see my
good, and I felt like a failure. I would then go to my middle sister for support. We then
build an alliance and I would retaliate against my oldest sister. So, every time my oldest
sister would “fix” me the triangular pattern occurred.
Not only did the different triangular patterns occur there were larger circular
casualties that were developed. When my father came home drunk my parents would
fight. It would become an emotional crisis for everyone. The next day my mom and dad
would always act like nothing happened. My oldest sister would get upset at my dad. My
mom would get mad at my sister for starting with her dad. In turn, my oldest would pick
on my middle sister telling her how she doesn’t care or would try harder in life. My
middle sister would withdraw from everyone. My oldest sister would try “fixing” me even
more. I would then retaliate even more, doing anything I could to make her mad. My
behavior upset my dad. My dad would start drinking earlier. He often coped from stress
by drinking. Not that I caused the drinking just part of the disease. Once my dad was
intoxicated, the fighting started all over again. The pattern in the circular casualties
continued, progressing stronger for each of the members as they tried maintaining their
balance of where they belonged in the family.
The reason these patterns continued were due to the boundaries that were set in
place. They were very rigid. Each member isolated themselves from the other to
prevent from being hurt. There was also little communication between each other
because everyone was enmeshed with the other. The little communication that was
there was in desperation to express oneself but, only have it be confused with taking on
the other persons feelings. Due to the poor communication skills and the desperation to
not be enmeshed, each family member had little respect for the other. Rules were often
broken. My dad was the hierarchy, however, no one listen to him because of the lack of
respect everyone had for him. This included every member. My mom wasn’t respected
because she enabled my dad. My oldest sister was not respected because she always
took charge when it wasn’t her place. My middle sister was not respected because she
was nobody. She wasn’t really there to help, just kept to herself. I wasn’t respected
because I was the youngest and rebellious.
So, what changed? No, it is not like this anymore. Our family was resilient to
change. It took transitional events and crisis to change. The triangulation patterns
became less once my sisters moved out and started lives of their own. The only time it
would continue was when the family gets back together for family functions. Then the
roles were familiar again, like a familiar bad habit. Once my dad passed away, many of
the dynamics changed. Much of the circular casualties and triangulation were less
which stemmed from my dad’s drinking. Once he died; it slowed. We were able to
recover as a family but, the dysfunction slightly remained.
To this day I can still see some of the emotional behaviors in my sisters. My
oldest sister still has a hard time letting go of control. This is seen when he son’s, now
grown, avoid her when she wants to dictate their life. My middle sister no longer suffers
from the pain of rejection. Over the years she has discover self worth. Although some of
the coping patterns with drinking are still there, and she likes to be a home body. I am
proud to say I have come along way as well. Over the years I have learned about the
impact of alcoholism, I have learned to set healthy boundaries to not let my family pull
me back in the family role of a scapegoat. By being educated and learning to identify
unhealthy roles, I have ruptured the pattern of family roles being placed on my children.
There is always a way to break free from dysfunctional roles. The point of family
systems in counseling is to identify where the root of the dysfunction stems from within
a family. As you could see from the genogram often roles are carried out or passed on
from generation to generation, as it is the only way one may know how to function.
However, once there is a break or a change in the family often there is positive
progress. You will see a ripple effect start being passed down in the generations for the
better. If families are open to change and are not resistant to change often they are
able to remain in morphostasis. However, hope is not loss if a family is resistant. An
individual can break out of their role by being educated and willing to change. Often the
family to will start to shift in creating a new homeostasis with more positive results. If
not, the individuals from the original family unit carry their roles into their soon to
become new nuclear family and history repeats itself.
Reference:
Black C. (n.d). Family Roles. Received on December 9, 2012, from
http://claudiablack.com/documents/toD_docLib/13.pdf
Ciccarelli S. & Meyer G. (2006). Psychology. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall
GenoPro. (2012). Family Systems Theory. Received on December 9, 2012, from
http://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/
Smith D.(n.d).Understanding a Family Systems. Received on December 9, 2012, from
http://smith.soehd.csufresno.edu/system.html