GRAMMAR - p. 1
ON GRAMMAR
Copyright ©2003 Professor David Singmaster
contact via http://puzzlemuseum.com
This is a collection of various articles and emails on grammar.
GRAMMAR - p. 2
EDITORIAL
GRAMMAR
From: Physical Review Letters 42:12 (19 Mar 1979) 747-748.
It is said that back in the 1940's, the following message was prominently displayed at
the front of the main chemistry lecture hall at a major university:
The English language is your most versatile scientific instrument.
Learn to use it with precision.
In the intervening years, the teaching of proper grammar in the public elementary and high
schools fell into disfavor. The inevitable result is that manuscripts submitted to us are often
full of grammatical errors, which their authors probably do not even recognize (and often
would not care about if they did).
We regard this state of affairs as deplorable, and we want to do something about it. For
many years we have tried to correct the grammar of papers that we publish. This is toilsome
at best, and sometimes entails rather substantial rephrasing. It would obviously be preferable
to have authors use correct grammar in the first place. The problem is how to get them to do
it.
One fairly effective way is to provide examples of what not to do; it is particularly
helpful if the examples are humorous. We have recently seen several lists of grammatical
examples of this type. A few weeks ago we found taped to a colleague's office door the most
complete one we have seen. (He tells us it was passed out in a class at Dartmouth – not in
English – at the time a term paper was assigned). We reproduce it here in the hope that it will
have some effect.
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Make sure each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
Just between you and I, the case of pronouns is important.
Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into English.
Verbs has to agree in number with their subjects.
Don't use no double negatives.
Being bad grammar, a writer should not use dangling modifiers.
Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
About sentence fragments.
Don't use run-on sentences you got to punctuate them.
In letters essays and reports use commas to separate items in series.
Don't use commas, which are not necessary.
Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Its important to use apostrophes right in everybodys writing.
Don't abbrev.
Check to see if you any words out.
In the case of a report, check to see that jargonwise, it's A-OK.
As far as incomplete constructions, they are wrong.
About repetition, the repetition of a word might be real effective repetition – take for
instance the repetition of Abraham Lincoln.
In my opinion, I think that an author when he is writing should definitively not get into
the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really
need in order to put his message across.
Use parallel construction not only to be concise but also clarify.
It behooves us all to avoid archaic expressions.
Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and ought to be weeded out.
Consult the dictionery to avoid mispelings.
To ignorantly split an infinitive is a practice to religiously avoid.
Last but not least, lay off cliches.
George L. Trigg
GRAMMAR - p. 3
In early 1997, Sasha Lubetkin sent a similar list, headed God Englush, but only part of
it relates to English writing. I have put the English material first below, though sometimes the
item is only marginally connected to the use of English.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't never use no triple negatives.
No sentence fragments. Corollary: Complete sentences: important.
Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
All generalisations are bad. Corollary: All statements must be specific.
Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep
rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep
going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these
sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever ... if you get my drift ....
Never contradict yourself always.
You should never use the second person.
The passive voice should never be used.
When dangling, watch your participles.
Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were
discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the
Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland ....
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
Remember to end each sentence with a period
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Don't use question marks inappropriately?
Don't be terse.
Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.
Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.
Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a
dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.
Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.
This sentence no verb.
Self-referential sentence fragment.
Department of redundancy department.
Other items.
Never listen to advice.
Anarchy should be the law. Corollary: I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree.
Everyone should be a non-conformist.
People who insult others are jerks.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
Death to intolerance.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Nobody has a right to his opinion.
Good people like I are never self-righteous.
We Scorpios don't believe in astrology.
Why no, Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of incohol.
Always do what is right, even if it's wrong.
Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.
We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
GRAMMAR - p. 4
A list given by Ian Mayes in his column in The Guardian (9 Jan 1999) 2.
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Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Avoid clichés like the plague.
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
Be more or less specific.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
No sentence fragments.
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
One should never generalise.
Don't use no double negatives.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
Kill all exclamation marks!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Puns are for children, not for groan people.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
... life's not a paragraph
and death i think is no
parenthesis (e. e. cummings)
GRAMMAR - p. 5
A list came on email in 1998 and Joaquin Miller sent a slightly larger version in Apr
1999. (The earlier version did not have the author's name or his initial comment and omitted
no. 14.)
HOW TO WRITE GOOD
by Frank L. Visco
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
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Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me
what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?